Cygnus Rising
by Rel8tivity
Summary: Sometimes, love requires sacrifices. If you were promised eternal life with your one true love, what would you give up? What really happened after Isle Esme? Watch Bella earn her wings in this Breaking Dawn rewrite. Canon AU.
1. Prologue: Announcements

_**Disclaimer**: All rights are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer. Any characters that may appear here are only being borrowed for entertainment purposes._

_**Author's Note1**: I give props to Stephanie Meyer for the world she created, but perhaps in another universe it might have gone this way. This story is a partial re-write of Breaking Dawn, picking up at a certain point, then going AU. Any similarities to the original work are unintentional. Any errors or flaws are my own. The majority of the work is told from Bella's point of view, with a brief break in Edward's._

_Many thanks to TwilightMomofTwo for her patience and guidance, and for showing me what it means to be a beta reader. Read her story: "Resurrection". It **rocks**.  
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__**AN2**: These scenes belong before the wedding, when Bella & Edward break the news to Charlie that they're getting married, then to Renee. __

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><p><span>Prologue – Announcements<span>

I sat and watched while Charlie's face passed through varying shades of pink, purple and blue. Edward's very polite, extremely formal speech would have impressed any of my friends' fathers. Not Charlie. I chewed my lip a little, waiting for the explosion. I wasn't disappointed.

"Get the hell out of my house!" he roared, turning on Edward and pointing a shaking finger at the door.

"Dad!" I screamed, jumping to my feet.

He glared at me and held a hand out, palm forward, halting me. "I need to talk to you right now, and I don't need an audience." He scowled at Edward. "You! Out!"

Edward rose to his feet, but it wasn't fast enough for Charlie. He grabbed Edward by the elbow and hustled him towards the door. "If you're still here when I get back I'll talk to you later," Charlie said darkly. Edward let Charlie throw him out, and turned to give me a reassuring look over his shoulder before Charlie shut the door on him. I was seething inside as I watched him return.

"This had better be good," I growled through my teeth, low and furious as he stalked back to the living room.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" he shouted, pointing that accusing finger at me, the veins almost ready to pop out of his head.

"NO!" I screeched, horrified. "We've never done anything like that!" I knew that was the first conclusion people were going to jump to.

"Then why does he want to get married so young?" Charlie was so livid there were flecks of spittle on his lips.

"You heard him, he's just old-fashioned that way! Geez, anybody else would be happy if their daughter wanted to get married before going off to school with a guy. Would you rather I just shack up with him?"

"NO! Aaargh!" Charlie's frustrated cry echoed off the ceiling as he threw his hands in the air.

With some effort, he controlled his voice and blew out a long breath with a hiss. "It's not just that, Bella." He collapsed onto the couch, laced his fingers together and looked at them, the veins on the side of his head still bulging. "Think about it. You've only had one boyfriend. One! From what Renee tells me you didn't even date when you were in Phoenix. And you're telling me you have enough experience to tell he's the one?"

"I know how I feel, and I know how he feels."

"But you two have broken up twice!" My father held two quivering fingers up at me. "And the last time he left _you_. In fact, when he did, you seemed to get along just fine with Jacob. That should tell you something. He's not the only one, Bells."

I was confused for a moment. Twice? Oh, I'd forgotten about the sham breakup when we were running from James. I didn't see the need to correct him about that one. Charlie also didn't know how right he was about Jacob, but I'd already made this decision.

I sat down in the loveseat across from him, hoping to strike an equally reasonable attitude. I hated to bring up unpleasant memories but didn't know how else to convince him. "Dad, you know how I was when Edward left, right?"

Charlie grimaced. "How can I forget?"

We hadn't really talked about that episode, just swept it under the rug. I didn't like to think about it and Charlie was probably relieved when I had gotten over it. "I guess it must have been hard to watch, and I'm sorry about that," I said. "I know you like Jacob more than Edward, but let's be honest. Even when Edward was gone and I was with Jacob, I wasn't okay. I still wanted Edward, and I only got better when he came back."

Charlie's frown deepened. "Bella, think about what you just said. Can't you see how unhealthy that is? You're saying you can't live without him. Even if he never leaves you again, nobody lives forever. What are you gonna do if you outlive him?"

So agitated that I almost blurted out the impossibility of that ever happening, I had to stop myself for a second and pretend I was in a relationship with a normal boy.

"Dad, it was one thing when I thought he didn't want me anymore," I replied, hiding a wince at the painful memories. "It's another thing if we've been together, and he's taken away from me. At least we'll have had our time together. And it wasn't like I was suicidal when he left me. I was getting better."

Charlie snorted. "Not suicidal but not really alive. And that's right. You were getting better because you were with Jacob. Suddenly Edward comes back and you forget all that Jake did for you?"

I wanted to scream; it was so unfair of him to use that. "Of course I didn't forget! But I don't love him like I love Edward! It just isn't the same thing. What do you want me to do? Break up with Edward and marry Jacob just because you like him better?"

Charlie sputtered for a while. It was obvious that was exactly what he was thinking. I looked away to hide my frustration and my gaze fell on the curtains and pictures my mom had hung so many years ago – a woman's touch my father had never taken down. "Come to think of it, why didn't you marry somebody else after mom left you?"

"It's not the same situation." Charlie started to flush again. "I was busy with my parents and my job. And this is about you, not about me."

I ignored his last comment. "So if you think about it, I've actually had more relationships than you have."

"I've still seen more of life than you have, Bella," Charlie growled. "I see more life happening on the job than you ever will. And I was married for a few years and we had you, didn't we?"

"But as far as relationships are concerned, you know even less than I do," I insisted.

Charlie's scowl darkened. "I dated other people before your mother. I know that you haven't seen enough of life at eighteen to decide who you're going to marry after dating one person for less than two years."

"Like you did?" My voice rose a little. I didn't like his double-standard. "How old were you when you married Mom?"

"I was in my twenties. Your mother was nineteen," he admitted.

I pounced on that point. "So I'm a year younger than Mom. Why is it so bad for me when that's exactly what you and Mom did?"

"Because maybe your _mom_ was too young when we got married, did you ever think about that?" Charlie clenched his fingers in his frustration. "Maybe if she'd been a little more mature she wouldn't have suddenly decided to take off with you. I'm sure your mother has talked to you about getting married too young. Look how far that got us."

"Are you saying you regret marrying Mom in the first place?"

"No! Not at all!" Charlie cried out. "I'm just trying to keep you from making our mistakes! We're not together anymore. Do you call that a good thing for a family?"

If I were being honest, I would have to admit his point. Even though most of my life it was just me and my mom and that was all I knew, there were times when I wished he was around. "No, but that was your life. I wasn't making any judgments."

"Oh, fer chrissakes!" Charlie dropped his face into his hands and shook his head.

We lapsed into uncomfortable silence, not sure what else we might say to convince the other. I realized I really was hoping for his blessing. We could get married without it, but if I was going to walk away from my human life, I didn't want to cheat him out of walking me down the aisle. That happy occasion would let us end on a high note and as long as he knew I was happy, I would be better able to handle that last farewell. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of disregarding him, but if he wasn't going to come around, I would still follow my chosen path.

"You know Dad, I was really hoping we wouldn't have to go through it this way," I said in a weary voice. "But you do know that I'm legally an adult, right?"

After a moment he spoke grudgingly, his voice muffled by his hands. "Yeah, I know."

"So technically, I don't need to ask your permission. But I was hoping you'd at least try to understand what I'm going through, and maybe trust my judgment as an adult."

Charlie didn't say anything for a long time, just sat there with his hands on his face. The only movement was his breathing, which was still a little fast from his agitated state. Finally, when he put his hands down and sat up I was surprised to see him looking sadly at me.

"Do you remember learning how to ride a bike, Bella?" he asked abruptly.

I grimaced. Riding a bike was another of those things the coordination-challenged should leave to others. "Of course I do. You ran behind me for days, holding me up by the bike seat. You had to stop when you threw your back out."

Charlie nodded. "I'd have kept going if not for that. Maybe you'd have enjoyed it more. My point is, I'm always going to want to run beside you. Keep you from falling. Not the kind of thing you just give up one day."

Like a candle was blown out, the anger evaporated and I could feel myself getting a little teary. He really did care about me, and I loved him so much I didn't know how I was going to be able to say goodbye later. Trying to compose myself, I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

Just then, Charlie sat up straighter. "Is Edward still out there? I need to talk to the two of you now."

I hurried to the door, certain that Edward would not have left. He was there almost before I opened the door, having waited on the porch steps, listening to Charlie's tirade. As he came in he gave me a look of confidence that I didn't feel.

"Sit down there, Edward," Charlie pointed to the loveseat. Taking my place next to Edward, I noticed that Charlie didn't apologize for throwing him out but that didn't seem important just now.

"I had a feeling this day might come," Charlie muttered. "Guess I kinda hoped other things might work out."

Edward and I glanced at each other, both of us knowing exactly what Charlie had been hoping for.

Charlie looked Edward in the eyes, using his Chief Swan glare. "You hurt my little girl, Edward. When you left her, she was like the walking dead. You tore her up and I haven't forgotten that."

I squeezed Edward's hand as the pain I knew he would feel showed in his eyes. "Yes, sir. I know that, sir, and I still haven't forgiven myself for that".

"She started doing crazy stuff," Charlie went on as if Edward hadn't spoken. "Riding motorcycles, jumping off cliffs and I'm sure that's only the stuff I know about. She was always responsible. And you changed that."

"Dad –" I started. Charlie held up his hand, cutting me off.

"I thought she'd be better off with Jacob. He put back together what you tore apart. Maybe he doesn't have all the things that you and your family have, but he has a good heart. I know he'd never walk out on Bella.

"Bella had other friends before you, too. But after you came along it was like the Cult of Edward. You and your family were the only ones she would spend time with. Do you have any problem with her having friends?"

"Not at all," Edward said. "From the very first I've wanted our relationship to be Bella's choice. If she chose to leave me I would respect that. If she chose to be with me, then I would be the happiest man in the world. So of course I have no problem with the friends she chooses."

Charlie sat quietly for a moment before speaking to Edward again. "You're younger than I was when I married Renee. Day might come when you wake up and realize being married to Bella wasn't what you thought it would be. What then? Will you take off again?"

Edward held Charlie's gaze for a moment, then looked at me, choosing his words. "Chief Swan, I'll be honest with you. I left Bella because I thought I was bad for her. And I found the time I spent away from her was very... educational. Plain and simple, I was wrong. Every reason I had for leaving her was wrong, and the only thing that mattered was to come back and beg her forgiveness.

"I'm terribly, horribly sorry that I hurt Bella. Believe me, if I could go back in time and stop myself from leaving, I would. Since that isn't possible, all I can give you is my pledge. I will never turn away from her. If she wants to leave me, then that is her choice. But I will never willingly leave her again."

Charlie pursed his lips, absorbing Edward's words for a moment. "After everything you put her through, she still wants to be with you." Charlie leaned back and sighed. "I suppose Bella's mom and I didn't give her a good example to follow – getting married so soon out of high school. Too young to know who we were or what we wanted out of life. By the time we grew up and found we wanted different things, Bella was two.

He turned to me. "What about you, Bells? You're both only eighteen. People do a lot of growing up by the time they finish college. You sure you'll feel the same in five years? I mean, can you trust him? He left you once, what makes you think he won't do it again?"

For a father who didn't do emotional scenes, these were some huge speeches for Charlie. I shouldn't have been surprised at how deeply he felt about this. I pulled Edward's hand into my lap and covered it with my other hand. This was something I had thought about before.

"Dad, when someone breaks your trust, there's only one way to regain it. Time. All you can do is watch to make sure they're keeping your trust and even before that, you have to forgive them enough to give them that time to show you.

"I...we both went through a lot in the last year, Dad. We both know that we don't want to live without each other. I love Edward, and I know he loves me. I guess it depends if you trust _me_ enough to make a decision like this."

Charlie didn't say anything. He just looked at me, the only movement his index finger tapping slowly on the side of his knee. Finally he spoke. "My point with the bike riding story was: no matter how old you get, I'm still going to be your father. There will never be a time when I won't worry about you or want to protect you in some way.

"At the same time, the whole point of learning how to ride a bike is for you to be able to do it by yourself. Sooner or later, I'm going to have to let you go, and trust you to handle things by yourself.

"I just didn't think it'd be this soon." Charlie leaned back on the couch and put a hand back on his face. He sighed, suddenly looking years older as his brow furrowed and he spoke in a resigned tone. "You always were mature for your age, taking care of your mother, taking care of me." He put his hand down and I was shocked to see a hint of moisture in his eyes. "Yes, I trust you, Bells."

"Thanks, Dad," was all I could manage.

Charlie cleared his throat a couple times before addressing Edward, his face determined, but no longer openly hostile. "I'll be honest with you, Edward. I'm suspicious by nature; it comes with the job. Not something I can turn on and off for you. But for Bella's sake, I'll try to curb my first instincts."

"Thank you, Charlie," Edward said softly. "I swear I'll do my best to make her happy."

Begrudgingly, Charlie held his hand out to Edward, and they shook. "Well, I guess that's all I could ask for. You take care of my little girl, you hear?"

"Yes, sir."

Charlie suddenly smirked, and he burst out laughing, breaking the emotion in the room.

"What's so funny?" I demanded.

"Your mom!" he said, still laughing. "You get to tell her! That one's all yours, Bella!"

I cringed at the thought. Ballistic was a mild term compared to how my mother would react. "Gee, thanks Dad."

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><p>I didn't wait long to call Renee. I figured why prolong the agony? Even so, I still dragged my feet over to the phone like a dead man walking. What was the worst she could do? Scream at me. Call me an idiot. Refuse to come to the wedding, I supposed. I braced myself and dialed.<p>

"Hi, Mom," I said after she picked up.

"Hi, sweetie! How're you doing?" she bubbled. She always seemed to bubble these days. My announcement would be sure to burst that bubble.

"Pretty good. Umm, Mom, I've got some news to tell you."

"What is it? Is it good news?"

"I guess that depends." I paused for a second to collect my thoughts. "Mom, you and Dad were pretty young when you got married, right?"

There was a pause, and I could hear her take a breath. "You and Edward are getting married, aren't you?" Her tone, while accusing, at least wasn't the explosion I'd expected.

"Um, yeah, we are." I spoke the words quietly, almost cringing away from the phone.

"Did you tell your father?" The steely tone in her voice was not something I heard very often.

"Yeah, we just got finished telling him." I twisted my fingers together, waiting for the blast.

"Well, I did have a feeling this was coming," she muttered. "What did your father say?"

"He kinda gave Edward and me the third degree."

"He would." I hadn't heard this tone of voice from her since the sex talk she had given me when I was ten. "Bella, I won't argue with you about how you and Edward feel – I could see that for myself – but I'd like to make sure you've thought things through."

"In what way?"

"Do you know why I always went on about not getting married early? At the time, I thought that was the next big adventure and that's all that I wanted. All I needed was Charlie, and the world would be wonderful.

"But that's not realistic. I don't know if it's even healthy. If you expect all of your happiness to come from one person or one thing, there's a good chance you'll be disappointed one day."

"Mom, Edward and I –"

"Love each other, yes I know. For now." The silence on the phone spoke to her gathering her thoughts.

"You scared me, Bella, when Edward left you." She enunciated every syllable, more serious than I'd ever heard before. "Your father called me to come bring you home. And when I got there, it was like you weren't in your body anymore." I winced at the thought of who I was then.

"For as long as I've known you, you've been a quiet, thoughtful girl with a spark of life that's never far from the surface. All of that was gone. You were a shell. Breathing, walking, sometimes talking. But not alive."

I glanced at Edward. Based on the agonized expression on his face his sensitive hearing was picking up both sides of the conversation, and I realized I should have made this call in private to spare him the unpleasant reminders. Instead I motioned for him to come to me, wound my arm around his waist and stretched up to kiss his cheek, willing him to sense that he was forgiven.

"I don't ever want to see that again. So I want you to make sure that he's not the only thing in your life that makes you happy."

"He's not the only thing in my life, Mom," I argued.

"Maybe not the only thing, but definitely the biggest thing. What I'm trying to get at is, I want you to make sure you know what you want out of life, and look at _all_ the things that make you happy."

"Um, where do you want me to look?" I wondered if this was coming from one of the self-improvement classes she sometimes took.

"Where to look, where to look," she muttered to herself. "Well, the Cullens are quite well off, aren't they? So just being married and having babies is an option. Would that be enough for you?"

"Eww! Mom, I'm only eighteen!" The thought horrified me. "Why would I want to have babies already?"

"Good, because I'm way too young to be a grandma. So if settling down and having kids isn't enough, you should have some idea of what you want to do. I've told you how proud we are of you getting into Dartmouth, haven't I?"

"Yeah, both you and Charlie have," I admitted. I wasn't able to generate much enthusiasm for that achievement, since I still wasn't sure I'd gotten in on my own merits.

"This is an _amazing_ opportunity. Have you declared a major?"

I had no idea but threw something out there. "I'm undeclared right now, but I was thinking of majoring in English literature."

"Are you thinking of being a teacher?"

"Or maybe a writer."

"Hmm, I suppose that could be okay, too. But you know it helps to have some broader life experiences to be a writer."

That would be interesting. Writing about my life as the wife of a vampire and becoming one myself. The Volturi would be only too happy to set me straight if I exposed us. "It's just an idea right now, Mom. I was a little stressed out senior year to concentrate much on it," I muttered. Even after I had come out of my stupor, the death threat from Victoria and her army had kept me from thinking too far into the future.

"That's true. Well, now that you have some time you should think about it. I'm okay with just about anything you decide to do, but you need to make sure it's something that fulfills you. Not just a career but other things. Think about it now so you're not in a constant mid-life crisis like me."

"Okay, Mom, I'll try," I mumbled. Although I wondered if she would feel the same way if she knew exactly what I wanted to become after Edward and I were married.

"You've been telling me to be more responsible since you were ten," she went on. Here's one thing that I know about, so _I'm_ telling _you_. You've got to have something in mind beyond marriage." Then a long sigh hissed through the phone. "If I hadn't seen you and Edward together for myself, then I'd say you were out of your mind and should wait a few years."

Fortunately, she seemed to have said her piece. "I always did say you were born middle-aged. But adults make mistakes too. Take some time to live a little. I just want to make sure you don't miss out on things that you'll regret later."

I stifled a snort. "I don't think there's much chance of that, Mom. Edward is determined I don't miss out on life experiences."

"Good! So have you set a date?" she asked. I breathed a mental sigh of relief that the lecture was over and hadn't been as bad as I'd feared.

"Not yet. It depends on how fast Alice can pull a wedding together. Soo, you're okay with this?"

"Yes. I'm still not happy that you're making me into a mother-in-law before I'm 40 but that's just me."

The conversation moved on to bridesmaids, dresses and other wedding details so the storm was definitely over. As usual though, Renee was somehow able to put her finger on the truth. I hadn't thought of anything beyond getting married to Edward and becoming a vampire. I knew that would make me happy. Would it always be enough?

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><p>To be continued...<p>

Like it so far? Please leave a review. I don't bite...


	2. Chapter 1: Isle Esme

_**Disclaimer**: All characters are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer, and only appear here for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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_**Author's Note**: Twilight was a YA series, and Breaking Dawn was not YA. Even though some of the subject matter can be adult, I **really** wanted to bring Breaking Dawn back to YA territory. I hope you enjoy the attempt._

_Many, many thanks to my beta TwilightMomOfTwo, for showing me the way.  
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_This section begins at page 85 of Breaking Dawn, at the point where Bella walks into the water with Edward…_

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><p><span>Chapter 1 - Isle Esme<span>

Already buoyed by the warm sea water, I seemed to float effortlessly in Edward's tender embrace. I shivered a little; this was the first time we had ever had so much skin to skin contact. He must have noticed that some of my anxiety had returned, because he pulled back slightly.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, his eyes dark against the pale of his face.

"A little," I admitted, trying to still my hands against his back.

Edward chuckled softly. "Let me help you relax then. Lie back." I leaned back and he lifted my legs until I lay at the surface of the water, looking up at the stars. Warm waves gently lapped around my ears, muffling the sounds of the surf. One of his hands supported me while the other began to gently massage my back and shoulders. His sensitive fingers found the knots in my neck from the long plane ride and slowly began to work them out. It felt wonderful and I made a soft noise, low in my throat. A movement of his supporting hand made me think he was laughing, but I closed my eyes to enjoy the feel of his hands.

It felt like being in a sensory deprivation chamber, the sensation of quiet calm and weightless drifting washed away the rest of my nerves. The only other awareness I had was of Edward's strong hand, sliding and drifting over my skin, kneading the tight muscles. My sense of time drifted away as well and I couldn't be sure how long I lay there enjoying the soothing massage. Eventually I found myself wanting him to touch more than just my back. The touch of his hand had melted away the stage fright and replaced it with an eager yearning. Opening my eyes to find his gaze upon me, he said something that I couldn't hear with the water in my ears. I raised my head. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you felt better," he repeated, his voice soft and warm as the night air.

"Much better." I smiled at him, and raised my hands to pull his face down to mine. "Let me show you how much better." The touch of his lips couldn't come soon enough, and I held them for a long time before stopping to drop small kisses on them. Somewhere in that process he brought me back upright, and began wading slowly backwards with the warm water lapping at us. Edward pulled me closer with a hungry look in his eyes, lowered his head and reclaimed my lips in a slow, soft, languorous kiss that set off a buzzing in my ears. He held the kiss seemingly forever until I broke it with a gasp. Soon enough the heat in my face gradually spread to the rest of me, drowning out the feel of his cool skin as we caressed each other.

Edward stopped moving backwards when the waves began licking at my shoulders and continued kissing my lips, eyes, cheeks before dropping to my neck. My breathing was starting to race when he murmured against my cheek. "Are you warm enough, love?" An incoherent "mmhmm" was all I could manage as I kissed my way up his jaw towards his ear.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered before taking my lips again in a deep kiss that fanned the flames of desire to a fever pitch. My tongue teased his lips open and I tasted a little of the venom on his tongue – acrid and sweet at the same time.

I ran my fingertips in little circles down his spine and felt him draw in a sharp breath; his eyes were still closed and he seemed to be savoring the sensation. My breathing had long since lost control, and the skin of my belly suddenly yearned to feel the solid planes of his stomach. Pulling him closer with as much strength as I had, I felt something new pressed against me – his erect manhood. Embarrassment flashed through me, to be drowned out by desire; I'd never even seen it before, but that was sort of the idea until now. Shaking off my distraction, I laid a trail of kisses down Edward's throat to his chest, and my eyes closed as I glided back upwards, luxuriating in the sudden tingle as the skin of my belly and breasts brushed across him.

The silky feel of our skin sliding against each other, each kiss and caress began to build, wave upon wave of sensation grew stronger and stronger until it drove me into a frenzy. Edward's eyes opened and I could see his jaw clenching tighter as he fought to control his strength. Thinking not to risk his control for longer than necessary, I slid my hands down to his hips and pulled him closer. He lifted me and continued kissing me.

I felt a couple of nudges between my thighs, as if a fish were cutting in on our dance. Edward glanced down and frowned for a second and I couldn't help a small smile at his discomfiture. Reaching down with my hand to guide him, I felt the cool hardness, placed it where it felt right, then waited for him to move. I gasped as I felt a slight sting, followed by a swelling fullness that sent a flush of heat through me.

Edward's mouth opened and he drew a long shuddering breath, his eyes still steady on mine. "Ohh, Bella," he whispered.

"Are you okay?" I breathed, clasping his head in my hands, smoothing his hair back. He set his lips in a firm line and gave me a quick nod, still breathing quickly.

He began to move and I dropped my hands to his rock steady shoulders. Waves of pleasure rippled out from deep within me until every nerve in my body began to fire at once. My mouth dropped open and my head fell back as he began to move more quickly, his breath coming in quick pants, faster and faster. Giving myself over completely, the only awareness I had was of the building pressure in my core, growing larger and larger, closer and closer as I drew near the edge.

Suddenly I felt a deep pop, and an explosion of pain in my hip. Unaware of my trouble, Edward kept moving, his teeth clenched, the cords of his neck standing out and each movement sent a new hammer blow of agony through me. I tried to hold it in, but couldn't and I screamed several times, short and sharp. Edward's eyes flew open and he froze. "Bella?" he asked, panic widening his eyes.

I clenched my teeth, wanting to be brave for him, but it was too much. "I'm...ow! It's my hip. Or my leg."

"Let's get you to shore," were his terse words. Edward very slowly shifted me in the water, but even that slight movement affected my leg. My hip screamed at me and I bit my lip to keep from crying out again. When I was cradled in his arms, he began wading toward shore. His eyes were haunted, and his neck and jaw muscles were rigid as he began a sibilant muttering that was too fast for me to understand. My head was still spinning with the pain and with the sudden shift from making love to dealing with a crisis. I couldn't let him wallow like this. The last time he had agonized over an injury to me, I had hoped it would go away by itself. It hadn't and the results had been disastrous.

I took small, quick breaths to try to cope with the pain. It seemed to help a little bit and once it had evened out to a heavy throbbing, I raised a trembling hand to his cheek. I had to clench my stomach muscles slightly to withstand the ache.

"Don't be angry," I said softly between breaths.

"I'm not angry," he retorted, but his answer was curt.

"You're angry with yourself, aren't you?" I guessed.

The muscles of his jaw worked for a while. "Jacob was right. What was I thinking?" His question was not directed at me.

"You were trying to make me happy," I panted. "And you were doing a…a wonderful job, too. One more thing Edward does well." I hoped my teasing would break through his wall of regret, but being unable to hide the pain wasn't going to help convince him.

He frowned in disapproval. "Honestly, Bella, I could have killed you. We'll be lucky if it's only a broken leg."

The sand scrunched under his feet as we reached the spot where we had left his clothes and my towel. "Let me take a look" he murmured, and slowly, carefully lowered me so I was reclining on the sand. On my right thigh, very faint in the moonlight were the marks his fingers had left behind. He softly pressed the sides of my leg, watching my face intently. I gritted my teeth again as the soft nudges disturbed my hip; but when he raised my knee a bare inch stars exploded in my vision and I cried out before I could stop myself.

"I'm sorry! I won't do that again!" he cried, and took several breaths to calm himself. When he was able to speak again, it was in that clipped, controlled voice of his. "The femur seems to be alright, but I can't be positive. It's time for a boat ride."

He wrapped me in the towel and carried me into the house, where we dressed as quickly as I was able. Mind hazy from the pain, part of me thought I should be embarrassed to be undressed around him, but I was too far gone to care. I did my best not to move my leg while he helped me to dress, but almost passed out as I stood on one leg while he pulled a skirt over my hips.

Most of the boat ride to the mainland was a hazy memory of darkness and pain. Edward's brooding silence continued, periodically broken by bouts of furious muttering. Every wave the boat sliced through jostled my hip, sending a searing knife blade through the center of my body. Edward blamed himself for every cry of pain, and I truly tried but couldn't suppress every single whimper or groan that accompanied each assault; more than a few escaped as the boat hit especially large waves. Edward tried to lessen the impact by slowing the boat, but it didn't help. Gradually, overwhelmed by the never ending waves of agony, I lost my grip and fell into a deep sea of blackness.

* * *

><p>The sound of a steady beep, the smell of disinfectant and a fuzzy feeling in my head ushered me back to the land of the living. My eyes were rather crusty and I lifted a hand to rub them.<p>

"Bella? How do you feel?" Edward's voice, rough with anxiety, came from my left.

Forcing my eyes open a crack, I turned towards him. Even though his pupils were a well-fed golden-yellow, the circles under his eyes seemed to be darker than usual. "My head's a little wobbly," I admitted. Scrubbing at my eyes, I lifted my head from the pillow to assess the damage. As expected, I was in a hospital bed though it wasn't as extensive as in Phoenix – something stiff and bulky was wrapped around my hips and right thigh, but the rest of me was unencumbered. The usual IV tube and monitor leads connected me to the heart monitor and an IV bag on a stand. "How bad am I?" I asked.

"You have a dislocated hip." Just like that, his voice turned flat, drenched in self-loathing. "The X-rays were negative for broken bones, and the MRI was negative for torn ligaments. You didn't wake up after you blacked out, but they sedated you anyway in case you came to while they worked your hip joint back in. You'll be in a hip brace from four to six weeks but you should be able to walk again."

He lapsed into silence for so long I thought for a moment I had drifted back to sleep. When I glanced over I found him sitting like a statue, chin on his fist, staring off into space. The only indication of his state of mind were the taut ridges of his facial muscles.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked drowsily. Whatever they had given me, I hoped the aftereffects wore off soon. I had the distinct feeling that I should be tending to something but couldn't remember what it was.

After an extended silence, he lowered his arm and spoke with his face turned away. "About right and wrong, actually."

An instant surge of panic brought me to full alert, and I tried to rise but my hip complained. I grabbed Edward by the arm in what was, for me, a death grip. The last time I remember him thinking about right and wrong... "Edward, you're scaring me." My voice quavered more than I liked.

He finally turned to face me, one eyebrow raised in his confusion. "Why?"

"The last time you thought about right and wrong you left me. Because you thought it was best for me. You're not thinking anything crazy, are you?"

The confusion on his face melted into pain as he remembered. It was not an easy memory for either of us and I silently cursed Jacob for forcing those memories on Edward. He took my hand in both of his and looked sadly into my face.

"No. I'm so sorry, love. Even if I were thinking crazy, I could never do that to you again. Marriage vows mean quite a bit more to me than you may be used to."

I slumped back and let the breath I was holding whoosh out. "Thank God. Let me just get my heart started again." In fact, the heart rate monitor was going overtime and I half expected the nursing staff to come running.

In a flash of reddish-bronze hair, his face was buried in his arms beside my hip, with his hands still grasping mine. "I am so, so, sorry, Bella!" he lamented into the mattress. "I don't know what to do! I'm not good for you, anybody can see that! I can't even make love to you without putting you in the hospital!" His anguished cry muffled by the blankets, it nevertheless shocked me. With my free hand I tried to calm him down, rubbing his granite back, his solid shoulders, making little shushing noises.

"I wish you wouldn't beat yourself up for this," I murmured. "It's not your fault."

"Who's fault would it be then?" His eyes blazed down at me, as he raised his head so quickly I didn't see the movement. "Would it be the fault of your _human_ husband? The one who would _not_ have pulled your hip out of its socket like a chicken leg no matter how hard he tried because he didn't have the strength? The one you should be married to instead of me?"

Stunned by the intensity of his response, I lay there against the starchy pillowcase as his tirade flew by. Edward spoke in a furious whisper, but I couldn't help glancing at the door in case someone overheard. Thankfully it remained closed.

"I am the most selfish, most despicable of creatures." He had lain his head back down on the mattress, but had taken his hands away from mine. At least he still looked at me, but when I reached for his head he pulled away. "When you spoke my name in your sleep that first time, I should have kept going but I was too weak." Edward's whisper was no longer furious, but now cracked with his pain.

My heart twisted at the sight of his suffering, and I thought furiously of what I could do to assuage his fears. At least he wasn't locked up tight and ferociously angry like he was the night of my rotten eighteenth birthday. He was in turmoil, but he was letting it out. Hopefully that meant I would be able to reach him.

"Well, I'm not married to a human husband. I'm married to you, which is far better in my opinion," I countered. "Being married means 'for better or for worse', and while this is serious, I don't think it qualifies as 'worse'. You've already said you don't want to leave me, right?" I questioned him.

Edward's face twisted as he thought and I set my lips against the answering pain I felt. Finally his expression evened out. "No," came his rough whisper. "I can't. I should, but I can't. I love you too much. Once I thought that would give me the strength to do what was right for you but…no longer."

"That's not something to be ashamed of," I insisted, trying to keep my voice steady. "Come here." I reached out and felt better when he shifted the chair close enough to bring his face near me. My fingers settled on the bronze waves of his hair.

"This was my idea, remember? You were doing it so I could have one last human experience. This was my choice, so you shouldn't regret like this. If anything, it's my fault for insisting we do this while I was human. Why do you always assume everything is your fault?"

Edward's face contracted with his feelings, his mouth opened and closed several times. He turned to face the mattress before he answered. "I hurt you," he finally whispered in a tortured voice. "Even in the beginning, when the scent of your blood drove me mad with wanting to kill you, I never touched a hair on your head. I swore to myself I would make myself safe for you. I feel…ashamed. I don't deserve you."

I reached up, found his cheek and turned his face back towards me. "I wish you wouldn't tear yourself up like this. I'm fine. You said we would try, and we did, so I have no regrets. Matter of fact, it was going so well at first…" Pulling his face closer to me I said softly, "I'm really looking forward to that again. I just need to be more...durable." I felt a little heat rise in my cheeks.

He sighed, a little less misery in his voice. "If it were anybody else, they would view a visit to the ER on their honeymoon as something to regret. Not you. I'm just relieved it's not as serious as it might have been." He sighed again, "Sorry for ruining your honeymoon."

"It's not ruined; I'm here with you. As long as we're together, I can deal with anything." I lay a gentle finger on his forehead. "We just have to make sure we stay together in here too."

Edward's brows lowered in question at me. "How do you mean?"

While we both didn't like thinking about the time when he'd left me, I realized we had never discussed it. He had returned and I had taken him back and we pretended like it had never happened.

"It's about doing what's right for me. Edward, do you remember what you said about Romeo and Juliet?"

"I said a lot of things. To what specifically are you referring?"

"That they made so many mistakes. It was all a misunderstanding and if they talked to each other it would have been resolved. So we need to talk to each other more."

"We talk," he disagreed, but not defensively.

"Yes, we do but when it mattered, we didn't. When you left me, you made a decision that affected the two of us, and you made it without me. You decided what was best for me and _boom_, there it was."

The misery was back on his face. "I know, and I'm sor—"

I took his face in my hands and kissed him to shut him up. "Hush. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I just want to make sure you know we're in this together. I know it drives you crazy because you can't hear what I'm thinking. But the same goes for me, too.

"So can you promise me something? If something is bothering you, can you talk to me about it, please? Especially if you think it's something for my own good. Maybe I haven't been around for as long as you have, but if it affects me I should have a say in it. And I'll do the same for you. Is that fair?"

Edward's eyes grew a little wide during my little speech. I hadn't realized I had this bottled up inside me, so was a little surprised myself. Then he reached one arm under my shoulders and pulled me closer. "Yes, that's fair," he agreed with a nod.

"Are you still mad at yourself?"

Edward contemplated the back of my hand as he caressed it with his thumb. "I'm not completely happy with myself, but as you said we're in this for better or for worse. Although I think this qualifies more as 'in sickness and in health'."

Feeling a bit more confident that he would try to work things through, I still wanted to feel him out about our particular situation. "If anything, I think this proves that we need to be equals to make this marriage work, right?"

Edward gave a quiet sigh. "Physical equals?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I agreed to this already," Edward shrugged. "But yes, the necessity is more apparent to me."

"Good," I said with a satisfied smile.

Edward's topaz eyes captured mine intently. "And do you also agree that we not 'try' anymore? At least not until after you've been changed?"

I scrunched my nose at him. "Yeah, I don't think this hip would allow for it anyway. Speaking of which, what did you think?" I wondered.

Confused again, Edward's brows dipped together. "Think about what?"

I licked my lips, feeling suddenly shy as the blush started rising up my neck. "Your first time."

Understanding dawned and Edward glanced away. Then a slow smile spread across his face as he sifted through his memories.

"Is that good?" I asked when he focused back on me.

He laughed. "Let me put it this way. Remember the first trip to our meadow, when I told you how wonderful the touch of your fingers felt on my arm?"

"Mm-hmm."

Edward exaggerated the roll of his eyes and lolled his head around. "Many, many times greater than that!"

I felt the blush deepen, happy that I was able to please him. "Good. Just imagine if we weren't interrupted."

His face fell a fraction before he recovered himself. "And you? Did it meet your expectations?"

Blushing furiously, the memories of finally making love with him were quite vivid and the flash of heat that started in my belly surprised me. I laughed as the heart rate monitor revved. "Well, if it weren't for this hip, and the fact that we're in a hospital bed, I'd be all for jumping you right now."

"Mrs. Cullen! I'm surprised at you!" Edward's gentle laugh joined mine. "We'll just have to wait a little longer. For now…" He brought his head closer and the touch of his lips was like water in the desert to me. I curled one hand around the back of his neck, enjoying the silky touch of his hair and the satin glide of his mouth. Any moment, I figured my heart would start skipping and the nursing station would send someone to investigate. Fortunately I was able to enjoy it for a while before Edward broke the kiss and whispered, "The doctor's coming." He sat up straight in the chair, keeping hold of my hand, while I tried to compose myself.

After a quick knock, the door opened and a swarthy man of medium build in a white lab coat and scrubs entered. Edward's face grew slightly more animated as he spoke to the doctor. My high school Spanish allowed me to catch that his name was Dr. Santos and they were discussing my condition, but Portuguese was too different for me to completely understand. Dr. Santos shook his head and _tsked_ at me.

Confused, I turned to Edward. "What did you tell him?"

"When you were admitted, I told him you fell out of a coconut tree, trying to pick one of the nuts," he spoke with a hint of a smile.

"Great," I rolled my eyes.

Now that I was awake and my vital signs were normal, Dr. Santos prepared to release me from the hospital. I was outfitted with a brace that encased my thigh and wrapped around the opposite waist, minimizing movement. A pair of crutches finished out my convalescent ensemble, and they gave me a vial of pain medication if I should need it. Judging from how my hip felt, I took a dose before we left the hospital for the marina.

Edward was calmer now, not angry or distressed as he first was in the recovery room. I lounged against his shoulder while he piloted the boat back toward the island. A pale half-moon painted the sea with a soft sheen, and gave Edward a ghostly appearance. The night sky was gloriously sprinkled with stars and the tropical breeze was a gentle, warm caress on my face. Despite my injury, I felt quite content to be in this beautiful setting with him, but it seemed he still had some lingering regrets.

"Bella?" his voice filtered through the fuzz induced by the pain medication.

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry about your honeymoon. After all that we've been through, I wanted this to be perfect for you."

Turning my head to look up at him, I roused myself. "You," I emphasized. "You need to stop looking at the downside of things all the time."

I pulled his face down to me and kissed him. "There's nothing to be sorry about, and nothing's been ruined. We're married, I love you, and we're here – alone – in a tropical paradise. As long as you're with me, everything else is just…stuff."

"Thank you, love," he said, and kissed me back, the warmth returning to his voice. "But I'd still like to make it up to you. I promise we'll go on a second honeymoon…after."

I admit I was a bit disappointed that the lovemaking hadn't turned out so well, but I was honest about the rest of it. Edward and I were alone on a private, tropical island. No work, no school, nobody coming to kill me. It just didn't get any better than that.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next day some time after noon with Edward's body cooling my back, his hand softly stroking my shoulder. I rolled over the best I could with the hip brace on and found Edward smiling down at me. "Good afternoon, sleepyhead," he said.<p>

"Morning," I smiled, and pulled him down for my morning kiss. Well, it was morning for me with the difference in time zones. And the way the touch of his lips got my heart going was more stimulating than coffee.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked, when we stopped for breath.

"Mm, this is my first time here. Do you have any suggestions? The leg kinda puts a damper on anything athletic."

Edward pursed his lips. "One thing that can't be missed here is snorkeling the reef."

I raised a hand and wiggled my fingers at him. "Um, hello, athletically challenged?"

Edward smiled. "Trust me. I'll take care of you. Come on, time for breakfast."

After I took care of hygiene and had a quick breakfast of toast and eggs, Edward helped me change into a snowy white bikini Alice had provided. I suspected any appeal was ruined by the bulky hip brace and crutches. Even so I was pleased to see his eyes widen and a sly smile spread across his face.

"What?" I asked.

"I like it," he grinned. "The tropical climate has its advantages. I'll probably never see you dressed like this in Forks. Now you're not the only one in danger of spontaneous combustion." He laughed as my ready blush answered him.

"Thank Alice. Some of the things she packed are absolutely indecent."

Edward's solution to snorkeling was to outfit me with snorkeling equipment, carry me into the water, and pull me by the hand through the waves. The easy floating in the water was therapeutic for my hip as well, allowing it to rest without the pull of gravity.

Edward swam surprisingly well. His body seemed so solid I expected him to sink like a stone. The fact that he didn't made me think about the vampire conversion process. He obviously wasn't heavier. Whatever the conversion did, it made the human tissues harder and stronger. And more beautiful.

I found myself wishing Edward had pictures from before his conversion. I would have liked to see him with green eyes but photographs were rare from his time, and color photography didn't exist. I wondered how much the transformation had changed his appearance. How much would mine change me?

These musings only momentarily distracted me from the natural, and unnatural, beauty around me. The sunlight reflected differently off Edward's skin underwater, surrounding him in a glowing nimbus as he stroked through the water. Several times, Edward let go of my hand to dive down to pick up an urchin or a starfish to show me. He swam with such grace it was a pleasure to watch him. He looked more like an angel than ever.

The waters in the cove absolutely teemed with fish of all shapes, sizes and colors. The reef was made up of varieties of blue, green, red and white coral. Sea anemones, sea urchins and starfish dotted the reefs. There were even a couple green sea turtles feeding. Many times I wished I had brought an underwater camera.

Later towards evening we found a sheltered spot on the beach. I brought some food for dinner and we lounged on the beach watching the sun get lower, enjoying the peace and quiet, the sounds of the soothing surf surrounding us. "I didn't realize it until now," I mused, "but I was developing a complex about sunny days."

"How so?" Edward asked, his fingers drawing lazy designs on the back of my hand.

"Whenever there was sunshine you and the family would ditch school. Those were always long days for me."

He smiled. "For me too. At least you won't have to worry about that soon."

"Sure. Soon I'll be able to ditch with you," I said with a laugh. In the back of my mind I marveled; this was the first time he had mentioned my coming change without a hint of regret or disapproval. I hoped that meant he was becoming reconciled to it.

He looked out over the waves, thinking. "Have you thought of what you would major in? When we do go back to school?"

"I haven't thought about it too much until now," I replied. And it was true. Through my last year of high school, when everybody else was thinking of college and careers, I hadn't been focused on much beyond surviving to graduation.

"You were only looking at college as an alibi to becoming a vampire," he pointed out.

"It was kinda hard thinking about the future when all these people were trying to kill me," I retorted a bit sarcastically. "I figured it could wait until I was sure there would be a future." I wrinkled my forehead as a thought struck me. "I can't believe I've never asked you this before but how many degrees do you have?"

"I have two graduate degrees in medicine, one in literature, a masters degree in mechanical engineering, math, law, art history and international business. And there's all the undergraduate degrees that went with them," he recited with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Whoa," I exclaimed. Another thing to feel inadequate over. He was quite the renaissance man. It was a good thing I would have lots of time to catch up. "Where did the music come from?" I wondered.

"My mother started me at the piano when I was a boy. So I was a fair pianist by the age of seventeen." His smile crinkled his eyes. "And after I was turned, well, eighty years is a lot of time to practice."

"Did you ever practice medicine?"

Edward laughed. "People tend to get a little nervous if a 17-year old doctor is examining them."

The image of a youthful Edward examining a reluctant elderly patient brought a smile to my face, and I thought about the other members of his family.

"Have any of you besides Carlisle followed a career?"

"We all have at one time or another. Alice and I have a slight handicap in that area. Because we look younger physically, we only fit the roles of younger professionals early in their careers. So we can't work in a given field for too long. The people we work with would begin to notice and wonder why someone so young is in a senior position."

"So, I need to look for something where I don't need to work closely with other people?"

"Not necessarily but it can help, and would be less disruptive for you when we have to move."

I thought about that for a while. It was quite convenient to be married into a wealthy family, but Charlie and Renee had raised me to believe we were put on the earth for a purpose. To Charlie that meant serving the public as a peace officer. Renee was a teacher. Both of those professions worked closely with people. I'd have to think of something else.

"I told Mom I was going to major in English literature, but I was just trying to get her off me when she was giving me the third degree about marrying you. What can you do with a degree in English literature?"

"A writer or a teacher, I would think. There would be various careers opportunities for an English major in the publishing industry."

"I like writing and freelance writers work independently," I thought out loud. "They can send their work in from anywhere. Or how about a romance novelist?" I smirked.

Edward made a derisive noise. "You don't even need a degree to do that."

"Then that should be right up my alley."

Edward gave a slow smile and pulled me close. "Sure. Let me give you some material."

I hadn't finished thinking about the topic of a career, but kissing Edward was one subject I couldn't pass up, even with a hip injury. I ran my hands into his hair, and melted into him, our breathing speeding up and getting ragged. All too soon I felt him pull back. We were back to the old boundaries again. I tried to cling to him, and kissed his throat and chest before he could pull away completely.

"Be good, please," he said as he had so many times before.

"Fine," I sighed. I settled back and waited for my breath to calm. "I'd rather be bad but I guess that will have to wait for later."

"Yes, but don't hurry on my account," he said with a wicked grin. "I got what I wanted."

"What? You promised!" I cried, dismay making my voice sharper than I'd intended.

Edward pretended to cower behind his hands. "Teasing!" he said. "Good lord, remind me not to get between you and something you want."

"Aargh!" I tried to push him and ended up shoving myself back, eliciting a protest from my hip. "Now you're going to have me itching to get off this island and back to Forks!"

He smiled, unrepentant. "I'm sorry, love. I find myself a little giddy these days. Normally I would be kicking myself for a few days over injuring you but to see you happy, to know that you are mine…" He gave a happy sigh, his face fairly glowing. "I just can't stay down for long."

"I was wondering about that," I admitted. "And a little worried for a while there too. I guess married life agrees with you." He took my breath away on a normal basis. When he was this happy he was radiant. It was like looking into the face of an angel. An archangel.

"I think so," he said. "Forgive me?" He grinned my favorite grin.

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't know. I might need some more convincing. Come back over here and I'll think about it while you kiss me."

* * *

><p>The next few days followed a similar pattern. An easy activity whenever I got up, followed by quiet together time. My internal clock was still adjusting to the four-hour difference between Rio and Forks, so I tended to rise just before noon. We hiked inland on the island to a natural waterfall in the jungle – that is, Edward hiked with me in his arms. We took walks along the beach and explored some of the sea caves carved by the waves. Watching the sun set while cuddling with Edward on the beach provided an absolutely storybook ending to each day.<p>

Esme's library was stocked with a few novels that I had not read, as well as a number of movies for when we felt like being completely lazy. I found myself ecstatically happy to be there on the island with Edward, and at the same time chafed over the inconvenience of the hip brace and crutches. We would definitely have to come back when I could walk the beach by his side.

One morning I woke up and realized I had no idea what day it was. Living on an island with no schedule and no responsibilities does that to you but in the back of my mind I remembered I had a deadline somewhere.

Edward was up of course, waiting for me to stir. I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me from his pillow.

"Morning, honey," I yawned.

"Good morning," he answered and kissed me. It was such a nice way to wake up. I wouldn't have minded kissing him the rest of the morning but I did have something to ask.

"What day is it?" I inquired when I could take a breath.

"It's Thursday," he murmured against my lips.

"I mean the date."

"August 21st."

"How long were we planning to stay?" I asked.

"We can stay as long as you like. However, I seem to recall you had something to do by a certain date."

I sighed. "Yeah, I do. As much as I love being here alone with you, I need to stay on track."

Edward pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Do you mind a little suggestion?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Your mother should have made it back home by now. Why don't we take a little detour to Jacksonville?" His golden eyes were gentle.

"Are you kidding? She'll flip when she sees the crutches," I retorted, wondering where this was coming from. "Besides, we just saw her at the wedding."

"True. But it will probably be the last time you'll see her for a long time so…"

I felt my voice thicken a little as I realized he was referring to the period after my transformation. Would I even be able to see her after that? Distressing my mom over an injury paled in the face of never seeing her again. "I knew there was a reason I married you. You're so thoughtful."

He quirked a smile at me. "Really? And here I thought it was for sex."

"Oh you…ow!" I don't know why I still bothered whacking him. It only gave me bruises.

He caught my fingers and kissed them. "Alright, in the spirit of being thoughtful… I have something for you."

My eyes opened completely at that. "Edward…" I started reproachfully.

He put his finger on my lips. "Shh. It's not a hand-me-down, but you said you like home-made gifts." He turned his smoldering eyes and velvet voice on me. "And it would mean so much to me."

It was so unfair that he could disable my brain with a look. When I found my voice I whispered, "Okay."

He went back to the dresser and took something from a drawer. I stifled a groan; it was a small jewelry box. This was something I needed to get used to. Edward and his family were very generous with each other, and it obviously gave him much pleasure to give. I would have to learn to accept their gifts with good grace now that I was part of the family.

I propped myself up on one elbow, my hip complaining slightly. He opened the box, and inside was a small heart on a silver chain. The heart was made of a deep, blood-red stone and glistened in the light so that it seemed like it would flow away. It was simple but beautiful.

"You made this?" I gasped. "By hand? Ohmigod, it's beautiful." It really shouldn't surprise me anymore, the things that were possible with vampire strength and patience.

"Yes. It's a river stone that I carved and polished. Turn it over," he said.

The words _Ma Chanteuse_ were engraved on the back in Edward's flowing script. "What does it say?" I asked.

"It means 'my singer' in French," he said, his voice husky. "Even when your blood has stilled, you will always sing for me."

"Oh, Edward…" was all I could manage before my voice broke, and I threw my arms around his neck. We held each other for a long time, until the happy tears finally eased.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "_Ma chanteuse_."

"And I love you," I answered. "More than life."

* * *

><p>To be continued...<p>

Hope you liked the updated version of Chapter 1...


	3. Chapter 2: Moving Out

_**Disclaimer**: All characters are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer, and only appear here for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.  
><em>

_**Author's Note**: I've gone about this process backwards, and am having the work beta'd after I completed it and posted some of it. So things may change if you've already read them and I found I wrote something particularly boneheaded. I hope you'll bear with me and read it again._

_Many, many thanks to my beta **TwilightMomOfTwo**, who brings out the best in my work. Read her story "Resurrection". You won't be disappointed._

* * *

><p><span>Ch 2. – Moving Out<span>

The sight of Isle Esme receding in the distance sent a number of feelings tumbling through me. Who could feel good about a peaceful, wonderful, _romantic_ vacation coming to an end? At the same time, I was eager to see my mom, as well as sad about the coming visit. What if this really was the last time I'd ever see her? The predominant expression on my face must have been sadness because Edward leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"We'll come back again, love. It won't go anywhere. It's in the family."

I didn't answer, but gave him a small smile of thanks and reached up to brush my fingers softly across his cheek, before taking one last look at the lovely island.

When we arrived at the airport in Rio de Janeiro, we called Renee to tell her we were coming for a visit. Fortunately they had returned to Jacksonville a few days after the wedding. We timed our arrival for sundown, and it was late evening when Edward pulled the rental car into Renee's driveway. If my hip had allowed, I would have been bouncing in my seat in my eagerness to see my mom. Edward laughed as he listened to my racing heart and told me to calm the hummingbird down before it had a heart attack. Before I could get out of the car the front door exploded open and Renee burst out, followed by Phil.

"Your mother must have exceptional hearing," Edward observed.

"No, knowing her she's been waiting in the front room all evening." I laughed as I pushed the door open.

In the ensuing week after my injury, the hip had settled into a nagging ache that flared up on occasion. It was also quite inconvenient as my struggles to get out of the car illustrated. The hip brace was hidden under my green skirt, but I had to lift my leg with both hands to swing it out of the car.

Renee's happy squeal of greeting came to a dead stop as she saw the crutches. "What happened?" she cried in alarm.

Edward was quickly there, helping me out of the car. "I'm sorry, Renee. We were riding ziplines," he explained as he handed me the crutches.

"_Tsk_, Bella." Somehow she put years of patiently picking me up and brushing me off into that one word. I gave her a sheepish grin and a shrug of my shoulders. "Oh, I don't care I'm just so happy to see you!" she gushed and threw her arms around my neck.

"I'm fine, Mom," I reassured her, my eyes getting a little misty. The feeling of contentment I felt was second only to what I felt when Edward was with me. Wanting to memorize every curve and line on her face, I wished I had a video camera so I could bring the sound of her voice and the way she moved home with me.

"Well, let's get you into the house," she declared and stepped back to give me room to maneuver.

"Phil, how is the team doing?" Edward called from the trunk where he was getting our suitcases. Phil stepped over to give Edward a hand, and was effectively diverted into his little world.

Mom pulled me into the living room, helped me onto the couch and began telling me about the meditation class she was taking. At the moment they were studying something she called the "golden light meditation". Somehow it was supposed to get her in touch with her energies and cleanse the body of impurities. I tried to keep up with her nebulous descriptions of how the chi should flow through the body. All the while, I couldn't pull my eyes away from her. Every movement and quirk that she made I tried to commit to memory.

Then in a sudden shift she checked to make sure the men weren't within earshot and spoke in a stage whisper. "So how was the honeymoon night?"

I scrambled, trying to catch up with her. "Oh, fine, Mom," I stammered.

"Not too scary? I know I gave you the talk years ago but that never really prepares you for it."

"I was pretty nervous," I admitted.

"I was too," she smiled. "But as long as you love each other it'll be alright."

"Yes," I spoke softly, running a finger over the polished heart I wore around my neck. "Edward is pretty wonderful."

She sat smiling at me, looking at my face. I reached out and took her hand and answered with my own goofy smile. Suddenly we both burst out laughing.

"Come on, Bella." She stood up and pulled me to my feet. "We'll need to fix your bed so you and Edward will have a place to sleep tonight."

The room that would have been mine if I had moved to Florida with Renee and Phil was about the same as it was the last time Edward and I came to visit. That time he had "slept" on the couch in the living room. The bed and the desk stood in opposite corners of the room, and my boxes of things from Phoenix were still stacked in the closet and along the wall.

"Will you be okay with your twin bed?" Renee asked. "If Edward isn't comfortable we have the couch in the living room."

"We'll be fine, Mom." I didn't mention that Edward was quite comfortable spending almost every night with me in my twin bed in Forks.

After Renee helped me put fresh linens on the bed, I couldn't resist going through some of the boxes. The trip down memory lane was inevitable when I found my collection of posters and some old scrapbooks and photo albums. There were pictures of me in horribly outdated clothes and haircuts and numerous photos from ballet class. The parade of my life marched before me – birthdays, family get-togethers, school plays, a piano recital – all the mundane events that marked my life. Hidden in one of the albums were pictures of Renee and myself from the last vacation we had taken together. We looked so happy in the pictures, I felt a tear starting in the corner of my eye.

"I guess you're going to be moving out, aren't you?" Renee spoke, not sadly, but in a matter of fact fashion. The subject came so fast I couldn't think of what my story was going to be. I never could get anything past her.

"Yeah, I guess so," I sniffed, and set down the album I was leafing through.

Renee sighed. "I had hoped you would move back in once Phil and I were settled, but now that you're married that would be silly."

My brow puckered as I remembered what the story was. "Well, Edward and I kinda need to find a place to live and get settled before school."

"Then why do you seem so sad about it? You've been watching me all night long like I was going to disappear or something."

"I have?" my voice squeaked, and I cleared my throat.

Renee nodded. "You're just starting the next step of your life, sweetie. It was going to happen sometime. I loved our time together, but sooner or later you were going to leave the nest." She sat down on the bed next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.

It was such a reversal of roles for us; usually I was the one comforting her. I put my arms around her and buried my face against her neck, taking several breaths to calm myself. Joining Edward as a vampire made absolute sense to me, and I'd wanted it from the moment I realized we loved each other. Unfortunately the consequences of that decision were not as concrete before. With reality staring me in the face, I wondered what I could tell her, and of course, there was nothing that could be said. The truth was I might never see her again because as a newborn I would want to kill her, or the transformation might leave me so different I wouldn't be recognizable as her daughter anymore.

I wasn't normally a morbid person, but it was worse than how I'd imagined being at her deathbed would be like. If she were dying, death would be taking her away from me and I would have no choice in the matter. Instead I was making the choice to leave her and I couldn't tell her that I was leaving, or why.

"I always missed you," I sighed. "Then Edward came along, and I didn't want to move back anymore. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sweetie." Renee gave my shoulder a squeeze. "Life is like that. When I left home, something like that happened to me too. I was just going on a trip up the Pacific Coast with a girlfriend. Then I met your father." Renee smiled. "I didn't want to go back home either."

I mulled that over for a bit, wondering how closely I was following in my mother's footsteps. "Did you ever regret doing what you did?"

"Not really, no. Oh, wait," she frowned as she backtracked. "I suppose I must have, otherwise we wouldn't have left Forks, would we? Well, besides that, I don't think I spent too much time regretting things. I figured since there're plenty of things that go wrong, it would just take up the entire day. Your grandmother was always after me to get serious about life before it got serious with me – her words."

Renee cocked her head to the side. "I don't think you have to worry about making my mistakes. You're already starting off in a different direction, going to college after high school instead of haring off on a trip across the country. I think you'll do just fine."

"Did Grandma like Dad?" I wondered, still comparing our two lives.

"I don't really know," she admitted. "When we were married, I sent her a picture from the wedding, but she never answered and never really got to know your father. I'm just glad I got to go to your wedding because she never came to mine."

"She didn't?" I was surprised; my grandmother hadn't seemed that cold to me.

"Not really her fault," Renee corrected. "Your father and I were in a bit of a hurry, and she couldn't get away from work. She wasn't that sentimental when I was growing up, but once I came home with you she actually became more bearable. So all in all, it turned out okay."

A gentle knock at the door brought our attention to Edward standing there. In a nod to the climate of Jacksonville, he had donned a polo shirt and shorts, and the sight of him helped to ease some of my disquiet.

"Phil is getting ready for bed, so I thought I would see how you were doing," he informed us. His eyes fell on the open boxes and a smirk touched his lips. "Are you unpacking, love?"

I gave him a weak answering smile. "Just reminiscing a little. Are you ready for bed?"

Edward faked a yawn and stretched. "I am if you are."

Renee thought for a moment. "Wait a minute." She left the room. Edward sat down on the bed, pulled me into his lap and nestled me in his arms. I sighed as the feel of his arms around me helped dispel the rest of the melancholy feelings. Renee returned to the bedroom with a small jewelry box. She sat on the bed and opened the lid.

"The hair combs we gave you at the wedding were from Grandma Swan. This is something I found at a crafts fair in Seattle after I married your father. I want you to have it now." She took out an exquisite silver brooch – it was a swan, graceful in stillness, yet alive with wings poised above its head as it prepared to take flight.

"It's lovely, Mom," I breathed.

"I was sillier back then," Renee explained. "It was supposed to be symbolic, and meant I was no longer an ugly duckling. I had grown into a swan and was ready to try my wings."

Renee placed the brooch in my hand. "And now, so are you," she said quietly.

"Okay, Mom, now you're going to make me cry," I complained. Moisture gathered at the corner of my eye as I pulled her close.

Edward spoke up. "I would have to disagree, though. Bella has never been an ugly duckling."

Renee laughed and pulled the two of us into a warm embrace. "I'm so glad you found each other. You have no idea how lucky you two are. It will be fine, Bella. Just remember to call once in a while and it will be perfect. You'll come back to visit when you're able."

I took a breath to steady myself. That was not a promise I could give right now. "You're the greatest, Mom. I love you so much."

In my mom's small house, Edward couldn't help but hear my conversation with Renee. Later, after he and I had settled in bed for the night I asked him what he was thinking. We lay facing each other on the narrow bed, just enough light coming through the curtains that I could make out the shape of his face.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked. "You know, you don't _have_ to leave your mother behind."

I thought about the implications of that. It was Edward's second option – to stay together but for me to stay human. I could have my parents and my friends as if we were a normal married couple. That is, until we all started noticeably aging and Edward wasn't.

"We've gone over this before," I insisted. "I could have what? Maybe five or ten years more? We'd eventually have to move away when people start wondering how you stay so young while my hair is going gray. No, if it has to happen, I'd like it to be now rather than later."

Edward stroked my hair, pensive. "When I was created, it was easier. There was no one to leave behind. Rosalie had a hard time too." He sighed. "I just don't like to see you sad or giving things up for me."

I found his face with my lips. "I know you do. I'll probably be sad for a while, but I'm still sure. Mom was right; it's time for me to fly. As long as you're with me, I'll be fine."

"Besides," I said between kisses. "If I stay human, we'll never be able to...you know." I felt a flush rise in my cheeks, and I was sure he could feel the heat coming off my face. "What kind of married life would that be?"

"You and your hormones," he joked.

"Now admit it. That was your first time too. Maybe you don't have hormones, but now that you've had a taste, would you be satisfied to let me stay human? I know you have the self-control of a monk but…would you be happy?"

Edward thought about that for a while, then turned his face into the pillow and groaned.

"That sounds like no."

He lifted his head and gave me a gentle kiss. "You're right. I want to be able to show you, in all the ways there are, how much I love you."

I stroked his cheek with my fingers. "I want to be able to show you too."

He sighed. "I still feel like I'm being selfish though."

"You're not being selfish if I want it too."

"It is if, in the giving, I receive far more than what I gave, and still manage to take away something in the process."

I shook my head, trying to wrap my head around his convoluted thoughts. "You always find some way to blame yourself, don't you?"

"I only take the responsibility that is mine," he persisted.

"Which you think is just about everything," I argued. "You know, I think I might change my major to psychology."

That surprised him. "Why psychology?"

"If I'm ever going to understand how your mind works, I'm going to need all the help I can get."

He chuckled, then bent closer to kiss me. "We have a long flight tomorrow, love. You'd better get some sleep." He settled me closer into his chest, and began to sing my lullaby. Calmer now, I let him soothe me to sleep.

The next day, for old times' sake, I got up and made breakfast for Renee and Phil. Before Phil went off to work, I got out my camera and had him take some pictures of Edward and Renee with me. Still feeling nostalgic, I rescued a few things to take back to Forks – a couple of the scrapbooks and photo albums. The dolls and things could all go to Goodwill.

We had some time before our flight that evening, and Renee wanted to show us a little of Jacksonville. We were fortunate that thunderstorms were forecast for that day, so we had good cloud cover. We went to the Jacksonville Riverwalk in downtown, and ended up at Renee's favorite - The Tree Hill Nature Center - which had extensive butterfly gardens. We both laughed at the number of butterflies that settled on Edward's skin. They must have been attracted by the unique way his skin reflected light.

When it was time to leave for our flight, Phil was still at work. Edward put our things in the car and I stood close to Renee, drinking in the sight of her face again.

"I'll see you again, silly," she said with a laugh.

I pulled her close, my voice thickening already. "Take care of yourself, Mom."

"I will. Love you."

Squeezing her tight, I tried to communicate all the love I had for her in one hug. I took a deep inhalation, committing the scent of sunscreen, facial soap and moist skin to memory. "Love you too," I whispered.

She stroked my hair for a moment and patted my back, then she had to break first, because I wasn't about to. "Gotta go, baby." She gently turned me towards the car.

Renee stood in the driveway, waving goodbye. Staring out the back window, I waved for as long as I could see her, until we made the last turn. Then I turned around and leaned into Edward's shoulder and wiped the tears as they gathered at the corners of my eyes. I expected I would be doing a lot of crying over the next week as I left my human life behind. It didn't seem to matter that this was all premeditated. Each goodbye would take a little piece of me with it. It was a good thing I didn't have that many close friends or this would be a long, unbearable process.

* * *

><p>After the long flight from Florida to Washington, I was pretty tired. As soon as I had buckled my seatbelt I was asleep and didn't stir until we were back at the house, and Edward was kissing me awake.<p>

The whole family was waiting in front of the house. Alice bounced to the car as I groggily tried to emerge from it. "Welcome home!" she caroled, lifted me out of the car and threw her arms around me.

"Thanks, Alice," I answered. "Thanks, everybody." I was too out of it to be embarrassed by the attention, but I was sure it was in the back of my mind somewhere. Edward unloaded the car as I pulled out my crutches and started hobbling up to the front steps.

"Bella, did you fall down again?" Of course it was Emmett. The crutches were probably all that was saving me from one of his crushing bear hugs.

"You could say that," I mumbled as the color climbed up my face, and Emmett guffawed.

"Welcome home." Carlisle and Esme greeted us warmly as they embraced us. Jasper and Rosalie were more reserved but sincere as they welcomed us.

Now that I thought about it, this was my first time home with my in-laws. From the stories I'd read, young brides would normally be nervous about moving in with their husband's family. However they were usually girls who had grown up completely in their parents' house and for whom this was their first time truly away from home.

Many couples might find a place of their own immediately after getting married, to take the time to grow together without interference from the parents. But considering my coming…alterations…it seemed a good idea to have the family around me. I already felt quite comfortable with Edward's family and they made it seem so easy, I sometimes forgot they were vampires.

"Not so fast." Edward's voice was right behind me as I set the crutches on the bottom step. He plucked the crutches out of my hands and scooped me up in his arms. "One more threshold to go," he smiled down at me, and carried me upstairs to his room. Actually, now I could say 'our room'; that was going to take some adjustment. He set me down in front of our bed and kissed me. "Be right back," he said and left to get the luggage.

Alice appeared at the door with one of the suitcases. I knew how strong she was but it still looked out of place to see this petite little girl easily carrying with one hand a trunk that must have weighed fifty pounds.

"Did you have fun?" she asked as she set it down with a thump.

I sat down on the bed. "Loads," I smiled. "The island is amazing. I would think you'd want to move down there."

"Too much sun. But it's fine for a visit." She sat next to me and pointed at my crutches. "Is that from…"

I blushed scarlet again, but Alice was my sister now. "You didn't...see?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "I'm not going to look in on your honeymoon, silly! I just made sure you came home safe, so I wasn't sure how you got that."

"Um, yeah, it was from that," I said, wishing we could drop the subject as my face flamed.

Alice shook her head at me. "That was very dangerous, Bella. You're more than just a danger magnet. Who else would turn their honeymoon into an extreme sport?"

"I know." For a moment I couldn't take my eyes off my toes, but I remembered something. "Hey, if it was going to be so dangerous couldn't you have packed something a little safer? Just about everything in that suitcase was going to give him ideas."

"This was your show, so I wasn't going to send you down there unarmed," she smirked. "At least you weren't hurt too badly. How did he take it?"

"You know him," I rolled my eyes. "But he took it better than the last time I got hurt."

"Good. I've been telling him to lighten up for years. Well, the sooner we change you the better." She looked around Edward's room. "So what do you want to do with this place?"

I looked up, confused. "What do you mean?"

"This is going to be your room too. Don't you want to make it look like a girl lives here?"

"Oh, I hadn't thought about that."

I looked around the room. With the exception of the bed, Edward's room had not changed much from the first time I had visited. The walls were still hung with the thick cloth to improve the acoustics. Bookshelves were still stacked floor to ceiling with CDs and some vinyl LPs, and the space age sound system occupied one corner. Everything was arranged meticulously as was Edward's habit.

Then I noticed something new. One shelf had been cleared of music. There were pictures and some other things that I hadn't seen before. I got up and hobbled over to take a closer look. There was a cap from a bottle of lemonade, a CD I had given him, and several framed pictures. A picture of Edward and I dancing at the wedding was set in a dark wooden frame. Edward was beautiful as always in the dark tuxedo, and for once I didn't look so plain dancing next to him, with my hair piled high before tumbling down my back, and the shimmering white satin flowing down to the floor. The warm feeling that welled up surprised me. I was so happy to be married to Edward now, I felt ashamed I had put up such a fuss over the event itself.

Alice stepped noiselessly to my side to look at the pictures with me, so I turned and gave her the biggest hug I could manage while balanced on one leg. "Thank you for my wedding, Alice," I spoke into her hair. "You were right. I just wish I could remember more of it, I was so nervous."

Alice gave me a satisfied smile. "I said you'd thank me. I'm glad it didn't take fifty years though."

"It's a good thing I didn't take that bet," Edward's voice came from the door, as he brought in the other suitcase.

"We were just thinking about a little redecoration." Alice gave him a mischievous grin. "We'll need to throw out some things to make room for Bella's stuff."

I saw Edward's eyes widen a bit. It seemed that human or vampire, males had territory issues and I moved to head off Alice's teasing. "Oh, I don't need a lot of space. And you've seen my room; I'm not much of an interior decorator."

Edward smiled, "It's alright, love. I've already cleared space for you in the closet. I know that, unlike some people, you don't feel the need to add a new wing to the house just to store your clothes." His grin widened as he spoke. Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

I hitched myself over to my trunk and started rummaging through it. "Alice, we're going to have to find a place to store most of the things you packed for me. I don't think we'll have the right weather in Forks to wear most of this stuff."

"Oh, I can think of some things you'll have a use for…later," she said, a wicked smile on her face.

"Gah, is that all you guys can think about? Between you and Emmett, I swear I'm going to die of embarrassment." I wished, just once, I wouldn't blush so easily. I changed the subject. "Okay, enough. Let's call Charlie and let him know we're coming over tomorrow to move my stuff."

* * *

><p>I felt a little guilty, not being able to help. It was my stuff after all, but hobbling around on crutches didn't allow for it. Not that I had much to move. I wasn't bringing the entire contents of my room to Edward's house. He had more than I would ever need, as well as a bigger bed, so I just had personal items to pack, such as my books and my clothes. I only had a few CDs now, having destroyed my collection a year ago. One good thing about not having much money was you didn't accumulate a lot of crap for when it came time to move.<p>

Charlie had given Edward a bit of a hard time when we arrived and he saw my hip brace and crutches. "What the hell happened?" he stormed. "You've only been married for a week and you already broke her?"

Edward gave a guilty start. "I'm so sorry, Charlie, we were riding ziplines when it happened," he explained with a look of embarrassment. I wondered if I would ever be able to act as well as he could. This secret life thing wasn't going to be easy. "I was right behind her but wasn't fast enough when she lost her hold. I'm just happy it wasn't more than a dislocated hip."

"Geez, and here I thought you were the responsible one." Charlie made a disgusted noise. Responsible compared to Jacob was the unspoken thought. I saw the tightening of Edward's jaw, but he said nothing. He started pulling boxes out of the car and carrying them into the house.

After my meager belongings were packed, I sat on my bed for a while and looked around the room. The toy chest with my old toys in it would stay, and my ancient computer would go to a worthy charity or be recycled. The rocking chair was the one sentimental item coming with me; Edward would sit in it for hours watching me sleep during the early days of our relationship.

Charlie walked up the stairs and into my room. He was looking a little forlorn, and I wasn't far behind. I had hated this room when I first moved to Forks. It reminded me of everything I had left behind in Phoenix – sunshine, summer heat, shorts and flip-flops...and my mom. But over the last year, the hours Edward and I had spent talking, cuddling, fighting and making up here had changed the feel of the room. I would always remember it with fondness from now on.

Charlie sighed as he sat on the bed next to me. "Got everything you need?" he asked.

"I guess so." I cast my eyes about the room.

"Well, if you forget anything you still have a key. I won't change the locks."

"Thanks, Dad." I knew what I had to say, but I didn't want to say it. A new fissure threatened to open in my chest, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I just had to blurt it out. "But it might be hard to come back from New Hampshire to get it, you know?"

Charlie blinked. "New Hampshire?"

"Edward and I were thinking of moving there a little early to set up housekeeping. Then maybe see a little of the East Coast before school starts."

"Oh." The disappointment on his face was obvious. "But you guys just got back from your honeymoon. Don't you want to hang out and enjoy your last summer before starting school?"

"Dad, school starts in less than a month, and we have to find a place to live and stuff. So maybe a week or so. We don't have that much time."

Charlie put his arms around me and squeezed. "No, we didn't have that much time," he muttered.

I closed my eyes and squeezed him back. "I'm sorry I won't be here to take care of you."

"You know, I managed just fine before you moved up here."

When I opened my eyes I couldn't see anyway. I wiped my face on his shirt like I had as a little girl. "I love you, Dad. I'll miss you."

"Love you too, Bells," he answered. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "And if Edward ever makes you unhappy…"

"Dad!"

"I'm just putting it out there."

"I know, I know."

Just then Edward's footsteps sounded on the stairs. "That's everything, love," he announced.

Charlie let go of me and turned towards Edward. "Bella tells me you guys are leaving for school already."

"Yes, I hope that's alright. We have less than a month until school starts, so there's no sense waiting for the last minute." Edward smiled. "We'll come visit when we can. Perhaps during Christmas break."

Charlie stood and helped me to my feet. "You better," he grumped. "Well, Bella, at least I had you for a couple years. Try and call every so often, okay?"

"I will, Dad." I had to take a breath or two, as I could feel the waterworks starting up.

"I'll take care of her, Charlie," Edward said and picked me up in his arms to carry me downstairs.

Under his breath Charlie muttered, "I've heard that before, too."

* * *

><p>Charlie stood at the front door seeing us off. I somehow managed to hobble back to the car, stow the crutches and close the car door without getting hysterical. As soon as Edward sat behind the wheel, I buried my face in his shoulder and surrendered, one tear escaping before I could brush it away. With a concerned look on his face, he put his arm around me, whispering comforting words while rubbing my shoulder.<p>

Was it only one and a half years ago that I had moved up here? And for half of one year I was practically catatonic. Though I'd never taken an interest in it, I found myself wishing I had gone fishing with him after I moved up to Forks. Between his fishing on the weekends, and my spending every waking moment with Edward or Jacob, school or work, we hadn't had much father/daughter time.

Although as I thought about it, there were many companionable mealtimes once I'd taken over the kitchen. I didn't count the weeks I was grounded as quality time, since we weren't on great speaking terms then.

I was walking away from my life. My mom and dad and my friends. I knew it was something I had to do to move on to my new life, but that didn't make it any easier.

Edward stayed fairly quiet during the drive home from Charlie's house, trying to comfort me. By the time we had reached the turnoff to the Cullen's home, I had mostly calmed down.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

I sniffled a little. "I'm going to miss them. I wish there was a way they could know about us without being put in danger. What if they never told the secret? Remember when I first figured you out? I was never going to tell anybody."

"The Volturi…"

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. The Volturi didn't make exceptions, and didn't give second chances. The few humans that knew about them were either destined to become one of them, or would become dinner. Once again, for me there was no turning back.

I thought for a moment. "Do you ever wish you could go back?" I asked. "To being human, I mean."

"For a while in the beginning, I did. I hated being a monster, even though I was ridding the world of human monsters. I resented what I was, and wished I could go back."

He pulled my hair back from my face and kissed my cheek. "But if I were human, I would have died before meeting you. And there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to be with you. Even having to be a monster."

"The same goes for me." I replied. "I'd give up my life to be with you."

Edward sighed and pulled my head towards his. "I still wish I could become human for you, and not the other way."

"Thanks Edward. I know you would."

Now that I was officially moved out of both parents' houses, a sense of finality hit home and a sigh escaped me. A small hollow feeling opened up in my chest at the thought that I might never see them or spend time with them again. Never again to hear Charlie's sigh of contentment after a good meal, or help Renee keep her life in order.

Yet that was the price I was prepared to pay. Edward had said it might be possible to have contact with them once I gained control over myself, and while part of me yearned for it, another part wasn't sure it was a good idea. Besides, with the wedding, with the last goodbye, I had done what I could to give them a happy resolution with me. Now, all that remained was to take the final step into Edward's world.

I gazed up at my favorite view in the world – Edward's marble-smooth face with the tousled bronze hair going in all directions – and gave his arm a squeeze as he drove. The smile he turned on me helped wash away the melancholy feelings like sunlight burning off the fog, replacing the sadness with excitement and a little trepidation. What kind of vampire would I be? How soon would I be able to live a normal life like they did? As usual, no sooner did one question get answered than several more popped up to take its place. I gave my head a little shake, to regain my focus. Edward was all the reason I needed for my decisions, and very soon he would be mine for all eternity. As long as I had him, I could take whatever fate decided to throw at me.

* * *

><p>To be continued...<p>

I hope you've enjoyed the show. Please leave a review if so inclined...


	4. Chapter 3: Moving On

_**Disclaimer**: All characters are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer, and only appear here for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.  
><em>

_**Author's Note**: I've gone about this process backwards, and am having the work beta'd after I completed it and posted some of it. So things may have changed if you've already read them and I found I wrote something particularly boneheaded. I hope you'll bear with me and read it again._

_Many, many thanks to my beta **TwilightMomOfTwo**, who's kept me on the straight and narrow. Read her story "Resurrection". It's excellent._

* * *

><p><span>Ch 3. Moving On<span>

As Edward pulled the car into the garage, I was struck by how novel the situation still was to me. I wasn't in the habit of wearing jewelry and found myself fidgeting with my wedding ring like so many newlyweds do, unaccustomed to wearing something on their finger. Yet somewhere along the way it had lost the feeling of being a boat anchor the way it had the first time he'd put it on. Even without our bargain, it felt right to be married to Edward. I smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Penny for your thoughts, Mrs. Cullen?" he smiled back.

"I am a little sad, but I don't want you to think I'm only sad," I stroked my fingertips across the back of his cold hand. "I'm happy too. I'm happy to be married to you, and I'm looking forward to being married to you forever."

Edward's lips moved in a tender smile and his face seemed to glow as he looked down at me, then a hint of regret passed through his eyes. I knew what he was thinking. "I suppose it's time we start working on that forever part then."

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, a little apprehensive.

"I thought maybe if we gave you enough morphine it would be better, but that just dulls the senses. I remember enough of the experience that I'd rather you didn't have to go through any of that, dull or not." He shuddered a bit.

Thinking about the pain made the color drain from my face. "Can we go talk to Carlisle?" I asked.

"In his office. I'll take you to him, then bring up your belongings."

I rolled my eyes. "I can walk, you know. The crutches aren't so bad." And to prove my point, I shoved open my door, picked up my leg and began maneuvering it out.

Edward was at my door in an instant and quirked a smile at me. "I know. But since you're not going to need me to carry you for much longer, I'm enjoying it while I can. Besides, thresholds are still part of my job description." He effortlessly lifted me out of the car and set me on my feet.

"Fine." I smiled and stretched up on one tiptoe to kiss him, steadying myself with the crutches.

He chuckled, picked me up and cradled me in one arm, grabbed my crutches with the other hand, and walked lightly up the stairs. Emmett was in the living room watching a baseball game. He looked up long enough to give us a cheery wave. Edward deposited me at the top of the stairs and went back down.

Carlisle was sitting behind his desk reading a medical journal. He looked up as I knocked.

"Come in, Bella." He got up and helped me into a chair. "What can I do for you?"

"Did Edward tell you that we're ready?"

"Not in so many words, but I assumed the time was drawing nigh." The amused smile on Carlisle's face made him look almost as youthful as Edward – almost.

"Yes, well, I'm wondering what is involved."

Carlisle sat back down behind his desk. "I expect Edward has told you about the pain."

I nodded, trying not to let the nerves show in my face.

"Normally for pain I would prescribe any of a number of painkillers, the most powerful being morphine. However, as I recall we tried that before. Do you remember when James bit you?"

A shiver twitched through my shoulders and out of reflex I rubbed my wrist. The passage of over a year had helped dull some of the horror of that day, but the scar would not let me forget. Though cold to the touch, the agony of James' bite stood out in my mind, as if my wrist had been branded with red-hot steel.

Carlisle took my response as confirmation. "When we found you in the studio, I administered morphine and Edward could even taste it in your blood, but you had still screamed at the pain in your wrist, not of your many other injuries. So you were still able to feel the venom in spite of the painkillers, weren't you?"

I gazed at Carlisle with a shrinking feeling in my stomach. This was something I'd hoped to keep from Edward; he had had enough reservations against changing me as it was. Although in light of our recent conversations on the subject, I was fairly sure that he would keep his word. I swallowed and said faintly, "Yes, I could feel it."

Carlisle's face shifted thoughtfully as one finger tapped the desk. "If an opiate painkiller is not effective, what does that leave us?" He didn't seem to be speaking directly to me. After a moment, his eyes found mine again. "I think it would be better to try to give you a general anesthetic. If you're sedated, you won't be awake to feel any pain."

"That sounds good. How do you do that?"

"I'll have to set up an IV– "

"Ugh, needles?" I grimaced.

Carlisle smiled. "I'm afraid so. As brave as you are, and you don't like needles?"

"Tell me about it," Edward said sourly, as he came into the office and sat down next to me. "Newborns, werewolves, sadistic vampires – no problem. Needles and blood?" He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head. "So you were thinking of administering a general? That's probably a good idea. I think I'd rather she were asleep for it if possible."

"The IV would also make it possible to administer the venom more effectively as well."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "That's a novel idea."

Carlisle's brow furrowed as he began explaining to me. "This is the first time I've given thought to the conversion process. All the previous ones were rather spur of the moment, life-or-death decisions so I just did what was necessary. I don't think anyone has thought of making it more…humane.

"Part of the reason it takes so long is because the venom creeps outward from the bite area. As the human tissues are transformed, they produce their own venom which makes the process self-propagating. Otherwise, there wouldn't be enough venom in a single bite to transform all the tissues in a human body."

Edward nodded in agreement. "So by administering more venom through the IV, we can transform more of the tissues at once, making the conversion time shorter. What else would it do?" His voice petered out and he lapsed into stillness as he thought. Suddenly he frowned. "I think I see a problem."

"What?" Carlisle and I both asked at once.

"These medications work on humans, not our kind. Sooner or later, as the tissues are converted, they'll stop responding to the drugs. She's bound to wake up when that happens."

The corners of Carlisle's mouth turned down as he considered this. "That is an excellent point. I think I've been working with humans for too long. This is one place where we are hopelessly backwards compared to humans. Hundreds of years of thought, and decades of research have resulted in a decent understanding of how the human body works, yet in all that time no one has done anything remotely similar with vampires. As long as we were nigh indestructible and never got sick, who would even wonder about vampire health or physiology?"

"What options remain open to us?" Edward asked quietly.

"Not many." Carlisle sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "General anesthesia is essentially the ultimate painkiller. Alternatives like acupuncture have been used in some cultures in place of local anesthetic, but considering the unknown area we're already treading, I don't think this is a good time to experiment.

"Consider this – we administered morphine _after_ James bit you. This is sheer speculation, but perhaps the presence of the venom at the bite zone prevented the drug from binding to the pain receptors, enabling you to still feel the pain. I'm thinking if morphine is present in the body _before_ the venom is introduced, there could perhaps be some pain reduction."

"Until those tissues are converted, that is." Edward's expression was dubious. "We don't have many options."

"Agreed. Nitrous, epidural, anything we could administer may eventually cease to be efficacious." Carlisle focused on me. "Bella, the conversion process renders all of our knowledge useless. The only constant we can rely on is that the conversion takes time, and it is painful. However if what I'm thinking about works as I hope it will, we may be able to reduce how long you feel the pain."

"We would have to be careful with the dosage," Edward warned in response to Carlisle's unspoken proposal. "Morphine could have a compounding effect with the general anesthetic. Even vampire venom wouldn't bring her back if we stopped her heart prematurely."

"I'll research the pharmaceutical characteristics," promised Carlisle.

I looked from one to the other. Between the two of them, they had untold years of medical experience and I trusted they would keep me safe. That was not what concerned me. "It's still going to hurt though, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

Carlisle hesitated before answering. "I think so. I think the best I can advise is for you to be sedated before we administer the venom. We can also begin a morphine drip at that time to try and get in front of the pain."

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stir at the thought of the pain and I suppressed a shudder; I couldn't look like a coward in front of Edward. When I could find my voice, I said, "Sleeping through most of it sounds good to me."

"And me," Edward agreed.

"It's settled then." Carlisle rose from his chair. "I think it's time we talked with the others."

Something occurred to me. "Umm– " I began.

"Was there something else?" Carlisle asked.

A slight flush started up my face; I wasn't sure how to put this. "If we use an IV, you'll have to be there, right?"

"Somebody has to insert the IV."

I winced when he said 'insert', then I stumbled along. "Well, I thought that this was something that would be between Edward and me, soo…" I trailed off and hid my face against Edward's shoulder.

Carlisle laughed and Edward joined him. "Is that how it is? Don't worry, Edward knows how to prepare an IV as well as I do. You'll have your time alone. Now let's go find everybody else."

= 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 =

As we gathered in the dining room, it sank in that this was the first time I was attending a family meeting as an official member of the family. Yet there was no awkwardness and it felt quite natural as I sat between Edward and Esme. Carlisle sat at the head, followed by Emmett, Rosalie and Alice. Jasper still took the chair furthest from me but I took no offense; it was his way of being considerate.

Carlisle cleared his throat and spoke. "As you all know, Bella will soon be joining the family – on a more permanent basis."

"Finally!" shouted Emmett. Alice grinned and Esme laid a hand on my shoulder with a happy smile on her face. Rosalie's expression didn't change, but at least she didn't look angry. The corners of Jasper's mouth widened slightly and I imagined he was looking forward to the time he wouldn't be tempted by my scent anymore.

Carlisle continued. "It is with great pleasure that I welcome another daughter into the family. However, before Bella can fully join us, we need to discuss the treaty with the Quileutes that prohibits us from changing a human."

Carlisle looked at Edward and I with a more serious expression. "Even without the Volturi edict, I wouldn't deny you the last step to your happiness, but everybody should be aware of the situation. If the pack feels we are in violation and decides to enforce the treaty, we will need to leave. You all saw how many members the pack has. If it came to a pitched battle with them, I doubt we could prevail."

"Run off by a pack of dogs?" Rosalie's brow furrowed in distaste, yet she still managed to make a frown look attractive.

"We have to be practical, Rosalie," Jasper pointed out. "One-on-one, we have a good chance. But the pack doesn't hunt that way, and it only seems to be growing. When Bella first met the wolves, there were five. The last we saw them together in June they had ten members. At that rate, by now they could have even more. The odds would not be good."

"I was hoping we had at least a couple more years here. Ooh, I hate high school," Rosalie complained.

"It'll be okay, Rose," Emmett grinned. "Wanna go to the prom with me?"

"It's either leave or fight," Jasper insisted.

"Do you think it will come to that?" Esme asked Carlisle. "Unless we've declared otherwise, we're still their allies after dealing with the newborn invasion. You and Edward helped nurse Jacob back to health. Surely that should be worth some consideration."

Carlisle pursed his lips. "In the beginning, any violation of the treaty would have been grounds for an instant attack, but times are different now. Some of the pack even came to the wedding – including Billy Black, a tribal elder. So they can't be completely against this union."

"Why don't we call Sam?" Edward suggested. "We've re-negotiated before. It couldn't hurt to talk."

"Yes, please," I seconded. "I don't want you all to be forced to move because of me."

"It couldn't hurt," Carlisle agreed. "In the meantime, just in case this does not go well, the rest of you should start making preparations if we do need to pull out." Carlisle got up, ending the meeting. He motioned for Edward and me to accompany him.

Alice stopped to give me a hug as she passed. "I'm so excited!" she squealed.

"Thanks, Alice." I smiled, then she was gone.

I looked up and my heart gave a lurch – Rosalie was standing next to me. There was no animosity in her expression. Only sadness.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Bella?" she asked me in a soft voice.

There was no help for it. It seemed no matter what I did I ended up offending Rosalie. But her values weren't the same as mine. She had grown up during a time when getting married, having children and growing old with the man you loved were the best things that could happen to a woman. Vampire or not, times had definitely changed.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie," I replied. "I know how much it means to you to be human, but everything I want is on this side, with Edward. We tried it the other way and..." I tapped my hip brace.

"But you can still have children," Rosalie pleaded with me. "You don't know how precious that is! You can't just throw it away."

"But if I were to have children, I'd want to have them with Edward and nobody else," I argued, without heat. "He can't grow old with me or have children. Since I married him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, I figure that to mean children or no children too. Not that I want to have children right now, but that's what came with the package."

Rosalie made an impatient noise. "How do you know? You're only eighteen!"

"Rosalie–" Edward began warningly.

I held up a hand to him. "Rosalie," I asked. "If you could go back and have children, but you had to give up Emmett, would you do it?"

Rosalie wavered as she was torn between two things she wanted very dearly, and it showed as she gazed at me helplessly.

"You see, for me there is no question," I spoke without hesitation. "I know I have to be with Edward. I know what it's like to live without him. So if this is what I have to give up to be with him…that's what I'll do. I hope you can understand."

Rosalie stared at me for a while then sighed, closed her eyes and tilted her head back. "Agh!" she cried in frustration, opened her eyes and fled from the room.

= 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 =

Edward, Carlisle and I returned to Carlisle's office to make the call to Sam. Seated behind his desk, Carlisle picked up the phone and dialed Sam's number. After a few moments he got an answer. "Hello? Is this Emily? This is Carlisle Cullen. May I speak to Sam, please? He is? I will, thank you very much." Carlisle depressed the receiver and began dialing again. "He's down at the Black's place," he explained.

I turned to Edward and stretched towards his ear. "If they won't allow us, where will we go?"

"We may go back to Ithaca, where the rest of the family went when we...when I left you. Esme wasn't finished with the house she was working on. If that situation doesn't work there's always Denali. It might be a good time for you to spend some time with your new relatives." He had an amused smile, probably thinking about my response to Tanya.

"Hello, Billy, it's Dr. Cullen. How are you feeling?" Carlisle quietly turned on the speaker phone and set down the handset.

"I've been better," Billy answered. "I think my feet are feeling some change in the weather."

"Fall is coming soon," Carlisle agreed. "Or perhaps you're having a reaction to the medication. You should come by and see me some time."

"No, I'm sure the medicine's fine. Actually, this isn't really a good time. Sam's over here and we're in the middle of something right now.

"Actually, I was hoping to speak with Sam. Could you have him call me when you're finished?"

Sam's voice came from the background. "You know, let me talk to him. This is about them after all."

"Hang on, Dr. Cullen, Sam's right here." There was a brief pause, then Sam spoke.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Sam. Emily told me I might find you at the Black's."

"What can I do for you?" Sam's voice was deep and calm as always.

"I'm calling about a matter of some delicacy," Carlisle replied. "You see, it's regarding Bella and Edward."

Sam paused briefly. "Is there a problem with them?"

"You could say that. The problem arises because they are a married couple…but they are not both vampire."

"That's true, but shouldn't they have thought about that before they got married?"

Carlisle gave a rueful laugh. "Well, you know how impulsive young people are."

Suddenly Jacob's voice broke out in the background. "Yeah, but they're not both young _people_!" Apparently like vampires, werewolf hearing was sensitive enough to hear both sides of a telephone conversation.

"Jake!" Billy rebuked him.

"Knock it off, Jake!" Sam said, away from the phone, then his voice returned. "Sorry, Dr. Cullen, we were actually in the middle of discussing them when you called.

"Discussing Edward and Bella in regards to the treaty?" Carlisle asked.

Sam seemed to hesitate. "That and a few other things."

"Well, that was what I wanted to talk to you about." Carlisle seemed to square his shoulders and take a breath. "Speaking plainly, we'd like to request an exemption to the treaty."

"To change Bella?" Sam asked slowly.

"No!" Jacob broke in again. "You can't do it! If you kill her, we'll kill you!"

"Jake! Shut up!" Sam's outburst wasn't quite away from the phone and it echoed loudly in Carlisle's office.

"I won't shut up!" Jacob continued, his outraged voice easily picked up by the phone. "We're supposed to be the protectors, but if we give in on this we're no better than they are! We have to stop it! Hang up the damn phone!"

There came the sound of scuffling, followed by a loud bang as if the phone had been dropped. I wondered what was going on, but we could still hear them.

"Do you even know what you're asking?" Sam demanded. "Are you ready to go to war?"

"Yes!"

"You'd throw away the lives of your pack over someone who _wants_ to be changed? Does that make sense?"

"Of course it does!"

"Maybe for you, but not for me! And I have to think of the safety of the tribe and the pack."

"I don't believe this shit!" Jake snarled. "It's black and white – they bite somebody, it's the same as killing somebody and that's it! Treaty's broken! What else do they gotta do before you'll do something about it? Massacre the whole town?"

Sam seemed to take a moment to calm himself. His voice was lower when he continued. "Jake, that's not the situation and you know it. I know how you feel about this, but I'm sorry – Bella wants to be with him. Why do you think she married him? You gotta stop hanging onto her like this. It's over."

Jake muttered, just barely loud enough for me to hear. "The hell it is, she's still alive."

"Jacob, wait," Billy interrupted. "Let me talk to her."

"I'm getting out of here, old man," Jacob's voice sneered. "I need to be around some people with balls."

The sound of a door banging open in the distance came from the speaker. "You _will_ leave the Cullens alone, you hear me?" Sam shouted. I wondered if he had used one of _those_ commands to insure Jake's compliance.

The sound of the phone being picked up was followed by Sam's voice.

"Hello?" He spoke at a more normal level, albeit with a hint of irritation.

"Hi, Sam, I'm still here," Carlisle responded.

"Sorry about Jake. He's a little upset." At the edge of my vision, Edward rolled his eyes hugely. "Well, for what it's worth, I'm willing to make the exception," Sam continued, and I felt a brief flare of relief at his words – the family wouldn't have to be uprooted because of me. "When the elders created the treaty, I don't think they thought anybody would _choose_ to become a Cold One. Oh, wait, here's Billy."

"Hi, is Bella there?" Billy's deep, throaty voice spoke. "I'd like to speak with her if I could."

Carlisle waved at me to proceed. I took a breath, figuring this wouldn't be easy.

"I'm here, Billy."

"Let me get right down to it, Bella," Billy began. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? You can't go back if you change your mind."

I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to give him any negatives he could use against me. "Yes, I know. I know things will be different."

"Most likely, you won't be able to see Charlie again. Your dad's my friend, Bella. You don't know what it did to him, but I was there when your mom took off with you. It took him a while to come out of that. You're older now, but that doesn't make him care for you any less."

I stared at my hands folded in my lap, trying to fight the pang of guilt, and felt Edward's arm reach gently around my shoulders. "I know that," I muttered.

Relentlessly, Billy kept it up. "If you know that, why do you still want to go through with this? I don't know about your mom, but Charlie will really miss you. Why can't you just stay human? Do you really understand what you're giving up by doing this?"

Part of the rebellious teenager in me felt this wasn't any of his business, but that didn't prevent it from striking a chord. I gazed at Edward's face to find my resolve, and the smile of encouragement he gave me melted some of the icy guilt inside me.

"I feel bad about Charlie and Renee, but I've already said my goodbyes to them. Edward and I are married, but it's not a whole marriage. He still has to watch himself around me, and he worries all the time about things that might happen to me. What if one of the imprinted werewolves couldn't phase back to human? He'd still be in love with his girl, but they couldn't do anything about it because he might kill her. That's what it's like for us.

"And on top of all that, Edward promised the Volturi that he'd change me. If they come here and check, they'll kill me if I'm still human."

"What's this? You told Jacob about getting in trouble with some vampires in Italy, but not this part."

"It's true. Edward had to promise them so they'd let us go. And as we left they said they would make sure we kept our side of the agreement."

"We can protect you," Billy offered.

"I'm not sure about that, Billy," Carlisle disputed. "The Guard is larger than my family, and they have gifts far beyond what Edward and Alice can do. It's not a good idea to cross swords with them if you have an alternative."

"I don't want to put any of you in danger, and I don't know if they like werewolves." I glanced at Carlisle and he gave a minute shake of his head. "Carlisle says no, so if they come here you're at risk too. I chose this life to be with Edward; but the option has been taken out of my hands. I have to do this, Billy."

Billy's sigh was loud in the quiet office. "This will kill him, Bella."

I bit my lip for a minute, then spoke slowly, trying to control the quaver in my voice. "That's why I'm glad he has good friends like you and Sue to help him through it."

Several heartbeats of silence passed. "Alright, Bella, I'll look out for him." Billy's voice was very tired.

"Thanks, Billy. I appreciate that."

Carlisle stirred behind his desk. "Yes, thank you, Billy. And thank Sam for being understanding."

There was a quick exchange of the phone. "One more thing," Sam's voice broke in. "Just make sure you watch her, okay? Treaty still applies once she's changed."

"That has always been our intention. We'll take care of her. Thank you, again, Sam." Carlisle's voice was sincere with his gratitude.

"Okay, well good luck to you," Sam said gruffly.

Carlisle thanked him again and ended the call. "I'm surprised," he remarked. "I had no idea Sam would be reasonable about this."

"Billy, as well. Jacob, on the other hand, was rather predictable," Edward had a wry expression on his face.

Carlisle rose from his seat. "Excellent. Now that that's been settled, let's tell the family the good news. And you and I need to make some preparations," he said to Edward.

The butterflies started in my stomach again, but for a different reason. Now that the decisions had been made, I felt the need for a comforting voice and Edward was busy. "I'm going to talk to Esme for a minute." I picked up my crutches and rose from my chair.

= 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 =

The door to Esme's office was open. She had just finished unpacking a number of boxes. "Hello, dear," she greeted me with a smile.

"Hi, Esme. Are you in the middle of something?" I asked.

"Not at all, come in and sit down." She helped me sit on one end of the chaise in her office, my braced leg extended awkwardly.

She sat down next to me, "You seem a little anxious."

I flushed a little. "Yes, I'm a little nervous, about, you know…"

"Changing."

"Yes."

Esme patted me on the knee. "I'm sure Carlisle will do all he can to make you comfortable. And Edward as well. He loves you so very much."

"I know it will be painful, but that's not what I'm wondering about. I'm already missing my parents a lot and, well, do you…ever miss what you left behind? Do you ever miss your husband, your parents?"

Esme looked out the window for a long while as she cast her thoughts across the decades. "It was a very sad time for me. I had just lost my baby boy. Only a few days old, he had the most delicate brown curls."

"If this is too painful for you…"

"It's alright, dear. It stopped being painful a long time ago." She gave a sad little smile. "My…husband was not a good man. He was so horrible, when I found out I was with child, I ran away. I could not let him raise a child of mine."

"Where did you go?" I gasped.

"I had family in Milwaukee, but I had to move on when my parents found out I was there."

That surprised me. "You didn't want to go home to your parents?"

"My parents wanted me to keep quiet and be a good wife. So they were not very supportive. I moved to Ashland, where my baby was born."

Esme took a deep breath. "My baby had given me the strength to leave my husband and defy my parents. When he died, there was nothing. I had no family, no friends. So I jumped off the cliff. I don't remember anything after that until I woke up in pain."

"Was it very bad?"

Esme looked at me, measuring her words. "I don't know if there's anything I could describe that you can relate to. Childbirth was painful, and I had just delivered a baby a week before Carlisle changed me but the pain of transformation was greater than that. Your experience might be different, though. You are choosing this, and I know Carlisle and Edward will do whatever they can to make it as easy as possible for you."

"Oh," I gulped. For a fleeting instant, the thought of the fire I had felt in my wrist spread all over me flashed through my mind, and I felt my face blanch.

"But I bore it, and you can too. You at least know what is waiting for you on the other side. I didn't have that goal to focus me. I remember thinking that I should be dead. That I shouldn't be feeling anything, let alone this burning pain. Was the pain my punishment for letting my baby die? I had no idea what was happening, why, or how long it would go on. Eventually, the fire faded and then I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle.

Esme smiled. "I was very surprised to see him. You see, I had met him before."

My mouth fell open. "When?"

"When I was sixteen and living in Columbus, I fell out of a tree and broke my leg. He was working at the hospital there." Esme paused with a sigh. "He was so handsome and so kind. I was just a silly girl, but I never forgot him, even though he moved away shortly after that."

A smile touched Esme's lips at that point. "I think I was very fortunate that he found me. The surprise I felt at seeing him helped distract me from the grief. When the pain was over, I was still sad, but also filled with wonder that he had found me again. And I found that the emptiness that drove me off the cliff was gone.

"Carlisle begged me to forgive him for giving me life when I had so wished to end it but he remembered me when I was happy, and said he could not bear to let me die. He told me of his own struggles with what we are, and how he had also tried to end his own life.

"Then he told me why he became a doctor for humans, why he found it so fulfilling to help ease the suffering of others. It was a higher calling, to heal those that his kind normally preyed upon. He suggested that I might find it fulfilling as well, to help one particular person who was suffering.

"That's when he brought Edward in to see me.

"Edward had been living with Carlisle for about three years, and was having second thoughts about adhering to Carlisle's way of life. Though he had yet to kill a human, he was full of self-loathing for his supposed weakness and – when he saw me – a bit embarrassed that Carlisle had brought a stranger into their home to witness his shame.

"I think it was the hurt in his eyes that touched me. Even though he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, an adult in both human and vampire terms, I could not turn away from him. Edward, as you know, is a very moral soul and has great difficulty forgiving himself for actions he thinks are wrong. I stayed with Carlisle and Edward, giving Edward what comfort and encouragement I could when he needed it. Helping him to sort out his moral compass filled the void left by my baby and eased the rest of my sadness."

"So, did you love Carlisle from the beginning?"

"Not immediately. Even though I was smitten with him as a girl, that had been a long time ago. But he soon reminded me of what I saw before – what a good and kind man he was. So sweet and full of compassion. If my first husband had been like Carlisle, I never would have come to this situation in the first place. I think I was very fortunate to find my soulmate in my second life."

There was that word again – soulmate. Something so rare and wonderful it was considered impossible to find. Yet here I had found Edward, who was without a doubt the other half of my soul, and Esme found Carlisle. Considering the other impossibilities I now viewed as reality – werewolves and vampires – was finding a soulmate so much more of a miracle?

"So it was worth it?" I asked.

"More than worth it. When I jumped off that cliff, I had already walked away from my family and an unhappy marriage. So I had less pulling me back to my human life. I've found love, and have been quite happy with my new family. In some ways it's better than a human family because eventually the human children grow up and move away. My children sometimes move away for a while, but they always return.

"You may be leaving your human family behind, but you will always have a family here. And you already know you have Edward's love."

I sat quietly for a while. Thinking of my parents threatened to send a new wave of sadness to engulf me, but I fought it back. Like the Jacob drawer I kept locked away, I knew it would always be there.

The pain of transformation loomed like a mountain in front of me. And while I was still a little nervous about the experience, it was something I needed to endure to grow a little closer to Edward.

I focused my attention on what I wanted. I was married to Edward, and wanted to be able to stay with him forever, able to stand tall next to him and not cower in a corner waiting for him to rescue me all the time. For him, I could take this step. Again, the feeling of rightness spread like the warmth of sunshine, washing out the sadness in its light, and my conviction returned.

I smiled and leaned closer to give Esme a hug. "Thank you, Esme. I feel better now. You're right, I can do this."

She patted my back. "I'm so very happy that Edward found you."

"Edward is happy he found you too," the man in question commented from the doorway. He came over to the chaise, sat down and lifted me into his lap. He started playing with my hair, and I marveled at how easily he could impair my breathing, but then he spoke with a hint of nerves in his voice. "Carlisle has everything prepared. We're ready whenever you are."

I ran my fingers through his hair and let my hand come to rest against his cold neck. "You seem a little sad," I murmured.

"A little," he agreed. "You know why." I did know why; part of him still believed that he would be destroying my soul. I had reassured him many times that having a soul was worth nothing if I didn't have him, but still he worried.

"You know I have mixed emotions about this. More than anything, I would love for you to be mine forever. I still feel I'm being selfish in taking you away from your human life, but I'm more reconciled to it."

I put my hands on his chest, took a breath and looked into his eyes, trying to control the melting feeling that I always felt. "Edward, there's no longer a sword hanging over my head, and I'm happily Mrs. Cullen. I love you, and I can think of nothing that would make me happier than to be Mrs. Cullen for the rest of eternity." I paused to kiss him. "Shall we do this?" I asked with a smile.

Edward's answering smile was warm but his eyes were still wistful. He pulled me close. "You know I've always said you were perfect as you are," he whispered in my ear.

"I know. But I choose you this way."

"Thank you, Bella." He stroked my cheek and kissed me. "Before we proceed, would you object to a surprise?"

Instantly suspicious, I pulled back. "What kind of surprise?"

"Don't worry, it doesn't involve spectators, dancing or crowds of people. It's just you and me. It might involve a dress though."

"A dress?"

"Yes. Don't you remember when I took you to the prom? You thought a vampire transformation was a black tie affair."

I flushed when I remembered how silly I had been. "And…?"

Edward's broad smile and dancing eyes laughed at me. "Well, you were right."

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><p>To be continued...<p>

If you've read the previous version of chapter 3, I hope you see how this made much more sense. If you agree or disagree, drop me a line. Love to discuss it...


	5. Chapter 4: Another Occasion

_**Disclaimer**: All characters are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer, and only appear here for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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_**Author's Note**: I've gone about this process backwards, and am having the work beta'd after I completed it and posted some of it. So things may have changed if you've already read them and I found I wrote something particularly boneheaded. I hope you'll bear with me and read it again. This chapter has been revised.  
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_Muchas gracias to my awesome beta **TwilightMomOfTwo**. Read her story "Resurrection". She really gets Bella and Edward right.  
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><p><span>Chapter 4 - Another Occasion<span>

"It's just dinner, Bella," Edward insisted. "Not a big deal."

"If it's not a big deal, why does it involve a dress?" I had held my tongue until we were back in our room before having this discussion, not wanting to make a scene in front of Esme. While I didn't really have any strong objections, I wanted to make sure it wasn't anything more than he made it out to be. If Alice was involved, things just naturally got out of hand.

"For several reasons. First, I like the way you look in a dress." He grinned impishly at me and I wrinkled my nose at him. "Second, it's an excuse to be alone with you and third," his voice softened as he gazed into my eyes. "It's our last night together with you being human. So for me, it's a bit of an occasion."

"Oh." I blinked as my heartbeat misbehaved. "That's okay then."

"Besides, you need to get some nourishment in you for later, and this is your last chance to eat real food." He gave me a wry grin. "And I suddenly feel the need to go out on the town with my new wife. You wouldn't deprive me of the opportunity, would you?"

I laughed at the mischievous look on his face and gave up. "I'll go get ready," I said, still laughing.

The prom seemed so far away, though it was just over one year ago, and then I had still been in a leg brace. At least this time I was able to manage a shower without assistance. My hip hurt when I put weight on it but at least I could stand up in the shower without falling down.

After the shower I wrapped myself in a towel and went to pick out clothes. It was a little awkward walking with crutches while trying to keep a towel wrapped around me but I managed. Before I could get to the closet, Alice emerged from it with a dress in each hand.

"What do you think, green or blue?" she asked.

I suppressed an exasperated sigh. "Alice, I'm going to be living here for a while. Are you ever going to let me dress myself?"

"Don't worry, it's only for special occasions. And since I'm being human through you, tonight is my last chance." She gave me a knowing smile. "After tonight you'll be like me, so it won't be nearly so much fun."

I looked down at my favorite sister and let the sigh I was holding escape. "Alright, Alice. But let's keep it simple, okay? It's just dinner."

Alice set the dresses down on the bed. "I can do simple."

_That'll be the day_, I thought.

She helped me into a bathrobe, then picked me up and carried me into her bathroom. To her credit, Alice kept it fairly simple – for her. She did a quick once-over on my face, no mascara, thank you. I wanted a little change of pace when Alice tackled my hair. She looked at me critically for a moment, then arranged my hair so it tumbled across one shoulder. It was still more elaborate than what I would have done – brushed it and gathered it on one side with a barrette. Alice did something so that it swooped from the front around to the back before cascading down my neck.

As she worked, I looked closer at her short, spiky hair. It was short when she had been changed, so it would never grow any longer. Maybe that was another reason she liked playing with my hair so much. I wasn't sure if Rosalie would let her.

While we were on our honeymoon, Alice had added several dresses to my wardrobe, and after she was done with make-up, I shuffled back to the bedroom. Edward was in the closet selecting a suit and tie, and I picked up the deep-blue, short-sleeve wrap dress that Alice had pulled out. The hem hung at just above the knee and it was easier to get into with the hip brace.

Holding it in front of me, I asked, "What do you think?" I was rewarded by Edward's brightening smile.

"You know what I like, don't you?" was his admiring comment.

"I'm learning," I laughed, and proceeded to get dressed.

As Edward was dressing before the full-length mirror in the closet, the house phone rang. I debated whether I should answer it, since I was still new to the household, but before I could decide, Edward walked over and answered it. His eyebrows went up in surprise and he handed the phone to me.

"It's Jacob."

The room seemed to spin around me for a second from the shock. He had been angry during the call to Sam, and this was the first time he had called me in a very long time. I wondered what he would want as I took the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bella." Jacob's husky voice filled the phone and threatened to open up the drawer I had been holding shut.

I worked to keep my voice steady. "Hi, Jacob," I replied. "How's it going?"

"S'okay. Are you going to be there for a while? I've got something to drop off."

I glanced at Edward, who frowned in thought but eventually nodded. "Sure, come on by," I told Jacob.

"Be there in a few." He hung up.

"He's dropping something off." I felt rather lame saying it, since I knew Edward had heard, but I was thoroughly puzzled.

"How many motorcycles do you have?" Edward teased, but his eyes were guarded and I wondered what he was thinking of.

"Just one and it's supposed to be sold or stay at La Push." I shook my head. "I guess we'll know soon enough. I'll go finish getting ready."

I put on the blue dress, which wasn't too low-cut and for that I was grateful. Alice held up a pair of ridiculous, strappy heels when I reached for my sneakers, so we compromised on a pair of ballet flats. After I put on a white cardigan over the dress she let me make my escape. I glanced in the mirror and shrugged – it would do.

Then I stopped and took a closer look. What would change after tonight? What was the worst that could happen? No one had said anything about the transformation making an ugly vampire, although with my kind of luck I might be the first. It was too bad there were no "before" pictures of my new family.

My brown eyes were a goner. They would be bright red until the human blood had been absorbed by my body – a dead giveaway that I wasn't normal.

My skin was already fair, but not quite as pale as Edward's. I had a few of the inevitable freckles from the Arizona sun and if Edward's family was any indication, my skin would become more pale as well as refractive. And it would become hard as granite. Holding my forearm in front of me, I pressed my thumb into the flesh, wondering how that might feel. I knew how Edward's skin felt, but thinking of mine in the same light didn't compute. However, with as many trips to the ER as I made, if there was one thing I was looking forward to, it was the durability.

The change didn't seem to touch the hair as evidenced by Rosalie's lustrous golden locks and Alice's spiky do, so that was one thing I could count on. Although I didn't fuss with it much, it was still my hair and I was used to it. And Edward preferred brunettes, I remembered with a smirk.

The sound of the doorbell pulled me out of my musings. "Just a minute!" I called, and grabbed my crutches. "Edward, can you give me a hand, please?" He was there in an instant, and cradled me in his arms before walking down the stairs.

I took a quick breath as Edward set me down before the front door. As I got my crutches under me, he opened the door wide. Jacob stood there dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, holding a medium-sized leather pouch. His expression darkened in anger when he saw the crutches.

"You son-of-a-bitch! You did that to her, didn't you?" Jacob snarled. He dropped the package with a thud and lunged through the doorway, reaching for Edward's throat.

Far faster than Jacob in his human form, Edward's hands flashed up and caught the grasping hands at the wrists.

"Jacob, you don't want to do that here. You're too close to Bella. If you phase, you'll hurt her." Edward spoke in a low voice, all the more deadly because it was so cold and controlled. While Jacob trembled on the verge of phasing, Edward effortlessly pushed him backwards out the door and onto the porch

Out of nowhere, Jasper and Emmett appeared on the porch, behind and on either side of Jacob. It was then that I noticed Emmett's Jeep was parked off to the side of the driveway with the hood propped open. Part of me registered this as odd since Rosalie usually worked on the family cars.

"Is there a problem?" Emmett grinned, but one huge hand rested on Jacob's shoulder, the other one clenched in a fist. Jasper didn't speak, but smiled grimly, and I could feel the waves of calm stealing over us.

One step behind as usual, I struggled through the door. "Jake! Stop it!" I yelled.

Still trembling and barely controlling himself, Jacob spared me a glance. "Afraid I'll hurt him?" he sneered.

"No, you jackass, I'm afraid they'll hurt you! There are seven vampires at home, and you can't take all of them! In fact, if you're going to be like this, just go home right now!" If not for Jasper, my eyes would be swimming in tears of anger.

Controlling himself with Jasper's aid, Jacob closed his eyes and opened his hands wide in submission. Edward released him but kept a watchful eye on him. The tremors slowly lessened, then stopped and Jacob opened his eyes. "Sorry, sorry. Knee-jerk reaction."

"_Jerk_ reaction is right," I grumbled at him. "It was an accident, Jake. I'll be off the crutches in a couple of weeks.

Edward quickly changed the subject, his voice unfailingly polite now that Jasper had calmed us down. "What brings you out here, Jacob?"

Emmett quietly withdrew his restraining hand when Jacob reached down and retrieved the leather pouch. "Uh, I, um, wanted to bring you guys this. It's a late wedding present. Kind of a peace offering. Last time I was here I almost ruined your reception. My brothers had to kick me out like a wedding crasher. I didn't want that to be the last thing you remember."

"Ah, Jake, you didn't have to do that," I said, flustered. It was hard to keep my defenses up when he was nice. "You just coming to the reception was my wedding present."

"Yeah, well, I wanted to give you something that I couldn't mess up. Here, open it." Jacob started to give it to me, but my hands were on my crutches, so I directed him to pass it to Edward. With a nod to his brothers, he accepted the package.

Emmett muttered "Behave yourself," as he and Jasper stepped off the porch and went back to working on Emmett's Jeep. I noticed they kept only half an eye on what they were doing, and the other half on Jacob.

The pouch was like the leather draw-string pouch that had contained the wolf-charm bracelet he'd given me for graduation, except this one was bigger. Edward stepped back to stand next to me, quickly untied the leather laces of the pouch and pulled out a wooden wall hanging of…me.

My head, face and shoulders stood out from the carved and polished redwood burl. The eyes were closed and the head turned slightly to the side and looking downward – a little too demure if you asked me. By coincidence the hair flowed across one shoulder like the way I had it arranged tonight. I had seen artwork like this around Forks but usually of bears, eagles and other wildlife, and was amazed at the likeness. The effect of the wood grain made me think of how a dryad must look like emerging from her tree. Fortunately it seemed to be unaffected by its rough handling.

"It's exquisite, Jacob," Edward observed, and held the carving next to my head. "The resemblance is uncanny."

I was impressed. "Wow, it's amazing, Jake. Did you do this?" I asked with a voice full of wonder.

Jake shrugged. "I did your bracelet charm, didn't I?

"It's really good." I looked at it from a couple different angles. "What made you do the hair that way? I don't think I've worn it like that around you before."

"I dunno," he shrugged again, but his eyes seemed to linger on my face and my hair. "It just came to me to do it like that, and I liked it."

"Well, if this werewolf thing doesn't work out you can do this for a living," I joked as I ran my fingers over the smooth finish.

"And be a starving artist?" Jacob gave a short bark of laughter. "No, thanks. It's just a hobby." Then he looked nervously at Edward. "Say, um, Edward, do you think I could have a minute to talk with Bella?"

Edward gazed expressionlessly at Jacob for a moment, who stared right back, but without aggression. Then Edward turned to me and raised a questioning eyebrow. I was willing to talk with Jacob, whom I still considered a friend, but I didn't want to do anything that was going to distress Edward anymore; I'd done enough of that already. I gave him a noncommittal shrug of one shoulder.

Edward quickly considered, then gave Jacob a nod. "Certainly. Bella, I'll go bring the car around." He kissed my cheek and stepped off the porch, leaving me a little surprised in his wake. The wall hanging was cradled gently in his long, white fingers.

I looked at Jacob rather suspiciously. "What's going on, Jake? What were you telling him?"

Jacob held my eyes for a long while, not saying anything. I felt a little uncomfortable considering the remarks he had made over the phone, and was glad that Emmett and Jasper were nearby. I glanced their way, and Emmett gave me a little wink.

"Why don't you come sit down." Jacob indicated the porch swing. "Get off those crutches."

After I hobbled over and we sat down, Jake sighed and began speaking very softly, resigned to our two chaperones. "I guess I'll get right to it. Sam was going to give them a pass, so I told…_him_…that I just came to say goodbye."

That set me back for a moment. "What do you mean goodbye? Are you going off again?"

"No, but you are."

I had to think about that briefly. "Oh. Well, no not really, I'll just be a little different."

An instant flash of anger crossed his face and he spoke a little louder. "You'll be more than just a _little_ different! You'll be one of them! Why can't you just stay human?"

"We tried. It just…didn't work out so well."

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "He _did_ do that to you, didn't he? You're lucky he didn't kill you." Then his mouth dropped open. "Wait, that means you…and he…" Jake started looking a little green around the gills.

My eyes rolled immediately. "I'm married, Jacob! I'm his _wife_! Get over it!"

"Yeah. Get over it." Once again, his face darkened before he could control it. "He's a vampire, and I'm not supposed to get creeped out about _that_?"

"And just what's that supposed to mean?" I was starting to get annoyed, as I thought we'd already gone over this. "You said you'd be good. Have you forgotten about that?"

Jacob took a few breaths and rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, I said that. Just feels worse and worse the closer we get to…you know what."

"Jacob, why can't you just be happy for me?" My voice sounded plaintive to me but I was tired of getting crap from him about this.

"Happy? Happy over a tragedy? Over a living, breathing girl becoming one of _them_?"

"If that's what your _friend_ wants, yes." I fixed a glare on him. I knew it wouldn't be easy for him to accept my marriage to Edward, and wanted to help him through this difficult time if possible, but he wasn't making it easy to be compassionate. "You know something, Jake? You need to stop doing this to yourself. You're my friend, but this isn't good for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You need to move on, just like Sam said. And you won't unless you really give yourself a chance to."

"You mean 'move on' like stop hanging around you? Find a real girlfriend? Is that it?" As I expected his voice was, once again, hard and bitter.

I had to let him go. I needed to be cruel to be kind, but the guilt at what that might do to him kept me from saying what needed to be said. "Yeah, when you're ready for it. I mean, you can't keep thinking about what might have been."

Jake's eyes locked onto mine, frightening in their intensity, his hands suddenly gripping my shoulders. "You're all I see, Bella." His voice was low and fierce.

A cough sounded like it came from Jasper, and Jacob dropped his hands. Both Emmett and Jasper were watching us intently. "Damn babysitters," he growled.

"Can you blame them, Jake?" I asked. "You weren't exactly reasonable on the phone."

"Just being honest, Bella," he husked, then lowered his voice to a bare whisper. "Like I said, I'll keep fighting for you until your heart stops beating." He reached out and placed two fingers over the pulse in my wrist. "Well, honey, as far as I can tell, it's still going."

I shook my head at his stubbornness. At this rate, it didn't look like he'd accept my choice until after I was turned and it was too late. "Think about what that means. I'm _married_ now, Jacob. I want this. I want _Edward_. To keep my heart beating, you'd have to kidnap me or something. Sam won't agree to fight off the Cullens so you can keep me human, so where does that leave us?"

"Maybe it'd be worth it," Jacob mumbled.

I sighed, long and loud. "_No_, Jacob. I'm done with this, and you need to be too. I want to be your friend, but I'm not doing that anymore." My mind blanked on what else I could say to convince him to stop holding on to me. We subsided into an uncomfortable silence as the topic reached a dead end. Inwardly, I cringed as I watched my comments settle in and sadness worked through his expressions. Outwardly, I managed to hold myself still, not moving to comfort him, keeping my face calm.

Jacob cleared his throat before speaking, and changed the subject. "I heard you dropped by Charlie's to get your stuff. He was kinda down about you moving away."

I swallowed and dropped my gaze to my hands. "Yeah, I know," I said quietly. "Kinda silly to live with my Dad after getting married though, don't you think?"

Jacob's voice became gentler. "I s'pose. So how you doing? You okay with leaving it all behind? Your family? Your friends?"

"I'm not thrilled about it, no. I already miss Charlie and Renee. And I'll miss Angela and Ben." I made a face. "In some ways, even Mike wasn't so bad after a while."

"Then don't do it. Stay human." As he said it, the hunger in his eyes seemed to reach out of his face towards me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Did Billy talk to you before you came over here?"

"No more than usual."

I kept my voice calm so it wouldn't antagonize him. "I've made up my mind, Jake. It's what I need to do."

"So are you saying goodbye to me too?" he asked quietly.

The question surprised me. "I should, but I don't want to. You're one of the few people outside of the family that I can share this secret with, but I don't want to make things any harder on you. If I can't make you happy, I'd at least like you to get better."

He snorted. "You're going to have enough to deal with. I'll worry about what makes me happy."

Another awkward silence fell over us. Once we used to be so natural and comfortable with each other. Now we could barely get together without getting into a difficult conversation. It reminded me of Mike and Jessica in their post-breakup stage. Jacob's gaze switched from me, to his Rabbit parked in the Cullen's drive way, to Emmett and Jasper working on the Jeep, and back to me. One hand stole up to grasp my shoulder.

The noise of a revving engine intruded and broke the tension. Jake gave a start and dropped his hand again as the silver Volvo rolled up the drive. Edward stopped the car next to Jacob's, turned it off and opened the door. I couldn't help admiring how he looked in his suit and tie, his pale skin a stunning contrast with the dark, navy-blue wool.

Why Jake seemed to look guilty I couldn't understand. It wasn't like we were doing anything to be embarrassed about. "Are you ready to go?" I called, and felt relieved Edward was there to rescue me from this awkward conversation.

"When you're ready, love," he replied quietly, his expression neutral as he gazed at Jacob.

"Um, right," Jacob said, gruffly. "Anyway, I just came to drop that off. You've got plans for the evening, so I'll see you guys later." He abruptly got up and headed for his car.

"Thanks, Jake, this is perfect," I called, puzzled by his sudden exit. He opened the car door and stopped. I felt a twinge of guilt when I saw the anguish in his eyes. "Bye, Bells," he muttered, then got in.

Edward helped me up, then we stood and watched Jacob drive away. "How bad is he?" I asked. Edward slowly shook his head from side to side. I closed my eyes and sighed. The only thing I could do that might help would be to stay away from him; give him enough time to heal. Maybe one day we might be able to talk normally again. One day.

But for now I had today to think of. I put a cheerful smile on my face. "Okay, let's get going."

Edward nodded. "You'll need your coat." He held the carving so I could walk with the crutches into the house. "Are you alright?" he asked me.

"Yes and no," I replied. "I think it's going to be awkward with Jake for a long time."

"You're more right than you know," he said, quietly.

"You were listening," I accused.

"Sorry, love. His original intention was to tell you goodbye. I wanted to give you some privacy, but then he started thinking about grabbing you and making a break for it. I thought it might be a good time to say hello." Edward's tone was ironic, but his expression was very dark.

I stopped and stared at him with my mouth open. "You're not serious."

Edward looked me straight in the eyes. "Deadly serious. I'd wondered why he suddenly decided to come over, especially after that phone call. I don't know if he really meant to follow through, but I didn't want to take the chance. Why do you think I asked Jasper and Emmett to keep you company?"

"Argh, Jacob!" I cried in exasperation. If I wasn't walking with crutches I would have thrown my hands in the air. "He's becoming such a drama queen!"

"Can you blame him?" Edward asked. "If the situation were reversed, I might be thinking the same thing."

"Oh, don't _you_ be so understanding." I responded with some heat, irritated at how little Jacob respected my wishes. "I'm a married woman now. It is _**so**_ none of his business!"

"I can be understanding." Edward put the carving on a shelf in the coat closet, took out my coat and helped me into it. "But that doesn't mean I'd let him get away with it."

= 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 =

As it turned out, Edward was feeling nostalgic tonight. He took me to the same Italian restaurant in Port Angeles where he had taken me the first night we started really talking to each other. The site of our "first date" before we even knew we were dating. He bribed the hostess for the same table. Even the same waitress as before was still working there. I was having a huge case of _deja vu_.

After the waitress took my order – I almost ordered the mushroom ravioli for old times' sake, but got the linguine with clams instead – Edward smiled, laughing to himself.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"The waitress. She obviously remembers us from last year. She saw your ring and is lamenting the fact that we're married to the hostess."

"She should have made her move when she had the chance," I said smugly.

The first time we were here, Edward sat across from me and made every effort not to touch me. Tonight Edward sat next to me, held my hand and touched me frequently, stroking my back or my hair, touching my cheek. It seemed as if he couldn't take his eyes away from my face tonight, and reminded me of how I was at Renee's, savoring my last moments with her.

Thinking about this, I dug my camera out of my purse and waved the waitress over. "Can you take a picture of us, please?" I asked. The waitress took the camera from me and, when Edward and I leaned closer, snapped the picture. "We don't have many pictures together," I explained to Edward's quizzical look.

His expression still had a hint of the regret I saw after we had talked to Esme. I wished there was some way I could give him some peace from his regrets.

I covered his hand with mine. "You're worrying about my soul again, aren't you?"

"A little," he admitted. "Alright, more than a little. The closer we get the more I think 'how can I do this to you?' How could I do something that will damn you forever?"

I felt a twinge of guilt at the anguish he was feeling for my sake. I wanted this so very much but knew part of him hated himself for allowing it. "I'm sorry to put you through this, Edward," I said quietly.

"Don't be sorry, love," he responded with a weak smile. "This is something we both want. I just wish..." he bowed his head and trailed off.

I placed my hand on the side of his head and stroked his hair softly, for what little comfort it would be. Then I remembered the talk Carlisle and I had about souls and the afterlife the night of my awful eighteenth birthday party. "Have you ever talked with Carlisle about it?"

He nodded at this. "The afterlife is one of the things he and I talk about from time to time. We still haven't come to any agreement on the subject."

I didn't have 90 years of debate experience to fall back on, but I thought I might give it a try. "You know, Edward, that question has bothered philosophers and scholars since the beginning of time. Is there an afterlife? And you think in your measly 90 years you've figured it out?" I teased.

"No, of course not," he smiled at my tone.

"Where did you hear that vampires are automatically damned to hell?" I asked him. "I know Carlisle never told you that."

Edward opened his mouth as if to speak, then frowned. "I honestly don't know," he answered slowly. "It's just something we assumed."

I smiled. "That's good. At least that means there's no vampire clergy making up rules as they go. So what makes you think becoming a vampire destroys your soul?"

Edward pursed his lips and rubbed his chin with one hand. "Mmm, maybe 'destroy' was not the right word. I think 'leads you down the road to sin' would be more accurate, with 'sin' equating to breaking the rules."

"Okay, why do you think a vampire is more likely to sin than a human?" I asked.

"It's obvious, isn't it? The natural prey of vampires are humans. Among all the systems of belief, _thou shalt not kill_ is a pretty important law. And this is what we're intended to do – we kill humans and drink their blood. That makes us natural sinners, and I have killed many people."

I hadn't spent much time studying religion, so wasn't sure if I had enough of an understanding to argue this point with him. But I figured that neither had he been inside a church of any kind in the past 90 years. I'd better start small. "So, does that make a mountain lion a sinner according to the deer it eats?"

Edward's brow furrowed with his confusion.

"You told me once that you were the world's best predator. Strong and fast and attractive to your prey." I didn't mention beautiful since that would just distract me. "You're only following instinct, to kill and eat your natural prey. A mountain lion is a predator too, but that doesn't make it a sinner."

"Perhaps, but we don't have to do that," Edward argued. "We can choose not to live that way. If we have to fight our true nature so hard to do the right thing, that must mean we're inherently evil."

"No, that just means you have a conscience," I disagreed. "Look at it this way, you made the conscious decision not to kill humans for the last 80 years. Doesn't that make you good, rather than evil?"

"I wouldn't say good. More like reformed," Edward said with a shake of his head. "Even so, we still go against the laws of nature. What natural creature is immortal? Everything in nature is born, lives for a span, then dies making way for the next generation. How can an unnatural creature like us be good and not evil?"

I frowned with the effort of keeping my argument together. "You see, that's where I disagree with you. You're assuming that as soon as a creature is born or created, it's already been decided that it's going to heaven or hell. Natural or unnatural, I don't think it matters. It's the decisions a creature makes during its life – okay, its existence – that matter."

We paused as the waitress brought my food. Again, she asked Edward if she could bring him something. He smiled and declined. I twirled the linguine around my fork and took a bite. It was very good.

Another point came to me, and I swallowed and continued. "I haven't read too much of the Bible, but isn't God all about forgiving your sins if you renounce your evil ways? What have you been doing for the last 80 years but renouncing those ways and trying to live a good life? The fact that I'm still alive shows how good you are."

"I think it just shows how much I love you," he said with my favorite smile.

"I'll grant you that." I swatted his shoulder. "And stop trying to distract me, that's cheating." I smiled to soften my words. "But even before you loved me, you were trying hard to keep me alive, weren't you?"

He was quiet as he thought back. "Yes. It was close at times, but...yes."

"You see? You're a good man," I insisted. "You take responsibility for your actions, but you don't accept forgiveness easily. And forgiveness is supposed to be available to everybody. Even sinners, even vampires."

Edward choked on a laugh. "I think you'd get a little objection on that last part."

"No, seriously. What's the point in offering redemption if it's only available to _some_ people? I don't see any difference between a human soul and a vampire soul." I might be a little biased on that point, because Edward had the most beautiful soul I knew, human or otherwise. "Tell me something. All vampires start out human, right?"

"Yes."

"Then whatever the venom does, it's just a physical change. And if it's a physical change, how can that affect the soul? Or can you tell me that the venom can burn away somebody's soul?"

"I don't think there's any way to put that to the test," Edward commented.

"Okay, I'm going to assume it's a physical change then. Assuming the human had a soul before the change, that means a newborn would still have a soul."

Edward sat quietly again, his golden eyes gazing into mine as he thought. "So what are you telling me?"

I took his face in my hands and spoke from my heart. "I'm telling you I believe you have a soul. And because you have lived a good life, and renounced bad ways, you do have a chance to go to the afterlife.

"I think you're scared because you're not sure if there is an afterlife or souls. But that's no different from how humans view it. Nobody has ever proven beyond a doubt that heaven exists for humans, let alone vampires. That's why it's called faith."

Edward's frown relaxed a little, but he was still thoughtful and I hoped I was getting through to him. I knew he would keep his promise to change me, but I would feel better if he could do it with a clear conscience. He wallowed in guilt all too easily.

"Hmm…" he started.

"Yes?"

"I never thought of it that way. In 90 years I never did." He flashed a smile at me. "Your mind still works in ways that surprise me."

"So do you feel better about this?"

"I'll think about it," he said, but I could tell he was teasing. "You do know that there are more systems of belief than just Judeo-Christian, right?"

"Ugh, you're impossible. Well, if Carlisle couldn't convince you in 90 years, I don't see how I was going to do any better. I was just hoping I could make you feel better about it."

Edward's brow still furrowed with his thoughts, but he no longer looked regretful. Just thoughtful. "I do feel a little better, love. It will take a more than one conversation to overcome 90 years of thinking." He leaned in to kiss me. "But at least we'll have that time now."

I kissed him back and smiled. "That sounds good to me."

A thoughtful Edward was better than a morose or self-loathing Edward. My intention wasn't to convert him to Christianity, or any other religion for that matter, just to make him feel a little better about himself and what we about to do. If I had succeeded with that in any way, I was happy.

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><p>To be continued...<p>

**A/N**: Thanks for reading. I hope this revised version fits with canon better. Let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 5: Changes

_**Disclaimer**: All characters are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer, and only appear here for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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_**Thus far**: Bella and Edward have returned to Forks and she's officially moved in to the Cullen residence. After re-negotiating the treaty with the Pack, Edward is ready to give her immortality. Time for one last night on the town.  
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_To my awesome beta **TwilightMomOfTwo**, who keeps me away from the Cliffs of Insanity, a thousand thank yous. If you haven't done so yet, read her story "Resurrection". You won't be sorry.  
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><p><span>Chapter 5 – Changes<span>

As I picked up my fork and began eating again I felt a certain amount of satisfaction. It felt good that Edward was thinking optimistically, even in a small way. Pessimism came much too easily to him, and now it seemed he was thinking about the future.

"Bella, love, after your newborn period, what would you like to do?" There was a slight twinkle in his eye, a hint of mirth at the corners of his mouth.

"I thought we were going to school," I replied. "You may know everything but I've got a lot of catching up to do."

He dismissed that with a wave of his hand. "Believe me, you'll be fine. I think you're more intelligent than I was at the same age. The rest is just a matter of having a lot of time." He reached over and took my hand again. "Actually, I was thinking about school breaks. Have you ever felt like traveling?"

"Well, I have been to Italy." I was rewarded with a roll of his eyes. "We didn't have much money for traveling," I explained. "Mostly it was family vacations and never outside the country. Other than that, the only traveling I've done has been in books. Why do you ask?"

An excited smile spread across his face. "How would you like to see some of the places from your books?"

"You mean like Prince Edward Island from _Anne of Green Gables_? Or Verona from _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"Hmm, Verona is a little too close to Volterra for my comfort at the moment, but you get the idea. I promised you a second honeymoon and this would be one way to do it. I'd love to take you to Paris."

I thought about it for a moment, and the idea appealed to me. Honestly, just about anything that involved Edward appealed to me. The idea of visiting Heathcliff and Cathy's moors – hand in hand with Edward and impervious to the cold and rain – sounded like fun. "That sounds like a great idea." I was gratified by his winning smile. "But then, you know I'd go live in an igloo as long as I was with you."

"I promise, no igloos. Although I've heard the Kirkenes Snow Hotel in Norway is quite spectacular."

"Brrrrr," I faked a shiver. "That will definitely have to wait until later."

Edward laughed, and raised the back of my hand to his lips.

After a while I was finished, and I was glad we had taken the time to go out. Edward and I hadn't gone out to dinner very often when we were dating because of the inequity of our situations. I was still a little uncomfortable with the idea of having that much money, but now that we were married, how he spent it didn't seem to matter so much. In fact, time spent alone with him was far more precious to me, and well worth the cost.

"Are you ready to go?" Edward asked as I put down my fork.

I took another swallow of Coke and said, "Yes, I am." He signaled the waitress for the check.

As the waitress brought the check, she addressed the two of us. "I think I remember you visiting us last year. Did you get married recently?"

Only in a small city like Port Angeles would a waitress be forward enough to inquire into the affairs of complete strangers. I would have told her to mind her own business but Edward had better manners than I.

"Yes," he answered with a smile. "Just about two weeks ago."

"Well, congratulations!" she gushed. "I hope you'll come visit us again soon!"

Catching Edward's eye, I hid a snigger behind my napkin as I pretended to wipe my mouth. I'm sure in my impending condition, that would make for a very interesting visit. Edward just smiled, paid for the bill and thanked her.

= 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 = 0 =

The nerves didn't start until Edward started driving. The drive home seemed to stretch out longer than normal, even though without looking at the speedometer I knew he was going faster than I would approve. The dark trees hurtled by with dizzying speed, and the markings on the pavement blurred into solid lines.

But the anxiety didn't come from Edward's driving. The closer and closer we got to home the more the butterfly population in my stomach increased. My palms started to perspire and I could feel my breathing start to get fast and shallow.

It was so stupid. This is what I had been anticipating for over a year. This is what I'd begged Edward and his family for. Three days and I would be with my soulmate for the rest of eternity. This was nothing compared to eternity.

But it was everything – bigger than graduation, bigger than our wedding. This was the biggest event of my life, because it was the last event of my human life. I would finally be entering their world where before I was only a visitor, and there were no return tickets.

"Bella, love, what are you thinking? You're driving me crazy over here."

"Huh? What?" Edward's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked over to see his worried eyes on my face. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Just nervous, Edward. It's a big step."

He gave a wry smile. "There's an understatement," he chuckled. "Well, it's understandable. I think you're the only one of us to go into this as part of a conscious, calm decision."

"Calm!" I scoffed, and held up my quivering hands.

"Deliberate, anyway. The rest of us were fairly incapacitated when Carlisle changed us." His expression grew concerned again and he reached over to pull me against his shoulder. "Bella, if it's too much—"

"It's alright, Edward," I insisted. "If I really need it, Jasper can help. You didn't see me at our honeymoon, did you? Before I came outside?"

"No, I didn't," he admitted. "Were you nervous?"

"Are you kidding? I was freaking out so much, I must have shaved my legs and everything else twice trying to put off going out there."

"Really?"

"Weren't you nervous at all?"

He smiled his lopsided smile at me. "Absolutely. That was my first time too. Just because I know all about the clinical side of it didn't mean I was emotionally prepared when it was my turn. Do you know why I walked into the water before you got there?"

I shook my head. "I thought you were trying to warm yourself up for me."

"That was part of it." He ducked his head a little. "I also didn't want you to see my knees trembling!"

I burst out laughing and Edward laughed with me, ruefully. "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but I'm glad I wasn't the only one."

"No, you weren't," Edward agreed, still smiling. "And somehow you found the courage to come out to me."

"Of course," I said, thinking out loud. "It was what I'd been asking for all along. So there was no way I was going to chicken out. It feels a lot like that tonight."

Edward nodded his understanding.

It was bittersweet, this ending. Bitter because it marked the close of the life I knew. Sweet because it marked the opening of the life that I wanted. Most people my age were still waiting, in a sense, to begin their life. College came with more responsibilities, but was still a kind of incubator. With this act, I would open the door and walk through to my forever with Edward.

Unbidden, thoughts of my parents rose in my head, threatening to erode my resolve. But I was too close to my goal. I found it easier to put them aside for later. After all the begging and pleading for Edward to change me, I wasn't going to let some last minute nerves side-track me. I sat back and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to focus myself.

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When we got home, the house was quiet and only a few soft lights were on, giving a cozy feeling to the normally wide open spaces.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

"They're home," Edward spoke, quietly. "They're giving us a little privacy."

"That was nice of them." I could imagine Alice would be beside herself with impatience for me to be changed. "Are we going up to Carlisle's office or your room?"

"Our room," he corrected me with a gentle smile. The feeling of warmth and welcome wrapped around me like a blanket, and I just had to stop and kiss him, using the crutches to push up and reach his lips.

Edward offered to carry me upstairs but I insisted on going up under my own power. It was about the last thing I would do as a human and I felt like drawing out every final, laborious step. It also gave me something to do to keep the nerves from coming back. Edward was very patient with me, and helped me out of my coat before I hiked up the stairs to our room.

When we finally reached the door, Edward pushed it open but didn't turn on the lights. In the center of the room, our bed lay bathed in the soft, golden glow from dozens of votive candles and white, rose petals strewn around the room filled the air with their perfume. It looked like an altar – an altar to the love Edward held for me. My breath caught in my throat as I turned to him.

"Alice?" I whispered.

"She helped." He smiled in appreciation of my reaction, his eyes dark amber from the reflected candlelight. "But it was my idea."

The crutches clattered to the floor as I reached up and wound my arms around his neck. "Edward—" I breathed. I kissed him, long and gentle and sweet. He picked me up without breaking the kiss and carried me over to the bed. As he set me on top of the bedspread, I managed to kick off my shoes without missing a single one of his luscious, heart-pounding kisses.

He lay down next to me and our arms twined around each other as every line of his body melded to every curve of mine. My heart rate launched into overdrive and I broke the kiss long enough to breathe as he kissed my cheeks and my eyes. Then my lips found his again and I teased his lips with the tip of my tongue. His lips parted and I felt the shy touch of his tongue on my lips, tasted the venom he left there. I shivered and buried the fingers of one hand into his hair, the other around his back pulling me closer to him. A soft moan came from him unexpectedly, igniting an answering flash of heat deep within me. As the desire for him mounted, I felt dismay too, because that usually meant he would pull away soon.

As I expected, his kisses began to slow, his caressing hands stopped their sensuous slide over me. I murmured in protest as he began to pull away, and a low chuckle rippled up from his chest. He dropped his kisses to my throat and down to my collarbone before he sat back a little, and I lay there panting.

"Yes, love, I feel the same way," he said, also breathing quickly. "But I thought you wanted to get started."

"I was already started," I sulked as I got my breath back. "You're right, though. We'll never be able to finish that thought until afterwards."

"Mm-hm," he agreed. "Did you want to change into something more comfortable?"

I smiled and gave him my best smoldering look. "This is hardly the time, Mr. Cullen."

Edward laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I meant would you be more comfortable in sweats or your pajamas?"

"I'm fine like this," I murmured. "Besides, a transformation is a black tie affair, remember?"

"Indeed it is." Edward's rich chuckle rolled out of his chest.

He got up from the bed, took off his suit coat and loosened his tie. Now that I had a chance to look at my surroundings I noticed the addition of equipment that belonged in a hospital. An IV stand and a machine used to dispense medication into the IV system stood nearby, like the ones at the hospital in Phoenix. Edward moved over to a standing tray that had some syringes, tape and other items on it.

While Edward prepared things, I sat up and arranged the cushions so I could recline slightly. Removing the hair clip, I shook out my hair and ran my fingers through to settle it a little, then looked around the room at Edward's belongings. The candles had been placed on each shelf in front of the rows of CDs, some on the couch and some on Edward's desk. One illuminated the shelf that held Edward's pictures and keepsakes. All the breakable items in the room prompted me.

"Edward, newborns are supposed to be strong and out of control, right?" I asked.

His expression was guarded as he answered me. "As Jasper said, it depends on the individual. Some are more wild than others."

"If that's the case, then maybe you might want to put some of your things away. I wouldn't want to break anything that's important to you."

Edward's brow cleared when he realized what I was asking about. "I hadn't thought about that," he admitted. "Most of it can be replaced, but I see your point."

"Speaking of which..." Sitting up, I undid the clasp of my necklace. "Take care of my heart." I gave a little smile as I handed it to him.

"Always," Edward spoke softly, and leaned closer to kiss me. The look on his face made my breath catch in my throat and brought a little moisture to my eyes.

Edward placed the necklace on the tray, then turned back to the bed and picked up my arm. He swabbed something with a sharp odor on my skin, and gradually the area went numb. He gave a fold of skin a little twist. "Can you feel that?" he asked.

"Not so much." In fact, I could barely feel the touch of his fingers in that area, only a vague sensation.

"Good." He then carefully grasped the neckline of my dress and swabbed the side of my neck as well. The swab was cold and I gave a little grimace.

"Sorry, too cold?" he murmured.

"I'm okay," I shrugged.

Edward gave a small chuckle, then took a length of surgical tubing and wrapped it snugly enough to impede the circulation in my forearm. Then he palmed something from the tray. "You may feel a little pinch," he cautioned me.

I looked away, focused on our wedding picture, and took some deep breaths. There was a slight pinch, but not as bad as the anticipation had built it up to be. I felt him quickly fussing with something else and heard the tearing of tape. By the time I looked back, the IV tube was securely attached and taped down, and no needles were in sight. The side of my neck was beginning to feel heavy and sodden as the numbing agent took effect. I couldn't help touching it, and it was strange not being able to feel my fingertips on my skin.

"You're very good," I complimented him.

"Thank you," he smiled as he checked the flow of saline solution.

"Why don't you go into practice with Carlisle? My mom would be thrilled if she knew I married a doctor." I couldn't help teasing him.

Edward glanced at me as he worked, the corners of his mouth twitching with suppressed mirth. "That would be fabulous, Bella." He pitched his voice like an announcer over a public address system. "Paging Dr. Cullen. Paging Dr. Cullen. Your patient is ready in the O.R. Please try not to eat the paying customers. That would make two this week."

I giggled, thankful he was able to distract me so the earlier nerves did not return, then he slid a remote control under my pillow, and came around to the other side so as not to disturb the IV tube attached to my arm. He lay down on the bed and slid next to me.

"I've begun the morphine drip. You may feel a little odd soon. Are you comfortable, love?" he asked.

A little of the nerves returned and I swallowed. "Mm-hmm."

Some of the sad wistfulness returned to his eyes. "No more fears? No more regrets?" he wondered.

"Just one. But I'm afraid you'll think I'm being silly." I felt a flush starting on the back of my neck as I wondered about it.

"Ask me," his smile was gentle.

"Has the change ever made…an ugly vampire?" I hid my face in the pillow.

Edward gave a low laugh. "Not the ones I've seen. I've watched Esme, Rosalie and Emmett change. Would you call them ugly?"

I raised my head and shook it.

"Some change more than others. Now, Rosalie got the best out of that bargain. She was considered to be good-looking to begin with, but after…" he trailed off but I understood. I figured as long as I ended up no worse than I was now, I would be happy.

"Besides," Edward went on as he gently caressed my cheek. "You'll always be the most beautiful girl in my world."

I shivered at his touch. "How about you? Any regrets?"

He pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Right now, just one. A worry, actually," he admitted.

I raised an eyebrow and waited.

"I _really_ hope you're right about the afterlife." The words came softly, his eyebrows drawn down slightly.

"Ssh." I kissed him. "I'm sure of it. Besides, as long as you're with me, that's all the heaven I need. "

Edward's face filled my eyes and my thoughts and in this moment, everything was clear and I was eager to walk forward so I could meet him on equal terms. Gazing at him seemed to make me light-headed, or that could have been the morphine. I took his face in my hands to focus myself.

"Edward, for once I have no more fears. I feel as if my whole life I've been waiting for you. I didn't really fit in anywhere else; like I was a little off before I met you. Like I was missing something. Now, I feel like I'm whole, like I belong. I love you, Edward, and I want to love you forever."

"Thank you, love," he said with a smile. "I, too, was missing something in my life. I liken my existence to the Arctic winter, when the sun never shines, and the creatures move through their lives in everlasting night. Then you came and gave me sunshine and joy and laughter. You rescued me from my never ending night. I never want to go back to that existence. I want to stay in the light with you. Forever."

Edward's lips crushed mine with sweet insistence, one hand gently cupping my face and the other around my back pulling me closer. His lips moved slowly and lovingly against mine – silk on stone, fire on ice – as he kissed me with as much abandon as he ever allowed himself. I reached a hand around his neck, and kissed him for all I was worth, long, hungry kisses that made me ache for him all over again.

Suddenly he seemed to blur; there was a click and a buzz as the infusion machinery started. He kissed his way down to my throat and I felt him open the front of my dress slightly. Then, with a sigh, he lowered his head and bit the numbed area on my neck gently. I gasped a little at the sudden sensation. A quick rush of emotions washed through me at once – relief that, after all this time, he had at long last given me what I had asked for. Joy that he loved me enough to do this for me, over his own reservations. Excitement for what the future might hold. At last, with his bite, with his venom in me, I truly belonged to him, and would for all eternity.

Edward held his mouth to my neck for a while, breathing very quickly, then with a shudder that shook his whole body, pulled his mouth away.

"Thank you, Edward, I love you," I managed to say, a little tear starting in my eyes.

His kisses worked their way back up my throat until he claimed my lips again.

"I love you, my Bella," he whispered against my lips. "I'll be waiting for you on the other side. Sleep well, love."

Sooner than I thought it would, the edges of my vision began to blur and I felt my eyes start to droop. It seemed like the sound of the ocean was roaring in my ears, but I ignored it, trying to savor the sensation. Trying to speak, my tongue wouldn't respond and I struggled to bring Edward's angel face into focus. Then, like a curtain falling on the final act, my eyes closed and I slipped down into darkness.

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><p>To be continued...<p>

Ahh, the magical bite has arrived. Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.


	7. Chapter 6: Waiting

_A/N: My thanks for staying with this story, for favoriting and reviewing._

_My undying thanks to _Katmom_, for opening a can of beta whoop-ass on this chapter. It's been a long time coming._

_Disclaimer: All rights and characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. We're just along for the ride. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p>Chapter 6 – Waiting<p>

Bella lay reclined on the pillows, her warm hands holding my face, her beautiful brown eyes looking into mine. We belonged to each other as husband and wife, and she wanted me forever. The feelings that flooded through me were indescribable. Once again, she had transformed me; instead of a being of stone, I was a being of light and radiance. With a sigh, I lowered my lips to hers.

Bella would want her last human memory to be that of me biting her; to know that I wanted her enough to change her myself. From the moment I first met her, I fought this very act, and out of reflex, giving in felt slightly wrong. I wished I had taken the time to mentally prepare myself tonight, because it would have been safer to just inject the venom into the IV port. Most of the evening I had spent ruminating about what I was about to do to Bella's soul; I had been too distracted by that activity to consider the risk to her body.

She curled a hand around the back of my neck and her silken lips slid over mine. The scent of her filled my nostrils and I tensed my arms to fight the urge to crush her to me as desire arced through my body. After our honeymoon, my body had become even more tuned to hers, and it thrummed in harmony like an instrument under her hands. I had to do it now, before the urge to possess her overwhelmed me. Without breaking the kiss, I reached for the remote control as quickly as I could, taking barely a millisecond to activate the flow of the general anesthetic. Kissing my way past her cheek and down to her collarbone, her dress was in the way, so I pushed it aside. As gently as I could, I bit the side of her neck, being careful to avoid the jugular vein and the carotid artery.

Dear God! The taste of her blood exploded in my senses, one hundred times greater than the first day I had scented her, as if not just my mouth, but my entire body tasted the flavors and nuances in her blood. Strawberries, freesia, honeysuckle and jasmine were among the various essences my fevered mind tried to categorize, but all the sensations swirled away in a maelstrom of raw hunger. It was not this sweet when I had stopped James' poison from changing her. The monster that had lain dormant in me woke up and roared. I had denied it for so long, and her blood was ambrosia; its bouquet completely bowled me over. The demon begged me to drink – just one swallow. If I stopped now, it would be gone forever, lost in the change. But if I took one swallow, I couldn't stop. Before, her blood had been tainted with morphine and James' venom. Now, there was still morphine but it was cleaner, tasting more of sweet Bella, and it called to me, lovely and seductive. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to muster the strength to let go, but I couldn't – I didn't want to. With the hint of her blood whispering over my palate, I hovered on the verge of drawing on the wound. The taste was just heavenly.

Bella gasped and the sound distracted me from the demands of the monster. An image of her body in my arms came to me – drained, lifeless, an empty husk devoid of her spark, eyes blank and cold, never again to shimmer with her love for me. Immediately that image flashed to black as a void filled my unseeing eyes. The void of my existence without her if I killed her. I saw myself floating above the universe, suspended at the edge of blackness, no stars, no suns, nothing but the empty drifting and searing pain. A hole exploded in my chest and I shuddered, a violent effort that rippled through my whole frame and helped me to pull my mouth away. Slowly I could feel my reason return, and I gradually regained control of myself. I moved above her, panting slightly – I had come too close to the edge.

"Thank you, Edward, I love you," Bella whispered. Fortunately, if she noticed my struggle, she didn't say anything and I wasn't about to tell her how close I had come to fulfilling the fate destiny had given her when she first crossed my path in biology class.

The bite was still open, so I licked the edges, letting the venom seal the wound. The taste sent another shiver through me, but this time I was able to keep control of myself. I swallowed the trace of her blood that lingered in my mouth and licked my lips – taking care not to leave any that she could smell – then kissed her briefly. "I love you, my Bella," I answered. "I'll be waiting for you on the other side. Sleep well, love."

I sought Bella's lips again, loath to miss a single moment. Perhaps I had become something of a masochist, and the pleasure of kissing her wasn't complete without the pain of bloodlust burning my throat. All too soon, her lips stopped entertaining mine and her eyelids fluttered shut. I kissed her one final time, hoping she was still aware enough to feel it, then sat back and stroked her hair. After a while I gave the inside of her arm a little pinch, to see if she was under. She didn't move.

I had many things to attend to, but for the moment, I savored the serene tableau one last time and put off administering the rest of the venom. Like so many nights before, I lay next to her, listening to her soft breathing, her gently beating heart, and watching the slow rise and fall of her chest. Some humans enjoyed the soothing sounds of the forest at night, with crickets chirping. Others liked the low roar of the rushing surf. Although not human, for me the most peaceful, soothing background was the sounds of my sleeping wife – heartbeat keeping steady time, breathing soft and airy as her chest rose and fell. This particular music had accompanied my nights for so long, the thought that it would soon be different touched me with melancholy. I had always thought Bella was perfect as she was. Only in her own mind was she lacking in any way.

Wife. That word floated through my mind and distracted me for a moment. I, who had never thought to find my match, never thought I needed one, was married. And married to this slender girl who held my heart between her two little hands. To see her quiet smile and laughing eyes and know that she was happy…that was my nirvana. I drew a gentle finger across the delicate skin of her cheek, closing my eyes as the familiar electric tingle sent a shiver across my shoulders.

That sensation drew a sigh from me. I loved the warmth and softness of her skin, and it would take some time to adjust to the changes that were coming. With her mind closed to me, Bella's physical reactions helped me to ascertain her thoughts and feelings – her easy blushes would tell me of her anger or embarrassment and her heartbeat would flutter like a hummingbird's when she was agitated. Sometimes, when we had a tender moment, her heart would literally skip a beat. Bella's eyes had also been a favorite of mine; those deep pools of melted chocolate had been my primary window to her mind. Without these cues, and without access to her thoughts, I would be rendered as insensitive a clod as Mike Newton. I only hoped that she would remain as artless and open in her facial expressions as before.

And of course, how could I forget the scent of her blood? The part of her that had so devastatingly drawn me to her in the first place – albeit for a more deadly reason. I wondered, if her blood had never sung for me, would I have been as hopelessly attracted to her? Most likely not. Other human females blended together into a faceless crowd to me. They held no more interest for me than a flock of sheep held for a sheepdog. Most definitely her scent had bound me to her.

However, it had been her mental silence that had first intrigued me, and made her stand out from the crowd. What workings of her brain rendered her a mental mute to me? I could only hope the transformation might change that and let me finally hear her voice.

Yet, perhaps I didn't want that after all. Even perfectly compatible lovers needed privacy from time to time. And though I tried to respect my family, I couldn't turn the mind-reading off. Knowing Bella as I did now, it would be better if this aspect of her did not change. She was a very reserved person and as gratifying as it would be to finally hear her thoughts, she would be uncomfortable if her thoughts were not her own. So if that remained, I could accept it.

One coming change was not a physical one – like me, Bella would no longer sleep. There would be no more opportunity to listen to the sounds of her slumber, or her unguarded thoughts when she talked in her sleep. I definitely would miss those. If she had never spoken my name the first night I had visited her, I may never have known her feelings lay in that direction. At that point in time, I had not yet intruded and still could have gathered the strength needed to leave her to a normal, human life. The moment she spoke my name from whatever dreamscape she was in, my strength vanished and my reason faded.

Other qualities of Bella's the transformation should not touch, but apprehension made me unsure. I treasured the sound of her voice, whether low and husky when we were together, or sharp and strident when I had angered her. The way her laugh rolled out of her chest like a burbling stream and tickled my ears, I would not like to lose. Her characteristics of being so good and caring, shy and yet brave at the same time were things that were buried in her psyche and should not be touched by the change. Yet I worried. All of these qualities big and small fit together to make the jewel that was my Bella. Like old friends, I had grown fond of them all and was a little saddened that some of them would be going away.

Some changes I welcomed. The mere scent of her still triggered the instinct to kill. I had long since conditioned myself to control the impulses, but that did not prevent the involuntary reactions like the venom flowing in my mouth and the thirst burning in my throat. Tonight had been a close call. Over our many months together, I had conditioned myself to the scent of her blood. When we fought the newborns I was able to bind a cut on her hand without succumbing to its lure, but there was no way that I could condition myself to the taste of it. To be able to be together without having to fight the killing response would be a welcome change.

Ah, but to be able to touch her without fear of killing her! That would be the greatest relief of all. Out of necessity, Bella and I did not have as intensely physical a relationship as Emmett and Rosalie. Our honeymoon accident was a perfect illustration of the razor's edge we had to walk in order to be together. We were so fortunate; it could have been much, much worse. No, that aspect I would not miss. For the longest time I longed to caress her slender shoulders, to embrace her with all the wild emotion she had awakened in me. And while I had learned how to safely kiss her, I was never truly able to lose myself in the moment. Her delicate, silky skin was one of the things I loved about her, but her fragile nature was a source of constant worry. I was sure she would also be relieved for the end of my overprotective reactions, as I tended to hover out of concern for dangers real and imagined. When she was made of more durable stuff, the need for these concerns would be gone. I would have to find another hobby.

Now that changing Bella would soon be a _fait accompli_, a larger world of possibilities began to occur to me. They seemed fairly mundane after the life-threatening events that had touched our lives in the last two years, but the thought of mundane things was welcome. She had spoken of attending Dartmouth after her newborn period. I had never attended college with a companion, always alone except for my brothers or sisters, if they were attending the same institution. High school had always been incredibly tedious; there was nothing at the high school level we did not know, and the social aspects of high school that entertained the children were lost on us. Yet these past two years in school with Bella had almost flown by, and I began thinking eagerly of attending school with her. If she was considering a degree in English literature, I supposed I could try as well. I considered myself fairly well read, but had never gone further than that. Now that I considered it, every possible activity took on a new shine as long as I could be by her side.

World travel had also paled in eighty years, and it had been a long time since I had done a world tour. Now that we had discussed traveling for our second honeymoon, I found myself eagerly wanting to take Bella to Paris, to walk the halls of The Louvre and dance with her in the ballrooms of Versailles. A visit to the Taj Mahal was trickier with the amount of sun in India, but the monsoon season should give decent cloud cover. I had also enjoyed the Scottish Highlands, which had a similar climate and terrain to Forks. The possibilities were endless, and I smiled as I contemplated the places we would go and the things we would do.

Carlisle knocked on the door and entered the room to check on Bella, the habit of making his rounds at the hospital too ingrained to ignore. He saw my face and smiled. "It's good to see you happy."

"For once the future seems brighter," I agreed. "For all the agonizing and effort I spent fighting with all of you over changing her, now that it is here..." I shrugged. "A great weight has been lifted from me and I can finally look at the positives in life."

_Esme was right_, he thought. "I knew this would work out for the better," he remarked.

"No, you didn't." I laughed. "You hoped it would work out, but at the time you didn't see how it could."

"That's true," he replied, with a wry grin. "Regardless, it's good to see you happy." He checked the level of Bella's IV and left the room.

I glanced over at one of my shelves where I displayed some keepsakes. Alice had framed some photographs from the wedding for me. Next to the bottle cap was one of Bella and I dancing – her dark curls cascading down her back in contrast with the white, satin gown. My pale skin was stark against the dark tuxedo jacket. I compared her skin to mine, and found we were almost the same shade of pale, except for her cheeks which were kissed by a hint of pink. The warmth in her face as she smiled up at me made my breath catch in my throat. I looked down at her sleeping face and stroked a finger along her cheek. As always, the touch of her skin sent an electric thrill into my hand and up my arm.

If only we had taken more pictures together, or I had taken more of her. I would have liked to preserve more images of her as she was when she first captured my heart. In one of her albums was the one taken of us at her eighteenth birthday party, but she didn't like to be reminded of that evening. I was glad she thought to have the waitress take our picture tonight.

The pictures reminded me of Bella's suggestion to remove the breakables; essentially to child-proof the room. I smirked at the thought – no child would ever be like this one – and rose from the bed to get boxes from the garage. We always had moving boxes on hand in case we needed to move out quickly.

Alice heard me open my door and was there in a second. "Did you…"

"Yes. She's sleeping now." I looked back through the doorway and was struck by the image of Bella lying on the bed. With the candles arranged around the room casting a golden glow over her, she looked almost to be lying in state. Like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White waiting to be awakened by true love's kiss. I was a little nervous and couldn't help asking. "Alice, are we doing everything right? Will she be okay?"

Alice looked away for a moment. "She'll be fine." She gave me a satisfied, rather smug grin. In her thoughts was the image I had seen so many times – Alice and Bella, arm in arm, Bella's eyes blazing red.

"Can you…stay with her for a moment? I don't want her to be alone." Irrationally, I felt like Bella would like to have company throughout the process, even though intellectually I knew she was sedated.

Alice raised her eyebrows at me and gave me a long-suffering shake of her head. _What am I going to do with you?_ she thought as she moved to the bedside.

"Thanks, Alice." I headed for the garage. When I returned with boxes, Alice was sitting in Bella's rocking chair, watching Bella and slowly rocking. The image reminded me of an expectant mother. She looked at me curiously. _What's all this?_

"Child-proofing," I answered, and she giggled.

I moved quickly, not knowing how long before the venom in Bella's neck would begin to spread. Alice got up and began helping me pack. She started on the CDs and other music. One by one I blew out the candles and put them aside to cool. The wedding pictures and other keepsakes I wrapped carefully and stored in a separate shoebox.

"Thanks for framing the pictures, Alice." I gazed for a long while at the image of Bella and me dancing, before storing it away. "I wish I had more pictures of her."

"I thought you might like it." She smirked at me. "Just remember to take more pictures now."

Normally, we didn't need pictures because our memories were just as good. However, if Bella's experience were the same as mine, the memories of her human life would become less distinct and I wanted to preserve them for her if possible.

I picked up Bella's necklace from the surgical tray and stored it in the jewelry box with my mother's jewelry. Finally, I disconnected my stereo and carried it into Carlisle's office. When my shelves were empty, Alice went back to her room.

I had stalled long enough. Returning to the equipment at Bella's bedside, I picked up a syringe of venom and inserted it into the medication administration port on Bella's IV tube. The venom had taken some time to collect, and had involved a peculiar operation – I had borrowed one of Bella's shirts. Enough of her scent clung to it to incite the flow of venom in my mouth so that we could collect it. Even so, it took a while to gather 200cc of venom. The dosage was a sheer guess but it was far more than the amount delivered in five bites, as Carlisle had done to me. We had to dilute the venom to make it flow easily so the resulting volume was even more.

I depressed the plunger to administer the venom, and the liquid imparted a yellowish tinge to the saline solution that moved quickly through the tubing. Eventually it was gone and the saline ran clear again. The general anesthetic continued its constant, steady flow. Replacing the spent syringe of venom with a full one, I dispensed it, and repeated the process for the remaining three.

Finished administering the venom, I lay back down on the bed and settled in to wait. It was not so different from when I would watch her sleep in her bedroom at Charlie's house. Bella's thick tresses flowed across the pillow like a chestnut torrent. Her skin was still the mouthwatering cream and roses that I loved. I suppose we could have changed her out of the blue dress she had worn to our last human date, but she looked so lovely lying there I didn't want to disturb the image.

The clock on my desk showed 1 a.m. – about one hour after I had put her under. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply and cleared my thoughts, as I usually did when settling in for a wait. Nothing reached me except the scent of Bella, the sound of her slow breathing and her low but steady heartbeat.

Sometime later, I was roused by a change in Bella's heart rate, a little faster, a little stronger than before. I opened my eyes. Her eyes were still closed but her breathing was coming fast and shallow. A small moan escaped her lips.

I felt the hackles rise on the back of my neck. "Carlisle!" I called sharply. It had been decades since I had witnessed a transformation – Emmett's – but we were going about it much differently this time.

Bella moaned again. If I didn't know better it could have been any other night when she had a bad dream, but her moans continued, getting louder with the passing minutes. She began to shift restlessly on the bed. It looked as if she would wake at any second so I moved to the side of the bed to steady her arm with the IV.

Carlisle appeared, a slight frown marring his normally serene face. "She's coming out of it so soon," he spoke, worriedly. Quickly he increased the drip rate of the sedative. It was what I had thought might happen, but I still hoped it wasn't too late for the medication to have an effect.

Bella's heart rate and breathing continued to climb. A faint sheen of perspiration broke out on her forehead which I wiped away. Her skin felt like a furnace to me. I lay my cold hand on her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, trying to cool her off. I knew the effort was futile because things were going to get worse.

Bella opened her eyes. They were still deep brown, but contracted in pain. Her eyes sought mine. "God…burning…Edward." Her sweet voice came between pants.

I could feel the panic starting to set in. I didn't sweat or get a rush of adrenaline but my breathing was involuntarily speeding up. There was a feeling in the bottom of my stomach like acid was burning a hole in it. "I know, love. Carlisle's here." I didn't know what else to tell her, except to reassure her.

Suddenly Bella's back arched and she screamed.

"Dear God," I heard myself say. "Carlisle, morphine!" I snapped without thinking, but he was beside the IV delivery system already. "Bella honey, I'm sorry!" I cried.

Carlisle spared me a quick glance, while adjusting things. "The morphine drip has been constant, and the sedative is useless now. I…I think it's already too late for more morphine."

Bella's scream cut off but her face remained a rictus of pain, her eyes tight shut, breath coming in quick rasps. It felt like a knife was twisting in my guts – as bad as when Jane was torturing me under Volterra. Bella was suffering and I had done this to her. I froze in place. My mind froze, as well. I knew I had some medical knowledge, but just didn't know where it was. All I could see was the pain etched in every fiber of her body.

No, I had to be here for her. I had to function. I shook my head violently and took a series of deep breaths. Bella's scent set off the burning in my throat and the pain gave me enough focus to clear my head of the initial panic.

I looked at Carlisle. "What can we do?" I asked.

Carlisle frowned. "If medication won't work..." He spread his hands. "Lamaze? What do we have to lose?"

Frantic, I recalled the Lamaze techniques I had learned ages ago. With the drugs not having any effect, we would have to try something else. I fear I did not pay that much attention during the training classes, thinking I would never have a need to help a partner through childbirth, or would never teach a Lamaze class. At this inappropriate time, some of the instructor's comments came to me. "We don't know if Lamaze really works, but it at least gives the mind something to think about besides the pain." If she wasn't already dead by now, I would happily hunt her down and kill her.

I took Bella's hand in mine. "Bella, can you feel my hand?" A quick nod, though her eyes did not open. "Alright, focus on my hand, honey. Focus on the cold." Her breathing still came in quick pants, so I didn't need to change that.

"Okay…hah…hah…" she puffed.

"Great, you're doing fine, love." Keep them calm, keep their mind on something else, lots of encouragement. We were also supposed to keep the mother hydrated because of all the work her muscles were doing but I didn't think that applied in this case. Her muscles were changing, not working.

Bella opened her eyes, lifted a hand and pushed it weakly against my chest. "You…go," she urged me.

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving you."

She grimaced as another wave hit her. "Not…like…this…" she panted.

I clenched my teeth until the wave subsided, then soothed her hair back from her face. "Hush, Bella, don't be brave for me. It's all right. Come on, squeeze my hand." She seemed to glare at me, or it could have been the pain furrowing her brow, but she stopped trying to get me to leave. I didn't like to see her in pain but I had to do what I could for her.

We stayed this way for I don't know how long. The only sounds in the room were those of Bella breathing quick and sharp, or me murmuring whatever came into my head that sounded positive. I lost track of my surroundings, lost track of time, so focused on her was I. All the while doing anything I could think of to divert her from the pain, rubbing her back to try to relax her, and feeling absolutely useless because there was nothing I could really do about it; it was all up to her. Expecting fathers in the delivery room the world over must feel like this – totally helpless.

More and more often a cry of pain would escape her and every muscle in her body would tense and tremble like palsy. I clenched my jaw as each scream struck me through the core, and whispered I was sorry. Her hand squeezed mine during each paroxysm. Was it my imagination or was each constriction getting stronger?

I looked up as Carlisle was removing the IV needle from Bella's arm. "It's not doing any good anymore. The change is moving faster than I've ever seen it, and I'd rather not leave the needle in when her arm crystallizes around it."

I realized I had forgotten about him while trying to minister to Bella. "How long?" I asked.

"It's been about thirty hours," he answered. His face was fairly placid, and I tried to take comfort in the fact that he had witnessed several transformations and was not overly perturbed right now.

Time was not moving at a normal pace today. I had the impression we had been here for days already. "Is everybody else home?" I asked.

He nodded. "They've poked their heads in from time to time, but you've been too occupied to notice."

"E-Edward?" Bella's voice was hoarse.

"Yes, love?"

"Am…I still…" Another spasm interrupted her. "Still…soft…and warm?"

"Shh, save your strength." I didn't have the IV to fuss with so I shifted her until she was cradled in my lap, my back against the headboard. I put a hand on her forehead. "You're quite warm. And we've been over this before. I will always love you whether you're soft and warm or not. We belong together."

"'Kay," she muttered, and drew in a long, shaky breath.

"Breathe, Bella," I directed, and she went back to taking short breaths.

I had Carlisle open the drapes so we could see outside, but the overcast masked the sky so it could have been morning or evening. Alice came in and took Bella's other hand. "It's going to be fine," she reassured me. "She'll be fine."

"Bella, would you like some music?" I asked. That was another thing I remembered from Lamaze. Soothing music sometimes helped. She shrugged, breath still coming quickly. I queried Alice with my eyes and she nodded. "Okay, Alice will stay with you." I moved Bella from my lap to the bed, got up and quickly retrieved my stereo from Carlisle's office and hooked it up.

I found the CD of my music that I had made for Bella and loaded it; it was one of her favorites. She gave a quick smile as she recognized the opening notes, then another wave of pain took her. When it passed her brow was slightly more relaxed than before, and I felt a hint of satisfaction that I could make her even minutely more comfortable.

Some time toward the afternoon, I noticed a slight sheen starting to take over the cream and roses color of her skin. Now it was more and more cream and moved slowly like a time lapse film of a drying lake bed. I looked into her eyes and they were no longer deep brown; they were light orange. I reached up to wipe the perspiration away as I had been doing, and found none.

The afternoon wore on, and night slowly fell, turning my window into a giant mirror. I asked Alice to close the drapes, not wanting to look at two images of Bella's suffering. Was it the second or third time night had fallen? I could not remember, and just hoped it would be over soon.

A sudden pain in my hand brought my attention back in time to see another wave of agony ripple through Bella's body. Her skin sparkled now, totally crystalline. Knowing she would soon have the strength to break my fingers, I removed her grip from my hand, and folded her hand into a little fist which I held in mine. Some of the angles in her face seemed to have softened a little, but her nose, cheeks and eyebrows were the same as before, only a bit paler. The few freckles on her cheeks were fading. A brief smile broke through my worry; she was still my Bella.

Suddenly her heart rate accelerated, beating like a trip hammer. She arched her back worse than before and thrashed her arms and legs. I struggled to hold her, something I had never had trouble with before. Already, she was stronger than ever.

"_Edward!_"

My name was a horrid scream ripped from the depths of her soul. I looked into her crimson eyes and froze. The look in her eyes was so hopeless, like she had nothing left. The suffering in them so deep, so intense that the pit of my stomach fell through and I had no more words of encouragement. No more thoughts except that she should not suffer. The guilt in my chest burned like acid. "Carlisle!" I yelled in panic. "Is she all right? How much longer?"

Carlisle's calm voice came to me as I could not wrench my eyes from Bella's face, "She's fine, Edward. Can you hear her heart fly? It's very strong. Not much longer now."

Alice gripped my shoulder firmly. "Jasper, can you come here, please?" she called.

Jasper came into the room, and quickly assessed the emotional state in the room. "I think Edward needs a little help," Alice spoke.

Jasper nodded. Slowly, my panic subsided and I felt ashamed that they had seen it. I turned back to Bella and soothed her hair back from her face, murmuring encouragement. At my words her expression also calmed down, but she still panted heavily. Her face still showed her pain but the unreasoning fear and despair were eased.

"Thank you, Jasper." I breathed in relief. Alice let go of me but she was muttering at me under her breath. "Sorry, Alice," I said, sheepishly.

She shook her head and sighed at me. _Honestly, you are so_ mental _around her!_ For some reason her thoughts were rather faint to me, but I could still make out the words.

I could only nod, because she was right.

Bella's heart broke into a blur, sounding like machine gun, a hummingbird, as her teeth ground together and she twisted in my arms. No human heart could beat this quickly and still survive. It held that note for a long crescendo that seemed to last for minutes that stretched into hours…then silence. It stopped and she collapsed backwards into me. The absence of the thrumming of her heart was almost deafening, and she panted slowly with her eyes closed. It was finished.

I sagged against the headboard in relief; it had been a long ordeal. Gently smoothing the tousled hair back from Bella's face, I relaxed the muscle control I always exerted when touching her and stroked her cheek. Her skin, while silky smooth, was ice pale and firm to my touch – no longer the ephemeral silk over glass that I feared I would destroy. It still held some of her residual heat but was slowly starting to cool. I pulled her close in the first real embrace I had ever given her. A hint of the floral scent from her blood still remained, but it was faint enough for me to easily ignore.

I looked up with a wide smile into the faces of my family who had gathered in my room.

"She's perfect!" I cried.

= = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_A/N: There you are. I really enjoy being in Edward's head, don't you? That's one thing you won't see me do, mark a chapter "BPOV" or "EPOV." If I can't make it apparent who is speaking without coming right out and telling you, I'm not doing my craft well. Love to hear what you think!_


	8. Chapter 7: Awakening

_**Disclaimer**: All rights are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer. Any characters that may appear here are for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

_**Author's Note**: A big thank you to KzintiKiller, TwilightMomofTwo and katmom for their guidance and support. You guys rock!_

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><p><span>Ch. 7 - Awakening<span>

The fire was out. Finally I could feel my arms and legs and fingers and toes were free of the horrible burning ache. Except for my throat; it still burned. Worse than being thirsty, worse than after running a mile. My throat was the Sahara Desert at high noon. I was afraid to open my eyes, but my ears wouldn't cooperate. I could hear breathing. Six, no seven distinct sounds of breathing were nearby. In the background, music was playing. It sounded familiar and I liked it but I couldn't put a name to it.

I tried to hear more, and it was as if my hearing stretched out. Down below I could hear some talking, and a low background roaring as from many voices. A television. That's what it was. In the same area there was the buzzing of an insect that thumped several times as it bounced against a hard surface. A fly must be banging against a window pane somewhere. There was a whirring noise and a rush of air next to a low humming. I wasn't sure what that could be.

I stretched out in a different direction. I could hear the rush of the wind through the trees, the babbling of a rushing river. Bird song drifted to my ears and I thought I heard the screech of a hawk. Further still there was some kind of mechanical roar. Cars? Yes, the rushing of cars and the rolling of tires on pavement. All of these sounds came to me at once, and struck my ears as a low, growling roar. But I found if I focused a bit, I could sort the sounds into distinct units.

My nose twitched and I could smell a musky, spicy scent in the room that seemed vaguely familiar, but was stronger than I remembered it. The air was swimming with it.

My mind confused me. It seemed I was able to pay attention to each of these sensations at once. Sound, scent and feeling all reached me at the same time. I sifted through vague memories, and could only remember seeing or hearing one thing at a time.

"Can you hear it? Her heart stopped," someone spoke. "She should be awake soon."

Some part of me thought I should be concerned that someone's heart had stopped. That was usually bad. I noticed a warm pair of arms around me and I was lying on a warm body. Somehow that didn't seem right either.

"Bella honey, can you hear me?" the voice said. Bella. Oh, that was me. But the voice that spoke was different. It had a subtle extra timbre to it. A hand stroked my hair and came to rest on my cheek. A warm hand. That was wrong. Who was holding me? Fear shot through me like wildfire. Without thinking, I shoved the body away and sprang in the other direction, knocking something over in mid-flight. I came down in a crouch, my hands curved into claws. My face whipped right and left, looking for the danger I had sensed. My breath came quickly through my teeth, lips pulled back in a snarl.

There were seven of them. Two males stood closest to me. The one with bronze-colored hair was closest, next to the bed, his hands held in front of him, ready to grab. A blonde one stood on the other side of the bed, watching me intently. Four others stood near the door; two males, one huge and the other not so, stood in front of two females. A third dark-haired female picked herself off the floor and moved to stand with the others.

"Bella? Calm down, we're not going to hurt you," the bronze-haired one said quietly. I glared at him. I wasn't going to give him the chance. "Jasper?" he asked.

"I'm on it," the blonde one said. "She's pretty keyed up right now. Very angry, very thirsty. Be careful."

They didn't move closer, so I held my position, keeping a wary eye on them, looking for an escape. They all had smooth, pale skin. My eyes seemed to zoom in on their skin, revealing a crystalline structure that refracted rainbows of the available light. I looked at my hands…and saw the same thing. For some reason that seemed wrong.

A foot stepped closer to me. The bronze-hair's hands reached towards me. "Look out!" someone screamed. I screamed back and lunged. My blow caught him across the face and he fell backwards across the room. Suddenly I was knocked back by something. The big male. We crashed to the floor and somehow he got his arms around me and pinned mine to my sides. I lurched to my feet and tried to throw him off. He lost his hold for a second but got his feet back on the floor, and swept my feet out from under me. I landed on top of him, and his arms locked around me again.

"Jasper!" he yelled in my ear.

Two more bodies flew into us. The bronze-hair grabbed my legs and the blonde my feet. I ground my teeth and tried to kick, tried to wrench my arms free.

"A little calm would be nice Jasper!" the bronze-hair shouted.

"I'm working on it!" said the blonde-hair through his teeth.

I glared while I continued to struggle against the three of them. Then a quiet, familiar voice came to my ears – low and calm, velvet smooth. The voice of an angel reached through the haze of anger.

"Calm down, Bella. We're not going to hurt you. You're safe here, love."

I had heard that voice before, and my mind stretched in its direction, reaching up towards the surface. It felt like a blanket had been slowly thrown over my head. There was no danger, only peace. The sound that I recognized as my frenzied breathing slowed, then returned to a normal pace. The haze that covered my vision seemed to clear…and…

I saw Edward's face. I didn't recognize him at first because it was like seeing it for the first time. I could see it so much more clearly than before, even down to the light from the fixtures refracting off his skin. The perfection of it stood out even more than what I remembered. The plane of his brow, furrowed with effort, I longed to smooth with my hand. The straight line of his jaw, and the lips that I was aching to have smile that crooked smile. But there was a mark on his otherwise flawless face.

"Ed…Edward?" I whispered.

The look of effort on his face gave way to relief as he looked at me. "Bella? Are you all right?" he said.

"I'm fine, but your face…did…did I…" I sputtered.

"Take a swipe at him? You sure did!" Emmett's laughter boomed in back of me and shook the pile of us.

"Oh no!" Guilt washed through me. My first act as a newborn vampire was to attack my husband. I tried to reach for him but Emmett still held me in a grip of steel. "Let go Emmett!" I said.

Edward and Emmett looked at Jasper. For some reason Edward frowned briefly.

"Go ahead," Jasper said. "She's not angry anymore."

Emmett let go and began to extricate himself. Jasper got up as well, but kept a wary eye on me. I threw my arms around Edward and pulled him to me. His body moved easily toward me. That was also different. Before it would have been me who was pulled to him; a mouse trying to move a mountain. "I'm so sorry Edward! I didn't mean it!" I said.

He winced, "Ow! Um, take it easy Bella. You're a lot stronger now."

That was weird. I couldn't remember how many times I had bruised myself whacking him on the shoulder when he teased me. And I'd made him say "ow". I relaxed my grip. "I'm sorry. I was just upset I hurt you."

He shifted me into his lap and started to rock me like a child. That at least hadn't changed. "Shh, Bella, it's all right, it's all right. You didn't know what you were doing. You must feel very disoriented right now." Edward started stroking my hair, and I was glad that it still sent a shiver through me.

I looked at his cheek and ran my fingers over the welt on his face. His skin was no longer the ice cold that I remembered. It was the same temperature as mine; or rather mine was now the same temperature as his. Nor was it hard as granite; it had the same amount of give that mine did. That would take some getting used to. At the same time the wonder of these new sensations filled me, the guilt rose in the back of my throat. The thought that I was the one to hurt him made me want to hide my face. "Does it hurt much?" I asked.

"Nothing permanent, but I did feel that," he said. He worked his jaw back and forth, then he grinned. "In fact, if you'd like to track down Jacob and punch him in the face again, I guarantee he'll notice this time."

I grimaced at his reminder. My memory of that day seemed a little hazy now, and I had to think to bring it back. It had been months since I had fractured a knuckle punching Jacob. I flexed my hand and realized that the residual ache was gone. My hip also hadn't bothered me while Emmett and I had been wrestling. Side benefits of the fiery transformation process.

Edward continued to trace the features of my face, a happy smile on his lips. "So how do you feel sweetheart?" he asked.

"Ugh. Not like me," I said. "There's too much to see, too much to feel. Like the whole world is shouting at me all of a sudden. It's like I'm standing in front of a whole bunch of TVs in the TV store. Before I could only watch one at a time to make any sense of it. Now I can watch every single one at the same time, and it all makes sense. Almost like my brain got bigger to keep track of everything."

Edward nodded. "Now you see why I said our kind is easily distracted."

"I guess so," I marveled.

"Are you thirsty?"

I hissed and sucked in a breath. "I wish you hadn't said that. My throat was bothering me before but now it's all I can think of. It's awful."

Carlisle stepped forward with a large, covered coffee mug and passed it to me. "Here, try this," he said.

I took the mug and looked up at my new family. I could say that with conviction now. I was one of them. I wondered that I had never before noticed the shining, luminous quality that seemed to shimmer about them. Emmett, who had always been like a man-mountain next to me, still loomed over us, yet radiated a warmth that came from more than his smiling face. From Esme and Carlisle, who stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders, I felt a wave of love and kindness. Rosalie stood behind Emmett, her glorious beauty seeming to pulse in an aura around her, but also formed a barrier of some kind. Little Alice, my favorite sister, stood watching me with a huge grin on her face. She had always been so graceful I felt like a clod next to her. Now it seemed that even standing still, gravity had no hold on her, flowing and graceful in stillness. I looked at Jasper, and my eyes widened in shock. The myriad, faint bite scars I had seen on him before, now stood out like beacons to my vampire eyes, crossing and criss-crossing his skin like a Maori tattoo. They fairly screamed menace at me.

Lastly I looked at Edward. I was never able to see past his beauty and perfection with human eyes. Or maybe that just showed how besotted I was with him. But as I looked at him now, it was as if he had an air of – I struggled to find the words – I guess honor and goodness surrounded him. No wonder he tried so hard to do the right thing regardless of the cost to himself.

Bemused, I dropped my eyes and sniffed at the mug in my hands, one eyebrow raised. They say that memory is most easily triggered by the sense of smell. Suddenly my mouth began to water. Even with the mug covered, I knew that smell of rust and salt. But instead of making me ill, I wanted it. I opened the lid and took a cautious sip. It was warm and a little salty. It reminded me of a protein shake, but the flavor was off and not completely satisfactory. It still tasted pretty good to my parched throat, so I tilted the mug back and chugged the contents. When I finished I was still a bit thirsty, but it was bearable now. I licked my lips and asked, "Was that…"

"Black-tailed deer," smiled Carlisle. "I can get whole blood at the hospital but we thought we should try and see if we can keep you from acquiring the taste for humans."

"Wow," I said. "The smell of blood used to make me pass out." I held out the mug. "Is there any more?"

Edward chuckled. "Brothers, I think it's time for a hunting trip," he got up and helped me to my feet.

"Welcome to the family!" Alice cried out, and darted forward with her arms wide.

It was like my mind was in somebody else's body. Startled by the sudden movement, I leapt backwards with a snarl. I crashed into the bookshelves and crouched, hands ready to rip and tear. Empty shelving cascaded to the floor. Someone, the bronze-hair, stepped in between us, hands in front of him.

"Bella honey, just calm down," he said. "Nobody's going to hurt you." He spoke quietly, calmly. The blonde-hair was frowning at me again. I wondered if he would attack first this time.

"Easy now. It's all right. We're just going to stay still and let her calm down. Right Jasper?"

Like someone was talking to a skittish horse, slow and tranquil. Reassuring. The feeling of calm slowly fell over me again. I blinked, then shook my head and straightened up. When my eyes opened I could see Alice standing behind Edward. Alice, my sister, whom I was about to tear into. Horror and self-revulsion washed over me. My shoulders drooped and I covered my face with my hands. "How am I going to do this?" I wailed. "I'm so jumpy. I think everything is going to kill me and before I know what I'm doing…" I shuddered and dropped my hands. "I hurt Edward, and I was going to hurt you Alice," I said in an agonized voice. "I didn't even know it was you." I looked at my family. "I don't recognize any of you when I'm like that."

"Your body is adapted to being a predator," Carlisle spoke. "The fight or flight response is naturally faster in our kind, absolutely instinctive. As you get older you'll be able to control it better."

I wondered how hard it was going to be to control myself. "Jasper?" I asked. "I feel pretty calm right now. How much of that is you?"

Jasper tilted his head slightly, assessing me again. "Right now I'm not doing anything, and you seem fairly normal to me. Well, as normal as a bloodthirsty vampire can be. It seems once you're back to a calm state, you're able to stay that way until something sets you off again. It's very much like a new werewolf. Just try to stay calm and not get angry."

"Easy for you to say," I said. But he seemed to be right. I searched myself for angry thoughts or feelings and couldn't find any. Though anger was a bad thing right now, I felt oddly cheered by the fact that I could feel any human emotion. If I could feel anger, I should be able to feel other things as well.

"It's all right," Alice said as she stepped slowly forward. "We'll just need to be more careful until you're used to things." She carefully gave me a hug.

"Welcome to the family," she repeated softly with a happy smile. "Want to have a look at yourself?"

"Um, okay," I said a little apprehensively. Images of Nosferatu and Bela Lugosi flashed through my mind. I knew it was silly but I ran my tongue quickly over my teeth and was rather relieved to find I had not sprouted fangs.

Alice took me by the hand and led me to her room. Edward and the rest of the family followed closely behind. Alice stopped in front of the full-length mirror on her closet door.

"_Et, voila_," she said.

I gasped. The first thing I noticed was my eyes. They were no longer brown, but practically glowed crimson. Demon eyes.

"My eyes," I said, shocked. "How long?"

"Anywhere from six months to a year, depending on how long it takes the human blood in you to be diluted out," Carlisle answered.

The girl in the mirror put her hands to her cheeks and her mouth dropped open. Her skin was pale and smooth as alabaster. The few freckles that came from living in Phoenix were gone, leaving the skin clean and unblemished. Her long brown hair was still mussed from the earlier tussle. Some of the angles of her face seemed to have softened a little. The eyebrows were still the same. The laugh lines around the eyes that had come from Charlie's side were smoothed away. The nose was still not too big and not too small. Except for the eyes it was still essentially me. There was something like the aura that surrounded the others that made me seem a little more attractive than before. I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping it would be changed into long, thick, glossy chestnut that moved and flowed like it was alive. Like Rosalie's hair only brunette. I gave an inward sigh. You can't have everything.

"I have to admit, part of me is a little disappointed," I finally said. "Not that I expected to change into Rosalie." Rosalie smiled a bit at this comment. "But I was hoping I'd get a little more help in that department." I turned to Edward. "What do you think?"

Edward looked intently into my eyes reflected in the mirror and pursed his lips. "I think I'm a little disappointed too."

My eyes flew open as if he'd struck me, and my fingers went to my lips. I'd never thought of myself as vain but it still hurt to hear it from him.

Edward chucked ruefully and took my face in his hands. "Not that way, love. You've always been the most beautiful girl in my world. You still are." He kissed me softly. I was surprised at the warmth and softness of his lips as they slid over mine. The warmth started to grow in my stomach, and I was happy I could still feel that. That was one of the things I worried about losing. Too soon, he pulled back, but I could tell by the glow in his eyes he could feel it too.

"I was actually hoping I would be able to hear your thoughts after you changed, and we were more alike. Yet here I stand, just as frustrated as the day we first met." He sighed.

I had gotten used to the feeling of kissing a statue; a statue with lips that moved and slowly warmed at my touch. He had gotten used to kissing me, but never truly lost himself in the moment like I could. All the while we kissed he exerted iron control over his strength and impulses, so as not to injure me. While it was enough for us at the time, part of me felt I was cheating him. Now his lips were as warm and soft as mine, and raised goose bumps at the new sensation. It felt good to know that I wouldn't be cheating him any longer.

Alice picked up a brush and started brushing my hair. When she was finished and the silky chestnut flowed through her fingers she turned me back to the mirror. For a moment we stood with our arms around each other.

Edward started at the reflection of the two of us side by side. His eyes widened briefly as he looked at us. I wondered what he was thinking about. He cleared his throat.

"I'm sure Bella is still thirsty. We should go hunt. Alice do you see any problems?" he asked.

Alice's eyes lost focus as she searched the future. After a moment she frowned into Edward's eyes reflected in the mirror.

"Well?" Edward prompted.

Alice pursed her lips, her pixie face locked in concern. "I'm not sure. I can't see so well." An edge of panic touched her quiet soprano.

Now it was Edward's turn to frown. "You're right, what's going on?" He looked from me, to Alice and back again. His eyes widened and his eyebrows went up in surprise. "Think something Alice. Recite the Declaration of Independence."

She looked at him like he was crazy but didn't say anything.

"What's going on?" asked Emmett.

"Shh!" Edward shushed him.

Edward waited for a moment, then he gently pushed us apart.

"Oh my god," he said in a voice full of wonder.

"What?" everybody in the room asked at once.

"Bella has a gift," he said, still awed. "When she and Alice were touching they were both silent. When Alice let go I could hear her again." He frowned. "And earlier, when Jasper, Emmett and I were holding her, I couldn't hear them either."

"Awesome!" Emmett suddenly grinned. "Now we can keep him from cheating!"

"Alice, can you see now?" I asked. We all relied on her talent so much I worried about the dangers we might not see coming.

"Yes, all better," she smiled in relief, now that we weren't touching.

"Wait, wait." Now it was Jasper's turn to frown. "I thought…" He stared at me intently, and I looked back wondering what he was up to. "Bella, you're not sad right now, are you?" he said, in an incredulous voice.

"No, should I be?"

"Yes, you should." Jasper looked to Edward. "Did you see?"

"Amazing," Edward marveled. "Jasper can sense what Bella feels, but he can't adjust her mood."

"So that wasn't me calming you down when we tussled earlier," Jasper said, concern written all over his face. "If it wasn't me, what brought you down?"

"I heard a voice, coming to me through a kind of haze," I said. "It was very calm, very soothing. I found I wanted to listen to it."

"I think that was me," Edward said, in surprise. "I wonder…" He reached for my hand. Then his mouth flew wide and his eyes almost bulged from his head.

"What?" we all chorused again.

"I can't hear you. Any of you!" The shock on his face was tangible. I felt my heart sink as I realized that just by existing, I took away something that was so much a part of him.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said miserably. "Do you think maybe I could turn it off?"

He gave his head a shake and the shock was quickly replaced with a beaming smile. "Are you kidding? This is the first peace and quiet I've had in ninety years! Why do you think I have all the music? I have to drown everybody's thoughts out somehow."

I crinkled my forehead as I thought about this. The thoughts in my head had always been closed to Edward, but we thought it was just how my brain had been wired. Charlie had also been a little fuzzy to Edward, but not silent. Now this. Like I was some kind of big mental eraser. "You're not mad?" I asked as I searched his face.

"Not in the slightest," he smiled.

"But this isn't normal, is it?"

Edward grinned wryly. "You were just changed into a vampire, and you're looking for normal?"

"Enough," Esme broke in. "Poor Bella must be suffering. Go hunt. We can talk about this later." And with that the family filed out of Alice's room, back to their normal pursuits. My thirst was bearable, but I would like to get something soon.

Although I was normally pretty indifferent of my wardrobe, I was sure the blue dress was fairly inappropriate for a hunting trip. "If we're going hunting I'm going to change out of this dress," I said.

I headed back to our room. And of course as I crossed the threshold my toe caught the door post. The sad part was, my brain could see it coming. My enhanced reflexes took over and kept me from falling, but my flailing hand crashed into Edward's desk.

I pulled my hand out. Not a scratch. I looked at the broken desk and sighed. I never thought I'd become as graceful as Alice, but I had hoped the two left feet would remain in my human life. "Sorry Edward," I said, sheepish.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "You know, this might be the first time we've ever had to childproof the house. I'll tell Esme to put away her breakables." I wrinkled my nose and stuck my tongue out at him.

Edward closed the door and I went to change. "Did you stay with me the whole time?" I asked.

"Yes." He started taking off his tie.

I sighed mentally. "I wish you hadn't seen me like that. I knew you'd blame yourself."

Edward was silent for a moment. "I could never leave you while you needed me," he said quietly.

I smiled my thanks and gently touched his cheek. "So what do you think? Do you miss the smell and me being soft and warm? Do you…hate my eyes?" I couldn't help the insecurity that crept into my voice.

Edward gently wrapped one arm around me and brushed the hair back from my face. With his thumb caressing my temple he gazed into my eyes. "They are different, but still very deep," he murmured. "Like looking into the depths of a ruby. And your skin." He let his fingertips rove softly across my cheeks as he examined them. "It's so soft and pale. Like camellia petals. It's lovely," he mused.

"As for the rest." He drew his nose to the top of my head, then inhaled his way down the side of my face, to my neck and shoulder, where his lips settled and moved in a way that sent shivers down my spine. He squeezed me close and gave a happy sigh. "It's wonderful. You have no idea."

"So did I turn out okay?" I asked, my eyes closed, savoring the feel of his arms around me.

"More than okay," he said with a smile, his voice warm with admiration. "You're absolutely perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more."

A little dazed by his open adoration, I gave him a quick kiss, reluctantly left the circle of his arms and moved into the closet. There I unfastened and took off the dress, placed it on a hanger and put it away. The hip brace was the last reminder of my human frailties. I reached down and with a sharp ripping sound, opened the Velcro fasteners. I took it off with a feeling of relief, and briefly tested my weight on my hip. Unnecessary of course.

I held up the brace. "This is one thing I'm not going to miss," I said, and dropped the brace into the trash basket with a satisfying clang.

Edward grinned. "The emergency room is going to lose their best customer. The economic impact will be devastating."

I made a face at him. "If Carlisle is in danger of getting laid off, we can always send them some business. I never did get around to running over Tyler."

"Throw in Mike, and you've got a deal," Edward laughed.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Reviews, reviews, they're good for the heart. The more you leave the, the more you...uh waitaminnit..._


	9. Chapter 8: Hunting

_**Disclaimer**: All rights are wholly owned by Stephenie Meyer. Any characters that may appear here are for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. _

_**Author's Note**: A big thank you to my beta, TwilightMomofTwo, for helping this be all that it can be. You rule! Read her story, "Resurrection". ZOMG it's good!_

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><p><span>Ch. 8 - Hunting<span>

Charlie was a fisherman, not a hunter, so I had never gone hunting as a human. I was even more clueless as to what was involved when vampires hunted. The first time I brought up the idea of watching Edward hunt he had snarled at me. So I was a little apprehensive as to the coming activity.

Most hunters who came to the Newton's store tended to wear jeans and a flannel shirt or something to that effect. Some wore camouflage clothing or coveralls. I didn't have coveralls so I just put on jeans and the shirt, and tied my hair into a pony tail. I turned to see Edward had taken off his tie but was still wearing slacks and a white shirt. He was lounging on the sofa watching me.

"Um, shouldn't you wear something a little more…sturdy?" I asked.

He grinned at me and chuckled, obviously amused by the newborn. I felt my eyes narrow at him. "Hey, how was I supposed to know?" My voice rose slightly. "You never wanted me to come with you before."

Edwards smoothed his expression and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, love," he apologized. "You're right, I shouldn't be laughing at things you don't know. In fact, I find I'm eager to show you the rest of my world now." He rose from the couch and took my hand. "Come on." My feelings soothed, I now felt guilty because I shouldn't let myself get angry.

Emmett and Jasper were waiting for us outside. I half expected us to get into Emmett's jeep, but they started walking towards the river. Edward and I followed. Emmett turned to me, grinning. "Try to keep up, okay?" Then he and Jasper dashed toward the river and cleared it in a single bound.

Before, when the Cullens ran, they disappeared from my human eyes. Now I had no problem keeping track of them. Looking at my wide-eyed stare, Edward chuckled. "Your body knows what to do, Bella. Just let it take over. Come on." He turned as well and jumped the river.

I took a deep breath. Kids on the track team did long jump, but of course I had never gone out for that. If I had to guess, I'd say the river was 30 or 40 yards wide. Either way, everybody was on the other side waiting for me. It was either jump or swim.

I started running toward the river, aiming for a spot on the bank. It seemed as if things were moving in slow motion, and I had no problem keeping track of it all. I could clearly see a flat rock near the river bank as I drew closer. That would make a good launching pad. When I got close enough I planted my foot on it without missing, then heaved myself into the air as hard as I could go.

Suddenly I was flying, air whistling by my ears, my clothes fluttering with the passage of the wind. Thoughts of Peter Parker and the proportionate strength of a spider came to mind again, and I giggled.

But then I looked down. I was more than halfway across the river and I wasn't coming down yet. With no way to control where I was going to land, I started flailing my arms and legs as the trees on the opposing bank got closer and closer. "Oh craaap!" I yelled. And I crashed into the upper branches of a pine tree. Needles, pine cones and a couple branches rained down as I hung there.

Like with Edward's desk, I wasn't hurt, but Emmett and Jasper were howling with laughter on the river bank below. Edward gazed up at me, his hand over his mouth – whether from concern or from suppressing laughter, I couldn't tell. If I could still blush I knew I would be beet red. Trying to ignore them, I closed my eyes tightly, my teeth ground together and a roaring sound began to build in my head. I gripped some branches to steady my trembling hands, but the hoots of derision continued to assault my ears, mocking my missteps. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore and my hands clenched, severing the branches in a crackling explosion. "You think this is easy?" I screamed. The roar filled my ears completely and I launched myself out of the tree at the figures below.

There were three of them. I landed on the big one, knocking him to the ground with the sound of a wrecking ball crashing into a building. As I got to my feet to smash him down again, another one with reddish hair tackled me from the side and we both fell. The big one got closer and I lashed out with my feet, catching him in the stomach and knocking him back. Twisting from side to side, I tried to break free but the red-head kept his arms locked around me. The blonde one approached and I snarled as he avoided my kicking feet and grabbed my legs. Arching backward, I tried to bite the one on the back of me but the big one came and helped pin me to the ground. I kept squirming and trying to kick, glaring and snarling.

Then that voice came to me again, calm and comforting, easing my mind back into my body. Slowly, against my will, my mind cleared. The roaring sound in my head subsided to a whisper, then stopped. My frantic breathing slowed and returned to normal. Edward was speaking slowly and calmly to me, his lips close to my ear. The faces of Emmett and Jasper were furrowed with the effort of trying to restrain me without hurting me. They felt me stop struggling, and slowly began relaxing their hold, watching me all the while. I rolled onto my stomach and covered my head with my arms. I felt like digging a hole and jumping in.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I get mad so easily now!" I had never considered myself a violent person before. Okay, there was that time I'd punched Jacob but he had really pissed me off. Now my temper seemed to be on a hair trigger and I was going from zero to psycho in nothing flat.

"Shh, it's alright, love. You can't help who you are now." Edward's silky voice resonated in my ear, his hand rubbing my back gently.

"I can't help being a raving maniac?" I grumbled. "That's just great." Self-loathing burned in my stomach, making me bury my head deeper under my arms.

Edward's soothing voice continued. "You're not a raving maniac, you're just…adjusting. That's what comes with this life, Bella, it doesn't last forever." Then he chuckled. "It's a good thing, too. When Emmett was changed he really kept us busy."

Mention of Emmett reminded me I had attacked him first. "Emmett, are you okay?" I queried him.

Emmett's low laugh rumbled in his chest. "Don't worry about it. Esme doesn't let Jasper and me really go at it, and Edward cheats. So this is the most fun I've had in a long time!"

"More fun than Grizzlies?" I asked sourly, still refusing to look at them.

"Yeah, way more fun!"

"You're doing fine, Bella," Jasper's low drawl came to me. "Remember when I told you how hard it was to keep an army of newborns? It's because they're unstable and fight with each other. If no one stops them they keep going until one's dead. You seem to be doing fairly well, considering. When you're not angry, you are quite like your normal self. I remember some newborns who would go back to fighting right after I finished calming them down. We had to put those down because they were too destructive."

I shuddered at the thought. I hoped Jasper wouldn't feel the need to put me down. The life of a newborn was a precarious existence under Jasper and Maria's command. Although as I thought about it some more, the situation was not the same. Maria's newborns were disposable, living day to day as a means to power. We were a family, and Jasper had voted in favor of me joining the family. He wouldn't have done that if I were disposable.

"I have to admit," Jasper went on. "It would be easier if I could calm you down directly. We'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way."

"It just takes a while," Edward's velvet voice assured me, and I felt the light touch of his lips on the back of my head.. "We'll simply have to be more careful." The stern warning in his voice for his brothers didn't miss my notice. "Meanwhile we really should go." He smoothed my hair back behind my ear, and whispered close to it. "Maybe you'll be less crabby when you've had something to eat."

The warm timbre in his voice roused me out of my shame. At this most inappropriate of times, I realized his full length was stretched alongside me where we had fallen, legs entangled with mine. Raising my head, I rolled over part way to look at him. He had a wry smile on one side of his lips, his eyes gazed into mine and his hand rested softly on my back. Relief blossomed that he felt comfortable enough to tease me. Part of me had worried that he might start to regret being married to an unstable witch. "Thanks for being patient," I said as I began to pull my legs free. Edward rose first and helped me to my feet. We quickly brushed most of the dirt and leaves off each other before resuming our course.

The three of them started off into the woods at a human speed trot and I followed. They gradually picked up the pace, and I sped up to match them. Running had never been my thing and I tended to fall down a lot, but now it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. As the trees, brush and obstacles rushed forward at higher and higher speeds, I found that my enhanced senses and reactions seemed to work together without my conscious input, like an auto-pilot. Occasionally the wealth of new sensations worked against me, distracting me as I ran, and I would have to catch myself. Amazingly, my body seemed to take over in those situations, keeping me upright with just a slight hitch in stride. So while I wasn't Alice, I wasn't my completely klutzy old self anymore. I laughed, wondering what the girls in gym class would think if they saw me now.

I put a little more effort into it, and pulled abreast of the three boys. My movements were not as fast as Edward's, but I seemed to cover more ground for every step so we were pretty even. A smirk spread across my face as I began to truly appreciate where his fascination with speed came from. Riding on Edward's back had been a hundred times better than the motorcycle. And while I liked the intimacy of riding on his back, running on my own was so much more thrilling.

We continued in what Edward said was a south-easterly direction for a while, sometimes on old logging roads, sometimes cross-country. Hills and mountains, valleys and rivers meant nothing to us, flowing under our flashing feet like the lawn at a city park. We would soon reach the Olympic National Park, if we weren't already inside the park boundaries. I thought I would start to tire soon but the old familiar burning in the lungs or aching in the muscles never came. After running for almost an hour, I still showed no signs of tiring. I smiled; I could get used to this.

I had always wondered how Edward was able to find his way through the woods at night. Now that I was able to see, hear and smell so much more of the world it became apparent. To human eyes, the forest was what you saw in front of you; trees, rocks, brush and that was during the day. You were inside a bubble that moved with you as you walked along the trail. At night the bubble got even smaller, even with lights. For a vampire, there was no night, no bubble. Our vision seemed to extend into the invisible spectrum, acting as built-in night vision goggles. And our sensitive hearing used the ambient sounds like a bat's echo location, drawing a rough contour map in our heads so we could always tell where we were.

The different smells of the forest also reached out to me. My human memories of the forest only involved pine and damp earth. Now I could almost taste the various flavors of the different trees and plants we passed. Predominant was pine and spruce, but the musty odor of ferns hovered in moister areas, while meadow grasses and herbs filled the air in drier habitats. Faint animal smells also distracted me, as we crossed paths with game trails.

When we eventually came to a stop on a ridge overlooking a forested valley, the predawn sun was starting to lighten the gloomy clouds in the distance. A stream snaked through the center of the valley leading downstream towards the west. It was far enough away from populated areas that we could hunt safely.

"What now?" I asked.

"Remember when I told you we give ourselves over to our senses?" Edward asked. "Reach out with them now. What do you hear? What do you smell? You can even taste the wind with your tongue."

I closed my eyes and tried. My expanded brain seemed to pull in sensations from all directions. I could hear the rush of the stream over the rocks and on the other side, the whisper of the wind through the trees. The smell of wet green vegetation was all over, the floral scents of flowers and pollen mixed with the dank of composting matter. The wind shifted, bringing a scent from a copse of trees; a warmer smell, like from a barnyard. My nostrils twitched.

"Do you smell that, Bella?" Edward asked. I nodded. "Now follow me." He charged down the face of the ridge toward the copse. The scent was like a visual trail leading me on, getting stronger as we drew closer.

Suddenly there they were, a small herd of elk feeding in the shelter of the trees. Faster than they could break into a run, Edward was among them. His strike was as sleek and graceful as a leopard's, extended full-length as he flew through the air. Swift as an arrow, he grabbed one by the head as it tried to bolt, planted his feet and gave a sharp twist. There was a dull crack and it dropped to the ground. Emmett and Jasper also brought down an animal each. The rest of the herd fled, splashing across the river and heading for higher ground.

Edward turned to me. "Here, Bella," he said. "Your body knows what to do. You're thirsty. What does your body want?"

I could feel myself being drawn toward the still warm carcass of the animal, sense the warmth distributed in different areas of its body, smell the blood that filled it. The strongest, most appetizing scent came from…the arteries in its neck. I knelt and, with no effort, lifted the 700-pound elk and sank my teeth in. Fur, hide and sinew parted like butter. The blood filled my mouth and I drank greedily. It tasted a little…how to describe it? Rather green, I supposed, and definitely range fed. It still tasted a little off. Like the black-tailed deer blood, it wasn't quite what I wanted, but it was warm and wet and helped ease my thirst.

Part of my mind, more human than the rest of me, wondered at how macabre I must look – crouched over a dead animal, lips stained and dripping with blood – while the rest of me thought nothing of it, and continued draining the elk as if I had been doing it all my life. All too soon, I drew on the open wound and got nothing; it was empty. The fire in my throat was muted but I still wanted more.

I dropped the carcass and got up to track the herd down, when the wind brought a new scent to us. It was warmer, buttery almost, and much more appealing than the elk. Without knowing that I did it, I started following the scent on the wind, moving quickly through the copse of trees until I found the source of it – a mountain lion that had been stalking the elk herd when we had interrupted its hunt.

The lion snarled when it saw me and I snarled back. Without thinking I lunged, and at that same moment I heard Edward's shout behind me. That darn ease of distraction took over and I tried to stop at the same time I launched. The result was a half-leap that came to a sliding stop on three points – one foot under me, the other trailing behind and my indestructible hand sledding across the grass – right in front of the puma. It didn't hesitate and lashed out with its claws, catching me on the shoulder and down my arm. An ear-piercing shriek rent the air as the claws grated on my skin. Off-balance, I did the first thing I could think of and punched it in the chest. With a sickening crunch, the lion collapsed in front of me, its chest caved in.

The lion wasn't dead yet. Its eyes were closed but its flanks still heaved as it tried to breathe. Not wanting it to suffer, I grabbed the cat's head and broke its neck. It twitched a couple times and then was still.

"Well done, dear," Edward said quietly as he drew closer. He was a little wide-eyed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He blinked and shook his head. "Sorry, old habits. I've been watching over you for so long I was going a little crazy watching you fight a lion by yourself."

"Oh." With the excitement ebbing, I paused to take stock. A mountain lion lay dead at my feet and I, a city girl who had never raised a weapon or hunted in my life, had killed it with my bare hands. My flannel shirt was shredded from shoulder to elbow where the cat had clawed at me, but there wasn't a scratch on my diamond-hard skin.

"This is so weird," I muttered, but I guess I was still good with weird. I knelt, picked up the lion and began to feed. It was much better than the elk, the somewhat buttery flavor I had scented still noticeable in the blood, but it still wasn't quite right. Something was still missing.

Part way through, I glanced up at Edward. Remembering that mountain lion was his favorite, I stopped. "Want some?" I asked.

He blinked at me, surprised. "Don't mind if I do," he replied, but he still approached warily. He knelt next to me and we shared the rest of the lion.

I giggled at a thought, and he questioned me with a raised eyebrow. "Vampire picnic," I said, and giggled again.

Edward snorted and handed the lion back to me. "You finish it," he smirked. "Let's make sure you've had enough."

I made a face, a little miffed at his overprotective attitude, but took it back and eagerly finished it. It was much better than the elk, after all.

When I was done I stood and looked at the carcasses we were leaving behind. It reminded me of pictures I had seen of buffalo slaughters during the Old West days, when hunters massacred whole herds for their hides, leaving behind skinned carcasses rotting in the sun. "It seems like such a waste," I said, indicating the bodies. "I feel like we ought to eat the meat too, but now that I'm one of you the thought is just…eww."

Edward nodded. "That's why we try to spread our hunting around. It wouldn't do to cause a population explosion of herbivores because we've decimated the predators in one area. Nor do we want to impact the prey animals. A few carcasses here and there return nutrients to the scavengers and the decomposers. That way we're still part of the circle of life."

Emmett and Jasper trotted up to us. "Not bad, little sister," Emmett commented. "We're done. You guys?"

The edges of the overcast clouds to the east were lightening even more with the morning sun. We had been gone for several hours. "Let's go home," Edward said.

We took off running, roughly following the scent trail we had left coming out. The miles quickly sped by. Smirking, I flexed my newborn muscles and after a while stretched out a narrow lead over the boys. I was enjoying this newborn stuff – the strength, the speed, the enhanced senses. When I was human I had stumbled and fumbled my way through the forest like a lowly worm. Now I was a bird, a bolt in the sky, flashing and darting effortlessly through the trees. The power and freedom was intoxicating. It was as if I had stepped into the pages of a comic book.

I think we were about halfway home when the trail led over a ridge and into a river valley. As I crested the ridge, an updraft from the valley floor struck me in the face. The scent was intoxicating, warm and moist and succulent. Like my human memories of prime rib or filet mignon. It didn't matter that I'd already fed. Venom filled my mouth and the dry thirst burst into flame in my throat; I wanted it. All other sensations forgotten, my body switched instantly into hunting mode and I descended towards the river like a stooping falcon, homing in on the scent. I might have heard a shout behind me but I was gone.

The scent trail led down to the water's edge, where I found them. Two of them. Not wanting to let either get away, I increased my efforts, my peripheral vision became a blur. I struck as quickly as I could, dispatching each with a solid blow to the neck – crunch, crunch. They fell at my feet; I dropped down and prepared to feed.

Suddenly my hunting senses felt the approach of danger behind me and I whirled to face it, growling. Three of them. One of them ahead of the others, shouting. No. My kill. I screamed my rage and leaped. The first one opened its arms wide to catch me and I caught it first with a solid blow that knocked it flying back into some trees. I followed to finish it but the other two cut me off. One was huge with dark hair, the other tall with blonde hair. Scuttling back, outnumbered, I wanted to return to my kill but didn't want to turn my back. A groan from the first distracted me, and the big one knocked me to the ground. The other grabbed a leg, and I got a kick in before he got the other leg too.

A voice began speaking to me, but somehow it was wrong. It wasn't the angel. I didn't want to listen, and continued to struggle, kicking and squirming. After a while, not able to break free, I stopped in frustration, waiting to see what they would do, my chest heaving with my effort. I wasn't aware of the roaring in my ears until it started to ease. My vision cleared again to see Jasper holding my legs, a welt marking his face. I could feel Emmett straining to hold me before my muscles began to relax and I stopped struggling. But where was…

"Edward?" I looked around. Jasper let go with one arm and pointed into the trees. His face was grim. Emmett helped me up to a sitting position.

The trees rustled and Edward emerged, holding his ribs with a look of pain on his face. "Oh no!" I cried. I struggled to my feet, ran to his side and would have thrown my arms around him but he held me off, favoring his left side. "I'm sorry, Edward! How bad is it?"

"I'm fine," he said in a strained voice, but I knew he wasn't. I walked at his side, wanting to support him but afraid to touch him for fear of hurting him more. He was really injured this time. I had always thought of vampires as indestructible, and the image of Edward in this vulnerable state piled the guilt up higher.

"How is it?" Emmett asked.

"I'll be alright. Eventually." Edward's teeth were clenched against his pain. "But what are we going to do about that?" He pointed at the two bodies, and I looked.

Horror swept over me and I dropped to my knees, my hands over my mouth. I should have fainted but apparently this new body wasn't equipped for it. My chest and stomach heaved in what should be nausea or sobs but nothing came.

It was Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley.

I fell, face-forward onto my elbows and screamed into the ground. "Oh my god! This is gonna kill Mike's mom! Aaugh!" I continued to scream and beat the ground with my fists, clawing at the sand. Edward knelt next to me and put a hand on my back, but I was far too upset to acknowledge him.

It looked like they had come up for a day of fishing. There were two backpacks, a couple folding chairs and a cooler. Their lines were still in the water with the rods resting in rod-holders set into the sand. Except for the unnatural angle of their necks, there were no other marks on them. They could have been asleep, waiting for the fish to bite.

"She doesn't even fish! She doesn't even like the outdoors! What the hell is she doing here?" I cried.

"You know how she was," Edward replied. "They had just gotten back together, and she would do anything to impress Mike."

"What a lousy time to decide to be Annie Oakley," I said, bitterly. Edward continued to murmur comfortingly to me. No matter why they were here, it didn't take away from the fact that I had murdered two of my friends, and would have eaten them if Edward hadn't stopped me. On top of that, I had attacked Edward again, injuring him this time. I was a nightmare.

And yet this was the life I had chosen. This was what I was prepared to trade my life for, to walk away from my parents, my friends and my human existence. To be with Edward forever, that was the price I was willing to pay.

But I thought I would be the only one paying a price. Mike and Jessica had nothing to do with this. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when a newborn vampire was in the neighborhood. It wasn't right. Nobody else should have to pay for my choices.

Even worse, I had just broken the promise I had made to Sam that I would never kill anybody. The treaty was broken. If they discovered what I had done they had the right to start the war, to attack and drive us off. Edward and his family would pay the consequences for my actions.

I needed to get away. I needed to go somewhere far from my family and friends. No, I needed to go somewhere away from people in general. Not even an absolute stranger should give their life for my choice.

The thought of leaving Edward started a fresh wave of misery, but I took a shuddering breath and pushed it back. I didn't have time for that now. I really wished Jasper was still able to control me but that wasn't happening anymore. Would I even be able to do it? Would I have enough strength? I wasn't sure, but now it was time to deal with the crisis.

"I guess we better call someone," I said.

Edward and Jasper both shook their heads. "No, we can't," said Edward quietly. "We can't leave any trace that might point back to us."

"But...but we can't just leave them here!" I sputtered.

Edward looked at me sadly. "I'm afraid we have to. Right now, I don't sense anybody nearby. If it looks like anything other than an accident, it will raise questions. And if the family or the secret is exposed…well, the Volturi were planning to check on you at some time."

I absorbed that for a moment. Everything screamed at me to do the right thing. To call Charlie and tell him what had happened. If nothing else we ought to bury them, but even if they were never found, Mike and Jessica were not the kind of kids to just run off. The authorities might think there was a killer on the loose. I wasn't sure if they would be able to put the right two-and-two together but anything was possible. I was exposing my new family to possible discovery, if anybody were to tie the double killing to them. And to expose the family and alert the Volturi would be disastrous.

We would have to walk away and leave them like we had left the elk and lion carcasses for the scavengers. Later tonight Mr. and Mrs. Newton would wonder why Mike wasn't home yet, and Jessica's parents would wonder, too. They'd report their children missing, then sit and wait for news that they would not welcome. Guilt over the misery and pain that I had inflicted with my irresponsible choices threatened to rise up and drown me again. I couldn't bear it. Now that Jasper could no longer control my moods, Edward would have to stay with me night and day or I would go insane.

"Come, Bella," Edward said, and helped me to my feet. "We have a longer road ahead of us now. Emmett?" He raised an eyebrow at his brother. Emmett nodded.

I took one last look at the bodies of Mike and Jessica. Somehow they had fallen so that they were close together, their hands almost touching. My hand went to my mouth as another sob escaped me. I couldn't feel my feet, but I was still upright as Edward and Jasper turned me away and guided me back to our original trail. An idea of what Emmett would be doing came to mind but I pushed it away.

Though still fast by human standards we didn't run as fast as we had earlier; Edward's injury hampered his movement. His face was a combination of pain and concentration, and I could tell he was keeping a sharper lookout for people. With the slower pace and taking different routes at Edward's guidance, it took us till almost noon to get back home.

When we arrived at the river Alice was waiting for us on the other side, dancing from foot to foot in agitation. I wondered how we would get Edward across the river, but before I could say anything he sped up and bounded over it. Hurrying, I jumped after him. A grunt of pain escaped him when he landed and distracted me enough so I tumbled to the ground as I touched the river bank. I was unhurt and got up to help Edward but Alice was already there. Jasper crossed shortly after and landed almost noiselessly.

"I'm so sorry, Edward!" Alice cried. "I didn't see until it was too late."

"There was no way you could have seen it in time, Alice." Edward's voice was still strained. "I was totally at fault for not keeping a better lookout. Does Carlisle know?" Alice nodded. "Alright, let's get inside," he said. I must have been moving rather listlessly because Edward took my hand in his to lead me, the other still holding his ribs. With Alice and Jasper flanking us, we made our way to the house.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Thanks for reading. Hope you liked Bella's first day as a newborn. If you did (or if you didn't) please leave a review._


	10. Chapter 9: Pariah

_**A/N**: My sincere apologies for the long delay in updating. Many thanks to all of you readers who have added this story to favorites, put this story on alert, and special thanks to all of you who have reviewed. You guys are the best!_

_I'd like to thank **katmom** very much. [bows] Strong is she with the Beta Force._

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Ch. 9 Pariah<span>

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie were waiting for us in the living room. Esme sat on one of the couches, her brows drawn in concern. She held Carlisle's hand as he stood next to her. Rosalie sat opposite from Esme, her expression pure resignation. Before I could begin to blurt out what had happened, Esme rose quickly with her arms outstretched and wrapped me in a soft embrace. Apparently, Alice had already informed the family.

"Bella, you mustn't blame yourself," Esme murmured, after she released me. There was no blame in her eyes, but I couldn't help but begin to blubber.

"I'm sorry. It-it happened so fast," I stammered.

"It's all right, Bella," Carlisle spoke, voice soft with compassion. "It's unfortunate, but something that happens in our world."

There was no doubting the sincerity in Carlisle's words, but it was too much of a stretch for me to accept the deaths of my friends as an unavoidable, but forgivable, accident. "I'm sorry I'm so much trouble. I was having too much fun racing with the boys. I…I didn't even recognize them until after I–" I couldn't continue, and fumbled to a halt.

"It's my fault completely, Carlisle," Edward asserted. "We know how unpredictable newborns can be. I should have kept better control of the situation."

"We could all have been a little more responsible." Carlisle waved a hand, no rebuke in his voice. "But nothing can be done to change the past. The question now is how to deal with it."

"We also may have more to deal with than we first thought," Jasper added. "When we arrived at the spot where Bella first scented those humans and took off after them, I could only faintly smell the trail. Bella how strong would you say that scent was?"

I shuddered trying not to think of that succulent flavor. "Almost as strong as scenting you right now."

Edward's eyebrows rose as he took that in. "You were already sensitive to the smell of blood as a human. At least it doesn't make you ill anymore." His face looked odd with his brows still knitted in pain, and a wry smirk touching the corners of his mouth.

Carlisle pursed his lips, rubbing his chin. "So you're more sensitive to blood than the rest of us. We'll definitely have to be more careful with you."

"I took care of things," Emmett announced as he walked into the room. He sat down next to Rosalie and put his arm around her, his beefy biceps a sharp contrast to her slender shoulders.

Carlisle nodded. "Same procedure then. Alice will keep an eye open. Then we watch and see if there is any suspicion. But be prepared to move quickly, all right?" He cast his eyes around the family, and they all nodded. "Now let me take a look at Edward. It's not often I get to treat one of our own."

I looked at Jasper and Emmett. "Are you two okay?"

Emmett shrugged. "A little sore but okay. Why?"

"I was fighting with you, too. How come you're not hurt and Edward is?" My voice came out a little more accusing than I intended it. Thankfully, Emmett took no notice and shrugged his huge shoulders.

"Oh, Jasper and me have been fighting without Edward's advantages for a long time. We know how to take a punch. He can't hear you coming and he wasn't fighting with you anyway. Just trying to catch you."

Emmett's explanation didn't make me feel any better. The one person in the family I could easily injure was Edward, because I negated his early warning system.

Carlisle led us up to his office. For once, Carlisle's examining table would be used by someone other than me. I helped Edward up onto the table, and he seemed to need my help.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," Edward began. "I should have kept better watch. Or if I had kept Bella close to us, we might have been able to prevent it."

"I know, I know," Carlisle soothed. "Now where does it hurt?"

I helped Edward take off his shirt and lie down. He winced as the movement jostled his side. The first time I had ever seen an injury on a vampire was at the battle with Victoria and the newborns, and those had been full dismemberments. My new eyes zoomed in on the minute surfaces of Edward's skin, and I scanned his chest and ribs. The area below Edward's left pectoral muscle had a network of fissures like a spider web. As long as I had known him, he had been flawless in face and body. Now he had a welt on his face and the vampire equivalent of cracked ribs. And I had been the one to put them there. I ran my fingers over his ribs and a small noise escaped my lips. "I'm sorry, Edward," I said in a small voice.

"It's all right, love," he murmured. "You didn't know what you were doing."

"Nothing a little venom won't fix," Carlisle reassured me. "It may be a while before he plays baseball again. Our kind can heal, it just takes some time. But the injuries we can recover from would kill any human."

Edward glanced up at me. "Why don't you go change, Bella?"

"I want to stay with you."

"Your shirt is shredded," he insisted, freeing his hand and giving me a light push. "I'll be all right. I'll see you in a little while."

"Oh, okay." It felt like he had dismissed me, and I couldn't blame him. I was the only one who could hurt him. Everyone else he could hear coming. I looked at his face, marred from my earlier attack. His eyes were closed and his brow furrowed as Carlisle probed his injured side. I couldn't bear to hurt him again. Smoothing his hair from his face, I bent and kissed him. The corner of his mouth curved in a half smile.

I turned and left the room. At the top of the stairs, I stopped and looked out the expanse of windows at the surrounding forest. I should leave now and hide somewhere, far away from people. If I was so out of control I couldn't recognize my own husband, I couldn't be trusted with anyone.

Would I need to bring anything? I didn't feel the cold anymore. I could go back to the mountain top Edward and I had hidden on, and weather the same snowstorm without a problem now. It didn't matter; I didn't need any outdoor gear. All that mattered was that I should go away. Find a cave someplace, far away from my family so I couldn't hurt them. Far away from Edward.

I clenched my teeth and pushed the thought away as a wave of misery started to build. I would have to be stronger than the pain if I wanted to do the right thing. I didn't allow myself a backward glance, locked my eyes forward and started down the stairs, my chest convulsing as I tried to fight back the agony. My eyes should have been swimming with tears by now. I wrapped an arm around my torso and kept moving.

But I forgot about Alice. Why did I always forget about Alice? She was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, a gentle look in her eyes. "Bella, why do I see you sitting alone in a cave somewhere?"

"I…um…" I had nothing. I collapsed in a heap on one of the stairs and my eyes squeezed shut as the pain won. Covering my face with my hands, I tried to speak. "I…I have to go…" was all I managed to say before the lump in my throat made speaking impossible.

Alice sat down next to me and put an arm around me. I lay my head on her shoulder, chest heaving with tearless crying. Esme heard my blubbering and came over from the living room. She sat on my other side and laid a comforting hand on my back.

It took a while for me to calm down enough to speak. "Why do you have to go?" Alice asked me.

"I hurt Edward," I said brokenly and winced at a fresh surge of pain. "I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want to hurt anybody else."

"Your heart might be in the right place, but it's not really a good idea right now," Esme replied, her soft voice calm and soothing.

"Esme's right," Alice agreed. "If you come across another fisherman or a hiker, do you think you could stop yourself?"

Thinking back to what I remembered of the attack, from the moment that I scented human blood, there had been absolutely no hesitation – I had attacked instantly. What Jasper had said worried me. I was like a shark with a hyper-enhanced sense of smell, and would need to stay much further from civilization to keep from temptation. Even remembering the scent of human blood began to make my throat burn again. I swallowed and forced the thought away.

"No. I couldn't help myself. But that's why I need to go away. You're my family. I don't want to hurt anybody else," I repeated.

Alice patted my hand. "Don't worry, Bella, we have a better idea of what you're like now, and how to take care of you."

"But—"

"Hush," she stopped me. "Do you remember when we were practicing to fight the newborns? You watched me practice with Jasper, right?"

I nodded.

"Do you still think you could hurt me?"

I pursed my lips. She had a point there. Jasper was the family's most experienced fighter, and he couldn't lay a finger on her. I shook my head slowly.

"Trust me," she went on. "It will be better for you, and for the family, if you're here with us, instead of going off on your own."

"It will be fine, dear." Esme patted me on the back. "Why don't you go upstairs and take a shower. You're still dirty from tussling with the boys. You'll feel better."

Alice took me by the hand and helped me up. "Come on, Bella, let's get you cleaned up." Then she quietly called for Jasper. I wasn't sure what he could do to help now that he couldn't affect me, but I didn't say anything.

Back in the room I moved mechanically, going through the motions of showering. I shook out my ponytail and washed the dirt and leaves out of my hair. Leaning my head against the tile, I let the hot water cascade down, slowly warming my cold-blooded body. A hot shower usually soothed me when I was human. Not this time. When I was done I dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. I was clean but I still felt horrible, the guilt weighing on my conscience like an anchor chain.

I looked around the room. The bookshelves were still piled on the floor where I had knocked them down, and the broken desk reminded me of how destructive I was. Moving over to the wall, I started picking up the shelves and putting them back in their brackets. Two of the shelves were cracked and would have to be replaced. I was glad Edward had taken my suggestion to put his things away.

I sat down on the couch, knees up to my chest, my arms curled around my knees. I could hear breathing out in the hallway, and it had to be Jasper, keeping an eye on my mood while giving me some privacy.

I looked out at the surrounding forest, trying not to think, not wanting to close my eyes, because I would see Mike and Jessica's faces in my head. The woods outside were full of wildlife. Birds flitted from tree to tree. Squirrels were fairly common and I saw a deer cross the meadow, but nothing was distracting enough. Occasional thoughts of Mike, Jessica and their parents still rose, and a sob would convulse my chest as the guilt crested and broke over me. But I couldn't cry.

There was no going back. If there was any way for a vampire to return to being human, I was sure Edward would have found it, to be human for me. The future, which had once felt like a shining stairway to the stars now felt like a long black road that stretched forever into darkness. I had taken the last step and now was a monster forever, or until somebody destroyed me. Edward said he had killed many men. Evil men. But in my one foray into murder, I had established myself as a worse monster than he. I had killed two innocents. Rosalie had killed more, but she had the weight of justice on her side. If Edward was ashamed of me, I couldn't blame him. If he didn't want me anymore…but I shied away from that thought. It had been a long time since the hole in my chest had healed, and I would rather not go there just on speculation.

How quickly joy could turn into sadness. Was it just one week ago we were so happy on Isle Esme? And no more than hours ago I was ecstatic to finally be part of Edward's world, fast and strong, to be able to follow him and not be left behind. I suppose when I was human, the consequences of my actions weren't so catastrophic. What was the worst that I could do? If I got mad at someone and got in a fight, at most someone would nurse a black eye or a bloody nose. Now the consequences were far more dire.

When I was human, I could only see the positives of this life. Entering Edward's world was the only way I could be truly fulfilled. I dreamt of it, hungered for it, begged him for it. Only now did the full import sink in. Alice had once told me that part of being a Cullen was meticulous responsibility. Now I could understand; the price of shirking that responsibility was very high.

Part of me still wanted to run away. If Edward was unhappy with me, the cave was still there. Maybe I could do what Carlisle had done in the beginning, and just stay far away from civilization until I was fit to be around people again.

I heard a soft step behind me. "Bella? How are you feeling?" It was Alice. I didn't move, and didn't know what to say. She came to the couch and sat down next to me, gathering me into her arms. She stroked my hair and patted my back softly.

"I wish I could cry," I answered after a while. "I never thought I would miss that." Alice made soft shushing sounds while she soothed me. "I hurt so many people; I wish I wasn't born."

"There's no way you could have known, Bella. That's the nature of newborns, and you were just following your nature. We knew the risks, and should have been better prepared to take care of you."

"If I hadn't wanted this so badly, Mike and Jessica would still be alive," I said, brokenly. "At least when I was human the worst I could do was hurt their feelings."

Alice didn't reply and just kept holding me. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing anybody could say at the moment would make any difference. But I was glad for her company, otherwise I would probably still be having hysterics. We sat for a time; me staring unseeing at the forest. I wished I could be numb again, like when Edward had left me. But I didn't remember how I had done that.

After a while, Alice slowly let go and sat up. "I'm going to see how Edward is, okay?"

"Okay," I answered in a faint voice.

I heard Alice's footsteps stop next to Jasper, and though she whispered my ears easily picked up her words.

"How is she?"

"Extremely depressed," Jasper replied just as quietly. "I've tried everything I can, but I can't touch her anymore. The only thing I can do now is tell you how she's feeling."

I didn't feel offended that they were talking about me. It felt appropriate since I was sort of a patient. Now I really wished Jasper had been with me when Edward had left. I could have used his help. The pain when Edward left had been unbearable; the worst I had ever felt in my life. At the same time, it had given me a frame of reference. This pain wasn't as bad as that. But it wasn't good.

"Jasper? Why don't you come in and sit down. If you're going to stay with me it's silly for you to sit out in the hallway."

Jasper stepped through the doorway, carrying a book. "I didn't want you to feel I was babysitting you."

He was right about that. But the irritation I would have felt was overshadowed by the need to keep the family safe. Even though he could no longer control my mood, he could tell if I was going to go berserk again. "I could use the company," I sighed. "And it's safer for the family."

"You're family now, Bella. Family helps family," Jasper said, a small smile touching his lips.

I heard footsteps outside the door, and there was a quiet knock. "Bella?" It was Edward. He stepped softly into the room and walked over to the couch.

I lifted my face and tried to smile but couldn't. "How are your ribs?"

"A little stiff but I'll be fine. Come here, love." He eased down onto the couch and put his arm around my shoulders, gritting his teeth.

"Don't, you'll hurt yourself," I protested.

"I'm fine," he said, but his voice was a little clipped. He tried to pull me against his good side, but for once I didn't want his touch. He was so good and I was so awful. At first I held myself stiffly but he insisted. Finally, I gave in rather than let him hurt himself again. He settled his cheek against my hair, one hand patting my shoulder.

"I wish I could make you feel better," he said softly. Normally, his mere presence was enough to make me feel better, like a breath of fresh air for a drowning victim. But today there was too much negativity for even his influence to completely erase.

I couldn't meet his eyes and kept staring out the window. "I don't know how you can stand to look at me."

"That's easy," he said. "You're the loveliest girl in the world. Why wouldn't I want to look at you?"

Normally, the compliment would be enough to melt me against him. Today, it just seemed to twist the knife in deeper. "Because your wife is a psychotic murderer, that's why."

"Bella, you know nobody blames you for that."

"They should. And if they don't, then I do." A hint of bitterness crept into my voice again.

"You had no idea you would react to the scent of human blood that way." Edward's voice was still smooth and comforting. But it wasn't what I wanted. Wasn't what I deserved.

A flash of anger rose, bringing a sharp look to Jasper's face. I closed my eyes, trying to stay calm. "That doesn't excuse me for killing my friends. You call yourself a monster, but I'm worse. You never killed innocent people."

Edward sighed. "It's not your fault, Bella. There's no way you could have resisted the scent of human blood as an hours-old newborn. Especially with how sensitive you are to blood. Look at Jasper. He's been mature for longer than me, and he still couldn't resist you. If there's any fault here, it's mine. I never should have let you get ahead of us. Instead of racing with you, I should have made sure we moved carefully and stayed far away from any stray humans."

As I expected, Edward would take the blame on himself. "Stop blaming yourself. You're only making me feel worse." I said, dully. "I wanted you to change me so badly. All I could think of was the prize."

"What prize?"

Finally, I allowed myself to look at him. His face was filled with sadness. Sadness for me. It didn't belong there. "You. Life with you forever. That was the prize. And I got it." My voice turned acidic. "I just ignored all the risks that went with it."

Edward shook his head. "I can't see how you ignored the risks. You argued with me tooth and nail that you were willing to give up your humanity, your family, your friends, having children, everything. You weren't negligent at all."

It was my turn to shake my head. "Not the same thing. That was the price I was willing to pay. The risks aren't to me, but to everybody around me." I ran my fingers over Edward's injured ribs; I felt some kind of compress bandaged over his wound. I pulled my fingers away like they had been burned. I wasn't sure how much muscle control I had or how much pressure I could exert before I hurt him.

"I'm a danger to you and the family, because I can't control myself when I get mad. I'm a danger if I go on a killing spree and expose us. And I'm a danger to all the people who live in Forks." I put a hand over my eyes. "How long?"

"How long until you can control yourself?" he clarified.

Jasper answered for him. "It depends on the individual. It can be anywhere from six months to a year. It may be shorter for you. You are fairly normal when you're not upset."

"I just feel horrible right now," I said, and looked down at my hands. "It's really too bad we can't sleep. You could just sedate me for a year."

"We could, but that wouldn't be much fun," he said, and stroked my hair.

"It would be safer though."

We sat in silence for a time, looking out the window, Edward's hand continued caressing my shoulder. "Bella?"

"Mmm?"

His hand never wavered on my shoulder. "Do you like caves?"

I covered my face and turned away. "You heard," I mumbled.

"Yes, you weren't exactly quiet when you were talking to Alice."

"Do you think she's right?" I demanded.

"Certainly. We can't help you if we're not with you."

The conflicts over wanting to leave, and needing to stay to keep the public safe, but endangering my family at the same time boiled up into frustration. "I hate this!" I cried out. "I hate that when I get mad I can't control myself. It's like I'm not in my own body anymore and that stinks!"

"Eventually it will pass."

"Yeah, in a year! Meanwhile, it's just a matter of time before I hurt somebody again. I'm like a bomb, and you never know when I'm going to go off. That's why I should go! I don't deserve you. You deserve somebody who's not going to go crazy and kill you…" My voice broke, and I pulled away and buried my face in the couch, dry sobs wracking me.

Edward laid a gentle hand on my back. "Let me decide what my desserts should be. Long ago, I thought I didn't deserve you. If neither of us deserves each other, where does that leave us? Tell me something, love. Do you love me?"

With so much guilt, hate and disgust against myself filling me, I thought I wouldn't have enough room to feel anything else. I had to reach past them to feel it again, but it was still there. I still loved him. For the moment I felt relief that my love for him had been locked in with my transformation. Yet, it didn't fill me with the unspeakable joy that it once did. It was hard to take pleasure in something that had resulted in so much pain. Even so, it wasn't even a question.

I raised myself on an elbow and looked back at him. "I do," I replied, quietly. "I'm sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking. I just felt so bad I hurt you, I wanted to get as far from you as possible."

He gave me a sad smile. "And knowing how I feel about you, how is that going to help us?"

I hung my head. "I know. I just…" I fell silent, thinking of what I wanted. "I just need a little space is all. I don't trust myself not to hurt you. If we had a basement, I'd go live down there."

He didn't say anything, so I looked up. I saw the pain spread across his face, and felt the answering pain in my chest. "Do you…do you want me to leave?" he whispered.

"No...yes…I don't know," I mumbled, as all the conflicting thoughts and guilt rolled around my head and rendered me immobile with indecision. "I just don't want to hurt you anymore."

Edward blew out a breath. "Well…" he began, and I could see he was struggling with something. "As long as you're calm, you're fine," he finally said. "We just have to take care to see that you stay that way, all right?"

"I'll try, Edward. I'll try my hardest," I promised.

"And I will too."

For his sake, I would have to gain control over myself. Like a young werewolf, I was dangerous to be around. I could already see the parallels between myself and Sam, Edward and Emily. But if Jacob could learn to control himself for my sake, could I do any less for Edward?

I sat up as a new thought came to me. I hated it and it threatened to add another layer of sadness on top of everything else, but it made sense. It was safer. "Do you know what I think?"

"What?"

I kept my voice calm like I had practiced so often for Charlie. "It's time to say goodbye to Charlie and Renee."

Edward knew I wasn't talking about an interim goodbye. "You don't need to do that so soon."

"There's no sense waiting. More than anything, I want to call my mom right now and ask her what to do. I want to fly to Florida and crawl into her lap and bawl my eyes out. But what do I tell her? 'Mom, I just killed two of my friends because I'm a vampire. Can you make me feel better?'"

Edward frowned infinitesimally. "You're being overly dramatic. It could be possible to have some contact with them, once you've gained control over yourself."

"Why not? We could have Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family this year. That would be just great. They come over and I serve them up for dinner because I can't help myself!" My voice rose, dripping with self-loathing. It wasn't fair to lash out at him, but I couldn't help myself.

"Bella, you're upset right now." Edward's brow furrowed as he gazed down at me. "Do you really want to make a life-altering decision while you're not thinking rationally? You know that you would feel badly about hurting them. And then it would be too late. I admit that we will eventually need to cut ties with them. But you should wait a bit. Just like you tell me, you shouldn't make a decision while you're wallowing in it."

I considered it silently, different possibilities running through my mind. But there was no more doubt. If I couldn't control myself, Charlie and Renee could never see me again. They could never know about what I had become. Even if the Volturi never learned of their existence, the chance that I would bring my new world in contact with them was too great of a risk.

"It's too dangerous," I insisted. "No matter what it costs me, I should make a clean break for them." I said it without thinking. Edward turned his head away from me. Too late, I realized what that would mean to him.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered. "If anything, now I understand what you were trying to sacrifice for me."

After a moment, he sighed and turned back to kiss my hair, but his eyes were still sad. "Maybe one day, it won't bother me anymore."

"You know I forgive you."

"I know." He sighed again, the hurt still in his eyes.

I felt I should do something to try to dispel the rest of the anguish from him – kiss him or take his hand or something. I lifted a hand, but then dropped it back in my lap; I still couldn't bring myself to touch him. I had never felt like this before. Instead of thinking it through, I changed the subject. "So what happens now?"

Edward straightened his shoulders. "We wait. In a small town like Forks, bad news travels fast. So we're certain to hear something. Then we'll be able to tell if we need to leave or not. Emmett is very good. There shouldn't be anything that might throw suspicion on us. We'll know in a few days."

That would be a long few days. Actually, as I thought about it, this was the beginning of one really long day because the day would never end for me. No more waiting for the next day to present a better outlook. One day would blend into the night, would blend into the day and on and on. And I would have to experience every single second of it. That was another thing I never appreciated as a human; night time and sleep provided a period of closure. Time for the mind and body to recharge and restart for the coming day. Time to process any mental traumas suffered during the day. I just thought sleeping was time wasted that I could be spending with Edward. It was true. You never know what you have until it's gone.

After all the many months of hoping and enduring and surviving, I had what I wanted. I was a vampire. I was married to Edward and we had all of eternity stretching out before us. Fast and strong, I was also a bit more attractive than when I was human. And while I once thought that would be enough to be happy, now that I was here, it was painfully obvious it wasn't.

I was unstable and capable of incredible violence. The fear that I might attack Edward again made me want to leave him, but the thought of leaving threatened to send waves of agony through me. Edward had been the rock of my existence for so long, I thought all I needed was him and I could endure anything. Realizing that he wasn't enough scared the crap out of me. For once I had no idea where I wanted my life to go.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Again, thanks very much for sticking with me thus far. I hope you find this re-write to be realistic, as well as entertaining. Please leave a review if so inclined._


	11. Chapter 10: Exile

_**A/N**: My thanks to all for reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting and plain old, giving this fic a try. I appreciate you more than I can say._

_What would I do without _katmom_? Present you with a frowzy, un-beta'ed mess, that's what. I'd also like to thank _contentedtwicow_ for pre-reading. Any remaining errors are all mine. _kzintikiller_ and _corona_ on Twilight Lexicon helped with consulting on vampire healing, and I thank you as well._

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing in her sandbox. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Ch. 10 Exile<span>

My mind was roiling with thoughts and feelings. The realization that loving Edward and being with him did _not_ make everything bearable sent me reeling, and I started to hyperventilate. That seemed odd to me since I didn't need the air. I did need some time to get my feet back under me.

I took several deep breaths. While I was still very unhappy, the moping was not getting me anywhere. All of this was just too unfamiliar – living in a new room with a house full of people, all the myriad sensations whizzing through my brain and my mental processes splintering off to follow them – it all served to unnerve me and added to my emotional distress. Maybe doing something mindless and mundane, but familiar, might ground me and give my mind a chance to process.

"Edward." I picked a piece of lint from his collar. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I feel a little better now." I hated lying to him but I needed some time by myself to think.

Edward looked at me with a hint of surprise on his face. Then a hesitant smile touched his lips and he stroked my hair. "You feel better?"

I nodded, glad he couldn't hear my thoughts. "I'm not one-hundred percent, but I'm a little better."

"I'm so glad," he said with real relief in his voice.

I had been too distracted after my shower to properly deal with my hair, and tried futilely to smooth it with my hands, finally just pulling it all to one side and down my shoulder. Crying used to leave my face blotchy but that wouldn't be the case anymore. "So, what was the original plan going to be? If I hadn't…you know…" my voice trailed off.

Edward shushed me. "Try not to think about it, love." He gave me a reassuring squeeze. "It depended on how wild you were."

"What do you mean?"

"If we could take care of you here, we would stay. We still had a few years planned here. But if you proved to be too wild, we would leave."

"Oh." I thought for a moment. "So am I too wild?"

Edward kept his expression neutral. "Not _too_ wild," he answered carefully. "But we can't leave just now. If we leave suddenly, this close to an accident, that alone could raise suspicion."

"So we wait."

"We watch and we wait," Edward agreed.

I sat up and took in the state of Edward's clothes. His slacks were soiled with dirt and grass from our hunting trip. His shirt was stained with some of the venom-fluid that had seeped from his injury. I plucked at the stained area.

"I told you to change into something sturdier," I commented.

Edward's lip turned in a sardonic smile. "I don't usually wrestle with my food. I leave that to Emmett."

"Well, I'll have to take your clothes to the cleaners."

"No, I think I should do that for now," Edward said softly, trying not to offend me.

I shook my head. "Actually, if we're going to be waiting around, I kinda need something normal to do. I thought I'd help Esme around the house. Did you do your laundry from the trip yet?

"Not yet," Edward replied. "It's still in the hamper in the closet. We were a little busy the last couple days."

"Right. Well, I feel…okay enough." I looked over at Jasper.

Jasper took my measure, shrugged and nodded. "Not too bad."

"Okay, I'm going to do some laundry. I don't think I'll get in too much trouble doing that."

Edward and Jasper traded a look. "You don't need to do my laundry, Bella." Edward said, the cautious concern still in his eyes.

"Yes, I do. I can't just sit around while we wait to find out what's going to happen. I need something to do or I'll go nuts thinking about what I've done and want to run off again. Besides, you need to rest your ribs." I rose from the sofa and walked into the closet, where I found the laundry hamper. "Sorry about your shelves," I called.

Edward followed me into the closet. "It's no big deal," he said. "Can you help me with my shirt, love?"

I turned to him, a little hesitantly. He had the buttons undone, and was unbuttoning the cuffs. I drew in a breath involuntarily. "Um, sure."

I helped Edward shrug out of his shirt and he gritted his teeth as his torso flexed. His chiseled muscles rippled under his translucent skin, just as beautiful as always. But then I saw the bandages swathing his chest and winced. My hand rose, then stopped, my fingers hovering an inch away from the injured area.

"What did Carlisle do?" I wondered.

Looking down at his chest, Edward explained. "It's a venom poultice. Gauze soaked in venom, to bathe the wound. Given time, the venom in my body would heal the injury; this just helps speed the process."

"Oh."

His hands began to reach for me, and his foot started to shift forward. I knew what he wanted, but on some impulse, I turned away quickly and stuffed the shirt into the hamper, picking it up in one motion. I gave him a wan smile. "Do you need help with the pants, too?"

A look of surprise fell over Edward's face. "N-no, I can manage," he stuttered.

"Be done soon." I quickly left with the hamper.

The laundry room was on the lowest level of the house, down some stairs from the kitchen and next to the rec room. The washer and dryer stood along the wall to the left of the door, and a folding table was built into the wall opposite the door. Even in this room, a large window opened onto the verdant forest. The equipment was larger, more modern than what I was used to, and it took a moment for me to figure out how to operate them. I separated the darks from the whites and started one load of whites. As I worked, my thoughts ran wildly around my head.

What was wrong with me? Why did I feel this way? As unhappy as I was, I still felt the connection with Edward. I knew it as surely as the day he'd saved me at Port Angeles. But for once, I didn't want to touch him. Edward taking his shirt off had been, for him, an open invitation, and I had turned away! What changed? Ever since that day in biology class, after he said he cared for me, the touch of his hand was like a drug. During the entire class it had taken all my strength not to reach out, to cross the void between us and touch his arm or caress his face. I yearned for his touch, as he had yearned for my blood. Once we had crossed that threshold, his physical presence, his tactile communication was something I craved daily.

As I examined it, there seemed to be more than one reason. Part of it was the fear that I would hurt him. Being stronger than he was, and not completely able to control myself, that was a real risk. I tried to remember what I could about attacking him, but the images I recalled were rather detached, like my mind was no longer in control, but along for the ride. They were also hazy, like some of my human memories. Until I could understand what triggered the attacks and how to control it, I couldn't trust myself around him.

But there was a part that had nothing to do with the physical risk. Was it because of my new vampire body? When I had traded in my fragile, hormone-laden body, had I also given up the overwhelming, physical passion I felt for him? A brief panic flared up in me and I had to stop and think logically. The way the other family members acted with their partners; they seemed to be just as affectionate with each other as Edward and I once were. And the way my new body was even more sensitive to touch, smell and the other senses, lack of feeling couldn't explain it either. The cause seemed more ephemeral, and escaped my attempts to pin it down. No matter how hard I tried to figure it out, it slipped away.

"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration. Then lest frustration should lead to anger, I closed my eyes and started taking deep, slow breaths. It wouldn't do to destroy Esme's laundry room. I gave my head a shake and gave up. Maybe it would come later after I had more time to chew on it.

I checked the dryer, found a load of clothes already finished, so pulled them out and started folding them. From the size they might have been Edward's, Jasper's or Carlisle's. When I saw the "CC" monogram on one of the shirts I knew they were Carlisle's. I set the shirts aside for ironing later.

A light step on the laundry room stairs announced someone's arrival. I took several deep breaths to relax myself, then looked up to see Esme watching me from the doorway.

"Hi, Esme." I wasn't sure if I should refer to her as "mom" yet, so stuck with what I knew.

"I was wondering who was working down here," she replied, as she approached the pile of clean clothes I was sorting.

"I hope you don't mind. I needed to get back to something familiar. I don't need to cook anymore, so I thought I'd get our laundry done."

"That's quite all right, dear. Let me help you." Esme carried some of the shirts over to the ironing board and switched on the iron. "Are you feeling better?"

"A little," I hedged.

Esme searched my face for a moment. She took a shirt, shook it out and started spreading it on the board. "But you're still having trouble, aren't you?"

I nodded. She could read me so easily, it reminded me of Renee. I felt a little pang at the thought of my mother.

"Give yourself some time." Esme's gentle voice reached out soothingly. "You're only really a day-old in this life. It will take time for you to gain control over your new mind and body."

"I'm not sure if it's a matter of having enough time," I spoke sadly. "I…I killed…" I couldn't go on.

Esme pursed her lips. "Hush, dear," she said quietly, and patted me on the shoulder. "It will be all right."

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. Then another, pushing the unpleasant thoughts away and thinking of a blank wall. "I'm okay, Esme, really. I need to learn how to handle this sometime."

Esme watched while my breathing returned to normal. She checked the iron, picked it up and began to run it over Carlisle's shirt. "As I said, give yourself some time. It's not as if you have some kind of deadline to meet. I know you're still quite upset now. But there is one thing you can do to help with the adjustment."

"What's that?" I wondered. Anything that might help would be welcome.

"Right now, you're still thinking too human. While that is all you know, you're not human anymore, and that comes with some new realities."

"But, they were my friends–" I stammered.

"I know, and I sympathize. But at the risk of sounding callous, would it have been any better if they had been perfect strangers?"

I thought about it for a while. What if the faces were unknown to me? It could have been anybody that fate had thrown in front of my path. I vaguely remembered Jacob telling me of the hikers who had disappeared, killed by Victoria during her hunt for me. Though I didn't know their names, they still didn't deserve to die. I shook my head. "No, it wouldn't."

"If you had been born into another coven, the hunting of humans would be normal. Expected even. Nobody would fault you for it there, and while I know it saddens Carlisle, we understand how hard it is to resist. There have been accidents before, and there may be more accidents later. It truly is part of this life you've chosen. You may not wish to be a hunter of humans, but it is part of you."

"But we don't do that," I objected.

"No, we don't. We choose to deny that behavior, but it's part of our nature nonetheless. You will need to let go of some of that human thinking before you can adjust completely to this life."

I searched Esme's eyes of liquid gold. "Is that what helped you?"

Esme nodded, thoughtfully. "Do you believe I'm capable of killing?"

I shook my head. "You're so gentle, and you care so much for people, it just doesn't seem possible."

She smiled at my naïve assumption. "You're still thinking human. I'll be the first to tell you that I didn't have Carlisle or Edward's strength of will when I was newborn." Esme paused to shake out a pair of slacks, before continuing.

"It was one of the neighbors, near where we were living at the time. I didn't know who it was because I was still new to living in Carlisle's household. Once the madness and the thirst subsided, I felt remorse just like you do now. It took some time, and Carlisle's patient care, for me to realize that this was part of who I was now; this is what we must do to survive. I could no more blame myself than blame a wolf for killing and eating a lamb. It's still part of the natural way of things, only a part that I had never seen before. But now, because of Carlisle's way, I have no reason to feel remorse over the way I live."

Think of myself as a predator? Right off, that didn't sound right to me. All my human life, I'd tried to blend in. I never got in fights, never was the aggressor even in social situations. But obviously, my new body had other ideas.

"How do we stop from attacking somebody?" I wondered.

Esme sighed. "I didn't say it's easy. When we scent blood, the hunting instinct takes over. It's like the most delectable meal you've ever smelled is waiting for you on the table, but you must not give in – you must keep yourself from reaching out and taking it. Time helps because your body will settle down and not need to drink so much. I dare say you've probably never felt anything this intense in your human life, and until you're used to that feeling it will be hard to control.

"It also helps if you think about who they are; they're people, with families and friends, brothers and sisters. If you strike, someone's father does not come home. If you give in, a family loses a child. They're not simply cattle sitting in a feedlot.

"All of us have struggled with this, and except for Carlisle, continue to struggle. One day, you too, will be able to resist. It will take time, and you won't be able to go among humans for a while. But for now, for your own well-being, you have to be able to forgive yourself, and that means letting go of some of those human sentiments."

I felt dejected at the thought of it. Eighteen years of thinking and habits wasn't something that could be discarded overnight. Since those sentiments were part of what I considered my humanity, I didn't even know if I wanted to lose any of it. "It's not going to be easy."

Esme put down the iron, approached me slowly, and wrapped me in a hug. Not trusting my control, I kept my arms at my sides and let myself be gathered in. "Be patient. Give your mind and body time to adjust to each other. That's the best you can do for yourself. Remember, we'll be here to help you."

"Thanks, Esme," I said with a sigh. I was so lucky. In some stories I had read, some brides had to wait for years before they were finally accepted by their mother-in-law, or were never accepted at all. Apparently Esme was sincere when she had said she already considered me part of the family when I was human.

Esme kissed me on the forehead. "Let's see about this laundry now, shall we?"

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We chatted easily as we folded and ironed the rest of the laundry. It was a good exercise in controlling my strength, and fortunately it was only an old pair of Edward's jeans that suffered from my lack of control. Esme laughed and said she had done the same thing herself. Once I began paying attention to what I was doing, I did much better.

I wondered where I would fit in the household. It was only a loose household in the traditional sense. All of the 'children' were essentially grown-up, and moved out on occasion. When they were all together, Esme fell easily into the role of mother for all of them. Housekeeping and chores were only necessary as far as keeping up appearances for the humans required. Technically, clothes were also for the sake of appearance since the weather didn't affect us, but a naked vampire was sure to draw attention.

I also didn't need to cook anymore, and while no master chef, I figured I was a half-decent cook. Part of me, a more human part, was disappointed that I'd never be able to make Edward happy in the same way I'd done for Charlie.

While we worked, night fell. We didn't need extra light to see, but the dim, ambient light made the colors look odd, so sorting socks was a challenge. As I turned on the lights we were interrupted by a call from Alice. "We have company coming!" she called to everyone in the house.

"Who is it?" I asked, not loudly as I knew she would hear. Edward and Carlisle's voices echoed my question.

"It's the wolf pack," Alice replied.

A shock ran through me. Would Jacob be with them? I hadn't thought about what I would say to him the next time I saw him, especially after my change. The first time he had found out I wanted to become a vampire, he reacted very badly. I couldn't imagine this would go any better.

I looked at Esme. "I don't know what to say to Jacob," I confessed.

Esme raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "Maybe you won't have to say anything."

Not likely, knowing Jacob. I didn't answer, and we put down our work and left the laundry room, walking upstairs. Looking down at myself, I realized I was still wearing a t-shirt and sweats. Breaking into a run, I dashed up to our room, passing the others on their way down the stairs. Edward raised an eyebrow as I passed him, and I blurted that I was going up to change. Once in the closet, I quickly undressed, then pulled on jeans and a light-grey, chambray shirt. I grabbed a hair tie and hurried downstairs to the main landing, where the rest of the family was congregating. Working quickly, I pulled my hair into a low pony-tail as I descended.

"What did you see?" Carlisle asked Alice.

Alice's brow was furrowed with worry. "Everybody in the family just disappeared. That could only mean one thing. The wolves are coming."

Carlisle's expression was not happy. "The last time everybody disappeared for you, we were coordinating to fight together. There's been no warning this time. Let's start shutting down the house and get ready to go. Can you see how long before we disappear?"

Alice scrunched her eyes closed, concentrating. "It's hard to say. Maybe about twenty minutes?"

"We don't have much time. Let's get started everybody!" he called.

Everybody separated for different parts of the house. Confused as to what I should be doing, I hesitated. Edward touched my shoulder. "Come with me, Bella," he said, then rushed up the stairs at vampire speed. I hurried to follow him. He didn't stop at our room, and continued upstairs to the attic.

I hadn't been up to the attic before; it was the one place in the house I hadn't entered while I was human. Now that I was here I stopped in surprise. It looked like some kind of command center. A number of computers and monitors stood on one table, and an array of radio equipment stood on another. A sophisticated looking printer and scanner stood on a stand in the corner. Emmett was already there.

Edward and Emmett began shutting down the equipment. While the computers were powering down, Edward handed me a file crate of papers. "We have to take the computers with personal information on them," he explained. "Anything that would have a trace of who we are, we can't leave behind. Take this out to the garage and come back for more."

"Okay." I turned to go. As I hurried down the stairs, I couldn't help but wonder at the way my body worked. I did get distracted and stumble on one flight of stairs, at a speed that would have guaranteed an accident once before, but my body took over and righted me again. When I got back to the attic, Edward handed me six flat screen computer monitors and followed me to the garage carrying two of the computers. The load was light and I could have carried much more, but that's all that could fit in my arms.

After we deposited our load in the garage and returned to the house, Edward froze on the front porch, his attitude one of listening.

"What is it?" I asked.

He looked at me, but called out, "Carlisle! Jacob Black is coming!" Then he flicked his head up the stairs indicating that I should follow. We rushed back inside and were met by Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and Esme.

"Jacob is coming, alone it seems," Edward said, his expression grave. "The wolves know."

Carlisle shook his head. "Esme, take the girls and keep getting things ready to go. Edward, Jasper, come with me. Emmett, stay out of sight. We don't want to antagonize him. But stay close." Emmett and Jasper nodded.

Edward turned to me and asked, "Bella, do you think it's a good idea for him to see you?"

I considered it for a moment, then shook my head. But I had to hear what he came to say, so I went into the living room, where I could see the driveway from an overlooking window. Emmett followed me in. Although night had fallen, the faint moonlight glowing through the patchy clouds gave more than enough light for us to see.

Edward opened the door. The men filed out onto the front porch in time to see Jacob's car pull up. They spread out loosely at the bottom of the stairs. Jake shut off his headlights and killed the ignition.

"Hello, Jacob," Carlisle called as Jacob got out of the Rabbit. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

I gripped the window sill and stared. It was the first time I had seen Jacob with vampire eyes. While he was still big, he seemed to have stopped growing. The same strong jaw, full lips, honest brow and animated eyes were still there, although drawn into a scowl now. But how could I have missed the almost feral cast that came from his face? He had not changed physically since his last visit, but there was nothing in him that I found attractive now. I suppose the others took no notice of this because they had always seen him this way.

"It's not good news, Doc," he said in a hard voice. "We found some fishermen."

"Fishermen?" The confusion in Carlisle's voice was flawless.

"Dead fishermen," Jacob folded his arms across his chest. "Two of Bella's friends. We think the big guy did it."

"Emmett didn't kill anybody," Edward said quietly. "What makes you think it was him?"

"We know all your scents, remember?" Jacob retorted. "We memorized all of you so we wouldn't make any mistakes when we fought the newborn army. Quil was on patrol today, and he found them. They looked like they'd been mauled by a bear and their gear was all torn up. But there were two vampire scents on them. One was his, and one we didn't recognize. Even your scents were in the area." Jacob pointed at Edward and Jasper. "If it was one of your crazy friends that did it, maybe Sam will let you slide. But the killer's got to go."

"If you already think one of us is guilty, why are you here telling us this, Jacob?" Carlisle asked.

"Because Bella is with you. The pack isn't too far behind me, and they're coming for blood. I came to get her out of here."

"I can take care of her." Edward's voice grew suddenly frosty.

Jacob shook his head. "If she's with you, she still could get mixed up in it. If she's with me, they won't touch her. Can't you do what's right for a change, bloodsucker?"

Edward's voice came in a low, deadly hiss. "Everything I've done has been for her sake. If you think for one minute I haven't tried to do what was right for Bella, you're blind as well as stupid, even for a dog. And to think I was starting to respect you for honoring her wishes!" He turned his head slightly toward Carlisle. "He's thinking if the pack kills me, it doesn't matter that we're married, and it clears the way for him! This is just another attempt to steal Bella away from me!"

"Is the pack really coming?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"He seems to think so," Edward said. "The last thing Jacob remembers Sam doing was to call the pack together after Quil told them that Emmett's scent was on the bodies."

Jacob's eyes narrowed, but he didn't start quivering. "I don't need my brothers' help to kill you. But I am thinking of Bella's safety. No matter what you say, the treaty's broken. When the pack gets here, they might not be able to stop if she's too close. I'm doing you a favor. Maybe you should get a head start, but let me get Bella out of here."

It wasn't right. I had brought this down on my family. Nobody should pay for my crimes but me. Maybe I could run down to La Push, and throw myself on Sam's mercies. If I was gone, then the pack wouldn't have any reason to attack the family. But if I was gone, Edward would… I couldn't finish the thought and sucked in several deep breaths to calm myself.

I looked down at Edward again, and his eyes were on Carlisle's face. I wondered what Carlisle was telling him. Then Edward turned toward the house. "Bella, could you come out here for a minute?" he called.

I started in surprise. What could he be up to? He was the one telling me to stay out of Jacob's sight. I glanced at Emmett and he shrugged. Mystified, I walked to the front door and opened it.

Jacob took one look at me and staggered, catching himself on the fender of his car before he could fall. His face went pale, then red, and his mouth worked like he was trying to speak but nothing was coming out.

"B…Bella?" he finally croaked.

"Hi, Jake," I said, and stepped through the doorway.

He had gone pale again. "No…no…no…you didn't…" he grated through clenched teeth.

I started down the steps toward him, walking between Edward and Carlisle. Edward laid a hand on my shoulder as I passed but didn't try to stop me. I halted a few feet from Jacob.

Now that I was closer I could see what the others meant by the smell. Where before he had smelled perfectly human to me – even attractively musky at close quarters – now I caught the odor of a very dirty, matted dog that had been out in the rain for too long. If I were human, it might make my eyes water. I fought back the urge to cover my nose with my hand.

"I'm still me, Jake." I tried to keep my voice level. "Just the outside is different."

"But you're one of _them_!" he agonized.

I sighed. "You knew I wanted this, Jacob. Why is it so much harder now?"

"Because that's it! You're done! You can't come back anymore!" His face showed his agony. As if I had stabbed him. As if I was holding him in a fire.

I spread my hands out, palms up. "I'm sorry, Jake, but I've wanted this ever since I first met him."

The passing breeze shifted, whiffling through my hair and into Jacob's face. His eyes widened in shock. "You killed them! That scent was you!"

The horror on his face struck me more than the accusation, and the guilt and shame rose up again. I dropped my arms, hugged them around my chest and lowered my eyes, not able to meet his gaze. It was just a matter of time before he figured that out. "Yeah, it was. Emmett had nothing to do with it; he just made it look like a bear attack."

Shock in Jacob's face shifted into anger, until it was snuffed by Jasper. "You see? I told you this was wrong! Now Sam has to kill you!"

"I know," I said, quiet and miserable. "If I hadn't wanted this so much, Mike and Jessica would still be alive. It happened so fast I didn't even recognize them until after I killed them."

Edward spoke in my defense. "She didn't know what she was doing. And she seems to be more sensitive than the rest of the family to blood. Once she caught the scent, the instinct was just too strong to resist."

"And that makes it okay?" Jacob yelled and his face contorted with rage. "You did this to her!" With that shout still echoing in the air he phased and leaped at Edward, brushing past me. Edward twisted aside, making Jacob miss, but he grimaced as the pain in his ribs flared. Jacob recovered and struck again, this time making contact. Edward flew backward and fell to the ground. Jacob closed in, jaws gaping, fangs bared.

The anger roared up instantly in me. "Stop it, Jake!" I screamed and lunged. Someone was in my way and I shoved them aside. Grabbing a hind leg with both hands, I heaved, throwing the horse-sized animal down the driveway. The wolf twisted in midair and landed, scrabbling, on his feet. With a snarl, he charged back. I jumped to meet him, but he was too fast and the giant wolf exploded into my face. Falling onto my back, the wolf's paws landed on either side of my head. It stood over me for a moment, slavering jaws open, but they held there, frozen. I didn't ask why and kicked. My foot caught the beast in the belly, throwing it over my head. I scrambled to my feet, looking around for it. The wolf lay, panting on the ground, close to the porch.

"Stop her!" someone shouted. "She'll hate herself if she kills him! Emmett!"

I heard a rush of air and something tackled me to the ground. Then something else grabbed my legs. I snarled and squirmed around, trying to get at them. But before I could work myself free, the angel's voice began speaking in my head again. And like the outgoing tide, the anger ebbed. Slowly, my vision cleared, and the roaring faded from my ears. Edward sat on the stairs, looking at me intently as he talked me down.

"Why should I stop Bella?" Jasper asked, incredulous. He was holding my legs. "Why not him?"

"He wasn't going to kill her," Edward answered, his expression equally amazed.

The russet wolf lay on his side, flanks moving as he panted. Then he got up and shook himself.

Still pinned by Emmett and Jasper, I looked back at Edward. "Edward, are you okay?" He nodded as he got up and brushed himself off. "Jake, are you okay?" I called to him.

The wolf growled, and cast a baleful eye at me.

"It's too late, my brothers are here," Edward said, translating for Jacob's thoughts. We looked up and there they were, ranged along the bank on the other side of the river. Edward's eyes sought out the gigantic black wolf. "Sam's telling Jacob to get back to the pack, he's too exposed here. He'll be dead before they can cross the river to kill us."

Jacob snarled his defiance, an ugly sound that ripped through his fangs. His tone and the surprise on Edward's face needed no translation. Sam answered in kind and the barking and snarling of the two wolves echoed off the side of the house.

"What are they saying?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"They're arguing over Bella. Jacob's refusing to help kill her. He's saying they'll have to kill him first."

"No, Jake!" I shouted. "What are you doing?"

Jacob turned his head and whuffed. "Fighting for you," Edward replied.

Suddenly, a bolt of tawny fur shot across the river and skidded to a stop by Jacob. It was Seth. He growled and barked at the rest of the pack.

"I won't help kill them either!" Edward spoke for Seth.

A horrifying snarl came from Sam. Seth and Jacob's legs folded under them, and they fell to the ground, belly and muzzle on the earth, whimpering in subservience. The command of an alpha could not be disobeyed. I glanced worriedly at Edward, who was closest to Jacob. If Jacob and Seth were about to follow orders and attack, Edward would be the first to fall.

"Edward! Get back!" I yelled.

A low growl seemed to confirm my fears, but Seth was still prostrate on the grass. Jacob's fangs were bared as he strained to raise his head, growling deep in his chest. Then slowly, painfully, legs and body quivering with the strain as if the command held him down with physical weight, he forced his haunches up. His growling grew louder as he gathered his quaking forelegs under him, and laboriously pushed his shoulders up. Only his head and tail remained hanging down, every inch of his body shaking with the effort. Then with a roar, he straightened, stood and glared at Sam, rebellion radiating from every single hair.

From where I stood, I could see Sam's eyes widen in shock. Then he voiced a string of snarls and charged across the river. Jacob's muscles bunched under his pelt and he launched himself to meet Sam's charge. Emmett picked me up and carried me back to the porch, followed by Jasper. Edward ran to join us. We should all have been running, taking advantage of the diversion Jacob had given us, but we were mesmerized by the titanic struggle taking place on the banks of the river.

The two huge wolves spun and reared on their hind legs, paws flailing, jaws wide. The ferocity I had seen when Jacob and Paul fought paled in comparison. Sam was the more powerful wolf, but Jacob was faster. At one point Sam succeeded in pushing Jacob down but Jacob squirmed free before Sam could close on him with slashing fangs. The whirling melee of fur, claws and thrashing tails made it difficult to see if either had been touched, though occasional yelps spoke of blood being drawn. The barking, growling and snarling of the two titans filled the clearing. I looked up for a moment and saw the rest of the pack was standing motionless on the other side of the river, watching. Seth stood well back from the combatants, also watching. None would interfere with a battle for supremacy.

A sudden yelp reclaimed my attention. Blood streamed from a gash on the hindquarters of the black wolf, the leg shaky under his weight. Then the russet wolf charged and the leg collapsed, the black wolf falling back. Jacob pinned the larger wolf to the ground, jaws around his throat. A muffled growl came from Jacob around his mouthful, and Sam answered with a submissive whine. Jacob released his hold, but stood growling over the vanquished former alpha. Both wolves were bleeding from slashes on legs, neck and flanks. Sam got up slowly, and limped backwards, head down, tail between his legs.

"I speak for the pack now," Edward was translating again. "Go back home and we'll talk when I get back."

Sam turned and hobbled back toward the river. Although he limped I could see that the bleeding from his wounds was slowing except for the last one. They would probably be unnoticeable by the time they got back to La Push. One by one, the other wolves withdrew into the forest.

Seth ambled up to Edward, who raised a closed fist. Seth bumped his nose to it and woofed.

"Good to see you, too," Edward said. "And thanks for sticking up for us."

Seth shook himself, almost like a human shrug, then turned to follow the rest of the pack.

"See you later."

Jacob waited until Seth disappeared from view across the river. Then he also limped into some bushes out of sight. When he returned he had phased back into human form. The bleeding from his injuries was also lessening.

"Why, Jacob?" I asked.

A weary look crossed Jacob's face. Bloody and disheveled, he looked like he might be forty right now. "I can't kill you, Bells. I hate that you chose this life. You stink and your eyes creep me out, but I still can't do it. If I can't, I'm not going to let them do it either."

"But you never wanted to be the chief," I said, marveling at what he had done for me.

The bitter, ironic mask was on his face again. "I know. Life's a bitch, isn't it?" The mask fell for a moment. "Only you could make me do this, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I said, softly. "And thank you."

"Huh, don't thank me," Jacob rumbled. "This isn't over yet. That's what Sam was thinking as they left; I shouldn't be defending a murderer. If I can't convince them to lay off, they'll be back. And if they do, then I won't be able to stop them again."

"Can't you order them not to?"

"I could, but if I can break free from the pack, maybe Sam could, since he's been alpha, too. Then all the orders in the world won't do any good." Jacob scratched his head for a moment. "You know, maybe it would be a good idea for you all to skip town for a while."

"No, Jake!" I exclaimed. "I'm the one who broke the rules. I should be the only one who has to pay, not the family."

Carlisle spoke. "At the risk of asking for favors, we do need to keep a low profile. For the whole family to leave on the heels of a mysterious death would raise suspicion. If possible, we'd like to let things die down before we leave. Once it's safe we'll go. We were planning to leave in a few years anyway."

"Yeah, but think of Charlie," Jacob said. "Bella, if you couldn't recognize your friends, would you be able to stop if you came across him when he was fishing?"

I shuddered as I considered that. The speed at which I had shifted into hunting mode had left no time for rational thought. "How about if I leave?" I proposed. "The rest of the family are still the same ones that kept the treaty with you all these years. Once I'm gone then you can convince the pack that it's still safe."

"Maybe," Jacob said dubiously.

Edward touched my shoulder. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked. Edward's golden eyes held no censure, only gentle concern.

I nodded. "It's the only way for the family to live in peace."

"I'll come with you, then." Before I could protest, Edward faced Jacob. "Is she allowed to return once she has control of herself?" he asked.

Jacob looked doubtful. "I guess. But she'd have to prove it somehow, in case the tribe doesn't take my word."

"That would be fair," Edward agreed.

Jacob turned back to me. "So, what are you going to tell Charlie?"

I grimaced. "I don't know yet. I would have had a few years away at school. I should be able to come up with something."

Jacob grunted and shook his head in disapproval. "Anyway, I better get going. I'll need to tell them what's going on."

"Thank you, Jacob." Carlisle raised his right hand in gratitude.

"I didn't do it for you," Jacob growled. He sighed and turned a sad face to me. "Bye, Bells. It's been fun."

I was going to go into exile, and didn't know if I would ever see him again. My first impulse was to hug him goodbye, but I held back. For one thing, Edward was standing right next to me. And now that I stank to Jacob, he wouldn't like that very much. I asked him a different question. "Were you really going to take me away?" I asked.

His lips twisted at the thought. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter anymore." He looked into my eyes. It seemed the depths of pain in his eyes went on forever. "Hope you're happy, Bella."

At this moment, I wasn't sure how to answer that. But the best I could do was to wish him well. "Hope you'll be happy, too."

"Sure, sure." He unwillingly slid his eyes away from me, turned and got stiffly into his Rabbit.

"Bye, Jake." I waved.

He didn't answer, and gazed at me through the windshield as he started the car. The look on his face brought back the yearning to comfort him, to erase the haunted pain in his eyes. But now that I was beyond his reach, that was something I could never do again. I was only vaguely aware of Edward's comforting arms around me as I watched Jacob drive away.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Thanks very much for reading, I'd love to hear what you think. Press the button, it's calling yoouuu... :)_


	12. Chapter 11: Leaving

_**A/N**:Thanks everyone for the kind reviews, alerts and favorites! You make this endeavor so worth while!_

_I'd like to send a big hug to _katmom_, for wielding her beta magic, and another big hug to _contentedtwicow_, for pre-reading. I couldn't do this without you ladies! MWAH!  
><em>

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just happy she lets us play in her playground. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Ch. 11 – Leaving<span>

After Jacob's car disappeared down the driveway and into the forest, a touch of irritation leaked through the sadness, and I confronted Edward. "Why did you ask me to come outside?" I asked. "You knew Jacob wasn't going to take this well." I indicated my immortal body with a sweep of my hand.

Edward's expression was guarded. "I do know, love, but we were desperate."

"Desperate?" Surprise lifted my voice a few notches. Edward and Carlisle had been fairly calm while talking to Jacob. But as I thought of it, it was true; Carlisle had been very agitated when he ordered us to shut down the house.

"Yes," Edward answered. "Alice got almost no warning that the wolves were attacking. By the time I heard Jacob's voice, they were too close. We couldn't have gotten away without fighting."

A cold feeling touched the back of my neck at the thought of vampires fighting wolves. Jacob had said killing the newborns was easy, before Leah had distracted him and he got hurt. Laurent had also been an easy kill. Would we have been easy for them, too?

"What about talking to Sam?" I asked.

Edward shook his head. "You saw him. He was dead set against letting you go, once he found out you had killed them. We were hoping, judging from the way Jacob still felt about you, that he would be willing to intercede with Sam on your behalf."

Anger bubbled up in my head, and I had to take a moment to control it. I took a few breaths and counted for a while. It irritated me, but I needed to be able to talk without flying into a rage, and I didn't have too much control in me right now. It took everything I had not to blurt out my first thought over Jacob's welfare, since I'd promised myself not to let Edward see that side of me again.

"That wasn't very nice," I finally said in a controlled voice. "You used him, and he got hurt."

My comment caught Edward by surprise, and his brow furrowed as he looked at me. But Carlisle spoke first.

"Bella, we had no idea Jacob or Sam would react the way they did. We hoped that Jacob would still be on your side, but that was all. If he wasn't willing to speak for you, we would try to negotiate with Sam. But if that didn't work, all that was left was to fight, and possibly die."

"Bella." Jasper's voice was uncharacteristically harsh, and caught my attention. His eyes bored intently into mine. "You have to remember you're not in the same world anymore. If you want to survive, you don't always have the luxury to be considerate. Do _you_ want anything to happen to Alice? Or Edward?"

Immediately chastened, I cast my eyes down, unable to meet Jasper's gaze. I shook my head in answer, my hair falling forward and thankfully hiding me from his glare.

Edward reached for my hands but I balked, holding them stiffly in fists. He put his hands on my shoulders instead. "Bella, please believe me. I had no idea things would spiral out of control the way they did. This is the first time we've seen the wolves behave this way. The instant Jacob defied Sam, they had no choice but to fight; there can be only one Alpha in the pack.

"I'll give Sam credit. He didn't come initially to destroy. He wasn't sure what he'd find when they got up here so brought the pack as backup. Jacob might have been overstating things a little. But when Sam heard from Jacob that you had killed them he also had no choice but to kill you. I only wanted Jacob to see you because I was sure he would still want to protect you. But before I could ask him, he attacked me and things went crazy from there."

That reminded me that Edward had winced in pain during the scuffle. "Did Jacob hurt you?" I asked, my eyes going to his chest area. The poultice was still taped to his chest, under his clothes, breaking up the normally smooth lines of his shirt.

"No, love," he answered. "I'm better, but it's still a little stiff. It pulls when I turn a certain way."

I breathed a mental sigh of relief. "That's good. But I wish you could have told me what you were up to."

Edward gave an acerbic smile. "There was no time, Bella. This is the first time the pack has actually launched an attack. We were lucky, incredibly lucky, that Jacob chose to defend you so forcefully, and Seth too."

Carlisle rubbed his forehead with his hand. "And now that I see how little advance warning we get regarding the wolf pack, I don't think we'll take the chance of waiting for them to make the first move the next time there's an incident."

I lowered my eyes again, took another breath or two and relaxed my hands. Edward's large hands gently took mine and his thumbs lightly began brushing over them. I still wasn't totally happy with how the last meeting with Jacob had ended. But Edward, Jasper and Carlisle were right; they had the safety of the family to think of. And to be honest, Jacob's wounds were superficial for a werewolf; they might even be already healed by now. Edward's voice broke me out of my musings.

"Bella? Have you thought about where you would go?"

"Oh!" I cried in dismay. I really had no clue where I would go. I had just spoken on the spur of the moment, trying to keep the peace for the family. Charlie and Renee's homes were out of the question. And without Edward's family, I was basically adrift. "I hadn't thought about that yet," I admitted.

"Would you mind a suggestion?" asked Edward.

"Sure."

"I'll take you up to Denali," Edward said. "It's less populated, there are large predators to hunt, and we have family. There are worse places to spend your newborn days."

I looked up through my lashes at him. "Are you sure? This is my fault. My problem."

"Your problems are my problems, love," he said earnestly, his eyes holding onto mine.

"I'll come, too." Jasper surprised me, and I began to protest but he held up a hand. "Who better to help take care of a newborn? Besides, family helps family, remember?"

I couldn't argue with that. "I guess we should go pack, then."

We headed back into the house, filing through the door one at a time. No sooner had we reached the stairs than we were interrupted by a shout from Emmett, who had returned to the house as soon as the wolves left.

"Bella? Edward? You might want to hear this."

I queried Edward with raised eyebrows. "Emmett's in the attic," he said, his expression carefully neutral, so I knew it couldn't be good.

Emmett had been upstairs before Jacob's arrival, and he returned to his post after Jacob left. When Edward and I reached the attic, I saw that Emmett had re-connected the police band radio scanner. The computers would need to be brought in from the garage later.

"It's Charlie," Emmett explained. "The Newtons and the Stanleys called him, and now he's organizing a search party."

"Oh no," I whimpered. I closed my eyes and took a breath, trying not to think about them. Edward's arm wrapped around my shoulders and his reassuring voice murmured in my ear.

I stood and listened to the occasional exchanges on the radio. From the sound of it, all the deputies had been called in, and a number of the local firefighters were joining the search as well. I wondered if Charlie had called Billy for his help as well. Billy would know exactly what was going on, and where to find the bodies. If not for Jacob's protection, I wasn't sure if Billy would feel obligated to inform Charlie. I suppose it would be hard to explain how they could prove that I had done it. They had as much of a secret to guard as we did.

Just then a quick spurt of static came out of the scanner followed by my father's voice talking to his deputy, Mark.

"Roger that, Mark; they said the kids went to Bogachiel to go fishing. There's a day use lot near park headquarters, so let's start there."

"10-4, Chief," came Mark's reply. "On my way."

The ache in my chest began to grow again. I missed my father and my mother, and it seemed like ages since I had last heard Charlie's voice. So near, and yet so far away. The sound of his voice on the radio filled me with longing for the times when I was a little girl visiting him. As little as I cared for Forks then, it was a simpler time. No worrying about killing people, or people coming to kill me. It seemed like an eon ago. And if I couldn't control myself, he might as well be light years away.

"Bella, are you all right?" Edward's voice interrupted my sad thoughts. He watched me with a worried expression.

I shook my head, closed my eyes and exhaled. Rather than stay to listen and mope about it, I decided to go back downstairs. If not tonight, maybe tomorrow they would find Mike's Suburban parked in the day-use lot. Then they would find Mike and Jessica, and I'd rather not hear about it when they did. Emmett could fill us in.

"I'm going to get my stuff together, and start packing," I said, with a quick but weary half-smile.

Edward eyed me for a moment and gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. "All right. I'll be down in a minute."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Back in our room, I had to change clothes yet again; my pants had dirt on them and the back of my shirt had torn when Jacob pushed me to the ground. Being immortal certainly seemed to take its toll on the wardrobe. Needing appropriate clothes for a road trip, I selected a fresh pair of jeans and a purple, pull-over sweater, followed by socks and sneakers.

Next, I began pulling out clothing from the closet. They were just props, but we had to wear something to blend in. What did they wear in Denali? Winter gear I supposed. I located all that I had, and it wasn't much – mostly jeans and sweaters, a couple hats and a scarf, and my old jacket. I would need to borrow something from Esme or Rosalie.

A knock at the bedroom door interrupted my packing. I stuck my head out of the closet and was surprised to see Edward just inside the door with our siblings behind him. Siblings. Yet another aspect of my new life.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I called our relatives in Denali to let them know we're coming," Edward answered.

My puzzled look took in our brothers and sisters standing in back of him. "Did everybody talk to them?"

Edward started slowly, measuring his words. "Bella, I was planning to give you something, and it's not a gift since we agreed to it. I was going to wait for your birthday, but we're not going to be here, so I'd like to give it to you a little early."

The words "agreed to" piqued my curiosity and sidetracked my normal aversion to gifts. Edward had fulfilled all of the promises I could remember him making. We had gotten married and had a real honeymoon. He had enrolled us both at Dartmouth (although I couldn't see how I could physically attend this year). And he had followed through and changed me himself. What more could he want to give me?

"Is it a surprise?" I asked.

"Not if you don't want it to be," he said carefully. But I could tell from his tone and the look on Alice's face that they wanted it that way.

"Okay, surprise me." I was rewarded by Edward's crooked smile, a squeal and a hop from Alice, and smiles of approval from Emmett and Jasper. Even with the vampire vision, I almost missed the infinitesimal nod of Rosalie's glorious, golden head.

"Come on," he beckoned to me.

Alice insisted on covering my eyes with her hands, and I felt myself being led downstairs and outside. When I smelled motor oil and tires, I knew we were going to the garage. I realized then that it was the "after car". That wasn't really a surprise; Edward had promised to replace my truck once it had died.

With a moment of dread I wondered what it could be. The Mercedes Guardian had been a little over the top. Granted I was much more fragile then, but rocket launchers were in short supply in Forks. All of the family liked flashy cars so it might be something along those lines. I cringed mentally at the thought of driving a foreign sports car down to the local Thriftway. Memories of the gaggle of boys who drooled over Rosalie's BMW when she drove it to school, and the two car enthusiasts admiring the Guardian, floated through my head. Edward wouldn't do that to me again, would he?

They brought me to a stop. "Ready?" came Alice's voice. I nodded.

Alice dropped her hands. As expected, I was in front of a shrouded vehicle in the back corner of the garage. Edward nudged me forward and waved a hand at the car.

"Go ahead and open it. It's from all of us," Edward said with a grin.

I untied the cords securing the sheet. A single pull and the sheet slithered off with a silky rustle revealing...a deep, sapphire-blue, Toyota sport pick-up truck. The insignia said "Tacoma" and I thought that was appropriate considering where we lived. It wasn't a jacked-up monster like Emmett's jeep. In fact if you parked them side by side this one was sleek. It had lines.

It had a double-cab for passengers, and a bed cover. The bed was smaller than my old truck, but I could still fit my bike if I took the bed cover off and left the tailgate down. I peeked in the open windows and inhaled the rich scent of the black, leather upholstery with silver piping. There was room for five including the driver.

Best of all, the hood had a very subtle image of a swan painted in a lighter hue of blue – almost exactly like the silver broach my mother had given me, ready to swoop off the metal and take flight.

I put my hands to my cheeks as a small bubble of pleasure lightened the depression that had fallen since I had heard Charlie on the radio. I wasn't a car buff, but the more I saw of it, the more I liked. A hint of a smile tugged on the corner of my mouth.

"It's from everybody?" I asked.

"I know you loved your truck, so that was my idea," Edward said, an impish grin spreading across his face. "Emmett and Jasper wanted to get you a fire-engine red Ferrari. They were very enthusiastic about it, but I didn't think you'd like that. This is more sensible."

I shuddered. "A Ferrari in Forks? Why don't you just strap a big, neon sign to my back?" I grumbled to Emmett.

"Told you." Alice smirked and wrinkled her nose at Emmett and Jasper.

"Aw, we've never had a Ferrari in the family before," Emmett complained.

"I'll save up and get you one," Rosalie said, and poked Emmett in the ribs, causing him to squirm.

"The paint job and interior are from Alice," Edward went on. "The sound system is from Emmett and Jasper. And what's under the hood." He laid a hand on the right quarter-panel and grinned. "That's from Rosalie. Now you'll finally be able to drive above fifty-five. In fact, try not to get too many tickets."

I looked at my brothers and sisters in wonder. Growing up an only child, I was ill-prepared for the experience of suddenly having siblings. It felt wonderful but at the same time, their love and generosity began to overwhelm me. I had done nothing to deserve it and had in fact done more to put them in jeopardy than anything else.

And Edward really understood me. The lengths to which he went to make me happy still astounded me. How could I ever hope to be worthy of them all? A lump began to form in my throat, and I dropped my face into my hands.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward was alarmed. "If you don't like it, we can take it back."

"It's not that," I said, my voice breaking. "I love it. It's beautiful. But I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone much better than me."

"Sshh!" Edward and Alice both cut me off at the same time. Edward gathered me into his arms. "Enough of that. Don't think about what you do or don't deserve. You need a vehicle and we need something to go to Alaska. This has more cargo space. End of story."

The concern in Edward's face added to my feelings and threatened to drown me. My arms started to rise automatically, then I remembered the newborn who had almost crushed Jacob to death. I fluttered my hands and clasped them tightly behind my back. "Thank you, Edward," I said. "Thank you, everybody. You guys are the best. I hope I can do something for you some day."

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. "You're family, Bella. We don't keep accounts."

"That's right," Edward said as he gently took my hand and began to lead me back to the house. "Anyway, we'd better finish packing."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Back in our room, I headed for the corner of the closet where Edward had stored our suitcases.

"Bella, may I ask you something?"

Edward's question surprised me, and I turned around to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. He patted the bedspread next to him. Curious, I came over and sat down.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Edward looked down for a moment, then reached out for my hands. He looked up through his lashes at me. "Do you trust my judgment?"

I wondered where he was going with this. "It depends on what it is," I said out of habit.

"It seems that you still don't trust my decision on who I should be with." He calmly began making little designs on the back of my hand with his fingers.

"What do you mean?" I was still confused.

"You keep saying that you don't deserve me. That rather implies that I've chosen incorrectly, doesn't it?"

Flustered, I blew out a breath. So that was what he meant. "You know how I feel about gifts. No, it's just that you're so good and kind and loving. And with what I've done…" I trailed off and shook my head, the curtain of my hair twitching with my movements.

Edward fell silent, still gently stroking my hand. Then he pursed his lips and raised his eyes to mine. "You still don't see yourself clearly. From the very beginning, you've always considered yourself the lesser of the two of us. At first it was because you were human, and you thought maybe if you were like me, you would be more worthy." He slowly raised his hand to brush my hair aside and caress my cheek. "Have you looked in the mirror lately, love? I think you're a vampire now. When will you allow yourself to feel worthy?"

He was right as usual. When he left me, I had thought it was because I was human. He was so godlike in appearance, a genius in intellect, so talented in so many ways there was no way I could live up to that.

I hesitated with my words, working them out as I went. "When I look at…who I am and the things I've done… I don't feel very good about it. I do feel better about… what I am now. I don't feel small and weak anymore. I feel better that a stupid accident won't take me away from you.

"But it's more than what I am or what you are. If you were human and still thought and acted the same way you do now, you'd still be the most wonderful man I've ever met. When I thought the werewolves were killing people, I told Jacob it wasn't what he was, but what he did that bothered me.

"So, it's not what I am, but what I've done. And now…I'm more of a monster than you thought you were. I can't feel good about that. How can _that_," I spat out the word, "be worthy of you?"

Edward's expression was not happy as he absorbed that. "Truly, no one in the family blames you. It depends on if you are willing to forgive yourself. You said the same thing to me before." He stopped and took a breath, then another.

"You _are_ loving and kind. Loving enough to see beyond outward appearances and love a monster like me. Kind enough that I can see this is tearing you apart. And if we're both monsters then that makes us equals, doesn't it?

"Maybe this is still too soon. But do you remember your mother telling you not to spend so much time regretting things? This would be one of those things. Not this soon I know, but one day, you'll need to let it go. Maybe you won't want to hear this now, but you can't go back to change it. All you can do is to try and move forward and do better in the future.

"For now, I want you to know – whatever you need, I'll do. If you need comfort, I'll be there. If you need space, I'll give you space. You are, and will always be, my number one priority."

The depths of the love he felt for me never ceased to amaze me. And before I became a monster, I might have felt incredibly happy to hear it. Now I felt a little sad.

I felt my forehead wrinkling into a frown. Even when I first discovered what he was, I had never considered Edward a monster. The feelings of horror just never materialized. The idea that he and I could be equals on even a negative level just...didn't make sense. A sigh escaped me. "Thank you, Edward, that's really sweet. But that doesn't exactly help in the feeling worthy department."

A puzzled, frustrated frown took over his pale features. "What would you have me do? I can't simply ignore your feelings."

"I don't think you could do that if you wanted to," I said, with a shake of my head. "Even when I two-timed you with Jacob and asked him to kiss me you were so completely understanding. I think that made me feel even more worthless."

"I…don't know what to say," he said, his brow furrowed with unhappiness. "Every fiber in my body wants to make you feel better, to make you happy again. And to help you feel worthy, if that's what you need."

He didn't know it, but his unconscious, unconditional love and thoughtfulness just widened the differences I felt between us. "I know what you're trying to say, and I really appreciate it. But maybe it's too soon just now. I don't have it in me to forgive myself yet."

The anguish in his eyes seemed to deepen for a moment. Now that his fears had been realized the guilt he felt over changing me and, in his eyes, damning my soul must be eating at him like an ulcer. I wanted to take it away somehow, but didn't know what to do.

It was hard to be as optimistic as before, when I had no strikes against my soul and no frame of reference to relate with him. Then, I was certain that he still had a chance at heaven. Now that I was in the same boat, I was not so sure. I didn't know if there were different degrees of damnation: I had killed innocents and he had not. At least now, if there were an afterlife and we were both damned, we would be going to the same place.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said, knowing an apology was woefully inadequate for the guilt he was feeling.

Edward closed his eyes for a long while, then sighed and opened his eyes. "Well, nothing to be done for it now," he replied. "When you're ready, I'll be here."

I nodded silently, with a sad, half-smile. It was the best that I could do.

Edward got up to do his own packing. He assured me we would get other clothing for me if needed, and advised me it was all right to pack lighter clothes.

"You don't always need to dress like an Eskimo," he said, his humor returning slightly. "The house in Denali is quite remote, and during the summer months it can get rather warm."

Out of habit, I pulled out my toiletry bag and was about to pack my toothbrush, then paused and puffed into my hand and sniffed. I could detect no sign of bad breath, even after having a blood meal many hours before. A low laugh from the doorway drew my attention.

"One of the many benefits," Edward chuckled, leaning against the frame. "Venom kills bacteria, and our teeth are too hard for tooth decay. Just pack what you need for showering or bathing and hair care."

When we were both finished packing, we carried our suitcases down to my truck. I was surprised to see Alice waiting for us next to Jasper, bags packed and ready to go. The rest of the family was there, too, to see us off.

I started to object. Esme wouldn't be happy if I took half the family to Denali with me. "You need to stay," I told Alice. "Who's going to look out for them if you're with us?"

"I don't need to be with somebody to see them," she cheerfully contradicted me. "I was in Denali when I saw you jump off the cliff, remember?"

I scrunched my face in embarrassment. Nobody was ever going to let me forget about that.

"Besides," Alice continued without a hitch and smiled fondly at Jasper, "do you think I dare send Jasper by himself to Denali with Tanya and her sisters all alone up there?"

I hadn't thought about that at all. Tanya had shown interest in Edward at one time, but seemed to have accepted our union at the wedding. Surely she wouldn't think to encroach on Alice's husband, would she?

"But I feel bad taking half the family with me."

"It's only temporary, Bella," Alice insisted with a confident tilt of her head. "Once you get your control, we can come home. And I can always come back and get my car. Then I can be back and forth in a day or two."

There was no arguing with her, but at the same time, I felt a certain relief that she would be along to keep me company.

"If that's settled, we'd better get going," Edward said. He stepped forward to give Carlisle and Esme a hug. I threw the luggage into the truck bed and closed the bed cover.

"Take care of yourselves, son," Carlisle said as he clapped Edward on the back. "We'll keep you posted on developments down here."

"Thank you," Edward said. "We'll come back as soon as we can."

Esme caught Edward in a fierce embrace and kissed him on the cheek. "Take care of Bella," she whispered to him. "Come back soon."

"I will, Mother," he whispered back.

Esme held on for a long moment, then released him abruptly. She turned to me carefully, but enfolded me in an embrace no less heartfelt.

"I'm sorry for splitting up the family, Esme," I said, miserably.

"Hush, dear. We'll be together again before you know it," she said, quietly. "You'll need to embrace who you are now, Bella. Until you can do that, you won't be truly happy."

"Thanks, Esme. I'll try." I kept my arms still, but kissed her on the cheek.

There was a touch on my arm. It was Rosalie. "Listen to her, Bella." Her voice was quite earnest, and there was no trace of animosity that I could detect. "She told me the same thing after I changed."

I nodded my assent, somehow controlling my surprise. Sisterly advice was the last thing I would have expected from Rosalie.

"I know I told you a lot of reasons to stay human. But you're here now. You have to take what happiness you can wherever you are. I hated being a vampire at first, because all the things I wanted in life were in the human world. That was before I realized what the benefits could be. It was much better after that."

I gave a shy smile of appreciation for her effort. "Thanks, Rosalie. That means a lot."

Esme smiled at her eldest daughter, and reached out to include her in a group hug. She gave a quick squeeze to both of us, then let go and handed me to Carlisle. He stepped forward and hugged me quickly.

"I'm sorry your first days were so...eventful," Carlisle said with a regretful smile.

I ducked my head. "I'm sorry I'm so much trouble," I replied. I seemed to be saying that a lot these days.

"Nonsense," he said, kindly. "You're not half the trouble Emmett or Jasper were. It must be something about raising boys. Anyway, I'm happy you're part of the family."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I stepped up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek as well.

I waited by the truck while Alice and Jasper said their goodbyes. Emmett came up to me and wrapped me up in his huge arms.

"It's going to be pretty dull around here without you," Emmett rumbled.

"I'll miss you too, Emmett." I gave a fond smile to my favorite brother.

He looked around at the others. "That's one problem with having a big family," he grinned. "Goodbyes take a long time."

"That's okay. I'll take it," I said. And as I thought about the love that bonded this family together, it helped ease the sorrow I'd felt at leaving my mother and father behind. Esme was right. I might be leaving my parents but I would always have a family.

Our farewells done, I climbed into the passenger side of the truck. Edward took the driver's seat automatically, while Jasper and Alice climbed into the back. Edward turned the engine over, and started the truck down the driveway.

I turned in my seat and watched the other half of my family standing in front of the house, waving until we went around the first bend of trees. Once again, I was leaving Forks. At least this time I wasn't in danger, or walking into it. I still felt badly that I was splitting the family in two, and hoped I could gain control of myself quickly. For all that Rosalie seemed to be wrapped up in herself, she enjoyed having the family together and I was starting to feel it too. Even though I had been pretty independent when I was human, it was nice to have my parents around. Carlisle and Esme had quickly filled that void, and I hoped we could be back together soon.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_What do you think of the "after car"? Good? Bad? OOC? Love to hear from you!_


	13. Chapter 12: On The Road

_**AN**: Thanks for being patient while I did some serious re-tooling. I hope you'll find the results worth the wait._

_Major thanks to C_ontentedTwiCow_ and _sherryola_ for pre-reading, and _Katmom_ for wielding her awesome powers of Tae Kwan Beta. You ladies make my job easy, and I thank you so much!  
><em>

_Also thanks to everyone who has read and left feedback. I've enjoyed your comments very much and some have helped shape the direction of this story. You guys make this effort worthwhile._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just hanging around in her dollhouse. No copyright infringement is intended__

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><p><span>Ch. 12 – On The Road<span>

Edward had been driving since we left Forks. I'd not been anywhere on I-5 further than Seattle, and after we crossed into British Columbia and ventured farther away from civilization, each unfamiliar forested valley and mountainside began to blend into the next until the only thing of interest was the freeway and the assorted cars and trucks we passed on our migration north. Edward had the radio playing softly in the background, tuned to an indie station today. While my new truck was much faster than my old truck, he didn't drive as fast as he normally did. Whether it was out of deference to me or because the truck couldn't do that speed, I didn't know. By the number of times he glanced my way, I could tell he was still worried about me. I didn't speak much, and sat absorbed in my thoughts, listening to the music as I watched the walls of green forest slide by us.

Before long, I noticed the itching, burning feeling growing in my throat again. Now that I thought about it, the thirst had never completely gone away over the last few days, only been muted to the point I could ignore it. And too much had happened for me to pay attention. With not much to distract me now, it occupied my mind, front and center. But it was much too soon! Edward and his family only needed to hunt every two weeks. How could my thirst return after only two days?

I was already more sensitive to blood than the others. Did that translate into an abnormally bloodthirsty newborn? The thought made me cringe; excessive bloodlust would only make my road to gaining self-control that much harder. I would have to ignore the seething pain that urged me to leap out of the car and search for something warm-blooded to kill. Gritting my teeth, I concentrated on my breathing and stared out the windshield, trying to focus on the passing countryside.

Alice and Jasper sat in the rear cab, sometimes conversing quietly, sometimes sitting in companionable silence, Alice's head on Jasper's shoulder. I envied their easy, stress-free relationship. It seemed that Edward and I always had some kind of drama, whether from an external source or from something between the two of us.

That thought reminded me of the uneasy feelings I was having. They hadn't gone away, and seemed to center themselves around Edward for some reason. But why? Edward had done nothing to give me concern since he had changed me. In fact, he had been completely supportive and patient while I fumbled my way through my first days. Nothing rational that could be the source of my unease seemed to fit. Maybe if it wasn't something rational, maybe I should look at the irrational. But where to begin?

Were things bad enough that I would want to leave him? I thought about it and felt the familiar lurch in my chest and shied away. No, he still loved me, and despite the shame I felt at my weakness, I still loved him. I could no more leave him than the moon could leave its orbit. Yet loving him used to be all I needed. It was enough that I could bear being on a number of vampire hit lists. Enough to carry me through breaking my best friend's heart, and part of my own. Why on earth would I feel dissatisfied or uncomfortable? It didn't make any sense.

Before I could get any further, my cell phone rang. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. Then the pit of my stomach seemed to fall into my shoes, and my head spun for a moment. It was Charlie and he had to be calling me with news of Mike and Jess. I flipped the phone open with numb fingers.

"Hello?" I said quietly.

"Hey, Bella, how's New Hampshire?" Charlie's voice was subdued. I struggled to bring myself back up to speed, to remember where we were supposed to be.

"Um, we're still on the road, Dad. We took a little detour to Yellowstone on our way through Wyoming," I improvised. My voice wavered on the edge of breaking. It was so good to hear him again.

"See any bears?" His voice had a little edge to it, and I could tell it was coming.

"Uh, just a few. But they stayed away from the people."

"That's good. Do you know where you're going to stay yet?"

I wasn't sure how to reply and sat with my mouth open while I thought furiously, not sure how much of the story I would mess up by getting creative. Then Edward started feeding me lines in a stage whisper, too fast and low for humans to hear.

"Not yet, but we'll find something when we get there."

"Just try to get something in a decent neighborhood, okay?"

"It's okay, Dad. Hanover isn't the big, bad city like Seattle."

"Well, there's kooks all over the place, even in Small Town, USA. You should get some pepper spray as soon as you get settled."

I smiled grimly at the thought of what might happen if any human serial killer, rapist or gang-banger crossed my path right now. "Don't worry, Dad, Edward is with me." I threw that one in, and Edward smirked as I said it.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Yeah, I guess. Well, when you get settled down let me know where." He paused, and voiced a sigh. "Bella, you sitting down? I got some bad news."

"What happened? Is Mom okay?"

"She's fine, Bells. Look, it's about your friends Mike and Jessica. They went off for a fishing trip a couple days ago and…well, they got attacked by a bear."

I sat speechless, not knowing how best to sound shocked and surprised, all the while the guilt and shame began to grow again, clamoring at me.

"Bella, you there?" Charlie's voice rose a little with his concern.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm still here. Are they okay?" That didn't feel too out of character, but I felt phony trying to fake it.

Charlie exhaled loudly. "No, Bells. Sorry."

"That's awful," I cried. "How's Mike's mom doing?" The second I asked, I regretted it, as a hard ball of guilt solidified in my stomach.

Charlie sighed, loudly and heavily. "Not good. His dad insists on going with the patrols looking for the bear. Jessica's mom is taking it pretty hard, too. Damn near the whole town is in a state of shock. We're starting to wonder. Last spring we had all those wolf attacks, and now a bear. Maybe food is scarce and they're starting to attack humans because they're desperate. Or maybe the logging operations are pushing the animals out of the hills. I don't know. I'm going to call Fish and Game, and see if they have any ideas."

"Maybe," I mumbled. "Can you …can you tell them how sorry I am?" Mike and Jessica's parents should be able to interpret that as condolences and not guilt.

"Will do, Bells. They'll appreciate that."

"You just make sure to be careful out there, Dad."

"Always am," came his usual reply. "Anyway, I need to get back to work. Just didn't want you to find out on the evening news."

"Thanks, Dad. Take care of yourself." My voice broke on the last words.

"You too, Bells. Bye."

I hung up the phone and let my head fall back, closing my eyes as the guilt surfaced, threatening to bury me. Mike and Jessica's families were devastated. The whole town was affected. If any of the werewolves got shot because I stirred up the hornet's nest, Jacob would never forgive me. That is, if he ever forgave me for becoming a vampire.

I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder as Edward tried to comfort me. Jasper and Alice murmured soft words of encouragement from the back seat. Between all of them, I felt the despair ease off somewhat.

I turned my head to the side and looked at them. "Thanks," I whispered. Jasper nodded slightly and Edward shifted his hand to my knee, driving one-handed.

"God, I hate lying to him," I muttered.

"I'm sorry, love," Edward said. "If it was anybody else I'd say you get used to it after a while. But you're such a bad liar I don't know if you could."

"You did say I was a lousy actress," I agreed.

Edward smiled briefly at the memory and rubbed my knee fondly. "It's one of the things I love about you."

I didn't answer, still thinking about the conversation with Charlie. Only now did I fully realize what Emmett had been doing when we left him at the scene, and my stomach gave a squeamish lurch. Would Carlisle have been called in to do the autopsy? I shook my head thinking of the consequences from my thoughtless actions.

After several more miles, I broke the silence. "This was what you were afraid of, wasn't it?"

Edward turned his head toward me, only allowing for brief glances to steer the car. "What was I afraid of?" he asked.

"Me killing somebody. Especially an innocent. Now I'm more likely to go to hell than you thought you were."

He gave an unhappy sigh, the distress plain on his face. "Despite our previous conversation on the topic, I'm still not wholly convinced we have an afterlife in our future, regardless of whether you kill anyone. But yes, it was one of the possibilities that concerned me."

"Well, as usual, you were right."

"Bella, don't talk about it if it's going to upset you."

"I'm just being honest." I paused for a moment. "Are you upset about it? Tell me the truth."

Edward's brows drew together in a frown. "I'm…not happy about it, no."

Weakly, I tried to make a joke out of it. "Well, if it turns out there is an afterlife, at least we'll be going to the same place."

Edward gave me a momentary glare; this wasn't a joking matter to him. "I didn't want this for you," he growled. "I wanted so much better for you than this half-life." He lifted his hand off my knee and ran it through his hair, mussing it, then sighed loudly. "I told you I'd love you whether you were human or otherwise. Now that you're like me, you're suffering, and I'd do anything to take that away from you. If I thought it would do any good, I'd take you to a priest for confession. At the very least, maybe you might feel better."

"I'm not Catholic."

"I know. The soul is the soul, what does the system of belief matter where the soul is concerned?" He shrugged. "But the Catholics practice confession, so I went to see one."

"You went to a priest?" This surprised me; Edward had never struck me as being religious. The long discussion we had the night of my change had led me to believe he was agnostic at best – unsure of the existence of a specific deity, but believing in good and evil, right and wrong.

"Not for religious reasons, but at the time, I thought what could it hurt?" He smiled grimly. "I was living away from Carlisle, and feeling remorseful about my choice of lifestyle. Hoping to unburden my conscience, I found a Catholic church and went to the confessional after evening mass.

"The priest knew right away something was odd with me. I didn't know the rituals, the 'bless me father for I have sinned' nonsense. When I began telling him of the many criminals that I had killed, he got very agitated – his heart started racing and his breathing grew short. He listened until I finished – I didn't tell him what I was, just what I had done – but all the while he grew more and more agitated. I could easily smell him perspiring from the other side of the screen. When I finished my confession, he gave me a short sermon about how vengeance and justice belonged to the Lord. He directed me to begin the Rosary, and recite it twelve times, but then he said he must consult with his superiors for the appropriate penance for one so...remorseful. He advised me to begin, and he would return shortly. Then he left the confessional."

Edward paused for a moment. "I was a little wary – why would a priest assign a penance that required intimate knowledge of Catholic rituals to an unbeliever? So when he left, I followed him discreetly. He returned to the rectory and began an agitated discussion with his superior. To make sure I wasn't discovered, I ran outside, climbed a tree that grew close to the upstairs window and listened.

"The priest's superior sternly reminded him that all discourse heard under the Seal of the Confessional was strictly confidential, even criminal matters. He could urge me to turn myself in, but that was all. The priest was not happy about that, and asked the monsignor how he would be able to sleep if they allowed the worst mass murderer in Chicago history to go free.

"Their discussion ended abruptly after a shouted reminder that breaking the Seal was a crime against the church, and it seemed to cow the priest into silence. But a short time later, the priest emerged from the rectory dressed in street clothes, and hurried away from the church. It was a safe bet he wasn't returning to give me absolution. I assumed he was going to inform the police, so I left."

We all sat quietly, absorbing his story. Finally, I spoke up. "Sorry it didn't turn out better. But I can see why you've not gone back to a church."

Edward's voice went cold with contempt. "I thought my confession would be held in confidence, but I suppose the sheer number of victims made me a special case. Or maybe it was because I was an unbeliever. At any rate, I guess for some people the laws of man trump the laws of God." He made a disparaging sound. "Bottom line, going to confession didn't make me feel any better. But if you want to talk to someone, I'll be happy to take you."

I wasn't sure if there was any widely accepted way to cleanse your soul of sin. In what little Sunday school Renee had sent me to, talk of sins and forgiveness had all seemed fairly theoretical. The worst sins we were likely to commit as children were fairly petty – taking the Lord's name in vain, coveting something belonging to our neighbor, things like that. Murder wasn't considered one of the possibilities.

"Maybe I could do something like Mother Teresa, and help the poor and the sick," I wondered aloud. Then I made a face. "But I'd probably end up eating the poor and the sick."

Alice spoke up from the back. "At least you'd be showing mercy by putting them out of their misery."

Edward rolled his eyes. "So helpful, Alice," he grumbled.

Alice shrugged. "Sorry. This is the only life I've known, so I don't have any other beliefs to color my thinking. I just know Carlisle's philosophy and it's good enough for me."

I didn't want them to start arguing. Bad enough I was disrupting their home life. "Why don't we drop it?" I suggested. "We don't know about the afterlife for sure. So just make sure we live forever and we won't have to worry about where we go. Okay?"

Edward glanced my way and fell silent. But knowing him, this wasn't the end of our conversation.

= = = C = R = = =

We had been on the road for about half a day, when Edward asked if I needed to go hunting.

"Are you thirsty, love?" His golden eyes were warm, and gentle with his concern.

Not wanting to seem like the ravenous newborn, I carefully schooled my expression and kept my tone as light as I could. "No, I'm okay for now."

"You don't need to fight it, Bella. There's no shame in being thirsty."

I only answered him with a little smile and a shrug.

"We need to get gas anyway. It's as good a time as any to stop."

Edward drove on until we reached a town called Boston Bar on British Columbia Route 1N. As Edward pulled the truck into the station, I tried to shrink down in my seat – there were human drivers at the station also getting gas.

Edward didn't need to read my mind to know what I was thinking. "It'll be all right, Bella. Just hold your breath and stay in the truck."

I nodded, sucked in a breath and clamped down on it. Jasper got out of the truck with Edward, while Alice stayed inside with me. After the door closed, I watched Edward going about the business of refueling. Alice made a noise and stretched out her arms. Without thinking I turned around and asked her, "Are you okay back there?"

That was a mistake. In the act of speaking, I let go of some air and then inhaled. The opening of the door had brought in air with enough human scent to rip my throat into flame, venom filling my mouth. Humans – warm, succulent humans – were just outside the truck within easy reach. Alice saw my eyes widen and nostrils flare at the scent. She reached out with both hands to capture my face and held my eyes with hers.

"Stay calm, Bella," she said. "Don't think about it. Close your eyes and go to your happy place."

My stomach twisted for a second. "I don't think I have a happy place anymore," I whispered. I closed my eyes and tried to empty my thoughts. My head spun from the effort of resisting the residual scent in the air, but I managed to stay seated, even though part of my mind itched to burst out of the truck. Alice's hands were clamped about my face in a grip of iron, and I panicked because this would be a very bad time to lose control – Alice could get hurt. While I was distracted by that thought, my fingers moved of their own accord towards the door handle and...

"Hey!" Alice's voice broke in. "None of that! Come on, work with me here!" she cried. "Edward!"

In an instant, Edward and Jasper were back in the truck and Edward was firing up the engine. He pulled out of the gas station with a screech of tires, then opened the windows. The rush of clean air was an instant relief, and I took in huge gulps of it to clear the human scent from my head. When I finally opened my eyes, Alice let go, and I slumped into my seat again.

"Better?" Edward asked.

I nodded, weakly. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, love," he assured me. "Now, I'm going to find another gas station. You need to hunt, but we need gas to get you there. Will you be all right?"

Actually the burning in my throat was unbearable and getting worse. I clenched my teeth against the pain, and finally admitted that I needed help. "I'll try. But it's so soon!" I objected. "You guys usually go every two weeks."

"We're not newborns, Bella," Alice remarked with a smirk.

"Think about early childcare," Edward remarked. "Human babies need to be fed every two to three hours when they're newly born. They're developing quickly and their systems aren't ready to go longer periods without food."

I thought about that for a moment. "So, it's not that I'm a raving monster thirsty for blood? The extra sensitivity to blood doesn't make me a super-crazy newborn?"

"The sensitivity is a new wrinkle, but other than that, you're just young. And hungry," Edward chuckled, an amused smile on his face. "You should have seen Emmett after Carlisle changed him."

"This is normal, Bella. Believe me, it's not good to wait so long and let yourself get so thirsty," Jasper said with a knowing smile. "You get to the point where you'll kill anything that moves, and that doesn't help with the self control."

Dread filled me. If I had circulation I would have gone pale. "But I can't…I don't want to take the chance…" I trailed off.

Alice fixed me with a steely glare. "Just stay with us then, and stay calm. No racing ahead where we can't control you and you'll be fine."

I wilted under the pressure of her gaze. "Okay," I said quietly.

"You know what to do this time?" Jasper asked.

I gave a shaky breath. "Yeah, I won't talk and I'll hold my breath."

"Remember, Bella, you don't need the air anymore," Alice reminded me. "You could stay underwater all day if you wanted to."

"Okay."

Edward gave my knee a reassuring squeeze. "We'll find someplace for you to hunt soon."

"Thanks," I said weakly. "Hurry, please."

Edward pulled into another station, and this time I sat still, closed my eyes and held my breath while Edward refueled. Jasper stayed in the truck with us this time for insurance. My mind kept waiting for the shortness of breath and dizziness, but they never came. Once again, another new aspect of my body surprised me. I would need to go swimming sometime to try it out.

Edward finished fueling in about ten minutes. Before we left the gas station, Edward searched the truck's GPS. After he found what looked like a suitable wilderness area, we were back on the road again. While it was a relief to avoid another incident, I still had the original problem – my throat was still on fire. I spoke little, and fought the reflex to breathe – the mere passage of air through my throat seemed to aggravate the burning sensation. Holding out as long as I could, I listened to the radio, sometimes counted passing trees, sometimes watched the occupants of the few cars as we passed them. That was not a good one, as my eyes zoomed in on the flush of blood in their faces, just below the skin.

Thankfully, it was not long before Edward pulled off the highway and began driving into the hills along smaller country roads. Fifteen or twenty minutes later, he pulled into an area where the road basically dead-ended near a trailhead and killed the ignition.

"Where are we?" I asked.

Edward released his seatbelt and turned in his seat so he could see all of us. "We're near one of the state parks in British Columbia. It has a long name. Stein Valley Niaka Pamux Heritage Park. This is the start for one of the trails leading into it."

Alarmed, I looked around the truck, but we were alone. "If it's a trailhead, won't people use it for hiking?" I asked.

"Not so much as in Forks," Alice explained. "This is remote country. Feel the window; it's cold out there. For humans, at least."

Edward reached out and put his hand on mine. His eyes were a light-gold, and he gazed at me with intense sincerity. "Trust me, Bella. Stay close to me. I won't fail you again."

Suddenly in that moment it became clear what had been bothering me.

Before I was changed, I dreaded the idea of becoming a heartless killer of humans. The haunted eyes of the doomed old woman being herded to her death in Volterra had not dimmed in my memory, and had been one of the few fears that gave pause to my desire to become immortal. But in my eagerness to stay with Edward for all time, I pushed that consideration aside and assumed that Edward would help keep me safe. I expected that he would be able to keep me from making any mistakes, and he had failed me.

I had never been disappointed in Edward before now, never even thought of him as lacking in any way. When he kept me from visiting Jacob, I had disapproved of his behavior. But while I didn't like it, I understood – he had done it out of concern for my safety. Even after Edward had left me and returned, I held no ill feelings. His desertion had also been driven by his love for me.

This was the first time I could remember that Edward had tried and failed at anything he had attempted. Now the horrific demon of nightmare and legend stared back at me from my reflection in the mirror, and there was no going back. Edward's infallibility had always been one of the traits I depended on, and the feeling that I could always rely on him was gone now, leaving me disappointed and unsure.

"Bella? Are you all right?"

Edward's question made me aware of the fact that I had been sitting and staring, wide-eyed and unseeing, while the wild thoughts ran through me. I gave my head a little shake.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

My head was full of this new worry, but the burning in my throat forced me to address the more immediate problem. "All right, I'll stay close. No racing this time," I promised.

As we got out of the truck, I was still apprehensive – still unsure if Edward would be able to keep me from harming anybody else.

"Do you hear anybody?" I asked nervously.

He shook his head and waved for us to follow him. Alice was right, even though it was still fall, the air was fairly cold. Not cold enough for snow, but humans would need to put on an extra layer. I could feel it in the air, yet I didn't _feel_ cold. We would surely look out of place, dressed as we were in simple pants, shirts and sweaters.

Edward set off along the trail at an easy pace for a vampire. The trail followed the contour of the valley in an upward grade. When the trail opened out on a ridge, we paused to take in the vista – a broad valley formed by glacial action. I was glad to see there were no signs of human habitation as far as I could see. My senses picked up signs of small wildlife, but nothing worthwhile.

Alice paused for a moment, turning this way and that, then she pointed toward a low range of hills that rose from the bottom of the glacial valley. "That way."

When we crested the shoulder of the low hills, we caught sight of a small herd of caribou grazing in a wide meadow. Edward paused to regroup, then motioned us on. We swooped down the hillside toward the herd, the late season wildflowers blurring as we passed them. As we drew closer I caught the scent of the caribou. While only mildly appetizing, I now realized how thirsty I really was. Like a switch went off in my head, suddenly I was a hunter – lips drawn back from my teeth, following the scent like a shark homing in on a blood trail. My surroundings faded into the background, and the scent led me until I was close enough. The animals had good reflexes, and started to bolt when we drew near, but it was too late.

My body leaped of its own accord and I flew toward a large buck, the velvet hanging in tatters from its antlers – it was rutting season. I tackled it around the neck and while it felt the impact of my 110 pounds, it staggered but didn't fall. It was much bigger than the deer Edward had killed for me on my first hunt. The buck took off running, with me clinging to its neck.

I heard a startled shout from behind me. Some instinct prompted me to swing a leg over the animal's back and secure my hold. Then I reached up, grabbed the antlers and pulled back and twisted. The neck snapped with a dull crack and the caribou tumbled to the ground, throwing me.

I rolled to a stop a few yards away, jumped to my feet but didn't bother to dust myself off. Literally pouncing on the caribou, I picked it up and sank my teeth in and didn't stop or look up until the carcass was drained. With a sigh of relief, I dropped it and sat back on the cold ground. My hunting senses had registered three other predators in the area, and I lifted my head to scan for danger. But as I slowly calmed, they came into focus.

Edward was closest to me, his brow creased with concern. Alice and Jasper were close behind. I noticed with a pang that they were still keeping their distance, but that was understandable. They also hadn't brought down any animals of their own; this hunt had only been for me.

"Do you feel better?" Edward asked, cautiously.

"Much better, thanks." It was funny how, when trying your hardest to sound normal, you never felt you managed it. I remembered Edward's comment about not wrestling with his food, and tried an offhand comment to put them at their ease. "Do you think I'll get better at this?" I asked, indicating my tousled appearance.

"It's only your second hunt, love," he answered with an indulgent laugh. "You did fine. You'll get better with practice."

"I hope so." I felt better when they relaxed and moved towards me.

"Do you need another one?" he asked solicitously.

"No, I don't think I can fit anymore," I answered. "But I felt this full the last time. Does that mean in two days I'll need to hunt again?"

"You _are_ a newborn," Jasper said, an amused smile on his face. "We hunted two days ago, so we should be good for about two weeks."

"Agh, this is inconvenient," I muttered. "Okay, I'm done. If you guys aren't eating…er drinking, then we can get going again."

Edward nodded, then both his face and Alice's went blank as they scanned the area. After a moment he waved us to move on and led us back to the truck. I couldn't help thinking of the events that followed my first hunt, and kept a nervous eye out for anything remotely human looking. When we finally reached the truck without incident, I breathed a private sigh of relief.

Edward retraced our route back to the highway, and we resumed our journey north. Back on the main road, my thirst under control again, my mind was free to wander back to thoughts of Edward.

The bond between us was still there, of that I was certain. I was acutely aware of his hand on my knee, his thumb brushing tiny circles on my kneecap. But I was also confused. I was absolutely horrified over what I had done to Mike and Jessica, and fair or not, a little of that spilled over onto Edward. This was the first time my feelings for him had varied at all since the time I decided it didn't matter what kind of monster he might be. And I had easily injured him without even thinking of it. I was too strong and couldn't control myself. Now I understood why I shied away from touching him.

I was not a touchy-feely kind of girl before I met him. With no boyfriends before him, I had nothing to compare. All of how I behaved around him came from the emotions I felt for him, and with my emotions not right, it made sense that I was behaving differently.

While now I understood, understanding did not bring relief. Edward and I were married and we were both immortal. How would he be able to stand the decades living with a person who didn't want to touch him? Although the newborn traits of extra strength and lack of control were supposed to fade, they felt too immediate for me to have any confidence that they would go away. Somehow, I had to make this work.

He must have felt my eyes on him because he asked what I was thinking about. I didn't know how I could talk with him about this subject without inciting some kind of drama, and here was not the place for it. I turned my head and looked quickly at Alice; if she had detected any change in my future, she didn't show any sign of it. I ad-libbed and asked Edward what we would be doing in Denali. He glanced over at me and shrugged.

"It's a lot like a human family gathering," he explained. "We talk and catch up. Go on hunting trips. Sometimes we help out on the ranch. Things like that. It may be a little different this time, because we'll be there for an extended stay. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering how we'd be passing the time. It kinda slipped my mind, but when was school supposed to start?"

"Classes at Dartmouth start September 5th." Edward looked closely at me for a second, with one eyebrow raised. "I had originally thought we might put off attending for a year. But if you feel up to starting we may be able to register for some distance learning classes. Don't feel pressured to start though. It's not as if you'll be falling behind."

I thought about it, then nodded. "I think I'd like to do that. It'll be something to keep my mind busy."

Edward's crooked smile dawned on his lips, the first I'd seen it in some time. "Good," he said. "We'll look into it when we get there."

I was cheered a little that he was content. The way I felt at this moment I couldn't be sure how he might feel in the future. I sat watching him, the statue of David in profile, one hand confidently on the wheel, the other resting on my knee. When he turned his eyes on me, I answered with a hesitant quirk of my lips, but quickly looked out the window. I wasn't used to feeling any kind of confusion about him. As devoted as he was to me, he deserved someone whose heart held no doubts. I needed to figure this out, and soon.

= = = C = R = = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Thanks for sticking with me so far. Please leave a review if so inclined..._


	14. Chapter 13: Denali

_**A/N**: Sorry for the delay, I've found I've been taking longer as I really want to get it right. I hope you'll find the results worth the wait._

_Many thanks to _sherryola_ for pre-reading, and to _C_ontentedTwiCow_ for guidance. If you haven't read "Fear and Loathing by ContentedTwiCow, check it out!__

_A tip of the hat to _Katmom_ for making sense of my mess. You ladies make my job easy, and I thank you so much!  
><em>

_Thanks so much to everyone who has read and left feedback, favorited and set alerts. I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort all worthwhile._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just bumming around her ranch. No copyright infringement is intended__

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><p><span>Ch 13 – Denali<span>

We arrived in Denali two days after leaving Forks, reaching the end of a paved road that meandered into the hills. Before that, we passed through the small town of Healy, which was the closest population center near the Denali sisters' home. This hamlet was about one-hundred miles south of Fairbanks, and two-hundred fifty miles north of Anchorage. As the closest town to Denali National Park, it had developed into the tourist jumping off point. The main industry being tourism, there was an unusual number of restaurants, lodging and souvenir shops for a small town in what would otherwise be the middle of nowhere. I was happy it was a small, remote village. At just over 900 residents, there was less chance I might run into stray humans.

The track that continued into the hills was unpaved gravel that would not be plowed in the winter. It was a good thing my truck had 4-wheel drive. The bumpy ride lasted less than an hour, crossing two streams and winding through thickets of spruce trees that eventually thinned out to ferns and grasses as we gained elevation.

Finally, the road led into a sheltered valley. Nestled into one side was an impressive, split-level, ranch-style house that didn't quite fit in to the wild, remote surroundings. A nice, covered porch fronted the home, and I wondered briefly about that, since there was less good weather up here than in Washington to enjoy sitting on the front porch. Then I smirked at my all too-human thought; the weather was never too bad for the owners of this house. A number of technological advances were also in evidence – the roof was covered with solar panels, and a half dozen wind turbines on the top of the hill behind the house spun rapidly in the prevailing winds.

Edward brought the truck to a stop on the graveled drive and shut the engine. "Here we are," he announced.

We opened the doors and stepped out just as the front door opened. I recognized the first woman out the door as Kate, who had come to our wedding. She had straight, pale-blonde hair that reached past her shoulders. The golden eyes in her slightly oval face were calm, but she had a friendly smile on her lips. Tanya, her wavy, strawberry blonde tresses hanging down to her waist, was next. She had a more heart-shaped face, and full lips that stretched in a smile of greeting. Both were dressed indifferently to the weather – Kate wore a light-grey, cotton shirt and jeans, while Tanya was decked out in a floral-print sundress and sandals.

"Welcome, Edward! Alice, it's good to see you! Jasper, you've been away too long!" The sisters greeted each of us with a kiss on each cheek, and I remembered that they were originally from the area that would become Slovakia.

Tanya approached me with a smile. "Bella, we were hoping you would come for a visit, but didn't expect you and Edward so soon."

My face fell; we were retreating here because of my missteps. I looked at my feet and started to stammer the explanation for my exile, when Kate stopped me.

"No matter, we're just glad you're here. Come inside and bring your things. We have rooms ready for you."

Thankful to her for diverting attention away from me, I returned to the truck and opened the tailgate and the bed cover. I handed the others their bags, and grabbed my own suitcase.

As Edward walked towards the house, Tanya sidled up to him, linked an arm through his and whispered, "So, Edward, have you been 'initiated' yet?"

Edward's glanced quickly back at me, and his tone was indignant. "Tanya–"

"If not, I'd be glad to lend a hand."

Tanya's giggle was so lascivious; I was stunned by her sheer audacity. Heat suddenly flared in my head, and my focus narrowed on the blonde trollop that dared to lay hands on my mate. A growl sounded and I began to move, but sudden hands held me back before I could reach her. As I raised my hands to pull myself free, the angel's voice sounded in my head, urging me to calm, promising me all was well. The lure was unavoidable. I closed my eyes and focused on that voice, letting it settle me back down.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing before me with his hands on my shoulders, speaking urgently but quietly. Alice and Jasper held my arms, while Kate and Tanya stood a short distance away.

"Are you back with us, love?" Edward's worried voice brought me another wave of embarrassment – I'd almost lost it again.

"Yeah, I'm better. Sorry about that." I sagged against Alice but didn't make any move to free myself. Alice put an arm around my waist and gave a little squeeze.

"It's all right." Edward half-turned and spoke seriously. "Not a good idea to antagonize Bella, Tanya. Don't you remember about newborns?"

"Oh, right." Tanya held up her hands in apology, but I still detected a hint of a smirk. "Don't worry, Bella, I won't poach. I've just been tormenting Edward for so long, it's hard to stop."

My breath came out in a hiss, and I realized I had dropped my suitcase. Nodding my head, I acknowledged her apology; it wouldn't do to antagonize our hosts. "Sure. No problem." My voice was still a little shaky.

Kate rolled her eyes, took hold of Tanya's arm and pulled her towards the house. "Sorry, Bella, she'll behave herself. Come in, come in."

The incident past, we all picked up our bags and followed.

The front door opened into a foyer with racks for winter garments and storage for boots, like a mud room. A second, inner door opened into a grand living room. Partly hidden by a half wall toward the back was the kitchen and the dining room area. Hallways on either side led to the wings of the house where the bedrooms were. A good number of windows allowed cheery lighting into the house. Compared to the wall of glass in our house in Forks, it wasn't quite as spectacular, but the floor plan was still very open, airy, and a welcoming place to be.

Kate and Tanya led us up a short flight of steps, and brought us to a room in the left wing that they pronounced as Jasper and Alice's.

"She's been here before," Kate laughed. "It's the only one with a closet big enough for her."

"I only brought one bag," Alice demurred as she hefted her huge suitcase.

Down the hall from Jasper and Alice, Kate indicated the next room was ours. It was decorated in a tasteful, traditional style, but without excessive flourishes or florals. There was a colonial era dresser, desk and chair. The queen-sized four poster bed looked to be built of solid mahogany. As I set my suitcase on the floor in front of the closet, Tanya snickered.

"And we made sure the bed was strong enough for the newlyweds," she said, with a wicked grin on her face.

What was it about vampires and sex? Or maybe it was just Tanya. I was so embarrassed, I felt sure they would see some kind of color rising in my face. Kneeling to open my suitcase, I let my hair fall forward, hiding them from my view.

"Tanya!" Kate chided her sister. "Come, let's bring Bella to meet the others."

We found Carmen and Eleazar in a room that had been converted into a studio in the opposite wing of the house. Judging from the number and quality of canvases on the walls, Eleazar was an accomplished painter. While there were many paintings of Carmen in various poses, there were also a number of landscapes and wildlife art. I was struck by the realism of them all; any of them were worthy of hanging in a museum or gallery. That was one of the benefits of a long life – the skills that one could develop over the years.

Eleazar was currently painting another portrait of Carmen, who was sitting for him with a guitar on her knee. The sounds that rose from her fingers were gentle, but complex for guitar music. Her flashing fingers made it sound as if two guitarists were playing. Carmen was wearing a gown of orange chiffon that left her shoulders bare. Her thick, dark-brown hair tumbled across her pale shoulders, a striking contrast to her skin.

Eleazar smiled as he finished a few more strokes, and looked up in greeting at Edward. Eleazar had a very aristocratic look to him, with a broad forehead, strong features and dark-brown hair that was drawn into a shoulder-length ponytail. He looked at me and the smile froze on his face.

Edward's gaze switched from Eleazar, to me, and back again. "I never thought of it that way," he said out loud.

"What?" I asked, noticing that I was suddenly the focus of their attention.

"Sorry, love," Edward said. "Eleazar was just surprised by your gift. He calls it a shield."

"Yes, forgive my rudeness, my dear. Welcome to Denali." He stood, wiped his hands on his apron, and came forward to kiss me on both cheeks. Carmen set aside her instrument and greeted us as well. I was briefly amazed by the depths of Carmen's beauty. She had the classic Spanish features, with dark, high brows, well-formed cheek bones and wide, full lips. The usually olive skin had been lightened by the vampire's pallor, although she wasn't quite as pale as Edward or I.

"It's extraordinary," Eleazar marveled. "I've never met a shield as strong as you before. I have to strain to sense you, and even then it's like you're not there."

Edward grinned. "Wait, it gets better." He reached out and took me by the hand.

Eleazar again froze, his eyes widening. "_Madre de Dios_! You just disappeared as well!"

Edward's grin widened. "Eleazar give me your hand for a moment. Bella's gift goes even further." Eleazar held out his hand, and Edward joined it with mine, then let go. "I can't hear you now. Can you sense me?"

Speechless, Eleazar shook his head slowly, looking from Edward and back to me.

Edward nodded. "We accidentally discovered that Bella could shield more than herself, and even interfere with others' gifts. It seems to be limited to touch but we've not explored it thoroughly."

"But it's bad, too." I grimaced at the unpleasant memories. "I can hurt you because you can't hear me coming."

Eleazar blinked and recovered himself. "Indeed, that is quite a talent. What Aro wouldn't give…" he muttered.

Edward gave him a rather intense look, then cleared his throat. "Well, we won't disturb your work here. Come find us when you're done."

Carmen returned to the chair and assumed her former pose, while Eleazar picked up his palette again. The strumming of the guitar filled the studio again. I looked around the room at the many stunning paintings as we left the studio.

"Is everybody artistic?" I asked Edward, as the sisters led us down the hallway.

"One has to do something to fill the hours." Edward smiled in a self-effacing way. "But not everybody, only those who are so inclined. Rosalie didn't start out as a master mechanic, you know."

The sisters led us out one of the side doors and walked across the yard toward a number of outbuildings. They explained to me that it was not a true working ranch, because it never would have worked – animals tend to get hysterical around vampires, so raising livestock was a bad idea. But their lands were still viable tundra, and held the remnants of the short summer growing season, fighting furiously to survive before the harsh winter descended.

Instead of animal husbandry, the sisters made clothing, something they had done since they were human. Tourists coming to Alaska were always interested in "native" clothing. And since they hunted regularly, they had a steady supply of animal hides to work with. Over the years they had developed fairly intricate designs working with animal pelts, making coats, boots, hats and mittens. There was also a market for jerky, which they produced from caribou meat. I felt better that they were putting more of the animals they killed to good use. They didn't need to do it for the money anymore; they were fairly secure ever since Carlisle had helped set up their finances. But it was a familiar activity and the extra income was always nice.

I became aware of a steady, sawing sound coming from one of the outbuildings.

"This way. That sounds like Irina," observed Kate.

She walked up to one of the buildings that was built like a barn, and opened the wide door to let us in. There were no stalls for animals, but the smell of animal fur, dried and otherwise, filled the air. In their place were racks with pelts stretched on them to dry. Other racks were hung with strips of meat drying into jerky.

Irina was blonde like the other sisters and quite beautiful. She had broader facial features that would be commonly associated with people of Slovakian descent. Not as slender in build as her sisters, Irina was drawing a hide at vampire speed back and forth across a curved form, raising a small cloud of particles as she worked. The rapid rubbing sound on the stone work table sounded like a saw as we approached.

"Irina, the family is here," Kate called over the racket.

After a brief glance, Irina set down the hide and wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing. Irina approached us more formally than her sisters had. She took Edward, Alice and Jasper's hands in stiff handshakes.

"And this is Bella, Edward's wife." Tanya held out a hand to me as she introduced us.

Irina shook my hand, but her black eyes seemed to glitter in anger as she bowed curtly at me.

"We're sorry we missed you at the wedding." I hoped I was misreading the signals she was sending.

"Yes, I was very busy." Irina's voice was flat and unfriendly as she quickly released my hand and straightened. She stood a little over half a head taller than me and glowered down at me.

"Why don't you take a break?" Tanya asked.

"I have a lot to do," was the terse reply as she moved back over to her work and picked up the hide again.

Kate looked apologetically at us and pointed with her thumb toward the door. "We'll leave you to your work."

Once outside, Kate closed the workshop door. The sawing sound began again, perhaps a little louder and faster than before.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come?" Edward asked with a worried look in his eye.

"No, no, I won't hear of it," Kate reassured us. "After we deserted you last spring, there was no way we couldn't be here for you now."

"Is something bothering her?" I asked.

"She's been this way ever since she heard…you all were coming," Tanya shrugged in apology.

"She's still a little upset with Carlisle, for not agreeing to destroy the wolves. But we told her she would have to deal with it," Kate said. "We'll just have to work around her."

"That could be awkward," I muttered. It would be like Rosalie all over again.

"Don't worry about it," Tanya said brightly. "It's a big place. Lots of space to roam and hide. Come see."

Tanya and Kate led us up to the top of the hill behind the house. Standing below the wind turbines, it was the highest point in the area. The vista was amazing. Scrub growth and tundra covered rolling hills as far as the eye could see. Even vampire eyes. Far off in the distance, the hills grew and built into the majestic mountains of Denali which rose up to kiss the sky.

"It doesn't all belong to us, but nobody's built fences so it's almost as good," Kate explained.

"Not that fences would matter," giggled Tanya.

Edward smiled and gave my hand a squeeze. He had seen it before and was happy to share it with me. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked.

I drew in a long breath of chilly Artic air. There was something serene about the landscape that stretched out before me. These mountains had stood for longer than humans or vampires had walked the earth, and would still be here long after we were gone.

"Yes, it's breathtaking," I agreed quietly.

"We could climb it if you like," Edward suggested.

"Really? Isn't that kinda dangerous?"

"Maybe for humans!" Tanya laughed, and Kate joined her.

I looked speculatively at the distant crags. "Maybe later."

"That's true. We were going to sign up for some classes," Edward mentioned. "Do you mind if we go hook up the computer?"

"Sure," Kate answered. "Let's go back inside."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Back in our room, Edward pulled out his laptop and turned it on. While he waited for it, he asked me what classes I was thinking of taking. We were both registered as an undeclared major, so that left a wide range of possibilities.

"I'm still kinda undecided. Are there some basic classes that everybody has to take? Maybe I could get them out of the way while I'm deciding."

"General education classes," Edward declared. "Universities fill their curriculum with them to produce a better-rounded student. Personally, I think they just offer them so they can require you to take more units and pad their bottom line."

When the computer finished its start up sequence, Edward pulled up the school website and logged in with his student ID.

"Here we are," he said. "Freshman distance learning classes. The basics – English, history, math Oh, it looks like you need three terms of language to graduate from Dartmouth."

I considered it. "I suppose I should keep up with the Spanish. Better to be good in one language, rather than be hopeless in several."

"For now," Edward smiled. "You know you'll have a lot of time to work on it."

"Oh, right," I said, feeling a little inadequate. "Um, how many languages can you speak?"

"English, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, some German and a little Mandarin Chinese," Edward rattled off.

I rolled my eyes. "I should have known. Did you want to take classes together?"

Edward looked at me, his eyes swimming with warmth. "I love doing things with you."

I dropped my gaze, not able to meet his eyes at the moment. "Okay, let's sign up then."

After Edward finished, I signed in and prepared to register for the same classes. We would have the class materials sent to the Denali sisters' post office box. Edward sat next to me, brushed my hair back and leaned close to nuzzle my ear and kiss the back of my neck.

I shied away a little. "Stop, Edward, you're distracting me," I protested.

"That's the idea," he said with a laugh.

"C'mon, I've got things to do, and I probably have a ton of e-mail from my mom."

Edward laughed again and contented himself with playing with my hair and caressing my back.

I signed up for English literature, world history and – for the heck of it – general psychology. If nothing else, I might gain some insight into our relationship. Spanish wasn't offered online, so it would have to wait until I could attend in person. I guess it would be difficult for the teacher to correct your pronunciation in an e-mail.

When I finished registering, I logged in to read my e-mail. Sure enough, there were a number of messages from Renee. I noticed with a slight pang that they weren't quite as needy as when I first moved to Forks. It seemed that Mom really meant what she said about accepting me growing up and moving on. She was curious about how school was and what the town of Hanover was like. I did my best to weave a tale of settling into a nice little apartment not too far from school, and needing to buy house wares to stock it. I faked surprise that we hadn't received any pots or pans as wedding gifts. And just to keep in practice, I reminded her to pay her property taxes.

As I hit send, I was thankful for the anonymity of e-mail and the internet. I never would have been able to lie to her like this if we were face-to-face.

Suddenly, our sharp hearing detected the sound of plastic beads rattling in a cup, then clattering onto a surface. It sounded like it was coming from the living room. Edward and I looked at each other, then got up to investigate.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Tanya, Kate, Alice and Jasper were gathered around the coffee table in the living room, playing something. Carmen and Eleazar reclined on one of the couches watching the game. Irina was nowhere in sight.

The rattling was the sound of dice being shaken in a tumbler. The four around the table were playing kismet, a dice game that used six dice, something like Yahtzee, but with three red and three green dice. Games of total chance were the only kind that we could play with Alice, because there were no decisions to change the outcome. Edward was the only one who could play strategy games with her.

Tanya looked up as we entered the room. "So, how _was_ the honeymoon?" she asked with a bawdy smile.

"Um, good," I looked down as memories of crutches and a hip brace rose in my head.

"Too short," Edward came to my rescue as we sat on a couch overlooking the game. "We were thinking of a second honeymoon when we have the time."

Eleazar spoke from the corner sofa where he and Carmen reclined. "Bella, when we came down for the wedding, I admit I wasn't paying attention to your gift. Now it's so strong it almost screams at me. And you say it worked when you were human?"

I nodded. "Edward has never been able to hear me." For that I was still thankful.

"The only reason we found out it could be extended was because Edward couldn't hear anybody Bella was touching," Jasper added.

"Even before Bella was changed, we realized that her ability worked against anybody whose talent was mental in nature," Alice said. "I could see her and Jasper could calm her down. But Jane and Aro could do nothing."

"But once she was changed it strengthened," Jasper continued. "Now she interferes with everybody in some way. I can sense what Bella's feeling, but I can't affect her mood as I once could. Alice can still see her future, but not if they're touching."

"Hmm." Kate's eyes narrowed briefly. "May I try something? Edward, hold Bella's hand for a moment." Edward took me by the hand. Kate reached out and touched Edward's shoulder with an outstretched finger.

"Did you feel that?" she asked.

"Not a thing." Edward shrugged.

Kate held her hand to me. "Bella, switch with me?" I let go of Edward's hand and took Kate's.

"All right, how about now?" she asked as she touched Edward again.

"Nothing."

Kate dropped my hand and reached for Edward's shoulder yet again. "And now?"

"Kate, I already – OWW!" Edward flinched at Kate's touch.

I jumped to my feet in alarm, fists clenched. "What did you do?" I cried out.

"Easy there, calm down, love." Edward spoke in a soothing voice and rubbed his shoulder ruefully. "It's all right, Bella, Kate has a talent, too. She has an electro-shock touch, _which I've felt before_!" Edward glared at Kate.

"I know," she said impishly. "But it's fun to make you jump. Anyway, I was just wondering if what I do is mental, not physical. I guess it is."

"We could have used a voltmeter to see if you actually generate electricity, and it wouldn't have been quite so painful," Edward grumbled.

"And can we please stop antagonizing Bella?" Jasper asked in his quiet voice, shaking his head.

I realized I was still standing and quickly sat, embarrassed that they were talking about me again.

"I must say, Jasper, I wish I had your talent when I was dealing with newborns in Volterra," Eleazar commented. "It would have made things much easier."

"I hadn't heard about what you did for them," Alice said.

Eleazar shrugged. "It wasn't anything of moment. It was my duty to discover vampires with unique talents. When I identified a talent for Aro, it sometimes fell to me to help them nurture their gift."

"How did you deal with newborns?" I asked.

"I couldn't calm them down like Jasper can, or tell if they were getting angry. But you still must be able to subdue them if they are out of control. And since they were valuable to Aro, we couldn't hurt them." Eleazar paused and spread his arms. "And as you can see, I'm not very large. That made for a very interesting occupation."

Jasper raised an eyebrow, his interest piqued. "You didn't mention this during our previous visits. You have your own technique?"

A small smile touched Eleazar's lips. "You could say that," he admitted.

Jasper gave an answering smile. "I admit to a certain professional curiosity. Would you mind giving a little demonstration?"

"I would be delighted."

I noticed Carmen rolling her eyes and sighing, but she didn't comment.

All of us, except Carmen and Tanya, filed into the front yard. Eleazar stepped out in front of us all and beckoned Jasper forward. "Jasper would you assist me?" he asked quietly.

Jasper shook out his arms. "What would you like me to do?"

"Well, you are a newborn. What would you do?"

Jasper shrugged. "Charge and tackle."

Eleazar gave a slight nod. "Proceed." He placed one foot slightly forward of the other, and waited.

Jasper blurred with the speed of his charge. He looked about to knock Eleazar off his feet and suddenly Jasper was flying. He tucked and twisted in midair, landing on his feet and skidding to a stop. I looked back at Eleazar, who had stepped back with one foot and turned a little to the side with one hand up near his shoulder, but that was all.

Jasper straightened and beamed. "Does it work with more subtle movements?"

"Certainly. But the more power the opponent uses, the better the results."

"May I?"

"Please."

This time Jasper did not charge, but approached and began striking with hands and feet, sometimes trying to grapple with Eleazar or enclose him in an arm hold. Repeatedly he was shunted aside, set off balance or sent tumbling. Eleazar's face was very composed, only slight shifts in balance, turns of the waist or quick movements of his arms evidence of his defense.

One final twist sent Jasper flying past again. He sat up cross-legged and smiled excitedly at Eleazar. "Brilliant!" he exclaimed. "What art is this?"

Eleazar straightened himself. "It doesn't have a name. I derived it from a number of human martial arts, but the central principal is the sensing of force and redirecting or using it to your own end."

"I'm impressed that you weren't thinking of what you were doing," Edward said. "It was pure reaction."

"That's one of its strengths." Eleazar nodded. "Once you have the first contact, you could even proceed with your eyes closed. You do not need to see or hear what is coming."

"As an old military man, all forms of self-defense interest me," said Jasper. "Would you mind teaching me? I'd be very honored if you would. Since I can no longer calm Bella down, I may have to do things the old-fashioned way. Right now only Edward's voice seems to be able to reach her during an episode."

"Delighted to do so," said Eleazar. "I still have a canvas of my Carmen to work on, but this would be a nice diversion."

Alice raised her eyes to the sky. "Why me? _Why_ _me_?" she lamented.

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Alice returned to the house with Kate. Edward and I sat on patio chairs under the porch and watched Eleazar and Jasper working for a while. From the sound of it, he was explaining the distribution of weight, the stance, and the principle of being grounded. I had never taken martial arts before, so it was all new to me. When Jasper was instructing the family on how to deal with the newborns, their movements were too fast for me to really understand what they were doing.

After a while, the sun began to sink lower in the sky. Edward touched my shoulder to get my attention.

"Bella? Would you like to watch the sunset with me?" His voice was honey smooth as he smiled down at me.

"Sure," I said, keeping my answer short because the butterflies suddenly started to stampede in my stomach.

Edward led me to the top of the hill above the house as the sun sank lower. We sat on the leeward side of the hill, side-by-side, watching the sun go down, the wind turbines spinning silently above us. As the sun set behind the mountains in the west it painted the broad valley and rising mountains in shades of gold and set the snow-capped Denali mountains on fire. Gradually the snow fields all changed into molten gold that slowly dimmed into coppers, bronzes and then the fire went out and they were darkened mountain peaks again. As evening fell, the sounds of the nocturnal animals began to fill the air.

"That was beautiful," I smiled at Edward.

"Wait, there's more," he said.

The evening sky deepened to midnight blue, then violet. Faintly at first, then with building strength, gossamer streamers of greens, pinks and blues started shimmering and twisting across the sky – the aurora borealis. I remembered hearing about it in science class, but the dry description of cosmic rays interacting with the atmosphere did no justice to the beauty and artistry of nature.

I sat with my mouth open, and had no idea when I had opened it. A lump began to form in my throat, it was so beautiful. And I was so touched that Edward had wanted to be the first to share it with me. He was such a wonderful man.

And that was it, in a nutshell. In everything, he put me first – willing to do anything for me, seeing to my comfort, working towards my happiness. When I was human, despite all my faults and short-comings, he had never once stopped loving me. Yet, as much as he loved me, he was willing to sacrifice that love to keep me safe. On top of that, he had forgiven me for every single slight and indiscretion I had committed because of Jacob. That, in itself, was far greater than anything I had ever done for him.

What little part I thought he may have played in my fall, was insignificant in comparison. How could I not forgive him? If I could excuse Jacob for wishing me dead, I could forgive Edward, who had done nothing intentionally to earn my discontent. And I never could stay angry at him for long, anyway.

In that moment, I felt my feelings gel and the sweet warmth that welled up where my silent heart rested took my breath away. I was his, and he was mine; there were no more questions about it.

At the same time, I couldn't help feeling a little nervous. There was no way a sensitive man like Edward could not be moved by the beauty of the sunset and the night sky, and not want to share the mood with me. He was sure to be affectionate, and that would mean touching, and then some. I might want to touch him now, but I wasn't sure if I could do so safely.

As we sat watching nature's fireworks, Edward played with my hair, stroked my arms or back and caressed my hands with his fingers.

"It's all so beautiful," I murmured. "Thank you, Edward."

Edward laughed. "It's nothing I did, except to bring you up here. Nature did all the work. But you know," and he lowered his voice and looked deeply into my eyes. "All of this beauty pales when you're here with me. Your hair…" He paused to run his fingers through my hair and let it cascade from his fingers. "Your hair shimmers more iridescent than the aurora. And your eyes…your eyes shine brighter than the stars to me. I could lose myself in them forever…" He leaned in and kissed me, hungry after all the time apart, sliding softly but insistently over mine.

I answered his kisses, but found myself holding back, only able to give half of my attention to kissing him. The rest of me was distracted by trying to keep control of my arms and my strength, unwilling to hold him as I once would, afraid I might crush him. Where once I would just melt into him, I found myself a bystander in my own body, leaning on my stiff arms while I kissed him.

The time he kissed me after I woke from the fire of transformation, he had let himself indulge for the first time. I had thought since we were both vampires I wouldn't cheat him anymore. And here I was again…cheating him.

I hoped he wouldn't notice anything different, but my hopes were in vain. After a few more kisses, Edward slowed and sat back. My heart wrenched when I saw the confusion in his eyes. He sat quietly as he thought, and I wished I could hear what he was thinking.

"Is…is something wrong, love?" he asked.

There was no way he was not going to notice. Any other time, I would be all over him, and this was our first time alone together as vampires, with no immediate stress to deal with. "What do you mean?" I asked, stalling.

"I've been noticing that you don't hug anybody anymore. Even when I know you normally would. When you thanked everybody for your truck. When we said goodbye to everybody in Forks. When we first arrived today. You keep your arms close to your sides or clasped in front of you all the time."

As always, he missed nothing. Not knowing what to say, I tried to pull my hand away but he held it tight.

"Because you're afraid you'll hurt us?"

Still looking down at our hands, I nodded. I heard a low chuckle and I looked up. Edward had a wry, half-smile on his face.

"Ironic, isn't it?"

"What is?" He had lost me.

"This is exactly how I felt when we first started dating."

"Oh."

It was another human memory I had left behind. We had behaved like a normal couple for so long when I was human, I had forgotten the lengths he went to so we could be together. He made it look so easy after a while. The first time he kissed me, he was so hesitant, so careful. I thought it was so sweet, that he tried so hard for me. If I loved him, could I do any less?

"You remember?" he asked.

I nodded again. "How did you do it?"

"Muscle control," he answered. "And I really, really wanted to touch you."

I looked at my hand, sitting limply between his. The warmth and softness of his skin still sent a tingle moving through my hand. Part of me wanted to touch his face, but fear kept me immobile. He was gazing into my eyes, his liquid gold, and I was surprised to see the yearning there. My heart lurched; I had been wrapped up so deeply in my own troubles I hadn't thought about how he would be feeling.

"But I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt you again," I confessed.

"Let me show you," he said. "Relax your hand. Relax your fingers." He raised my hand to his face, then softly, gently brushed my fingertips across his cheek. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his smooth skin under my fingertips.

"You may be stronger than I am," Edward went on. "But I'm much more durable than you were when I first kissed you."

I opened my eyes and he lifted his hand to my cheek, while still holding my hand to his. We sat there for a long moment, my fingers reacquainting themselves with his face. He pressed my fingers harder against his cheek.

"Do you feel that?"

I nodded.

"It will take much more than that to hurt me."

I was a little more encouraged, as he seemed to be applying quite a bit of pressure to my fingers with no ill affects to himself.

"Do you feel that you could hold me?" he asked slowly, longing in his voice. "Just go slowly."

My heart seemed to melt within my chest at the love and naked desire I could feel coming from him. With a hesitant smile, I leaned in slowly and kissed his soft, cool lips. One long, languid kiss became several, then several more, and I closed my eyes as he trailed small kisses along my cheek. When he sucked my earlobe between his lips, a shiver coursed down my back. Edward's arms went around me and he gently lay me back until we were both stretched upon the tundra grass, his long legs alongside mine as he held himself on one elbow and continued to kiss me senseless.

I began to lose track of my surroundings, the night sounds, the stars and the lights in the sky, as a rising tide of sensation radiated through my body. Edward parted his lips and deepened the kiss, the tip of his soft tongue teasing, touching until I opened to him and tasted his venom. I felt his hand leave my face and glide down, silky and smooth, rubbing small circles on my belly and then rose slowly higher. The pure need began to grow the closer he got, and when his fingers finally brushed across my breast I sucked in a deep breath and moaned. I needed to feel him – all of him – against me, and I needed to feel him, right now!

My lips locked onto his, and my hands moved. I heard cloth tearing and didn't care. The sensation of cool air on skin came to me but that's not what I wanted. When the firm planes of his stomach touched mine I exulted in the feeling. Though I had no heartbeat there seemed to be a sound in my ears, like the pounding of waves breaking on the beach. Wanting him closer, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled.

Edward's mouth jerked away and he cried out, but I wanted those lips back and pulled again. He yelled again but he was making too much noise, and now was not the time for talking anyway. I rolled over him, kissing, holding him close while sliding myself against his chest.

Hands came from nowhere, grabbed me and pulled me away from my mate. Fire erupted in my head – he was mine, they couldn't have him. I tried to fight free and reclaim him but there were too many holding my arms, pinning my legs. I turned my head to bite but something caught me around the forehead and throat.

Then from out of the haze the angel began speaking again, soft and low, promising me all would be well, no one would harm me. The voice called to me and I shook my head violently but it wouldn't let go. My eyes closed and my world became the voice, bringing me closer, settling me to earth. It asked me to take deep breaths, so I tried, forcing myself to take longer, slower breaths until–

My eyes opened to see Edward on the ground, holding himself up with one hand while the other held his ribs protectively. His shirt was in shreds and he held my gaze intently as he spoke quietly to me. I couldn't move my legs because Jasper was before me, his arms locked securely around them. My head didn't move so I rolled my eyes around, taking in the situation. Eleazar held my left arm; Alice and Tanya gripped my right. Someone who smelled like Kate was behind me, holding my head down in a headlock. I looked down and–

I tried to shout "oh crap!" but Kate's grip around my jaw muffled my cry. My sweater was torn half-off and my shirt hung open, the white, cotton bra in tatters. Kate's arm relaxed. "What happened?" I shrieked, but it was pretty obvious. One by one, as they realized I had come back to my senses, everybody let go and I collapsed to the ground, trying to hide, pulling the rags of my clothing in front of me.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_A/N: "Oh crap" is right. What do you think? Feedback is always welcome, good or bad..._


	15. Chapter 14: Education

_**A/N**: Thanks all, for sticking with me so far. I hope you'll find the results worth the wait._

_Many thanks to _sherryola_ and to _ContentedTwiCow__ for guiding me down this path. This story is much better because of you.  
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_Many, many thanks to _Katmom_ - beta extraordinaire - for helping me mold the clay into something intelligible, and helping me fill in the blanks. Hugs and kisses to you all!  
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_Thanks so much to everyone who has read and left feedback, favorited and set alerts. I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort all worthwhile._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just horsing around her corral. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Ch. 14 – Education<span>

"It's all right, love, I'll be fine."

Edward lay on our bed, propped up on pillows, wearing soft pajama bottoms only. Fresh, venom poultices were applied to both sides of his body, as I had re-injured his ribs and given him a matching set on the right side. He patted my hand and tried to reassure me after I had apologized for about the hundredth time.

This was a new, personal hell. Since I was no exhibitionist, I was absolutely mortified that we had been caught in an intimate situation. Alice had seen me undressed before, but the Denali clan was still essentially strangers to me. And for them to see me like _that_ – nothing more than a wild animal – I had no words to describe the depths of my shame.

Furthermore, I had experienced another episode, one not triggered by rage. Just like those incidents, I had no clear memory of the details – only impressions of desire and heat. And now that I had injured Edward again, I didn't think my brain had any more room for the guilt. My fears of him getting hurt – originally by Victoria or the newborn army – had been realized…by me.

"Does it hurt?" I asked in a small voice. Carlisle had instructed us over the phone how to create a dressing of venom to help Edward's healing. I knew it would help, since Edward had been on his feet quickly after the first injury, but the guilt still held on to me, clawing at my chest.

"I'll be all right. You didn't know what you were doing." His evasion basically answered my question, and he reached over and gave my bicep a gentle squeeze. "Didn't I tell you you'd be stronger than Emmett?" He said that with a wry twist to his smile, and I couldn't fault him for trying to cheer me up. I just wasn't ready to forgive myself yet.

"Yeah, but that's the problem," I objected. "If the others weren't around, who knows how badly you might have been hurt?"

Edward fell silent for a moment, his eyes calm, and his face somber. "But they _were_ there. We're here to help you, so try to put that out of your mind."

"I know, I just–" I opened and closed my mouth a couple times. "I just wanted you so much, that was all I could think about."

He shrugged, then grimaced as the movement caused a spasm of pain. "Don't worry about it, love. You just need to wait until the newborn instincts wear off and you get your self-control back."

"No hugging for a while, that's for sure." I frowned at the mess of bandages, and my tide pool of guilt lapped that much higher.

Not only had I hurt him again, but he had waited for me for so long already. The little taste we had on our honeymoon was one human memory I had no trouble recalling, and it bothered me that because of my lack of control, he would continue to go unfulfilled. When I had resolved to forgive him, I'd been relieved that my overwhelming desire for him had not gone away with my humanity. But now I couldn't do anything about it, without injuring him. I certainly didn't have his level of iron control. That thought tickled a fuzzy memory.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?" His eyes were closed and his head lay against the pillow.

"You were able to resist the smell of my blood after a while, weren't you?"

Amber eyes opened to mine. "Yes," was his guarded response.

"Remind me how you did that?"

An ironic snort escaped Edward's nostrils. "It wasn't anything I did."

I cocked my head and waited, my expression expectant.

He swallowed briefly, his Adam's apple bobbing. "When I mistook Harry Clearwater's funeral for yours, I honestly believed that you were dead. The anguish was so debilitating, the only thing that motivated me was to reach Volterra and make it stop. That agony was far greater than any impulse caused by the desire for your blood. To avoid that experience again, it was almost easy to stop myself from hurting you."

The crease was between his eyebrows at the remembered pain, and I stroked his hand to soothe him. "Sorry I brought it up," I said quietly. I was also disappointed, as I didn't have any experience of that kind to help deter me.

Edward raised his head for a moment, staring off into space, then scratched his chin and spoke. "When I first met you, I tried to desensitize myself to the scent of your blood. I stayed in your room and essentially wallowed in it, taking deep breaths to try and get used to the burn. It did seem to help me stay near you, because when I would see you after a brief time apart, I would have to start over and struggle again."

"But you weren't a newborn."

"True, I wasn't." Edward grimaced as he said it. "When I was newborn, the ability to see Carlisle's motivation in his mind – the abhorrence he had of killing humans – helped bolster me. I so did not want to disappoint him."

I dropped my gaze and looked down at our hands. "I don't want to disappoint you either," I said quietly.

Edward's gentle fingers on my chin raised my eyes to meet him. "Don't do that, love, you're not a disappointment to me. Far from it, in fact, so please don't think that way, all right?"

The warmth and caring in his gaze washed over me, a gentle balm that eased my wall of worry a little bit. I gave a little smile and nodded, while his thumb gently caressed my cheek.

"That's not to say my newborn period was easy," Edward continued. "You may have noticed, I sometimes have a temper. I was very quick to anger back then, so it was some time before we were able to try and re-integrate with human society.

"Bloodlust never truly goes away, only your ability to control your own impulses grows as you get older. Eventually, you can stop yourself from giving in to the hunting instinct. If you wanted to try desensitizing yourself, as I did, I can have Carlisle send up a few units of whole blood. With your extra-sensitivity, it may take longer, but, well, were you in any kind of a hurry?"

Edward finished with an ironic tilt of his head, and a quiet smile escaped me. "I'd like to try that," I agreed.

Desensitizing myself might help with getting back to society, but didn't address my other control issues. We sat silently, and I slowly clasped his hand in mine. If only he could hear me coming, so he could fend me off if needed. Then even if I wasn't in control of myself, he would still be safe...

"Hey!" I exclaimed.

Edward raised startled eyes to me. "What's wrong?"

"You should learn from Eleazar with Jasper! When you're feeling better, of course."

"I already know how to take care of myself," he objected.

"He said he didn't need to see or hear to do what he was doing. That would be perfect for you and me."

"You've lost me," he admitted.

"You can't hear me coming," I said, feeling more positive about the idea the more I thought about it. "And you said Eleazar wasn't thinking about what he was doing, just reacting. If you can do what he can do, it won't matter if you can hear me or not. You'd be able to feel my strength and neutralize it without having to hear my mind. Then I don't have to worry about hurting you anymore."

He thought about it silently, his lips pursed as he considered.

"It couldn't hurt, and if it means you're safe from me..." I ended breathlessly. "I just want you to be safe."

"That's not a bad idea," he agreed. "Anything to make you feel better."

I breathed a sigh of relief. If he could keep me injuring him again, that would be one less thing I had to worry about. It didn't help the other feelings, though. Even wrapped in bandages as he was, with his shirt off and the lean, muscled planes of his stomach and chest in plain sight, he still made my breath catch and my hands itched to feel those–

I quickly closed my eyes and took a breath. I needed to get away from the temptations he presented to me.

"You need your rest. Can I get you something to read? Maybe the sisters have something you haven't read."

"Yes, that would be nice. And could you bring the laptop over here, please?"

"Sure." I got up to oblige him. "Fiction or non-fiction?"

"Non-fiction, please. See if they have anything from the Renaissance."

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I had to screw up my courage before I stepped outside. Alice had handed me a fresh shirt after we brought Edward into the house so I was decent, but the last time Eleazar and Jasper had seen me, I was half-dressed and...well...not myself. However, this errand was for Edward, so I set my shoulders and pushed the door open.

Eleazar was working hand-to-hand with Jasper in the middle of the front yard, standing face-to-face with him. Their feet were stationary but spread moderately fore and aft, while they repeatedly pressed forward and settled back as their hands and arms pushed, shifted and turned in a never-ending dance.

Jasper glanced my way as I approached, and the two of them stopped working and relaxed. "How is he?" Jasper asked.

I winced with the guilt and a little embarrassment. "He's resting, but he's in pain. I hope he'll be better soon."

Jasper gave me a confident pat on the shoulder. "He will be. He was up and around fairly quickly the last time, remember?"

"Yeah, but this is both sides of his body."

"Even so, he'll be fine. Takes more than that to stop a vampire."

"Maybe, if he didn't have such a crazy wife, he could get better and stay better," I muttered, then raised my eyes. "Eleazar? When Edward is better, do you think you can teach him, too?"

One aristocratic eyebrow rose slightly. "Does he wish to learn?"

"Yes, he does. And, well, I want him to learn, too," my words tumbled out. "He can't hear my thoughts to warn him when I might do something to hurt him. If he can just feel what's coming and react, he could stay safe from me, right?"

Eleazar nodded. "Yes, I believe so. Certainly, I'd be glad to show him when he's on his feet again."

I smiled in gratitude. "Thank you. Meanwhile, do you have anything non-fiction he could read while he's healing? Maybe something from the Renaissance?"

"Of course. There is a section on the third shelf from the top, east wall of the living room."

"Thanks, Eleazar."

= = CR = = CR = =

I found a book on the Medici family in Eleazar's collection and brought the book to Edward. He was typing quickly on the laptop as I entered the room, but he stopped and smiled up at me. I approached and sat carefully on the bed, making sure not to jostle him.

"I spoke with Eleazar," I began. "He said he'd be happy to teach you."

"All right," he said, evenly. "We'll see how far Jasper progresses by the time I heal."

"What are you working on?" I wondered.

"Just drafting an e-mail to Carlisle, letting him know we arrived safely. Esme will want to know too."

"Asking him to send blood?"

Edward nodded, his forelock of hair falling into his eyes. I figured he would tell Carlisle all the things that had happened on the trip to Alaska, as well as after we arrived, but I resisted the temptation to look at the screen. There weren't many secrets in this family, so I shouldn't be surprised if he did tell them everything. Maybe Carlisle could advise him on how to handle me. I set the book down next to him.

"Here you go. The story of the Medici family. Have you read it yet?"

He glanced down. "Not this particular one, thank you."

His answer made me pause. "Have you ever reached a point where you felt you've seen it all, read it all and wondered where to go from there?"

"I haven't read everything in existence, but there was a time I felt I had played out almost all of my interests. I started to wonder about the futility and tedium of it all." Edward settled his head back against the pillow and gave me an indulgent smile. "That's about when you came into my life. I haven't had time to be bored since then."

I smiled and held my hand open to him. Edward took it, and raised it to his lips, brushing the knuckles like a moth's wing. As soft as it was, the bolt of heat that shot up my arm almost dazed me.

I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I should let you finish. Do you need anything else?"

"No, love. Thank you." He raised his chin and waited expectantly. I leaned close, kissed him softly on the lips, and slowly slid off the bed. Edward favored me with a gentle smile and turned back to the computer.

"Say 'hi' to the family for me."

"I will."

I stood up to leave the room, needing someplace to think, but couldn't help stopping in the doorway, gazing longingly at him – his reddish-brown hair was tousled just right, and the light in the room cast shadows that made his muscles stand out. I sighed and left before I could do anything. I needed to do something about Edward and me. Everyone seemed to think everything would be fine after I finished being a newborn, but that was so far away.

When the thought of making love with Edward had first come up, I felt sure he could learn to control himself enough for us to be intimate. After all, he had learned not to bite me, so this was just another measure of self-control, right? It had taken our honeymoon accident to convince me to wait until I was immortal. And while Edward seemed to have incredible patience where we were concerned, I wasn't satisfied to wait.

But what could I do? What did other people do in this situation? Was there a doctor for this kind of thing? Could I talk to a friend or a family member? I clenched my jaw as the thought reminded me that I had two less friends. Though I hadn't counted Jessica as much of a confidante when she was alive – she tended to be on the gossipy side.

A therapist? That would have to be some kind of record, seeing a counselor after only two weeks of marriage. It would be the shortest session on record too, when I ate the therapist.

I decided to go look for Alice. Shutting my eyes, I let my sense of hearing reach out until I found her – she was speaking with Kate and Tanya about clothing designs. Turning, I followed the sound of her voice toward Kate's room. Before I reached the hallway, I heard Alice excuse herself, then she popped out of Kate's room. She had changed out of her travel clothes into a pink, sleeveless ruffled top with a dark grey, pencil skirt. Stylish, yet totally underdressed for cold weather. Taking me by the elbow, she steered me towards the back door.

"This way," she whispered. When we reached the door, I hesitated, since we weren't dressed for the outdoors. "Come on, it's night time, silly," Alice insisted. "Nobody comes up here, and if they did, they can't even see us."

"Oh, right."

The night air was chilly, but made no difference to us. We ran up the hill towards the wind turbines, crested the hill and kept going. After we had gone a couple miles, Alice came to a stop on a low knoll covered with scrub trees and bushes. Settling daintily on a largish, flattened rock, Alice cocked her head and raised an eyebrow as she sat. I folded my legs and sat on the ground nearby.

"That's one problem with a vampire family – the lengths you have to go, to get a little privacy. What's on your mind, Bella?" In the hushed night air, her wind chime voice seemed rather loud to me. The pale moonlight made her face stand out as her inky locks blended into the night.

I sighed and pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. "Alice, what am I going to do? I keep hurting Edward and I have no idea when I'm doing it. Is there anything I can do about this?"

"Can you tell me what really happened?" she asked. "I only got the reader's digest version after we got up there, and I wasn't paying attention to see what went on before."

My nose wrinkled in disgust at the memory. "Ugh. It's kind of embarrassing."

Alice covered her mouth to suppress a laugh, then calmed herself. Eyes still dancing a bit, she spoke kindly. "Don't worry, I've seen you half-dressed before, Bella. It's not a big deal."

That was true, but she'd never seen me like that. I swear, I would be the first vampire in existence to break into a blush. "Uh, yeah." I took a deep breath and plunged in. "So, Edward brought me up to the top of the hill to watch the sunset and then the northern lights."

"Mmm-hmm."

"After a while, he started kissing me, and one thing led to another…"

"It usually does," Alice smirked. Even in the dim starlight, I could see her eyes twinkling mischievously.

"And…I don't remember too much after that." I sunk my face behind my arms.

"Think, Bella. What were you feeling at the time? Were you mad?"

I hesitated as I thought. "No, not mad. I just…I just wanted him so much. I wanted him to hold me closer. I wanted to hold _him_ closer."

"Do you remember tearing off his clothes?"

"NO!" My cry echoed off the distant landscape, mocking me before dying away. "God, no, I don't. I think I heard cloth tearing, but I can't believe I did that."

"Don't remember much, then?"

"Nothing definite."

"Well, there's your answer." She gave a self-satisfied nod. "It sounds like the violent episodes you had back home, only it's coming from the other side of the emotional spectrum. Love, lust, rage and fear are all powerful emotions. Jasper said you were fairly normal as long as you don't lose it. You're going to have to avoid getting too aroused if you're going to stay in control around him."

The bottom seemed to drop out of my stomach at the thought. "But, how can I? I love him so much, being near him is like breathing to me. Do you mean I'll have to…stay away from him?" My voice broke on the last words.

Alice shook her head. "I don't think you have to be isolated from him. You just can't get so involved. I didn't see that coming anymore than when you got angry, because it's not a long term decision you make. It just…happens…under certain circumstances."

"How long do you think I'll be this way?"

"I'm not sure." Alice shrugged. "I don't have a lot of experience with newborns. You should ask Jasper or Eleazar."

"I can't talk to Jasper about sex!" I squawked, mortified. "That would be just…gross!"

"Well, you can't call your mom. 'Mom, I try to kill people when I get turned on.' What's she supposed to say to that?"

My mom had given me 'the talk' when I was ten, but Alice was right – this was beyond Renee's world view. I just didn't think I could discuss this with Jasper; I could talk to Edward about it, but we were married.

"Anyway, you're not talking about sex." Alice rolled her eyes. "Anger and lust are emotional states. Who better to talk to about working with feelings than an empath?"

"Oh. Good point. Well, we'll see. I'll have to work up to that."

Alice got off the rock, knelt next to me and put her arms around my shoulders. "Don't worry, Bella, it'll be all right. I know it's still strange for you, but believe me, these things are all pretty normal in this world."

"Really?" I asked, skeptically. "Have any of you killed your friends?"

"Rosalie has, but she wasn't on speaking terms with him at the time. Jasper had to kill many vampires, some he knew well." Alice pulled back a little and examined my face. "Still bothering you?"

I nodded quickly, my hair dancing around my face. "Yeah, it still does. I was even blaming Edward for letting me kill them." I dropped my chin onto my knees again. "That was stupid, it's not his fault."

Alice pursed her lips and frowned. "Is that why you don't want to touch him?"

"Well, yes and no." I shook my head. "I mean, that's part of what I was feeling. I hate that I killed them, but he had nothing to do with it. Now I'm just afraid I'll lose it and hurt him again, maybe even kill him."

"At least you feel good enough to talk about things. The last couple of days I wasn't sure what to do about you."

I hadn't realized how unpleasant I would have seemed to the others, and felt another twinge of guilt. "Sorry, Alice. I still feel bad about it, but I guess most of the shock has worn off."

Alice let go and settled down next to me, hip to hip. She leaned into me, her shoulder only coming partway up to mine. Deep in thought, she drew her knees up and rested her chin on them, arms around her legs.

"I can understand that you're having a hard time dealing with things," she said in a kind voice. "But you do know that accidents happen. Didn't Edward tell you about this before?"

I vaguely remembered a story Edward had told me of Emmett. "I think so. Emmett came across somebody who smelled too good and he couldn't help himself."

Alice nodded. "So you knew this was possible coming into it."

I looked away from her. "Yeah."

"So what's the problem?"

I blew out a long shaky breath. "I didn't think that would be me. I wanted to be one of the good vampires."

Alice looked quickly at the sky in exasperation. "Bella, do you consider Jasper, Emmett and Edward to be 'good' vampires?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you know how many humans Jasper has killed and eaten?"

Alice's tone was flat and relentless. I had no idea, but her question hinted at a vast body count. I shook my head.

"Neither do I," she continued. "But that's not the point. It's part of who we are. Do you remember your 18th birthday?"

My eyes narrowed as I thought back unwillingly, and I nodded. It was one of my more significant human memories. Even though I had tried to repress them, the images of a cake, broken glass plates and blood came to mind fairly easily. Jasper's face, wild with bloodlust, still took center stage. Edward said that human memories fade. This was one I wouldn't mind losing.

"You know I loved you even when you were human, right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well, as much as I loved you, I had to leave the room, because I wanted to kill you, too. That's how much a part of us that urge is. You, of all people, should understand that. Especially being with Edward for so long, and being more sensitive to blood than the rest of us. This urge to kill isn't the mark of a bad person, it's just part of your life now."

I guess when you see something everyday, no matter how miraculous, you take it for granted. Edward had mastered the urge triggered by the scent of my blood. He hadn't needed to struggle to control himself around me in so long I had forgotten.

"Do you think you can forgive yourself now?"

Logically, it made sense. But emotionally, I still felt the guilt, like a hot lump of stone in my belly. It was like when I first realized Edward was a vampire. Logic had told me to run away screaming; emotion had said it was too late to run. Now emotion was telling me…

"Ugh," I groaned, let myself fall back onto the cold grass and threw an arm over my eyes. "I don't know. Physically wanting to kill somebody wasn't exactly an everyday occurrence with me, you know?"

Alice went quiet and I could hear her breathing.

"Bella, would you really have kept in contact with your friends after you'd been changed?"

I frowned as I sifted through more hazy memories. Jessica had gone over to the anti-Bella group of classmates up until graduation. Mike had gotten easier to be around once he had resigned himself to Edward's presence in my life, but he was no best friend. I moved my arm so I could see her. "Not really, but that doesn't mean they deserved to die."

"That's not what I'm saying. More that their impact on your life wouldn't have been that significant. From a human perspective, yes, it's a tragedy. Mike's parents have lost their only son, and Jessica's parents will never go to her wedding. But from a vampire perspective, they're only two in an endless string of human lives. Or would be if we weren't vegetarians.

"Do you know why we never tried to get to know the kids in school? You were the only one to ever get close to us."

"They thought you all were too stuck up to be bothered with them."

Alice nodded. "And that's just fine with us. How many times do you think we've been to high school?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

She began ticking items off on her fingers. "First, we don't bother befriending people when there's the possibility of accidents. If you're an acquaintance of the deceased, the police always want to talk to you." Alice waved a hand in the air. "Second, even if there're no accidents, we'd eventually leave them behind and outlive them. We would move on and it would be too much of a complication to keep in touch. And third, frankly it's a little weird to befriend what would basically be our food supply."

I raised myself onto my elbows and stared at the landscape, absorbing Alice's words. If I got close enough to Angela, I'm sure the scent of her blood would be too much for me. But try as I might, I couldn't picture her as food. To me she was still my friend.

"To be fair to you, I didn't have your perspective when I was changed. All I can remember was waking up as a vampire with all the realities of vampire life. This amount of guilt you feel only makes sense if you're measuring yourself by purely human values. You need to learn to value yourself by vampire standards. Carlisle has taught us to value human life, but there will be mistakes. Carlisle forgives you. Edward and I and the rest of the family forgive you, too."

Alice reached over and stroked my hair back from my face. "Can you forgive yourself?"

I gave her a weak, half-smile. "Edward and Esme said pretty much the same thing," I told her.

"Well, they're not wrong," Alice said quietly. "Vampire values acknowledge the occasional accidents." She locked her eyes on mine. "I think the sooner you can accept this life for what it is, the sooner you'll be able to forgive yourself."

I looked back up at the stars, thinking. My eyes gravitated to the Big Dipper. "I was just so afraid I'd lose who I was when I got changed. When I woke up, I wasn't just a bloodthirsty maniac and that made me happy. I felt more or less like myself, except when I got mad or when we were hunting. I'm feeling that if I embrace the vampire life, I need to be a little callous about humans. I don't want to be a ruthless killer when it comes to people. I just don't know if I'm ready to give up the good parts of being human yet."

"Bella, what makes you think you give up your emotions?" she chided me. "If Edward lost the ability to love, you wouldn't be here. So you'll be a kind-hearted vampire. That's not a bad thing. Why do you think Jasper walked away from his previous life?"

"Because he could feel the terror of his victims, and he felt bad about it."

"And you still feel bad about this." It wasn't a question. Alice sighed. "If you can't stop feeling bad about it, maybe you should do something to make up for it. That's one reason Carlisle started down the road to medicine, to make amends for the predations of our kind on humans."

"That wouldn't work for a long time," I said with a little shudder. "Just catching that little whiff of those people at the gas station made me want to go after them."

"It doesn't have to be medicine. Just something that will satisfy this urge you have to make amends. Call it a long term goal, or even a penance if you like."

I liked the idea of making amends somehow. It wouldn't bring back Mike and Jessica, but if I could just make the world a little better…it would be worthwhile. Cheered by this thought, I rolled up to a sitting position and, remembering to use as little strength as I could, put my arms around Alice and gave her a hug. "Thanks Alice, that's a really good idea. I knew I could count on you."

"That's what sisters are for," she said, giving me a satisfied little smile.

The idea of doing something that gave back to the world really appealed to me. I wanted to be able to help someone, and know their life was the better for it. That eliminated my original thought of being a writer; it was too self-centered. Any good that it did for the world was too indirect for what I wanted.

Too bad our books and course materials wouldn't be arriving for another week. Now college and learning weren't just a cover story or a way to pass the time. They were the key to my future and my peace of mind, and I wanted to get started. Maybe not a doctor, but perhaps something else where there wasn't as much blood involved. It had taken Carlisle many years to gain absolute control over his bloodlust for humans. If it took me as many years, I would do it. Then at least I could do something to deserve this life I had chosen.

For now, I needed something to occupy my hands, and perhaps keep my mind off Edward. I decided to see what kind of help the sisters might need around the homestead.

= = CR = = CR = =

The air in the tannery was heavy with the noisome fumes of chemicals used to treat the animal pelts. Talk about an education. When I had asked Kate and Tanya if there was anything I could do to help around the house, they had apologized and said the only thing there was to do at the moment were some pelts that needed finishing in the workshop, but they wouldn't ask a guest to help with that. Really hoping for something to occupy my mind, I had enthusiastically volunteered. Little did I know. Fortunately, I didn't need to breathe, so it wasn't as bad for me as it might have been when I was human.

At first I had really needed to build up my determination to even approach Tanya and Kate, to ask what I could do to help. Tanya had immediately begun to razz me for being a greater succubus than she, and I wasn't sure if I were more embarrassed or angry. Kate, however, would have none of it. She had immediately silenced her sister, and reassured me not to feel embarrassed while growing through my newborn state – they had all experienced it, in one way or another. While I was still sensitive about my lack of control, I was very grateful for her support.

For the next day after his injury, Edward had read and worked on his laptop. I had helped out in the workshop when I wasn't taking care of him. Granted, there was little I could do to speed his recovery, and he didn't really need a nurse, but I had to do something and I liked keeping him company. Then after his injuries had sealed and the bandages came off, I had a hard time staying away from him. Rather than risk getting into a situation where I might get carried away again, I spent more time in the workshop. Eventually, he was able to get up, and he went off to join Jasper and Eleazar.

The tannery was a large room off to the side from the main workshop, and it was separate for a good reason. When Kate described the ancient process of tanning – using urine and fecal matter to preserve animal skins – I had shuddered in disgust. I was glad they had graduated to modern methods. Ammonia and formalin weren't so bad in comparison.

Kate stayed with me, showing me what to do. I appreciated her patience as she explained the process of how they turned animal hides into clothing. In a way she reminded me a lot of Angela. She was calm and rather quiet, and very considerate.

Animal skins with the fur still on were stretched onto racks to dry, as I had seen in the main workshop. This began the preservation process by removing the moisture from the skins to prevent rotting or mold. Fortunately the dry Arctic air was well suited for this purpose.

Once dry, the skins were soaked in a salt solution to restore a certain amount of moisture to the skins and make them more pliable for working. Then they could be scraped to remove any remaining flesh, fat or connective tissue. That's what I was in the middle of doing. I had a long, curved blade in my hand, carving away the unwanted tissues still clinging to the hide. I spoiled one hide by carving too close and went all the way through it, gouging a large hole. Frustration at my clumsiness started to mount in my head but I was able to get it under control again before I could lose my grip. Thankfully, Kate's calm demeanor helped keep me from getting too excited and helped bring me back down.

I found it very easy to talk to Kate. Even though she knew why we had fled Forks, she was not judgmental, and we chatted easily while we worked. She promised me that making clothing out of the finished pelts was more pleasant than this and I would enjoy that more. I laughed and told her I didn't mind. It was interesting learning where leather came from.

Irina continued to be unpleasant, and after awhile, it was easier to avoid her than try engaging her in conversation. I held a vague human memory of Irina denying us help when Victoria's newborn army came calling, but still didn't understand why she would hold such a grudge. One day when Kate and I were alone in the workshop, I asked if she knew what Irina's problem was.

"It all started with Laurent," Kate began. "We were quite surprised when he arrived here, and more surprised when he said he had learned of us from Carlisle. He seemed to be a very charming fellow, and it had been a while since we had seen an unattached vampire, so naturally we let him stay. He seemed to like Irina the best." Kate gave me a rueful smile and a shrug. Then her brows drew together. "What happened with him down there? I never knew why he left, and then Irina heard that he was killed by werewolves. She has been upset ever since."

I wrinkled my nose, not at the smells, but at the unpleasant memories. "He was working for an old friend, Victoria, trying to see if Edward's family was still protecting me. If not, she was going to come kill me."

Kate looked up in surprise. "But why?"

"Her mate, James, almost killed me, but Edward killed him instead. She thought it would be fairer to kill me, and since I was human it would have been easier."

"He was spying for her?" Kate's voice came in a hiss.

I nodded, and shifted the hide I was working on around so I could get at a new section.

"I knew something wasn't right with him," Kate muttered. "But I never said anything."

We were interrupted by a knock on the tannery door. It was Jasper. "Bella, would you mind coming and helping us with something?"

"Me?" My voice squeaked with surprise.

"Yes. Eleazar said Edward needs your help."

I felt a moment of apprehension, not sure what I would be able to do for him. "All right, I'm coming."

I put down my scraper, washed my hands in the sink and dried them. On the way through the workshop, I had to pass Irina's workbench. She was studiously ignoring us as she cut patterns out of a finished caribou pelt. I stopped at her workbench, hoping to extend an olive branch.

"Irina? I'm so sorry about Laurent." I spoke hesitantly, not sure if she would be receptive.

As I feared, Irina turned an angry scowl on me, her black irises seeming to spark with her anger. "What do you care? You're all wolf-lovers! I thought he left me. But he never came back because of your cursed wolf friends!"

I stepped back in the face of her ire. "I'm sorry, but I was human and he was going to kill me! If it weren't for the wolves I wouldn't be here now!"

Irina's glare seemed to darken even more, if that was possible. She stood up from her workbench, shears clenched in one hand. For a moment, her expression flickered between anger and calm. Then she glanced at Jasper and settled for annoyance. "So you got him killed," she accused.

"No!" I objected. "I didn't know what they were then! I thought they might kill me if Laurent didn't, but then he ran away. I didn't even know he was dead until later."

Kate broke in quietly. "Irina. I didn't want to tell you, but there was more to him than just what we saw."

Irina turned on her sister. "What do you mean? Have they been telling tales to you?"

Kate's eyes narrowed at Irina's words. "No, I have my own eyes. I liked him, too, but he wasn't devoted to our way. He kept ties with his old friends, too."

Irina sputtered for a moment. "You're just jealous because he chose me. I won't hear any more lies about him."

"We're not lying," I said. I could feel some anger building, but Jasper wouldn't be able to take mine away. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice calm so I wouldn't get carried away. "He was spying on Carlisle's family for his friend, Victoria. I was hiking in the woods when he was out there hunting. He said he was thirsty and he was doing me a favor to kill me quickly instead of letting her do it."

"I know you grieve for him, sister," Kate said. "But he was working for an enemy of our family. Who do you think sent the newborn army to destroy them?"

"I don't have to listen to this," Irina objected. She tossed her work on the bench and turned on her heel. The door swept open and banged against the workshop in her wake.

As the door swung back, I shook my head. "I just can't leave well enough alone, can I?" I asked rhetorically.

"She needed to hear the truth," Kate opined. "Come."

= = CR = = CR = =

Edward and Eleazar were waiting for us in the front yard. Time was beginning to become meaningless to me, but Jasper and Eleazar must have been going for at least two days. I did a quick calculation. For a human, if martial arts lessons were anything like ballet, one session might be two or three hours long. Then there would be two or three sessions a week depending on the student's schedule. If so, they had put in what would have been about eight weeks of work for a human.

"Haven't you guys taken a break?" I asked, and felt silly the minute I uttered the words.

Edward's expression seemed to be a little frustrated to me. The distraction of working out and the brief time apart didn't seem to have eased things for him. I would have to do something for him, and soon.

Eleazar chuckled. "You are still new to this life, yes? You will see. As long as an activity is of interest, we can go for a very long time. But, we come to beg your assistance." He indicated Edward and Jasper with an elegant gesture.

"Edward's gift is wondrous, but it hampers his ability to execute what I'm trying to convey. He still relies on that second hearing, so he is not reacting from his body, but his mind."

Remembering something Eleazar said, I asked, "I thought you said this takes no thinking?"

"I've never had a student like Edward," he replied. "Defense on my part takes no thinking. But apparently, offense takes some thought, although very little. Offense in this system is like throwing a bucket of water at a wall – the water flows of itself and finds its own openings. But even though we sense the openings very quickly, Edward still hears that. He is developing some very bad habits."

Eleazar paused when he saw my puzzled face. "What did you need me to do?" I asked.

"Edward cannot hear you. If you can be a training partner for him, it would be a great help to his training."

It finally dawned on me what they were asking. "So, to help him, would I have to learn too?"

"Yes, Bella. If you would not mind."

"Me! Learn karate!" My mouth hung open as I boggled at the idea. I'd never done anything like this in my life.

"Well, it doesn't have a name, but…yes."

"Eleazar taught me a little," Kate spoke up. "It's useful, but I have my own advantages so didn't go very far into it."

"But I might hurt him!" I objected.

"Not to worry," Eleazar soothed me. "Beginning exercises are very controlled, rather slow, and do not use power. By the time you need to use any effort, I expect he should have enough of an understanding to protect himself from you." Eleazar placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Edward mentioned some of your concerns. I think you will find it will also help with mental focus, and regaining your self-control."

Edward gave me a little smile of encouragement. "Did you have anything better to do until our class materials arrive?"

Faded memories of gym class and physical endeavors of all kinds came to mind, none of them very pleasant. But maybe my new mind and body would be able to handle it better. This wasn't exactly what Edward needed from me, but it was some little thing I could do to help him.

"Okay," I agreed. "But be careful. Jasper, if I'm going to lose control you better grab hold of me."

Jasper nodded. "Between Eleazar and myself, I think we can take care of one newborn."

I blew out a long breath, reached back and cinched up the hair tie on my ponytail. "All right, what do I do?"

Eleazar began again. This was his third time starting with a beginner, but he showed no signs of impatience. Once again he started with the basics. It was the second time I had heard it, so some of it actually started to make sense. As Eleazar began with me, Edward and Jasper stepped up to each other, and began some exercise where they crossed arms and pushed forward, and drew back, forward and back, hands moving to fend each other away.

The basic stance had one foot forward, feet shoulder-width apart, weight evenly distributed and knees slightly bent. The posture was upright, but not stiff or locked in. The intent was to create a framework that was grounded and strong, but remained flexible enough to respond to greater forces.

"When faced with the power of a newborn, you cannot stand against it head-on and expect to emerge unscathed," Eleazar said. "It is much better to be able to re-direct or neutralize their power."

"Can't you duck?" I asked, remembering Emmett's practice bout with Jasper, when Jasper had showed the assembled fighters how to evade a newborn's grasp.

"Go ahead," he said, and brought his fist around in a slow-motion hook. I ducked under it and his other hand tapped me on the shoulder. "When faced with a skilled opponent, if you give too much of your body to evasion, it can be used against you." He placed a hand on my elbow and raised me to my original position. "Better to keep one's attention focused on the opponent, so one can meet all the challenges they bring to you."

"How?"

"That brings us to the next part. Follow me." He began leading me through what I had first thought were choreographed dance moves when he showed Jasper earlier. I realized they were the arm positions and movements of attack and defense, shifting the weight properly in the stance while maintaining balance. The movements were fairly efficient and compact, no wild swings or sweeping gestures. When I had run through them several times with him, he stepped back to watch me. To my surprise, I remembered them all and didn't miss one. The ability to process many inputs at once also helped, as I could pay attention to moving my arms one way, while keeping the knees bent, the waist turning in the correct amount, and how the whole body felt in the process.

A small smile of satisfaction touched my lips. Edward wasn't kidding about the good memory and the abilities. My old gym teachers would be amazed at me. I ran through the set movements several more times, making sure I knew them all by heart. Occasionally Eleazar needed to correct my arm positions, stance or posture imperfections.

We worked as the sun peaked behind the overcast, then began to fall, casting a dim light on the valley. Eventually, my thirst made itself known again. I couldn't believe it was two days already. Jasper sensed it almost as soon as I did. This time, rather than fight it and get to the point of being ravenous, I asked for a break.

"This is good timing," Eleazar said, then gave us a guilty look. "I seem to have lost track of time. I should get back to my canvas anyway. Carmen doesn't always feel like sitting for me so I have to take advantage when she's in the mood. When you've returned, come find me. If Carmen is ready for a break, we'll resume."

This time, Kate came hunting with Edward, Jasper and I. Jasper and Edward were not thirsty, but came for me. Edward kept watch with his other sense. It was unlikely he would find anybody in this remote and rugged wilderness, but I was thankful he and Jasper were there.

Kate knew her lands and, like a good hunting guide, was familiar with the habits of the animals in her range. We located a herd of caribou less than five miles from the house, near a watering hole formed by one of the myriad streams. I took one down and this time I didn't make quite as much of a mess as in previous hunts. Kate also killed one of her own.

When the sisters brought down prey, they didn't hide the body, or leave it for the scavengers the way we did. Kate unsheathed a small hunting knife, and quickly field dressed it. Afterwards she handed the knife to me. I did my best to emulate what she did. Fortunately precision wasn't required, and I was used to gutting the many fish Charlie brought home. One side benefit of the vampire diet – field dressing wasn't quite as messy since the blood was already drained out of the carcass.

While I worked, I found Edward's eyes on me. When he caught my eye he quickly smoothed over his expression and tried a wry smile. "I never thought I'd see you doing something like this," he remarked.

"Well, when in Rome…" I said with a shrug. Soon I was finished. I stooped and lifted the dressed carcass across my shoulders like Kate had.

"Let me help you with that, love." Edward reached out, but I shook my head.

"That's okay. I'm stronger than you are now," I said to him with a smile, and was rewarded by his low laugh.

We brought the carcasses back to the workshop, and I was rather relieved not to see Irina working there just now. I wondered how we could stay in her house with her so upset at us, but Kate was steadfast in her insistence on extending their hospitality.

Skinning an animal was an art in itself, to get as much of the pelt off in one piece as possible. Thankfully, after my clumsy attempts at fleshing, Kate said she or the other sisters would take care of that. I might be able to bring down large game with my bare hands now, but in other ways I was still a city girl.

Eleazar was still painting when we returned. Rather than disturb him and Carmen, we returned to the front yard to work some more. Kate paired off with me, giving me the benefit of her knowledge.

"I'm curious about your gift," she said as she adjusted the position of my elbow.

"In what way?" I asked.

"Are you able to shield others without touching them?"

"I've never tried. I didn't know it would shield others until we found out by accident. Edward was first to discover my touch neutralized his gift."

"The reason I ask is because I was able to extend my ability, so perhaps you could as well. It might be useful." She gave me a knowing smile. "For example, no man touches me unless I wish it."

I laughed briefly with her. I had wondered what my special ability might be if I developed one. But my gift, as I now thought of it, had always been passive. It was there, it worked and I didn't need to think about it. It might be interesting to have an active gift like Edward or Jasper. "How did you do it?" I wondered.

"In the beginning, I was only able to do it with my hands. It felt like a tingling in my fingers, so I tried pushing that tingling out to the other parts of my body. It wasn't easy but eventually I was able to cover all of my body in it. Try it. Do you feel anything there?"

I stood still and closed my eyes. I tried to sense anything in my body that tingled. But there was nothing special, just the vampire body I was still getting used to. I opened my eyes and shook my head. "Nope, can't feel anything."

Kate shrugged. "Well, no harm trying. You'll have enough to learn to keep you occupied now anyway."

And she was right. Without even planning it, my life had fallen into a new pattern. Before, my days had been divided into five priorities: Edward, school, taking care of Charlie, Jacob, and work. Now Edward was still my first priority, and that meant regaining my self-control. The risk of an episode kept me away from Edward, as well as keeping us trapped here and separated from the family. School figured second as the means to assuage part of my emotional issues. Training promised to help things with Edward, if he could fend me off and keep me from hurting him. Not surprisingly, most of my life in some way revolved around Edward. Finally, helping the sisters in the workshop was more in the way of thanking them for their hospitality. It was also interesting work, though sometimes smelly.

I rather liked the lifestyle that the sisters lived here. The pace was slower and they lived closer to the land, which seemed to have a grounding effect on me. And while things were still not great with me, there seemed to be a path forward. I couldn't change how I felt like flipping a light switch, but I could work on the things that I could address directly. Perhaps in the process I would be able to work things out and once again be comfortable being close to Edward. I felt a little more positive now that I had some direction and a goal to work towards.

= = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_So what do you think? Love to hear from you, good or bad._


	16. Chapter 15: Progress

_**A/N**: Thanks all, for sticking with me so far. I hope you'll find the results worth the wait._

__Thanks so much to everyone who has read and left feedback, favorited and set alerts. I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort all worthwhile.__

_And of course I want to thank the women in my life (no, not them, this ain't the Academy Awards). Many thanks to the lovely _sherryola _for pre-reading and giving me a nudge in the right direction. And I couldn't do this without _Katmom_ - awesome beta - who keeps me from embarrassing myself. :-) Hugs and kisses to you both!  
><em>

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just borrowing the tools from her woodshed. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Ch. 15 – Progress<span>

Time, which had seemed to slow down for a while, now began to move again. Maybe it was because I had discovered more things to occupy my mind, or maybe I was getting used to not sleeping at night. Either way, I didn't have as much opportunity to brood.

I also discovered first hand there was a practical side to Alice's shopping – vampires were hard on clothing. Or maybe it was just me. During one hunt, I destroyed my last, favorite pair of sneakers chasing down a dodging elk. Mere canvas and rubber were nowhere near as durable as vampire feet.

Edward was happy for me that I had a better idea of what I wanted to do in life. He came up with a number of suggestions on careers I could pursue that might make a difference to society, and still worked with our lifestyle. I could easily fulfill the physical requirements to become a police officer or a paramedic, but becoming a firefighter was out of the question because of how flammable our venom was. At any rate, the schedule of emergency workers was always unpredictable – even if one were able to work the graveyard shift.

I thought about being an aid worker, volunteering with the Red Cross and traveling to different parts of the world rendering aid in disaster situations. But disasters happened in all parts of the world, and it wouldn't be very charitable to only give aid to gloomy, overcast regions.

Nursing was a possibility. Maybe not a surgical nurse, but a registered nurse or nurse practitioner. Some areas of nursing practice involved less blood than others. I could even work in a hospice, comforting the terminally ill. All of these were incumbent on me mastering my bloodlust, so were a long way off. Maybe my random comment about doing something like Mother Theresa wasn't so silly after all. But whatever I settled on, I would feel better if it was involved with healthcare of some kind. I would need to change my major to biology, but wouldn't be able to do that until the next school year. Edward was enthusiastic about going pre-med as well. It had been over a decade since he had last been through medical school, so he was looking forward to the advances in science.

In the days before our books arrived, Edward and I both spent quite a bit of time training with Eleazar. While it was an activity I'd never pursued before, the abilities of my new body made it interesting and I was curious to see how far it could go. I still wasn't graceful, but now I had some hand-eye coordination. I was gratified that I was able to follow Eleazar's instructions, and do a half-decent job of executing them.

Everything revolved around the center of gravity, and how the arms and legs transferred the force of the opponent through the center into the ground. Stay on center, and one could attack. A slight turn of the wrist or movement of the waist was enough to turn the attack off the center. With the energy dissipated, it was a simple matter to press the arm or fist down to create openings to attack.

Jasper was the best of the three of us, when using the system. I'm sure his decades of fighting experience helped. I qualify the classification because normally he and Edward were even – Edward couldn't help "cheating" with his second hearing.

This is not to say that everything went smoothly. I still had a number of rage episodes that the boys had to bring me down from. One came when Eleazar introduced me to the two-man exercises.

Not used to physical confrontation, I was nervous from the start, so standing face-to-face with Eleazar made me extra jittery. He introduced me to the exercise slowly: push forward, try to press the opponent off balance, then recover, draw back and fend off their energy. Back and forth, back and forth, tentative at first I tried to follow him the best I could.

A sudden shout from Edward and a curse from Jasper distracted me, and I accidentally pushed with my full strength. For a moment, it felt like I was suspended over a void as Eleazar let the energy from my attack flow past him. Then a massive explosion of force struck me in the chest and I flew backwards, out of the front yard. I landed on my butt, and rolled head over tail to a stop, almost to the wall of the workshop.

My temper also exploded, and I wasn't sure if the roaring came from me or was just something in my ears. I scrambled to my feet, ran and leaped back to the front yard in one bound and tried to smash the black-haired man into the ground. But he wasn't there. I turned and started swinging at him, but he brushed me aside. Trying to grab him, I flew by and fell to the ground beyond. Then two others tackled me, followed by the black-haired man. I struggled for a while, squirming and kicking, until the angel's voice reached out to me again. Slowly, I felt the anger seep out of me, leaving me feeling empty, but calm.

"Your gift would be so much better, Jasper," Eleazar was saying when my hearing cleared. His voice was even, not agitated at all. "As you see, I'd have to keep doing this until they gave up or others would come help subdue them."

"I'm sorry, Eleazar!" I cried, mortified that I'd attacked him. "I didn't mean to lose it!"

Edward and Jasper slowly let me go, Edward remaining beside me with his hand on my shoulder. Eleazar smiled as he also let go and squatted in front of me. "No harm done. But you see the importance of maintaining control, yes? By now, you know the movements well enough to use them. But when you lost control, you reverted to pure power. And that wasn't very effective, was it?"

I shook my head.

"You also see that, when you know how, the more energy the opponent gives you the more you can give in return. We'll start again, and keep it slow and gentle. Don't be fearful, but don't be greedy. Only then can you respond properly." Reaching for my hand, he and Edward helped me to my feet. Edward gave me a smile of encouragement and returned to where Jasper waited for him. Eleazar and I picked up where we left off, and I did my best to follow him.

And as Eleazar had suggested, the exercises slowly did help with the self-control. The frequent feeling of being under attack – but having to stay focused and not allow the rage to take over – started to desensitize me to what Carlisle had called the fight-or-flight response. I wasn't as twitchy as before: sudden movements and noises didn't startle me as they once did. I was still easily distracted – vampire senses didn't turn off – but at least I was starting to gain some control over myself.

After working with me for several days, Eleazar moved me to the two-man exercises with Edward, as he had intended all along. The first time we had touched hands was difficult for both of us. We both stood in the ready position, left hands crossed at the wrists. All I could think about were his cracked ribs. They were fully healed, but I couldn't help worrying I might hurt him again.

When Eleazar broke through our defenses, instead of delivering a blow with his fist, he would thump us on the chest or shoulder. It didn't hurt and was an effective signal that he had gotten the upper hand. But if I got past Edward's hands, would I be able to keep myself from delivering too hard of a blow? Would I break his ribs yet again? I waited for him to begin but he also just stood there, the muscles in his face and jaw working as he stared at me, a haunted look in his eyes. Then he straightened and dropped his hands.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I can't do it," he said, shaking his head, and turning away.

"Edward? Is something wrong?" It was Eleazar, watching us from where he was working with Jasper.

"I…I can't attack Bella," Edward said, in an agonized voice. "It's antithetical to me. My whole being cringes at the thought of it."

Eleazar stepped back from Jasper and pursed his lips, considering options. "That's… unfortunate, Edward. To learn this system, you need to be able to listen with your hands."

He clasped his hands behind his back and paced slowly toward us. "I can teach you the gross, physical movements. You may be able to read the proper techniques from my mind. But you have to be able to feel it with your own hands. Unless you can learn to trust what your hands feel, you'll be limited to what your eyes tell you. Your gift is second nature to you and may suffice for most situations. But that won't help you with Bella. You can't learn this unless you can touch her hands."

Edward nodded, but his attitude was one of defeat. He turned away and started toward the house.

"Let me talk to him," I said to Eleazar. I caught up to Edward at the front steps. "Edward, wait."

Edward turned to face me but he didn't speak, the look of defeat still on his face.

"Edward, we can't stop now. We've just gotten to the important part."

Edward gazed at me for a long time. His pupils were beginning to darken from golden since our last hunt in Forks. "Do you know how much effort I've expended in order to protect you?" he asked, his voice heavy. "I love you too much to ever raise a hand to you. It goes against every instinct I have."

I closed my eyes as my own guilt assailed me again. Moving closer and sitting down on a step, I tugged gently on his hand for him to join me. After a moment he folded his long legs and settled on the step next to me.

"I know what you're feeling, Edward. I don't want to raise a hand against you either. I've done it three times so far, and I don't want to hurt you again. But look." I raised our clasped hands to show him. "I've made some progress of my own. Last week I didn't want to touch you at all. I was so afraid that I'd hurt you."

"Hmm, that's true," he admitted.

"Edward, I know this sounds selfish after all I've put you through, but we need this. You want me to feel like I can trust myself to touch you again, don't you?"

His eyes burned at me for a moment, before fading into sadness. Then he nodded, and brushed the back of my hand with his fingertips. It tickled. Sudden inspiration struck me. It might be hokey but if he was willing to try I didn't care.

"I'll bet there's one thing about me you don't know," I challenged him.

His brows furrowed as he wondered.

"You don't know if I'm ticklish. You never did try when I was fragile."

"I would have broken _your_ ribs," he rumbled.

"Well, now you won't, so let's get back to work. I need to learn this, too. Eleazar is teaching me to control my strength. Too much and he uses it to defeat me. He also says it will help me get my self-control back. I–" I looked up at him. "I want to be able to be close to you. But if I lose control every time we get…involved, I can't trust myself yet."

I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You don't need to attack. As long as you can defend yourself from me, I'll be happy. But if you want to try, don't think of it as attacking me. You're trying to find out if I'm ticklish. I'm sure it sounds nuts but you just need to try to get through. It'll be the same idea."

He raised an eyebrow and did look at me like I was nuts. It would have been funny under other circumstances. "You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all," I said. "Please, Edward. Just try."

Suddenly he chuckled and shook his head. "You're funny today," he replied. "All right, I'll try." He stood, then gazed down for a moment. A smile touched the corner of his mouth and he stooped. I giggled as he lifted me into his arms, and we stole a kiss or two before he carried me back out to the front yard.

We rejoined Jasper and Eleazar and got started again. After the first few tentative passes, Edward finally settled into the exercise. To my surprise, now it was Edward who struggled. I hadn't realized how much he relied on his gift. More often than I cared to, I found myself slipping through his defenses and stopped short, not trusting myself to control the blow. This was quite an eye-opener to the both of us – I had always considered Edward to be my superior in everything we did. Rather than make me feel good about myself, I felt worse, knowing that he still couldn't defend himself from me.

Fortunately Edward was a quick study. He said it helped that he could read what Eleazar wanted him to do right out of his head. But the feel of hands on hands still had to be experienced himself. After a few days, he began to catch on, and it wasn't as easy to get through as before. But I still could; I wasn't ready to totally trust myself around him.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

The atmosphere in the workshop was strained. I had another rage episode, this time involving Irina. Kate had started me cutting patterns out of the cured pelts. I was no seamstress but it wasn't difficult; it was like cutting patterns out of construction paper in grade school. Even Alice helped in her way, by creating new designs for the sisters' native clothing line. Some of the designs were a little impractical for fur but gave the sisters new ideas to try.

Caribou and other animal pelts were much tougher than construction paper, but no match for vampire strength. However, the quality of my pieces didn't seem to satisfy Irina's exacting standards, and had elicited a fairly constant stream of criticism from her. I tried to hold onto my temper, but it wasn't easy. One final comment about an infant being able to do a better job was all I could take.

"Look! I'm just trying to help out, okay?" I had shouted.

"Did I _ask_ for your help?" she had retorted. "You and your family always ask us for our help. But you never _give_ help! Not when it matters!" We were both standing now, in each other's faces and I didn't remember rising from the bench. Kate had tried to get between us, to push us both back but we ignored her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just go back to Washington and your wolf friends!" she had yelled, and pushed me in the chest. Tripping on a bench, I had fallen back onto the floor.

That did it. With a scream of rage, I jumped up and delivered a two-handed push with as much power as I had. She flew backward and crashed through the doors of the workshop, broken wood scattering in all directions. I rushed after her through the hole in the door as a shout came from behind me.

Outside, the blonde hair was just getting to her feet, halfway into the yard. I leaped forward to grab her and crush her, but she jumped straight up, avoiding my grasp. I lurched around, looking up for her, and she came down behind me, trying to get an arm around my neck. I grabbed the arm, keeping her from getting a choke hold. Then I pulled the arm forward and heaved her over my shoulder, sending her flying again.

Two new bodies suddenly tackled me from behind. I tried to wrench my arms or legs free so I could deal with this new threat. As I struggled, I slowly realized that the screaming was coming from me. Through all that, the voice came to me again, soft and calming – my angel had returned. The rage left me like sand from an hourglass, and I stopped screaming, my breath still coming quickly.

Kate knelt next to Irina, helping her to sit up. They were talking quickly in a language that I guessed was Slovak. Edward and Jasper let me go, now that I had control of myself again.

"Is everybody okay?" I cried.

"No limbs lost," was Kate's reply.

"Irina, I didn't mean to do that," I said. "But you've been on my case ever since we got here. I never met you before I came up here, so what's your problem?"

Irina spat some harsh and guttural foreign words at me. From the tone I was glad I didn't know what she said. She glared at me as she got shakily to her feet, and walked back to the house, muttering all the way.

We spent the rest of the day repairing the doors to the workshop. Edward, Jasper and Kate were all quite handy, and I helped where I could. The doors were repaired in no time. Irina stayed inside and rested, complaining of a sore arm and shoulder.

After the incident, Irina and I were careful to avoid each other. I didn't want to be the cause of more conflict, and for some reason, I seemed to set her off. Kate suggested I might want to give Irina some time to cool down. I agreed, but I enjoyed spending time in the workshop with Kate. So on days I wanted to visit, I took extra pains to check if Irina was working before I would enter the building.

Another week went by and some things arrived for us in the mail. Alice and Tanya had made a quick trip into town to pick up some supplies needed for the workshop. Alice was trying to help the sisters expand their line using denim, so needed to get some cloth. When they checked in at the post office, our books – and a package from Carlisle – had arrived.

Eager to try desensitizing myself to blood, I enlisted the others' help. Jasper, Edward and Eleazar would restrain me if needed, while Alice introduced the blood sample. We gathered on the front porch – less breakables for me – and began the experiment. Alice brought out a small plastic bag containing a cotton ball, moistened red with a few drops of blood. A slight breeze blowing under the porch brushed the hair away from my face, and carried Alice's delicate scent to my nostrils.

When Alice opened the bag, my mind left my body – it was nothing like the scent of animal blood; that only beckoned half-heartedly at me. The scent grabbed my focus in an iron grip, while all my other faculties searched madly for the human that must be hiding nearby. I think I lunged up from where I was sitting, then could move no more. As I started to struggle free, my ears filled with a calming, gentle voice. Closing my eyes, letting those words become my world, the pounding need to hunt gradually subsided. I finally opened my eyes again to Alice's smiling face. The blood sample was nowhere to be seen, and Edward was behind me, whispering gently in my ear, his arms wrapped about my waist.

"Is everybody all right?" I asked, and received their reassurances as they assumed more relaxed attitudes. "Well, that could have gone better."

"Nonsense," Edward retorted, and gently turned me around to face him. "Now we know that dose was too much. We'll try smaller amounts until we find what you can stand. Some sharks can smell blood down to one part per million in seawater, but that doesn't automatically trigger a feeding frenzy. We'll just have to find what your level is."

Slightly encouraged, I rubbed his cheek fondly, while Alice went inside to prepare another, smaller sample. Glancing at Jasper, and Eleazar as well, I was so very thankful to have family, and that I didn't have to go through this experience by myself.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

With the arrival of our books, Edward and I added reading, studying and homework to our daily routine. College history was not as difficult as I thought it might be. Some of the material was familiar from high school, although more detailed. In my English literature class, we were studying _A Tale of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens. Now that I had decided to pursue a more useful career, I didn't have as much motivation for this subject as before, but I still enjoyed reading so it wasn't too much of a stretch for me.

I had always considered myself a decent student, as long as I put my time in. Math tended to be my weakest subject and needed extra attention. However, from the very first assignment, school was now a brand new experience. For one thing, the photographic memory was very useful, as I could recall images of entire pages from my textbooks. Answering assigned questions was suddenly no challenge at all. For our first history assignment, Edward and I read the assigned material, wrote up the homework, and were ready to e-mail the work to our instructor in less than an hour. However we needed to maintain the façade of normalcy, so we waited the allotted week before sending it.

We worked on schoolwork during the day, taking advantage of natural light to power the solar panels for when we needed to write papers or do homework. Workouts with Eleazar moved to the evening and night hours when we didn't need the light. I wondered how we would manage during the months when the sun didn't shine. Edward assured me that the wind turbines produced enough power to charge the house batteries. Having two systems was insurance, since there would be times when the solar arrays would be covered with snow.

Edward sat next to me whenever we did homework now. Partly because he wanted my company, but also to take advantage of my capability to mute his second hearing. While his mental ability was second nature to him, he enjoyed being 'normal' again during those times he wanted to concentrate. My gift seemed to work better with skin-to-skin contact, so I wore short-sleeve shirts for him, or rolled up my sleeves.

One morning, after a long workout session through the night with the boys, I returned to our room to write an essay on the theme of redemption in _Tale of Two Cities_. After a while, Edward came into the room. I thought he was going to work on homework as well, but he seemed to be nervous. It might have been my imagination; I had done my best not to give him a reason to be nervous around me. I set my book aside. "Hey you, what's up?"

Edward pulled the other chair closer to me, sat and took my hand. "Bella, love, do you know what day today is?"

I searched his face for a hint as to why he might be nervous but nothing came to mind. Squinting one eye, I tried to remember what the date was, as I hadn't been paying attention. We really needed to put a calendar in the room…

"Oh!" I exclaimed. My eyes grew wide with surprise.

"That's right, sweetheart," Edward said with a smile. "Happy birthday!" He leaned close and kissed me on the cheek.

"Now just a minute, I stopped aging last month," I retorted. "I'm still eighteen, remember? What's the point of counting birthdays when we're going to live forever?"

Edward gave my hand a squeeze. "I know, but it's the day that brought you into the world. To me, that's one of the most important days of the year. How can I let today go by without some kind of commemoration?"

I dropped my eyes at that, still a little embarrassed. But I figured if I couldn't make him happy one way, I'd do it another way. "I guess. It depends what you mean by commemoration," I said slowly, thinking of my eighteenth birthday. "You don't have to do anything special for me; you already gave me the truck."

"No, love, I wouldn't let Alice do that to you again," he guessed correctly. "If you were human we might take you out for a nice dinner. Since this is your first vampire birthday, I thought maybe we'd celebrate it our way. Are you getting tired of caribou?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay with it, but you obviously have something in mind."

"How well you know me." He seemed to have gotten over his nerves. "I was thinking of heading down to the Susitna River. It's still salmon spawning season. That brings bears out of the woods and down to the rivers to feed."

"Bears?" I exclaimed.

He nodded. "They're omnivores, so they taste much better. I thought we'd have a vampire picnic. We'll take in some of the scenery and watch the wildlife. Alaska has some of the most spectacular natural scenery in North America."

"When you say 'we'…"

"Happy birthday!" Alice cried as she bounced into the room, over to my side and threw her arms around me. Jasper followed her at a more sedate pace.

I turned my head and raised a suspicious eyebrow at Edward.

Alice let go, her eyes twinkling. "Don't worry, silly, Edward made me promise: 'nothing outrageous'." She said the last part in a perfect impersonation of Edward's voice.

This wasn't the first time I had heard Alice imitate Edward and I'd always wondered how she did that. I knew she could sing with almost perfect pitch, so it must be something to do with the control she had over her vocal cords. My memory contained many snippets of Edward's voice stored away. I tried to bring up one of them and funneled it through my head into my throat.

"Nothing outrageous," I said. It wasn't Edward, but it was a masculine voice that came from my lips. The stunned silence was quickly broken by their surprised laughter.

"Not bad," said Alice, grinning from ear to ear.

Edward put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. "Needs work. I sound like I have laryngitis."

"I don't know," Jasper drawled. "I'd say she sounds more like you than you do."

Edward snorted. "Come on then. We'll need to get moving if we're going to get there before sundown."

"Wait a minute," Alice said. She darted from the room and returned with two boxes.

"Alice…" I began.

"Shush!" she said. "You need this."

I rolled my eyes at her and opened a box. It was a dun-colored parka with a fur lining. The design looked familiar. "From the new line?" I asked.

She nodded, pleased. "You need something to wear when we can go near people again. Open the next one."

The second box revealed a pair of black, mid-calf leather boots. A leather strap harness across the top of the foot and around the heel gave them a more rugged look, but still with flair.

"Your Doc Martens were okay for your high-school, grunge phase. But you need something a little more sophisticated. You are a Cullen, you know."

"Thanks, Alice." I rolled my eyes a little, but smiled as I got up. I reached over and kissed her on the cheek. "Okay, let's go see some bears. I'm curious to see what Emmett likes about them."

We asked the others, except for Irina, if they wanted to come but grizzly bear was nothing new to them. Eleazar had suggested that we might use this opportunity as a training session, since bears were very strong. That made me feel a little nervous. The biggest thing I had tackled so far had been a moose, but they had no claws to fight back with. The mountain lion I killed had clawed me with no ill effects, but it was a fraction of the size of a full-grown grizzly.

The trip didn't take long the way Edward drove. Edward located a part of the Susitna that ran just outside Denali National Park, but was not developed and still fairly remote. It was just over one-hundred miles from Healy, and the dirt road he found didn't extend very far so we were on foot fairly soon. Just in case we were seen by hunters or fishermen, we were all wearing winter wear. I had my new parka on, and hoped I would be able to keep it in one piece. The sky was overcast and there was a definite chill in the wind.

Alice and Edward took the lead, keeping an eye open for people. I kept pace with Jasper behind them. A short run brought us into a wide river valley – the surrounding hills were covered with low scrub bushes, and stands of spruce and poplar. I sniffed, testing the air; I could only detect the scent of the trees, the river and the rank smell of dead salmon that were washing downstream. Edward waved at me and pointed at the river.

I had never seen a salmon run before. Fins broke through the surface of the water all over the place. If they all swam at the surface it might have been a solid carpet of silver scales. Never had I seen this many fish in once place at the same time.

We weren't the only ones here for the spectacle. I looked up and spotted many bald eagles circling. Along the bank, a number of them had landed and were picking at dead fish that had washed ashore. As we drew closer, my nose picked up a musky scent I hadn't smelled before; it must be bear.

Suddenly the eagles scattered, rending the air with cries of warning. A growling grunt echoed across the river valley and a bear lumbered into sight, scaring the eagles off their food. It sniffed at the carcasses the eagles had been feeding on, then turned toward the water. The salmon were too focused on swimming upstream to notice the danger in time. In short order the bear pinned one to the river bottom, picked it up in its jaws and carried it to shore.

Edward tested our surroundings, then nodded at me. "Ladies first?" he asked.

With a large bear specimen in front of us, I was still nervous. It was bigger than Emmett. "Um, why don't one of you go first?" I asked.

Edward looked at Jasper, who shrugged and hiked down the river bank.

The bear spotted Jasper quickly and growled, protecting its food. When Jasper showed no signs of backing down, the beast reared up on its hind legs and roared. It was huge! It towered over Jasper by almost two feet. I had read somewhere that grizzly bears could reach fifteen-hundred pounds when full grown; almost nine times more than a grown man.

Unable to intimidate Jasper, the bear dropped to all fours and charged, trying to drive him off. Jasper stopped moving and waited. As the bear got close enough, it rose up, shuffling forward on its hind legs, and lashed out a huge paw. But Jasper wasn't there. He stepped back, slapped aside the flailing claws, then stepped in with a double-hammer fist to the bear's head. The powerful blow knocked the bear to the ground, where it stayed – its skull was crushed.

Jasper looked back at me in encouragement. "There, not so bad, eh?"

"If you say so," I said, dubiously.

"You don't have to do it yourself, if you don't want to." Edward's concern was very touching, but I couldn't let him take care of me forever.

"No, I want to," I insisted. "Eleazar said they'd be good practice, and I could use it."

Edward considered that, then nodded. "All right. Let's find a bear for you, love."

We continued downriver, scanning the area for bears and humans. A bear was big enough for two, so Alice stayed behind to share it with Jasper. Not far away, maybe a quarter of a mile around a bend in the river, we came across another feeding grizzly. Now that I had a better idea of what to expect, I stepped forward with a "wish me luck."

I jogged out onto the rocky river bank, and the movement instantly caught the bear's attention. It growled a warning but I kept coming, letting a growl of my own roll from my lips. I stopped when I found a fairly level area and waited. The bear didn't keep me waiting for long. I could feel the rage reaction coming and took several deep breaths, pushing it away as I'd practiced, focusing my glare on the oncoming giant. _Don't be fearful, don't be greedy,_ I chanted in my head.

Roaring as it came, the bear reared back with paws wide, spittle flying from its jaws. I brushed aside both swipes of the claws, dodged the snap of its jaws…but forgot about the weight of its charge. The bear's chest rammed into me and bowled me over. It was on me in an instant, pinning me to the ground and I felt its jaws on me as it tried to bite through my neck. A screech of ursine fangs on vampire skin rang out.

Suddenly the weight was gone. I looked up and Edward was standing over me, having shoved the bear off. It rolled to a stop and sat there growling, assessing the new threat.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice tight, eyes on the bear.

The roaring started in my ears again and I pushed it back, focusing on the bear again. I took another deep breath and got up. "Yeah, he just surprised me. I've got this," I muttered. Relatively calm again, I stepped in front of Edward. "Get back, you're scaring him," I said.

"_I'm_ scaring _him_?" was his incredulous answer, but he retreated.

I waved my arms and snarled, trying to antagonize the bear. It responded in kind, and obliged me by attacking again.

This time I took a slight step back, deflected the claws and stopped its charge with a double-palm strike in the chest. As the head dipped forward, I followed with an elbow strike to the side of the head, turning my waist for more power. The impact from my elbow echoed about the valley like a pistol shot, as the bear fell on its side. Just to make sure, I reached down, grasped it by the muzzle and broke its neck with a quick jerk.

I straightened up to see Edward looking on a little wild-eyed. But when he saw I was okay he closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. He shook his head as he walked over, and enfolded me in an urgent embrace.

"Bella, Bella, my Bella," he whispered. He started kissing every part of my face he could reach: my eyes, nose, cheeks, ears. I could hear his quick breathing as he hadn't calmed down yet, then his lips moved against mine. I kissed him back, but left my arms at my sides. After a little more, he turned his lips aside, and just held me tight, cheek to cheek, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

"Are you all right, love?" he asked as he kissed my hair.

I worked my neck and shoulders a little, but nothing felt out of place. "Yeah, I'm good. Sorry I scared you."

"That's an understatement," he groaned. "If I still had a pulse I would've had a heart attack."

I pulled back a little and lay a hand on his cheek. "You shouldn't worry so much. You're the one who told me it's very hard to kill a vampire."

He gazed down at me with eyes of onyx; he was thirsty, so it was a good day to hunt. "I know, love. Knowing it is one thing, but watching it–" he shuddered and shook his head. "The mind and the heart don't always agree with each other."

How well I knew that, I thought with a little sigh. "You're still sweet. You know," I began, measuring my words. "All this training with Eleazar started so I could touch you again. But that doesn't mean I don't get any benefit. Soon I'm going to be able to take care of myself as well as you can. Then you'll just have to trust me, okay?"

He nodded. "You're right. It won't be easy, but I'll try."

"Good. Let's eat."

"Um, sorry about your parka."

I unzipped, shrugged out of the parka to inspect it, and sighed. The hood was almost torn off and the shoulder area was in tatters. "I should've known better than to wear it hunting."

We took turns at the grizzly. It was quite pleasant, having a picnic in the pristine valley – the burbling sound of the river was very soothing and the occasional call of an eagle reminded me how wild the area was.

Edward was right, the bear tasted better than caribou or moose. Much better than mountain lion even. I'd never tasted human blood, but of the different animals I'd tried, bear blood tasted the closest to how human blood smelled. No wonder Emmett liked them the best.

Edward was drinking when suddenly his eyes flew wide. He threw a quick glance over his shoulder. "Grab the bear, Bella, we've got to hide!" he whispered urgently. Then in a flash, reached down and hefted the bear onto his shoulder. I grabbed the hind legs and followed him up the river bank and back into a thick stand of trees. He dropped his end and turned back toward the river.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Hunters," he murmured. "They heard the commotion and came to investigate. They thought it was a couple of bears fighting. Go ahead and drink. I'll keep watch." He cupped his hands to his mouth and gave a low bird call, like a whippoorwill. A second later it was answered in a higher tone. Alice.

I was almost done, and took a few more swallows, enjoying my first bear. When I was finished I stood and peered through the foliage with Edward. Four men with hunting rifles had topped the river bank, moving upstream toward the spot where I had killed the bear. I didn't think I had spilled any of the bear's blood when I killed it but they would see the signs of struggle, and maybe our footprints. I tested the air, and the wind was blowing toward the hunters. Luck was with us. I tugged on Edward's sleeve.

"We should go before the wind shifts." I didn't need to take any more risks today.

He agreed. We turned and ghosted through the trees, back upstream toward where we had left Jasper and Alice. Alice had seen us coming and they met us under cover of the trees. We quickly left the scene. The hunters might find the bear carcasses but that wasn't completely unusual in the wild. Animals that big and powerful were bound to injure each other in disputes.

When we got back to the truck, Edward asked me if I still wanted to go hiking and catch some more of the Alaskan scenery. "It's still your day, after all," he said.

I shook my head. "I've had enough excitement for one day. And with four humans in the area, I don't want to take the chance. Let's go home."

He nodded his understanding and opened the driver's side door.

Alice sighed and lifted the ruined hood of my parka with her fingers. "Honestly, Bella, couldn't you have worn something else bear hunting? A Kevlar vest, maybe? Chain mail?"

"Sorry, Alice," I said sheepishly. "Good thing I know the manufacturer. Do you think it's still under warranty?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me and climbed into the truck.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

Time passed and the weather gradually got colder and the already short Alaskan days grew even shorter. Rain fell more and more frequently. Finally the first snow fell, and I looked up to realize that it was October. We had been in Alaska for over a month.

I came to the guilty realization that I had let a month go by and my situation with Edward was still not resolved. We still studied together, trained together, hunted together, and enjoyed quality time. Unfortunately, our physical limits on intimacy were back – this time by my requirement. Cuddling was fine, as long as we took it slow. But kissing him too deeply and allowing our hands to wander too much started my body humming, and I quickly pulled back. Anything more than that risked another episode.

I wasn't sure when it happened, but after a while, I began to notice a subtle difference in Edward. Most of the time, he was normal – hunting, studying, reading, watching TV, etc. – just my Edward. But occasionally, out of the corner of my eye, or through the curtain of my hair, I would catch him gazing longingly at me, a visible ache in his eyes. By the time I looked up he had already composed himself and had a calm expression or a half-smile on his lips for me.

I had to find a way to control my…passionate side, for lack of a better term. But how? One of the joys of being intimate with the one you loved was the surrender of control, the ultimate expression of trust and love that two people shared. It was catch-22 – I had to deny that ultimate surrender, or I would hurt him, but by staying in control, I could never give myself to that experience with Edward. It was a good thing we were used to delaying the fulfillment of that impulse. Now that I was indifferent to temperature, a cold shower would do me no good at all.

Edward said his love for me had given him the strength to fight back the desire for my blood, to push himself away from the very thing that called him. I didn't see how that would work for me, since the passion I felt pulled me toward him like matter down a gravity well. How could I deny what was part of my soul?

Finally taking Alice's advice, the next time I needed to hunt, I asked Jasper to accompany me. She was right about his understanding of emotional states, and he had lots of experience controlling moods. Alice must have mentioned my need to talk to him because he didn't seem too surprised. After I was sated on caribou, I broached the subject. We happened to be by a small pool formed by one of the streams in the area, and I began to field dress the carcass.

"Jasper, when you used to be able to work with my moods, how did you do it? Do you have to be angry to get other people angry?"

Jasper gave a low chuckle. "No, it doesn't work that way, and it's rather hard to explain." He thought for a while, his brow puckered. Then with a faint nod, he picked up a rock, and tossed it into one of the pools. The soft plop of the stone sounded above the music of burbling streams, and ripples began to spread in the gently moving water.

"Think of emotions as different kinds of ripples that emanate from a person, with that person being the center of the ripples. Not only can I feel the...quality of what the ripples are, I can send a certain kind of ripple back to the person."

I frowned slightly as I tried to imagine it. "So, if you're trying to calm someone down, you're settling down the ripples?"

"That's as good of an explanation as any," Jasper shrugged. "Think of calm as the absence of ripples. As you might imagine, there isn't a lot of research into this particular phenomenon."

"Then for me to be calm, I'd have to smooth away my own ripples?"

"That's just how I look at it." He tossed another stone into the pool. "You've been working to calm your rages as we've been working out, right? However you've been doing that, it seems to be working, so just keep using it."

I felt a little bubble of embarrassment, but Jasper had been there for Edward and me, so I just dove in. "Would that work on the other kind of episode I've had?"

"I don't see why not."

I let that sink in, but wasn't happy about it. If I could shut down an attack of passion, I still wouldn't be able to be with Edward completely. But I suppose that would have to suffice for now. "Thanks, Jasper. I'll try to work on that."

Jasper clearly sensed my disappointment because he chucked me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Bella. The newborn phase doesn't last forever."

A heavy sigh escaped me. "I hope not. That would totally suck."

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

Talking with Jasper had helped a little, but still didn't answer the whole question. Thinking about my newborn strength made me think about Emmett. After all, he was naturally stronger than I was, so being newborn would have made him even more so. He must have had to somehow control himself so he could be close to Rosalie, or he would have killed her. Speaking with Jasper had broken the ice somewhat, and I didn't feel as hesitant to call Emmett.

After I dropped the caribou carcass off in the workshop and cleaned up, I found a quiet spot away from the house to call home. Fortunately, Emmett was there and answered after a few rings. We exchanged a few pleasantries until I got around to the point.

"So, Emmett, I wanted to ask you something," I began.

"Yeah?"

"Did you have a hard time, like me, after you were changed?"

Emmett's chuckle rumbled low in my ear. "You know, Bella, I think most of the time after Carlisle changed me, I just felt blessed, like I didn't have a thing to complain about. I wasn't dead – which I sure as hell would've been if Rose hadn't found me – and I had the most beautiful woman I'd ever met keeping me company. Yeah, I was thirsty, but as a human we were hungry a lot in my family, so that wasn't much different."

"Did you ever lose it, like I did?" I imagined a super-strong Emmett, raging through Esme's house, and shook my head.

"I think I got a bit more excited a time or two," he admitted. "Good thing Mom is so forgiving, ya know?"

A smile touched my lips as I thought of Esme. "Yeah, I bet you were a handful. Did you do anything to keep from hurting people?"

"Aside from staying away from humans, no. But you're thinking of when you lost it, right?"

"Yeah. That and hurting Edward."

"Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but I think I take things easier than you. Always did, even when I was human. Unless something bites you in the ass, it's not worth getting worked up over, eh?" He laughed, and I wondered if he was thinking about the bear that almost killed him.

"You know you had a temper going into this, right?" he said, before I could respond.

"I, um, well..."

"Come on! You don't remember punching out the werewolf?"

I snorted at the memory. "I do, but he really pissed me off."

"Not every girl punches somebody they're mad at."

I squirmed a bit at that. I'd never thought of myself as violent, but couldn't deny that I had acted instinctively and out of rage.

"Well, ugh..." I floundered around in my head for a while, trying to figure out how to ask him what was really on my mind. "I suppose you're right. But that's kind of a different issue from what I wanted to ask you about."

"Okay, go ahead."

I twisted a strand of hair around my fingers and jumped in. "So, what I was wondering was, did you and Rose have a hard time of it. I mean, while you were a newborn?"

"Huh? Hard time in what way?"

"You're so big and strong, as a newborn you must have been a walking disaster. Did you ever hurt her?"

"Mmmm, no, I don't think so." Emmett's tone was so confused, it gave me pause. Hold on, he and Rose had been married for decades, how could he not know what I was talking about? I tried again.

"You mean you never lost control while you were...making out? When you were...umm...really involved. Do you know what I mean?" I held my hand over my eyes. Despite my earlier determination, I was still absolutely mortified at talking to Emmett about sex.

The phone was dead silent and I wished a hole in the floor would open up and swallow me. I cast around for another way to ask that was relatively discreet, when a bellow of laughter shocked me out of my chagrin. As the hoots and howls kept going, I found myself doing a slow burn, and closed my eyes to focus myself and push away the anger.

"I wish I could see your face, Bella!" Emmett snorted, when he calmed down enough to speak. "Did you break it off? Oh, geez, I gotta ask Jasper!" He broke into another fit of mirth that dragged on and on until it ended in a resounding crunch. I opened my hand and glared down at the mangled lump of plastic and aluminum that had been my phone. Part of me noted it was a good thing I could remember all my contact information, because even if I dug the chip out of the phone carcass, it might also be destroyed.

I sat for a while, fuming in embarrassment. The stoic landscape of the Denali wilderness stared back patiently in the face of my anger, waiting me out. That was good, because I didn't want to go back to the house in this mood. Finally, as I was starting to cool down, I heard the sounds of someone approaching. I stood up to wait, and soon Alice trotted into view, holding her phone.

"It's Emmett," she said, as she handed it to me. "Try not to break this one, all right? I like the case."

"I'll try, Alice." I thanked her as she headed back to the house, and lifted the phone. "Hello?"

"Sorry, Bella, I couldn't resist. You and Edward were the last virgins I know, so I just had to rub your face in it a little." Emmett's voice hovered on the verge of dissolving into laughter, which didn't help my temper.

"Great, well, I think I'm gonna go now–" I growled and prepared to hang up.

"No, wait! Seriously, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be an ass, but it just comes naturally sometimes."

"Did Rosalie smack you?"

"Um, yeah, a little," he confessed.

I'd said it sarcastically, but that brought me up short. Rosalie had been civil, but still wasn't what I'd call a best friend. For her to chastise Emmett and force him to apologize meant something. "Remind me to thank her," I grumbled.

Emmett's voice took on a more chastened tone. "Yeah, well, you wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to you, so I shouldn't make fun."

I took a breath and let him talk; he was the only other family member that came close to having an experience like mine. "You're right about that."

"So listen, I don't know if I have a good answer for you, because Rose and I didn't have the same kind of courtship that you and Edward did."

"I'm listening."

"You and Edward were already done courting and getting married before you were changed. From the way you guys acted, you two must already have been mates when you were still human. Rose and me, we didn't really meet until after my change, if you think about it. Then I had to work through being a newborn and she had some of her own issues to figure out. We had to move around some and Rosalie didn't like being uprooted. But it didn't take long after I settled down to really get to know who she was and how she made me feel. We started walking out and, well, I ain't looked back since."

"So, you grew to love each other after you were changed, and after your newborn phase?"

"Basically."

"Damn." The hope I didn't know I was holding deflated again, as I realized Emmett didn't have the answer I was hoping for. I'd felt so sure he would be able to tell me what he had done to keep Rose safe from a fit of newborn passion.

"Bella, if it helps, remember what I said about your temper? I take things easier than you do, so I didn't have the same kind of freak out periods. So maybe if you can figure out how to tone it down, that'll keep you from losing it."

"That's what Jasper said, just try to keep calm."

"Yeah. Roll with things more. Works for me most of the time."

I couldn't hold it in, and let loose a huge, disappointed sigh.

"Sorry, Bella." I could imagine his huge shoulders shrugging. "If it helps any, I didn't get together with Rose for a while either."

"I guess that will have to do for now." I ran a hand through my hair, and twined a strand about my fingers. Emmett was trying, and while I was disappointed, I had to appreciate his effort. "Edward still wants me to arm wrestle you, you know."

Emmett's infectious laugh filled the receiver. "Hey, anytime, little girl. Anytime."

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

When I told Renee that I wanted to try becoming a nurse, she was predictably proud of me and happy for my choice. I didn't mention that it would probably be twenty years before I would be able to work with humans, but that would just confuse her. She and Phil were planning to do a little traveling, now that it was the off season. Shortly after that message from Renee, I got a surprise in my inbox. Charlie had discovered e-mail. He must have gotten my address from Renee.

As laconic as he was in person, Charlie seemed to open up a little in print. Baseball season had ended and the Mariners had missed the post-season again. Fortunately, football season had just started, and the salmon season had been pretty good so far. He commented that he wished I was home to make the fish taste better, and I felt a little wistful at that. Then he said that things in Forks were starting to get back to normal. There had been no further sign of the rogue bear that killed Mike and Jessica. Parents were letting their children go out to play again. After a moment I almost felt like I was reading a police report. He signed off with the hope that Edward and I were enjoying school.

I typed a quick reply, congratulating him for emerging from the Stone Age and sent him a recipe for grilled salmon. I thought cooking that involved open flame and an element of danger might be something he could handle. I also filled him in on the classes I was taking, and my thoughts on becoming a nurse. I started to ask him to say hello to Jacob for me. Then I thought better of it, deleted that line and hit send.

One day dawned overcast, but with no snow falling. I decided to take my psychology book up to the hill to read, just for a change of scenery. I found a nice snow drift nestled near some stunted spruces. With the wind gently murmuring through the wind turbines, I settled in. Dressed as I was in shorts and a T-shirt, this wasn't something I could have done when I was human. My body took the same temperature as my surroundings, ensuring that the snow did not melt below me, and the pages of my book wouldn't get wet.

It was so unlike my days in Forks, when the cold and wet depressed me and made me yearn for the dry heat of Arizona. The novelty of the sensation still hadn't worn off for me – to be able to touch the snow, sense the cold in the air, but to not _feel_ cold even when standing outside, soaking wet in the rain. Hypothermia was a thing of the past, and I found it quite liberating. Smiling, I dug my bare feet into the snow, letting the crystals squish between my toes like sand at the beach. A little shiver of contentment twitched my shoulders, and I opened my book to read.

I was in the middle of reading about the history of the field of psychology when the wind calmed and I heard voices coming from the ranch below. It sounded like Kate, Edward and Irina. Curious, I crept from my reading spot to a plot of bushes overlooking the workshop. Irina looked agitated, as always. Edward and Kate were trying to reason with her.

"Both of you know how hard it is to find someone willing to try our way of life," Irina was saying. "Why can't you understand the way I feel?"

"Irina, Laurent wasn't as dedicated to our way as he might have told you," Kate said. "I know he cheated, and he would have killed Bella for food."

"I'm not so concerned that he cheated. It wasn't so long ago that we gave up humans, and this life isn't for everybody. But Edward's mate was human at the time. How does that count as a sin against the family?"

From my hiding place I could see Edward glare at Irina but he didn't speak.

"Edward married her when she was human. That makes her part of the family, even then," Kate insisted.

Edward finally spoke. "Irina, you know that I'm not a wolf lover. One of the werewolves is in love with Bella, and kept trying to steal her away from me, even after we were married. He was there at the time of the incident with Laurent and I read his memory when we talked about it.

"Our treaty extends to our family and friends, as long as they honor human life as we do. The wolves were debating whether Laurent was a friend or enemy when they saw him in the forest with Bella. When they saw him draw his hand back to strike, he decided the issue for them and they attacked.

"Even if we didn't have a treaty with the wolves, I owe them for Bella's life. For that reason alone I couldn't turn my back on them. I know you want justice, but is it justice to harbor ill will for someone who had no hand in his death?"

"Sister, he was working for an enemy of the family," Kate's hands were spread as she appealed to Irina. "One that desired Bella's death; that counts as a sin against us. If not for that evil errand, he wouldn't have returned to Forks to run afoul of the wolves in the first place. He would have stayed here safe with us."

"I don't mean to dishonor the memory of one you hold dear," Edward said. "But revenge won't bring him back."

Irina turned away and covered her face in anguish. "Katya, don't you understand? I'm tired of all the meaningless trysts. I want love and I thought maybe he might be the one. All I have left of him are my memories! Can't you at least leave me with those?" She fled from them into the workshop, banging the door on her way in.

I ducked out of sight and crept back to my reading spot. But as I opened my book and went back to the history of psychology, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Irina. She was still grieving. Was it so unreasonable that she still wanted to avenge Laurent?

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

After a couple more weeks went by, I realized I had gone almost three weeks without another rage episode. Whether it was the training, the natural maturing of my body or whether everybody was taking pains to keep me calm, I wasn't sure. My thirst had stretched out to once every three days now, rather than every two. Hopeful, I wanted to see if the desensitizing exercises had increased my control over my bloodlust. I asked Edward, Alice and Jasper to take me into town after dark. At first they thought I was crazy but I explained I didn't want to go among the people. I wanted to stand downwind of the town, get a whiff of fresh humans and see how much control I had gotten back. They were to stay with me of course, to make sure I didn't get into trouble. Grudgingly, they agreed.

As Edward had done before our first date, I went hunting with Alice the day before our trip into town, and hunted more than I normally would have. I felt so full I thought I would waddle.

Edward drove the truck down to the outskirts of town, then stopped and stuck his head out the window to test the direction of the wind. After he gauged the wind, he closed the window and drove through Healy to the other side. Once past the last of the buildings – and it wasn't that large of a town – he parked the truck.

"Are you ready?" he asked me. I nodded. Edward, Alice and Jasper got out first, testing the air, Alice testing the future. They gave me the okay and I opened the door. It was long after dark, about nine o'clock when most humans would be indoors. I sniffed and the air held only the aromatics of spruce, wood smoke from chimneys, wisps of motor oil from the cars in town, and a hint of garbage even though anything left outside would be frozen solid. But no human smell.

We stood around the truck for a while with the chill wind in our faces, and I wondered if maybe there was some kind of game on TV that was keeping the people indoors. People who lived in Alaska ought to be accustomed to the temperature at all times of the year and be able to go outside.

I was starting to think we should move to a different location when I heard a door slam. Then about a block away, two figures crossed the street, turned and started walking away from us. They were both male, judging by the profile of their hats and parkas. They took no notice of us as they talked, and the prevailing wind was still blowing in our direction.

"Edward, Jasper hold on to me," I said, a quaver in my voice. They took hold of my arms and we waited. A short while later the scent of human touched my nostrils. Instantly the burning ache filled my throat, like I'd swallowed a welding torch. I was completely full. I knew I couldn't swallow another mouthful, but the urge to follow the scent and hunt the humans down still rose in my mind. Closing my eyes and clenching my teeth together, I exhaled as hard as I could to push the scent back out and held my breath. I tried to think of a blank wall: there was nothing, no humans, nothing to follow. My fists clenched and my body began to shake with the effort of fighting the urge, fighting it, fighting it. Against my will, my right foot slid forward a step. In my mind the scent trail burned bright and clear, promising sweet relief from my torment. I felt the slight lightening in my left foot as it began to follow…so I gave up.

"Get me out of here!" The strangled cry hissed through my teeth.

Edward and Jasper hustled me back into the untainted air in the truck. Panting heavily, I collapsed back against the seat, trying to clear my head of the scent of human, purging myself of the urge to go feed.

"Sorry, everybody," I said when my breathing began to slow. "I was hoping I was further along than that."

"Oh, I don't know, Bella," came Alice's gentle soprano. "I think you did pretty well all things considered."

"It's only been a month and a half," Edward agreed. "You stood there and fought it for a long time. And when you gave up, you turned away. You couldn't have done that if you had no control at all. You could just as easily have fought yourself free to go hunt them down. The first time you scented a human, the hunting reaction was instant."

"You should be proud of yourself," Jasper remarked. "You'll get there."

"Thanks, you guys." I smiled shakily. "Thanks for taking care of me." I was a bit encouraged by their words, but unhappy that we were still trapped here by my bloodlust. It had been just over a month and a half but it seemed much longer now that I knew we would be here for the undetermined future. This was going to be one long winter.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Well, that was rather long, but I hope you enjoyed it. As always, love to hear your thoughts!  
><em>


	17. Chapter 16: Climbing

_**A/N**: _Thanks so much to everyone who has read, left feedback and set favorites. Your comments make this effort all worthwhile, and I appreciate them very much!__

_A big hug and kiss to _sherryola _for pre-reading and to _katmom, _for keeping an eagle's eye on my words. I shudder to think what this stuff would look like without their help...brrrrrr :-)  
><em>

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, we're only hanging out in her timeshare. No copyright infringement is intended.__

* * *

><p><span>Ch. 16 – Climbing<span>

Extra sensitive vampire senses were both a blessing and a curse. One morning, Edward and I were both in our room doing homework, and while the ranch house was good sized and split-level, sound traveled fairly well. Because of this, I overheard a conversation between Tanya and Alice that I wished I hadn't. They must have been in Tanya's room on the other side of the house but I could hear them just fine.

"Alice, Bella and Edward were married not long ago, right?" It was Tanya's alto.

"Yes, in the middle of August," Alice's high voice answered.

"Are they all right?"

"What do you mean?" From the tone I could picture the puzzled frown on Alice's face.

"Well, they don't seem to be very…active, if you know what I mean." Now I could imagine the leer on Tanya's lips. I snuck a glance at Edward and saw he was just as aware of the conversation as I was. He sat holding my hand to deaden his mind-reading while he read his textbook, but his eyes were still, not scanning the page. Then furtively, he let go of my hand to turn the page, but didn't take my hand again, allowing the use of his other hearing.

"Tanya!" Alice replied in shock. "I have better things to do–"

"No, really," Tanya interrupted. "When Laurent was here, it was almost embarrassing, and it takes a lot to embarrass me. I would have thought that, being newlyweds, they would be breaking the bed right and left."

"Give her a break; Bella's still adjusting to this life. It's been a little difficult for her. And she did injure him the last time, remember?"

Tanya made a dismissive sound. "Some of us like it rough. Does she have any idea how hard it is to find the right man? I do and I've been looking for a thousand years. She can learn to control herself. _I_ did!"

I heard a sound like someone shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, she's young, even by human standards," Alice explained. "But she's made some fairly big decisions. Do you remember if you chose to be changed?"

Tanya's silence indicated her thinking. "No, I've let those memories go."

"None of us really chose this life, and she did. She loved Edward enough to walk away from her parents to join him."

"Then what's the problem? If this is what she wanted, she should be happy." Tanya's tone was incredulous.

"It's…complicated," Alice defended me. "She just needs some time to get used to things."

Tanya snorted. "All I know is, if she doesn't want Edward, I'm more than happy to help out."

"Tanya, they're married!" Alice objected.

"All the more reason for her to act that way."

I looked up from my history textbook with guilty eyes. I hadn't thought about the possibility of Edward straying, especially with a beautiful and willing vampire close by. The look on Edward's face told me he had heard every word that Tanya had said, as well as every raunchy thought that probably went with them. My lips trembling with anxiety, I spoke as softly as I could so as not to be overheard in return.

"Edward? Do you… Did you ever…" I stopped and bit my lip. "If you wanted to–"

"Hush," Edward whispered back.

"But didn't she ask you before–" Edward leaned over and placed a fingertip over my lips.

"Ever since I set eyes upon you, I've seen no one else," he whispered softly and quickly. "Even before I knew that I loved you, I was up here, with Tanya right in front of me, yet all I could see was you. Your eyes, your smile, your face, your hair." He brushed some of my wayward locks back and tucked them behind my ear. "And you're the only one I'll ever want to see."

I cast my eyes downward. "But if I'm not able to satisfy you…"

Again, Edward shushed me with a gentle finger. Then he put his arms around me and pulled me close, tucking my head under his chin.

"There's more to love and marriage than sex, you know. This is enough for now," he said softly. "I've waited this long for you. I'll wait an eternity if that's what you need."

I raised my head and kissed his cheek. "I still don't deserve you–"

Edward stopped me again, this time with a quick kiss. "Enough with the deserving nonsense. This is more of you than I ever thought I would have at one point in my life.

"You did surprise me, that first time. And honestly, I realized I was looking forward to that part of married life because I missed the idea of it. If you hadn't introduced me to it, I wouldn't have known what I was missing. But after thinking it through, it's clear I still have much to be thankful for. You still love me." Edward paused and questioned me with his eyes. I nodded my head quickly. "I can finally be with you and hold you without worrying about killing you by accident." He gave me a hearty squeeze and kissed the top of my head.

"Your scent doesn't make me want to kill you anymore," he continued as he buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply. A low, happy moan escaped him. "But you still smell wonderful. And if Jacob could persevere for you, could I do any less? If I haven't learned patience in one-hundred years, I'm really going to have trouble later in life."

I sat quietly for a long moment, thinking of his original objections to my joining him in immortality. "What about the soul thing, and the afterlife?" I asked.

His brows drew together briefly, then he slowly shrugged. "What you said before on the subject set me to thinking, so I did a little research while I was recuperating. All the myths and legends I could find about my kind tend to be based in sorcery, demonology or other supernatural origin. If any of them were true, then quite possibly we would have no souls. But I'm no eldritch creature – I was born human, I didn't come from the abyss. Neither were you, yet here you are, a vampire like me. So, if I had a soul as a human, there's no reason I shouldn't have one now. And if humans have no souls, well, we're no worse off than we were before.

"Either way, at least we'll be together." He seemed to think a bit more. "I also have a theory."

"About what?"

"About why my voice seems to be able to reach you when you're enraged," he remarked as he ran a fingertip along the outside of my ear. It tickled so I pulled my head away. "You haven't had an episode for a while, but that's the one thing that seems to help you come back to yourself."

"What's your theory?" I whispered.

He caught my eyes and held them with his own. "I think the connection between you and me is stronger than you think. No matter what state you're in, your subconscious knows my voice and loves me completely, which is why my voice can bring you back from a full-blown rage." He dropped his gaze and brushed his fingers across the nape of my neck. "That's why you need to stop doubting that we belong together."

The touch of his fingers sent a slight shiver down my neck, which made me think of the other side of my control problems. "But what about the _other_ kind of episode? That's related to love, not anger. Do you think you'd be able to talk me down from that? I mean, when I lost it that time, it was too late."

Edward's eyes grew troubled as he considered that. "You may be right; we were too close together. I…I'm not sure what we could do about that."

I looked up at him unhappily. "I asked Emmett if anything like this had happened to him and Rosalie. I figured, since he's so strong, he would have crushed her as a newborn."

A thoughtful frown creased his marble brow. "That would make sense." Edward put his hand to his chin and rubbed it. "But that didn't happen with them, as they didn't start getting together as a couple until after he settled down."

"That's what he told me."

Edward took my hand and sat against the back of his chair. "You and I were mates long before you were changed. I'm thinking that because you brought your love for me into this life, maybe the change touched it too, and altered it so the newborn reactions can trigger an episode, when your emotions are strong."

It was my turn to frown as I thought about that, but I didn't have anything to refute it. "So, what can we do about that?"

Edward gazed at me for a while, then scratched his head and looked down. "I'm not sure, love. This is new to me as well. But since you seem to be getting some control over your rage, I can only surmise that your body will outgrow this extreme response to passion."

He leaned in, kissed my nose and touched his forehead to mine. "We'll just have to wait a little longer," he whispered.

I pouted a little, and my chest seemed to tighten up. What he said made sense, but it didn't make me feel better. Just knowing that I still couldn't have all of him made me want him even more, and I put my arms lightly around him. I wanted to pull him closer right now, but forced myself not to do anything. It would be so much better if I could be sure he could protect himself from me. Then a thought came to me and a mischievous smile touched my lips. "Have you been practicing?" I asked.

"You should know," he answered, wondering where this was coming from. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to find out if _you're_ ticklish!" I said, and slowly reached for his side. His ribs were completely healed long ago.

"No, you don't!" Edward cried, and dropped his hand to intercept mine.

I reached with my other hand, but he stopped that one, too. Quickly, I swiped off his hand and switched it to the other but he dropped both hands, trapping mine. Suddenly the chairs tumbled backwards as we both surged to our feet, trading blows that didn't reach their mark, sliding hands aside as we tried to defeat each other's defenses. I tried to do as Eleazar said – to let the hands flow and find their own way. But like the ballerina's partner in a _pas de deux_, Edward's hands matched mine step for step and kept me out. After a long tussle with neither of us gaining the upper-hand or giving way, we finally came to a stop, hands crossed at the wrists, both waiting for the other to make a move. Stalemate.

A big smile of satisfaction spread across my face and Edward's lips turned into the lopsided grin that I loved so much. The two of us burst out laughing. Edward's eyes were bright, a happier look on his face than I had seen in a long time. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then an uncertain expression flitted across and he let go first. Quickly, he regained his composure and smiled again.

"Bella, are you dead-set on doing homework?" he asked.

I couldn't stop grinning either. "What are you thinking of?"

"A change of scenery," he answered. "When we first got here I asked if you wanted to go hike Mount McKinley. Why don't we go for a little walk? The views up there can be quite spectacular."

"Sure," I said eagerly, feeling a little better about our situation. "It's a date."

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

Before we left to go hiking, Edward took me hunting. Normal humans took three to four weeks to get from the base camp to the summit, if they made the summit at all. They had to move in increments, transporting their supplies to the next higher camp and getting acclimated to that altitude before they could move on. The record for a human to get to the top of Denali was four days. Edward figured we could do it in one or two. We didn't need to carry any supplies and we weren't affected by the thin atmosphere. But there wouldn't be anything to hunt above the tree line. Even mountain goats lived only so high on the barren slopes of Denali. Edward would be able to last but I needed to eat before we left.

We outfitted ourselves with climbing equipment, just in case we were seen by other climbers. Peak climbing season for Denali was June–July for humans; during that brief window the weather was marginally better. But sometimes there were climbers even in winter – adventurous souls brave, skilled or foolhardy enough to venture out on the mountain in extreme conditions. Record low temperatures on the mountain were –75 degrees Fahrenheit with wind-chill bringing it as low as –118 degrees F.

We needed to carry, at the least, a backpack, ice axe, rope, climbing harness and crampons as basic safety equipment. Even vampire strength, speed and agility didn't give us some kind of supernatural ability to find footholds on slick ice. The hooded parka and goggles would help hide our faces, but the sleeping bags and tent strapped to the backpacks were purely for show. Extra rope and the climbing harness were stowed in the backpacks; the harness would be strapped on over our winter clothes when we started climbing. Humans also used sleds to drag their gear with them, but we wouldn't need that. The human who had scaled Denali in four days had carried only the minimum of equipment.

Edward unfolded a map of the mountain and the surrounding region. With his finger, he indicated the route we would be taking. Denali lay west-southwest from Healy, through the Denali National Park. We would be approaching from the east side, and would have to cross a number of hills, rivers and snowfields before we even reached the base of the mountain. As we climbed the mountain, we would take a southerly turn to follow a snowfield between Mt. Carpe and Pioneer Ridge. Finally we would pass under the forbidding face of the North Peak on our way to the summit.

It only took Edward a few minutes to program the route into his portable GPS. And as we prepared our equipment, he cautioned me about the hazards of climbing Denali.

"We don't have to worry about many things that human mountain climbers do," he was saying. "For one thing, the climate is no longer an issue. That is the main factor determining the success or failure of many climbs, as well as the fitness and skill of the climber. We have far more strength than we need to do this climb, and don't suffer from altitude sickness.

"But we still have some concerns. An avalanche can sweep us away, and a crevasse can swallow us just as easily as a human. Rock falls could be a problem if they're big enough. I've done the climb before, and I wouldn't take you up there if I didn't think we could do it safely. But we do need to be on our guard."

"You know, this might surprise you but I'm looking forward to it," I admitted. I had come quite far from our first date in the meadow, when I dreaded the thought of a five-mile hike.

Edward raised an eyebrow and looked at me, speculating. "Who knew you would take to physical endeavors like this?"

"It's not me," I disagreed. "This body let's me do more than I ever thought I could do. It's like taking a test drive and finding out you're in a sports car when you were expecting an old jalopy."

Edward laughed at the analogy and handed me a pair of snow shoes designed for running on snow. He stowed his GPS, gave the straps on his pack one final tug and shouldered it. "Come on, let's take you out for a spin," he said with a smirk.

I laughed, shouldered my pack and followed him out of the store room. We waved to Jasper and Eleazar, who were working out in the front yard again. Alice was reclined in a lawn chair, working on some more designs while she watched them.

Outfitted like astronauts in our winter gear, we set out at vampire jogging speed for the mountain, headed west into Denali National Park. There was one road from the Healy area into the park, but private vehicles were not allowed to drive in past a certain point, so we would hoof it. One thing about climbing Denali, you really can't get lost – it's the biggest mountain on the entire Alaska Range and visible for miles on a clear day. Today the mountain was shrouded behind a thick overcast, only the foothills visible below the mist. It wasn't snowing at the moment, but it seemed that a light sneeze was all it would take for it to start.

While we were running along, we saw a large herd of caribou; the migration to the wintering grounds was underway. I was surprised to see a few Arctic fox, which were supposedly very shy.

I settled into my run, relishing the feeling of unbridled freedom as the tundra held no obstacles to me. Rough ground, snow, hummocks, ridges, streams, low-lying hills and a few small rivers proved to be just passing scenery under our feet. Edward kept pace at my side, showing absolutely no sign of effort.

After about an hour and a half of running, we reached Wonder Lake. Parts of the lake were frozen over, the unfrozen bits taking on a steel grey shade from the overcast sky.

"One of the sights we'll probably never see," Edward indicated the lake with his hand, "is the summit of the mountain reflected in the lake. But that needs a very clear day."

"Too much sun," I commented.

Edward nodded, a bit wistfully. "And people do come here in summer, for camping and recreation. I've seen pictures – it's quite beautiful. Like the mountain is standing on its head."

We needed to cross the McKinley River, which flowed out of the hills and passed by Wonder Lake, some small streams feeding from the lake into the river. The river had cut a small channel in the landscape on its journey to the sea, and lay in a low valley. As we prepared to cross the river, we hopped off the bluff without looking, expecting to just slide down the other side…and almost landed on a bear.

Edward had gotten no warning, since the bear did not have human thoughts for him to hear, and the wind hadn't been blowing in the right direction to bring the bear's scent to us. The startled bear went instantly defensive, and I was the closest to it.

Surprisingly, I felt rather detached as I focused on the roaring, charging bear. The rage instinct hovered in the back of my mind but I was able to push it back and keep it there. As the bear drew close enough to strike, I side-stepped, brushed the ripping claws aside and stepped in with a two-handed push at the shoulder. The bear flew sideways, rolling over and over until it came to a stop against a small spruce tree.

I sensed Edward stepping up beside me. "My turn," he spoke. I glanced at him and he had a tight, eager smile on his face. As I turned back to the bear, I noticed two cubs cowering about thirty yards from us near some fallen trees.

"Don't hurt her," I muttered, and stepped back. "She's got babies."

Edward gave the cubs a quick glance. "All right," he agreed.

Before we could disengage, the bear gave itself a shake, and came at us again with a thunderous roar. Since the bear was protecting offspring, it wouldn't stop until it drove us off, killed us, or was killed itself.

The bear reared up to its full height and brought its huge paws down in a crushing blow, jaws gaping wide. Edward stepped in, grasped a paw, turned and levered the bear into a hip throw. The bear flew twenty yards through the air into a blueberry bush, knocking off the snow that partially covered it.

Instantly I was at Edward's side. "Let's go," I urged him.

Edward nodded and we turned and left before the bear could get up. After we jumped the river and climbed the opposing river bank, I stopped and looked back. As I watched, the cubs rejoined their mother and they were sniffing noses. We were quickly forgotten.

"I didn't know you were a nature lover," Edward chuckled at me.

"Not especially." I shrugged. "But I wasn't thirsty and she was just protecting her cubs."

"And you handled yourself very well there." He grinned in appreciation.

I answered his grin with my own and cocked my head to look up at him. "You weren't too bad yourself."

"You didn't feel yourself losing control at all?"

"I could still feel the anger in the back of my mind, but I was able to hold it off."

His grin grew eager. "That's great, Bella. You see? It didn't take that long for you to regain control of yourself."

I shook my head. "We'll see. I won't feel comfortable until it's all gone. You know, considering you can't hear a bear coming, that meant no cheating. If we had just gotten you a bear as a training partner, I wouldn't have needed to learn this stuff for you." I couldn't help teasing him. I seemed to be in an oddly cheerful mood today.

"That might have worked until you got hungry and ate my partner," he said with a smirk.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Come on, let's go." We resumed our trek towards the mountain.

The South Peak was an easier climb than the North Peak, so we were headed for that. We followed the trail for another half-hour, running over hills, crossing streams and snowfields. As the trail reached the foothills of Denali and started to slope upward, Edward suddenly stopped in his tracks and held out his hand to me.

"Quick, Bella, jump!" he whispered to me, and took a long standing jump into the trees off the side of the trail. I hesitated only a moment before I jumped after him. He crouched down behind some stunted spruce trees and I followed suit. "Hold your breath, love," he directed me.

I held my breath and before too long, I saw the need for the precautions – three climbers were walking down the trail we were climbing up. The jump off the trail left no footprints leading to us in case they happened to be observant. They were dragging sleds filled with their gear, as well as carrying full packs. The three men passed our hiding place, chatting happily now that they could see the base of the mountain. I wondered how high they had been able to climb.

After they had passed out of sight and earshot, I said to Edward, "Humans are kinda nuts, aren't they?"

"How so?"

"It's pretty cold right now, and I can only imagine it's colder at the top. And they want to go mountain climbing?"

Edward shrugged. "It's actually not the craziest thing I've seen them do."

"What would the craziest thing be?" I wondered.

"Honestly? Falling in love with a vampire," he glanced down at me with a slight half-smile, but turned his head away from me before I could reply. "We should be safe enough to go now."

As I followed him back onto the trail, I didn't know what to say to that. I was feeling better, now that I knew that he could mostly protect himself from me. And while I wasn't out of the woods yet, I had better control over my rage episodes. Now all that was left was getting control of my other episodes, and the issue of how I felt about what happened on my first hunt. But they were big pieces of the puzzle.

I hadn't thought about killing Mike and Jessica in some time, probably repressing it. Even though I had talked it out with Alice and determined to try and make amends, there was no escape from vampire recall. The image of Mike and Jess' bodies, still flushed with life, were etched in my memory in excruciating detail. Hanging limply from her wrist, the silver puppy charm on Jess' bracelet lay in the dirt with its feet in the air, and her fingertips were inches away from Mike's – separated now for the rest of eternity. With some effort, I pushed the image out of my mind and swallowed the bubble of regret and loathing that rose in my chest.

_I'll make up for it, I swear_.

Everyone, from Alice to Edward, and even Rosalie, had said I wasn't a bad person. For a vampire. But it was so ingrained in me. I wasn't religious but _thou shalt not kill_ was something I believed in and took to heart. If Edward and his family hadn't been vegetarians I wouldn't have been so eager to join them. Actually, if Edward hadn't sworn off humans, I would have been lunch. Did that make me a bad person if he could resist killing and I couldn't? The question hung there in my head, not moving either way while we hiked through the final pass in the foothills.

My musings were side-tracked when we reached a broad glacial valley at the very base of Denali. A broad river of ice stretched out before us, flowing down the side of the mountain. Never having seen a glacier before, the huge sweeping field of ice filling the basin of the valley took my breath away. I couldn't help but think of the last ice age, when glaciers like this one had blanketed large portions of the earth. Frosty air drifted off its surface, and deep cracks revealed ice that had been tinged blue from the compression and buildup of snow and ice over the centuries. The broad base of the mountain had appeared while I was not paying attention, and the majestic peaks now filled one entire hemisphere of the sky.

The sense of size and gravitas that the mountain exuded was overwhelming. It didn't matter if one was a vampire. As hard and durable as we were, these mountains had withstood eons of change and the full power of nature – enduring and unchangeable. It was rather humbling to stand on it; I felt like an ant crawling on the foot of a giant.

We still couldn't see the mountain beyond the cloud cover, but Edward said the summit often towered over the clouds, and remained hopeful that the overcast would prove to be limited and we would still be able to enjoy the view. Little flurries of snow fell here and there as we reached the base and the slope turned upward, but nothing significant.

Making good time up the base, we soon reached the terminus of the glacier. There we stopped to prepare. We swapped the snowshoes for the crampons, buckled into the climbing harnesses, and pulled out the ice axes. Edward tied one end of a rope to a carabiner and clipped it to his climbing harness. He handed the other end to me to pass through the one on my harness.

Our progress was slower now. Edward was keeping an eye out for crevasses, cracks in the ice which could be small, or as deep as the glacier itself. The danger of a crevasse came when they were covered by blowing snow. Snow sometimes built up over a crevasse into a snow bridge. If they were thick enough and had enough time to harden, they could support your weight. If not, then you could unknowingly cross one and it would collapse, dropping you into the abyss. The trick came in recognizing a snow covered crevasse. Sometimes they were obvious as a depressed trench in the snow, or the snow was a different texture or color. But new blown snow could settle over the existing signs and disguise them. We found many that were small enough that a human could jump across, so they were not a problem. Others were large enough that even we needed to find a safe route around them. We also couldn't walk together, but maintained at least ten yards between us in case one of us fell into a crevasse.

Edward also had to stop periodically to use the GPS to get his bearings. The sound of the blowing wind interfered with our echo-location sense, so we weren't able to navigate that way. According to his GPS, we were coming up the northern side of the Muldrow Glacier. All I knew was we were tramping steadily up the right side of a vast field of ice. The walls of the glacial valley rose to ridges on our right and left. The wind blew briskly, but not enough to give us trouble. The air was colder than it was at lower elevation, but also not a problem.

We made it to the head of the first glacier after a hike of about an hour. There we stood looking up at a huge icefall, coming from the steeper slopes above us. If somebody could have frozen Niagara Falls mid-plunge I imagined it might look like this. Wave after wave of jumbled and broken ice tumbled towards us in freeze-frame. Chunks and boulders the size of cars made up large portions of the icefall. What was amazing was how it all looked so solid and unmoving, yet down at the bottom of the fall, the ice blocks melded back in with the rest of the glacial ice like it was still fluid water.

We worked our way through the center of the ice fall, then progressed to the right, following the easiest path through the ice boulders. We jumped from boulder to boulder when they were large enough, sometimes climbing around or over them. A short thirty minutes later we emerged from the ice fall, and onto the foot of a ridge that led up and to the left. The ridge was relatively steep, maybe a thirty or forty degree slope, and covered with snow and ice. For a human, this might be the most difficult part of the climb; having to climb the steep snow-covered surface, carrying a fifty-pound pack full of gear. As we mounted the ridge, this was actually easiest for us, because we didn't need to worry about crevasses in solid rock. We quickly powered up the ridge, which traversed left, then right, passing a towering formation of rock and ended in another glacial bowl.

"Another glacier?" I asked.

"It's the last one, love," Edward said. I didn't think I had been complaining but he seemed to be apologetic for some reason. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, really," I said as brightly as I could. "Look at me; I'm climbing a mountain in Alaska. When would I ever have done something like this as a human?"

"True," he said, then looked up to scan the clouds. "Mm, it doesn't look like it's thinning out any. We're at about 15,000 feet, and if it hasn't cleared by now it's not likely to at the top. It might look just like this." He pointed with a broad sweep of his arm.

I turned to follow his gesture, and saw the saw-toothed ridge we had climbed descend below us into the mist. Not even the icefall below the ridge was visible. It had a mythical feel to it, like we were traveling through the land of the Nordic frost giants. You would almost expect to see dwarves in scale mail keeping watch. I shook my head to clear it of my Tolkien daydreams. "Well, let's keep going. Maybe we'll get lucky at the top."

Edward nodded, then turned to start working our way up the glacier, scanning the surface for tell-tales of hidden crevasses. I looked up and to the right above us was a high peak, covered in snow. Some cornices hung from the shoulders of the peak, gravid with snow; we would need to watch for avalanches.

We were about a third of the way up the glacier and to the first icefall when I stumbled. I had been eyeing one particularly threatening cornice when the crampons on one foot, which had given me no trouble all day, caught on my other boot. Distracted, I flailed my arms as my body tried to right me, but I fell to the ice with a grunt.

"Bella?" Edward turned to look back. Suddenly, he disappeared in a flurry of snow.

For just a millisecond, I lay there frozen in surprise. The rope whizzed through the carabiner clipped to my harness and I made a grab for it…too late. The gloves were just too clumsy and the end slipped free, following after Edward.

"Edward!" I screamed and scrambled to my feet.

"Stop!" His shout was muffled but the desperate urgency in his voice stopped me in my tracks. "The edge may break off and you might fall in, too!"

"Are you all right?" I called, panic starting in my voice. The snow had settled and now I could see the edge of the crevasse he had fallen into.

A moment passed as he seemed to assess his situation. "I'm not hurt, but I'm wedged into the bottom of the crevasse. So stupid! I should have been paying attention!"

"It's my fault, Edward!" I called, kicking myself. All the vampire strength and speed and I was too clumsy to apply it when I needed it. "I was too slow to grab the rope. Can you climb out?"

"Let me see." I heard some shifting, some grunting, and something that sounded like ice clattering against the sides. "Ugh. No, I can't get enough leverage. If I could move, I could dig handholds in the ice but I'm wedged kind of head down. One hand is below my waist and the other is stuck over my head. You'll have to throw me a rope."

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," I muttered. I pulled off the bulky gloves; I needed to work and there was no sunlight to make my hands sparkle. Right now, even if there were someone to see me, I didn't care. Quickly taking off my pack, I opened it and pulled out more rope. I tied one end to a carabiner and clipped it to my harness, then picked up the coiled rope and flung it into the crevasse.

"Can you reach it?" I called.

"No, Bella, I can't. I can't see it to reach for it," he said after a moment. I tried flipping the rope from side to side, hoping it would make it into his hand. I pulled it up and tied another carabiner to the free end to give it some weight. I threw it in again, pulled it up, threw it in a different place, over and over. But it was no use. I was working blind, trying to thread a needle with the long end of the thread. My head started to spin as panic started to rise again.

"What do I do Edward? Should I go get help?"

Even in this dire situation, his voice seemed calm to me. "Bella, if you fall into a crevasse on your way down and can't get out, then we're both stuck here. I don't suppose you have signal?"

I pulled out my phone and checked; there was no connection. The replacement phone was more modern than the one I had destroyed, and should have had better reception but we were too far away from civilization.

"No, nothing."

"All right, see if there's anything you can tie a rope to. Then you can hold the rope and crawl to the lip of the crevasse."

I cast my eyes around, and my heart sank. We were about forty yards from the nearest rock, but there didn't seem to be any features or outcroppings. Still, we had enough rope, so I quickly coiled it, slung the loops over my shoulder, and picked my way over to the rock face, probing the snow ahead of me with the shaft of my axe. When I reached the wall I looked up and down the length of it. It was as I feared; the rock had been worn relatively smooth by the passage of eons of glacial ice – no features or imperfections existed that I might use to anchor a rope. I followed my footsteps back to where Edward had broken through.

"There's nothing around us but ice, Edward," I said, my voice cracking a little.

He paused for a moment, then gave a morbid chuckle. "Well, it's a good thing we can't die from the cold."

I sank to my hands and knees as the full import of our situation crashed through my understanding. My head spun wildly but I didn't faint. A dim human memory came to mind: the story Edward told me of Carlisle starving himself out of revulsion to what he had become. It had made him thirsty enough to attack an animal in desperation. But we were thousands of feet above the tree line. There was nothing living up here. Nothing to eat. He meant that even though we didn't suffer from hypothermia, we could still starve to death.

"No! Edward, NO!"

The scream ripped out of my lungs and echoed off the impassive mountain peaks. The thought of Edward dying by inches – with me only a few yards away – suddenly struck me with the force of a hurricane. My stomach clenched and my chest convulsed and a black void seemed to swim in front of my eyes – empty and ice cold, my life without him. The pain was unbelievable, almost as bad as the first moment when I realized he had truly left me, and seeped into every pore of my body.

Part of my mind cautioned about triggering avalanches but I didn't care. And like sunlight breaking through the clouds in my head, suddenly it became clear. All the stupid, asinine thoughts about feelings and disappointment and blame were pointless. Monster or no monster, good or evil. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. All that was important was for him to be alive. I would do anything to keep him alive. I knew that now, as surely as I stood there on the frigid glacier. I felt a heavy stab of regret for wasting the last months of our life together, hostage to my fears.

And like a faucet was turned on, all the thoughts and advice from my family rose up and played themselves in my head. I heard Renee's voice telling me not to spend so much time in regret. Alice, Edward, Esme and Rosalie counseled me what vampire life was about and that I just needed to accept it. They told me once before, and for some reason I didn't take their advice to heart. And now it might be too late.

"Bella, calm down." Edward's voice brought me back from my regrets. "We don't want to deal with an avalanche as well."

"I'm sorry, Edward!" I called. "I love you so much! I'm sorry I wasted all our time together!"

He fell silent for a few moments, then his rueful laugh rose from the crevasse. "I know you do, love. But I don't consider our time together wasted. Any time I've had with you is more precious than all the gold in the world."

I couldn't agree with him more, now that he was in a dire situation. All the energy I had expended worrying and regretting could have been better spent.

"At any rate, don't lose heart. We're not dead yet," Edward counseled me. "We'll figure something out. Look through the pack again and see what else we can use."

His calm reassurance helped me focus. He was right; we weren't dead yet. I took several breaths to calm myself, and began to take inventory. I had one backpack; a pair of snowshoes; two, 200-foot lengths of rope; carabiners and some other climbing hardware. The crampons were still attached to my boots, though one of my boots had gouges from the crampon spikes.

"Could I climb down the side of the crevasse?" My lips trembled as I waited for his answer.

"Perhaps, but it's risky without a solid line to pull yourself out, if there's no one to belay you."

I pressed my lips together against the disappointment. The only piece of equipment left was the one ice axe…

I stared at the axe for a moment. The shaft was almost three feet long, and hard- anodized aluminum. The head was stainless steel, and while I knew I could bend it with my hands, the axe should be strong enough to hold my 110 pounds. It didn't need to hold the two of us, just me.

I looked for our footsteps and traced back about ten yards. Then using the axe, I started digging as fast as I could. Snow and chips of ice flew in all directions as I dug. Glacial ice was denser than regular ice due to the years of compacting, but no match for newborn vampire strength. I loosened the ice with the axe, then shoveled the snow and ice out with my hands. Soon I had a hole in the ice about four-feet across and four-feet deep, surrounded by loosened snow.

I took one of the ropes and tied it with a triple half-hitch to the head of the axe, winding the rope around the head and shaft for good measure. Then in the wall of the pit closest toward the crevasse, I set the shaft of the axe into the ice and pushed it in like a spike. I encountered some resistance and hammered the axe the rest of the way with my hand. Edward must have heard the vibrations because he asked if I was okay.

"I'm all right. I'm coming to get you," I called.

After climbing out of the pit, I pushed the snow and ice back in, filling it. I stamped the ice down as solidly as I could, then picked up the rope leading out of the snow and leaned back with my full weight. It held.

I clipped the carabiner on my harness to the rope, then took the free end with the other carabiner still attached and threw it into the crevasse again. I walked to where my pack was, playing the rope out as I went. Lying down on my belly, I started inching out toward the crevasse, keeping a ready hand on the rope as I wormed my way forward.

Inch by agonizing inch, I drew closer to the lip of the crevasse. As I reached it, a chunk of ice gave way, but with my legs splayed out and a firm grip on the rope, I stopped myself from falling in. Finally I could see into the chasm.

The pit that had trapped Edward like a predatory plant extended roughly fifteen feet to either side of me. About twenty feet below me Edward's boots and legs stuck upwards at an angle. The walls of the crevasse were perfectly angled to trap him in this helpless position. Some of the ice and snow had partially covered him and the backpack wedged in with him. Fortunately, his hand was visible beside one of his legs.

"Here comes the rope!" I called, and maneuvered the carabiner into his hand. Now that I could see it wasn't a problem. I felt instant relief when his hand closed around it.

"Lay a jacket or backpack under the rope so it doesn't dig into the crevasse," Edward directed me.

"Got it," I said and inched backward. I retrieved the pack, lay it down and passed the rope over it.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Ready."

I dug my crampons solidly into the ice, then leaned back and started hauling on the rope. I felt some resistance, leaned forward, grabbed the rope further down and slowly pulled harder until I felt Edward come free. Finally I was putting my newborn strength to good use. Foot by foot, I hauled the rope back to me.

When his hands appeared, followed by his shoulders and head, the relief I felt exploded and I almost dropped the rope to run to him. But I forced myself to keep pulling, hand over hand. I did start pulling faster though, and soon he was sliding across the snow and ice, pushing the pack and a wave of loose snow in front of him.

When he was close enough I dropped the rope and reached for him with a low cry. All my feelings flooded out, and if my heart still beat it would have burst with the rush of emotions flowing through me. The black and cold void I felt before was burned away in a blaze of heat and light. I held him close, feeling his reassuring presence, whispering his name over and over.

His goggles had fallen off in the crevasse, and his still golden eyes were warm as he looked at me. I pushed my goggles off my head, pulled his face toward me and started kissing every inch of it – his hair, his cheeks, his eyes and finally his lips. His answering kisses started a warmth in my belly, and reminded me of what I had been missing these past months. I was so happy he was safe I stopped kissing him again and held him close, rocking back and forth with him, feeling his breath in my ear, his arms tight around me.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said. "I was so scared; I thought I was going to lose you. Can you forgive me?"

Edward pulled back a bit and the crooked smile played across his face. I once again felt the familiar melting sensation as I gazed into his eyes. "There's nothing to forgive, love," he said softly. "You did well. Thank you for coming for me."

I sighed and lay my head against his chest. "I had to do something. I almost lost you."

I felt and heard his chuckle rumble out of his chest. He pushed the hood back from my head and stroked my hair. After a while, he spoke rather hesitantly. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. The things that bothered me seem rather small now," I said as I nuzzled his neck.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but what changed your mind?"

"I suppose you could say I got a better perspective. I'm here, you're here." I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him. "I wanted to be one of the good vampires, so killing Mike and Jessica really threw me. At first, I blamed you for that, but then I realized that wasn't fair to you. I guess I still didn't feel good about it, and maybe I acted differently because, subconsciously, I wasn't happy. Sorry if I made you unhappy."

Edward brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them. "I'm far from unhappy. And you know, nobody blames you for what happened."

"I know, but I did." I sighed loudly. "But that's part of this life. And this is my life now, for better or for worse."

"And in sickness and in health," he reminded me with a smile.

"For as long as we both shall live," I completed the litany. I glanced down at my empty ring finger – I had put away my rings to be safe while we went mountain climbing – and suddenly it felt very bare. I drew him closer. "I love you, Edward Cullen," I said and kissed him long and deep.

Edward kissed me for all he was worth, his lips sliding silky smooth and warm over mine. I was surprised when I started to feel a little dizzy but then I realized it wasn't from shortness of breath. I was so happy to be kissing him I felt like I was floating.

Faint at first, but with growing strength, the panic started to gnaw at the back of my mind. _Pull back, you'll lose control, you'll hurt him again_. And at the thought, the black pain I had felt before reared up and hovered, closer and closer. No. I couldn't do that, I wouldn't lose him again. That would have to be my anchor.

Edward was happy to be kissing me again, too. His fingers trembled as he pushed my hair back so he could kiss my ears and the sides of my neck. Then he took my face in his hands and kissed my lips again as his fingers caressed my earlobes. I felt a shiver rock through me, and the warmth in my stomach began spreading outward. Then something in the rhythm of his kisses changed, and I could feel his attention on me. I looked and his eyes were open, watching me cautiously.

I turned my head a little, my breath coming in quick pants, and whispered against the side of his mouth. "You're worried, aren't you?" The slight tightening of his cheek muscles answered me. I pulled back far enough to see his face, and placed a hand on his cheek. "Now I have an idea of what you felt, Edward, when you thought you lost me. I could never hurt you again." Gently, I brushed my thumb along his bottom lip. "Oh my god, Edward. I want you so much, but I understand if you're afraid. I can wait for you, too, if I need to."

Edward seemed to search my face for a moment, then a slow smile touched his lips.

"Trust me, love. I have an idea," he said softly.

He closed his eyes and buried his hands into my hair again. Soft, slow kisses grew deeper and more urgent. Gone were the cold, marble lips that were so damnably in control. Soft and alive, his lips nipped and demanded, a sensual conversation that I answered word for word. We quickly reached the point where he pulled back before…and he kept going. Our kisses grew hungrier and hungrier as he twined one hand around my neck and the other around the small of my back. I unzipped his parka to kiss his neck, and drew him even closer to me. I felt the superbly muscled planes of his chest and stomach through his shirt. A sound like breaking surf began to fill my ears and I reached up to kiss the venom scar that marked his neck. But when he began opening the buttons of my shirt I pushed down the urge to help him and suddenly pulled back.

"Edward? Are you sure?" The question hung in the air between us, as I gasped between breaths. "I think I can control myself, but I feel like I'm riding the edge right now."

Edward pulled me close again, and brushed the tip of my nose with his own before placing small kisses against my lips. "I've never been surer of anything in my life. You're my wife and I love you," he said between kisses. "Loving you means trusting you. I've never loved you more than I do right now, and I've been waiting a long time to show you how much. You just need a little faith. And a little voice."

In the end, fear of hurting him did help, but Edward's angelic voice kept me whole the rest of the way. Wrapping me in a murmured cocoon of love and encouragement, the sound of his voice brought me back when a surge of passion shuddered through me. I regained enough control to open his shirt carefully, since we would need clothing for the trip back home.

He closed his eyes at my success and the smile that spread across his face was glorious. It was as if the sun had broken through the overcast and cast a single, shining ray upon him. The happy glow only intensified when he opened his eyes to look at me, and then his lips made further words unnecessary. Heedless of the wind and blowing snow, the only thing I was aware of was the blinding warmth, the intoxicating feel of his body against mine, and his velvet voice caressing my ears. Above it all, a corner of my mind let my passions run free but – with the help of his voice – kept the excesses in check. And as we climbed the summit together, I finally felt that I had arrived. This was my life. He was my life. As long as we were together, nothing else mattered.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Well it's about time!". So was it worth the wait? Love to hear from you, good or bad!_


	18. Chapter 17: Satisfaction

_**A/N**: Oh my goodness! _Thank you so much for the great comments! The last chapter was one of my favorite ones to write so far, and I'm so glad folks liked it! Your comments make this effort all worthwhile, and I appreciate them very much!__

_Big, big thanks to my girls! To _katmom_ for finding my mistakes (ooh boy, the mistakes) and to _sherryola _for pre-reading and keeping me headed in the right direction. You guys are the best!__  
><em>

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. We're just walking along with them for a little bit. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Ch. 17 – Satisfaction<span>

_From this moment, life has begun  
>From this moment, you are the one<br>Right beside you, is where I belong  
>From this moment on.<em>

_From this moment, I have been blessed  
>I live only for your happiness<br>And for your love, I give my last breath  
>From this moment on.<em>

_– – – –_

Shania Twain_ – From This Moment On_

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><p>After one last, luscious kiss that lingered on my lips and sent tingles surging down to the tips of my toes, Edward raised his head, his eyes drinking in my face, his fingers tracing along my jaw line. Intoxicated as I was, my breath caught in my chest at the warmth in his eyes and the lopsided smile that lit up my world. I was a little floored, too, that I could go from fearing my feelings over him, to absolute certainty.<p>

"You did it, Bella! I knew you could!" he proclaimed happily.

"_We_ did it. I couldn't have done it without you."

Edward chortled. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

A happy laugh bubbled out of me. Jokes. Edward was making jokes. That told me how good he must be feeling, and I had to agree with him. We had found a solution to controlling my attacks of passion.

Edward rolled to the side and I pushed myself up on one elbow. He glanced over my shoulder and waved a hand at my makeshift anchor. "That was very ingenious, love," he said.

I shrugged. "It was the only thing I could think of. Good thing it worked."

"Nevertheless, thank you. You saved my life."

"You _are_ my life," I said and leaned in to kiss him. Now that we were completely together again, I felt a profound sense of contentment; secure once again in the knowledge that we loved each other. The way I felt now, I couldn't be angry at my own executioner.

An errant wind blew some snowflakes into our faces. Edward broke the kiss, brushed the snow off my shoulder and looked up at the clouds. Even that casual touch of his fingers on my skin sent a thrill of electricity down my arm and across my back, eliciting a small shiver of pleasure. "Do you still feel like going to the top of the mountain today?"

A lazy smile spread across my face and I looked up at him through my lashes. "Silly boy, I've already been there."

Edward laughed at me, bemused, then cleared his throat. "Um, yes, I suppose you have. What I meant to say was, as much as I love being here with you, it doesn't look like the weather is going to be any better up there. We're already at 17,000 feet. Another 3000 isn't likely to make much difference, and suddenly I feel the urge to get you somewhere less hazardous."

I caressed his cheek softly with my fingertips. "I'll go anywhere, as long as it's with you." He smiled and turned to kiss my palm.

We took a little time to dress, gather our gear together and to dig my axe out of the pit where it was anchored. Then we started back down the mountain. The trip down was much easier than the trip up had been. For one thing, the snowfall hadn't completely covered our footprints yet, so crossing the glaciers wasn't a problem this time. Belatedly, I realized I would have been able to make it down the mountain by following our trail. Alice also might have seen our predicament and brought help. Now that I was thinking clearly, more alternatives came to light that hadn't been apparent when I was stressed out. This showed me that no matter what new mental abilities I might have, emotions could still cloud our judgment. But hindsight aside, Edward was safe now, and that was all that mattered.

Night fell by the time we reached the base of the mountain, and the sky remained overcast blocking any viewing of the aurora borealis, but my mood was so bright it was as if the sun shone from a clear blue sky.

We took our time jogging back home, maintaining a pace that allowed easy conversation. While cheerful, Edward still seemed a little hesitant. He asked some things that made me think he was wondering if anything else about me had changed.

"It might be a long way off, but does becoming a nurse still appeal to you?" he asked.

"Sure. It won't bring back Mike or Jess, but I want to be able to do _some_ good in the world."

"So, we're still going to continue with college." He said it like a question, and it made me look closely at him. The little furrow was there between his eyes.

I slowed to a stop and took him by the hand. "Edward, I'm the same person I was before we started up that mountain. We're still married, I still want to be a nurse, and we have a paper to work on when we get back. The only thing that's changed is…we know how to take care of me now. And I'm all yours."

He didn't reply, searching my eyes and face. It reminded me a little of when we had returned from Italy and I couldn't believe that he really had come back to me. I reached up and softly rubbed his cheek with my palm, trying to convey my sincerity. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, Edward. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled me close and crushed me to his chest, letting out a rueful chuckle as he kissed my hair. "You haven't hurt me, love," he breathed. "You may not believe this, but I'm actually happy. I haven't been this happy in what seems like forever. It simply feels unnatural, and I can't believe my good fortune. Something must be coming around the corner to take you away from me."

I rolled my eyes at him, reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, coming to rest on his neck. "Always the pessimist. Do you ever think you'll get tired of looking for the downside?"

"I've had a lot of practice, love," he smiled down at me. "Until now, there's always been a fly in the ointment. I was immortal, but I craved killing humans. I could hear the thoughts of those around me, but those thoughts tended to be incredibly tedious. I had a loving family, but I was the odd-man out and very lonely for a very long time. Even after I found you, I wanted to kill you and I had to be so very careful not to injure you. So truly, this has been the first time my heart has felt this full."

Sliding my hands down to rest against the front of his parka, I gave his chest a pat over his heart. "Then it's a good thing you'll have a lot of time to get used to that feeling."

He nodded, bent down to kiss me, then stood for a moment, gazing into my eyes with a tremulous smile playing across his lips. "Bella, I promised you a second honeymoon after you were changed. What do you think of going to Paris during winter break?"

"I don't know. It kind of depends on if I can control my bloodlust, doesn't it?"

He pursed his lips and frowned. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

"I know _you_ can handle a fourteen-hour flight trapped on a plane with a bunch of yummy humans, but I don't know about me. Talk about a horror movie."

Edward's face fell slightly. "I guess I was being premature. There are so many things I want to share with you. The _good_ parts of this life."

It was times like these that I would doubt _my_ good fortune. How could this gorgeous, amazing man have been meant for me? Then I remembered all he had said about us belonging together, and I bid those doubts to be quiet.

I squeezed his hand in thanks. "You're sweet, but you don't have to be impatient for me. We have a lot of time ahead of us."

"Yes. Yes, we do."

I tugged at his hand and we set off again. Now Edward's demeanor matched mine, and if we weren't headed back home, we could have forgotten the world and stood there, grinning at each other like idiots.

The rest of the journey was uneventful compared to the trip out. The fall tundra under cover of darkness was fairly quiet, with fewer nocturnal animals. We did hear some wolves calling to each other, with their long and plaintive howls, but we saw no more bears.

The dark of night still blanketed the ranch when we arrived. Even as we entered the edge of the yard, the front door opened and Alice emerged to meet us.

"There's always some kind of drama with you two, isn't there?" Her tone was playfully exasperated, but relief shone in her eyes.

"Sorry, Alice," I said with a sheepish grin. "Were you worried?"

"Well, it was pretty crazy for a while, with you trying different things in your head. But you figured it out. I knew you would." Alice fixed her eyes on me, as she said that. Edward reached out to muss her hair, which she deftly avoided.

"Where is everybody?" he asked.

"Eleazar and Carmen are giving a little concert." Now that she drew my attention to it, I could easily hear the sounds of music coming from inside the house – one, no two, guitars being played. "Carmen just started playing in the living room and Eleazar joined in. The rest of us dropped everything to listen, and then you came home. Come on, you guys. Welcome home!"

Edward and I took our packs into the storeroom behind the garage to put away the equipment, placing the coils of rope on pegs, storing the climbing hardware in their respective bins and shelves. I asked about replacing the equipment we had lost in the crevasse, and Edward assured me he would take care of it.

We stopped in the foyer to hang our parkas and take off our boots. Opening the inner door, we quietly retreated to the back of the living room, not wanting to interrupt the entrancing display of virtuoso guitar music. Sitting before the fireplace, Carmen wore an off one shoulder burgundy blouse, and a voluminous dark grey skirt. Supporting her instrument on one raised knee, her fingers flashed and danced across the strings, painting an exciting tapestry with a festive air. Eleazar moved at a more sedate pace and maintained rhythm and counterpoint that enabled Carmen's melodies to soar even higher. It made me think again about taking up the piano again. Given enough time, would I one day be able to play as well as Edward?

After the last note sounded, we broke into applause, Jasper adding a whistle or two. Then the entire family turned to greet us. Irina was still conspicuously absent, though.

"Sorry you didn't make the summit," Kate commiserated. Alice must have filled them in on what had transpired.

"At least you made it back safely," Tanya agreed.

"Maybe next time," I replied. "Now that I'm immortal, I expect we'll have other opportunities."

Jasper's expression was quite content, and he must have been feeling the euphoria that I was still riding. Maybe Edward's, too. "That you will, darlin'. That you will."

We excused ourselves to go clean up and hand in hand, we returned to our room to change out of the heavy winter clothing. What a difference a day made. When we had left for the mountain, I was still repressed – not wanting to give in to my passions for fear of hurting Edward. The Denali house had been a symbol of my exile – a monastery or cloister. Now with my new outlook, it was more inviting, a true home...and it had a bed we hadn't made much use of. That thought spurred other thoughts of snow...and heat. It was all I could do not to break into a run.

I smelled like the outdoors so decided to take a shower. Stepping into the closet, I pulled off the insulated winter pants and placed them in the laundry hamper. Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed Edward sitting in one of the chairs, one leg crossed over his knee, waiting patiently. He had removed his socks but still wore the winter clothing.

"What are you doing out there?" I asked.

"Waiting my turn. The closet isn't as large as the one back home, so I thought I'd give you a little space to change."

I smiled and crooked a finger at him. "You don't need to be so proper."

Edward chuckled. "Sorry, love, it's the way I was raised."

"That may be true, but you're in my world now. Come here."

"Little minx," he laughed, but rose obediently and padded over to me. Meeting him part way, I lifted my hands and began slowly opening the buttons of his shirt. Edward pulled me close with his hands on my waist, his eyes narrowing. After I reached the last button, I placed my hands on his belly, and slowly slid them up to his chest, enjoying the feel of his muscles under my palms. He closed his eyes and drew in a quick breath when I caressed his collarbones. I stretched up on my tiptoes to place a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Lifting one eyebrow, I asked in a low voice, "I'm going to take a shower, Mr. Cullen. Mind helping me scrub my back?"

He answered with a slow smile and a honey-smooth voice that almost dropped me where I stood. "It would be my pleasure, Mrs. Cullen. Allow me to assist you."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The shower was hot after being out in the frigid Alaskan wilderness and steamed up the mirrors in the bathroom. When we were finally finished, we dried each other off and wrapped ourselves in thick bathrobes.

I sat on the bed and started pulling a brush through my still damp hair. Edward quickly toweled his hair dry and tossed the towel into the hamper. With a smile, he settled onto the bed next to me.

"May I?" he asked, and reached for the brush.

Edward began brushing my hair gently. I felt a tingle where his hands occasionally touched my skin. "I love the way your hair moves," he commented. I smiled contentedly as he took his time brushing. He kissed my neck every so often, making the small hairs stand up. Every touch, every sensation coming from him seemed to register seven-fold on my overactive nervous system.

When he finished with my hair, he put the brush down and pulled me into his arms. "You are absolutely delicious, do you know that?"

I touched his nose with a fingertip. "You're just saying that," I said quietly, but I couldn't help smiling as I felt the warmth beginning in my stomach again. "Could you help me put something on?" I got up and retrieved the necklace he made for me from where it was waiting in the dresser. Dropping the necklace into his hand, I turned away from him and pulled my hair to one side so he could put it on.

"You haven't worn this for a long time," he observed, as he placed it around my neck and closed the clasp. His hands moved down to my shoulders and I felt the tender touch of his lips on the nape of my neck. I shivered and turned to face him.

"I haven't felt like I could live up to it until now," I said as I stretched up to kiss his upper lip, followed by the lower one. "I finally feel like I can sing for you again," I spoke the words into his mouth as I kissed him, and felt the velvety sensation as he returned the favor.

Then he chuckled and his lips turned into a smile against mine. "It's not something you can turn off, _ma chanteuse_," he whispered against my cheek. "You've never stopped singing for me. I adore the way you smell." He took a long whiff of my hair, and his sweet breath tickled my ear. My lips parted with a sigh as an electric current sizzled from my neck to the base of my spine. I wrapped my arms around him and melted against his chest. His lips met mine in a dance of silk and satin and liquid heat, his arms warm around my waist. We settled sideways onto the bed and our lips continued their hungry duet as our breathing grew short and urgent.

"Edward!"

Our eyes flew open at the same time. That shriek came from Alice, in the direction of the living room.

"What?!" we growled.

A rush of feet was followed by a knock on our door. Edward and I shared a glance, then he rolled his eyes as we sat up and began untangling ourselves. That was one problem with my gift. Edward's telepathy was neutralized when I was kissing him, so we didn't get the warning we used to.

"Come in!" Edward announced, at the same time Alice pushed open the door.

"Sorry, you two, but they're coming! I saw them coming!"

Edward grumbled, "Who did you see?"

Alice hesitated and looked apologetically at me. Clearly she thought that Edward and I needed time together but this was too important to wait. "It's okay, Alice," I said. "What's going on?"

Alice blinked. "Sorry, Bella, but it's the Volturi. They're headed to Forks."

Both Edward and I froze. He was the first to recover.

"How long?" he asked.

"It looks like a month. Only four this time: Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix."

Edward raised an eyebrow in exasperation. "A whole month away and you couldn't wait a few minutes? Some psychic!"

For the first time ever, I saw Alice get a little flustered. Even in the face of an impending visit from the immortal royal family, I hid a giggle behind my hand. It was nice having Edward being as eager as I was to be together.

"Yeah, well, this is important!" she finally sputtered.

Edward snorted. "Never mind. We'd better call Carlisle."

In a flash, Edward had risen, dashed into the closet and emerged clothed in corduroy pants and an oxford shirt. He leaned in and left a light kiss on my lips before rushing out the door.

After Edward left, Alice set her fists on her hips and cocked her head to the side. "I guess you guys are okay now?"

"Yeah," I shrugged and held open my hands. "It took me a while but I finally figured out where I needed to be. And Edward's voice really helps ground me."

Alice turned and began rummaging through my dresser. "Good. We've never had anybody need a therapist before and I wasn't sure who we could trust."

I laughed and stood up, grabbing the underwear, grey blouse, and khaki skirt out of the air as Alice tossed them to me. "Let's go talk to the others," I said.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Edward had Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie on the speaker phone when we got to the living room. The rest of the Denali family was already there, and I saw with a shock, so was Irina. She was sitting in the kitchen on a bar stool, apart from everybody else, quietly observing. I slid onto the couch between Edward and Kate. Alice settled onto the other couch with Tanya and Jasper. Eleazar and Carmen reclined on their customary chaise.

"Is it only the four of them?" asked Carlisle's voice.

"The same bunch as in June, minus one," Alice answered.

"Almost as many as they sent to handle a newborn army of twenty," Jasper muttered.

"I'm surprised they decided to return so soon," Carlisle mused. "I would have thought several years might pass before they thought about us again."

"They did see that Bella was human the last time they were here," Esme said.

Rosalie spoke up, "But why would they need the four of them just to check if Bella is still human? They could easily just send one to observe and report back."

"Just in case," Eleazar said. "If Bella was still human, they would have to kill her. And that wouldn't sit well with the rest of the family, would it?"

Edward frowned, and gave a slow shake of his head. "No, it would not."

"But if it's me they want, why are they going to Forks?" I asked.

"Demetri can't track you, remember?" Edward replied. "They're probably assuming you'll be there. And if not, they can always chase us down, figuring you'll be with one of us."

Esme spoke again. "Then it's settled. We'll show them Bella isn't human anymore, and there shouldn't be any problem."

Eleazar nodded. "They do love their laws."

Edward remained frowning at that comment. "Maybe, but I don't trust them."

Eleazar raised an eyebrow. "Why not? In all the time I was with them they never deviated from the law."

"You weren't there, Eleazar," Edward countered. "When we fought the newborn army, one of them surrendered to us. She was the only one left alive when Jane, Alec and the rest showed up at the battlefield. Jane was very careful with her thoughts when she was there with us, but the young one gave me a very thorough mental account before Felix destroyed her.

"The Guard arrived in Seattle with plenty of time to deal with the newborns. But instead, they allowed Victoria to go through with her plan. Encouraged her, even. If a few of us were lost in the process, Jane would not have been upset. In fact, she was rather disappointed that we had escaped unscathed."

"Unscathed except for Jacob," I objected. Edward patted my knee to placate me.

"But what do they gain from such duplicity?" Carlisle wondered, his tone skeptical.

"Reduction in numbers." Jasper's expression was severe. "And without getting their hands dirty."

"It still doesn't make sense," Carlisle insisted. "They're committed to their mission. Getting some of us killed doesn't forward that mission."

"Sure it does," Emmett spoke for the first time. "If they're supposed to enforce all the covens, having small covens makes their job easier. And if somebody else knocks us down, so much the better."

Edward had more to add. "Do you remember what I saw in Aro's mind when we went to Volterra? He wants Alice and me to join them. The thought was so strong he couldn't hide it completely, even though he tried. At the very least, he's jealous that we're with Carlisle. He would prefer if we would join the Guard, but if not, he might settle for removing us from Carlisle's family."

Eleazar didn't speak, but he frowned and rubbed his chin, deeply in thought.

After a long pause, Carlisle addressed me. "Bella, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"How is the self-control coming along?"

I made a face. "Not as good as I'd like. Eleazar has been teaching me and now, at least, I can keep from flying into a rage. They've been trying to desensitize me as well, but I still have a problem with the smell of blood."

Carlisle gave a low laugh. "We all do, Bella. We all do." A chorus of laughter broke out, in the room and from the phone. "Seriously though, that could be a problem. I'm thinking we should have the family together when Jane and company come to visit. Eight of us still might not be enough to make her hesitate, but if we're at even numbers, she definitely may not be able to resist."

"Jane's pretty sadistic," Alice agreed. "She'd love any kind of excuse."

I was a little confused. "If we outnumber them, shouldn't we be safe? I know Jane has that awful power of hers, but she can't get everybody at once, can she?"

Eleazar answered me. "When Alec and Jane are together, they're very dangerous. Alec can take away all the senses: sight, smell, touch and hearing, rendering his victim blind, deaf and helpless. He can affect a large number of people at once, and once his victims are incapacitated, they're easy targets for the rest of the Guard. Between Alec and Jane, I've seen them destroy a large coven with only a little extra help."

"That doesn't sound like much of a fight," Jasper said critically. "More like helpless sheep to the slaughter."

"Except for Bella," Edward interjected. "Alec's gift is mental so I'm sure she'll be unaffected. And she can protect some of us."

"But that's not much good in a fight," I said. "I can only touch so many people, and if I let go, they're toast."

"All the more reason for you to learn to extend your reach," Kate said quietly.

"Yeah," I mumbled, daunted by the enormity of that task. We didn't have much time.

"Either way, it's better not to underestimate them, and not to give them any excuses," Carlisle said.

Edward shook his head. "When we made that agreement with Jacob, I thought we would have more time."

"What agreement is that?" Tanya asked.

"That Bella would be able to control herself with humans before she returned to the Forks area."

Kate looked at me, speculating. "I have an idea we can try for that. It couldn't hurt."

"Thank you, Kate," Carlisle said. "If it doesn't work, we may need to come up there. I'd rather not antagonize them by making them chase us down, but more numbers would make me breathe somewhat easier."

Jasper asked, "Is there any other news from Forks?"

"No, the town seems to have settled back down," Esme said. "No suspicions have been raised. People are still careful about bears, though."

I thought about Jacob for the first time in a long time. Now that I was finally happy again, I hoped that he might be feeling better. "Any other problems with the wolf pack?" I asked.

Carlisle answered. "No, they seem to be content to keep their distance. We haven't run across them while hunting but they continue to patrol."

"So, is everybody else all right?"

"Yeah, but it's been dead boring around here without you falling all over the place."

I could just see Emmett's grinning face as he said that. I blew a raspberry at him. "Thanks, Emmett, love you, too."

The call shifted quickly from business to other family matters. After a while, Edward ended the call and Esme urged us to come home as soon as we could. We all sat for a moment, digesting the conversation. I glanced at the kitchen and saw that Irina had already left the room. Eleazar looked at Edward and broke his silence. "There may be something to what you say."

"You saw something while you were with them?"

His face was troubled as he nodded. "I didn't think anything of it at the time. It was during some of the last missions that I accompanied. Each of those missions was to quell a coven that had threatened the peace or had created a large army. It was Aro's custom to allow one or two from the vanquished coven to be spared, to show our compassion. Those fortunate enough were allowed to join us, which they naturally did. But some of those converts were quite powerful. I thought it was merely coincidence, but I'd discovered a few potential candidates for the Guard. A number of years later, Aro led the missions against their covens."

"When did you decide to leave?"

"Shortly after I met Carmen. It was rather odd. I had always been content with my lot, and felt that my contribution was necessary. I was completely committed to the mission and enjoyed ensuring the safety of our society. But after I met Carmen I started to yearn for a simpler existence, content to spend my life with her. So I left."

"Chelsea," Edward declared.

Eleazar's jaw dropped in surprise. "But, Aro knew I was committed, why would he…"

"It fits though, doesn't it?"

"What are you two talking about?" I was more than a little puzzled.

Edward turned to me to explain. "Chelsea is able to break and form bonds of loyalty, but she can't affect those bonded by love. Once Eleazar found Carmen, suddenly Chelsea lost her hold over him. I'd be willing to bet, even if you didn't have your gift, she couldn't affect you and me."

"Soo, she keeps everybody loyal to the Volturi?"

Edward nodded. "Do you remember when I told you that the Volturi was the only other large group of vampires?"

"Yes."

"Most of us who live the normal way can't seem to live together for long. Chelsea keeps them all together."

"I don't believe it." Eleazar still seemed to be working through his shock. "I found talent for Aro. Why would he force my loyalty?"

"You were valuable," Edward commented with raised eyebrow. "Can you think of a better candidate to keep loyal?"

Eleazar exhaled long, and shook his head. "I can't believe it," he repeated softly. Carmen reached over and rubbed his shoulder in sympathy.

Edward placed a hand on my back. "It looks like getting control over your bloodlust is a priority now. Kate, what's this thing you wanted to try?"

Kate waved a hand dismissively from where she sat. "Back when we were still learning to resist killing humans, I thought if I could just mask the smell of their blood it would help. I made a concoction of aromatic herbs and oils and daubed it below my nostrils."

"It worked quite well, actually," Tanya remarked.

"Do you still have any of this?" Edward asked.

Kate laughed. "That was hundreds of years ago, Edward! If I had a bottle still lying around I'm sure it would have dried out by now. No matter, I still know the recipe. If we don't have the ingredients here, I'll make a run into town today and pick up what I need."

Eleazar stood. "And I also have more to teach you. If the Volturi aren't as benevolent as I once thought," he paused and looked at each of us in turn, "you'll need to know the killing techniques and how to defend against them."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

I took a moment to change into something more appropriate for training, then the four of us adjourned to the front yard, and Eleazar began showing us the more lethal techniques. Now that the Volturi were set to make an appearance, our school work could wait. One of the advantages of distance learning was that deadlines were flexible.

"Bella, Edward and Jasper already know how to finish an opponent," Eleazar began. "So you need this the most."

Now that we understood the principles of sensing the forces and using them to our advantage, it was a slight variation to using the techniques to manipulate the opponent's arms and legs into different arm and joint locks. Just like human arms and legs, if enough pressure was applied at the right angle, vampire limbs would break. At first I balked when he started talking about gaining control of the opponent's head in order to tear it off. But he fixed me with a stern glare that stopped my hesitation short.

"Bella, if they come for your family, they won't be stopping at first blood. They'll come to destroy, and the only way to stop them is to destroy them first. This is self-defense – _they_ will not hesitate to kill _you_. You have the strength to tear off limbs, but that won't stop a vampire. You must take their head. And even then, only fire will make absolutely sure. So if you love your family, if you love your Edward, you _must_ be able to do this."

I glanced at Edward, who nodded in encouragement. That was a bit of a surprise. He was normally so overprotective he frowned on any activity that placed me anywhere in the vicinity of danger. Getting close enough to a vampire to tear off their head would involve more than a little risk.

I turned my attention back to the subject at hand. The horror I thought I should feel at the notion of intentionally killing a living creature wasn't where I expected it to be. No, that wasn't completely true. The idea of killing humans still bothered me, as I fleetingly thought of Mike and Jessica. But the image of Jane smiling angelically as she tortured Edward hardened my resolve. The last couple months of killing my own food also must have desensitized me somewhat. With a sigh, I nodded, tightened my jaw, pushed down any remaining squeamishness, and commenced learning how to tear off heads.

Somewhere toward mid-morning, I was paired off with Edward again so he could practice his technique. I was curious about this seeming change in attitude of his.

"So, you're okay with all this?" I asked as I tried a foot-sweep.

He avoided my sweep with a flick of his leg and pressed forward, while I stepped back to evade. "Okay with what?" he asked.

"With me learning to fight and learning how to tear off people's heads. Isn't that kind of hazardous?"

"Well, if you're able to take care of yourself that helps my peace of mind immensely." He feinted with a palm strike, but I didn't bite, waiting for the real thing. He followed with a flurry of attacks that I absorbed and countered, but he was also able to avoid my counterattack. "And you do this as well as I do."

"I guess so," I said as I tried to feel any openings in his defenses. It was rather gratifying to finally be his equal in something, and I was glad he didn't have an ego problem about it.

The overcast sky showed to be about mid-day when a thought came to me that made me uncomfortable.

"Eleazar?" I called. "Did you ever teach this to the Volturi Guard when you were with them?"

Eleazar had Jasper in a standing arm-lock. "No, I never did," he replied.

"Really?" Jasper interjected. Eleazar released him and Jasper rubbed at his shoulder. "If they were enforcing your loyalty, I'd have thought they'd want you to train them."

Eleazar frowned as he thought back. "They didn't really know. You see, the atmosphere in Volterra was not completely…familial. It was disciplined; Caius brooked no disagreements and infractions were dealt with harshly. Since you couldn't really tell whom you could trust, I thought it more prudent to keep my discoveries to myself."

"They never wondered how you could handle newborns all by yourself?" Edward seemed surprised.

Eleazar shrugged. "There were other strong fighters. I suppose they thought I was just another one." He wagged a finger at us in warning. "However, don't be complacent. Just because they don't know this system means they're incompetent. They do have strong warriors, as well as the gifted ones."

Jasper's brow was furrowed in thought. "Eleazar, if we can return to Forks, would you mind coming, too? I'd like to teach the rest of the family as much as we can before the Volturi come and we don't have much time. We still don't know if this will be an unpleasant visit, but I'd rather we were as prepared as possible."

Eleazar pursed his lips. "That is a good idea. Let me check if it's all right with Carmen." He waved his hands at us. "A good time for a break. I'll catch up with you in a little while."

The three of us continued working. In principle it was not so much different than what we had been learning before. Only now could we see the ultimate aim of all the other techniques – to neutralize the attack in order get close enough to seize control of the head, or a limb if the head was not possible. It reminded me of what Jasper had been teaching the family last June, but from close range, rather than dodging in and out. The uneven numbers also let us practice dealing with multiple opponents.

Around noon, Kate opened the front door and approached us, carrying a small jar which she handed to me. "Try this, Bella," she said.

The little jar was unlabeled and small enough to fit easily in the palm of one hand. I unscrewed the top and winced as an extremely pungent aroma came out and assaulted my nostrils – inside was a translucent ointment. If my eyes could still water, they would have. My nose detected menthol, camphor, eucalyptus, mint and a number of other aromatics I couldn't identify.

"I mixed it with petroleum jelly to be easier to use," Kate said. "Rub some under your nostrils. While it lasts I doubt you'll be able to smell anything else."

"Thanks, Kate," I replied. "Edward, do we still have some of that blood left? We should test this."

Kate broke in before Edward could answer. "Go try it in the tannery. If it can block that out, it'll block out blood. Can you imagine anything else as smelly?"

"No, I can't," I admitted.

I went off to the tannery to try out Kate's ointment. Now that we needed to bring the family together, we couldn't wait for me to develop my own self-control over bloodlust. The thought of Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie meeting the four Volturi while unprotected made my stomach tighten with apprehension. I might be able to protect some of them with my gift, but only if I was there. I could return to Forks with or without self-control, but if I couldn't control myself, Jacob would have to drive me away again. Or the tribe might kill me. Once again, there didn't seem to be very many options open to us.

I checked in the workshop to make sure Irina wasn't there. Quickly passing through the building, I slipped into the tannery and closed the door. The noxious smells of the tannery swirled around me, almost a visible presence. Pulling out the jar of ointment and opening it, I took a little dab of it and rubbed it below my nostrils. When I inhaled again, I was pelted in the face by the potent mixture of aromatic oils – but at least I couldn't make out the customary stench of the tannery. This had promise. As sensitive as I was to human blood, if it could drown out that odor, I might have a fighting chance at controlling myself around humans again.

Encouraged, I put the jar away and stepped out of the tannery. To my surprise, Irina was in the workshop, sitting at her bench. I had missed the sound of her entry while I was preoccupied in the tannery. I paused with my hand on the door to the tannery, but where could I go? There was no other way out of the workshop and the tannery had only one door. Sighing quietly, I squared my shoulders.

Irina could see my tension, and raised her hands in front of her, palms out. Hesitantly, she spoke to me. "Bella, I'm sorry I've been…unpleasant. I realize I haven't been very fair to blame you."

I stopped a distance away, not sure what she wanted, not wanting to risk a confrontation again. "Um…that's all right. I'm sorry if I hurt you that time."

"I'm fine. May I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Irina put her hands down and sighed. "I'm sorry, but I miss my Laurent very much." She stopped and took a slow breath. "You were the last one to see him alive. Can you…can you tell me what he was doing? What he was like?"

Finally, I understood. Irina, still grieving for Laurent, was resisting the negative images that Edward and Kate had been pushing on her. She was looking for one last, good memory of him. "Well, he was very polite," I answered. "He asked me how I was doing, how the Cullens were. Things like that."

"Did he…say anything about me?" Irina's voice was soft, unlike anything I was accustomed to from her.

"Yes. I asked him if he was staying here in Denali with Tanya and you." Irina had closed her eyes while I spoke. "He said he liked you the most of all."

Irina gave a little smile. "What color were his eyes?"

"Red."

Irina nodded, a little furrow appearing between her brows. "I…heard he was going to kill you. He wasn't…cruel…was he?"

I hesitated, debating how much to say and how to say it. "Um, no, he wasn't. He apologized for what Victoria was planning and he promised me he wouldn't let me feel anything if he killed me. He was hungry but…rather considerate in that sense."

Irina sighed again. "Well, at least he wasn't being completely evil at the end."

"No, not evil, just…hungry." I nodded, in what I hoped was a sympathetic way. "I'm sorry you lost him, Irina. At that time, I thought I lost Edward. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anybody."

Irina gave a wan smile. "Thank you, Bella. I hope you can forgive me…for acting the way I've been."

"It's fine Irina. I understand."

Irina closed her eyes. "If only he had stayed here…" Her face twisted in anguish, and she dropped her face into her hands. She began sobbing quietly.

I stood for a moment, uncomfortable, not sure what to do. Then, because it seemed to be the right thing, I quietly sat down on the bench next to her and put my arm around her shaking shoulders. After a while, Kate came into the workshop, probably to check on my progress in the tannery. Her eyebrows went up when she saw the two of us sitting together. But without comment, she came and sat on the other side of Irina. Kate put her arm around Irina, too, whispering comforting words to her in their native language.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_For those of you who were wondering, there it is. The return of the Big Bad V! Oh my lord, where do we go from here? As always, love to hear what you think!  
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	19. Chapter 18: Control

_**A/N**: The black cloaks are coming! The black cloa_ks are coming! Umm, in a month, that is... (anybody else wonder why it took a month in the books?)  
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__To my new readers, welcome to my madness. To my returning customers, thank you for spending your time with me! We're a little over half-way through the story, so fasten your seat belts. :-) Thank you for reading and commenting. I love hearing everybody's input.  
><em>_

_To my lifesavers! For reasons I won't get into right now, I was totally ready to flounce this story, but _katmom_ and _sherryola_ talked me down off that cliff. I can't thank you enough for your words of wisdom, and for helping me wrangle my words into shape!__ You guys are the best!__  
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__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. We're just out for an afternoon stroll with them. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Ch. 18 – Control<span>

After a while, Irina began to calm down. With Kate better able to comfort her than I could, I figured she was in good hands. As I gave her shoulder one final pat and quietly got up, she lifted her head and gave me a fleeting half-smile. I left the workshop to report the results of our experiment to the rest of the family.

Edward, Jasper and Eleazar were still at work in the front yard. Jasper was bent at the waist and Eleazar had his arm turned and twisted in such a manner I had no doubt he could have torn it off if he applied more pressure. They let go and straightened as I approached.

"It works pretty well," I announced. "Jasper, you might want to give this stuff a try when we get back to civilization."

Jasper grimaced uncomfortably at me. "I hope I won't need to, but it's good to have another option."

Edward was more enthusiastic. "Maybe we can go home again."

"Not just yet," I objected. "The real test would be with humans. I think we should make sure before we go home."

Edward sobered, thinking again. "Good point, we should make a trip into town again to test that ointment against actual human scent. Then we'll be able to tell Carlisle how we intend to proceed."

"You're always welcome here." The warmth in Eleazar's voice was sincere.

"Thank you," said Edward. "But Esme misses us. You heard her."

I had too, and as I thought about it, I found I missed the rest of the family as well. I also missed my parents, but pushed that ache aside for now.

"Carmen said she would like to visit with Esme," Eleazar announced. "So we'll be traveling to Washington as well."

"Esme will like that." Edward smiled.

"Excellent." Eleazar turned to me. "Edward and Jasper can continue working if they wish. I have something else for you to work on." He led me up to the top of the hill behind the house. I followed, curious as to what he had in mind. Looking back over my shoulder, I saw Edward and Jasper move toward the house, probably to let Alice know of our plans.

Standing below the wind turbines, Eleazar addressed me. "I brought you here away from the others because you'll need to be able to concentrate without being distracted. Kate spoke of extending the reach of your shield, so we spent some time speculating as to the nature of it. Because it affects only mental powers, it seemed natural that your gift must be mental in nature. However, the fact that it can be extended through touch implies some kind of physical manifestation. And if it has a physical manifestation, you should be able to learn to grasp it and control it."

"But how?" I wondered, remembering the last time I had tried to extend my shield. "I don't feel like I'm doing anything or if anything's even there to hold onto."

Eleazar gave a thin smile. "That's another part of what I need to show you. Come. Cross hands with me." I assumed the ready stance and crossed my left wrist with his, my right hand at the guard position.

"Until now, you've been using your body to sense, control and deliver energy. That's fine for the beginner. But before any movement comes the thought or the intention. The intention of your mind drives your physical force. Why do you think Edward is able to hear the movements before they're made? You think it's your body that delivers the energy, but it's the mind that moves it first. And that thought is all you really need."

He didn't move; his eyes even seemed to lose focus. Then I felt a large bolus of force entering my guard. I tried to absorb it but it kept coming; tried to deflect his arms but even though they moved, the pressure didn't turn aside. Eleazar took a small step forward and, inexorably, I felt my feet begin to skid backwards, then I had to take a step back or be bowled over. Eleazar relaxed and it stopped. "What did you see?" he asked.

Quickly thinking back, I sifted through the thoughts and sensations I had felt in the last few seconds. "You didn't strike or anything, but the energy still came forward as if you did. Your arms weren't stiff, so you weren't just using them as battering rams. And it just kept coming through no matter what I tried to turn you aside."

"Very good. This is using intention. Much more subtle than using your body to push and pull. You've heard of mind over matter? This is like that. We can use our mind to direct our energy. I want it to go in a certain direction, into your center–" He pointed at my chest. "And it goes there. The body is only a minor conduit. That's why I believe that, as ephemeral as your shield is, you should be able to use your mind to control it."

I thought for a moment. "Did it take you long to learn this?"

Eleazar didn't answer me immediately. "Everyone is different. It depends on one's ability and mental discipline. It could be easy for you."

"Or it could be hard," I mumbled. "Either way, we don't have that much time, so I better get started."

Eleazar nodded.

In hindsight, my new training routine was rather anticlimactic. He taught me two exercises. One was a standing meditation for lack of a better term. I stood with my feet at shoulder width, knees slightly bent, and with my palms resting lightly against my thighs. The pelvis was tucked slightly forward and the head pulled up, so as to make the spine a direct line up and down. I was to focus my attention on a point in the center of my body, just below the navel, and breathe slowly and deeply, in through the nose, out through the mouth. On the inhale, imagine drawing energy into my body, filling all points from the top of my head and down into my fingers and toes. On the exhale, sink the energy down into the soles of my feet and out.

I asked him how long I should do this, and he replied as long as I could. But he said for the first time he would come back after a short interval and show me the second exercise. He left me standing on the top of the hill, gazing over the snowy tundra, breathing and imagining.

My problem was not that I got tired of standing. I could stand there for weeks without moving or getting the least bit fatigued. But my attention wandered. The wind picked up and whistled through the wind turbines before dying down again. The ever changing cloud conditions fought with the afternoon sun, lightening and dimming the landscape, but sometimes a finger of light pierced through a thin patch and kissed the earth far away. A wolf howled somewhere in the distance. Down in the workshop there was the thump of a hide being beaten. Stupid vampire senses.

Each time I got distracted, I had to re-focus myself and bring my attention back to my center and my breathing. _In – two, three, four, five. Out – two, three, four, five. In– ._ I tried to visualize energy as white light, rushing in through my nose to flood my body, then ebbing down and out through the soles of my feet. But regardless of what I imagined, I didn't actually _feel_ any energy. It was frustratingly similar to the time I had tried to feel my shield using Kate's instructions. The only difference this time was I had more detailed instructions to follow.

In time, Eleazar returned to give me the second exercise. This turned out to be a sitting meditation. He had me sit cross-legged, hands on my knees. This exercise began with drawing all the imagined energy in my body into the same, small point as before – center of the body, just below the navel – then hold it there. When all the energy had been gathered, he had me imagine stretching the point into a line extending straight up my spine, through my neck and up to the top of my head, then hold the line there. Next I was to expand the line into a cylinder, then an egg shape, roughly surrounding my seated body. After holding it there for a time, I would reverse the process, shrinking the egg down to a cylinder, into a line, and then back down into a point. I was to repeat this cycle at least nine times at a sitting. When I was finished, I would take three deep breaths before opening my eyes.

Now that I thought about it, it made sense for the exercises to be mental, since we were trying to develop my mental muscles. That also worried me a little. Learning Eleazar's system hadn't been as bad as I had thought it might be, due to my body's new abilities. But despite the perfect memory, and the ability to pay attention to all my senses at once, the thoughts inside my brain were still from me. If I couldn't pull this together by the time the Volturi arrived, we would have to rely on physical numbers. And even if Eleazar and Carmen came down with us, I couldn't be sure ten vampires would be enough to deter Jane and Alec.

I kept at my exercises until Edward came up the hill to fetch me. Alice had volunteered to come with us and suggested Fairbanks because there were some materials the sisters needed for the workshop that weren't available in Healy. Fairbanks was a small city and more populated than Healy, so that would suit our purposes.

The four of us piled into the truck. It was about a two-hour, roughly northeast drive from Healy to Fairbanks, and we were timing our arrival to just before sundown. As usual, Edward took the wheel. I hadn't driven since I was human so I wondered if the skills would transfer easily to a vampire body. However, Edward enjoyed driving, so I contented myself with watching the wild Alaskan countryside roll by as the sky darkened, listening to the country station that Edward had found.

Like in Healy, Edward tried to find a spot on the outskirts downwind of the city. Unfortunately this seemed to be one of those rare, calm Alaskan evenings. After a while of waiting for the wind to pick up, we decided to just park the truck and carefully make our way closer to human habitation. Remembering the last test we did, I fervently hoped either my self-control had come along further, or Kate's ointment worked well enough to keep me from smelling humans. The seductive pull of human scent, even in memory, was enough to set a little venom going in my mouth. Edward and Jasper had better be fast.

I applied a healthy dab of the masking ointment onto my upper lip before opening the door of the truck. Once outside, it was a little disturbing to not detect the normal scents I expected in a city; instead my sense of smell was bombarded by Kate's aromatic ointment.

We started walking slowly toward the few houses that occupied the border of the city – Alice in front, Edward and Jasper close at my sides in case they needed to grab me. As we passed in front of one of the houses, Alice turned to look back at me.

"Do you smell that, Bella?" she asked.

I sniffed. There was something different coming in with the menthol, camphor and other odors but nothing I could recognize. I shook my head. "What should I be smelling?"

"Human scent trail, going into or out of the house." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Any urges?"

Like in the tannery, I couldn't make out much beyond the masking ointment. Now that she told me what I was looking for, there was a slightly different essence in the air, but nothing I recognized as human. "Not a thing," I said. I felt no untoward urges of any kind, unlike the last time we had tried in Healy. This looked promising and I felt a budding hope.

We continued on. A door slammed somewhere and we froze. After a quick non-verbal conference with Edward, Alice moved in the direction of the sound. A few blocks away, we saw a car up the street driving away from us. Alice quickened her pace until we reached the middle of that particular block. Sniffing, she indicated a spot on the sidewalk next to the street.

"Here," she pointed.

I followed where she wanted me to go and sniffed, moving my head from side to side like a scenting hound.

"Do you smell that?"

I shook my head again.

"That's a fresh scent trail. Probably from the human that just got into that car and drove away."

"Nope, can't smell it," I said with a happy grin. The rush of relief I felt made me feel a little silly and I threw my arms around Edward, picked him up and swung him around. "We can go home!" I cried.

He laughed with me, then pulled a look of mock severity on his face. "Now put me down before we attract attention."

I set him on his feet and Alice pulled me in for a hug. "Time for some shopping?" I asked her.

"Most definitely." She beamed, her eyes dancing with happiness. "I knew you could do it!"

"Hey, give credit where credit's due. It's Kate's ointment, not me."

As we started back towards the truck, Jasper cleared his throat. "Well, if that's the case, let me have some of that, Bella."

"No problem." I handed him the little jar. Jasper applied a little, wincing at the smell, and gave it back to me.

"Now, mind you, Bella, this isn't the perfect solution," Edward said. "It's still a crutch until you truly get your self-control. What if that stuff was to wear off and you're in a crowd of people? The real test is when you can stand next to them without it."

"I know, but at least it helps for now."

Jasper nudged my elbow. "Always a wet blanket, isn't he?" he muttered.

I didn't reply, but tilted my head and caught Edward's eye with a mischievous grin on my face. He rolled his eyes. "Let's go," he huffed and I started giggling.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Night had fallen by the time we found the fabric store that Alice was looking for, but the store was still open. Though Fairbanks was the second largest city in Alaska, the downtown area was rather quiet for a small city, and I chalked that up to the hour and possibly the cold weather. Most of the buildings were low, one to three-stories tall at most. Here and there cars drove through the streets, but it was not what you might consider a bustling shopping district. No one was nearby when we parked the truck in front of the fabric store.

Not really in the mood for shopping and feeling liberated by the idea that I might be able to be around humans safely again, I wondered about seeing some of the sights of Fairbanks.

Edward wasn't sure about that. "You still have to do something about your eyes, Bella. You have a hood and it's dark right now, but what if someone looks straight into your face?"

Alice made a disparaging sound, and dug around in her purse. "So she'll look emo, but that's not unusual, even up here in Alaska." She pulled out a pair of sunglasses and handed them to me.

I put the glasses on. "What do you think? Do I look normal enough?"

Alice appraised me with arched brows. "You'll do. Meet back here in an hour or so?"

We agreed. Jasper decided to stay with Alice, hoping he could find an open bookstore.

Even though the sun was down and I was wearing sunglasses, I could still see quite well. The streetlights cast plenty of light so the dark glasses weren't a problem for vampire senses. Edward and I wandered leisurely through the streets, and I picked up one of the ubiquitous tourist flyers from a kiosk to see what there was of interest in Fairbanks. We found the city hall area and stopped to look at a monument in the plaza to the first settlers of Fairbanks – a bronze statue of a man and a child in native winter garb with a dog at their side. It was in a nice enough park, but most of the ground was still covered with snow and not interesting enough to hold my attention, so we wandered away from the city center. We proceeded north until we found the Chena River. A nice, meandering promenade stretched along the river bank so we walked along it for a while, hand in hand.

A brief break in the cloud cover allowed the moon to peek through and reflect off the flowing waters of the river, painting a swatch of silver across the riffles. The scene was very pretty and Edward suggested we settle on a park bench to enjoy the view. We sat contentedly listening to the soothing sounds of the burbling water. After a while, Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek. I turned my head to him and forgot about the moon on the water as I enjoyed the feel of his lips on mine.

Edward's kisses were not hungry, but tender, this time. He paused often to look into my eyes, tracing the curves of my face with gentle fingers. The look on his face made my breath catch in my throat.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

"That's my line." He smiled and touched his forehead to mine.

"No, really," I laughed, and pulled back so I could see his whole face. "You look like you're afraid I'm going to disappear. Like the way I was at Mom's house when we visited her."

He pulled me into a closer embrace, his hands gentle on my back. "No, I'm not afraid you're going to disappear. I'm… I feel free – free to hold you, free to kiss you without worrying about inciting an episode. It's a luxury I've been waiting for since you were human. Even with a visit from the Volturi looming in the future, I'm just…" he sighed softly, his breath tickling my ear. "I'm just happy."

Basking in the reflected glow of his joy, the realization made my arms ache with holding him, and my unmoving heart seemed to warm and swell within my chest. We held each other close and I lost myself in his eyes and his kisses, forgetting where we were. Carried away by the upwelling of feelings, I gave him a heartfelt squeeze, wanting to be even closer than we were.

"Ow! Um, careful, love," he cautioned.

"Oops."

He laughed and smoothed the hair back from my face. "That's all right."

We talked quietly about inconsequential things, watching the moon play hide and seek with the clouds, heads close, exchanging the occasional kiss, content to be together. Such a simple activity, but it gave us so much joy. The thought of being able to mingle with humans again did raise some new possibilities.

"Bella, we're still enrolled at Dartmouth," Edward said. "If you can spend time amongst humans again, would you want to attend classes in person?"

I thought about that for a moment. If I could do so reliably, without endangering the humans, it might be nice to interact with people again, and be somewhat normal. My mind brought up fuzzy human memories of being on the outside of the Cullen clan looking in, and I thought it might be nice to experience that from the other side. I loved my family, but college was a big question mark that I had yet to experience. And with vampire recall and unlimited time to study, the academic part of the endeavor was much less daunting.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that," I finally answered. "How about you? You've done college before; won't you be bored with it?"

Edward traced a gentle finger along my lips. "Everything is new, now that I've found you. Going to college with you would be a brand new experience. And once we reach the graduate level, the classwork would be intriguing as well."

I smiled and kissed his fingertips. "All right, let's look into that. After this Volturi inspection thing we can move to Hanover for real."

Edward returned my smile. "Good! And there's also that second honeymoon I promised you."

I gave an exaggerated sigh. "Tsk! Is that all you can think about? Talk about a one track mind!"

He laughed and nudged me with his shoulder. "No, that's not all I think about! Give me a little credit!"

I giggled, happy I could tease him. "Well, slow down, Edward. You're going to spoil me at this rate."

He turned his head, and his face glowed in the moonlight. "It's not spoiling. You simply make me so happy, I want to share that happiness with you in every way I can."

It felt so good to hear that he was happy; a little glow of warmth seemed to touch my face. I nuzzled his cheek and kissed him. "I'm so glad I married you," I whispered.

"And I, you."

After what seemed like no time at all, Edward's phone chirped. It was a text from Alice, and he checked the time on his phone; over two hours had passed since we left them. "Shall we? Alice is about done."

"I suppose," I said with a sigh. "I like being alone with you, though."

"I know, love. So do I." Edward smiled as he got to his feet and helped me up. Then an ironic twist came to his lips. "It would be a shame if we didn't like being with each other. Imagine spending eternity with someone you didn't like."

I couldn't look up at him for a moment. "Were you…worried about that? When I wasn't myself?"

"Maybe a little, in the beginning," he said after a pause. "I've heard of cases where an immortal transformed one they thought would be their mate, only it turned out not to be. Some humans delude themselves into getting married, then find out later their feelings weren't true." He lifted my chin to meet his gaze. "Not everyone finds their mate. Why do you think I'm happy?"

I ducked my head into his chest as I pulled him close again. When I looked up again it was as if a mist was before my eyes, though that shouldn't happen anymore. I blinked. "I love you so much, Edward. I really do."

His eyes smoldered as he bent down and kissed me softly. "_Ma chanteuse_," he whispered.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We retraced our steps from the river back toward the downtown area. The city didn't have many attractions, as Fairbanks wasn't exactly a big tourist destination. There was one amusement park – Pioneer Park. It was an odd combination of museums, shops, rides and local attractions. But since it was on the other side of the city and showcased the kitschy side of Alaska, we figured we could skip it. Sprinkled around downtown were the normal restaurants, bars, shops and other businesses.

As we neared one of the bars that we had passed on our way to the river, the door opened and a group of men tumbled out. They stood unsteadily on the sidewalk, talking about what strip club to hit. Dressed as they were in jeans, heavy coats and work boots, they looked like your everyday, blue-collar workers blowing off steam after their shift. Fairbanks had a more developed industrial economy than Healy, so it was only natural to find larger numbers of workmen here.

"Oh great," muttered Edward. "It's Friday night."

"Just like Friday night in Port Angeles," I reminded him.

As we drew closer we had to step into the street to walk around the knot of eight men, who took up most of the sidewalk. I got more apprehensive as we got closer but the ointment was still fairly fresh in my nostrils. Just to be on the safe side, I took a breath and held it. Behind the dark glasses, I watched them surreptitiously. Most of them were laughing and joking too much to notice us, but one of them seemed to take a closer look at me. Too late, I remembered I had pushed my hood back when we were kissing by the river and hadn't put it back up again. The man elbowed his friend in the ribs as I pulled my hood up. He was a bit on the short side, with dark, curly hair and swarthy skin. His face reminded me a bit of a bulldog.

"Hey, check her out," I heard him whisper.

The man next to him let out a low whistle. "Oooh, yeah!" he said.

"Come on!"

Too late, I realized that Edward hadn't heard this coming since we were holding hands again. I let go so he could get a read of the situation, and glanced quickly at my attire. A knee-length, grey skirt, leggings, the boots Alice had given me, and a mid-length parka weren't exactly what I would consider a provocative outfit. I felt a moment's irritation at the lure of the vampire, combined with the piggish nature of these men; this was hardly the time for it.

"Hey, mama, wanna party?"

"Yo, girl, where you goin' so fast?"

A number of other, ruder comments peppered the air around us as the rest of the crowd joined in the pursuit. By the set of his jaw, Edward was fuming.

I queried Edward in an undertone too fast and low for the humans to hear. "Shouldn't we just run from them?"

"Too late for that," Edward answered. "Not all of them are completely inebriated, and the more sober ones would remember. Even slowly running to a more populated area would attract too much attention. Our best bet is to resolve this with no witnesses."

"But they're all witnesses!" I objected.

"Trust me," he insisted.

We kept moving, trying to ignore them, but they wouldn't give up. Finally we came to a little side-street. Edward and I looked up and down it, and didn't see anybody. I queried him with a raised eyebrow, and he nodded. We turned down the street, and our unwanted retinue followed after. Safely off the main street, we turned to face them.

"What do you want?" Edward asked the one in front with the bulldog face. He seemed to be the instigator.

"You ain't from around here? Jus' call us the welcome wagon, y'know what I'm sayin?" He grinned, showing one tooth capped with gold.

"Yeah, we're just lookin for a good time, to show yer girl how welcome she is, neh? Wanna join us?" Bulldog's friend mumbled his speech as he swayed on his feet.

There was a chorus of ugly laughter. There didn't seem to be any hesitant faces in the crowd, so this kind of behavior wasn't unusual for them, or they were too drunk to consider it.

"No, thank you." Edward's voice, while cold as ice, was deadly polite.

"Hey, I ain't askin you!" Bulldog said. "Maybe yer mama's tired of a candyass like you. Maybe she like a real man, y'know what I'm sayin?"

I almost laughed. If only he knew just what he was getting himself into. Unfortunately, eight dead men would not help us keep a low profile.

Edward let the façade of civility drop and he glared at them as only a vampire can. "I think you'd better leave! While you still can," he snarled.

Some of the mob hesitated briefly. One or two even took a step back, and for a moment I wondered what they were seeing. But for the rest, the booze must have dulled their normal human perceptions that would have sensed the terrifying monster before them.

The ringleader grinned evilly and said through his teeth, "Homey mus' be trippin! Leave dis, yo!"

He pulled a gun out of his waistband, racking the slide with a metallic snick. The grey gunmetal glinted dully under the dim streetlights. That action seemed to restore the bravado of the group. Some of the other men reached into their clothing; another gun and several knives appeared in the crowd as well.

But Edward had had enough of their crap. Without a word, he flashed forward, struck the leader on the side of the head, then moved to the next assailant. I quickly brought my arm up to my mouth, took a breath through my sleeve and held it. Then I moved. They seemed like statues frozen in place as I flitted from one to the next, flicking them on the side of the temple with my fingertips. This wasn't self-defense, but I was glad for the training that had given me back my muscle control. I was through the crowd of them in no time, having struck four, and turned around for the rest of them. But they were already starting to collapse as Edward had finished with them before me.

"Are yours dead?" Edward asked clinically.

"I hope not," I answered. "I hit them as lightly as I could. Could you check them?"

Edward briefly examined each downed man. "Well done, love. They're alive but unconscious." One of them groaned and stirred slowly. "Except for that one." Edward reached out and tapped him lightly on the side of the head and he fell limp again.

"Who were they?"

"Just some rough necks who had too much to drink. Alcohol abuse is a big problem in Alaska, and is a significant contributor to their crime rate. The leader, though, seemed to have a taste for this."

I shook my head in dismay. "I guess big city problems are the same all over."

"Intoxication is no excuse for sexual assault," Edward agreed. "A couple of them were rather eager for it once they got me out of the way, and I wouldn't be surprised if they have outstanding warrants. I'm sure they may have broken some concealed carry laws, but we should let the police sort it out."

"All right."

Edward rose and returned to my side, a proud smile spreading across his face. "I'm impressed you were able to not only disable them, but resist killing them in the process. You did well."

I shrugged. "Do you think I'll be good enough to show Jacob?"

"I'm sure of it. However, I have to say, you're still a danger magnet. I'm pretty sure it isn't me." He gave me a wry grin.

"Yeah, I guess that hasn't changed much," I said sarcastically.

"Let's go find Alice. With any luck these men will be too drunk to remember any of this when they wake up."

Frowning slightly, I asked, "Was this really a better solution than running from them?"

"Certainly," Edward grinned indulgently. "Think of how it looks from their point of view. One moment we're there, the next, they wake up and we're gone. Easily explained because they'd all been drinking."

"We should call somebody though, just to make sure these idiots don't freeze out here."

"I don't think they deserve your concern," Edward disagreed. But he rummaged through the pockets of one of the men until he found a cell phone, then called the authorities to report eight drunks who had attempted to assault passers-by.

"I'm a little surprised you decided to follow my lead," Edward confessed as we hurried back towards the downtown shopping area. "I thought you were the non-violent type."

"It's no more than they deserved. Nobody should be threatened with violence, and I was a little disgusted that drinking would make people act that way," I retorted. "Besides, I told you I don't want to be Lois Lane all the time. Hey, there's Alice and Jasper."

Alice and Jasper were waiting for us at the truck, and had several boxes and bags which we loaded into the bed. As we started getting in, Alice turned to me. "So, did you like playing Batman?" she asked.

I gave her a sheepish grin, a little embarrassed for beating up some humans. "Yeah, a little. I feel a little sorry for them, though; they're so pathetic when they think they're tough."

"Yes, they are," she said archly, looking pointedly at Jasper and Edward. She dodged as Edward reached over to muss her hair.

As I climbed into my seat, I remembered I had yet to drive my truck. When we came up here I had been much too depressed to worry about driving. I also wasn't sure how much muscle control I had back then. But now after the incident with the crowd of thugs, I was sure of my abilities, and ready to give it a try. "Edward, do you mind if I drive?" I asked.

A slightly pained expression touched his brow. I laughed at him. "It's not my old truck, remember? I'm sure I'll drive faster than that."

"Yes, I suppose," he grumped, but he handed me the keys. I leaned over and kissed him quickly.

After quickly adjusting the mirrors, seat and steering wheel, I fired up the engine. It wasn't the thunderous roar of my old truck, more the low, thrumming growl like a hunting beast. I backed the truck out of the space, and maneuvered onto the street. Following Edward's directions, I found Highway 3, and we started our journey home.

After I settled in behind the wheel, it became apparent that, just like riding a bike, my driving skills hadn't gone away. And like everything else, my vampire abilities changed the experience. Out on the open road, I began to see what Edward had meant by Rosalie's contribution to my truck. On a few straight sections of road, the truck reached seventy-five and eighty miles an hour without effort. Like when we were running, my enhanced senses kept track of everything for me. Even at eighty miles an hour, the reaction time needed was a fraction of what we were capable of. No wonder Edward hardly looked at the road when he drove, nonchalantly steering one-handed most of the time.

The sensation of speed was good, but not quite as good as when we were running. I suppose the vehicle deadened some of the sensations that came with speed. More speed was needed. I felt a grin crack open my lips as I pressed down on the accelerator and the engine responded. It surprised me how much I was enjoying this. No wonder they all liked to drive fast.

"Bella, be careful," Edward cautioned.

Grinning incredulously, I glanced at him. "My driving isn't making you nervous, is it? Too fast for you?"

"No," he snorted. "But the road is going to go through some mountains. Higher elevations can mean black ice, and vampire reflexes or not, physics and slippery roads will still affect us."

"Mm, good point," I said. While we probably could walk away from a car wreck, it would definitely attract attention. A touch reluctantly, I brought the speed down to more reasonable levels.

"I should call Carlisle," Edward muttered, and pulled out his phone. While he spoke with his father and told him the good news, it occurred to me that we were finally going back home.

It was the lightest I had felt in a long time. There was still an edge, an urgency since we were not returning by choice – we were hurrying back in order to meet the Volturi inspectors, as I considered them. When I had arrived here, I was deep in a depression – fresh from killing two friends, unsure of my place, unwilling to touch anyone for fear of hurting them, and most of all, unsure of how I felt about Edward. Helping the sisters around the ranch had helped by letting me contribute and feel somewhat useful while coming to grips with my issues. Now that we were no longer trapped here, and I was once again blissed out with Edward, some of the burden of guilt was lifted from me.

I had resented coming to Denali at first. It was my exile, made worse because I had dragged others along to serve time with me. But my experiences up here had unknowingly been exactly what I needed. From Kate's quiet encouragement, to Eleazar's experience and training, and even Tanya's cheerful irreverence. And, of course, Alice, Jasper and Edward's patience and advice. Especially after the way I had been with Edward, I had so much to be thankful for. They had all helped me in their own ways, guiding me on the path back to a whole heart.

Regrets over killing Mike and Jessica still lingered and I supposed the guilt would stay with me for a long time, like an old weather-wise knee joint – long healed but still nagging from time to time. And as everybody said, there wasn't anything I could do about it now. On the bright side, the improved self-control, whether it came out of a jar of ointment or not, brought nursing school a little bit closer.

Back to Forks. The thought of going back home had seemed so far away at one time. Now that it was imminent, I felt a flutter of excitement. But what should we expect back home? Now that I thought of it, we weren't technically supposed to be there, but in New Hampshire. We couldn't see anybody, because the explanations would be awkward. And there was the small problem of my altered appearance.

E-mails from Charlie had kept me more or less abreast with events back home. They still read like a police report but were informative. Football season was underway and the Seahawks were doing poorly. Things down at La Push were pretty quiet, except Sam and Emily had gotten married. I felt a moment of dismay, because I had missed their wedding. Then I shook my head. What was I thinking? It would have been a little awkward to invite the killer vampire to their wedding. Once again I felt a twinge of pity for Leah. I hoped being a bridesmaid hadn't been too awkward for her.

Charlie hadn't said much about Jacob, except that Billy was trying to convince him to go off to college. I felt a little guilty when I read that. I hoped he was not moping around La Push because of me. Part of me felt like I should talk to him about that when we got back. But was it any of my business anymore? Carlisle hadn't mentioned any other upheaval at the reservation so Jacob must still be the leader of the wolf pack. Now that I could somewhat control myself, would he still feel obligated to protect me from the pack? I was still a killer, self-control or not.

Then I remembered that Sam wasn't pressured to go to college once he had become a werewolf. Jacob would not be going as long as he was one, too. Definitely not as long as he remained the alpha of the pack. So that tidbit from Billy must be just part of the cover story.

"And tell Jacob that we're coming back," Edward was saying. "He said he might need to prove to the pack that Bella can control herself." I heard Carlisle ask how Jacob was going to prove it. "I don't know, but that's his problem, so he might want give some thought to it. See you in a couple days." He hung up the phone.

"Alice?" I called over my shoulder. "Can you see what my mom and dad are up to?"

There was a brief pause. "Nothing unusual. Right now he's still at the diner. Your mother is asleep but tomorrow she's going to yoga class."

I pictured Charlie in the diner. Probably at his usual table in the corner with a beer and a burger. And mom had taken up yoga again. Well, that was good, at least she was getting some exercise, and it wasn't too outrageous.

I must have sighed too loudly because Edward reached over to rub my shoulder. "You miss them," he said.

I nodded. "I do. But what can I do about it? Even if I can stand next to them without wanting to kill them now, how am I going to explain this?" I waved a hand at my face indicating my transformed state. "Who else left family behind?"

Edward instantly understood what I was asking. "Emmett and Rosalie."

"Did they ever go back to see them?"

He didn't answer. As I glanced over I saw the corners of his mouth were turned down.

"Did they?" I insisted.

"No."

I let out a sigh. "That's what I thought."

After another long silence, Edward spoke hesitantly, "Once you have your full self-control without Kate's ointment, maybe you could…" He trailed off as if knowing what I was going to say.

"You know how much my mom sees," I said. "And Charlie's a cop. He's trained to be observant. Do you remember the first night you spent over at my house? He could tell something was up just because I was a little excited, and he disconnected my battery cables. How am I supposed to get _this_ past him? Can you see either of them not wanting to give me a hug? How do I explain my skin becoming hard and cold?"

Edward rubbed his face while he thought. When he finally spoke, I could tell he was picking his words carefully. "I'm afraid I can't really advise you on this point. I never wanted to take anything away from you, but we're here now. I'd like you to be able to keep your parents in your life, if that's what you want. But I'm not quite sure how we could accomplish that."

"Yeah, I know." I stared out at the passing road for a while. I didn't see much in the way of alternatives. The silence in the cab stretched out, and I turned on the radio to fill in the gaps. I would deal with it after the Volturi visited.

Another thought occurred to me. "Alice?" I glanced in the rear-view mirror.

"Mmm?"

"You said the Volturi are going to be here in a month. Can you see what they're doing? Why should it take them a month to get here?"

Silence fell inside the truck again, but I could hear some stirrings.

"I don't know," Alice finally admitted. "I just see that they're coming, and when they arrive. It doesn't make sense to me either, since it's only the four of them."

"That's right," said Jasper. "You would think they might have a corporate jet for just such an occasion. Somehow I doubt they would be able to fly coach."

I looked over at Edward and he shrugged. "Don't look at me. Considering it took you and Alice little more than a day to get from Forks to Volterra, I haven't the foggiest notion what would take them so long."

"Maybe they have to find a sitter for the dog," I muttered.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

When we arrived back at the house, Alice and I carried the supplies into the workshop, then we immediately got to work packing up our things. As I stowed my books, I made a guilty face; I hadn't touched my schoolwork in almost a week. Then I shook my head and laughed at the old high school habits. Distance learning did have its benefits.

Edward and I had only brought enough clothes to fit in one suitcase each, so were finished very quickly. We carried the bags out to the truck, where Jasper was waiting for us. Kate, Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar were also outside waiting.

"Tanya and I decided to come down for a visit as well," said Kate as she handed me a small bag containing little jars of ointment. "So the four of us will be following shortly, once we've had a chance to pack."

"Thanks, Kate," I said, and hugged her.

The front door to the house opened and Alice appeared carrying her outsized suitcase. Following behind her was Irina, her expression soft and showing none of the anger I was used to seeing.

The goodbyes were relatively short since we would be seeing each other again before too long. I took Alice's bag and packed it into the truck bed. Just to make sure things didn't slide around I secured all the bags under the cargo net and closed the bed cover. When I hopped down and closed the tailgate, Irina was standing next to me.

"Um, won't you like to come visit, too?" I ventured, nervously.

Irina gave a subdued smile and shook her head. "I'd like to see Carlisle and Esme again, but it's too close to the wolves. I…I don't think I could trust myself, and I don't want to make trouble for Carlisle. Maybe some other time."

"You're always welcome," I said, and held out my hand.

Irina took my hand, and pulled me closer to plant a kiss on each of my cheeks. "Thank you, Bella," she said. "And thank you for Laurent. We immortals have a long memory, but I feel a little better now."

Wordlessly, I pulled Irina into a hug, wishing I could dispel the rest of her hurt, but knowing that it would be a long process. "Take care of yourself." I gave her shoulder a final pat and turned to get in the truck.

I was surprised to see Alice behind the wheel. Edward explained that he wanted to make better time and her talent was more long-range than his, so he and I got into the back. As Alice started the truck moving down the gravel driveway, I turned to wave at our Denali family, who waved until we disappeared into the trees.

= = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Seriously, how long does it take to pack up a spare cloak, anyway? As always, love to hear your thoughts!_


	20. Chapter 19: Homecoming

_**A/N**: Hello, all. Sorry for the delay in posting. Sometimes real life gets in the way. If you're still with me, thank you so much for sticking around! I appreciate you spending your time with me!  
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_My deepest thanks to _katmom_, for keeping me from embarrassing myself, and to _sherryola_, for making sure I don't get too far off the beaten track. Love you ladies, lots!  
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___**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. We're just playing dress-up for a while with them. No copyright infringement is intended.___

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><p><span>Ch. 19 – Homecoming<span>

Even with Alice driving, the trip back to Washington still took about two days. At one point I asked what things she was seeing and avoiding. She listed relatively mundane things like hazardous road conditions, speed traps and state troopers. We also needed to stop for gas a number of times. When we did I either stayed in the truck or donned my sunglasses and scent-masking ointment before stepping out. It was nice to feel somewhat normal again.

On the trip up to Denali, I had been too wrapped up in my own misery to pay attention to much else. Now that I was more aware of myself as a vampire, I seemed to have an extra reserve of patience. My hazy human memories of family road trips held overall impressions of boredom and frustration. Of course, I was older now, so that could be part of it as well.

Easy conversation and several impromptu sing-alongs – spurred by whatever was on the radio – also helped time pass. I knew Edward had musical talent, and Alice's beautiful speaking voice was only a shadow of her singing voice. But Jasper surprised me with his rich bass. I had better control over my voice now than before and did my best to join in, but I still had room for improvement. Thus engaged, the long miles slipped by quickly. Eventually we crossed the border into Washington without any mishaps.

The closer we got to Port Angeles, the more landmarks I began to recognize. Suddenly I heard Alice gasp. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward give a minute nod. Shortly after that, Alice pulled off the main road into a gas station. I glanced at the fuel gauge; it read half-full. I reached out and took Edward's hand. He gave me a quick smile that faded back to smooth and expressionless as he looked out the window. That in itself told me something was up.

I waited until Alice finished fueling and climbed back into the cab. "So what did you see?" I asked. Alice began to babble on about a traffic jam on our route, but I insisted. "We didn't really need to fill up, and Edward is hiding something. Is it bad?" Still nobody answered me. Jasper was looking quizzically at both Alice and Edward. Alice started the truck and steered it back onto the highway again.

"You guys know it's not going to be as easy to hide stuff from me as when I was a stupid human," I said with some acerbity.

Edward gave up with a sigh. "Alice saw Charlie."

"Where?" It was my turn to gasp.

"He was patrolling on the outskirts of Forks," Alice confessed. "He recognized me driving and stopped to talk with us."

"And saw me in the back seat," I guessed.

Alice affirmed this with a nod. "I stalled so he could get far enough away from the area that we wouldn't cross his path," she finished.

Edward reached over and put a hand on my knee. "I didn't want to upset you," he said.

I gave an irritated sigh. "Edward, you should know by now that it upsets me more when you hide things from me, rather than if you were just honest from the start."

Edward murmured his apologies, but at the same time they were partially right. A mix of emotions swept over me. I was dismayed that I had missed the chance to see my father, but that was quickly drowned by relief that he shouldn't see me like this. The whole episode brought back thoughts of what to do about my parents.

E-mail correspondence was fine to a certain point. But once school let out for the holidays and for summer I would have to be more creative about why I wasn't coming home to visit. I brooded about it all during the drive from Port Angeles to Forks.

Travel study would be a reasonable excuse. If we were in Europe on travel study programs it would be too difficult to come back for weekend visits. Yet even that would only go so far. Sooner or later, Renee would want to see me in person.

Did I really need to say goodbye? Once my eyes faded to yellow maybe we could get the right color contact lenses to make brown. And by then maybe my control over the bloodlust would be better.

It was the same issue that dogged me before I was changed. I had said goodbye to my parents, but not permanently. Graduation and my wedding were supposed to provide some kind of closure, but I hadn't given much thought to the details after that. Maybe I had subconsciously hoped that I might be able to keep them in my life. But the further along I let it go and the longer I kept my distance, the more they would begin to wonder what was going on.

I was pulled out of my reverie when Alice turned into the meandering driveway up to the house. It seemed so long since we had left, I felt like a prisoner on parole, returning home for the first time. The lush ferns and dense forest lining the driveway – which once seemed ominous to my human sensibilities – now waved bright and green, a welcoming throng for the prodigal children.

The family had heard the sound of my truck winding up the driveway to the house; Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were all standing on the front porch waiting for us when we pulled around the last turn. As we climbed out of the truck, we didn't have to wait for long before they came down to greet us.

Esme rushed off the porch and caught Edward and Alice up in a move that reminded me of Renee, then quickly grabbed me, too. "Well done, Bella!" she exclaimed, her arms awkwardly full of us. "I'm so happy you're all home." Her eyes were alight with such pure joy, there was no question as to our welcome.

"Thanks, Esme." I laughed as I hugged her back. "I couldn't have done it without everybody's help."

Carlisle stood at Esme's elbow and peeled me off into a hug of his own. "Welcome home," Carlisle said in his warm, comforting voice.

"It's good to be home."

Rosalie stood next to Emmett as he pounded Jasper on the back. "The truck runs awesome, Rosalie!" I cried. "Thanks a bunch!"

Rosalie smiled her acknowledgement of my thanks. "My pleasure," she said. "It was interesting working on a Japanese vehicle for a change."

Part of my mind tried to pay closer attention. Was it my imagination or was Rosalie not being openly disdainful to me in either tone or expression? Well, the last time we had spoken face-to-face she had given me some sisterly advice about adjusting to life as an immortal; I had just been too upset to process the ramifications. Maybe, just maybe, she was softening her disapproval of my choices?

I had to put those thoughts aside for later because Emmett, of course, was more exuberant with his greetings. When Carlisle released me, Emmett immediately pounced and caught me up in a bear hug.

"How was Denali, Bella? Did Tanya teach you anything?" he asked, the dimples on his face accented by his infectious grin.

"Yeah, it was great," I said when I could draw breath. "I helped tan leather and make clothes. It was pretty interesting. I killed a grizzly and hunted moose and caribou. You must like it up there."

His look was incredulous. "That's it? That's all you and Edward did?"

"Uh, we started school and we climbed Mt. McKinley," I said, not sure what he was getting after.

He turned to Edward and tried to stiff-arm him in the shoulder, which Edward easily evaded. "So how was it, Edward? Did you guys get busy?" Emmett's raucous laugh boomed out.

"Knock it off, Emmett!" Edward growled. His embarrassment was apparent on his face and if he could, he would have made a fair attempt at blushing through a vampire's pallor. Now I knew what Emmett was talking about and I wasn't happy about it.

"Oh, come _on_! You mean to tell me after waiting 90 years you don't have any itches to scratch? Or maybe the scratching post doesn't work after all these years! Does Bella even know how to scratch?" Emmett broke off, guffawing at his own ribaldry.

Even Rosalie cringed, and elbowed Emmett in the ribs. I glared daggers at Emmett and opened my mouth to give him a piece of my mind when Edward stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. His expression was suddenly composed and he caught my eye and winked, then turned to address his brother.

"Emmett, do you think that's such a good idea? Bella's still a newborn, you know. She's stronger than you are."

"This little girl? Please!" Emmett scoffed, his voice oozing with derision.

"Don't judge, brother mine," Edward chided. "Bella could show you what she learned up in Denali, but I don't think you could stand the embarrassment."

Emmett's brow furrowed, but he couldn't contain his curiosity. "What are you talking about? Did Tanya teach her about doing the wild thing, after all? OW!"

That last comment had earned him another whack, this time from Esme. I didn't need her to fight my battles, but it was funny watching her chastise the big lug.

Edward's lips spread in an evil grin. "I'm saying that, right now, Bella can take you."

Emmett rolled his eyes and made a rude noise while he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, in your dreams!"

Edward never stopped grinning. "You don't mind a small wager then, do you?"

Emmett's grin widened to match Edward's and he straightened up. "Bring it!" he declared.

"All right, if Bella wins, you shut up about us and do her chores for a year," Edward proposed.

Finally realizing what he was up to, I thought I should step in before this got too far. "Um, Edward —" I started. He held me off with an upraised hand.

Emmett laughed with sinister glee. "And if I win, the two of you are not going to hear the end of it! In fact, I'm going to post crap about you on the web!"

"Emmett!" Esme called sharply. "That would not be helpful!"

Emmett made a face. "Okay, okay, I was just joking. All right then, I get to give you two crap, and Edward has to wear a tutu around the house for a year."

"Easy money," Edward said as he stepped forward with his hand out. "Deal!" They shook on it.

I waved my hands at the two of them, fuming. "Hey, remember me? I'm standing right here! Do I have any say in this?"

Edward came quickly to my side and whispered in my ear. "You don't have to if you don't want to, love. But if you back down now, you know he'll bother us about our intimate life anyway. And you've handled grizzly bears; he'll be just like that."

I bared my teeth and growled deep in my throat to let him know I wasn't happy about it, but I didn't say no. I wasn't too thrilled at the idea of giving Emmett free rein to razz us all the time, either.

Esme caught my growl and grew concerned. "Edward? Are you sure Bella has control of herself?"

"Without question. She intentionally stunned four humans in Fairbanks without killing them."

Esme raised her eyebrows at this revelation. "You'll have to tell us about this." She turned to Carlisle. If anybody could put a stop to this silliness, it was him. "Carlisle, dear, you don't think this is acceptable, do you?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Ordinarily, a gentleman never strikes a lady—"

"Tell that to Victoria," Emmett interrupted. "Hey, Dad, we're just being practical here. If we're meeting the Volturi, and it goes south, we need to know if Bella can handle herself, right?"

Carlisle pursed his lips, thinking. Was he thinking of giving me an out? Did I even want one? No, considering how raunchy Emmett could be, I'd rather stop this right now if I could. Finally Carlisle spoke.

"Bella? Is this something you agree to?"

I shrugged. "He has a point, Carlisle. And I think I'd like to shut him up about this once and for all."

Behind Carlisle's back, Emmett mugged at me, holding his hand to his forehead with the thumb and forefinger in the shape of an 'L'.

Carlisle sighed and shrugged. "All right. Emmett, no rough stuff."

"Boys!" someone exclaimed in a disgusted tone. I was pretty sure it was Alice.

We adjourned to the meadow in front of the house. Emmett took off his shirt, walked to the opposite side of the clearing then turned and flexed in a body-builder's pose. His huge biceps bulged and rolled under his skin and made me think twice. The giant pectoral muscles lay like shields across his chest, and his abdominal muscles rippled down his stomach like the waves of a rapid. A wild, untrained elemental grizzly was one thing. Emmett was no novice, and had been a vampire for much longer than me. And he literally ate grizzlies for breakfast.

Panicking a little, I turned to Edward. "Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Positive," he replied, without a moment's hesitation. "Remember what Eleazar said? The more power they have, the better. Just try not to hurt him…too much."

"If you say so." I wished I shared his confidence.

"Hey, if you cheat, I win," Emmett taunted. "Better get that tutu ready!"

"No cheating, I just reminded Bella not to hurt you." Edward smirked. Emmett sneered at us.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I was fairly sure that Emmett wouldn't try to hurt me, but he was still huge. Not as big as the grizzly I had killed but somehow much more impressive and terrifying. Eleazar had said everyone has two arms and two legs, but I don't think everyone had arms and legs quite this big. "Don't be fearful, don't be greedy," I muttered to myself, and stepped out to the middle of the clearing.

Emmett was grinning, swinging his massive arms back and forth. Not sure what Emmett would do, I raised a hand and beckoned him to come forward. Emmett bounced on his toes a few times, then crouched and charged in a kind of half-assed effort, arms wide to catch me. Unlike that time he was practicing in the field with Jasper, he didn't even bother to be subtle. It did remind me of the charging grizzly bears, and I had no trouble tracking his movement.

When he got close enough, I stepped to the side, caught an arm and guided his energy past me, not bothering to absorb any of it. Emmett went roaring by like a bull, arms flailing as he skidded to a stop. He straightened a little, his eyes narrowing. "Looks like you did learn something up there," he rumbled.

I shrugged one shoulder, raised my hand and crooked my fingers at him again.

"All right," he growled, and came on. This time he didn't rush, but fell into more of a boxer's crouch, fists in front of him, ducking and weaving, sidling left and right as he drew closer.

"Emmett!" Esme shouted.

"I won't hurt her, Mom!" Emmett snarled, and lashed out with an open hand.

The slap stung my left cheek, surprising me and rocking my head for an instant. Rage flared hot in my mind, and distracted me as I fought it back. Then I was flying backwards from a solid shove on my chest. Helpless to stop my flight, I hit the ground, tumbling out of control before I could tuck my shoulder and roll to my feet. Looking about quickly, I turned in time to see Emmett, charging forward to continue the assault.

Face alight with eagerness, Emmett came at me again, but this time I was ready and kept my calm. He threw a few more jabs that I flicked aside before I closed the distance and engaged both his arms, my wrists crossing his forearms. Not liking the proximity, he ground his teeth and let loose an uppercut. If it had connected I had no doubt it would have pulverized granite. But there was _so much_ force, I couldn't help but feel it coming. A small twist of the forearm was all it took to redirect it harmlessly aside. With the energy dissipated, it was an easy matter to press both of his arms down, trapping them against his body.

Toe-to-toe, my nose at his chest level, he leaned back to pull his arms free and threw them wide to engulf me in a bear hug. Just like the bear, I stopped his attack with a double palm-strike to the chest. An impact like the crash of two boulders colliding thundered about the clearing, and he exhaled explosively, drops of venom flying from his mouth. As his torso recoiled from my strike, I gave a downward push to his hips forcing him to sit down hard. I stepped in and Emmett's head was now easily in reach. Grabbing his chin and the back of his neck with either hand, I exerted enough pressure to turn his head slightly but stopped. The next move was the finisher.

"Damn!" Emmett's curse was muffled against my hand.

I became aware of Jasper and Edward's whooping and hollering, so I stepped back and offered Emmett my hand. "Sorry, Emmett, you okay?"

He ignored my hand, pushed himself to his feet and stalked away, muttering.

"You can start by washing Bella's truck!" Edward yelled after his brother, who snarled in reply.

"Now he's mad at me," I worried as I walked back to Edward's side. Alice's expression was smug, and even Rosalie looked appreciative.

"He'll be fine," Edward said. "He'll sulk for a little while but he doesn't hold a grudge."

As if in answer, we heard a thunderous crash and splintering of wood. In the woods across the river, the crown of a pine tree shivered, then slowly toppled over.

"Maybe an hour or two," Edward reassured me, and proceeded to brush the leaves and dirt off my clothes.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

With the impromptu sparring match out of the way, Edward and I got our things out of the truck to bring into the house. Jasper and Alice had already taken care of their belongings. Rosalie was tying her shoes, preparing to go into the woods to find Emmett. Dressed as she was in slim jeans and a yellow, long-sleeved, scoop-necked shirt, I sighed a bit. I'd never be able to pull off that color like she could.

"He's such a boy sometimes," she said with a fond smile and languid eyes.

"Should I come with you to apologize to him?" I wondered.

She shook her head. "No, Edward's right; he won't hold a grudge. He might want a rematch though."

"Wonderful," I muttered.

With a flash of golden hair, Rosalie vaulted off the porch and bounded toward the river.

The inside of the house was a welcome sight, everything where it was when we had left. The grand piano rested on its raised stand and I felt a yearning to hear Edward play again. Maybe after we had settled in I would ask him. We carried our bags up to our room and began to unpack. Once we were done, I noticed all the shelves, still standing empty since Edward had 'child-proofed' his room. The shelves I had broken had been replaced.

I touched Edward's arm as he was storing the luggage in the closet. "Hey, since I'm not a maniac anymore why don't we put your stuff back up?"

He looked critically into my eyes. "Are you sure you don't have any more maniacal tendencies?"

I rolled my eyes and swatted him on the shoulder. "Oh, come on," I said, as he laughed at me.

We retrieved his boxes from Carlisle's study and began unpacking. I placed his CD collection on the shelves I could reach, not worrying about the order since he had his own method of organizing them. As we continued putting things on the shelves, I noticed him carefully opening one box and gingerly unwrapping the contents. They were our wedding pictures and some of his other keepsakes.

I wrapped my arms around him and nestled into his side as he arranged a bottle cap next to a picture of the two of us, taken right after we had said our vows and kissed. In the picture, I was smiling up at Edward, my veil trailing down my back. I couldn't help but note the hint of color in my cheeks and my brown eyes. Gently, I fingered the bottle cap.

"What's this from?" I asked, not sure of its significance.

A gentle smile touched his lips as he gazed at it. "It's just something from the first day we really started talking to each other, after I realized how I felt about you. You were drinking lemonade at lunch."

I was suddenly touched by a wellspring of tenderness. "I didn't know you were so sentimental," I said softly.

Edward gave a quick laugh that was almost a snort. "I wasn't. Do you see what you've done to me? I've turned into a teenaged girl."

I reached up and lay my fingers against his face. "I think it's sweet."

Edward smiled, took my hand, and while holding my gaze, turned to kiss my palm. I drew closer, put my other hand around his back and stretched up to kiss his lips. The crook of his elbow came up to cradle my neck, and he bent me back and deepened the kiss, slowly and sweetly. My lips parted with a sigh, and I lost myself in a kiss that just may have curled my toes. This was my idea of coming home.

One kiss became another, then another. Warmth was just starting to grow in my belly, and my breath was beginning to quicken, when the house phone rang. I didn't stop the kisses, but let a corner of my mind monitor events as Carlisle took the call. Then before too long he hung up and called out to the house. "Jacob is on his way!"

A hint of a growl escaped Edward's lips and tickled my tongue as his lips lingeringly left mine. "It must be that test he was talking about," Edward mused.

"Oh, super," I muttered as the butterflies almost immediately started flying around in my stomach.

"You'll be fine," he assured me.

"Well, I don't really have a choice, do I?" Reluctantly, I released him and went to the bathroom to get a jar of Kate's ointment.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We heard the sound of Jacob's Rabbit coming up the drive long before he arrived at the house. Even without vampire senses we could have heard him; he would need to work on that exhaust system sometime.

Everybody, including Emmett and Rosalie, was on the front porch, waiting. As I glanced over at Emmett, he caught my eye and gave a little wink. I wasn't sure if that meant everything was okay, or 'I'll get you later.' A little nervous at my audience, but knowing I had to do it, I walked down the front steps to stand between Edward and Jasper.

Looking through the windshield, I was surprised to see Jake's father, Billy. His eyes were wide as he took me in for the first time. Jacob got out of the car first and pulled Billy's wheelchair out of the trunk.

"Hey, Bella," Jake said. His tone was indifferent, and I noticed he was keeping his face stiff and wooden. As irritation flooded through me, I realized with dismay that I had been looking forward to seeing him again. I silently told that disappointed part of myself to be quiet. This wouldn't do, especially after I had promised to give him space.

"Hi, Jake," I said, in as neutral a tone as I could manage. A variety of greetings came from the assembled family members.

"I brought my Dad." From Jacob's tone, he wasn't very happy about this. "He already knows about you, and he's full human. You recognize him, right?"

I knew he was just concerned about my blood lust being under control, but the question still insulted me. I controlled my annoyance with some effort. "Yes, I know him," I answered evenly. "How've you been, Billy?"

"Been better," Billy said from the car. "Feet been bothering me some."

"Sorry to hear that." I paused. "Are you okay with doing this?"

"You're almost family, Bella," he said. "I had to see you for myself."

Without another word, Jacob opened the passenger door and helped Billy into his wheelchair. I started to take a step towards them but heard a low growl come out of the woods. I turned my head toward the sound and saw Sam. A small flight of butterflies took off in my stomach at the sight of the huge, black wolf. A grey wolf and a sandy-coated wolf accompanied him – Leah and Seth. All three of them pushed silently out from under the trees and padded over to stand next to Billy and Jacob, a canine wall that flanked either side of the two human forms.

Not wanting to make them nervous, I stopped moving and let my gaze rove. Jacob's eyes had wandered in Edward's direction, and I was shocked to see the hatred that rested there. Jake caught me watching him, and with some effort forced his face back into that expressionless mask. I glanced back at Edward, but he gave no evidence of noticing Jacob's glare. I hoped this didn't mean they would resume their hostilities.

This was Billy's first time seeing me as a vampire, and he seemed to be working to get over his shock. Sam stared silently down at me, his eyes narrowed into slits. Leah had her lip curled back exposing one fang, and still growled quietly, deep in her throat. Seth looked…calm, his tail slowly wagging back and forth, his tongue lolling out of one side of his mouth.

Trying to make them feel more comfortable, I stepped back and took hold of Edward and Jasper's hands. I wasn't too worried because I could only smell Kate's ointment. This gesture was just for them.

Jacob pushed Billy's wheelchair forward and stopped a few feet away. "Billy, are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Go ahead," he said. His words were calm, but I could see his skin pale a little under the tan.

Making a show of it, I leaned in close and took a long, audible inhalation. I could smell a hint of werewolf coming through, but no human. Briefly, I was happy that the ointment was effective against werewolf as well. That was one nasty smell, if it could make it through the ointment. I exhaled and looked Jacob in the eyes.

"See?" I said as calmly as I could. "I'm good. No homicidal urges."

Billy looked up at Jacob, who shrugged.

I let go of Jasper and Edward, held out my hand and took a slow step forward. Suddenly a huge, black head blocked my way and Leah's growling increased. I froze, my hand still held out.

"Sam, wait!" Jake's voice rang out. "You okay, Bells?"

"Yeah," I said, a little unsteadily. "I was going to shake Billy's hand."

"Okay, take it easy, Sam."

Sam stared at me with his midnight eyes for a moment, then retreated a few paces to stand next to Seth. I relaxed and stepped forward again. "Thanks for coming, Billy." Billy took my hand and shook it, wincing a little at how cold it was.

"You're pretty brave," I said. "What if I wasn't in control of myself?"

Billy motioned with his head at Jacob and the wolves. "I had backup."

"Yeah, like that would have helped if you were dead," Jacob muttered under his breath. It sounded like they had disagreed on this before coming over.

A growl and several barks from Sam interrupted us. "Sam says, 'it doesn't matter, she still broke the treaty,' " Edward translated. " 'She's still a murderer.' "

"We've been over this already, Sam!" Jacob's voice crackled with anger. "I'll fight you again, if I have to!"

I was afraid of this when I saw Sam had come with Jacob. He had originally given the command to have me killed for killing Mike and Jessica and breaking the treaty. I didn't think he was going to be quite as forgiving as Jacob.

"Sam, I'm a murderer, too," Edward said quietly. "I've killed far more than Bella, and yet you kept the treaty with me."

Another string of growls.

"No, I haven't killed any humans since I've come here," Edward answered Sam. "But that wasn't Bella's fault! She wasn't in control of herself."

I held my hand up to Edward. "Sam, I'm sorry that I killed them, more sorry than I can tell you. That doesn't make it right, but the only thing I can say in my defense is…I wasn't in my right mind then. That wasn't the real me. This—" I indicated Billy and myself with my hand. "This is the real me." I took a deep breath and spread my hands to Sam. "We found out I'm more sensitive to the smell of blood than the rest of Edward's family. We were a long way from my friends when I scented them, and Edward and Jasper could barely smell them.

"But I'm not like that anymore. Do you think I'd be able to get close enough to shake Billy's hand if I was some crazed killer? I know I'm not perfect, but I've come a long way. I know I can honor the treaty like the rest of the family now."

The fur on Sam's neck seemed to bristle and he bared his fangs. He didn't seem too convinced. I swallowed a lump of fear that rose in my throat, squared my shoulders and slowly stepped up, stopping right in front of Sam, so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"Sam," I said as quietly as I could. "I wasn't in control of myself, any more than you were in control when…you know…with Emily." I felt pretty low bringing up Emily again, but it was the only thing he could relate to. "I'd give anything to have that moment back, but I can't. If you really feel I need to pay for violating the treaty…" I clasped my hands, closed my eyes and bowed my head in front of him. "Do what you need to do," I whispered.

A moment of silence passed. Suddenly a blast of fetid breath hit me as Sam snarled in my face. Then he wheeled and charged back into the woods.

Jacob cursed as he released the breath he was holding. "Dammit, Bella! Are you crazy? I told him to hear you out but I couldn't be sure he wouldn't kill you! Don't do things like that!"

I let out my own shaky breath and tottered back to Edward's side. He didn't say anything but the whites of his eyes were showing and his nostrils were wide with his fear. I lay a hand on his shoulder and said to both of them, "I'm sorry, I didn't think about what I was doing. I just did it."

"Pretty gutsy, Bella." Billy ignored Jacob. "You sure are different. How do you think Charlie would take the change?"

I could tell by his tone that he didn't really approve, but his expression was neutral. "You know him as well as I do," I said. "He's a cop. He'll look at my face, see my eyes and say 'what the hell happened to you?' And how do I answer that without putting him in danger from the Volturi?"

"The rock hard skin would be a dead giveaway," Billy said drily. "I don't know, Bella. This was your choice, after all. Didn't you think of what you were going to say to him before you did this?"

I cast my eyes down and shuffled a foot. "I…don't know. I wasn't sure I'd even get to see him again. We may just have to go away." I came to a brooding stop, not quite sure what else we could do.

Billy seemed to take pity on me, cleared his throat and addressed Carlisle. "Dr. Cullen, these vampires. Have they been here before?"

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "They're members of what would be the ruling family of our kind. Alice sees mostly the same group that came to the field shortly after the battle with the newborns. All the wolves had left by the time they arrived."

"And they're not like you guys, are they?"

Carlisle frowned. "If you mean do they abstain from killing humans? No. They also aren't likely to honor our treaty with you, so have your tribe members be careful."

Jacob seemed to struggle with himself. When he finally spoke, his eyes were unfriendly, his words halting. "How many of them?"

"Four," Edward answered.

Jake bared his teeth in a feral grin. "That won't be a problem."

Edward shook his head. "If they were normal vampires, maybe. But two have an offensive gift. A third is an extremely skilled tracker."

"What kind of gifts?"

"One can inflict incredible pain. The other can take away all your senses. I'm not sure if they'll be effective against you. But since their gifts are mental like mine, I'm assuming they will be."

Jacob grunted, "So what good will _you_ be against them?"

Carlisle held up two hands. "Hopefully it won't come to that. They're just coming to verify that Bella has been turned. That was the condition they set to let her leave Volterra alive last spring. Once they see she's one of us they should leave with no problem."

"Then why do they need four? And two of them bad-asses?"

Jasper spoke for the first time. "We think it's for backup. If Bella was human, they'd have to kill her, then they'd kill us for violating their rules. Do you think we'd let them do that?"

Jake's face hardened at the thought. "Guess not."

"Billy, would you like to come in for a while?" Carlisle offered. "Emmett's bound to have a game on."

"Maybe another time," Billy said. "Some of the other tribesmen weren't too thrilled about the idea of the killer vampire coming back to town, so I need to let them know that it's safe."

We seemed to be on decent terms now, but I could see they still didn't want to push it.

Jake pointed a thumb at Seth and Leah. "They already know, Dad."

Billy gave Jacob a condescending look. "The non-wolf members, Jake."

A sheepish expression broke over Jake's face and both Seth and Leah were doing the wolf equivalent of laughing. "Oh, sorry. Forgot about them." Face still flaming, Jake released the brakes on Billy's wheelchair, rolled him back to the car and helped him into the front seat.

Once inside, Billy rolled down the window and addressed me. "Bella, Charlie's my friend. I won't tell him anything that would put him in danger. But sooner or later, you'll have to explain why you're not coming home to see him on summer break or holidays. It's going to be Thanksgiving soon. Have you thought about that? It may be kinder to just cut it off somehow, instead of dragging it out for years."

I felt my knees wobble as the thought struck me. This would be the first Thanksgiving I would have to spend without either of my parents. Before I came to Forks I was always with Renee for the Thanksgiving holiday. And last year I wasn't aware enough to remember how I had spent it with Charlie.

But cut it off…how? My mind balked at the idea. Outwardly I nodded, pretending to think about it. "Thanks, Billy. I'll…I'll try to think of something."

Leah turned with a bark and ambled back into the woods. Seth paused near Edward.

"How is Leah?" Edward's out-of-the-blue question surprised me.

Seth woofed a few times at Edward, who nodded. "We should be here for a while," he said. "Come back when you have time." Seth yipped and followed after his sister.

I glanced at Jacob and his mask seemed to slip for a moment. The brief look I got told me it hadn't been a long enough time for him yet. "Welcome back, Bells. It's good you're not a maniac anymore."

"Thanks, Jake."

"You still stink, though."

I made a face at him. "So do you."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

After we watched Jacob, Billy and the wolves leave, the rest of the family began to disperse to what they were doing before the test. Edward grasped me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes and gave me a little shake.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack, do you know that?" he said, his eyes almost sparking with fury at me.

I dropped my gaze. "I…I know. I'm sorry," I mumbled. "But it was the only thing I could think of, and if Sam wouldn't back off, then Jacob would have to fight him again, and then who knows what would have happened?" I didn't realize it but I was babbling in my agitation.

Edward continued to glare at me, then closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand. He exhaled loudly. I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around his back and burrowed my face into his chest, hoping to get him to forgive me.

"It's a good thing I could read what he was thinking," Edward said, still rather tense. "While you were standing in front of him like that, he couldn't help thinking of the little lost girl he carried out of the forest. If he decided to kill you…" His arms squeezed me close and I felt his shuddering sigh in my hair. "He's not happy about you reminding him about Emily."

Trying to divert his attention away from me, I asked him, "It looks like he and Jake are okay, now?"

"So far. Sam is second in command now," Edward replied.

"Really?"

Edward nodded against the top of my head. "Remember, Sam originally offered the alpha role to Jacob when he started transforming. He was always comfortable with the supporting role. He just didn't agree with Jacob not killing you for breaking the treaty."

"Why didn't Jake just order him not to bother us?" I wasn't ungrateful, but I was curious.

"I don't know," Edward admitted. "He wasn't thinking about it. Maybe we'll ask him some time."

"Is Jacob okay? He's…he's still having trouble isn't he?" I couldn't help wondering.

"Yes, he is." Edward sighed. He pulled away, settled onto the front steps and patted the step next to him. I sat down and leaned into his shoulder. "It's not easy to get over your first love, you know. He blames me for taking you away from him and changing you."

I felt bad but what else could I do? I'd never concealed from Jacob that I wanted to be a vampire. "He must hate me now."

"No, it's me he hates," Edward said indifferently. "When he thinks about you he's mostly only sad."

"I guess three months would still be a little too soon." I sighed and took Edward's hand, gently caressing it with my own. I toyed with the idea of calling Jake to try and cheer him up. But that would be the opposite of helpful in this case.

Edward must have read the emotions on my face. "At least he's not forced to cope by himself. You wouldn't believe who's giving him a shoulder to lean on."

"Who?" I wondered.

"Leah."

I sat up straight in surprise. "You're right, I don't believe it. I thought she was so nasty to everybody they couldn't stand her."

Edward gave a low chuckle. "That's the interesting part. She was only nasty because she was forced to feel Sam's love for Emily, his pity for her, and they could all feel her misery.

"We all assumed they had to be part of a pack if they went werewolf. But they don't. When Leah saw Jacob break away from Sam and assume the alpha role, that gave her the idea to break away, too. It must have taken tremendous force of will, but she did it. She's a lone wolf now."

"And she's happier?"

Edward nodded. "A little smug, even. She's not a member of a pack, so can't be forced by alpha commands. She came today because she wanted to. She does miss the sense of family and wants to keep an eye on Seth. That's why she stays with them. But now at least her thoughts and feelings are private again."

"Except from you," I commented. Then another thought occurred to me. "Are she and Jacob…" I left the question hanging.

"No," Edward shook his head. "You saw him, it's still too soon. But she knows exactly how he feels, so she's a good sounding board."

My feelings were mixed again. I felt relief that Jacob had someone there for him, and a slight sting that I wasn't the one helping him. But it was unreasonable to feel that. As long as he had someone to lean on, and help him feel better, that was what was important. I would just have to deal with it.

The front door opened behind us, and Emmett emerged, followed by Rosalie. Inwardly, I groaned—I really wasn't in the mood for a rematch. Fortunately, a second glance told me Emmett wasn't angry at all, just his normal, good-natured self.

"Gotta admit, you surprised me, Bella," Emmett said as he crossed the porch and descended the steps. He stopped at a lower step so his eyes were closer to my level, and hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans. Rosalie snuggled into his back, wrapping her arms about his waist, looking very content while resting her chin on his shoulder.

"I never figured you for the fighting type," he admitted. "You were just too klutzy when you were human. Did Charlie teach you how to fight and you just never told me?"

Emmett's question surprised me and I shook my head. "Nope. Never did anything like it until I met Eleazar."

"Eleazar taught you this while you were up in Denali?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm. Eleazar taught all of us." I did a double-take. "Except for Alice. She doesn't need it."

"So, do you think maybe you could teach me, too?" Emmett asked hopefully.

"I don't consider myself any kind of teacher, Emmett," I demurred.

"Actually Eleazar, Carmen, Kate and Tanya are all coming for a visit," Edward said. "Jasper and I thought it might be a good idea for Eleazar to teach everyone in the family. We don't know what the Volturi might be up to, but it would be best to be prepared. If you want, we can start you on the basics before Eleazar comes. You too, Rosalie, if you're interested."

Rosalie gazed sideways at Emmett through narrowed eyes. "You're going to be at this for a while, aren't you?" she asked him.

Emmett gave a shrug and a sheepish smile. "Um, maybe," he hedged.

"Might as well," Rosalie sighed, but she gave me a conspiratorial wink, hidden from Emmett's view. I did my best to keep a straight face.

"Excellent!" Emmett said eagerly.

With the misty afternoon light filtering through the canopy of trees, we returned to the meadow in front of the house. Jasper heard what we were doing and came out to help. Emmett and Rosalie would begin learning first, as Esme had some work to do and Carlisle had to get back to the hospital for his shift.

As we worked with Emmett and Rose, I found that trying to explain to somebody else what my arms and legs were feeling forced me to develop a better understanding of the principles and techniques. Emmett had a more difficult time grasping the concepts, because he had always relied on his speed and his considerable strength. Letting go of that and relying on technique and sensitivity was a foreign language to him. Rosalie had a more open mind to it, and was able to catch on a little faster. If she continued to advance she was going to make Emmett's life much more interesting.

Even though engaged in this necessary activity, I was a little distracted. All of Billy's talk about my parents and what to do about them kept me from putting my full attention into working with Emmett and Rosalie. I found myself letting Edward and Jasper take the lead with the instructions. And as the light started to fade with the setting sun, I excused myself and went into the house.

I went up to our room and changed into jeans and the darkest shirt I had. It was more midnight blue than black but it would do. Putting the jar of ointment into my pocket after applying a little more, I slipped out the back door of the house and into the woods.

I argued with myself with every step. What I was doing was ill-advised and foolhardy. What good could come from it? But I couldn't help myself. It was my first time traveling cross-country toward my destination, but I could have found it with my eyes closed. Within a matter of minutes, I was hidden in the woods in back of Charlie's house.

A tidal wave of nostalgia hit me as I gazed at the house that had been my home for the last two years of my human life. The window to my bedroom beckoned, and I wondered what Edward might have thought and felt when he stood here looking up at it. How would it be possible to go home? I looked down at my hands, fingers spread wide. Faint beams of light from the streetlight reached into the gloom where I stood, and touched my hands. Even with that little light, I could detect the minute rainbows refracting from my skin.

Suddenly angry, I stiffened the fingers of one hand and thrust it like a dagger into the trunk of a nearby spruce tree. Like an axe blade, my fingers sunk into the wood up to the knuckles with a dull thunk. It was nowhere near my full strength. What would happen if I tried to hug my mom or dad and forgot my self-control? I would kill them just as surely as if I exposed them to the Volturi. This was the same dilemma Edward had faced when he considered life with me. The difference was, I had embraced life with him. I couldn't see asking them to do the same for me.

Renee had absolutely no filter, and couldn't keep a secret to save her life, which in this case would be a literal situation. That probably explained my dislike of surprises—I'd hardly had any while growing up.

Charlie was a pragmatist. As a cop, he dealt with evidence, and what he saw around him. I'm sure we could convince him of what we were, but that would require us to turn him, and I just couldn't see that being fair to him. Everybody knew Charlie, and losing the police chief of a small town was sure to make a big splash. Charlie hadn't changed his pattern since I was born, and was practically a Forks landmark. He liked his burger and beer at the town diner. I suppose he could still fish as an immortal, but he'd never eat it again. And to have to move every eight to ten years to keep from arousing human suspicion? Heck, he hadn't moved since he and Renee bought that house. It wouldn't be right to tear him out of that existence, just to avoid the consequences of a choice I had made.

I froze, then slunk deeper into the shadows as I heard the approach of a vehicle. Not surprising, it was Charlie in the cruiser; this was the usual time he came home. As he got out of the cruiser and slammed the door I gripped the trunk of the spruce. It was all I could do to stay quiet and keep from running over to him. He hadn't changed much in the last months. His face was still careworn, his hair thinning just as much as before. He sighed heavily as he climbed the steps to the front door and opened it.

Once he was in the house, I could visualize from the sounds he was making, exactly what he was doing. The clink and creak told me he had unhitched and hung up his gun belt. His boots hit the floor with a thump after he removed them. Footsteps on creaky floorboards led over to the refrigerator which creaked open. Then I heard the gassy pop and fizz of a beer can being opened.

Something clunked into the sink. "Christ, fish again," Charlie sighed into the empty house. "Sure wish Bells was here. She'd know what to do with this crap."

I couldn't take it anymore. I stumbled away from the house, blundering into one or two trees before I collapsed to the ground and leaned back against a tree trunk. My chest began to convulse, but I couldn't cry, the damn tears just wouldn't come. I dug my fist into my mouth, trying not to make noise as I felt my heart breaking in my chest.

This was a bad idea, I knew that now. I missed my mom and dad more than I ever thought I would. Billy was right. There was no way that I could walk back into their lives now that I was a monster. Even if I could stand the smell of humans without Kate's ointment. Even if I could change my eye color. Even if I saw them only at night or on cloudy days. There was no way to disguise the feel of my skin.

I thought back to how Edward's skin had felt to me. It was one of my more frequent thoughts so was easier to recall. Back when I was human it was hard like marble, and cold as ice. Now it felt just the same as my own, because I was as hard as he was. During the early days when I knew him, he had tried to avoid touching me. And now I knew why. One hug, one handshake and my parents would know something was wrong, just like I knew something was different about Edward. They knew how my skin felt before. The worst part was, we couldn't even risk trying. If we tried and failed to fool them, how could I explain that? Bad circulation? Skin disease? No skin disease would make it this hard, and they'd want to take me to every doctor they knew. The only explanation was the truth, and the truth could get them killed.

I could see no way out. This was the full price I had to pay to become a vampire. I just hadn't admitted to myself until now how steep it was. I had more to worry about than simply skipping out on Thanksgiving dinner.

I don't know how long I crouched there, hugging my knees, chest heaving in sobs. I barely noticed my surroundings in my misery and so didn't see Edward until he sat next to me and pulled me into his lap.

It had begun to rain some time ago. Edward's shirt was as wet as mine as I buried my face into his chest and kept sobbing, my hair clinging to my face and dripping down my back. He rubbed my back and whispered reassuringly to me. After a while, I calmed down enough to speak.

"How did you know where to find me?" I blubbered into his shirt.

"You still sing for me, you know," he said quietly. "And now that you wear Kate's ointment, you smell even more unique."

I gave a sour grimace. "Great, I smell like grandma's liniment."

"You still smell good to me," he insisted.

I didn't answer, and simply clung to him, verifying his presence under my hands, inhaling the sweet scent of him, listening to his steady breathing. He was my rock and the reason for my existence, and just being near him helped to steady me more than anything else. In time, my breathing returned to normal, and I was able to lift my head again.

"Can you take me home, please?" I felt another pang as I said it, because I knew I could no longer refer to the house behind us in that fashion. Edward lifted me easily, and started swiftly through the forest.

I could have run, but it was comforting to feel Edward's arms around me. The sensations of flying through the forest brought back other, more pleasant memories of when we had traveled like this. Before, I couldn't see well enough to make out anything in the blackness as it rushed by. Now I could see everything that he could see.

I gazed at his face, a little higher than my own, and reached up to stroke his cheek with my fingers. The corner of his lips curved into a smile and he turned his head to nuzzle my hair. The natural affection that welled up when he was with me helped to dispel the sad feelings. I gave a sigh, and focused myself. He was the reason for all I had gone through. To be his wife and to be with him forever, I had decided to walk away from everything else, including my parents. I don't know why I was fussing about it now. I guess I had been in denial hoping Edward or I might be able to think of a way they could stay in my life. Whether he had intended to or not, Billy's observations brought home what I had been hiding from.

"Edward? I'm okay, now. You can put me down."

He continued to nuzzle my hair. "I know, but I like this."

"Okay, but I have something serious to ask you."

He drew his head back and glanced down at me. "Go ahead."

"All right," I said, and plunged in. "I can't see any way to keep Charlie and Renee in my life. I can't just keep avoiding them; that would hurt them, too. They'd wonder what they had done or why I was staying away. What's the best way you can think of to cut off contact?"

He paused before answering. "That's another reason why I didn't want you to change. I knew your parents were important to you, and I didn't want to take them away from you."

"Yes, but this was my choice. It's my responsibility, and I think Billy's right."

Edward ran on while he thought. The flickering light that only our eyes could see sent ghostly shadows across his face. "If you hadn't been corresponding with them through e-mail, you could have moved out of the country and just lost track of each other. That would still hurt, though. I just don't see any way that won't hurt them somehow."

"I was afraid of that," I said in a resigned tone.

"I think—" he began, and stopped, his lips grim.

"What?"

"I think you'll have to die. And I'll have to die with you," he said quietly.

My mouth dropped open and I gasped at the thought of Edward being harmed, then common sense kicked in. "You mean fake it, right?"

"Yes, of course," he said. He slowed down, as we were close to the house. Setting me back on my feet, he took my hand and we walked the rest of the way. "They would mourn us, but at least they'll have some kind of closure."

At one time, the thought would have horrified me. Charlie and Renee would be devastated. No parent wants to outlive their children, but it seemed to have the least negatives. If I went missing, they would always wonder. Charlie might never stop searching for me. If I intentionally became estranged from them, it would just be cruel and I don't know how long I would be able to keep it up.

Edward watched me as I processed his suggestion. "You don't need to decide now," he said. "But it seems to be the lesser of several evils. If I—" the breath seemed to choke in his throat and he stopped.

"If you…what?"

"If I was sure you would move on, I would have done that. But you knew me too well by then. I didn't think you would believe it."

His face was anguished again. I stopped him with a tug on his hand. "Can you stop beating yourself over that? I swear I'm all right about it."

"I know, love. You've told me many times. But I still have a good memory, even when I don't want to."

"I'm going to kill Jake one of these days," I growled.

Edward shrugged. "It's no more than I deserved. I just have to remember to counteract it."

"Counteract it how?"

We had reached the front steps, and he pulled me close into the circle of his arms. "I have to remind myself—you chose me. You chose to walk through the fire, so we could be together. And then I'm happy again. All I want is to be with you forever."

He leaned down to kiss me, and I felt the world shift back into its proper place. A little breathless, I said, "That's good. I'm glad there's something we agree on."

= = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_And there you have it, our heroes have returned home. As always, love to hear what you thought of it! Until next time, bon chance!_


	21. Chapter 20: Mind Games

_**A/N**: Well, here we are again. Sorry for the delay, I hope you've found lovely fics to keep you entertained while I've wrestled with this chapter. If you need something, go check out "The Keepsake" by windchymes. I know you'll like it._

_I'd like to take a moment to thank _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. I like to try and keep this as canon as possible and my eyes can't be everywhere at once! Thanks so much, my friends!  
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_And _Katmom! _You shoulda seen this thing before she got hold of it. It was like I was WUI...writing under the influence! Bless you for your guidance and corralling my mess!  
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_Thanks to everyone who has read and left feedback, set favorites and alerts. I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort worth every hour._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just staying at her bed and breakfast. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Ch 20 – Mind Games<span>

Edward sat at the grand piano, playing softly. After we had returned from Charlie's and changed into dry clothes, Edward asked if he might cheer me up with a little music. I was feeling better, but wasn't about to say no. Sitting next to him as he played, I would never tire of hearing the lullaby he wrote for me. He also played some Chopin nocturnes, as well as Esme's favorites. We left the lights off since we didn't need them, and the delicate strains floated about the darkened expanse of the living room. Rain was still falling outside and the light patter added a tranquil air to Edward's melodies. Losing myself in the soothing atmosphere, I snuggled against him, craned my neck up and kissed his shoulder.

He smiled as his fingers danced over the ivories. "I had an idea for something new," he said. The notes shifted into something pastoral, but with a light rhythm to it. It was very bright, and peaceful and I began to smile in spite of myself.

"What are you seeing?" I asked.

Edward glanced down at me. "We're in our meadow and the wildflowers are blooming. The sun is shining and you're sparkling. And we're dancing, around and around…" He began to move his upper body in time with the music.

"And who are you dancing with?" I snorted. "It certainly wouldn't be me."

He laughed quietly at me. "How many things can you do now that you couldn't do before? We should try it again sometime. I'm sure you won't need to stand on my feet anymore."

He had a point there. Never in my life did I ever think I would be mountain climbing, fighting with bears, or practicing martial arts. Even running was a stretch for me when I was human. If I hadn't been so focused on the negative aspects of vampire life after I was changed, I would have appreciated the positives more. In many ways, this life suited me much better than my previous one did.

Esme walked into the living room, drawn by the sound of Edward's new composition, and stood behind us. She laid one hand on my shoulder and one on Edward's, a happy smile playing across her lips.

"You're very good for him, you know," she commented to me.

"He's good for me, too," I replied. "Though I'm curious how he was before I met him. He hasn't told me too much of that."

"Oh, he was fairly good natured," she answered, but I could tell by the way she looked at him she was being diplomatic. "He's always been very studious, but he wasn't quite as happy as he is now."

"Mo-ther," Edward said with some annoyance, then he brightened. "Denali is here," he said. He stopped playing with a flourish and stood up. Now that he mentioned it, I could hear a vehicle progressing up the driveway.

I followed Edward out the front door as the Denali family's SUV pulled to a stop on the end of the drive. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were already waiting at the edge of the meadow. Kate quickly waved from the driver's seat. The doors to the vehicle opened and our cousins emerged.

I moved to the driver's side of the car. Even though we had only left them a couple days earlier I still reached for Kate with a heartfelt hug. She smiled and said something that sounded like "_sestrichka._"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Little sister," she said with a fond smile, her eyes gleaming.

"Oh," was all I could say as the emotions left me tongue-tied. I smiled and hugged her back.

Esme and Carmen greeted each other as if for the first time in a century. I guessed they had some catching up to do. Emmett shook hands with Eleazar in a manner that was subdued for him, probably getting up the nerve to ask for lessons. Rosalie seemed most eager to see Tanya. Alice and Jasper went with me to the back of the SUV to help with bags.

I had always wondered why Edward's house had so many bedrooms, since they never slept in them. Now that I had been turned, I realized that the need for privacy and alone time was even more necessary for beings who didn't sleep. We settled Tanya and Kate into one of the guest rooms, and Eleazar and Carmen in another. Afterwards we gathered in the living room to catch up.

Edward and Jasper started by giving Eleazar a blow-by-blow recap of my sparring match with Emmett, much to Emmett's and my embarrassment. Eleazar gave me a slightly reproving look. "Showing off?" he asked with one raised eyebrow.

"It wasn't _my_ idea," I said, wanting to hide for the moment. Fortunately I was interrupted by the sound of another car arriving. Carlisle was returning from his shift at the hospital.

"What was that about stunning some humans?" Esme asked.

"Oh, that. Not a big deal," I mumbled through my self-consciousness, and quickly related the events in Fairbanks.

"On the contrary," Edward said. "Several months ago, without Kate's ointment, you would've killed them without hesitation. I consider that a big deal."

"Danger magnet," Alice commented from where she sat with Jasper, and drew a sprinkling of laughter.

"But good control," Eleazar said approvingly. "How have you been progressing with your exercises?"

I made a face. "Still don't feel anything different." I didn't mention that we hadn't had any time for me to work on it since our return.

"Patience," he counseled me. "Just persevere. We'll work on it together."

Carlisle appeared at the top of the stairs, and set his briefcase down. "Hello!" he called. "Welcome! It's good to see you again." He cast his eyes around the room. "Well, almost all of you. Irina couldn't come?"

Kate shook her head as she answered. "Too close to the wolves. She didn't want to make trouble for you."

Carlisle pursed his lips and nodded. "I see. We'll just have to visit her next time."

"If we can," Eleazar said as he rose to shake Carlisle's hand.

"Still pessimistic, cousin?" Carlisle joked with a smile.

Eleazar hesitated as he sat down next to Carmen again. "I did some more thinking after we spoke on the phone. I think Edward's caution has merit. Do you remember the first time you met Aro?"

"Yes," Carlisle mused. "He was rather incredulous that I chose not to kill people, but he wasn't unpleasant. I think I amused him, because he kept trying to convince me to try the normal diet."

"You mean he kept dangling bleeding humans in front of you like steak before a lion," Edward interrupted, his visage darkened.

Carlisle's face was troubled. Considering the way he felt about life, it couldn't have been pleasant to be presented with an injured human and not be able to aid them. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I suppose from his point of view he was being hospitable."

"Mm. You may take this forgiveness a bit too far. I had a rather different introduction to him." Eleazar's comment hung in the air ominously.

Carlisle settled onto the couch next to Esme. "Go on, Eleazar," he prompted.

Eleazar rubbed his chin, gathering his thoughts. "In the old days, you know that there were fewer of us and it was rare to encounter others of our kind. And when we did, it was only in ones or twos.

"I was traveling through Italy, studying the masters of the Italian Renaissance. When I came to one walled city in the region that would become Tuscany, I stopped to hunt. There were enough humans that they might not miss one or two.

"I stalked my prey into an alleyway and was about to strike when I was confronted and overpowered by three vampires dressed in dark cloaks. They said I was hunting in their territory, and that was not allowed. They took me to a large _piazzo_. I thought they were going to kill me and were simply taking me somewhere less public. But there I was brought into the throne room of Aro, Caius and Marcus.

"Caius wanted to know my intentions in their city, and asked if I knew that hunting was not allowed there. He said there was only one punishment for breaking the rules, and I felt a chill run down my spine when he said that. I'd heard of the Volturi before, but didn't know where they were based. In fact, before this I had never seen that many vampires in one place. It was at this point that Aro came forward and shook my hand. And after he did, his eyes opened wide and he became much friendlier.

"Aro asked me about my life, and what my plans were for the future. I remained wary of him, because I could read that he was a telepath. Why would he be asking me if he could already read what he wanted to know? But as we talked, my wariness seemed to soften. I began to like this very civilized, soft-spoken aristocrat. When Aro offered me a place with them, he promised that I would be able to pursue my painting as much as I wished. There might be some errands he would ask me to run, but other than that I was free to come and go. Aro seemed a very likeable fellow and I didn't have any better plans at the moment, so I accepted."

Eleazar's face took on a slightly aggrieved expression. "They never said, 'join or die,' but apparently my options were quite limited. It wasn't until much later that I learned about Chelsea. By then my loyalties had been too thoroughly bonded to Aro and the Volturi for me to consider foul play. Only when I was free from her influence, and Edward suggested that Aro would have her tamper with me, did I think of the possibility. So I was caught from the beginning." He grasped Carmen's hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm very glad you found me," he said to her. Carmen smiled back at him, her face glowing with affection.

Eleazar addressed Carlisle again. "And while Aro might have liked you, can you see why he wouldn't have wanted to hold you?"

"No benefit to having a vegetarian in the house." Carlisle was tapping his fingers on his knee, lost in thought. "And I'm no threat because I don't hunt in their city. Was this when you began finding talents for Aro?"

"Yes," Eleazar continued. "Before then, I only used my gift for self-preservation. I could determine who might be a threat to me, and avoid bad situations. After I joined the Volturi, I continued that practice on a larger scale, identifying enemies who might be a threat to our warriors. I also began traveling extensively, investigating stories of unusual or gifted people. Most of the stories were just that: legends and old wives' tales. But once in a very long while, one of them would be true. That's how they found Jane and Alec."

"Was it you who found them?" Jasper asked.

Eleazar shook his head. "That was before my time. A nomad passing through Volterra informed Aro, and Demetri located them. Before me, it was rather hit and miss. Most of the Guard at that time were not talented, because Aro had no definite way to determine if a human would develop a gift when turned. With his gift, he could see extraordinary things that a candidate had done in their life, but even then things did not always translate.

"Back then twins were viewed by humans with a certain level of suspicion, simply because it was a rare occurrence for twins to survive birth. I suspect that's one possible origin of the fairy changeling story. Infant mortality rates being what they were, a fairy monster sucking away the life of the real baby made more sense than birth complications.

"After the unusual twins were found, Aro investigated and decided they were worthy. But they were still children and a little young to be turned. The Guard kept watch, waiting for them to reach a suitable age.

"Unfortunately, the villagers did not wait long enough. When the twins were only about 12 or 13, the village priest denounced them as witches. A witch trial was conducted, and they were sentenced to be burned. The situation was reported as quickly as possible, but we were too late. They were already bound to the stake with the fire raging around them when the Guard arrived. We doused the flames but they were horribly injured. Aro was forced to change them to save their lives."

"What happened to the village?" Carlisle asked.

Eleazar's expression was bleak. "Aro had the Guard destroy it. Every man, woman and child. And I regret to say that under Chelsea's spell, I thought what we did was justified in order to maintain the secret."

Eleazar fell silent, musing over memories long since left behind. He shook his head and sighed.

Carmen rubbed his shoulder in sympathy. "You didn't know," she said quietly. "And it was before your time. At least you weren't involved."

"Perhaps. But that still doesn't make it right," he said. "If they'd just spirited the twins away, the villagers wouldn't have made anything more of it. Who would care if a pair of witches disappeared?"

After another pause, Eleazar continued his discourse. "The presence of Jane and Alec made life in Volterra somewhat uncomfortable at times. Because of their power, they quickly became Aro and Caius' favorites. And being rather immature when Aro turned them, they tended to act out using their powers on other members of the Guard. Aro would ask them to be more considerate but Caius was rather gleeful when they would harass someone. Everyone learned to give them a wide berth."

I was surprised when Eleazar turned to me. "Bella, you'll need to be especially wary of Jane. She's still a child at heart, and has a child's inferiority complex. She needs to prove her superiority over others, and she welcomes any excuse to use her power. You thwart her simply by existing. She won't look upon you kindly."

Remembering what she had done to Edward, I set my jaw. "Well, the feeling's pretty mutual."

"All this brings me back to my point," Eleazar resumed. "This visit of theirs is ostensibly an inspection. But I also performed inspections and they sometimes became something far more serious. From what I've observed, and what Edward has read in Aro's mind – legitimately or not – Aro has been acquiring power. Even if this visit _does_ turn out to be just an inspection, it doesn't hurt to be prepared."

Carlisle had a troubled expression on his face. "What you say makes sense. But I have a lot of respect for Aro and I still hesitate to think him capable of deceit. To me, he always seemed rather resolute about rules. However, I bow to your caution. Let us prepare."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

After that conference, we picked up where we had left off in Denali. Only now we had four more students, and Eleazar's words gave us a greater sense of urgency. Even Kate and Tanya joined in. When Carlisle was home from the hospital, and family members were not off hunting, the meadow in front of the house looked like a military training camp.

Once I tried to get Alice to join in the fun, but she quickly demonstrated why I had no need to fear for her as I once had. She might be smaller than me, and not as strong, but I couldn't get close enough to even make contact. She just knew where I was going, and then she wasn't there.

That experience shed some light on one of the weaknesses of our system. We needed to have contact to be effective. This normally wouldn't be an issue. If somebody is coming after you, at some point they'll be close enough to touch. But if the opponent simply kept dancing out of the way, or struck from a distance, we would have problems. It was a good thing Emmett, Edward and Jasper knew other ways to defend themselves, but this was the only way I knew how to fight.

Jasper, Edward and I knew enough that we could help Eleazar teach the basics to the rest of the family. But for me, he sent me off to continue work on my own exercises. Edward had soundproofed our room so he could listen to music, so I shut myself in there.

For hours I stood before the large windows, concentrating on my breathing, hearing the air pass through my airways into my lungs. I became intimately familiar with that sound. If I still had a pulse, the throbbing beat would have marked the passing of the hours. The flow of light in my imagination rose and fell, ebbed and flowed. But that was all.

When I tired of that, I switched to the sitting meditation, trying to manipulate the imaginary column of light. While I had a pretty good imagination, I still didn't feel anything different. It wasn't that I had no motivation. My human memories of Volterra might be rather fuzzy, but the image of Edward – prostrate on the flagstone floor, twisting in agony – stood out in my head. And Jane was coming here. I was the only one who could protect him from that, the only one who could protect any of the family, so I _had_ to get this. There were only three weeks left until the inspection.

Unfortunately, mental fatigue began to set in. My mind kept wandering, and even though Edward had soundproofed the room, I could still sense vibrations coming through the floor from a door shutting, or other disruptions. Trying to clear my head to come at it fresh, I'd get up and do laundry, or pull open my books and work on homework. After I was finished, I set my books aside and began my exercises again. I don't know what I expected but the results were the same.

Discouraged, I went outside to find Eleazar. He had me demonstrate what I had been doing, checked if I had the visualization right. Then he told me to carry on, because it sounded like I was doing it properly. At that point I realized one difference between physical and mental exercises: the teacher couldn't really see what you were doing in your head to correct you. If Edward could have seen inside my mind, he might be able to help me compare with what Eleazar was visualizing, but that option wasn't available either.

Eleazar must have read the frustration on my face, because he stopped me for a moment. "I know you're hoping for results, but this isn't something that can be rushed. It's a journey that your mind and body have to take in order to connect with each other properly. You're trying to manipulate something that has no substance without using muscle or sinew. That will take time. You have to be able to feel that something before you can move it."

Eleazar raised his hands. "Let's try something a little different. Cross hands with me." I moved to comply. When I was ready he spoke. "What I want you to do is close your eyes and don't think of what you're doing with your hands or feet. I'm going to be very subtle, and I want you to think in terms of the flow of water. The tide flows in and flows out. Using the intention of your mind, find my center and send the energy forward. Try that now."

So I tried it. And tried it. And tried it. I began to feel a little guilty for taking him away from the rest of the family, but he said I needed to do this, and Edward and Jasper were doing fine helping the others. I recognized it as what he had demonstrated to me in Denali before he taught me the meditations. As he said, it was much more subtle than what we had done before. With eyes closed, I sensed the slight forces that he sent my way. I found that I had to tone down my movements completely; even minute physical movements fed him too much force that he could use to his advantage. Just like waving at smoke, too much and it would waft out of the way and keep coming. I tried to keep still, and use the intent of my mind to direct my defenses.

After many long hours, something seemed to speak to Eleazar, and he nodded with satisfaction. I wasn't sure what it was; he still had complete domination while we worked no matter how subtle or intent I was. But he turned me over to work out with the others, telling me to remember that feeling, and to concentrate on the same objective while working with them.

It was good to have other hands to work with. No matter how comfortable we felt with our technique, everybody brought a slightly different twist to their execution, so it was highly educational to feel different hands. We switched off with each other regularly, like exchanging dance partners. Our system didn't involve a lot of jumping around or dodging in and out, so we were actually able to chat a little while sparring.

When my turn came to work with Rosalie, I was a little apprehensive but didn't turn away. At one time, when faced with someone who had some animosity towards me, I would have shied away from close contact with them. Perhaps the training and Eleazar's mantra of 'don't be fearful, don't be greedy' was changing my normal tendencies.

Before I had left for Denali, Rosalie had given me some sisterly advice about adjusting to the life of a vampire, even though she wasn't too happy with me sticking to my decision to choose immortality. And while technically she was my older sister, here I was tutoring her on Eleazar's system. She surprised me by broaching the subject of vampire life first.

"So do you like it so far?" She had her side locks pulled back into a clip where it fell from the back of her head, a golden waterfall to her waist. Even in a work shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up, she still looked glamorous. The way she had the buttons open showing a hint of cleavage made me think it was habit for her; there was nobody here to impress. As always, I wished I could look as good as she did in a pair of jeans.

"Keep your elbows in." I adjusted her arms lightly. "Do I like what so far?" I asked.

"This life."

I searched her eyes for a moment, looking for signs of resentment or vindictiveness but finding none. She just seemed curious. "At first it wasn't so great, with me not being in control of myself and hurting people," I admitted. "I don't know if you heard but I attacked Eleazar and Irina when we were up in Denali. Good thing nobody got hurt."

"I did try to tell you," she said evenly.

"I know, and I appreciate that. Don't be so stiff when you strike." I sent a little pressure forward and Rose completely locked her arms trying to fend it off, rocking off-balance briefly. "Don't fight it, just feel where it's coming from. Turn it aside if it's too much." I waited while she adjusted. "Um, thanks for your advice. It helped when I finally let myself listen to it."

Rosalie nodded, her eyes unfocused as she tried to feel where my hands were going.

"You surprised me a little," I continued. "When we last talked about it, you weren't too happy with me."

"Well, what did you expect? I'd give anything for the ability to have children, and you threw it away." Interestingly, while her words still disapproved, her tone was not angry.

"But we were different when we were human. You were somebody and I was nobody. If I had your life, I would have had more to give up. I still would've chosen Edward, but it would have been a much harder choice."

Rosalie fell quiet, obviously thinking about that last statement because she let her form slip again. I adjusted her stance. "Do you still think it would be better if I had stayed human?"

Rosalie pursed her full lips. When she finally opened her mouth, she stopped and her eyes flicked over to Edward, who was working with Carlisle. I gave her the barest of whispers. "He can't hear you while I'm touching you," I reminded her.

She pitched her voice so that only I could hear, even among other vampires. "Don't tell him. I have to admit, I've not seen Edward this happy before. He's actually been rather bearable for once. We still get on each other's nerves, and I think we always will, but he hasn't been quite as annoying as before. That makes life at home more pleasant. So, on the whole – other than the whole family having to deal with drama that started when you were human – it's been a good thing."

"Thanks, Rosalie." I gave her a small but earnest smile. "If we get through this, I promise – no more drama." She smiled back. We weren't the best of friends yet, but it was a start. She seemed more reconciled to my presence in the family now, and for that I was grateful.

Emmett was starting to get the hang of things, and was more able to let go of his reliance on strength and speed. He still hadn't caught up with me, so he didn't bother asking for a re-match. When I worked out with him, it was obvious where he was coming from, and I could easily handle him. Even more surprising, the new way of abstract sensing worked better than I expected, like a new vampire sense had suddenly opened. It was as if I had a sphere of energy that flowed around me, sensing the encroaching forces and allowing me to re-direct them. Once any opposing force was neutralized I was free to advance.

Like during the newborn invasion, the projected Volturi inspection loomed over us, spurring us to long hours of practice and training. The thought of sweet and kind Esme, or tiny Alice, fighting with anybody was originally a shocking concept when I was human. But now that I was here in the same situation, it didn't seem so unusual. I suppose being a predator made aggressive behavior come more naturally.

Although the deadline approached, as trivial as it seemed, we still had appearances to maintain. While rare, some of Carlisle's colleagues from the hospital sometimes visited him at the house. So, in addition to training, we still had some chores to take care of.

More days and nights passed in this fashion. The overall mood was not panicked; this was just supposed to be an inspection. But we all knew what Jane and Alec were capable of. Even with our numbers and training, Eleazar was not sanguine of our chances if they simply decided to attack us.

I found that my exercises needed long periods of undisturbed time. Every time somebody walked up or down the stairs, opened or closed a door, I got distracted by the vibrations. Rather than monopolize our room, I moved my exercises outside. I didn't think it would be nice to hang a sign on the door that said "QUIET! Keep out!" Away from the house, I found a small clearing on a low hill, far enough away that I could tune out the sounds of people at the house, but not so far that Edward would worry about me.

I don't remember exactly when it happened; things seemed to be mashing together in a blur of days and nights. I think it had been a week or more since the Denali family had arrived. I had been at the standing meditation for hours, since the early morning. Judging from the angle of light peeking below the clouds, it was now close to dawn of the next day. The sounds of the nocturnal fauna had faded, ceding the stage to the daytime players.

In the hushed calm before morning, like so many times before, I closed my eyes again and gave a long, slow exhalation. In and out. In and out. I relaxed and allowed myself to expand into the full extent of my senses. For a while the whole of the forest came to me: the bird, insect and animal sounds, the sounds of my family training in front of the house, the whisper of the wind through the pines, the rush of cars on the distant highway. My echo-location sense drew in my head the contours of the river valley and outlying hills. To my nostrils came the scent of green forest and damp soil, ferns and trees and rocks. The tickling brush of the wind caressed my cheeks and tugged at my clothing. And I felt the ever present weight of gravity pulling down at me.

Another slow exhalation and I turned the focus of my senses from the vast outdoors into the small space that was me. Inside me was stillness – no rushing of blood, no pulsing heartbeat. The passage of air in and out of my lungs echoed in the absence of other sounds. There was warmth but in varying amounts in different areas. Opposite to a warm-blooded creature, my extremities were warmer than my core, since I hadn't been out in the sun or indoors long enough to absorb much heat.

Suddenly I noticed something different. Like the human I used to be, I felt a faint, needles-and-pins sensation of returning circulation, and prickling warmth permeated my body. It was like I had been staring at a painting for a long time, turned away for a moment, and noticed something new when I looked back. The painting had not changed. Had that been there all the time? How had I not noticed it before?

Not sure if I was imagining things, I opened my eyes and looked down at my body. There was nothing visibly different, and yet it was still there. I could feel the prickling warmth slowly growing and cooling in intensity, as if it were breathing.

Tentatively, not wanting to lose the feeling, I slowly sat down on the large stone I was standing on, and commenced with the sitting meditation. This time, instead of some imaginary light, I pulled at the warm glow using the intention of my mind. I was gratified to feel it pull slowly within, receding like a wave on the sand, returning to the ocean.

The shrinking blob of warmth didn't get as small as the little dot of light that I was accustomed to visualizing. It retracted to a rough sphere about the size of a softball in the center of my body, very warm and the prickling increased to where it was quite noticeable. I skipped extending it into a cylinder, and simply tried to expand it as far as I could. There was no resistance until it reached the limits of my body, flooding outward and resuming its natural state. From there it was like trying to lift a boulder with only human strength. I strained at my boundaries and was able to make it extend a couple inches outside my skin. But that was all. I relaxed and it subsided to its original size. Then just to make sure I had it, I pulled it down inside me again. It moved as easily as if it was my hand or my foot. Elated, I went to go find the others.

I ran toward the house. "Eleazar, look! I found my shield!" I called as I ran. I couldn't help my excitement. Everybody paused in their work as I bounded into the front yard. I skidded to a stop beside Edward, who was working out with Emmett. "Look!" I repeated, and grabbed hold of Edward's hand. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I felt the field of warmth extend instantly, flowing through our connected hands until it permeated his body as well as mine.

I took a moment to calm myself, then exhaled and pulled in the field. It slowly receded out of Edward's body, and back into mine. I felt it pulling as I held it at my hand, trying to move back to merge with Edward again. I smiled inwardly. If it had acted this way only with him, that might have explained some things.

Eleazar beamed in approval. "Well done, Bella! I can read Edward now."

Kate, who was working with Rosalie, looked over. "How far can you extend it?"

My face fell. "Um, without contact only a couple inches. When I touch somebody it just goes by itself. But without contact, it's really hard."

Edward lifted my chin with his fingers and smiled down at me. It was weird coming from my chin, but at the new point of contact the field of warmth poured forth into his body. "Don't be discouraged. This is progress. You couldn't do this at all before."

"All the more reason to get back to work," Kate said with a smile.

"Wait a minute," Edward suggested. "Bella was able to protect more than one by touch. Let's see how far it will go."

Edward had the family join hands to form a vampire chain with the 'talented' ones at regular intervals. Eleazar stood off to the side to observe. Edward was at the very end, farthest from me.

"All right, Bella, grab hold," he called.

I took Carlisle's hand, and felt the now familiar pull as my energy field leapt forth, flowing like an electric current. It poured through Carlisle, Kate, and Esme in quick succession. But when it reached little Alice it began to fade and didn't reach Rosalie at all. It still covered Alice but was not as strong, as if she stood in the nebulous corona of an eclipse, instead of the full light of the sun.

"I can read Edward and Jasper," Eleazar confirmed what I already knew. "Kate is a blank and Alice is a little unclear."

"So it looks like about four," Jasper said, a note of disappointment in his voice.

"Let me try something," I said. "Edward switch with Rosalie." After they had exchanged places, I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to push more of the energy through our connected hands. I felt it strengthen over Alice, but no more than that. It still didn't make it over to Edward.

"I can still read Edward, but Alice I can't," Eleazar reported.

"There's a limit, then," Edward said.

"Damn, I was hoping…" I muttered, my spirits falling again. I wouldn't be able to protect the entire family. "I don't want her to be able to hurt you again, Edward." I looked around at my family. "I don't want her to be able to hurt any of you."

"That's very admirable, Bella," Eleazar addressed me. "But if you're in a combat situation, your concerns could be a liability."

"How do you mean?"

"From a strategic point of view, we're a small group of warriors. Every member of the unit has a job to do. In a large regiment, if one or two members can't perform, there are others available to take their place. We don't have that luxury."

I was surprised with the direction he was going, as I had never considered myself any kind of warrior.

"We all have our loved ones. But in war, you must be able to stay focused, and not let your emotions run you. In an infantry line, the warrior next to you guards your flanks so you only need to address the threat in front of you. If that warrior leaves their post abruptly – say to guard a loved one – you can be more easily overwhelmed leaving an opening the enemy can exploit. The entire unit could be placed in jeopardy."

I noticed Jasper had a guilty look on his face as he listened to Eleazar. Instinctively he reached for Alice's hand. I thought about my overwhelming desire to protect the family during the newborn invasion and realized I was guilty, too. Now that I knew what a vampire's abilities were, it made even less sense for me to think I could have been useful as a human.

"You're all doing this training for a reason," Eleazar went on. "To be prepared to fend off an invasion, if it comes to that. You're all fast and strong and trained. But you have to be able to trust your companions – trust that they'll be able to take care of themselves and perform their part. It may not be easy, but it may be necessary for our survival.

"That's one of the reasons that Marcus is so important to Aro. He can identify those on a battlefield with the strongest ties to each other. The Volturi then exploit those bonds, to greater effect. The best you can do is to deny him that advantage."

We all stood silently, a little awed by Eleazar's impromptu speech. He coughed uncomfortably, realizing he had been haranguing us. "Sorry, everyone. I've been recalling more of the tactics of the Volturi. They're not above exploiting any advantage they might have, so we do need to be prepared."

"Don't apologize," said Carlisle. "You spent the most time with them, so you know best how they operate."

Comic relief came from the most unlikely of sources – Jasper. "Well, worst case, we can always try a Highland charge," he said with a wry grin.

"What's that?" Emmett asked.

"You'd like it," Jasper remarked as he playfully punched at Emmett's shoulder. I was impressed to note that Emmett warded off the punch using the correct technique, instead of his old habits. "The Scottish Highlanders would discharge their muskets, then charge across the open field at the enemy lines brandishing their weapons and screaming like demons. It was quite effective in a number of battles."

"I believe they did that because they couldn't afford more horses," Eleazar said with an amused look. "Be that as it may, Bella, it was a worthy experiment. It's good to know one's limitations. However since the situation is still essentially the same…"

I made a little face. "I know, back to work."

Eleazar stopped me. "Now that you've found the energy, you need to build it," he said. "This time in the standing exercise, don't disperse the energy. Gather it in, and try to hold it. Store it in your center and let it accumulate, then try to pack in more. Let me know how that progresses."

"I'll do my best," I said as I turned to go back toward my little clearing.

As I walked toward the woods again, I heard a step behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Edward catching up. Pausing to wait for him, I took his hand when he drew near.

"You've been working by yourself for so long I haven't seen that much of you," he said and gave my hand a squeeze.

I gave him an answering squeeze and looked up. The light morning breeze ruffled through his reddish-brown hair and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I miss you, too. Sorry, but I just feel like I have to get this. When I think about Jane coming, and what she did to you last time…"

"Didn't you hear anything that Eleazar just said?" he asked and raised an amused eyebrow. "It would be nice if you were able to safeguard everybody, but if you can't, we have to do the best we can. And it won't help if you do something crazy to try and protect everybody." He was obviously thinking of my efforts when he fought Victoria.

"Well, what about you?" I replied. "Would you trust me to be able to take care of myself?"

Edward glanced away as we walked, not answering. Finally he spoke. "I think you can take care of yourself. But I still don't feel comfortable with the thought of you going into combat."

I stopped in my tracks, pulling on his arm. "Wait a minute; didn't we talk about this already? You said yourself I can do this as well as you can."

He turned his darkening eyes to me. He would need to hunt soon. "True, but that was just learning how to defend yourself." He raised a hand and brushed my hair back from my face. "One-on-one, you couldn't do any worse than I could. But warfare is different. It's another thing entirely to think of you walking into the valley of the shadow of death without wanting to at least be by your side."

"So, you didn't listen to Eleazar, either," I accused.

He gave me an ironic smile. "The head hears but the heart doesn't want to obey."

I shook my head at him as we started walking toward my clearing again. "If it comes to a battle, you and I are going to be one big liability," I said with some acerbity. "Marcus will take one look and say 'take them out'."

"Mm. Then we'd better stick together. At least that way we can watch each other's backs, and won't go looking for each other in the heat of battle."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I suppose I should have expected it of him. I didn't like the idea of him putting himself in danger's way, either.

When we arrived at my little clearing, he took me in his arms and kissed me. I kissed him back and was surprised at how quickly he deepened the kiss, sweet and insistent at the same time. The way his hands clutched me to him and the eagerness in his body told me things he wasn't saying.

"You really have missed me," I whispered when he gave me a chance.

"More than I can say, love." He closed his eyes, and drew in a long inhalation below my ear, his nose tickling the side of my neck. A happy groan rumbled low in his chest. "More than I can say. The only time I can truly breathe is when I'm with you."

He wasn't alone in that need, and the strength of his arms around me, his scent of linen and vanilla filling my nostrils and his solid chest pressing against me simply kicked my natural desires for him into overdrive.

Still mindful of what we'd been talking about earlier, an errant thought bubbled up and I barely managed to keep the smirk from my lips. Then without warning, I swept Edward's feet out from under him, guided him to the earth, and fell onto his chest with a giggle.

"Oof! You little minx!" he protested, but his eyes were bright with humor.

"Still worried I can't take care of myself?" I asked loftily.

"We'll see about that!"

A low growl rumbled in his chest while he grinned, then he twisted, pushing me onto my back. Laughing, giggling and kissing all the way, we rolled over and over, back and forth, not letting each other have the upper hand for long. Finally he started tickling, and though I could have warded him off, I let him be and simply collapsed into squeals of laughter.

"Aaah! Not fair! Okay, uncle!" I squeaked between fits and squirms.

Thankfully, he stopped and settled down next to me, pulling me close against him. "Well, now I know you _are_ ticklish."

"No fair. Eleazar never taught anything like that," I protested, still breathless.

Edward chuckled and arched his brows. "True. But ever since you asked the question in Denali, I've been curious."

"So, now you know. Am I forgiven, then?" I lay there docilely as Edward picked leaves out of my hair. He grinned my favorite lopsided smile and I felt my insides melt a little. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes narrowed and seemed to darken with liquid desire.

"I'll think about it," he demurred, and slowly leaned closer.

"Mmm, why don't I help you think?" Holding his golden eyes, I reached for his shirt and slowly began opening the buttons. With a murmur of assent, Edward bent to claim my lips and I melted into his chest, willing him to take me wherever he wanted to go.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

After a time, the sound of our breathing slowed, and I once again became aware of my surroundings, even as Edward placed soft, individual kisses on my lips and cheeks. The deep satisfaction I felt told me how much I had needed this break, while his contented smile told me Edward felt the same. Unfortunately, I still had work to do. With a regretful tilt of my head, I put a hand on his cheek and pulled back from his lips. Not an easy thing for me to do. "I'm sorry, Edward. I love you, but I need to get back to work."

A disappointed sigh shuddered from between his lips. "Duty calls. I, for one, will be glad when this inspection thing is over. Allow me, sweetheart." He retrieved our clothing, and seemed to take a certain sensuous pleasure in helping me dress. Somehow he made the action almost as intimate as making love had been — holding my gaze while he fastened a button with agonizing slowness, his fingers leaving feathery touches on my sensitive skin. Mimicking his motions, I returned the favor and made a mental note to do this more often. It was almost more than I could handle to not tear his clothes back off. When we were decent, Edward placed his hands on my waist and kissed me one last time before he let go.

"You know where to find me," he teased.

I kept hold of his hand, not wanting to let him go either, and let my fingertips linger over his as he pulled his hand free. I gave him a wistful smile as he walked back toward the house, his body half-turned back toward me and an answering smile on his face. He surprised me by blowing me a kiss before turning away.

Edward just naturally intoxicated me and it took quite a while to calm myself down. More than a few calming breaths were needed to clear my head and focus on the task at hand. When I finally did, I threw myself back into my efforts to extend the reach of my energy field, which was how I thought of it now. As Eleazar had explained, the purpose of the standing meditation was to help build sensitivity to the internal energies so one could work with them, and build the amount of energy one could generate. The sitting meditation helped the practitioner control the energies. I needed help in both areas.

When Eleazar first identified my gift, he had called it a shield. But if it blocked mental powers from reaching their targets, that wouldn't explain how it kept both Edward and Kate's gifts from working when I touched them. Did it somehow hold their abilities in? That didn't seem likely with Kate, who needed contact for her gift to work. And once she had contact, how would I be able to block her? It seemed more likely that the field disrupted those mental powers from working, kind of like how a radio gets all fuzzy when the car passes under high-voltage wires.

I desperately wanted to expand my field, so I sat and pushed and pushed at the forces that held it close to my body. The deep cyclic breathing seemed to help a little, or perhaps it just helped focus my efforts. Now that I knew where my field was, and what it felt like, I didn't need absolute quiet to find it anymore. However, with growing dismay, I slowly realized I had discovered the limitations of my vampire body.

Physical endeavors were not a problem for me anymore, but this was primarily a mental exercise. Mental fatigue was actually starting to show in a big way. At mid-afternoon, about three hours after I had resumed my work, I began to notice a headache. I hadn't had a headache since I was human. Edward would sometimes pinch the bridge of his nose, but that was usually when he was incredibly angry. He never said that it hurt.

I continued trying to expand the glowing warmth around me, pushing for all I was worth, breath starting to come more quickly as with physical effort. I managed to get it out to about six inches from my body. But when the throbbing between my eyes became too much, I had to stop. I let the field subside and opened my eyes, panting slightly. Massaging my forehead and temples for a while seemed to help the discomfort.

I switched to the standing exercise, gathering in my field until it coiled and pulsed in the center of my body. Then with each breath, I tried to pack more energy in, visualizing the waves of light merging into it and strengthening it. Perhaps it was my imagination, but the prickling increased; feeling like spiky caterpillars had replaced the butterflies that usually populated that region. But it slowly became uncomfortable, like a case of heartburn, and considering I had no stomach acids anymore, that took some doing. After a couple hours of this, too, I had to stop, rubbing my belly to ease the discomfort.

Trying to clear my head, I started moving through the set techniques. Moving around definitely helped, and my head and stomach went back to feeling normal. As I mimed through the slow movements of punching, kicking, blocking and pushing, I had another inspiration. I started applying the mental push of energy with each movement, as I had when working out with Eleazar. Providing a focal point with motion seemed to work a little better, rather than just trying to expand it in all directions. As I stepped forward into a two-handed push and sent the energy forward, the field moved forward as well, extending from my palms through the space where I imagined an opponent would be, an invisible pseudopod. When I stepped back, it subsided into me.

With eleven vampires to guard, I speculated I would need a sphere at least ten feet in diameter to cover everyone. If I was limited in the volume that I could generate, an ellipsoid of the same diameter might be more efficient. And while extending my field from my hands wasn't exactly what I wanted to accomplish, it was progress of a sort, so I kept at it. It was hard enough trying to extend, let alone trying to shape it.

Part of my mind was also adjusting to Edward's attitude to the whole affair. When I was human and the newborns were invading, Edward wanted me safely out of the area, even tricking me into leaving the state when Victoria came at us the first time. At least this time he wasn't insisting that I stay away. Not that he could since I was the subject of the inspection.

On the other hand, I didn't hold much hope that he would really trust me to be able to take care of myself, as Eleazar directed. If things did come to a battle, one-on-one encounters would be hard to arrange. I worried that he would hurt himself trying to safeguard me, just as Jasper had been trying to protect Alice.

Over the next week, progress came slowly and, quite literally, painfully. I continued my efforts with dogged determination, stopping only when the pain in my head grew unbearable, or when taking time out to hunt. I was relieved to see that my hunger was continuing to adjust – I was able to go four or five days before needing to hunt again. I also trained with Eleazar as much as I could, hoping to trigger some kind of breakthrough. But the closer we got to the inspection date, the more I realized I wasn't going to make it. I was able to project my field roughly five or six feet in front of me, but only about two feet around. If I held my arms out away from my sides, the field ended at my fingers. Not nearly enough to cover everyone.

The sun was setting behind the clouds when Edward came to look for me. I had collapsed on my rock after a particularly hard session. It felt like I had been attempting to pull a jumbo jet with my head, and I held my forehead in my hands trying to hold it together.

"Are you all right, love?" Edward's frantic concern somehow made it through my pounding, fuzzy brain. He crouched next to me and laid a hand across my back.

I raised bleary eyes to him, blinked like an owl, then dropped my head against his shoulder with a long exhalation. "No, I'm not all right. This is harder than anything I've done so far. If it was only physical, maybe I'd have a shot at it. But it's purely mental. I guess vampirism doesn't make everything possible."

Edward took a seat and shifted me into his lap. I sighed and lay my aching head on his chest as he massaged my neck and shoulders. "Did you ever think that this much is made possible by who you are now?"

"Mm?" I was barely coherent. I didn't have tight muscles, just the headache, but I was enjoying the feel of his soothing hands.

He laughed quietly and continued working on my neck. After a while he spoke with his lips against my hair. "Are you thirsty, Bella?" he asked.

"A little," I admitted. "I'll be all right for another day or so."

"A number of us are going hunting tonight, to be prepared for tomorrow."

"It's tomorrow?" I sat upright on his lap, alarm rushing through me. "Oh crap, I thought I had more time!"

"You've been so single-minded about this, I was starting to get worried. It seemed to me you didn't move for almost an entire day."

"This is bad, Edward!" My voice rose as the panic set in. "I can only cover a little more than myself. Maybe if I had six months to work on it, but not in just a month!"

"It's not for lack of trying," Edward said, trying to calm me down. "You've done almost nothing but work on this for the last month. No one would fault you at all. Come on. There's nothing you can do about it now, and you need to be at your best for tomorrow."

I let Edward pull me to my feet. My headache started to subside, but it was replaced by a feeling of dread. The Volturi were coming and I couldn't do anything about it. If they were going to be nasty, someone in the family would be left unprotected. How could I pick and choose whom to leave to Jane's tender mercies?

Kate and Eleazar were waiting for us at the house. The rest of the family had already split up, and were headed for different hunting grounds. With this many of us hunting at once, it would cause too much damage to hunt in the same place. Our assigned area was in a northeast direction from the house, far away from the Bogachiel River. I wondered if this was Edward's decision; that was the site where I had killed Mike and Jessica. It seemed like the kind of thoughtful gesture he would do.

"How goes it, _sestrichka_?" Kate asked.

In answer I stopped a few paces away from her, gathered my hands in front of me, then pushed out towards her. I felt my energy field reach across the space between us, and when it touched Kate it was drawn into her naturally. I only needed to keep the connection going after that.

"Very good, Bella," Eleazar commended me with a nod.

"But not good enough," I said. "I can only generate a field this far across." I held out my arms to either side to show him, and in doing so broke the connection to Kate.

"I'd be willing to bet you're able to cover more of us by contact than you did two weeks ago," Edward said. Trust him to try to make me feel better.

"Yeah!" I brightened. "It's at least twice as big as it was then."

"Bella." Kate's tone was calm as usual, but very matter-of-fact. "It's a nice idea. But even if you could shield all of us in a chain, if the Volturi do come to fight, do you think we can stand there holding hands? We might be immune to their powers but they can still attack us, physically. And then we would have to let go to defend ourselves."

"Oh," I said, crestfallen again. I kicked at a small clump of grass. "Darn, I hadn't thought of that."

"Don't be discouraged," said Eleazar as he patted me on the shoulder. "It was a worthy effort, and this wasn't something that just anybody could do. You've gotten this far in just over a month of nigh constant work. That, in itself, is impressive. I think we could still work it into tactics if necessary. At the least, if we were to try a mass charge, you would guarantee that a number of us could get through. That's better odds than we were looking at before."

"And remember, this is supposed to be an inspection," said Edward. "You shouldn't have to defend yourself from that." He drew near and took my hand again. "The best thing you can do right now is to come and recharge yourself so you're ready for whatever tomorrow brings. You'll feel better once you've had something to drink."

"All right, let's go," I agreed.

We started off for our hunting grounds. They were right, of course. We would just have to do the best we could with what we had. For that matter, we really didn't have any choice. Right now we stood at eleven mature vampires and one newborn with dubious abilities. If Eleazar or Jasper could devise a way to use my gift to better effect I might feel more secure. I just hoped it wouldn't be necessary.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_A/N: Whew! That was a little thick, wasn't it? But Bella's finally got her shield now! So you ask, "when's there gonna be some action, hmmm?" Soon...soon... As always, love to hear your thoughts!  
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	22. Chapter 21: Inspection

_**A/N**: __A very large round of thanks to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. You have my undying appreciation! Thanks so much, my friends!  
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_God bless _Katmom _and her wondrous editorial juju! The force is strong with this one, and she keeps me from the dark side! Um, I did a little editing after the fact, so if there's any errors, they're mine. That's what I get for working without a net!  
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_Thanks to everyone who has read and left feedback, set favorites and alerts. Thanks for your encouragement through twitter! I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort so much fun._

__When last we saw our heroes, Bella had gained control of her shield, but not enough to cover the whole family. And it's show time...__

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, we're just playing dress-up in her closet. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Chapter 21 – Inspection<span>

Deep inside Olympic National Park, about twenty miles northeast from Forks, was one of the many deep, river valleys that drained the Olympic Mountains. It had taken us longer to get out here, because I couldn't wear Kate's ointment and do my own hunting, so we had to be more careful. With the cold night air and the misty weather it was unlikely there would be hikers, but we needed to be sure. I didn't want to have another accident, and we hadn't tested my control without Kate's ointment in a while.

After I finished the elk I had killed, I felt quite full. I wasn't that thirsty yet, so one was more than enough. I took stock of myself and sighed. A couple dribbles of blood had escaped and splashed onto my shirt. If I didn't get better at this, I might have to start carrying a bib like restaurants gave patrons sitting down to a messy lobster dinner.

Following the lead of the others, I uprooted a small tree and buried the elk among the roots. We might leave one or two carcasses out for the scavengers, but this reminded me of the story of the Pilgrims, learning to bury a dead fish with their crops to make them grow better. Idly, I wondered how many of the trees had benefited from our diet.

Edward and Eleazar were waiting near the stand of pine trees where we had flushed the herd of elk. Kate had let her elk run a little before taking it down, so wasn't back yet. While we were waiting, I thought to ask Eleazar something that I'd wondered about.

"Eleazar, is Carmen all right?"

"Certainly; why do you ask?" he replied, quite puzzled.

"Well, she doesn't join us for training. Will she be all right when the Volturi come?"

"Ah, I see what you mean." Eleazar laughed, a little ruefully. "Well, my Carmen is a very gentle soul. That was one of the things that first drew me to her." He turned to Edward. "Do we have a little time?" he asked.

Edward smiled indulgently at whatever Eleazar was thinking. "Sure, we're still waiting for Kate, after all."

"It's one of my more pleasant memories." A faraway look of contentment touched Eleazar's face. "Long, long ago I was returning from an expedition in the south of my native Spain. I was near what is now Cordoba, and on my way back to Italy. Night had fallen and I stopped beside a river in the forest, to admire the moon reflecting on the water. As I sat under the trees, I heard a commotion.

"A deer crashed through the trees and splashed across the water. Naturally, I looked to see what was pursuing it, and saw a vision in white muslin. There was no mistaking the speed and grace; it was another vampire. If ever there was an image of Artemis on the hunt, it was her. She leaped across and brought down the deer with ease.

"My first thought was 'why is she doing that?' This was before I met Carlisle, you see. Why would an immortal waste time chasing down deer? While I puzzled over that, she did something that perplexed me even more. She knelt beside it and stroked the dead animal for a moment. I looked closely at her face, and thought I was mistaken, but she seemed sad. Then she fell on it and commenced to feed.

"As I stood there in shock, I knew, here before my eyes was a wonder, a rarity. Not only was there a she-vampire before me, but she had killed and consumed an animal. And it seemed she did it reluctantly. My curiosity flared up; I had to know more about her.

"I waited until she was finished – I knew better than to get between a vampire and their meal – and stepped out from my place of concealment and called to her.

"She was instantly suspicious and turned to flee, perhaps embarrassed that someone had seen her unusual behavior. 'Senorita, wait!' I called. 'I mean you no harm! I'm only curious!'

"At that she stopped and turned. 'You don't think me strange?'

"'I think you're lovely,' I said. I admit I was trying to be non-threatening." Eleazar looked a little embarrassed. "I'm not usually one for empty flattery, but there was just something about her." Eleazar smiled and continued.

"She allowed me to cross the river and come a little closer. I explained that I had traveled many lands, and seen many things, met my share of vampires. But never before had I seen a vampire who ate an animal. What was it like?

"She made a face and said it tasted a little odd, but she had to do it. 'It makes me so sad, to kill a human,' she said. 'I can't bear their pain.' I was surprised, and sought to read her, but she wasn't gifted in that way. She was just very sensitive, and hated violence.

"'You don't even like killing animals, do you?' She slowly shook her head.

"She was a breath of fresh air to me. After the many years with the Volturi, all of us in the Guard were very familiar with the need for violence if the mission required it. Jane's power allowed her to be extremely violent without even lifting a finger.

"'Don't be embarrassed,' I said. 'One must live somehow.' She laughed at me then, perhaps grateful I wasn't repulsed by her behavior.

"I bowed low to her. 'Senorita, my name is Eleazar. May I know your name?' She proffered her hand to me and I drew closer. 'I am Carmen,' she said as I bowed over her fingers.

"That was the beginning of a conversation that lasted several days and nights. I told her of my work for the Volturi, and was happy that she didn't judge me. She played guitar for me and showed me the wonders of Cordoba during the night. I didn't have my paints with me, so I drew a portrait of her in charcoal and parchment." Eleazar sighed, a happy smile on his face, staring into space. It took a moment before he resumed.

"After a while, my conscience began to gnaw at me. I still had to return to Volterra to make my report to Aro. For once I didn't feel the same dedication to duty, the same sense of fulfillment I usually did after completing my investigations. But I had to complete my assignment.

"With great reluctance, I took my leave of Carmen, but before I left I gave her my pledge to return some day to visit again. Then I resumed my journey back to Volterra.

"I duly arrived in Volterra, and made my report. It had been yet another wild goose chase – a story of a witch who could cast the pox. Aro thanked me and asked me if I had enjoyed my visit back home. I told him it was quite pleasant, knowing he would have seen my memories of Carmen, but I had my duties to return to. He seemed satisfied and dismissed me.

"Little, did I know," Eleazar commented. "I returned to my quarters, but unlike previous journeys, it didn't feel like a homecoming. I had the strangest feeling of unease, as if I was missing something. I sat down to a canvas that I had set aside before my journey, but I couldn't seem to start again. Searching my soul for the source of my disquiet, no matter what I did, my thoughts kept returning to Carmen. Finally, I realized why.

"Fortunately for me, Aro had made good on his promise to allow me freedom of movement. I couldn't wait. I packed my meager belongings and went to find Aro. When I clasped his hand, I told him I was bringing another vampire home and he approved. I made my way back to Spain and was fortunate to be able to find Carmen again.

"To make a long story short, after a period of courtship, I professed my love and she accepted me. We were wed in a small chapel in Cordoba where we lived for a time. We were very happy, but I still had my duties calling to me. In time, we returned to Volterra. And while I was happy that I had found my life companion, not all was well. Carmen still didn't kill humans, and so wasn't comfortable in the company of the Guardsmen. She also didn't agree with the violence that sometimes accompanied my work. And to tell the truth, I found I wasn't as dedicated to the cause as I once was. So after much debate, I asked Aro if we could leave. It had been a while since we had an expedition, and the Guard was already quite powerful. Aro was sad to see me go but he agreed. We left that night and have been together ever since."

"Don't you love a happy ending?" Kate had joined us during Eleazar's story, refreshed and ready to go.

Eleazar laughed. "Well, that was my long-winded explanation of why Carmen doesn't fight with us. She's a pacifist at heart and came to the vegetarian way on her own because she was so tender-hearted and doesn't like to hurt others. She tolerates it in me because I had to learn to survive in Volterra. She understands the necessity for self-defense, but she prefers non-violence if at all possible."

"That's if she's given a choice in the matter," Kate murmured.

The implications of Kate's commentary fell into the silence like a lead balloon. Eleazar cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yes, well, in my life I've fought enough for the two of us. I'm sure if pressed she would take care of herself. But I won't compromise her principles."

"Sorry." Kate held up her hands in apology. "I didn't mean to cast aspersions."

Eleazar nodded his acceptance. "Hopefully it won't come to that."

"I'm surprised Aro let you go," Edward said. "I thought he would have found some way to hold you."

"Why do you think I doubted, when you said he was corrupt?" Eleazar replied. "It didn't match what I'd seen at the time. Only now, after I've thoroughly examined those events without Chelsea blinding me, do I see the pattern."

"We're doubly fortunate then, that you found Carmen." Edward clapped Eleazar on the shoulder. "If we're done, we should go."

We gathered ourselves together and started the trek back to Forks.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The ghostly dawn was beginning to lighten the drizzly clouds when we got home. Wanting to have a brief meeting before the impending arrival of the Volturi tonight, Carlisle called us in. The family was already gathered in the living room when we arrived, some filling the available furniture while the rest stood.

"Alice, what time do you see them coming?" Carlisle asked.

"Night time, maybe eleven o'clock," Alice answered.

"Here?"

"Yes."

"I'd rather not wait for them to come here," Edward said. A scattered nodding of heads and words of agreement echoed his sentiment.

Alice's delicate brows drew together briefly. "We can meet them earlier, in the baseball clearing, if we want. They'll pass through on the way here."

"Do you see any problems with them?"

"No."

"But that could only mean they haven't decided to attack us yet."

Alice shrugged her slight shoulders. "That's what I see so far."

"All right, we'll meet them there, then," Carlisle said. "I'll be locking down the corporation. You all have access to your accounts, if needed. You know what to do?" He looked around to a collective nod, except from me. I was a little lost but Edward wasn't, so I'd ask him later.

"We'll also need to lock down the house before we leave tonight. Just in case. Any questions?"

Jasper spoke up. "Any plans for the meeting itself?"

Carlisle gave a thin smile. "I thought you and Eleazar might have some thoughts about that."

Eleazar gave a nod. "Proceed, Jasper," he said with a wave of his hand.

Jasper cleared his throat with a cough. "We won't have much room for subtlety, if it begins as a meeting and goes sour. If we show up in formation, that might invite some aggression on their part.

"I think our strongest members should collect loosely around Bella. That would make sense since she's the subject of the meeting, and it'll look like we're just guarding her. But if all hell breaks loose, Bella should extend as far as she can, and everyone form around her and charge Alec."

"What about Jane?" I asked, more mindful of her abilities than Alec's.

"Jane attacks one at a time," Eleazar answered me. "She can switch quickly from target to target, though. Alec's gift moves slower, but he can cover the whole family at once. If you can break through and deal with him, we have a better chance with Jane. With him, we have no chance."

"If you can take care of Alec, move on to Jane," Jasper said.

"And you guys?" I asked nervously.

Jasper's lips pressed into a grim line. "We'll try to engage the rest. We still outnumber them, so we should be able to use that."

The pit of my stomach fell as I realized what he meant. I was the only one he was sure could get close enough, and everyone else would be cannon fodder. I gazed around the room at the faces of my family. Their expressions ranged from concern to iron determination. Except for Emmett, who looked absurdly eager. Still, I couldn't let that happen to them. I extended my arms to show the extent I could expand my field.

"I can reach this far. If you can keep a hand or something in that area, it'll conduct and cover you. It might be awkward but…" I shrugged. "What else can we do?"

"Not much else," Jasper agreed.

"If it comes to that," Esme countered. "Alice doesn't see a battle, so don't borrow trouble so easily."

"Indeed." Carlisle gave a shaky laugh. "We'll see how this goes. Watch, it'll just be an inspection and all this angst will be unnecessary."

A muttering of nervous laughter flitted around the room, and the tense atmosphere lightened. Edward patted my knee and kissed the side of my head.

"All right, it's just a precaution, but you all know what to do." Carlisle stood, essentially dismissing us. "Let's get going."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

I followed Edward up to the attic, to help him with the computer equipment again. I was trying to be good and keeping my cynical thoughts to myself, but this one wouldn't stay in. "You know, Edward, this is the third time we've gone through this exercise of closing down the house. Do we do this every time we have an emergency or have to move?"

Edward had the decency to look embarrassed, scrunching up his normally perfect nose. "Not exactly. This time we're not moving, just preparing for the worst."

"Don't you all get tired of the false alarms?"

"Well, up until recently, we haven't _had_ any false alarms." He gave my arm a little nudge.

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. "What was all that about a corporation?"

"Family business," Edward said with a wry smile. "We use a private corporation to manage the family assets. The real estate and other investments are all held by the corporation. Humans have to deal with wills, inheritance taxes, probate, and other issues of succession when one generation gives way to the next. And in the beginning, we did too. I had to 'come back from the dead' in order to claim my parents' house. We also had to change identities more frequently.

"It would look very strange for the same person to own a house and pay property taxes on it for over a hundred years," Edward went on. "A corporation is ageless. As long as it pays its taxes, the government doesn't care what it owns or how long it has owned them. The names of the officers can change as needed. And we don't have to deal with inheritance taxes. The corporation greatly simplifies keeping our personal affairs in order."

Edward looked meaningfully into my eyes. "All of us are also prepared for the next move, at any time. In a fireproof vault in the garage are all the papers we need to begin a new life if need be. I took the liberty of preparing a set for you. Just in case."

I fell quiet for a while, absorbing the implications of that last statement. My first day at school, I learned the Cullens had moved down to Forks only two years before. Yet, I'd never delved into the details of that move with Edward until now. This was the untold truth behind the school gossip.

Now that I belonged in the same world, I actually wasn't surprised. I'd known that 'Cullen' wasn't Edward's original surname. The members of my family were always so smooth managing their cover life, but I didn't truly understand it until now. The thought that I might have to assume a new identity sometime, and that there were legal instruments ready for me with another name on them, really brought it home.

I sighed softly. Those documents, while necessary, would take me another step further away from my parents and my human life, but it was one of those steps I was determined to take. I'd also never thought about writing a will, but that wouldn't be necessary now. I did have some affairs of my own to settle, though.

While Edward busied himself with the other equipment, I logged into my account. With a sigh, I began drafting an e-mail to Charlie and Renee, begging off coming back home to visit for Thanksgiving. Homework and papers were just piling up in preparation before the winter break, more than I had thought it would, and I needed the time to catch up. I apologized profusely, told them I loved them, and promised to visit soon. After I hit 'send,' I sat there thinking for a long time, my chin propped in the palm of my hand. Edward looked at me curiously, but continued working. Finally, I stirred and composed another message. One good thing about vampire speed – I could type far faster than I ever had, so was finished with all this correspondence in no time. I just needed to be careful not to break the keyboard.

Afterward, I helped Edward disconnect a couple machines. "I had no idea I married into a corporation," I remarked. "What did Carlisle mean by 'lock it down'?" I asked as I followed him downstairs.

"He's freezing the assets of the main accounts. All of us in the family have our own personal accounts. Funds are periodically distributed into them. By freezing the main accounts, he ensures that someone like the Volturi could not drain the corporation if they captured one of us. At most they could take the contents of the much smaller accounts."

I wrinkled my forehead, a divot forming between my brows. "Isn't that a little paranoid?"

"Just being careful. The Volturi aren't interested in financial gain, but just in case, there's no reason they, or anybody else, should profit from the fruits of our labors. We also wouldn't want any information about the family falling into the wrong hands."

This time when we took the equipment to the garage, Edward revealed a door that was artfully hidden behind a wine rack. A façade of material attached to the back of the rack made it look as if it were standing against a solid concrete wall. After Edward opened it, I saw it was the vault, built into the foundation of the garage. The hidden door was heavy steel, with bolts the thickness of baseball bats. It looked like it could withstand fire and explosives. There were several shelves and one held small metal boxes with the names of each family member on them, but for some reason, I turned away before I could see the one with my name on it.

Noticing what I was looking at, Edward set the computer he was carrying in a corner of the vault. "I hope you don't think I was too presumptuous in creating papers for you, love, but we needed to have something in case of emergency. Have you thought about what name you'd like to use? We can easily have that changed."

I frowned at the thought, and bent to deposit my load next to his. While an integral part of this life, now that it was staring me in the face, I found I still needed to adjust. I shook my head.

"Not just yet. I…" I fumbled for words. "I guess I've always been just Bella, and I'm still getting used to being Bella Cullen. I didn't think about being anybody else yet," I ended lamely.

Edward gently took my hands in his. "Don't worry about it," he said quietly. "You get used to it after a while."

"I hope so." I nodded soberly, then decided to change the subject. "So, if it's a corporation, do you have a title?"

"What do you think?" He brightened and his eyes twinkled at me. "I'm the chief information officer."

"Oh, right." I snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. "You couldn't come up with something more original?"

"We didn't specify what _kind_ of information."

"Oh brother," I said. "Let's go dismantle the computer room."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

A short time later, we finished storing all the equipment and other important or sensitive information in the vault. Edward and I returned to our room, and he stood in front of his shelves, debating whether to pack up his music collection again. Once again, his face was serious, gloomy. I felt the sense of impending doom coming from him, and it started to spread to me as well. E-mailing my parents had not put me in a great frame of mind; telling them goodbye for good was not going to be easy.

Wanting to dispel the feelings, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and snuggled my cheek against his back. A deep whiff of his scent made me feel a little better. "Alice doesn't see a battle with the Volturi, right?" I asked.

He turned around and enfolded me in his arms, tucking my head under his chin. "No, she doesn't, but…" He fell silent.

"But, what?" I prompted.

"I can't shake the feeling. Aro _really_ wanted Alice and I to join the Volturi. I would say he wants us about as badly as you wanted to be immortal. Even though Alice doesn't see a problem, I can't help feeling he won't stop until we belong to him." Edward sighed, long and loud. "I wish I had never gone to Volterra. I've exposed us all to terrible danger."

"Well, you can't do anything about that now," I said quietly. "You shouldn't have tried to kill yourself, though."

He took my face between gentle hands. "I couldn't help myself, love. The pain was more than I could bear. The thought of life without you…" He fell silent, his mouth working, eyes wide and luminous at whatever horrors he was recalling.

"Shh, I'm here." I pulled his head down close to mine, and held him while he squeezed me convulsively, like he would never let me go. Finally, he released a long, shuddering breath, raised his head and looked down at me with his hand on the side of my neck, his thumb gently caressing my cheek.

"Alice does say I'm a little mental around you," he confessed, a wry twist touching his lips.

"She's not wrong," I said with what I hoped was a teasing tone. "But you asked _me_ not to do anything reckless."

"I know, I was being selfish." Edward closed his eyes. "Even if I was taking myself out of your life, I couldn't stand the idea of you not being in the world."

I frowned slightly. He should know I didn't like double standards. "I managed because you asked me. It wasn't easy but I tried. Would you do the same if I asked you?"

Edward opened his mouth, but didn't answer. He stared at me helplessly.

My eyes flew wide with my alarm. "You're not still thinking that way, are you?"

He cast his eyes down.

"You have to promise you won't do anything stupid if anything happens to me!" The stab of fear made my voice sharper than I intended. I thought we had resolved this a long time ago, but apparently I was wrong.

He raised agonized eyes of golden yellow to me, his voice unsteady. "Bella, you mean the world to me. I can barely stand even the thought of losing you. How would I live through the reality?"

I steeled myself to say what I needed, knowing it would hurt him, but this had to be said. "Edward, when you left me, it hurt. A lot." I clasped his face in my hands and kissed him quickly as he reacted. "Shh. I'm sorry, but I have to say it." I took a breath and forged on. "It hurt, but it also helped me; it proved to me that you had existed. You were the best thing that happened to me, so in a weird way, the pain was welcome, because it was from you. If it hurt that badly, it showed me how happy I was when you were with me."

I rubbed his cheek softly. "And it does get easier after a while. I managed."

Edward shook his head, quickly. "Do you remember when I said you were stronger than me, on that subject?"

I nodded, remembering the night after we had returned from Volterra. It was another strong human memory that was easily recalled — when I realized he had never stopped loving me all those dark months ago.

"You were human. Perhaps when you were still mortal you could have managed; the memories and the pain would fade with time. Now you're like me; every single memory will be just as strong as the first day you experienced it. And if you were gone, the pain would just continue." His jaw set with grim desperation and he pulled me to his chest again. I hurried to soothe him, rubbing his back and making shushing sounds.

"Search your new memories and you'll see I'm right," he whispered raggedly.

Doing as he bid, I closed my eyes and began with my first vampire memory — seeing Edward's face through immortal eyes for the first time. The accompanying joy warmed me just as much as it had that shiny, new day. Then in quick succession, I recalled more memories. The thrill of my first hunt; the horror of killing Mike and Jessica; the guilt from injuring Edward over and over. But it was the bottomless agony I felt when he was trapped in the crevasse and I thought I would lose him that brought it home.

The hole in my chest — that had been sealed for so long — cracked open a bit and I gasped and clutched at my throat. All of it came back as fresh as if I was standing there on the glacier. If fear of losing him affected me this much, the reality would be devastating, and Edward was saying I would carry the torture of that experience with me for all time?

Edward could see my realization, as he raised my wide-eyed face with a gentle palm. "You see what I mean?"

"But that can't be the answer!" I pushed back from him. "Would you be happy at the idea of me killing myself if you're gone?"

His eyebrows drew together, and he spoke in all seriousness. "It may not be _the_ answer, but it is _an_ answer. Victoria hunting you, me going to Italy, even the way Marcus behaves. Does any of that look like a rational response to grief to you?"

"What's wrong with Marcus?" I cast back through human memories, and only recalled a dark-haired vampire who didn't speak much.

"He lost his mate thousands of years ago, and he's been mourning her ever since. So much so, he hardly even notices life going on around him."

I didn't know what to say to that. Marcus' reaction sounded uncomfortably similar to how I had responded to Edward's desertion.

What memories I had of my grandparents' passing didn't involve a great deal of mourning — I was pretty young, then, and not very close to them. But everything I had learned from my parents, from Harry Clearwater's death even, had taught me that the survivors carry on. _Time heals all wounds_. _Life goes on_. These were words of comfort that people told each other whenever there was a death in the family. That's what I felt was right. But now that I thought about it, and could experience it myself, Edward was also right.

"So, what do we do now? Is that your plan? To off ourselves if something happens to the other?" The thought sent a wave of weakness through my knees, and I moved to sit on the bed.

"No, it was never a plan, only a reaction. I swear to you, I'd never experienced anything like that before. As a result, I wasn't thinking very clearly at all." Edward settled onto the bed close by me.

Stubbornly, I refused to believe that this was the only option available to us. Maybe I could still convince him otherwise. "Edward, it scares me, the idea that you'll hurt yourself if anything happens to me," I said. "Think about what Jasper wants us to do if things go bad tonight. If that goes down, I'm going to be in the middle of a bunch of unfriendly vampires. All kinds of things could go wrong."

"But if you're…not here…" he said with difficulty. "You wouldn't know about it."

"But if I know that's what you'll do, it still hurts. When you were stuck in the crevasse, I thought there was a chance you might die. That thought brought me around, because it hurt to think I might lose you. So I wish you wouldn't go to extremes like that. I'll end up doing something crazy to make sure you'll stay alive."

He still couldn't answer me.

"What about Carlisle and Esme? You're their favorite son. Think about what it would do to them." I started rattling off anything I could think of that might convince him. "Alice loves you, too. You didn't see her the last time. She'd be devastated if you did yourself in. Aren't those enough reasons to live?"

Edward ran agitated fingers through his hair, and rubbed the back of his neck, as if massaging away a headache. "I...I understand what you're saying." He hesitated. "But you know what I'm saying is true. We're not inconstant beings like humans are; change doesn't come easily or often to us. Love is one of the most powerful agents of change we experience, and nothing is strong enough to reverse that. As a result, we don't take the loss of our mates very well."

I wanted to deny it, to say anything to refute it, but deep down inside, I could feel that he was right. Nothing useful came to me that might change his mind. Not knowing what to say, I sat silently drawing designs on the silken coverlet with my fingers.

"What are you thinking, love?" Edward finally asked.

"I guess—" I began.

"What?"

After further consideration, I decided to just go with it. "Do you know what I _wanted_ to tell you?"

The inflection drew a quizzical expression from him. "No."

"I wanted to tell you that what I feel for you is the sweetest, most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. And because it's so amazing, I'd have to keep going even if you were gone just to keep your memory alive. Because every day that I went on, and kept your memory alive, would be a celebration of you. You mean that much to me, Edward, and that would make the pain worth bearing. At least, that's what I would have said at one time."

A sigh slipped out of me, and my shoulders slumped. "At one time, I thought you were just being negative, or over-reacting. I...I guess I know what you felt, now. What you still feel."

He gave me the barest of nods. "It's an eye-opener, isn't it?"

I grimaced, uncomfortable at the thought. "But it's just such a downer, you know? We've got no choice but to suicide or go crazy if anything happens to the other? What kind of future is that?"

His eyes grew bleak with sadness. "It does seem to be rather absolute, doesn't it? Another reason the transient nature of humanity would have been better for you."

My brows knitted together at that. "I still wouldn't forget you, even if I was human," I insisted. "I'd find a way to hold on to you."

He considered that briefly and nodded. "That's true, you would."

The silence that fell between us dragged on for a while, so I reached out and took his hand. Then something my mom had said a long time ago came to me. And after a moment, it made even more sense now than it did when she first said it.

"Maybe we are stuck with the memories for the rest of our existence. But does that mean we have to dwell on the bad things all the time?"

Edward frowned as he absorbed that, gazing thoughtfully out the window.

"You have good memories of me, too, don't you?"

His expression softened instantly, and he smiled. "Of course, I do."

"Well, it's not so different than with humans. We, I mean they, can choose to dwell on the pain, or choose to hold on to the happy memories — the things that make our life together special. I spent the last part of senior year freaking out about Victoria hurting you, and what did it get me? I made things worse for us. So why focus on the negative?"

"The Volturi are coming —"

"Yes, they are," I interrupted. "And there's not much we can do about that, or whatever else life throws our way. At least Alice gave us some warning. But if we only live our lives based on the negative, well, then it's like the Volturi have won already. You don't want to give in without a fight, do you?"

"I already know how I'll feel if you're taken from me. I've lived it."

I felt a twinge of exasperation, but controlled it. That's not what he needed right now.

I laid my hand on the side of his head, stroking the hair of his temple with my thumb.

"You've got every single, happy memory of me locked in there, just like I have of you. Why not hold on to _those_ the hardest? You said you use good memories of me to counteract the bad ones Jacob gave you. What better time to use them, than for this?"

Edward gazed into my eyes for a long, silent moment, thinking. Then he looked away at the forest outside. His face shifted through a number of expressions and I wondered what was going through his head. I waited while he thought, not wanting to interrupt. Finally he spoke. "You're right. I suppose I hadn't thought of it that way."

I put my hand on my chest, and concentrated on thoughts of how much he loved me — how his face lit up when I walked into a room, the gentle concern with which he took care of me, the music that he composed for me. Instantly the pain was gone, and I even began to feel a little warm. "Maybe we don't know what's coming around the corner. But so long as you can hold our love here." I placed my hand on Edward's chest. "And hold our memories here." I stroked the side of his face. "We'll always be together. Let's focus on that and live for that."

Slowly, the frown smoothed away from his brow, until finally he looked at me thoughtfully. "I never thought beyond the pain. I was in such misery, I just wanted it to end. But the way you see it, it's a…a…" He searched for the words, then found it, and his eyes seemed to glow. "We celebrate the good, instead of cherish the bad."

I nodded, hopeful that he was coming around. "I don't even know if I'll be able to do it when the time comes, but at least it's something positive to try."

He nodded his assent, a hesitant smile touching the corners of his mouth. "All right, I'll try. Who knows what the future holds but…for you, I'll try."

I smiled happily at him. "That's all I'm asking."

He kissed the tip of my nose. "I can definitely celebrate your life, but I'd much rather celebrate your life while you're living." He began to kiss me rather seriously, until I felt the warmth starting to grow in my stomach again. He stopped and his eyes did that unfair smoldering thing. "Wouldn't you?"

In answer, I twined my arms around his neck and kissed him for all I was worth. Mindful of my strength, I held him gently, letting him set the pace. His arms pulled me closer until there was no more room for thought. His strong warm hands caressed my back, sending shivers down the backs of my legs.

Then he broke away and held my eyes with his, his breathing unsteady. "You're the most wonderful thing to happen to me in a hundred years, and I would like nothing more than to spend the next hundred years making happy memories with you," he whispered, and bent to kiss me again.

His lips lingered long and gently over mine, savoring the sensations of silken lips and satin cheeks. I smiled under his kisses and pulled him even closer as the warmth in my chest swelled and burst like a torrent of sunshine beating through the clouds. While he kissed his way down to the hollow of my throat, I lay back, twisted my fingers through his hair, and felt the curves of our bodies line up as if created to fit together. Gone was the gloom that had touched him. Gone was the edge and urgency I felt the last few times he thought he would lose me. There was more joy in his touch and in his kisses, and the relief I felt fed into the storm tide rising up within me. And while the future was still not certain, I felt more positive that he would be able to celebrate the sweetness of our life together.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

In the hours before the predicted meeting time, I grew more and more nervous. I didn't know exactly what to wear for a possible battle, and from what I could remember of the last time that our family fought, there wasn't any kind of uniform or equipment involved. I was standing in the closet in my bathrobe, looking over my meager wardrobe when there was a knock on our door. Edward opened the door and Alice walked in, carrying a pair of pants.

"Jasper wants us to wear something light colored," Alice piped up. "Since the Volturi usually wear dark clothing, we'll be able to tell each other apart more easily. Here, wear this with a long sleeved t-shirt or something like that."

She handed me a pair of soft, running pants. Considering athletics was the farthest thing from my mind as a human, I had never owned a pair. However, that wasn't the problem.

"Pink pants?" I wrinkled my nose and held them with two fingers like they were contaminated.

"Hey, it's all in how you wear a color," Alice said with a roll of her eyes. "And it's called bleached coral. Women's yoga pants and running pants are mostly black or dark grey. This was the best I could do for light colored, athletic wear."

"Well, you know I wouldn't have anything like this," I said, stating the obvious.

"If you don't like them, wear them hunting," Alice said with a knowing grin. "The way you go through clothing, we need to go shopping more. I know you try to be indifferent about what you wear, but this will be easy to move in, if you need to."

"Thanks, Alice," I said and in spite of it, gave her a grateful smile. I went to brush my hair in front of the bathroom mirror so I could pull it into a ponytail.

"You still don't see a battle happening?" I asked as I brushed.

"Not so far," she answered me. "A little nervous?"

"Let's see, we're not sure what's going to happen, but Carlisle thinks that I'm going to be inspected. The group that's coming to check on me has destroyed entire covens before, and may have done so without good reason. Of course I'm nervous."

Alice rewarded my comments with a smirk. "No wonder you and Edward get along so well. You're both such pessimists. It's not like you can stop being a vampire in the next couple hours, so just try to relax."

Edward walked into the bathroom, pulling on a white, long-sleeved polo shirt. "Ignore her. We're not pessimists; we're just trying to be practical. It's better to be prepared for the future than have it take you by surprise. She should know that."

Alice wrinkled her nose at Edward. "I guess I'd better go get ready, too," she said, and left the room, humming to herself.

After I finished with my hair, I walked into the closet for a shirt. Edward surprised me by catching me around the waist and kissing my shoulders and the back of my neck. The skin of his arms slid silkily across my belly, and began to seriously distract me.

"Hey, knock it off." I giggled as his nose tickled my ear. I twisted around in his arms and pushed lightly against his chest. "Just because we're married doesn't mean you should be pawing me all the time."

"Can you think of a better time?" His voice was low and honey smooth, his eyes warm and gentle. I took a breath and fought back the feeling of my knees melting.

"Um, yeah? After the inspection?" I said, pointedly. "We don't want them to come here, do we?"

Edward made a rebellious noise in the back of his throat. "I suppose," he said and bared his teeth. "Honestly, Jane hasn't made an appearance yet, and she's already irritating me."

I slid my fingers across his cheek, relishing the velvet feel of his face, then reluctantly pulled out of his arms and reached for my clothes. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The night was one of those rare, cold but clear November evenings that had a few scattered clouds marring the starlit sky. At around nine o'clock we all gathered in front of the house.

As the newest member of the family, I was the only one that needed to get my affairs in order in some way. The e-mail that I had composed would be sent to Charlie and Renee in several days if I didn't delete it before then. I had struggled with the contents of it —how could I explain that if they received this message, it would be because I had been killed by other vampires? Instead, I settled for telling them I loved them, and thanked them for caring for me and for supporting my choices.

Inside the house, Esme activated the heavy metal shields that rolled down and covered the huge glass windows. Carmen had a book and settled onto a couch in the living room. I didn't know how she would be able to read calmly, wondering whether we would return. After Eleazar bade her goodbye, we set out at a brisk trot for the baseball clearing.

This was the first time I had run with my entire family coursing around me like a herd of gazelle. The miles fell away beneath our feet as we leaped and bounded through the trees. Alice and Edward led the formation, keeping an eye out for stray humans again. On Eleazar's suggestion, I tried extending my dampening field on the run. If I couldn't keep it extended while I was busy it wouldn't do the family any good in a melee.

At first I couldn't concentrate enough to get hold of it. But after a few stumbles, I actively pressed the vampire mind into service. I made an effort to run with part of my mind, while another part found my field and pushed it out to my current limits. I still couldn't push it as far as I wanted it to go, but that couldn't be helped now.

As we ran, Eleazar tried at various times to push or attack me – clumsy attempts by his normal standards – to see if I could maintain it while under attack. At first he was able to completely distract me, and my shield snapped back down to normal size. After a number of attempts, I found that, now that my mind had hold of it, I could dissociate my focus again and allow the different parts of my mind to take care of the situation. I was able to manage it again. Thus engaged, the trip to the clearing passed quickly.

We arrived shortly before the appointed hour, and settled to wait around some large boulders – moraine left behind by the receding of the glaciers at the end of the ice age. The last time I was here, I was only able to see part way across with the dim moonlight before it subsided into shadow. I wondered if we were close to the spot where the Volturi had killed the newborn Bree and burned her body, or the larger pyre where the rest of the army was destroyed. I cast my eyes around, looking for scorch marks, but didn't see any. A little distance away was the rocky outcropping where I had sat with Jacob in his wolf form, watching Jasper teach the family. The déjà vu I felt was hazy, but still there, fluttering at the edge of memory. With the peaceful night sounds, if not for the apprehension I felt, this might have been a very pleasant evening.

After a while, impatient as always, Emmett broke the silence. "How much longer?"

"Right on time," Alice pronounced.

Emmett, Jasper, Eleazar, Edward and Alice casually moved closer to me. The butterflies in my stomach immediately began a mad dance and I could feel my breathing starting to quicken. I looked over at the rest of the family, whom I wouldn't be able to cover if things went wrong. Esme caught my eye and she gave me a gentle smile, as did Carlisle. Rosalie raised a single eyebrow at me but that was all. Kate and Tanya didn't seem to be particularly stressed, but they were more experienced than me. Still, it would be horrible if something were to happen to any of them because I couldn't take care of them. I gave a little shiver and Edward rubbed my back in reassurance.

Across the wide clearing from the northeast, the direction of Seattle, four dark shadows separated themselves from the distant tree line. As they drew closer I wondered why they bothered to wear the long dark cloaks. It gave them the appearance of gliding across the grassy field, but couldn't be practical in the long run. They wore their hoods up, obscuring their faces, but I figured the two slight figures were Jane and Alec, and the huge hulking one was Felix. Demetri would be the remaining one, tall and slender, but moving with lethal purpose.

They halted about fifteen yards from us. Jane, Alec and Felix let their hoods fall back from their faces. Demetri adjusted his hood so I could see enough of his face to recognize him.

"Hello, Jane," Edward spoke, his voice coldly polite despite the tension we all felt.

"Hmm," Jane's voice was as flat and bored as I remembered it and her face was the same. I wondered if she ever smiled. Then I realized the only time I had seen her smile was when she was torturing someone. "You seem to be expecting us." Her eyes flicked over at Alice.

"We thought it would be polite to meet you part way," Carlisle said. "What brings you to Forks?"

Jane's bored, half-closed eyes roved over our band, and widened in surprise when they reached Eleazar. "Eleazar?" She ignored Carlisle's question. "Why are you here?"

Eleazar allowed a thin smile to play across his face. "I've found greener pastures."

Jane's blood-red eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you mean, you…"

"Yes," he answered, curtly. "This life suits me."

"That's just gross," Felix rumbled under his breath, but not low enough we would miss it.

"The master wondered how you were getting along," Alec said quietly. "He recently began considering asking you to return."

A shrug of his shoulders was Eleazar's answer. "This life suits me," he repeated.

Felix turned his head toward me. "Hello, Bella," he said, nodding in what might be approval.

"Hi, Felix," I replied, not sure how else to respond.

"It looks good on you," he said with a smirk.

"Yes, I agree." Alec's little boy voice wafted over to us. His high-pitched tones made sense, since Aro had transformed him before his voice could change. I couldn't help comparing his facial features to Jane. They were physically similar, as would be expected of twins, but where her expression showed her irritation, he was rather calm, almost sedate.

"Uh, thanks." I kept my answers short so the nerves wouldn't show in my voice.

An edge of annoyance touched Jane's dull voice. "Yes, well then you must know why we are here." She turned her gaze on Edward, and I tensed briefly, ready to grab him at a moment's notice. "The conditions for you to leave Volterra alive were that you would give _her_ immortality." The way she said 'her' was an insult. I was reminded of what Eleazar had said about her personality, but wasn't quite sure how to behave around a supernatural pre-teen with sadistic tendencies.

"We're here to witness that you've fulfilled your part of the bargain." Jane's disinterested face turned toward me again, and her eyes glittered briefly with malice. "Be glad that you've done so. Caius was very interested in the outcome of our visit."

"When you see them, please convey my respects to Caius, Aro and Marcus," Carlisle replied with a slight bow.

"If you had contacted us beforehand and told us of your mission," Edward commented. "We could have sent you pictures and saved you the trip."

"Considering the size of the assemblage here," Demetri said. "one wonders what you might have imagined our mission would be."

"Our family just happened to be in Forks on vacation." Tanya smiled. "We came along to see who else was in town." She gave a coy downward sweep of her lashes at Demetri, who lifted an eyebrow in return.

Jane gave a disgusted huff. "Enough. We're done here." Then she glanced back at me and the corner of her mouth curled upward. Edward snapped out a growl, low in his throat, and Jane's smile disappeared into a glare. "Let's go!" she snapped.

Together the four turned in a swirl of dark cloaks and began to glide away without a backward glance. As I watched them recede across the clearing and disappear into the trees, I realized I had been holding my breath. With a palpable sense of relief, I exhaled explosively. That signal seemed to release everybody else, and laughter and cheers broke out from the family. Emmett caught up Rosalie and swung her around, his bass laugh booming about the clearing.

"Why were you growling at Jane as they were leaving?" I asked Edward.

The irritation was still on his face. "She was…checking. Fortunately your gift is still effective against hers."

"Good, I'm glad," I said with a shudder. "So, we're done now, right?"

"Indeed, we are!" Carlisle replied, with a broad smile. "Let's go home!"

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The heavy metal shutters on the house were rolled back, letting bright moonlight stream through the gleaming wall of glass, and the living room furniture was pushed back for a makeshift dance floor. Edward sat at the piano playing a boogie-woogie piece while Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie danced and cavorted in the cleared space. Carmen and Eleazar swayed at a more sedate pace, not in time with the music but they didn't seem to notice. Carlisle and Esme sat with Kate and Tanya watching the general merriment.

I stood next to Edward, bopping in time to the music with my hand on his shoulder. Not dancing, not me, but the mood was still infectious. For the first time in a long time, there was nothing hanging over my head – no doom coming to claim me. The inspection was passed successfully and the family was unharmed. I had fairly good control of myself, and Edward and I were happy together again.

It being me, I recalled some issues that marred an otherwise great buzz. A small spot deep in my heart couldn't be happy without wondering if Jacob was happy. Somehow it didn't seem right for me to be happy without considering him. Hopefully Leah would be able to hold things up on her end. And then there was the issue of my parents to deal with. I needed to delete the auto-email that was set to send in a couple days. There was also other work to be done. We needed to bring the computer equipment back up from the vault and set it up in the attic. Later. For now, we could take a little time for celebration.

Edward looked over his shoulder at me while he played and smiled. Even without looking, he didn't miss a note. "Happy, love?"

I sat on the piano bench next to him. "Pretty happy," I said with a sigh. "It's been a long time coming." Then as I thought about it, my face fell slightly. "Edward, we're going to miss Thanksgiving. This will be the first one I'll miss with my parents."

Edward gazed at me for a while, his expression sobering. His fingers slowed a little and the music shifted to something more sedate. "Is that what you were e-mailing them?" he asked. I nodded.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said softly. "I wish it could be otherwise but…"

I sighed, reached back and pulled the hair-tie off my pony-tail, letting the hair fall free. "I know," I said wistfully. "But that's life, now."

Edward continued to play, seeming to search for what to say. Then he gave me a half smile. "We could have a vampire Thanksgiving. It wouldn't be quite the same though. There's not enough blood in turkeys to be worth the trouble. And there are all those feathers to deal with."

His attempt to distract me worked, and I was briefly curious about how a turkey would taste. I wrinkled my nose. "Has anybody ever tried one?"

Before he could answer we were interrupted by the ring of the house phone. I felt a sense of dread once again – the sky was still dark and not yet hinting of the coming dawn. The only people who might call us at this time might be other vampires…or werewolves. I got up quickly and reached for the cordless phone.

"Cullen residence," I said.

"Bella? Is that you?" It was Jacob. I guess my voice sounded different to him over the phone now.

"Yeah, Jake, it's me. What's going on?" I braced myself, because it couldn't be good news that would make him call me at this time of morning.

"Are those other bloodsuckers at your place?" His voice was harsh with urgency.

"No, we met with them last night. They checked me out and left. I thought they were going home afterward."

"Well, they didn't. One of my brothers is dead, and he's got vampire stink all over him."

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_**A/N**: Sorry for the cliffie. I tried to cut it at a different place, but this worked the best for both chapters. I'll try to get the next one up soon. Meantime, love to hear what you think. What could Jane and friends be up to?_


	23. Chapter 22: Lupus Gambit

_**A/N**:I have the best readers! Thank you so much to everyone for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting! You make this trip so much fun!  
><em>

_My thanks to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. They help me to tighten things up and keep them moving in the right direction.  
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_And God bless _Katmom_! Her aptitude for the grammatitude keeps everything flowing. A toast! Huzzah! clink  
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__The inspection was done, and Bella passed with flying colors. All was well until...__

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters; we've just taken them to a masquerade. No copyright infringement is intended.__

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 22 – Lupus Gambit<span>

I stood in shocked silence with the phone stuck to my ear, unable to process what Jacob said for a moment. My senses vaguely registered that everybody's attention was riveted to me. When my brain started working again I could only stammer, "What? Who?"

"You never met Bradley. He's one of the new kids, just started phasing couple of months ago. He was out for a run northeast of the Rez when it happened."

"What happened?"

"We're not sure. The guys who were wolf at the time are still pretty shook up." Jacob's voice on the other end turned grim. "First we got this blast of pain like every muscle was on fire, then it all went black. No sight, no sound, no nothing. Then we couldn't hear him anymore. I ran up there with a bunch of the guys and we found him. His heart was torn out of his chest. There were at least three different vampire scents in the area. We followed the scent trail as far as we could go, but it ended at Puget Sound, heading to Seattle."

My stomach seemed to fall into my shoes as it hit me, and I sat heavily on the piano bench. "Oh my god," I breathed.

"You know what happened?"

"Not exactly, but it sounds like Jane and Alec were involved." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle pick up one of the other phones.

"Well, whoever it was, it's war now! You sure you don't know where they are?" Jacob's tone was sharp and accusing, as if I would know since I was one of the bloodsuckers.

"Honestly, Jake, I don't like them anymore than you do." I bristled at his insinuation and my voice rose. "But even if I knew I wouldn't tell you. More of you could get killed!"

Carlisle broke in on the other phone. "Jacob? It's Carlisle. Before you do anything rash, let me go talk to them and find out what's happening. There must be some kind of mistake."

There was an incredulous silence from Jacob's end. "You're kidding, right? They killed one of my brothers! On our land! They don't have a treaty with us, so it's open season on werewolves! What the hell else could be happening?"

"Please, Jacob, let me see if I can resolve this without further bloodshed."

"There's _got_ to be blood!" Jacob growled. "Theirs! You can't ask me to let this go!"

"I'm not asking you to let it go, but at least think for a moment, Jacob," Carlisle insisted. "Think about how easily Bradley was killed. Can you fight someone you can't see or hear? Alec is one reason the Volturi are invincible. He can incapacitate an entire platoon at once. Why do you think they only sent five of them to put down an army of twenty newborns?"

Jake seemed to think quietly as Carlisle's logic penetrated.

"Give diplomacy a chance, Jacob," Carlisle continued. "Your great-grandfather listened to me, and we've lived in peace for almost 80 years."

"Diplomacy! You're crazy if you think I want peace with them!" Jake's shouted reply caused the speaker phone to feed back for an instant.

Carlisle sighed. "All right, Jacob. At the very least, let us talk to them. Edward may be able to find what they plan to do, and you can be better prepared."

"Please, Jake, listen to Carlisle," I said. "It couldn't hurt. I'll call you once we know what's going on."

"Keep the pack together and safe. Don't let anybody run alone," Carlisle advised.

"Don't tell me how to lead my pack," Jacob growled again, but at least his tone wasn't as nasty.

He had to listen. There was no way they could stand against Jane and Alec. "C'mon Jake, please?" Before I could think, my voice took on a pleading tone and the words were already out of my mouth.

A stony silence greeted my words. "That card doesn't play anymore, _Bella_." Jacob practically spat my name at me.

I knew he was not yet over me, but that still hadn't prepared me for his response. My hand automatically went to my cheek as if expecting the flush. "I'm sorry, Jake," I whispered.

"Just 24 hours, Jacob," Carlisle interrupted. "That's all I ask."

"Fine, I gotta go talk to Billy and Sam. This isn't the end of this," Jacob said brusquely and hung up.

A pall of silence blanketed the entire family and for an endless moment we all stood frozen, a gallery of statues locked into varying expressions of fear and awe. The excitement and gaiety that filled the room not minutes before had evaporated like smoke before a strong wind. Almost as one, we turned to look at Alice and Edward. Edward gazed at me for a moment, strangely expressionless, before he, too, faced Alice.

Alice was shaking her head, sending her inky hair twitching. "I can't see anything about the wolves. I'm getting flickers of the Guard, but nothing involving them with the family."

"But what could this mean?" Esme's brow creased as she reached out to Carlisle.

Edward addressed Alice. "You knew about the wolves before you went to Volterra?"

Alice nodded. "Jacob was at Bella's house before we left."

"Then Aro knows about them, too," said Edward, his brow furrowed. "And if Aro knows, Caius knows."

"Caius hates werewolves," Eleazar spoke. "He was almost killed by one a thousand years ago. That was another one of the Guard's activities. We hunted werewolves in Europe to the point of extinction. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave Jane a secondary mission on this trip."

The Quileute legend of the Cold Woman invading the village and slaughtering tribesmen came to my mind. The thought horrified me because with Jane and Alec, the entire tribe could be easily killed off, werewolf guardians or not. "No! We can't let them do that!" I cried.

"We can't get involved!" Rosalie objected. "Who are we to go against the Volturi? They'll kill us!"

Carlisle held his hands up as if trying to separate us. "Girls, before we get ahead of ourselves we should find out what we're dealing with. Alice, can you see where the Guard is?"

Alice closed her eyes for a while. "I see them. They're not in Seattle; they're at the river near the treaty line. They're not on the reservation but they aren't too far away from the boundary. I can take you there."

"All right, I'm going to talk to them," Carlisle stood. "Alice? Jasper? Edward? Will you come with me? Bella, I'll need you, too."

Emmett spoke from where he sat on the living room floor. "You need more muscle. What about Eleazar and me?"

Carlisle considered it briefly, then shook his head. "No, son, we need a small enough group that Bella can cover. Too big a group and all the muscle in the world won't help. Besides, if we come with numbers equal to theirs, we're less threatening to them"

"Be careful," said Esme. Worry had long since replaced confusion on her face and she pressed Carlisle's hand as he turned to go.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Under Alice's guidance, we found the Guard in another small clearing, across the river from Quileute land on our side of the border. On the run, Carlisle suggested that the four of them would line up in front of me when we talked to the Guard. Then I would be able to extend far enough to cover all of them. However, with Jasper's skills, hopefully that wouldn't be needed.

As we drew closer to their location, Carlisle called out, not wanting them to think we were trying to sneak up on them. "Jane? It's Carlisle Cullen! We're coming to speak with you!" His shout rose up and echoed into the night sky. There was no answer but Alice was sure we were close enough to be heard.

Alice, Edward and Jasper lined up as Carlisle had directed, and I followed them closely. As we breached the trees, the four Volturi came into view. Jane and Alec stood off to one side of the clearing. Felix and Demetri sat on a fallen log. If I didn't know better it looked as though we had come across a number of campers. All that was missing was a campfire.

Jane spoke first. "Hello, Carlisle. I didn't expect to see you again." Maybe it was my imagination but I thought I detected a tinge of amusement in her voice.

"Neither did I," said Carlisle. "However, we received some disturbing news."

"What news?" asked Alec.

"A werewolf was killed in the area not long ago. Would you know anything of this?"

Jane glanced at Edward almost unnoticeably before answering. "Why don't you ask Edward?" she asked with disdain.

"They did it," Edward said, curtly. "Jane attacked him first and Alec immobilized him. Then Felix tore his heart out."

Felix chuckled deep in his chest, looking very pleased with himself. "At least he didn't feel anything."

"Is there a problem?" Jane seemed to have trouble hiding a smile.

Carlisle frowned deeply. "They're our neighbors and we live at peace with them. You're disturbing that peace."

Jane's mouth dropped open. "They're our hereditary enemies, why ever would you need to have peace with them?" Then her eyes narrowed.

"Unless you're not strong enough?" she speculated, almost to herself. "Fine," she gave a faint sneer. "We'll do you a favor and eradicate this problem for you."

Carlisle shook his head vigorously. "No, you don't have to do that. Just leave and I might be able to convince the pack to leave things alone. Maybe convince them it was just a mistake."

"Let them come," Jane scoffed, tossing her head. "Unlike you, we're not afraid of a pack of dogs."

Alec's piping voice broke in. "We'll be doing you a service. If they're not here, you don't have to worry about them anymore. You can come and go as you please, and eat what you like."

"But this is our territory, not yours." Carlisle pointed an accusing finger at them. "And our diet is our choice, not something dictated by our neighbors. That we choose to co-exist with them is our business. They've done nothing to deserve extermination."

"Actually, they have," Jane countered. "If you've been living in peace with them, that means the whole tribe knows of our existence. And that's against the rules. Technically, that means you broke the rules, too."

"But it's not the whole tribe!" I disagreed, over Alice's shoulder. I was having trouble holding onto my temper, as Jane and Alec seemed to be going out of their way to find a reason to attack the wolves. "They don't tell all the members of the tribe that they turn into wolves. They have as much of a secret to keep as we do!"

"That makes no difference. Once a secret is out, it can't be put away." Jane's voice was flat again as she flicked her hand dismissively. "The fact that they're our natural enemies is reason enough that they die."

"Does Aro know that you're here doing this?" Carlisle's voice was still relatively calm, and I didn't know how he managed it. I was seething. I hadn't had a rage episode in a long time and thought I should do something before I triggered one. Grimly, I clamped my teeth and started breathing slowly and deeply.

"Who do you think sent us to check if Bellawas human?" Demetri replied, but his eyes flicked in Edward's direction. He was evading something.

"Aro respects me and my choice of the way I live," Carlisle said sincerely. "He wouldn't command something that would cause difficulty for me and my family. I'm sure when I contact him, he'll agree with me."

Jane shrugged, and I wanted to slap the 'who cares' look off her face.

"You've done what you came here to do," Carlisle continued. "While you're visiting in our range, I expect you to respect the local customs. I'm sure Aro would like you to stop bothering the wolves and return to Volterra."

At this Jane smirked. "And if we don't?"

Carlisle paused, then said quietly, "Then we'll have to stop you."

"I'd like to see you try," Jane said, still smirking.

"We'll see." Carlisle turned to us. "Let's go."

"See you later," Felix grinned.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We returned to the house in grim silence. I started to ask Edward what he had heard but Jasper cautioned me to be quiet, not wanting to risk being overheard if one of them chose to follow us. I ran silently, trying to expand my senses as far as I could go to detect any signs of pursuit.

As soon as we arrived at the house, Carlisle went straight up to his office to try and contact Aro. The rest of us found the family in the living room waiting for us. The furniture that we had pushed back for the brief celebration had been replaced. Emmett switched the TV off.

"What news do you have?" Eleazar asked first.

"They did it," Edward replied. "Jane and Alec struck first, then Felix killed the wolf as it stood helpless. They weren't trying to hide the killing at all."

Silence reigned over the living room as they absorbed that news. Carmen looked especially unhappy and gripped Eleazar's shoulder.

"That's horrible," Esme exclaimed.

"What else did you pick up?" asked Emmett. Unconsciously or not, he stood next to Rosalie's chair, grinding his heavy fist into his palm.

"Jane has been getting her instructions a piece at a time." Edward scanned the room as he spoke. "When we met them in the clearing, her only instructions were to check on Bella. After they left us, she was ordered by Caius to kill a werewolf, then wait. Jane was trying to hide that information, but it slipped by."

"Wait? Wait for what?" Kate wondered.

Edward shrugged and shook his head. "That's the strange part; she doesn't know, and she's extra irritated because of it. But it wasn't a random killing, and Jane definitely knew about the werewolves."

"They weren't looking for a fight, though," mused Jasper. "I didn't need to manage them at all."

Carlisle walked downstairs into the living room at that moment. He didn't seem any more or less agitated than before.

"Without a direct e-mail address or phone number, the best I could do was to send a message to the Volturi address that you visited," Carlisle said. "I marked it 'personal' and 'urgent' and 'please forward.' Hopefully we'll hear from them soon."

Edward pursed his lips. "Should we even bother to wait?"

"I agree," said Jasper. "I think this has the signs of a deliberate campaign."

Emmett frowned. "Which signs?"

Jasper ticked them off on his fingers as he went. "First, Jane is receiving orders on a need to know basis. As one of the upper echelon of the Guard, the only logical reason is that they're trying to hide something from Edward or Alice. Second, she's not doing this of her own accord. She's getting orders from Caius. That means the Volturi are aware of her actions and condone it."

Eleazar nodded. "If Caius knows about it, can the other two be far behind?"

A hush fell over the room, and I edged closer to Edward. Esme took Carlisle's hand as he came to stand next to the couch where she was seated. Edward moved to sit at the piano bench and I followed him. The Volturi didn't do things without a reason, and I wondered what they would gain by killing a werewolf. Right now it seemed to me like they were poking at a beehive to stir up the nest. And it was working; both the wolf pack and my family were more than stirred up. But with what objective?

Jasper laid a hand on Alice's shoulder. "Were you also aware that you couldn't see the wolves before you went to Italy?"

"Yes." Alice's eyes were wide. I wondered what else Aro had seen in her memories.

Jasper grimaced. "I'm sure of it then. By involving themselves with the wolves, they make sure you're unable to predict what they will do."

"Should we leave?" Esme's voice was quiet. "It's horrible that they've killed a werewolf, but we still don't know that their intentions are aimed at us. We're still not involved. We could still leave now."

Rosalie groaned.

Alice sighed. "I don't think it matters that we're not involved right now, and it won't matter if we leave. They have Demetri with them. He can find us no matter where we are."

Rosalie turned on Alice's comment. "Alice, do you realize what you're saying? You're asking us to get involved in a war between the Volturi and the wolves. With them on either side of us, there's no way we would survive."

"Not between them," said Eleazar. "With them or against them."

"What?"

"The pattern is emerging again." Eleazar frowned, his hand on his chin. "The Volturi never move against any coven without just cause. Whether that cause was legitimate or not is debatable. Regardless, it makes sense why Jane has been ordered to attack, then wait. Do we side with them, or against them? Or do we stand aside and let them proceed as they will? Either way, you can rest assured they're waiting to see what we decide. Then if we give them just cause, they'll act."

Rosalie frowned at Edward. "You shouldn't have gone to Italy, Edward," she accused him. "We wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't been so selfish." My own forehead creased at that. Rosalie had conveniently forgotten the selfish role she had played when Edward had gone to Volterra.

"Rosalie, recriminations about the past do us no good," Carlisle chided her.

"That's not fair, Rose," Emmett rumbled. "Victoria was going to put her army together no matter what Edward did. Sooner or later the Volturi would have come here."

"But Aro wouldn't have seen Alice for himself, and wanted to come get her," Rosalie retorted. "There's no question. We can't be involved or they'll kill us like they killed the wolf!"

I felt my feet go numb as the full import sank in. The Volturi were involving us in some bizarre chess game. If we stepped in, they would have their excuse to kill us, and maybe capture Edward and Alice. But if we did nothing, they would kill off the wolf pack, and possibly Jacob's whole tribe. As much as I loved Edward and Alice, as much as I cared for Carlisle and Esme for standing in for my parents, as much as I loved Emmett as the grizzly bear of a brother I always wanted, I also couldn't stomach the thought of leaving Jacob's people to be exterminated. I felt a touch of anger at Rose for proposing it.

"How can we think of running away?" I asked. "Rosalie, we can't just turn our backs on the wolves. If they did the same thing in June, we wouldn't be here. The newborns outnumbered us twenty to seven, remember? How many of us would be gone if Sam or Jacob decided it wasn't their fight, and they sat on the sidelines?"

"It's different now, Bella." The toss of Rosalie's head sent a golden shimmer cascading down her hair. "Those were just newborns. We're talking about the Volturi now. Even if we have the same numbers as before, that's Jane and Alec out there."

I appealed to Jasper and Eleazar. "Isn't there any way to take care of those two? It's not right to just leave the wolf pack to be killed off. And you heard Jane; she said the whole tribe is in violation because they all know about vampires. She's talking about killing innocent members who don't even transform."

"Civilians," Jasper commented.

"That's right, civilians," I echoed. I appealed to Carlisle. "Please, we can't let innocents get killed because of us."

Carlisle pursed his lips, considering. "Rosalie does have a good point, Bella. Before, we were up against raw, untrained newborns. It was only a matter of having enough numbers then. Now we have to consider the power of the twins. What can numbers do against an enemy like that?"

I snuck a glance at Rosalie and she looked a little smug, while my heart sank.

"But, Carlisle, even if we leave, I don't think that will be the end of it," Edward spoke beside me. "Aro wants Alice. He had an image in his mind of holding her hand with his right hand, and holding my hand in his left. He loves to collect histories, and he could see all, and know all. The thought of that omniscience was intoxicating to him."

Jasper's arm drew protectively around Alice's slender shoulders.

"I realize that." Carlisle began to pace slowly about the room. He stopped before the huge windows and turned to face us. "But if the Volturi truly wish to take something we have, what would we be able to do to prevent it?

None of us could answer him.

"It goes against my grain to leave the wolves in their time of need, when they were there for us during ours." Carlisle raised his head and let his eyes rest on each of us as he spoke. "Long, long ago I made the treaty with Ephraim Black, not because we were weaker than they, but because I didn't think we should exist in a constant state of war. All life is sacred, even the lives of those considered our natural enemies.

"I still don't believe in violence unless there's no other way out. Last June, there was no choice. The army was coming for us and Bella. This time, we may have a choice. We need to think long and hard on the implications of those choices.

"Before we jump into anything, let's see what Aro has to say. He and I parted on good terms, and I hope he still values my friendship enough to intercede on our behalf. If there are any preparations you haven't made, now is the time. Until we hear back, it looks like the party is over."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The meeting began to break up after Carlisle's pronouncement. I wanted to speak with Jasper, but he was with Alice. He didn't say a word, and she sat looking up into his face. Then she nodded and he bent down to kiss her. Before I could stop him, he abruptly left through the front door.

Fortunately, Jasper's was not the only tactical mind in the house. Eleazar and Carmen were still sitting on one of the leather couches, conversing quietly. I walked over and sat down in the love seat across from Eleazar. He raised his eyebrows in query.

"Eleazar, can I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"You've known Jane and Alec the longest. Isn't there any way we can protect ourselves from them?"

Eleazar gazed into the distance for a while. When he looked at me, he spoke thoughtfully. "Their gifts work very differently, so it wouldn't be easy. Alec's gift moves slowly, and spreads out to cover an area." He spread his fingers wide and moved his hands outward like a widening pool of water. "The area he can cover is not infinite, so it's possible to stay out of the area of effect. Unfortunately, we never tested how far he could go, so that is an unknown. Theoretically, it could be possible to blindly walk and hope to exit the area he's covering. But it would be very difficult since you couldn't see where he is, and he can adjust to cover you.

"Jane's gift is very different." He chopped his hand onto his open palm. "Her effect is instant, and she can only affect one victim at a time. But Jane's gift works like mine, in that I must be able to see the person to read them. Likewise, if Jane cannot see the target, she cannot affect them. So it could be possible to stay hidden to avoid her."

"That's better than nothing," I said, somewhat encouraged.

"It's better, but it may not be enough," Eleazar said, his tone very serious. "These are only defensive tactics. They may enable us to avoid being incapacitated by the twins. But to drive them off will take offensive action, and that means exposing ourselves to them in order to attack." He looked me square in the eye. "Currently you're the only one of us who is capable of that."

"Me and anyone I can cover," I reminded him.

"There is that," he said, but he didn't seem too cheered by the thought.

I nodded and sighed softly. "I'm sorry things turned out this way. Do you think you'll return to Alaska?"

Eleazar took Carmen's hand and shrugged. "I couldn't leave you to face this alone. Besides, by now, Jane will have told Aro where I am. And now that I've been brought to his attention, I agree with Alice. What does it matter where I go? If Aro wants to find me, he'll have Demetri look for me."

I nodded glumly. "Carmen, I'm sorry I dragged you all into this." I couldn't stop apologizing. It seemed my bad luck wasn't limited to me anymore.

"There's no help for it now," Carmen said, then her lovely eyes glittered fiercely. "But if they come for my man, I will fight." At that Eleazar raised the back of her hand to his lips. Considering her pacifist leanings, that was quite a statement.

"I wish we could call the police," I said without thinking.

Eleazar gave a hollow laugh. "Bella, the Volturi _are_ the police."

He was right about that. I guess there was still some residual human thinking left in me. I was living in a different society now. Human society had organizations and rules set in place to govern itself. If we were in trouble, we could call on the police or firefighters for help. The military kept us safe from other countries. The Volturi were the closest thing the vampire underworld had to a government, and Carlisle had already called them for help. I just never considered the possibility of the government conspiring against my family. It was unthinkable. In a case like that there was nobody you could call. We were on our own.

With the feelings of impending doom once again rising in me, my eyes gravitated to Edward. He quietly closed the lid on the grand piano, then left the room and headed up the stairs. There was something in his expression that I couldn't place, whether sadness or anger I couldn't tell. As I sat there puzzling, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Alice.

"Something's bugging him," she said with a nod toward the stairs.

"How can you tell? Has he decided something?"

"No, just years of reading his face," she said, smiling. "Knowing him, it's something about you. Go on." She nudged me in Edward's direction.

Even with the uncertain threat of the Volturi causing a tense feeling in my stomach, Edward still came first. I excused myself and rose to follow his scent, the trail leading me to our room. One of Beethoven's symphonies was playing on the stereo, and Edward sat on the couch, looking out the window.

"Hey," I said softly.

Edward turned his head and managed a little smile. "Hello, love."

I walked over and settled down next to him, folding one leg under me as I took him by the hand. He seemed rather distant and sad to me. "You haven't kissed me in a while," I said. "Are you okay?"

A gentle chuckle rose out of his chest. "That's horrible. We'd better do something about that." He curled his other hand in the hair at the back of my neck and bent his lips to mine. I felt myself get a little giddy as he kissed me, but then somewhere during it, his lips started to move differently; that old edge of panic had returned.

I put a hand to his cheek and sat back. "Seriously now, something's bothering you. Is there something I can do?"

"I'll have you know, it's not unusual for me to go off by myself to think," he said with mild reproach. "I've often had to do that to get away from the ambient thoughts and voices. You just never were awake when I would do that. Coming to your house was as quiet as the deep woods as far as thoughts were concerned." He looked off into the forest again.

"You think I don't know the way you kiss by now?" I said quietly. "Alice said something was bothering you. Tell me, please."

Edward shook his head and a short, ironic laugh rose out of him. "I've been living with her too long. Shall we move out and find a place of our own? You might like having a little privacy."

If we came out of the current problems unscathed, the thought of having Edward all to myself with nobody around was appealing, but I enjoyed having a family, too. "I like having brothers and sisters now," I said.

The corner of Edward's mouth twitched. "Good. I'm glad I was able give you a big family."

"Was Carlisle really thinking of taking the family and running away?" I asked, wondering where we would go to, and how long it would take for the Volturi to find us again.

Edward paused before answering me, his fingers absently playing with my hand. "He usually says what he thinks. If Aro won't stop Jane, I think he's more inclined to stay and defend the wolves."

"Are you nervous about fighting alongside the wolves again? Last time you weren't in the thick of it, with everybody else."

"If it comes to that, I'm sure we'll be fine once again." Edward's tone was suddenly clipped, and I looked at him closely. That expression was on his face again.

I felt my eyes narrow as I thought back about the look he had given me earlier this evening. Then it dawned on me. "Something about the wolves is bugging you," I stated, sure of it.

"No, not the wolves," he said slowly, but he wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Something about…Jacob?"

He finally looked into my eyes for a long, silent moment before he turned away again. "You… you begged him to listen. It reminded me of how you were before…with him. It's been so long since you've acted that way, I began to think you were over him. I didn't want to say anything because I said you can have as much or as little of me as you want. But I admit that I was happier when I thought I had you all to myself for once."

I felt a stir of guilt that I was the source of his disquiet again. "That's bothering you the most, isn't it?"

His nod was barely noticeable as he sat looking out the windows.

"Please don't worry like this. I wanted him to listen to Carlisle and it just slipped out that way. It's really not like that for me anymore."

Edward gazed steadily out the windows, his eyes unreadable. "The last time we saw him, he was thinking about the time you went to visit him. When he was injured."

I froze, trying to recall any memories I had of that day. I hadn't thought of it in a while, so they didn't come immediately.

So quietly I would have missed it with human hearing, he whispered, "I don't know if he was throwing those memories in my face, or just reminiscing. But I could see your face as you said to him, 'How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?' You really meant it, when you said that."

Though my lips didn't dry out anymore, I licked them out of habit.

"He was wondering if you still felt that way, even though you had been turned. Even though you're married. I didn't think anything of it, until I saw you interacting with him tonight."

Finally, my brain started working again, and I realized what I needed to do. I reached up and turned his face to me.

"That was an eon ago, when I was human. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You heard him, didn't you? I don't have that kind of influence on him anymore."

Edward's jaw muscles were still tight, his eyes still sad. "When you were an inconstant human, maybe I could have counted on you forgetting him," he said. "But now your thoughts and feelings are as permanent as mine. The question is – how much has the love you felt for Jacob been implanted in your heart?" His voice faded on the last words.

I thought about how I used to be with Jacob. Once I started being honest about how I felt, I could see why I reacted the way I did. And Edward was right; I had only acted the way I felt.

Searching through my immortal memories of Jacob, I tried to examine the feelings I had at the time. Events were rather stressful, what with the fight between Jake and Sam, and then the test to prove I wasn't homicidal. I hadn't really had time to feel attracted to him. In fact, I felt mostly irritation for his snide attitude and for being an all-around jerk.

Then to compare, I looked Edward in the eyes, and thought about how he made me feel, hoping he would see it, too. There was no contest. "So far, in my clearest memories, there hasn't been much of him that's very lovable. And while it bothers me a little we're not on real good terms anymore, what I feel about him is nothing like what I feel for you. You're everything to me."

Edward didn't speak as he searched my face. Then a thin, hopeful smile touched his lips and he sighed, his sweet breath washing across my face. "You're sure about that?"

I nodded and edged closer to him. "If Jake was still off running around Canada, and not here with the tribe, it still wouldn't be right to leave them to die," I said. "But I'm one of you now and there's no going back. Even if he still felt that way, it doesn't matter." I spoke the words slowly, willing him to believe me. "I chose you. I married _you_. I only sing for _you_. And I swear to you, I'll never let him manipulate my feelings again."

He suddenly relaxed and I hadn't realized the tense pose he was holding. He brushed his hand across my hair and down my back, and leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose before pulling me closer, tucking my head against his chest and under his chin. "I'm sorry if I overreacted," Edward whispered.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but I couldn't see his expression. I raised my head to nuzzle the corner of his jaw, and he seemed composed again. "Never be sorry to tell me how you feel.".

His arm squeezed me tight for a moment, and he brushed his lips across mine. "And the same goes for you, love."

I settled back against his chest. Now that I didn't sleep, I was blessed to be able to spend every waking moment, contentedly nestled against him, listening to the rise and fall of his breath, enjoying the feel of his arms around me. Even with the specter of the Volturi hanging over us, we had a brief oasis of peace as we watched the dawning sun brighten the clouds and the surrounding forest.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Our interlude was eventually broken by the ring of the house phone. Judging by the amount of light in the sky it was around noon. We both sat up immediately when we heard Carlisle answer. When he put the call on speaker phone, we got up and rushed down the stairs. Other members of the family flowed into the room at the same time, somehow not bumping into each other, and I was reminded of flights of bats streaming from their cave into the evening sky.

"Carlisle, my old friend!" I recognized Aro's voice coming from the dining room. "It's good to hear from you after all these centuries! How have you been?" Quickly but quietly, we all found places in the room to listen. Jasper had also returned from his earlier errand.

"I've been well, Aro," Carlisle answered. "I practice medicine at the local hospital, and my family is prospering."

"Yes, I met some of your family earlier this year. How are Edward and Alice?"

Carlisle's eyebrows drew together slightly. "They're fine. They just recently returned home from a trip to Alaska."

"And young Bella? Is she immortal now?" Aro's tone seemed ridiculously eager to me.

"Yes, she was turned several months ago."

"Splendid! Is Edward still unable to read her mind?" Yes, definitely too eager.

Carlisle frowned. "Yes, that's not changed."

"And is she gifted in any other way?" Aro sounded like an excited child before Christmas.

Carlisle's eyes turned my way before he spoke carefully. "Not that we know of," he said. This might be the first time I had heard him lie, even if it was by omission.

The sound of clapping hands came from the speaker. "But she is still proof against his power! Marvelous! Caius will be pleased! You know he was curious, and sent some of our friends to visit you." Aro's voice dropped to a conspiratorial tone. "I told him he needn't be so hasty. Not even a year has passed since they came to visit. But he insisted. You know how he is." Aro laughed. I noticed Eleazar grimacing at that comment.

"Yes, I do know how he is," Carlisle said. "In fact, that's what brings me to contact you. Do you know that Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix are still here in our range?"

"Mmm, I believe you're right. Yes, I think that's who Caius was sending. They're still there?" Whether his surprise was faked or not I couldn't tell. Edward was frowning.

"Yes, they are. They killed a werewolf that was in the area. Was that also done on Caius' orders?"

"Werewolves! You have werewolves there?"

"Yes, we do. Did Caius order the Guard to kill them?"

"In a way," Aro admitted. "Long ago, Caius requested our friends to kill any werewolf they found. I'm afraid he does not like werewolves very much, and he never did ask them to stop. So I suppose it's still going on."

Carlisle set his hands on the dining room table and leaned in over the phone. "Aro, we have a treaty with these particular werewolves. We've been living in peace with them for the last eighty years. Your Guardsmen are endangering that peace for us."

There was a brief silence at the other end. "Peace with werewolves? How extraordinary!" I didn't know Aro's voice well enough, but it didn't seem sincere to me. "And you've managed to maintain your lifestyle all this time as well. Carlisle, you never cease to amaze me! How are you able to do it?"

"It's not that extraordinary," Carlisle replied. "We simply choose not to cause undue suffering or strife in the world. Violence is never the only answer."

"True, my idealist friend. But sometimes in this world, it is necessary. Very necessary." Was it my imagination, or did Aro's voice grow ominous?

"I have yet to see the situation where violence is the only solution. That's why I'd like you to contact your guards, and have them stand down. Return home. I may still be able to convince the wolves it was a mistake. But if the wolf killings continue, there's no way we'll be able to live here in peace with them."

Aro sighed. "I'm afraid that's quite impossible. They're simply following policy and performing a necessary service if you think about it: making the world a safer place for our kind. In Europe there hasn't been a vampire death due to werewolf attack in centuries."

"Please, Aro. Consider it as a favor to me?" Carlisle stared at the speaker phone intensely.

"Actually, Carlisle, it's not up to me." Aro's voice in apology seemed a little thin. "Caius is the one who gave those instructions, and if I know him, he's unlikely to rescind them. He truly hates werewolves, you see."

I could see the muscles in Carlisle's jaw beginning to tense. "You're putting me in a difficult position, Aro. The werewolves here agreed to co-exist with us because we were different than other immortals. If we stand by while they're exterminated, they'll see us as no better than those other vampires, and will turn on us."

"Well, then if Jane removes them that will solve the problem, won't it?" Aro purred.

Carlisle frowned in frustration, something we rarely saw on his youthful face. "Aro, you're asking me to condone genocide," he said, his voice rising. "I'm telling you that's not necessary. We've been fine with them for eighty years. Just leave them alone, for the love of God!"

"I'm afraid you'll have to take that up with Caius. If we make exceptions, it sets a bad precedent."

"Aro, please," Carlisle pleaded. "I have great respect for you, but if you stand by and allow your guards to slaughter innocent people, you're just as guilty as they are."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Carlisle." Aro sighed. "However, our policy is clear."

"Don't you and Marcus have as much say about this as Caius does?"

Aro's voice was urbanely smooth. "This is not a matter of jurisprudence, so does not require our involvement."

"Then let me speak with Caius."

"Certainly. I'll have him contact you as soon as he is available."

"Isn't he at the _piazzo_ with you?"

"He was called away on an errand. I'm sure he'll return soon, and I'll pass on your message."

Carlisle's lips peeled back slightly, exposing his teeth. "Thank you, Aro. Tell him it's very urgent. I would appreciate that."

"It is nothing. Goodbye, Carlisle. I hope that we'll see you again, sometime. In fact, I'd like to invite you and the rest of your family to come visit soon. We would so enjoy seeing Alice, Edward, and even young Bella, again. _Arrivederci_." Aro broke the connection.

Carlisle growled low in his throat, and we looked up, startled. It was the first time I'd seen him exhibit any kind of dark emotion, and from the looks around the room, the others were surprised too.

"He knows," Carlisle grated. "He knows but he won't do anything."

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_**A/N**: Aro, and Caius, and Jane...oh my... Where are they going with this? As always, love to hear your thoughts! :)_


	24. Chapter 23: Alliance

_**A/N**:You guys are the best! Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting! This effort is so enjoyable because of you!  
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_Many thanks to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. And _God Bless _Katmom_ for her eagle eye. Thanks for being there for me to bounce ideas around, and helping make this story better!  
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_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters; we're only taking a side trip with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Ch 23 – Alliance<span>

Pandemonium burst out as the sound of Carlisle's ominous words faded. Rosalie shouted that we should leave immediately. Edward growled that it didn't matter where we went because the Volturi were going to follow until they caught us anyway. Emmett exhorted us to go kick some Volturi butt. Alice sat in her chair with her hands over her ears, shaking her head with her eyes screwed shut as she tried to make sense of the tangled future. I wanted to jump to my feet and tell them we couldn't leave the wolves to die, but at the same time, the thought of the Volturi coming to kill us kept me frozen in my seat. Jasper looked shell-shocked as the mix of charged emotions struck him all at once.

"Jasper!" Carlisle held up his hands and his clear voice cut through the din like a pistol shot. Shortly after that the agitation eased as Jasper got control of himself and brought the family back down to earth. As I watched him calm them, I felt a hint of regret for my gift; I could have used some calming myself.

"I'm sorry I got excited, since we need to talk about this rationally. We won't get anywhere fighting amongst ourselves like a pack of wolves." A wry grimace crept onto Carlisle's youthful face.

"The way I see it, we have four options." He started numbering them on one hand. "One: pack up and leave. Two: stay and do nothing. Three: stay and drive off the Volturi ourselves. Four: stay and help the wolves defend themselves. If there are any alternatives I haven't considered, I'd be happy to hear them. Now let's try to discuss this calmly." He pointed to his right at Esme, and sat down.

"We should go. We can easily start again in another place," Esme said, her eyes on Carlisle's face, wide and pleading. "We still don't have solid proof that the Volturi intend to kill us. We don't need to risk the family."

"If we leave now, we can at least have a head start," Rosalie said next, but she didn't seem convinced of it.

"Be serious," Edward interrupted. "Demetri can find us no matter where we go."

"Please, Edward, one at a time," Carlisle said.

"Didn't you say that Bella could shield four of us the first time she tried?" Rosalie surprised me and I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "She must be able to cover more of us now, right? What if she masks our trail so we can get far enough away that Demetri won't be able to pick us up?

"Perhaps," muttered Eleazar. "But I think it would only buy some time. When Aro wants something, he's as patient as a spider. When you've lived a thousand years you'll see. He may not strike today. He may not strike for decades. But believe me, he won't forget."

"This doesn't need to be your fight," Carlisle addressed Eleazar. "You're our guests and I wouldn't think of exposing you to peril unnecessarily."

Eleazar acknowledged Carlisle's words with a single nod, then he crossed his arms over his chest. "It's no more than I feared. I can only speak for myself, because I know what the risk is for me. Aro is in love with power, and for him, talented vampires are power. He knows where I am now. If he's changed his mind about allowing me to leave, I can run if I wished, but to what end? One day…he'll find me." Carmen nodded at his side, her hand on his shoulder, her expression unhappy.

Jasper also nodded at Eleazar's assessment. "You know my thoughts on this. I'm sure this is part of a campaign. If the wolf killing were random, then maybe not. But it was deliberate and they knew of their existence beforehand. Why? I agree with Eleazar. They're aware of the treaty and they're waiting to see which side of the fence we fall on. If they truly came to rid the world of werewolves, they would have simply moved in and destroyed them. We'd be hearing the screams of dying werewolves right now if that was the case."

I suppressed a shudder at the mental images Jasper conjured – the Cold Woman rampaging through the Quileute village, dealing death everywhere. I doubted Jane would stop to investigate which tribesmen knew the secret and which were ignorant. What about the werewolves' imprints, or their family? Emily and Sue had been kind to me. Billy was like an uncle. We just couldn't let this happen.

"This was a feint," Jasper continued. "They're trying to draw a response from us, so they have an excuse. They've already decided to move against us, and this is all just a ruse to make it seem legitimate. If we do nothing, I wouldn't be surprised if they kill another wolf and another until we do something about it."

Kate spoke from across the table. "But are we insane? Are we really thinking of opposing the Volturi? When was the last time they lost a battle?"

Silence met her words until Eleazar spoke. "Early in their history, before Jane and Alec joined them, there were some losses. But afterward…never."

"What are we waiting for, then?" Rosalie gestured angrily from her seat. "If we stick around it's just like committing suicide!"

Finally, I couldn't keep quiet any longer. "It involves more than just us, Rosalie. If we walk away, they won't give up on us. Either all at once, or separately, they'll come for us until they get Edward or Alice. If we leave, you heard Aro. They'll kill off the wolves first and still come after us.

"All of you were around during World War II. Don't you remember what happened to the Jews? Six million innocent people were killed while the world watched. How could we stand aside and let that happen here, when we can do something about it?"

"It's easy to talk about something you've just read about in a schoolbook," Rosalie sniffed. "But those of us who lived through that time also remember what happened to the surrounding countries that stood against Nazi Germany: France, Poland, Yugoslavia, Romania and many others were all conquered. Millions of people in those countries were killed or put to work at slave labor camps. Even vampires were killed by the rain of bombs and the firestorms they started."

Rosalie pushed back some luxuriant blonde locks that had flown across her face during her impassioned words. "That's what you're asking for, Bella: for us to go to war. Think of the family. Are you willing to lose our family to a war with the Volturi?"

I looked down at my lap for a moment, momentarily embarrassed. Then the embarrassment flashed into anger that spurred me on. "No, I'm not," I said sullenly to the floor. "I'm scared to death of the idea. I'm scared to death of them coming for us." Then I raised my head and stubbornly met Rosalie's gaze. "But the wolves were there for us when Victoria tried to kill us all. Jane is planning to slaughter innocent tribesmen, as well as wolves. How can we not help them when they need us?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Who _cares_? They're mortal! They'll die anyway, and if we fight the Volturi, so will _we_!"

Carlisle interrupted our exchange. "They may be mortal but that doesn't make their lives worth any less. I've said that many times." The rebuke was unmistakable.

Rosalie looked at him and dropped her gaze. Her voice grew quiet. "So we throw our lives away for them? Don't you think this might be exactly what Aro wants you to do? If you side with the wolves, you give them justification to destroy us. We'll be traitors to our own kind."

"They intend to destroy us anyway. Or capture us." Edward spoke. "Do you remember what the newborn, Bree, told me? They're going to make something up even if we don't give them a reason. Besides—" Edward placed a hand on my shoulder. "I owe them for Bella."

"If we don't stand up to them now, they'll be back," Emmett growled. "I don't like werewolves any more than you, Rose. But if we band with them now, like we did in June, at least we'll have more numbers. What were there, ten of them? Eighteen against four are better odds than eight against four. And if we can take care of these four, the rest will be less effective if they come at us later."

Rosalie looked helplessly at Emmett, shaking her head slowly back and forth. Then looking at me she said, "This is all so…unnecessary. We could have avoided all this."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Alice? What do you think?"

Alice shook her head, her eyes wide with fright. "It's too scattered right now. Some of you have already made up your minds, and I can't see you." Her eyes flicked at Edward and me, and I realized what she meant. We had already made the decision to merge our fates with the wolf pack. "But the rest, I'm not sure—"

"What is it you see?" Carlisle asked gently.

She whispered so softly I had to focus to hear her. "I'm wearing a dark cloak. My eyes are red."

I gasped. Esme covered her cheeks with both hands, silently mouthing _no_. Jasper gathered Alice's trembling hands in his. "It won't happen," he said fiercely, his eyes blazing. "I won't let it."

"Maybe that's only the path you can see," Edward said, his voice soft as he tried to comfort her. "There may be other possibilities that are hidden. You once saw two paths for Bella, remember? And when we were working with the wolves in June, things were clouded for you, too."

"Maybe," Alice said, but she was still shaken. I was too; I couldn't lose her this way.

Carlisle thought for a while as he looked at Alice. His chin sat propped on one hand and occasionally he tapped the side of his face with his fingers. After a long silence, he coughed and leaned forward in his chair.

"You're my family, and over the decades, nothing has come to mean more to me. The thought of anything happening to you pains me. Many times in the past, we've had to re-locate to avoid discovery, because discovery would have brought the Volturi down on us.

"I've known Edward the longest of all of you, and between us we've only had honesty. It's not in Edward's nature to invent a tale of Aro wanting to take Alice and him back to Volterra.

"I also believe that we aren't being given a choice. Even if we stand on the sidelines and let the Guard kill as many werewolves as they want, it won't stop there. Sooner or later Aro would find another way to come at us.

"So our family is now threatened by the very organization that we thought protected our way of life. If I felt it would do any good, I would say we should pack up now, and be on our way. But something has changed in Aro, or perhaps he never showed this side to me.

"I've kept asking myself, 'why?' Why would he do such a thing? He never showed me this hunger for power when I lived with them. Maybe it was simply that I didn't have anything he desired at the time. I didn't find Edward until after I left Volterra, and Alice joined us not so long ago.

"My course is clear to me. We can run, but we would have to keep running. We have a number of residences where we can live, but sooner or later the Volturi would find them all. We would be nomads, like so many of our brethren. Would you be willing to live like that?" He looked at Rosalie as he said that. She returned his gaze uncomfortably for a moment before turning her head away.

"In my opinion, the best course is to join with the wolves. On moral grounds, it's not right to allow them to be killed. For selfish reasons, if we band together with them as we did in June, we'll have a much better chance than if we run now, and face the Volturi on our own later. We may still fail, but at least our chances at succeeding will be greater.

"To that end, I intend to offer my help to Jacob. If any of you wish to join me, I welcome you, but I won't ask you to do anything you feel is wrong for you. As much as I would hate to see any of you leave, if that's what you feel in your heart is the best course of action, that's what you should do. There'll be no regrets and no recriminations about it. Your happiness is important to me, therefore I've arranged things so you will be financially independent if necessary. It's the least…that a father can do for his children."

As Carlisle neared the end of his speech, his eyes passed over the six of us, a gentle smile on his lips. When his gaze caught me, the warmth that I felt welling up inside from the sense of love and belonging was great enough that, for once, I felt I really might be able to bear saying goodbye to my parents for good. But from the other side of my brain came a cold shot of fear at the thought of losing any one of my family, including Rosalie. Shards of ice seemed to be forming in my stomach. I could only manage a shaky smile in return.

"Do you need our help?" Tanya asked, breaking the silence in the room.

Carlisle blinked and shook his head. "I can't ask this of you. Aro doesn't know of your existence. Best of all, he doesn't know of Kate's ability, or I'm sure you wouldn't be safe either. They already know Eleazar is here with us, so that's his decision. I think perhaps it's best if you go back safely to Denali and don't attract their attention."

Tanya and Kate looked at each other, then put their heads together. Their whispers were not too soft for me to hear, but they spoke in Slovak. Eventually I saw Tanya nod. Kate and Tanya finally moved apart and Tanya spoke.

"All these centuries, we've lived in freedom." Her voice was calm and self-assured. "I keep my secret because it helps me live my life, not because someone tells me to. The Volturi have never bothered to show their faces in our mountains, and the idea that we must bow to someone, just because they say we must, irritates me."

"You don't need to ask. You're our family, too," Kate said. "We stand with you."

"I stand with Eleazar, so I stand with you," Carmen said quietly.

"Thank you, cousins," Carlisle said, simply.

Esme sighed and she placed a hand over Carlisle's, her eyes luminous. "I don't want to lose you," she said. "But if we don't have a choice in whether the Volturi come for us, at least we can choose the time when they come for us. And heaven help us when they do." She lifted her chin bravely, but the fear in her voice was heartbreaking. Carlisle put his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. At this point I didn't think anything he could say would ease the enormity of our situation.

By now, Rosalie was the only one left in the room who had not thrown in for the wolves. She looked around the room quickly, hoping to find a face sympathetic to her cause but there was no one, not even Emmett. Finally she shook her head and looked down at her clasped hands. She exhaled loudly and stood up. "Heaven help us is right," she muttered as she stalked out of the dining room.

Emmett raised his shoulders helplessly and pushed his chair back. "I'll talk to her," he said dubiously. As he left to follow Rosalie, I thought it more likely that she would talk to him. On the one hand it concerned me because she would probably talk him into leaving with her, and we could use all the fighters we could get. On the other, I felt relief for them that they had a more secure future than we did.

After Emmett left the room, Carlisle opened the line on the speaker phone again. "I'm calling Jacob," he announced. "They should be awake now."

The phone rang a few times before it was picked up. "Hello?" Billy's gruff voice answered.

"Hello, Billy, it's Dr. Cullen. Is Jacob there?"

"He's still asleep," Billy answered. "They ran an extra patrol after they found Bradley."

"That's fine, what I have to say concerns you, too. We talked to the Volturi guardsmen last night."

Billy paused. "I'm listening."

"They killed Bradley intentionally," Carlisle said, almost apologetically. "They know that members of your tribe turn into werewolves. They also know that we have a treaty with you, and they've decided that your tribe knows too much about our kind."

"And that means…" Billy left the question hanging.

Carlisle's jaw muscles worked as he considered his words. "They mean to destroy your tribe," Carlisle finally answered.

Billy's silence on the line spoke volumes. "Thanks for letting me know. I think Jake will want to hear this."

"Billy, wait. We'd like to help if we can," Carlisle said. "Ten of us added to your numbers would make for better odds, don't you think?"

"That would be good of you. But would it be wise?"

"I think we can be of mutual benefit to each other. Can we meet at the boundary line to talk?"

Again, Billy thought for a moment. "You've been to my house before. Just come on by."

"Charlie sometimes comes to your house, doesn't he?" Carlisle asked cautiously. "Maybe we should meet somewhere else. As far as he knows, Bella and Edward are on the east coast."

"Hmm, good point," Billy replied. "We have a meeting place out on the cliffs. Bella should know where that is."

"I was thinking to bring some others of my family, is that all right? Jasper and Eleazar would be very helpful with tactics and intelligence," Carlisle added. "I'd be happy to re-negotiate with Jacob if you'd prefer."

"Hmm, they haven't been on our land before, have they? Yeah, you need to talk to Jake," Billy mused. "I'm okay with it but it'll need to be official. I'll go get him." There was a loud clunk as he set down the phone.

I had to say this for Billy, since Carlisle had nursed Jacob back to health, Billy had put aside his old prejudices and accepted Carlisle just like any other doctor. However, officially we still had the treaty to observe, and it certainly didn't allow for large gatherings of vampires on Quileute land.

Carlisle muted the speaker phone and spoke with us quickly. "If we go down to talk with them, I'd like Edward, Jasper, Eleazar, Bella and Kate to come with me. All right?" He glanced around the table, and received nods all around. I was a little surprised that he had included Kate and me. The boys I could understand, since they were going to talk strategy.

We heard the phone get picked up again, and when Jake spoke I felt a little sorry for him. He sounded like he had just fallen asleep when Billy woke him.

"Yeah?" he croaked.

"Sorry to wake you, Jacob, but this is serious," Carlisle began. "Did Billy tell you what we had discussed?"

"Yeah, I got most of it," Jake said, but he didn't sound fully awake yet.

"We'd like to help against Jane and Alec if we can."

"_We_? Who's _we_?" His voice was still gravelly.

"Myself and as much of my family as will come to help."

"We don't need your help." Now Jake seemed to come to life and the sneer in his voice was unmistakable. Then we heard Billy's voice in the background reminding him how easily Bradley had been killed. "Dad, shut up for a minute!" Jacob snarled, and he muffled the phone. For several minutes we heard the garbled sounds of an argument, coming as if from underwater. Suddenly the line went dead.

I looked at Edward, my brows knitted in concern. It never occurred to me that Jacob might refuse our help. And if the wolves wouldn't work with us, how would we fare against the Volturi on our own? How would the wolves manage to fend off Jane and Alec? For that matter, why was he refusing our help? I knew Jake was proud and stubborn, but he was the chief, now. He had to think of the safety the tribe.

Edward's quiet words broke through my thoughts. "Carlisle? What's plan B?"

Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "None of the options were ideal. If Jacob refuses our help, we have one less. Do we simply watch them get slaughtered? We can still run, but we'd merely delay the inevitable. Jasper? Eleazar? Any ideas?"

Eleazar pursed his lips and frowned, but didn't answer.

Jasper shrugged. "Nothing foolproof," he said. "We could attack them independently, but doing so without coordinating with the wolves would be risky. If they decide we're a threat and attack us while we're engaged with Jane, we'll be in trouble. Against the Guard, the best I've got involves getting Bella close enough to take out Jane and Alec. But against two forces, the odds would be bad."

A low growl rose from Edward at Jasper's suggestion that I act like a warhead aimed at the Volturi. I rubbed his shoulder to soothe him. "Hey, I can take care of myself, too, remember?" I whispered to him. He rolled his eyes at me but at least the growl subsided.

I heard raised voices coming from upstairs — Emmett and Rosalie were arguing. This wasn't good. Already the situation was starting to tear the family apart. Jasper might be able to keep them calm, but that wouldn't help if someone decided to leave. Not that Carlisle would keep someone against their will. He was no Aro.

Just then the phone rang. Carlisle answered the phone and put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"We'll see you at the place on the cliffs in about an hour," Jacob's voice answered. Then he abruptly hung up.

"Well, that was rude," Kate said. A frown darkened her usually calm face.

"That's Jake," I said with a sigh.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We crammed the six of us into my truck and drove down to the reservation. The sky was overcast with faint hints of rain, but nothing unusual for Washington. Jasper hoped meeting during the day would keep the Volturi from attacking, since there was a greater risk of detection. Edward checked with Alice to see if we might run into Charlie down at the reservation. Unfortunately she wasn't able to see any of us clearly, so we would have to be careful.

Since we were going to be out in the daytime, I had pulled on a jacket with a hood. I also applied a dose of Kate's ointment. Billy was a tribal elder and if any other full humans were there, it wouldn't do for me to attack them while we had a council of war.

My feelings were mixed about going down to La Push. I had mostly enjoyed my visits there, but it would be the first time visiting since I'd been changed. While Jake had been fairly well behaved the last time we saw him, I never knew what kind of drama might be percolating in his head. And considering the last talk Edward and I had regarding Jacob and me, I was a little apprehensive about being around Jake where Edward could see me. I'd have to control myself better out of consideration for his feelings.

My fuzzy human memories helped me find the meeting place, not far from where the La Push kids would cliff dive. The last time I had been here had been an evening of folklore and magic at the tribal bonfire. Today's visit was unlikely to be as pleasant.

I parked the truck at the base of the trail and we climbed out into the misty afternoon. After checking that we were unobserved, we ran swiftly through the trees to the meeting place. The clearing was roughly forty-yards across, with a fire pit in the center. Jacob, Billy, Sue Clearwater, Sam, old Quil Ateara, Seth, Leah and Paul were already there waiting for us. A small pile of logs crackled heartily in the pit.

Carlisle stepped carefully to the edge of the clearing and greeted them. "Thank you for meeting with us. I know this isn't what our last agreement allows, but Billy and I felt this was an emergency situation."

Old Quil answered first. His voice was a faint and gravelly tenor, but his eyes still looked out sharply from his wizened face. "Our kind is not easily killed, even a cub like Bradley. The fact that he was—" Quil shook his head. "This is serious. We welcome your words." He opened his arms wide, inviting us into the circle. We followed Carlisle and sat down on the various rocks and driftwood logs that surrounded the fire pit.

"You're correct. This is very serious," Carlisle began. He repeated for the elders what we knew, our reasoning as to why this was not a random killing, and what we thought the Volturi intended to do. As he spoke, I watched the faces of the assembled tribe members. Jacob held his face stiff and still with hardly a change in expression, his brows drawn together and his lips set. Considering the argument he had with Billy, maybe he didn't like being overruled. Every so often I saw him glance at Edward and his eyes seemed to darken with anger.

Old Quil shook his head as he listened. Along with Billy, he was among the last to see members of the previous pack transform. But those had been peaceful years, living alongside the Cullens. Now the stories of war with the vampires were coming back to life.

Sam, though concerned about the situation, was as outwardly calm as he normally was. Sue seemed a bit more fearful to me, and sat with her brow furrowed, clutching a blanket about her shoulders. That was understandable since both of her children were in jeopardy. Billy had already heard what Carlisle reported, so had time to process. He scanned the faces of the other elders, gauging their response. Once in a while, Leah caught my eye. She seemed to divide her time between watching Jacob and me. Her eyes narrowed when she saw me observing her. Leah's hair, while cut short, didn't detract from the natural beauty of her face. Her skin was flawlessly tanned, and she had the classic Native American eyes and high cheekbones. I couldn't help thinking that if she weren't a werewolf she might make a vampire lovelier than Rosalie.

"So that's the situation as we see it," Carlisle concluded. "Since your tribe was there for us in our time of need, we felt we should be here now that you're threatened."

Jacob folded his arms across his chest, a slight sneer touching the corner of his mouth. "But it doesn't hurt that you're saving your own skins in the process."

Unaffected by the slight, Carlisle answered openly. "I'll be honest, that element did factor into my decision. But the odds are better for both of us. Twenty to four is better than eight or ten to four."

Jacob surveyed the elders. They seemed to be in agreement, with no one shaking heads. Quil had a concerned frown on his face but didn't disagree. Jake turned back to Carlisle. "All right, how do you want to work this? What can you do that we can't?"

"At the very least, we don't need to sleep. So we can keep watch and give members of your pack time to rest," Carlisle said. Quil and Billy nodded in agreement. "Edward can hear their thoughts, so should be able to provide early warning. But more than that, Bella can protect you from Alec and Jane.

"Do you remember what you felt when Bradley was killed? That incredible pain followed by the absence of any senses? That was Jane and Alec, and they're the reason why he was killed so easily. Bella isn't affected by them, and she can also shield others from their powers."

That statement drew some murmurs and expressions of surprise. Even Jacob looked at me more closely.

Paul spoke up. "Hey, _we_ had to take care of _Bella,_ before. She's not going to be much help if we have to protect her _and_ us at the same time."

Eleazar gave a low chuckle. "You'll be surprised at what she can do now."

Sam ignored Paul. "This thing that Bella can do, how does it work?"

"It might be easier to understand if we show you," said Carlisle. "That's why I asked Kate to come along. Bella? Kate? Could you show Sam what we mean?"

Kate and I stood, while Sam ambled around the fire pit.

"Kate has an electroshock touch, but it works in the mind like Jane or Alec's powers. Kate, just a little bit, please. Sam? If you would take Kate's hand, please?" Carlisle waved Sam over toward Kate.

Kate held out her hand. Sam hesitantly reached for it. When they touched, his arm jerked and he pulled his hand back with a hiss.

"That's the lowest I can do," Kate declared. "Bella?"

I stepped up next to Sam and placed a hand on his bare shoulder. Like the flowing of water, I felt my field infuse his body. He winced a little at my cold hand but held his ground. Kate reached out again, but Sam hesitated. "Go ahead and touch her," I said, trying to make my voice encouraging. "It'll be all right."

Sam glanced at me before raising his hand again. This time he clasped Kate's hand and held it.

"Feel anything?" Kate asked. Sam shook his head. Kate's brows knitted together for a moment. "This is my full strength, now. If Bella wasn't blocking me, you'd be on the ground."

"You're right, I don't feel anything," Sam said, a little bemused. "Let me see…" He pulled his shoulder away from me.

"No, Sam– !" I cried out and tried to reach for him – too late.

Sam fell to the ground convulsing, lips pulled back in a grimace of pain, still gripping Kate's hand as if he were unable to release a live wire. Kate let go and he stopped shaking, but a sudden growl came from across the campfire. Paul was already in mid-phase, shaking as if he would fall apart.

"Paul! Get a grip!" Jacob yelled, but it was too late. Paul exploded into wolf form and launched himself at Kate.

Without thinking, I jumped in front of her and intercepted Paul, shoving him from the side. He was so fast he still pushed me back, and I fell to one knee, but succeeded in directing most of his energy aside. The speed of his charge was so great he flew easily into the trees surrounding the clearing, legs and tail flailing the air for balance. Luckily he didn't hit anybody, flying through the opening between the vampires and the tribe.

I leaped out of the circle to make sure Paul wouldn't endanger the people around the bonfire. I might have heard a shout behind me but I was too focused to see who it was. A crackling of leaves told me someone was beside me, and in the fractional glance I spared, saw it was Edward on one side, and Jacob in wolf form on the other.

The snarls coming from the trees announced that Paul hadn't calmed down, and he burst into the clearing again. Jacob growled and barked, but Paul ignored him and came straight for me. I crouched in preparation, but before he could get close, Edward flashed forward and tackled him and they rolled, over and over. Quickly, he worked his way to a hold around Paul's neck, and hung on doggedly while the wolf shook his head like a terrier, flinging Edward's legs back and forth. Some cloth ripped, accompanied by a shriek like nails on a chalkboard. All the while, Edward kept talking.

"Settle down, Paul. I'm not going to hurt you. Come on, ease off, it's okay, now. Sam's okay, now."

Jacob began to crouch and the muscles bunched up under his russet fur. Not sure if he was going to jump in to control Paul, or gang up on Edward, I reached out and grabbed his tail.

"Jake, we gotta calm Paul down. We're supposed to be working together now, remember?"

Jacob glared back at me with lips pulled back, and he snapped at me, pulling his tail out of my grasp. But when he turned back to the struggle, a rolling snarl and a string of barks sounded from him. I needed no translation; Paul's ears went down immediately and he seemed to sag, letting Edward get his feet back under himself.

"Paul, I'm fine," Sam called out, as Kate pulled him to his feet.

Paul's eyes rolled toward Jacob, then Sam and then he closed his eyes, though his flanks still heaved with quick breathing. Edward let him go and stepped back, watching for a quick lunge, but Jacob's command held. I spared a glance at Jasper, and saw that he was focused intently on us, calming those who could be calmed. After a while Paul's breathing slowed and he opened his eyes. Still growling quietly, his hackles still raised, he shook himself, then trotted in back of the elders and sat down, his muzzle towering over the seated tribesmen.

I went quickly to Edward's side. "Are you okay?" I asked, and was rewarded by his quick smile and a nod of his head. I gave him a quick once over and saw what had ripped. "Oh! Your pants are torn!"

"It's nothing," he commented with a shrug, then pulled me gently back to the meeting.

"Well, I see what you mean. On all counts," Sam said, looking meaningfully at me.

"It's daytime!" Sue hissed at Paul over her shoulder. "We're out in the open! What if you were seen? Change back!" Sue handed him the blanket she had been wearing across her shoulders. Paul took it in his teeth and padded off into the woods, his ears and tail down, the canine picture of embarrassment. Billy threw a pair of shorts that Jacob caught in his teeth, and he also went off to change.

I took the opportunity to brush some dirt off Edward's jeans and pull aside the ripped cloth to examine his leg. Fortunately, there was no sign of damage from Paul's claws, only smooth skin under my questing fingertips.

"See? Not a problem." Edward nudged my shoulder and gave me a wink.

I gave a relieved chuckle, and scooted closer on the log so I could lean into him. Automatically his arm went around my shoulder and I wormed my way into my customary space.

Soon, Jacob and Paul returned to the meeting. "All right," said Jacob, back to business. "That's all good, but we have more than one wolf in the pack, remember? How can Bella protect all of them?"

"She can't," Eleazar said, quite plainly. "So we'll have to consider tactics fairly carefully."

"How have you been arranging your defenses?" asked Jasper.

Sam and Jacob glanced at each other. Begrudgingly, as if he were divulging secrets, Jacob spoke. "We divide into groups and patrol different areas. Bradley was running alone, so we're making sure we have running buddies."

"How many are there in each group?"

"Three or four."

"And how many groups?"

More silence.

Billy cleared his throat. "It's all right, Jake, they're working with us now."

Jake sighed. "We were running four," he said reluctantly. "We're a little odd-numbered now."

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "You had sixteen members?"

"Yeah."

Jasper gave a low whistle. "I'm sorry about Bradley. But that does give me some ideas," he said. "Our main objective is to take out Jane and Alec. If we can do that, the other two are straight fighters. Strong fighters, but they wouldn't even be light entertainment for your pack."

Paul bared his teeth at that. Back in human form, he had returned to the circle, wrapped more or less modestly in the blanket.

"Jane has to see her victim to affect them," Eleazar said. "That makes her very dangerous. But she does have limitations – she can't see everywhere."

"Exactly." Jasper bared his teeth in a savage grin.

"Nice," Edward muttered.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jacob's annoyance washed over all of us.

Jasper focused on Jacob. "I say let them come to us. If we can draw Jane into a trap where we can come at her from all sides, there's no way that she can affect us all. She can't see behind her to focus her gift."

"Would that work for Alec?" Carlisle asked.

"Hm, not in the same way. But –" Eleazar frowned as he thought. "Now that I think of it, he must be able to direct his gift. On all the missions where I saw him in action, he only affected the enemy in front of us. None of us behind him were ever touched. I can't guarantee that he can't project in all directions, but his gift moves more slowly than Jane's. So if we can get him to direct his power forward, we should also be able to hit him from behind before he can adjust. With this many, we should be able to overwhelm them with numbers.

"The thing to remember is that their powers are all in your mind. They can't actually do anything to your body," Eleazar said.

"Small comfort if their buddies rip your heart out while you can't do anything," Jacob grumbled.

"True. Alec seems to be able to control who he affects. But he's no fighter. He hasn't had to be with his advantages." Eleazar gave a thumbs down, dismissing Alec's fighting prowess.

"That's what I saw," Edward spoke up. "In the thoughts I have from them, Alec kept control of Bradley. But Felix was able to get close enough to kill him and wasn't affected."

"Therefore, we must take advantage of the speed of his gift," Eleazar continued. "Re-direct him and strike from the direction he doesn't expect."

"So here's what I'm thinking," Jasper continued. "We organize into small roving patrols between the Volturi and La Push. Keep the perimeter small and don't range too far away. If any patrol is attacked, try to retreat toward La Push, to draw them in deeper. Everybody else fold in and surround the attacked force. If the original attacked force can hold Jane and Alec's attention long enough, the flanking forces should be able to hit them from behind.

"If you see Jane first, keep to cover. If she can't see you, she shouldn't be able to affect you. Call out your location to Jacob, and head toward reinforcements. Hopefully, they'll follow and we'll be able to close in behind them."

"How, exactly, will you work with us?" Sam asked Jasper.

"We currently have ten. We could divide into patrols and add them to yours. Six or seven patrols would be better than four."

"That'd be a really good idea," Jacob scoffed.

"You don't think vampires and werewolves can run side-by-side," Edward's comment was a statement, not a question.

"We're going to be hunting vampires." Although he was the same height as Edward, he seemed to look down his nose at us as he spoke. I really didn't care for Jake when he was like this. "We use scent a lot when we hunt, and if you're running the same paths as us, your patrols will be confusing the scent. We may not be able to tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy. We might miss them if they come across, or we might hit one of your patrols. Still think that's a good idea?"

"Hmm," Jasper mused. "That's a good point. We wouldn't want any 'friendly fire' accidents." He pursed his lips for a while. "You all memorized our scents from before. Would you be able to recognize us?"

"If we have enough time, sure. But when you're out there, sometimes you need to make a decision in a hurry. When we fought the newborns with you last time, we separated. We took one group and you took another, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Jasper muttered. "Would visual cues help?"

"How do you mean?" asked Sam.

"The Volturi tend to wear dark clothing or cloaks. If we wear something else would that help? A uniform of some kind?"

"I don't know," said Jacob with a shrug. "It's your neck."

"Hmm, maybe we'll try something else." Jasper picked up a stick and started drawing in the dirt. As I looked closely at it, a rough map began to form. Gradually I recognized the peninsula where La Push was located, bounded by the Quillayute River and the Pacific Ocean. "Tell me what you think of this. When you're patrolling, you would either cross the trail of the Volturi where they come in, or see them. What if we establish a perimeter of sentries around La Push, at locations with good visibility. Your squads patrol just outside that perimeter." He poked the ground at even intervals surrounding La Push, indicating the sentries.

"This way, if the Volturi make a move after a patrol has passed, the sentries will spot them. Several roving patrols in the area will guarantee that enough forces are nearby. And if we are stationary as sentries, it will keep our scent from confusing your patrols. Edward and one of your members can help coordinate forces in case of attack."

Sam and Billy nodded in approval. Jacob didn't show any outward signs positive or negative. "What if they split up?" he asked.

"I think it most likely that the Volturi will stay together," Eleazar said. "Their power is multiplied when Jane and Alec coordinate. And, with only four, it wouldn't make sense for them to spread out to try to take on your entire pack. However," Eleazar held up a finger. "If their intent is simply killing wolves, they won't try to break through or mount an offensive. If I were them, I'd try to pick off individuals if possible."

"How about during the day?"

"It should be different during the day," Carlisle said. "The Volturi still have their rule of remaining undetected. They would be less likely to attack during the day, since more humans are out and about, and might notice the commotion of a battle. We can continue sentry duty at that point, and let your pack rest."

"So where's Bella fit into this?" Jacob half-growled.

"You've seen that Bella can shield others from mental powers. She's also immune herself. If one of the patrols is attacked, she can pull them to safety. Once out of range of Jane or Alec, the patrol can pull back and try to draw them into our trap."

"Yeah, but by the time she gets to the patrol, they might be dead already."

Jasper acknowledged that point with a nod. "If you're looking for guarantees, I'm out." He paused, with one eyebrow thoughtfully raised. "Here's another alternative. Bella can also extend her gift, and protect a small number without touching them. If she were to run with one of the patrols, she'd be right there if the patrol was attacked. But that leaves the other patrols exposed.

"I admit that none of these plans are foolproof, and they're definitely not set in stone. Let's try it this way, and see how the Volturi react. Coordination and quick response will be the key. In the beginning, err on the side of caution and retreat quickly. Once we have a chance to observe their tactics we can make further adjustments."

Jacob and Sam exchanged a long look, before Sam gave an almost imperceptible nod. Jacob stood, squared his shoulders and stepped forward, his hand outstretched. "We always seem to be working _with_ vampires these days, not killing them."

Carlisle rose and shook Jacob's hand. He smiled bleakly. "If things work out, this will be a temporary situation. And you'll be able to kill _some_ vampires."

"I'll shake on that."

"Good," Carlisle said as he and Jacob dropped hands. "We'll go and collect the rest of my family."

"Obviously, for us to be working together, the boundary lines don't apply anymore," Billy said.

"Thank you for your help," wheezed Old Quil. "We've not trusted each other much in the past. But I begin to think that we have more to learn from each other, than we have to fear."

Carlisle smiled. "I think Ephraim would have been surprised to hear that. But maybe he would have been pleased." Old Quil's eyes seemed to scrunch into his head as he smiled and nodded his agreement. Sue stood and helped the elderly man to his feet. Jacob moved to the back of Billy's wheelchair, and the meeting began to break up.

"Carlisle, I think you should bring some tents since we're going to be here for a while," Jasper said, and glanced at Jacob and the Quileutes. "There may be days that we need to stay out of sight, and I don't know if the tribe would care for us hiding in their homes." He drew a few chuckles and wry smiles with that comment.

"Also, I'd like to get the lay of the land. Jacob, would you mind showing me what we'll be defending?"

"I'd like to observe as well," said Eleazar.

"Sure." Jacob thought for a moment. "It'll be easier if I run as a wolf. Maybe _he_," Jacob jerked his thumb at Edward. "Should come to translate."

"All right," Edward agreed.

"Sorry, Paul. Are you okay taking my dad back?" Jacob, I noticed, didn't like to give commands, preferring still to ask.

Paul shrugged. "Sure, no problem." He turned his back for a second to secure the blanket around himself.

As we stood to leave, I squeezed Edward's hand and pulled his head down to me. "Will you two be okay?" I whispered into his ear.

"I think so," Edward replied. "He's still not my biggest fan. But the elders convinced him to think of the good of the tribe."

"Okay. Should I go home and pack some of your things? Maybe bring another pair of pants?"

"Um, talk to Jasper about that," Edward said with a raised eyebrow. He kissed me quickly and stepped back as Jasper addressed me.

"Bella, when you get home, there are a number of duffel bags in Alice's room. Could you bring those back please?"

"Sure," I answered, a little puzzled. "What's in them?"

"Uniforms. I thought we might need them. Some radio equipment as well."

Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You really miss the army, don't you?"

"Sometimes." Jasper gave a small smile, though his eyes were serious. "There's a reason I was the youngest major in the Confederacy. Come on, Jacob's waiting."

Edward raised the back of my hand to his lips. "Hurry back," he said to me as Jasper hustled him away. At the edge of the clearing, Sam, Eleazar and Jacob waited for them. Jacob looked away quickly when I caught his eye.

Carlisle, Kate and I went back to the truck. When we were halfway back to Forks, Kate asked me if I was feeling okay. I realized then that I hadn't said a word since we left the gathering.

As I thought about it, I knew what it was; I tended to relax a bit in Edward's presence. Now, away from him, all the worries started to demand attention again, crowding around me like demons and sucking the strength out of my mind. Part of me couldn't believe I was doing this. I was getting ready to go to battle against a power that was ancient before I was born. Jane seemed to hate me for some reason, but at least she wasn't able to affect me, so that was a comforting thought.

The experience of fighting with wild animals had shown me that I was made of tougher stuff than before. The months of training and sparring had made me more comfortable with the idea of fighting, and my experience with Emmett – the biggest, baddest vampire I knew – had given me a little more confidence in my abilities. But it wasn't for real. The Volturi Guard weren't going to stop if they broke through my defenses or secured a hold. Maybe for Edward or Alice, because they wanted them alive. But not for me. I clenched my stomach against the sensation of crawling ice fingers.

"I guess I'm a little nervous," I admitted.

"We all are," said Carlisle.

"Then I'm more than a little nervous. I'm scared to death."

Kate placed a hand on my shoulder as I drove. "You've never seen war, have you?"

I shook my head, grateful that driving gave me an excuse to focus on the road. "The closest I came was when the newborns attacked us. And then I was hiding in the mountains with Edward, so I didn't really see it."

"You're capable," Kate said. "After these many months of training? You'll be fine."

"I don't know, Kate," I muttered. "I think I'm okay one-on-one. But you don't always get one-on-one in war."

"True. In this case we have five-to-one odds in our favor. We'll never survive." Kate's wry observation had me smirking in spite of myself. "You've never had military combat training either, have you?"

I shook my head again. Some kids had opted for military service after graduation, in order to pay for college. But that had never been a consideration for me. Marrying Edward and becoming immortal had sort of taken over after senior year.

"They usually train one-on-one, as you did," Kate went on. "And you also practiced with multiple opponents, remember? All you can do is prepare yourself the best you can. When the time comes, you do what your training tells you to do."

As usual, Kate's words were eminently practical. But practical didn't always help with emotional, and the fear didn't lessen much. "It's not just a matter of training that's bothering me. These guys have been doing it a lot longer than I have. And in war, things happen to people. Even the best trained soldiers get killed." I vaguely realized I was babbling as my anxiety rose. "At least now I can help and I won't just be standing helplessly on the side. But I don't think I could stand it if any of you got hurt." I gave my head a shake as my voice started to thicken up.

"Try not to be so anxious," Carlisle's soothing voice seemed to waft around my head, and Kate reached over to pat my shoulder. "You can't expect to protect everybody. As nice as that would be, it's not life. In real life, people get hurt, people die. Even in your human life, you knew that. Now that you're in our world, you know how truly precarious that existence was."

"I know. I guess it's just that I spent the last two years of my life wanting to join your family. My…I can't have my old family anymore, so I don't want to lose my new one, too."

"Bella, we can only take care of those things in our control," Kate replied. "If you allow yourself to be afraid of every outcome, you'll stand locked in place, too afraid to do anything at all. Without a doubt, the situation is serious. But should we stand and hold our necks still for the headsman's axe? I think I prefer to do what I can. If my time has come, well then at least I've done all that I can do."

"Jasper is a very good tactician, and Eleazar spent much time with the Volturi." Carlisle spoke. "You're right that there are no guarantees in war. But we have our chances. We won't give up without a fight, and who knows? We may even win."

I nodded like I understood and tried to find my resolve. The two of them made very good sense, and it was useless to borrow trouble when there was more than enough to go around. The best that I could do would be to fight for Edward; fight for my family. I thought of Jane torturing Edward, and suddenly some steel returned to my backbone. My jaw clenched and I grimaced at the thought of that bored little sadist. If I had a chance to kill her or Alec, I would take it. I felt I could deal with Jane and could do it gladly. I wasn't sure if I would be able to take on Demetri, but if any of our family survived this, they would only be safe if they couldn't be found. He would have to be the second priority after Jane and Alec. Felix? He was even bigger than Emmett. He would be strong, but if Jane or Alec were gone, he would be no match for the rest of us.

I gripped the steering wheel and my lips pressed into a thin line as I contemplated. Kate was right. I couldn't allow myself to give in to my fears, or I would be useless when the time came for action. At least this time, I wouldn't be a helpless bit of flotsam. If Edward needed me, I would go. I held on to that thought and my resolve grew stronger. The fear didn't go away completely, but at least I felt I could see my way more clearly. With a new-found sense of determination, I pressed down on the gas pedal, and we roared up the road back toward Forks.

= = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_And so it thickens. Wolves and Cullens versus Jane and thugs? What could go wrong? Stay tuned for the next episode! :)_


	25. Chapter 24: Wolf Patrol

_**A/N**:Sorry for the long wait. My thanks to everybody for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting! I appreciate your support so very much!  
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_My thanks go to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. And __Katmom_ is the best! Not only does she have a keen eye for my mistakes, she makes me laugh! I love working with these folks!  
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_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters; this is just a little road trip! No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Ch 24 – Wolf Patrol<span>

Before long we turned into the driveway leading up to the house. We weren't planning on staying, so I parked near the front of the house. As we climbed out of the cab the front door opened, giving egress to Esme and Alice.

Alice had a deep scowl on her face. Normally she was very serene, since she could see what was coming for her. Now she was uncomfortable because she couldn't see any of our futures, except her own, and that vision had been very unpleasant.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, as I drew closer to her.

Alice made a face and shook her head. "I can't see Jasper; I don't like it," she said with a worried pout.

I reached for her and pulled her into a hug, her spiky hair tickling my chin. "He's fine," I assured her. "He's down at La Push, looking over the defenses with Edward and Eleazar."

"Thanks, Bella," Alice sighed. I felt her relax a little, but her brow remained furrowed.

"I spoke with Rosalie," Esme was telling Carlisle. "She's still against coming with us."

Carlisle nodded, unperturbed. "That's fine. I want what she feels is best for her."

"You might want to talk to her, though," Esme said. "She's feeling very guilty about it."

"All right, where is she?"

"Where else?" Esme pointed backward with her thumb. "In the garage."

Carlisle pursed his lips and considered. "Hmm, she really is upset." Taking Esme by the hand, he headed down the drive toward the garage.

I tugged on Alice's sleeve. "Jasper said he had some duffel bags in your room? He wants us to bring them down."

"That much, I know," Alice said, wrinkling her nose. "He picked them up last night after you got back from talking with Jane and Alec. They're taking up space in my closet."

I smiled inwardly because that comment sounded more like the Alice I knew and loved. "Come on, I'll help get them out." We headed into the house. Kate followed us, then split off at the top of the stairs to let Tanya and Carmen know what was going on.

Inside Alice's closet, four duffel bags of black, ballistic nylon lay piled in front of one of her shoe racks. I could see how that would irritate her. I hefted one easily, and the contents felt soft – probably the uniforms. A smaller bag held some harder objects. Those must be the radios. Alice grabbed the remaining bags and followed me outside, and we stowed the bags in the truck bed.

Remembering that Jasper wanted some tents, I drove the short distance to the garage — the storeroom where we kept the camping equipment was in back. Through the open doors I could see Carlisle and Esme talking to Rosalie and Emmett in the far corner, near the workbenches. There was no arguing, only calm words being spoken. Wanting to give them some privacy, Alice and I went the long way around to the rear entrance of the storeroom.

As I picked up two tents, I snorted at a random thought, earning me a raised eyebrow from Alice.

"We're going camping again. It must be another crisis," I said with a rather hysterical giggle.

Alice blew a raspberry at me and gave me a shaky smile. I felt better that I could distract her. But then the thought of her current blindness brought another concern to mind.

"Alice? If we're working with the wolves, you're blind, right? How are you going to see to fight?" My brow creased with real concern. She hadn't trained with us and drew her fighting prowess from her foresight. If that was gone, she'd be a sitting duck.

Alice frowned as well. "I'm not sure. Hit me."

My eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

Her face grew angry. "Yes! Hit me!"

"All right." I gave in and set the tents down. She didn't have her guard up, so I just stepped in with a palm strike to her chest. I figured I'd be able to control it in case I got through.

Fortunately it wasn't necessary. She wasn't where my palm thought she was going to be. She moved at the last second and my hand passed through empty air. She smiled, a little happier.

"I still can't see long term things with most of the family. But I've seen Emmett and Rosalie in Paris, on the African savannah, and a few other places as she changes her mind. It looks like I can still see short-term things that involve vampires. It won't work with the werewolves, but at least if the Volturi come at me I can take care of myself."

"Good," I said with relief. "I was worried about you for a minute."

"Mm, so was I." And judging from her face she was feeling a little better. Still not great, but better.

After we added five tents to the load, the bed was full to the brim. Again, I breathed a word of thanks to Edward for getting me a truck instead of a useless Ferrari. Thank goodness he understood me so well.

True to his word, Emmett had washed off the accumulation of dirt from our trip to Alaska. With the custom paint job the truck was a little flashy for Forks, but nothing an honest layer of dirt wouldn't fix. No amount of dirt could disguise an Italian sports car.

As I closed up the truck, sound coming from the garage told me Rosalie was back at work. Carlisle and Esme were walking slowly to the house, and I paused with my hand on the bed cover. We were leaving soon, and this might be the last time I saw— But I stopped short on that thought. If I let myself dwell on that subject I might freak out again.

"Alice?" She was in the process of climbing into the cab, and stopped with one foot on the running board, looking expectantly at me.

"I'm going to say goodbye to Emmett and Rose."

Without a word, she gave a somber nod, and stepped down.

After we walked into the garage and around Carlisle's AMG, we could see Emmett squatting next to the red BMW with an oil filter in his hands. The front end of the car rested on jack stands, and Rosalie's legs, clad in jeans, stuck out from the side, resting on a mechanic's creeper. Emmett grinned when he saw us.

"Hey, it's Tinkerbell and Wendy. What's up, guys?"

Alice snorted, snatched a polishing cloth from where it rested on the AMG, and hurled it. Emmett caught it neatly before it struck him in the face, sending lint and wax particles flying from the impact. He sputtered a little and tried to fan the drifting cloud away. Despite my mood, I couldn't help smirking at their antics. I was going to miss him.

I scuffed a foot on the polished concrete floor. "Um, we're almost ready to head down to the reservation."

Rosalie's heavy sigh and the sound of a twisting ratchet came from beneath the vehicle. "I'm a little busy here."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders and gave us an apologetic look, so I directed my next question at him. "Do you know where you guys are going?"

"Not sure, yet," he said. "We're still figuring it out."

"Rose, we came to say good-bye." Alice's tone expressed her disapproval like only a close sister could.

The ratcheting continued. "So? Go, then! Throw your life away for a pack of mutts! You know they wouldn't return the favor if the Volturi were just coming for us!"

Alice frowned, but didn't raise her voice. "I didn't come to argue with you. All I know is, the only road I can see leads to Volterra. I don't want to be a slave for Aro, and I definitely don't want that for Jasper. If the wolves can help me avoid that, I'll take their help."

Finally, the noise stopped. After a long pause, Rosalie's fingers appeared from under the car, and she slid herself out. Despite the drama, I still felt a twinge of admiration when she emerged. Wearing slim jeans and a work shirt with the tails tied at her midriff, her hair tucked under a baseball cap, somehow she still managed to look like she should be on a calendar hanging in the garage, not working in one. Even the smudge on her cheek made it all work together. She pushed herself up to a sitting position on the creeper, still holding the socket wrench.

"You know, if you're not involved with the wolves, you could see your future again."

"Yes, I know," Alice answered quietly.

"So you'd see the Volturi if they're coming for you. You'd be able to stay ahead of them."

"And keep running forever?"

"And keep _living_ forever!"

"You'd abandon Carlisle and Esme?"

"They're not _really_ our parents!"

Silence dropped down, heavy and oppressive. Esme had been like a mother to me even before I married Edward. Leaving them hadn't even entered my mind.

Alice's usually musical voice came out brittle as frost. "If that's how you feel, Rose."

Rosalie wavered, then dropped her gaze to the socket wrench in her lap. She gave the barest shake of her head.

"No." Her whisper faded in the chill air of the garage.

As the pause stretched out and grew uncomfortable, I unintentionally shifted my foot and Rosalie scowled up at me.

"I suppose you think I'm such a coward," Rosalie said bitterly.

"No, Rose, no." Not feeling right talking down at her, I took a step closer and sat on the garage floor, folding one leg under me. I hadn't been her favorite person from the start, but in the last month I thought we had started to build a bridge. I found myself wanting to leave her on a good note. "Carlisle's right," I said. "You need to do what's right for you."

"That's what he said. We should be here when the family needs us so much, but I—" she stopped, shaking her head slowly, her usually elegant lips pressed grimly together. "I know I told you a lot of things to convince you to stay human, but as much as I hated this life in the beginning, it's still life. It's still sweet, and worth holding onto. How can we throw that away, too?" She looked into Emmett's face as she said that, and his expression softened as he gazed back.

Now that she wasn't hiding behind her gruff exterior, I could understand what she was feeling. As much as Rosalie seemed to be self-centered, she wouldn't have stayed with the family if she didn't care for them. Edward and I had just recently discussed how sweet our life was. I could see how she'd want to hold onto it, and to Emmett, with both hands.

"Funny, I had that same talk with Edward," I admitted. "Nobody's blaming you for feeling what you feel."

Emmett rumbled the same sentiment as he set down the oil filter and sat cross-legged, rubbing Rosalie's shoulder with his huge hand.

"I'm doing this because it's right for me," I explained. "If not for the wolves, I would have been dead meat when I ran into Laurent."

I stopped and gave a rueful laugh. "You might not believe me but I'm actually glad in a way. You're my family, too. At least I'll know that you two will be okay. As long as you don't have anything that Aro would want, I don't think Demetri will come looking for you. You don't need my blessing…but I'm giving it to you." Impulsively, I reached out and put my hand on her knee. "Be happy. I want you to be happy."

Rosalie's eyes widened at my first touch, then she covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes grew soft and luminous. "Thank you, Bella. I'm glad you're part of the family. Even with all the drama, I'm glad."

"Thanks, Rose," I said, and gave her knee a squeeze.

Carlisle's voice came to us from the house. "Alice! Bella! We're ready to go!"

"We're coming!" Alice called over her shoulder. "We better get going."

We got to our feet. Rosalie stuck the wrench in a pocket and wiped her hands. I turned to Emmett, towering over all of us. "And you! You better take care of her! If not, I'm going to track you down and kick your butt again!"

Emmett laughed good-naturedly, reached out and enfolded me in a huge bear hug, lifting me off my feet. "Don't worry, little girl, I will." He set me back down. "But if you guys survive, I want a re-match. I've been practicing you know."

I could feel myself starting to get a little lump in my throat. "Good. You practice hard, because I'm not going to go easy on you. Next time…" My voice broke and I grabbed Emmett around the waist and hugged him. "I'm going to miss you guys," I mumbled into his chest. "Both of you." I reached for Rosalie's shoulder, and she surprised me by embracing us both. I twined an arm around her for a quick squeeze, and felt Alice join the group hug.

"I think you'll like Africa," Alice remarked as we separated. "Lots of big game. Just try not to eat anything too endangered."

"Hey, big boy needs big eats," Emmett joked. Rosalie pulled her cap off, shook out her hair in a cascade of gold, and tucked herself under his arm.

Alice laughed. "Gonna eat a whole elephant by yourself?"

"I'll save some for Rosie."

I met Emmett's grin with my own. "You're gonna get yourself shot for poaching."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "They gotta see me to shoot me."

"Alice! Bella!"

I chucked Emmett on the shoulder. "We gotta go. You two stay safe."

Emmett sobered, his eyes serious for once. "Thanks, kid. You, too."

Alice stepped in quickly, and hugged our brother and sister one last time. "Take care of yourselves," she said softly, then turned away, her mouth set, holding her emotions in.

Over my shoulder, in the last image I saw of them, Rosalie stood in the circle of Emmett's arms, her glorious golden hair spilling across her shoulders, and an unhappy look on her face as she watched us leave.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We needed to take two cars to carry all the gear and people down to La Push. Alice, Kate and Tanya rode in my truck while Carlisle drove Esme and Carmen in Edward's Volvo. These were the least conspicuous vehicles we had, and would stand out less at the reservation. It was mid-afternoon when we arrived at Billy's place, and he told us to go over to Old Quil's house. Quil had a barn where we could hide our cars, and Charlie didn't usually visit him. Carlisle called Edward to let them know that we had returned and they should meet us when they were done.

Quil normally stored his boat in the barn when it wasn't fishing season. For this occasion, he told us to pull the boat out and drive the cars in. The boat was a twenty-five footer and sat on a trailer. Usually you hitched it to a truck to move it but that wasn't necessary with seven vampires at hand. After a quick glance to see we weren't being observed, Carlisle, Kate, Tanya and myself grabbed hold of the hitch and lifted. The boat and trailer probably weighed several tons, but it was on wheels so we only supported part of the weight. Even so, I could feel my share of the load was pretty significant. I hadn't really tested my strength, but remembered Alice's comment about Edward possibly throwing a Buick through a wall to provoke the Volturi. We easily moved the boat to a spot alongside the barn, then drove our cars inside.

Shortly after, Edward, Jasper and Eleazar arrived. There was still some daylight remaining, so Jacob and Sam left to get some rest before night fell. Edward came immediately to me. Wordlessly, he smiled down and brushed my hair back to tuck it behind my ear. And just like that, the myriad worries I had been keeping at bay subsided in my head. I returned his smile with one of my own.

"How did it go?" I asked as I laced my fingers together at the small of his back. "No fighting, no biting?"

He chuckled and raised a hand with the fingers spread wide. "Everything's still here, see? And he mostly kept his thoughts to himself, except when talking to Jasper or Eleazar about defensible areas."

I wondered how much he wasn't telling me; after all, this wouldn't be the first time. Part of me wanted to ask if he could tell how Jacob was feeling, but I put that aside. "Well, he's working with you, and that's what matters. Come on, we need to unpack."

After we unloaded the vehicles, Jasper led us to a location within a thickly wooded area, a stone's throw from Quil's house. There, we cleared a little brush and pitched the tents. Edward hummed quietly to himself while we worked. We didn't really need to get out of the weather, but some of the things would do better if kept dry. We took our time, working at human speed, since we were still outside. Before long, our camp was set up, nestled among the trees.

Dusk began to approach and we needed to get ready. Jasper started opening his duffel bags and I heard a squeak of dismay.

"You're not seriously expecting me to wear that?" Alice indignantly held up military fatigues mottled with a dark-green and brown camouflage pattern. "And don't you dare calm me down!"

For once, I saw Jasper at a loss for what to say or do, and he just looked helplessly at his true love, who glared up at him, sparking with fury. At six-feet, three inches, Jasper towered over Alice who was just under five-feet tall. He was an experienced war veteran, yet he cringed from her as if from a snarling tiger. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, and I stood with my hands over my mouth, snorting with suppressed mirth. Edward caught my eye and he had a pronounced smirk on his face. I'm not sure if our Denali cousins had ever seen Alice like this, as their expressions ranged from shock to amusement.

Swallowing my laughter, I took pity on Jasper and went to Alice's side. "Alice, didn't Jasper tell you what he was picking up last night?"

Even Alice's frown was cute. "No! He just said he was going to get some things we might need. I didn't bother to check what he was getting. I mean really, do I look like a poster girl for _Field and Stream_?"

"You're not surprised, are you? You knew he was ex-military when you married him." I had to hold my ground as her glare expanded to include me. "He's only being practical. If we're doing sentry duty we'll need to be hard for the Volturi to see."

Wanting to keep the peace, Esme also spoke soothingly. "Did you have something else in mind, dear?" she asked.

"Not something you'd see in _Soldier of Fortune_ magazine!" Alice retorted with a stomp of her foot.

"The form isn't important," Jasper said, backpedaling quickly. "Just nothing bright or flashy. Dark would help, but that was what we were trying to avoid, to help the wolves distinguish us from the Volturi. As long as you can blend into the night it should be fine."

"I'll see what I can do," Alice growled. "Bella, I'll need your keys."

"No problem." I pulled them out of my jeans pocket and handed them over. Alice threw the clothes at Jasper, stalked into the barn and we heard the truck rumble to life.

After watching Alice leave in a huff, Jasper pulled the fatigues off his face and shoulder and turned to the rest of us. "It's a good thing I didn't pull this out first." He opened a different bag, and pulled out what looked like a bundle of moss and weeds.

"What is it?" Tanya asked.

"A ghillie suit. Snipers use them to _really_ blend in to the background."

I could see why. On closer inspection, it was a coverall festooned with fibers and scraps of cloth made to look like vegetation. All I could think of was Cousin Itt from the Addams Family.

Carlisle smiled. "I think Alice is right. You've been reading too much _Soldier of Fortune_."

"If you handed that to her that's not the only thing she would've thrown in your face!" Kate laughed.

Jasper ignored our laughter at his expense. "Umm, does anybody else have problems with the fatigues?" We looked at each other, and none of us seemed to have any fashion issues with camouflage. "How about this?" Jasper asked. He pulled a couple jars out of a different bag, opened one and applied a swatch to his cheek. It was dark face paint. "Pale skin would stand out in the dark. This will help neutralize that." He was asking. The scene with Alice seemed to have shaken his normal commander's presence of mind.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Jasper, don't let her get to you. You're the expert in this area; we'll just follow your lead."

"She's just irritated she can't see what's coming," I said.

"Um, yes. Of course you're right." He nodded quickly and started passing out the bags. "Here, you should be able to find something that fits. You can wear them over clothes or by themselves, whatever you feel comfortable with."

Unlike Alice, I had no qualms about wearing something that might make it harder for the Volturi to find and kill me. Also the face paint might keep Jane from recognizing me. I snuck off to the tent Edward and I were sharing, and changed into my fatigues. My old boots suddenly worked well with what I was wearing. Applying face paint without a mirror wasn't easy, but I did as good a job as I could. Then with a rustle of nylon, the zipper of the tent opened. Edward pushed the flap open and zipped it shut behind him.

He turned his back and began to change into his fatigues, and my fingers paused in mid-stroke as I was distracted by the sight of his back muscles rippling under his skin, and his well-formed rear. I took a breath and counted to ten…or twenty, while he finished changing.

He turned and grinned when he saw me still frozen from ogling him, my fingers poised over my cheek. "Here, let me help you with that," he said. I held still while he dabbed and smoothed the paint over my face. It was hard not to notice that he took his time, stroking and caressing my cheeks as he worked.

"Hey, stay focused," I teased him.

"Mm, I can't say I like the effect," he mused with disappointment. "It covers your face."

"If Jane can't recognize me, that'll be a good thing."

"I happen to _like_ seeing your face," he objected.

I smiled at his attitude. It seemed odd that we should still feel wedded bliss while preparing to engage in a deadly game of cat and mouse with the Volturi. But I didn't question, and took it as it came. After all, it could be gone without a moment's notice. When he was finished, it was my turn to paint his face. I did my best to blend different colors so they broke up the outline of his features and matched the camouflage patterns. I too, found my fingers lingering over his brow, and the smooth lines of his jaw. A flutter of pleasure tickled the back of my neck; I would never tire of touching his face.

When I was finished I craned my neck up for a long kiss that was only marred by the unsettling image of kissing a gargoyle. I closed my eyes and it was better, the movement and silky feel of his lips just as breathtaking as ever. The thought that this might be our last kiss before going off to battle made my heart lurch, and I held on to him with greater urgency than before.

Edward sensed my emotional state, sat down and pulled me into his lap. He took his time kissing me but held me as tightly as I held him, and I savored the touch of his lips, the satin smoothness of his cheek and the musky scent that was uniquely Edward. It wasn't hunger that drove me, but the need to communicate to him how much I loved him. At one time I thought if only I was strong enough to lock our hands together we could never be parted. That was before I learned of the Volturi. Now I was stronger, but it still might not be enough. I kissed my way down to the hollow of his neck and buried my face there.

"Edward," I whispered and squeezed convulsively.

"I know. I love you, too," he answered. And we sat together silently for a long while. If not for the fatigues and face paint, we might look like a statue of Cupid and Psyche, marble still and smooth.

Finally, Edward broke the silence and whispered against my hair. "They're waiting for us."

"What? But I'm touching you! How can you hear them when I'm touching you?" I panicked and pulled back, mentally feeling for my shield. If my gift were to fade now that we needed it the most, we were in serious trouble.

He grinned at me and placed a finger on the tip of my nose, his teeth a stark contrast against the dark makeup. "You might affect my heart and my head, but my ears work just fine."

"Oh. Right." I sighed, slightly embarrassed, and noted that I hadn't been paying any attention to my surroundings at all. That wouldn't help my chances of survival. Just in case, I mentally flexed and felt the familiar tingling warmth intensify. "Considering you make me forget everything else but you, we better not be in the same patrol. Okay, let's go." I crawled to the opening and we left the tent, zipping it shut behind us.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Dusk was falling and we were supposed to meet the pack in the woods behind old Quil's spread, not too far from our campsite. Just before we went to meet them, Jasper distributed the two-way radios. We all had cell phones, but in a tactical situation it would take too long to dial and wait for a connection, and cell phone coverage tended to be spotty in rural areas. So we left the phones in the tents and took the radios. Each had a 10-mile range which would be plenty for our purposes. Alice had returned, dressed from head to toe in black denim, and Jasper refrained from making any comment about her wardrobe.

I cast my eyes over the assembled vampires. Dressed alike, with the lone exception, we looked like a fairly formidable force. And undoubtedly against four normal vampires we would have been. It seemed somehow very wrong to see Carlisle, Esme and Carmen dressed in military fatigues. Edward, on the other hand, looked very good in a uniform, and I remembered how he had wanted to be a soldier when he was still human. Jasper made his own brief inspection, then gave the signal to move out.

In the clearing near Quil's house, Jacob and Sam sat waiting for us, along with Leah and Paul. The rest of the pack stood among the trees, silent and ominous. We moved almost silently through the woods but the wolves were like ghosts. I couldn't see the entire pack but I could tell by the smell there were a lot of werewolves.

Jasper spoke first. "Reporting for duty, sir," he said with a wry expression.

Jacob snorted. "Let's do this," Edward translated for him.

Jasper raised his voice and addressed all of us. "Remember to pull back if attacked. We're trying to draw them in so we can finish this. Is everybody clear on what to do?" A chorus of growls, barks and affirmations filled the clearing.

"All right. I'm going to take the sentries to their posts," Jasper said. "When we're in place you can set your patrols in the path we scouted earlier." He turned to me and pointed to Sam. "Bella, you're with Sam, Seth and Brady." Sam sat to one side. I recognized Seth next to him and one other, younger wolf who must be Brady. He had grayish fur with silver tips and his right, forepaw was white.

I started to ask why I wasn't in Jacob's group, but let the words die on my lips and just nodded. It would make sense to protect the alpha wolf, but I could feel Edward's eyes on me.

Jasper started to lead the family off through the trees. Before Edward turned to go, I caught his eye. "Be careful," I said. He held my eyes with an intense gaze for a moment, then nodded gravely and they were gone.

After the family disappeared into the woods, I realized I was left alone among the wolves. Before, this wasn't a problem; I had spent lots of time with Jacob and the wolf pack in both their human and wolf forms. But I was human then, what they had sworn to protect. Now I was a vampire, what they were born to destroy. Unbidden, tension rose in my head and my senses automatically went on alert. My body was telling me I was surrounded by my natural enemies. I knew that Jacob wouldn't let them hurt me, but that didn't help the uncomfortable feelings from bouncing around in my head.

I made myself sit slowly down on a rock between Sam and Jacob. More than one narrowed set of eyes watched my movements as I sat, but Sam and Jake's expressions didn't change. I thought about Jacob's original objections to us accompanying their patrols, and I admit I was still nervous about that.

"Jake?" The great head turned and the large brown eyes regarded me. "You guys know my scent right? Do you think I'll mess up the scent for the other patrols?"

Jacob cocked his head to one side and he flicked one ear as he thought. He took a sniff and winced, then he gave a slow nod.

That wince gave me an inspiration. I pulled out the jar of Kate's ointment; I always carried one with me these days. I opened it and held it toward him. "Would this make a difference?"

He leaned close and sniffed, then suddenly sneezed several times. When he recovered, he nodded vigorously, and rubbed at his nose with a paw. My thought confirmed, I took several dabs of the ointment, and smeared it on the outside of my fatigues.

"Better?" I asked. He gave a low whuff, which I interpreted as positive.

"Did you guys get some rest?" I asked, when the silence stretched out too long. Sam inclined his head and Jacob seemed to shrug. Communication with them was going to be difficult, limited to expressions of yes or no.

"Sam, so I'm just supposed to follow you guys, and if we get attacked, pull you back to safety?"

Another nod. Not that I was normally a chatterbox, but it dawned on me that my time with the wolves was going to be a fairly one-sided conversation, and my pre-patrol jitters were making me want to fill in the space. I looked at Jacob and searched myself for the old feelings I had for him. But he was right when he had observed that his wolf form didn't affect me like his human form did.

"Aren't you nervous at all, Jake?" I asked. Jacob snorted and his fist-sized eyeball rolled upwards in answer.

I pursed my lips, irritated at the inconvenience of carrying the conversation. "This one-way communication is kind of a pain isn't it? What happens if you need to tell me something more than yes or no?"

Jacob growled and barked a couple times. After a moment my radio crackled to life. "Bella?" Edward's voice brought a glimmer of a smile to my lips. "He says you're worrying about nothing. As long as I can hear one of the wolves, I'll be able to relay to you or the rest of the family."

"Oh, I didn't think about that." Jake's lips pulled back from his fangs and his tongue stuck out a bit in wolfish laughter.

Not knowing what else to say, I let my body lapse into the stillness that it was comfortable with – one of the vampire traits that I had recognized in Edward – and let my mind and senses wander. Night had settled in, with a gentle mist falling and being shifted around by a slight breeze. It wasn't too cold by November standards but I was glad that I didn't have to worry about weather anymore. The wolves, too, wouldn't even feel the chilly temperatures. I was still nervous about what I was going to do. If we did come up against Jane and the guard, there was no telling what might happen.

A little while later, the radio hissed again. "We're in place now," Jasper's voice came. "The patrols can start moving."

Jacob barked, and I heard the faint sounds of several animals moving through the forest. I looked more closely and one of them looked to me like Embry. Roughly fifteen minutes went by until the next group was dispatched, led by Jared. Group by group, they took off like squadrons of scrambling fighter jets. Now Sam's patrol and Jacob's were the only ones left in the clearing, and I wondered who would be next. My nerves were itching with the mounting tension. Would we be attacked tonight? Would I be able to do anything about it if we were? I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself.

A sudden throaty growl opened my eyes. Sam was standing — we were next! I scrambled to my feet as Sam headed in the same direction that the other patrols had gone. Seth and Brady followed him and I took my place at the end of the patrol, where my scent wouldn't interfere with their tracking.

Our path led downhill toward the Quillayute River, and turned left just inside the edge of the trees before we reached the river. Sam set a pace that I could easily match. I hadn't seen a werewolf at full speed but Jacob's comment that they had easily caught and killed Laurent made me wonder just how fast they were. In the dim light I could see the wolves coursing along, easily moving around the trees, over or through the brush, their heads low at times, noses constantly working.

The patrol route followed the rough contour of the Quileute lands. The dark river lay on our right, a natural break so we could easily see if someone attempted a crossing. Somewhere on our left was the picket line of sentries, but we were moving too quickly for me to spot any of them. I briefly wondered where Edward was posted.

As the river neared the ocean, the terrain rose until we topped the cliffs that overlooked the Pacific. When we passed near the cliff where I had originally jumped, I had a wandering thought that I ought to try that again now that I couldn't drown. The jump itself wasn't bad, only the landing.

We ran past First Beach, then Second Beach. All this time I saw nothing, and detected no vampire scents. I smelled no shortage of werewolf, as the scents of the other patrols mingled with those of my own unit. After Second Beach, we turned inland, cutting across the hills that made up reservation land, heading across the peninsula toward the river again. At one point we had to cross the main road that ran between La Push and Forks, but it was deserted so we crossed without incident. Once we reached the river we again turned east, and resumed our original path.

As I moved through the darkened forest, I again felt the freedom and power of flying through the trees, of being one with my element. If I weren't engaged in a life or death situation, I could really enjoy this.

There was no sign of the Volturi Guard. I kept an eye on the river whenever we were in sight of it, but there was nothing. The only thing that moved were a few nocturnal animals — bats, owls, and some raccoons. At some point in the night, I lost track of how many circuits we had completed. I was reminded of running laps in PE, and not knowing what lap I was on because it all looked the same. I found myself starting to get lulled by the monotony into a sense of security. What could Jane be up to? Surely they must see us when we traveled across those spots less wooded than others.

And so it went for the rest of the night. I was so glad that I didn't get tired anymore, because by the time the early morning light started to touch the edges of the sky, I had no idea how many miles we had run. During the time we had been on patrol, I guessed we could have run all the way down to Oregon and back again. When the light from the dawning sun was almost peeking through the overcast, Edward's voice came over radio.

"Bella? It's Edward."

I unclipped the radio from my belt and pressed the send button. "What is it?"

"Jacob is calling in the patrols for the night. He wants to have a quick meeting at Quil's place before he dismisses them. Jasper and I will meet you there."

"All right," I acknowledged. Sam turned from our patrol route and led us through the forest toward the reservation proper. Back in the woods behind Quil's house, a number of werewolves were in the little clearing – Jake, Jared, and Embry. It seemed it was a meeting of the squad leaders. The rest of the pack stayed amongst the trees, but they could easily hear what was going on. The only other vampires present were Edward and Jasper. I drifted over to Edward's side, and his fingers automatically twined with my own. I still didn't like the look of the camo paint on his face but the touch of his hand felt good after the long night.

Edward thumbed his radio and spoke first. "Nobody in the patrols saw or smelled anything. Did anybody on sentry see anything?" Oh. Jake was still in wolf form, and Edward was translating for him.

"This is Esme. Nothing here."

"Carlisle here. Nothing."

"Tanya. Nothing."

One by one, each of the family chimed in with a negative.

"Negative for the sentries," Jasper repeated, then addressed the wolves. "Were there any problems with scent, since Bella is running the path with you?"

The Jared-wolf growled and barked. "No, she smells different enough that it should be easy to spot the bad guys," Edward said.

The russet wolf nodded. "Everybody get some rest," Edward translated, though it was unnecessary because this command was directed at the wolves. "Be back here at sundown."

Wolves stood and began melting into the trees. Before long, Jacob and Sam were the only wolves left. Jacob gave a low growl. "Well, that was a waste of time," he said through Edward.

Jasper raised his radio and thumbed the talk button. "Carlisle? Eleazar? We're negative on any trace of the guard. Any thoughts?"

"What do you think, Eleazar?" Carlisle's voice asked. "Is it possible we over-reacted and the Guard has retreated?"

Eleazar didn't answer immediately. "It's unlikely," the radio finally crackled. "They have their orders, and only if they've spotted one of us helping the wolves will the situation have changed for them. It is possible they might have seen Bella while she was running patrol, but it's hard to say."

"Well, at least we didn't lose anybody," Jasper said.

"Yes, that's a success of sorts," Carlisle agreed.

Jacob snorted derisively. "Jacob says, it's not a success until we kill them," Edward said into his radio. And for once when it came to something violent, I agreed with him.

"It's only the first night," said Jasper. "They may have different orders tomorrow."

"Jacob? Go ahead and get some rest. We'll keep watch," Carlisle's voice buzzed through the radio.

For a moment, the fur on Jacob's neck seemed to bristle and I thought he was going to object. Then he shrugged and rose from his haunches to saunter off into the woods. Sam followed close behind.

"Hello dear, how was your evening?" Edward asked as he bent his head down to kiss me, and I turned my face up to meet him.

"Pretty quiet, after all that anxiety," I said, and wrinkled my nose a little. "Not that I mind because I really thought Jane would attack us tonight."

I thought I saw the muscles around his mouth tense a little, but he didn't comment. Instead he offered to walk me to my sentry post.

"I don't know where that is," I said. "I was on patrol with Sam's unit."

"Oh. Jasper, where should we post Bella?" Edward asked his brother.

"You might as well have her at the post next to yours," Jasper said and grinned. "That way you won't have to go far to look for her." Obviously he knew Edward pretty well. Hand in hand, Edward led me through the forest. Jasper came with us, headed for his own post. We traveled along some game trails and larger hiking trails that cut through the reservation.

Eventually Jasper separated from us, and we continued on toward the river. We arrived at a bluff overlooking the water that had good cover in a stand of spruce trees and bushes. For a moment, Edward stood, scanning the opposing river bank and listening for thoughts. With a shrug he turned back to me.

"All clear," he said. He seemed to relax a bit and leaned against the trunk of a spruce tree.

I stepped in close and rested one hand on his arm and the other on his chest. His face looked odd to me with the makeup on, but the amber eyes that looked down at me still held the same warmth. I felt my breath catch in my throat and blinked quickly. To cover my befuddlement I asked him, "So is soldiering what you thought it would be?"

"Oh, I'm not the misty-eyed youth I once was," he said with a sardonic smile. "I saw enough of the effects of war to realize it wasn't as glorious as the recruiters wanted us to believe."

"What made you want to be a soldier so much? Was your dad in the military?"

Edward shook his head. "No, he wasn't, he was a lawyer," he said. He looked across the river, thinking back through the years. When he spoke he had a faraway look in his eye. "I'm not sure how it is with girls but at a certain age you want to show that you've grown up, that you've become a man. The Great War was in all the news. When I was 14, the British passenger ship Lusitania was sunk by the Germans, killing over a hundred Americans. In 1917, Germany declared unrestricted warfare on all Allied shipping. My friends and I were all filled with righteous indignation and patriotic fervor. Joining the military was the cause of the day, but you had to be 18."

"You could have lied, like Jasper," I pointed out.

"I could have, but that would have upset my mother. She didn't like all my talk about joining the service."

His voice was a little sad as he said that, and the smile faded from his eyes. I took a guess as to what he was unhappy about. "You don't like me running with the patrols, do you?"

He shook his head. "It should be me, not you. Sentry duty isn't without hazards, but I'd much rather you be in back of the lines than running them."

"But if Jane attacks your patrol, what are you going to be able to do?"

"I…I don't know," he admitted, and he must have been remembering what Jane had done to him. Wanting to soothe him, I raised a hand and ran my fingers through his hair, coming to rest on the back of his neck.

"That's why it has to be me," I said. "I'm sure I can protect three wolves, so we'll have at least one functional unit in case we get attacked."

He closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "I understand the need. I just don't like it."

I gave a light snort of exasperation. "You're so old-fashioned some times," I teased him.

Edward took my fingers and raised the back of my hand to his lips, an old courtly gesture I never got tired of. "And you're always the brave one." He smiled.

"No, not brave," I disagreed. "If that's the only thing I can do to help, then that's what I'll do.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "How far does it go?"

"What?"

He let go of my hand and pushed away from the tree. "Your shield. Show me how far it will go." He stepped back from me a few paces.

"Oh, okay." I took a breath and pushed, extending it out as far as I could. "Come closer," I said. Edward edged nearer, one hand extended toward me. At about three feet away, just beyond my outstretched hand, I felt the field change as he touched it. Interestingly, though there were no nerves or substance of any kind, I could close my eyes and tell where he made contact, as though he had touched my body. "Right there," I told him. "It starts right where your hand is."

Both of our radios buzzed to life and we jumped. "Edward?" It was Jasper, speaking in a low, amused voice. "Are you at your post, yet?"

Edward and I both laughed, looking at each other guiltily. He raised his radio. "Almost there, Jasper," he said with a residual chuckle. "I'll see you later." He stepped in and stole a kiss before he turned to go.

I watched until his tall, broad-shouldered form disappeared amongst the trees, and sighed. I had a happy little smile on my face again, so I took a deep breath and shook myself. _Sentry duty, I'm on sentry duty_, I chanted to myself. I exhaled loudly, directed my attention to my surroundings and let my senses expand. I gazed up and down the opposite river bank. The mist had stopped falling but the river held on to the iron grey color of the ever present cloud cover. The cold didn't stop the animals of the forest, and the background sounds of rushing river and wind through the trees were often punctuated by the call of birds or other woodland creatures.

As I settled in to my watch, the monotony of guard duty began to steal over me. In the lush green setting, it was too easy to let my attention wander and drift away. To keep myself alert, I decided to work on my exercises. After my last time working with Eleazar I felt I could use more practice in projecting while dealing with outside distractions. I inhaled deeply, exhaled and began the standing meditation. I disengaged part of my attention, and set it to scanning the landscape, testing the scents on the air, and monitoring the sounds of the forest. Thus engaged, the hours slipped by while the sun passed unseen above the clouds. All day long, nothing moved except what normally belonged in the forest.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Just before dusk my radio buzzed, rousing me out of the exercise I was performing and bringing my attention to the here and now. I unclipped it from my belt and held it up.

"Jasper? It's Edward," my radio squawked.

"Yes?" Jasper responded.

"The wolves are starting to assemble for patrol, now," he replied.

"Thank you, Edward. Bella?" Jasper asked.

"On my way," I said into the radio. I straightened, and started into the woods, making my way back to the clearing near Quil's house.

When I got there, most of the wolves were already assembled. Sam and Jacob were in the clearing so I went up to Jacob to ask which unit I was with. His eyes narrowed and his chest seemed to expand with a deep inhalation, but that was the only change I could detect. He swung his muzzle in Sam's direction, and I got the message. I sidled over to stand with Sam's group, as we waited for the rest of the wolves to arrive. While we waited, I applied the scent-masking ointment to the outside of my fatigues again, causing my patrol mates to wrinkle their noses.

After the sun slipped below the horizon and darkness fell, we began patrolling again. As I followed after Sam and the others, I started to wonder about what Carlisle had said: were we too jumpy, and the Volturi had backed off after all? The darkened woods were just as empty as the night before, though the cloud cover was not as complete and a little more moonlight made its way down to earth. I tried to keep alert, and kept an eye on the river every chance I got. But nothing moved other than the bats and other nocturnal animals. The patrols kept moving and the mixture of scents told me we had made a number of circuits already.

Toward the middle of the night, as the moon was about to follow the sun below the horizon, we entered a more marshy area that was created by a creek feeding into the river. The trees thinned out and the bushes gave way to reeds as we crossed the creek. Suddenly Sam, Seth and Brady tumbled to the ground, head over tail. The air was filled with their horrible snarls and whines of pain. In fact the entire forest seemed to groan with an agonized chorus of growling and yelping. I froze in shock for a moment before I realized what was happening. I whipped my head toward the river, and there they were on the opposite bank, just stepping out from the cover of the trees. Jane had a happy smile on her face and Felix was grinning next to her.

I fumbled the radio off my belt and called into it, "This is Bella! We're under attack!" Then I had to move, because the Volturi were starting toward the water.

Sam was in the lead, so he had tumbled into the creek, and lay thrashing in the water in agony. I ran into the water, and put my hands on him. I felt my damper field infuse him but nothing happened, he still jerked with spasms of pain. My heart fell into my stomach as I realized what was going on; it didn't matter that I was shielding him, the pain was being shared through the wolf link. No help would be coming from the other wolves as long as Jane could affect one of them, and they had fallen too far apart for me to extend and shield them all. I leaped over to Brady and touched him, with the same results. But when I touched Seth, they stopped writhing and looked around. They all had to get under cover and fast.

"Get to the trees!" I shouted, and tried pushing Seth to his feet. "Edward, over here!" I screamed, hoping my family would be able to get here in time. The wolves got up, took a few steps and then collapsed again. I glared back at Jane; she must have switched to Sam or Brady. But I could see that her smile had faded and she was frowning.

Cursing under my breath, I grabbed Seth around the middle and hefted him over my shoulder. As a horse-sized wolf I'd guess he weighed maybe four- or five-hundred pounds — he was an armful but still child's play to me. He stopped snapping his jaws, but his eyes were squeezed shut and his limbs still twisted and tensed under Jane's fiery assault. The trees were not too far and I rushed through quickly and put Seth down when I could no longer see the river. Not pausing to see if he had recovered, I sprinted back to the creek.

I burst out of the trees and into the creek, splashing water in all directions. I grabbed Sam, who was nearest to the river. Fearfully, I glanced at the river and didn't see anyone but Jane on the opposite bank. But the others could be crossing underwater, so I turned and ran. Sam didn't thrash as much, but his whimpering was heartrending to hear.

When I finally got Brady into the trees as well, the sounds of suffering wolves ceased. Just to make sure, I extended my shield and settled in the midst of my troop, covering them all. Edward and Jasper were the first to arrive, followed by Carlisle and Eleazar. The whites of Edward's frightened eyes showed wider than usual against the dark face paint as he rushed over to me.

"Are you all right?" he cried as he grabbed my arms and quickly looked me over.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I tried to re-assure him. "Hold on, I need to check something." I had to disengage myself from his worried, searching hands.

I crept closer to the edge of the trees and peeked across the river. Jane was no longer in the last place I had seen her, and nobody was coming out of the water. I frowned at this, since I had completely expected them to cross and follow up on their attack. We were supposed to have been retreating inland to draw them in, but there was no point to it now.

"Edward? Can you still hear if they're out there?" I asked.

Edward paused for a moment before answering. "Not really. They may be controlling their thoughts, or they're miles away by now."

"I don't understand," I voiced my confusion.

Jacob arrived with his group and growled a question. "No, everybody's okay," Edward said. Jacob looked at me and grumbled something else. Edward's brows narrowed for a second but he translated. "Jacob wants you to cover him while he checks for their scent. I'll come with you," he declared, and took my hand. Jacob seemed to shrug.

"Let's go," I said, and keeping hold of Edward's hand, I lay my other hand on Jake's flanks. Connected in this awkward fashion, we moved out into the open. Everybody else stayed safely under the trees. Jacob made for the river bank, and started sniffing the water's edge. We moved up and down the river for a hundred yards on either side of the creek, but he didn't find any trace that the Volturi had come across. Jacob gave a snort of disgust and headed back to where we left the others.

Jacob growled and barked some more. Edward translated, "I'm going to take some of the guys and see if we can find their scent on the other side."

"We'll come with you," Jasper said. Jacob bobbed his head in agreement. "But don't cross here. It's too wide and if they ambush us while our forces are separated by the river we're in trouble. Cross at a narrower part where you can get the whole group across quickly."

Jacob seemed to think about that, and I saw him glance at Sam, who nodded. With a whuff, he turned to lead the two patrols and the vampires up the river.

"Where are the girls?" I asked Edward as we jogged after the wolves.

"Jasper told them to go back to their posts. We still need to keep watch." That made sense to me, and truth be told, I felt better if gentle Esme or Carmen were in a less hazardous location. "What happened?" Edward's tone was still clipped, laden with his concern for me. I quickly related the events of the attack.

"And I didn't feel anything at all," I said. I knew he would be the most concerned about that, so I tried to emphasize that I was fine. He seemed to be a little mollified by that.

Jacob led us to a part of the river where it narrowed and we could easily cross the river in one jump. Once across, we turned downstream until we reached the spot from where Jane had attacked us. The wolves got the scent immediately, and they came to instant alert. We followed the trail away from the river, but after a mile or so Jacob declared that the trail was getting older, and they had probably come in by this path.

We returned to the ambush spot, but the scent trail didn't seem to come back out of the water. We needed to find where they had gone, so we continued downstream. Edward maintained constant vigilance, not wanting us to be surprised again.

When we reached the mouth of the river where it flowed into the sea, it didn't seem likely that the Guard had come out of the water anywhere nearby. We were a couple miles from our starting point. Jacob and Sam seemed to hold a silent conference, then Jake turned back up river. "Let's get back across to our side," he said through Edward, and we started back the way we came. Once we crossed to the reservation side of the river, Jasper turned to Jacob and Sam.

"Might I suggest a change in tactics?" he asked.

Jake cocked his head to one side in a listening pose.

"Judging by how Jane's gift gets transmitted to every single wolf in the pack, we might want to do this differently."

"How differently?" Jacob asked through Edward.

"The patrol didn't see the ambush coming from across the river. And while they're moving around, it's not easy to spot an enemy in hiding. We've basically been providing a werewolf shooting gallery for the Volturi." A low muttering rose from the wolves.

"What do you suggest?" Jacob asked.

"I'm thinking of abandoning the patrols, and distribute the wolves as extra sentries. If we have more left over, we can have the reserves stand ready to reinforce any point that comes under attack. This way, the wolves aren't attacked immediately, which incapacitates the entire pack. If they want to attack, they'll have to come across where we can see them."

"All right, we'll try that for now," Jacob barked, and started growling at the assembled wolves. They disappeared into the woods, to take their place on the sentry line.

"What about the other two units?" Carlisle asked.

"I'll have them stand by. Eight wolves added to your numbers will give good sentry coverage."

"Excellent," Jasper said. "We should have a debriefing before you turn in this morning. Sunrise?"

Jacob rolled his eyes, probably mocking Jasper's military tone. But he woofed out an affirmative, and left the clearing to join the lookouts.

We still had several hours left until dawn, so the family and I also returned to our sentry posts. But the incident had left me, and probably all the defenders, a little shaken. Although we hadn't lost anybody we hadn't counted on the wolf-link being a liability, especially since it had been so helpful during the battle with the newborns. If Jane could disable over half of our fighting force at once, and Alec could disable the other half, where did that leave us? It made joining with the wolves no improvement on our situation. In fact it was worse because we had given the Volturi their excuse to move against us. We might as well have run, to face them later.

I shook my head in irritation. Running away would still have been wrong and I owed the wolves better than that. As much as the situation frightened me, I wasn't going to second guess my decision now. We would figure something out. Jasper and Eleazar had to have some ideas. They just had to.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_**A/N**: Well, I hope that was worth the wait. What the heck is going on? Why haven't they invaded already? As always, love to hear your thoughts!_


	26. Chapter 25: En Prise

_**A/N**:Thanks for waiting, everybody! I appreciate your support so very much!  
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_My sincerest thanks to _Katmom_, for keeping me from looking silly, and to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_ for pre-reading_. They provide invaluable input and I appreciate their help with this piece so very much___!  
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_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters; we're just exploring the blooper reel! No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 25 – <span>_En Prise_

When the night hours waned and gave way to the misty, pale dawn, Jasper and Jacob called us in for debriefing. They wanted to talk with those of us in Sam's patrol, before the wolves turned in for the day. I waited until Edward joined me, and we walked to the meeting place together. I was rather somber, still thinking about the events of the attack. It wasn't long before Edward couldn't stand it.

"What are you thinking about, love?" he asked.

"Oh, just what happened last night. I mean, this morning," I answered. "I thought maybe if I had run with my shield fully extended I might have been able to reach Seth or Brady. But Sam was too far ahead."

"Don't blame yourself," he said. "You did what you needed to do, and nobody was hurt."

"I know, but I just wonder if I could have done something better," I persisted.

"I'm sure that's what Jasper wants to talk about," he said with a wry smile.

When we got to the clearing, Jacob and Sam were in human form, so they could talk with us. Carlisle and Eleazar were also there with Jasper. No sooner did we enter the circle than Jacob started.

"So, this isn't working," he said brusquely. "They didn't need to cross the river in order to hit us."

"Perhaps, but they still can't kill you from a distance," Jasper pointed out. "If they are serious, they'll have to move in."

"Do your elders recall anything that would help us in this situation?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Sam answered. "None of the vampires in our lore had special abilities."

"Why are we just sitting and waiting?" Jake asked with a frown. "They didn't bite tonight. And if they don't bite then we can't do anything."

"You're right that they didn't bite." Jasper held up a hand. "But we have to be careful. With the effect Jane's gift has on the wolf-link, the entire tribe can be disabled, and Alec can easily handle the ten of us. When you're out-gunned, you have to think defensively. Charging into the face of over-whelming force would be suicide."

"But if we don't take them out somehow, this won't ever end. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life on the Rez?"

Jasper laughed, humorlessly. "Somehow I don't think it will come to that. But it does raise the question – what are they up to? They've struck twice so far, but didn't follow through in either instance. The first time, the purpose of killing Bradley might have been to lure you into a trap, but they didn't. Tonight they struck, but didn't inflict any damage."

Eleazar cleared his throat. "They're taking our measure. They were waiting to see what we would do, and now they know – we've sided with the wolves. They've also seen Bella in action. So they have to be taking the increased numbers into account."

"They're up to something," Sam said.

Carlisle nodded. "They have their just cause now. Why haven't they just come down on us like the covens before?"

Eleazar's puzzlement showed on his face. "Yes, that was the pattern. But where is Aro?"

"What's this?" Jacob asked with raised eyebrow.

"The leader of the Volturi is a…collector," said Edward with a grimace. "He's been systematically finding talented vampires, and he's not above destroying a coven to get them."

"So he's gunning for you."

"We think so," Edward continued. "But he and more of the Guard would normally show up for one of these operations. So I'm not sure. Could it just be a search and destroy mission?"

I had to disagree at this point. "I don't think so. They pretty much had us dead to rights. I thought any second they were going to come out of the water and finish us, but they didn't."

Jasper pursed his lips and nodded. "True. They could have remained submerged in the river, waiting for the patrol to pass. Alec could have spread his power like fly-paper and waited for you to blunder into it. This wasn't a serious offensive. They're still poking at us."

"Then maybe we should poke back." Jacob's voice rose, and he threw his hands in the air.

Edward frowned. "Mass assault?"

Jasper shook his head quickly. "Not a good idea. You wolves are like light cavalry: fast and mobile, but you still need to get close enough to tear them apart. Jane only needs to get hold of one of you to disable the entire force."

"Then we should bury them with numbers!" Jacob was getting a little frustrated. "Look, even if she gets hold of one of us, maybe it hurts like hell, but it doesn't kill us. The second she stopped we were fine. She'll have to stay on us to keep us down, because if we get up they're dead meat. Like you said before, we'll distract them. You flank them and take them out."

"Or we could distract them, and you kill them," Carlisle said, still calm in the face of Jacob's outburst. "It would make more sense because some of us they may prefer to take alive, and that will slow them down."

I felt a moment of instant panic, when they mentioned 'mass assault.' The last time we had talked about this, it had been discarded as foolhardy. "Wait a minute, are you guys kidding? Didn't you say that mass assault was a bad idea? What's changed since then?"

Jasper's voice was fairly level, and very patient. "Our options are more limited, Bella. You have to be able to adjust to what your enemy is doing, and they're not going to leave unless we drive them off or kill them. If we can't maneuver them into a position we want, we may have to go after them."

I was a little flustered in the face of his cool logic and tried to think of some kind of alternative. "Can't we shoot them or something?"

Now it was Edward's turn to be patient, and he gave me a little smile. "Bella, first, we're more or less bulletproof. Second, how would we explain a gun battle on the reservation? The sounds of hunting season is one thing, but a war? Anti-tank missiles might be effective, but even if Jasper could get them, how would we explain the explosions?"

I sat speechless as I absorbed this. I had hoped modern weaponry might give us an edge.

Edward rubbed my back in encouragement. "I know you're concerned, love, but this is what we have to work with."

Eleazar nodded. "We have to consider, now that they have just cause, that Aro and the rest of the Guard may come calling after all. But even if they don't, we still have Jane and Alec to contend with, and we don't know where they are. We can't simply blunder through the wilderness hoping to come across the enemy."

Jasper regarded Eleazar. "We need to reconnoiter," he declared.

"Definitely," Eleazar agreed.

Jasper slapped a hand on his thigh. "All right, we'll need to scout out their location. We need a few extremely stealthy warriors who can remain undetected. Once they've located the enemy, do not engage. Report their location and what they're doing. Then we'll figure out what to do."

Jacob jerked a thumb at Edward. "Can any of them hear like him?"

Eleazar shook his head. "As far as we know, the only telepath they have is Aro, and he must touch to hear thoughts. The rest rely on normal senses."

"No problem, then," Jacob said. "We're wolves. The night forest belongs to us. And we don't need a noisy radio to communicate."

"Fair enough, then that's what we'll do," Jasper said and rose to his feet. "You and I should establish a search pattern. Then tonight we send out the scouts. Hopefully we can find them and end this."

Jacob gave a tight, fierce smile. "That's what I'm talking about." He raised his voice and addressed the assembled wolves. "Get some rest. You're gonna need it for tonight."

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After Jacob dismissed the pack, he asked a number of the younger wolves to hold back for a minute. He asked if they were tired, and they were only too eager to say that they weren't. Jake assigned them to stand sentry for a couple hours until the sun was completely up, because he wanted to make sure we didn't get a surprise visit. I was rather impressed with the way Jacob dealt with the members of his pack. He had the authority to order them, but preferred not to.

Watching Jake's management skills made me think about his assignments. In the two nights we had run patrol, he hadn't assigned me to his unit, even though it made more sense to protect the alpha wolf. But I think I knew why – he was avoiding me. And while it bothered me, I didn't want to say anything. It couldn't be easy for him, having to put up with vampires on his land when he had originally objected to our help. The least I could do was to make things easier for him by staying out of his way.

I had sworn to Edward that I wouldn't get involved with Jacob again, and I meant it. But that didn't stop me from wondering about him, and wanting to know if he was getting any better. I couldn't stop thinking about it after Edward had walked me back to my post. On this subject, the serene forest setting did nothing for my peace of mind. Not that I could come right out and ask him. But after a while, I thought maybe I could ask Leah.

Since Charlie had been old friends with Harry, Leah and Seth were childhood acquaintances of mine, just like with Jacob and his sisters. We kids had been thrown together to entertain each other while our fathers tried their hardest to reduce the fish population. But when I moved down to Phoenix, there was a long stretch where we lost touch, and I probably hadn't endeared myself to Leah with my issues with Jake. This might be an imposition and was bound to be awkward, but I had to know.

For a long while I waffled on whether I should say something, feeling like a little girl who needed to go to the bathroom but was too embarrassed to ask. If anything were to go down tonight, I needed to be able to concentrate, and not be distracted by minor issues. Judging by the amount of light coming through the clouds, we still had a few hours left until sundown. I could find Leah, talk to her, and be done in plenty of time. I picked up my radio. "Jasper? It's Bella."

"Yes?"

"Sorry to bother you, but I'm running out of Kate's ointment. I've been using a lot more to mask my scent. I should get some more before patrol tonight."

"All right," Jasper said. "We'll shift over to cover your area."

"Thanks, Jasper." I left my sentry post and headed to our little encampment. Back at the tents, I picked up a fresh jar of ointment. If I was looking for Leah, I would have to start at Sue Clearwater's house, and she was full human. I also didn't want to look too bizarre, so I scrubbed my face clean with a towel to remove the camouflage makeup.

I kept to the trees as I ran down to the Clearwater's. It was cloudy enough to go out in the open, but without Edward I didn't know if my father or anybody else who knew me might be on the reservation, so I kept under cover.

The Clearwater house was a yellow with white trim, ranch style house. An old wooden bench sat under the roof over the front porch. Around the side of the house, a vegetable garden with a high fence to keep the deer out gave the scene a very homey feel.

I applied a fresh dose of ointment, then edged out from under the trees and took a long look up and down the road. There was nobody around so I hurried across. I knocked and, after a short wait, the door opened.

Sue's eyes widened in her thin, sharp face when she recognized me, then she gave me a welcoming smile. "Hello, Bella. What brings you out here?"

"Hi, Mrs. Clearwater." She was carrying a dish towel and a paring knife. "Sorry, if I'm here at a bad time. I was hoping to talk to Leah."

"She's not here right now. I was just starting to fix supper." Sue gazed at me silently for a long moment, obviously weighing something. "Are you, uh, supposed to be on sentry duty?"

I nodded. "They're covering for me. I was hoping to ask her something quick and then get back."

"Do you want to wait for her?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

Sue turned her head. "Seth! Where's your sister?" she called. Then she opened the door wider, and stepped back.

I thanked her and followed her in. She made her way to the kitchen, where some peeled carrots were sitting on the counter waiting to be cut.

"Haven't seen you since the wedding," Sue said, picking up her work where she left off. The sound of chopping rose in the kitchen. "How does it feel to be a married woman?"

I got a little uncomfortable to talk about myself, not sure how she looked on my…other changes. "It's been good…but very different."

One of her eyebrows twitched as if she was thinking "no kidding."

Hoping to steer the subject away from myself, I asked, "Have you talked to my dad, lately?"

"Yes. Matter of fact, he's coming over tonight for dinner after his shift."

That was a surprise. "Oh. I better be gone before he gets here, then. How's he doing?"

"A little lonely, I think. He's been spending more time with me and Billy. He's very proud of you for getting into college." She looked sideways at me.

Embarrassed, I dropped my eyes. "We _are_ taking classes. Just online."

"Uh-huh."

I caught her eyes with my own. "You won't…mention anything to him, will you?"

Sue didn't say anything for a while, just kept chopping. "No, I won't. You and I both have our secrets to keep from him." Sue set down her knife and leaned on the counter, a sincere expression on her face. "But he misses you, you know. Someday you'll need to make a decision."

I dropped my eyes again. "I know," I said softly. "I miss him, too." And by the last e-mail I had received from her, my mom also missed me. The knowledge that I had already made my decision didn't make thoughts of the future any easier.

I was saved by the sound of a door opening. Seth walked into the kitchen, yawning, his dark hair still mussed from sleeping. His eyes opened wider when he saw me.

"Hey, Bella," he mumbled, still a little bleary eyed. "Whatcha doing?"

"Looking for Leah," I replied. "Do you know where she is?"

Seth scratched his head. "Well if she's not here or hanging out at Jake's, she's probably down at the beach." Of course, it figured he would know his werewolf sister's mind better than their mother did.

"Thanks, Seth," I pushed away from the counter. "I'll go look for her down there."

"If you see her, tell her to come help with supper," Sue requested.

"I will. Thanks, Mrs. Clearwater. See you later, Seth," I said as I walked out of the kitchen.

"Later," Seth said, and reached for the refrigerator door.

I took to the trees again on my way down to the beach. I figured I'd try there, first. If Leah wasn't there and she was over at Jacob's house, I would talk to her another time. I didn't want to run into Jacob unnecessarily.

Emerging from the trees, I trotted down the gravelly path that led to the beach. I hadn't been here since that last time with Jake, and a number of memories rose in my head. We had talked here, and fought here. He'd pulled me from the water and saved my life here. It seemed like so long ago, but these human memories were fairly strong.

I walked slowly, scanning the beach for Leah. As the driftwood log that Jake and I called 'our tree' came into view, I realized with a moment's irritation that she was sitting on it. Dressed in only a T-shirt and shorts, she was gazing out at the heavy surf, the ocean breeze riffling her short, black hair. Turning at my approach, she raised her eyebrows slightly when she saw me but that was all, so I felt a little encouraged. At least she wasn't openly hostile.

"Hi, Leah," I said as I drew near.

"Hey," she said and flicked her hair out of her eyes. "What's up?"

"Your mom wanted me to ask if you could help with dinner. I guess my dad is coming over." I sat down on the log a few feet away from her. The breeze blew my scent away from us, so at least I wouldn't be offending her that way.

Leah gave a little grimace. "He's been doing that a lot."

"Really?" I couldn't hide my surprise. "Well, your dad was one of his best friends, so I'm not surprised he's keeping your mom company."

"Yeah."

I watched a couple seagulls flying together over the breaking waves, their plaintive calls echoing across the beach. An odd thought came to mind. "You don't think they…"

Leah shook her head. "Hmm…awkward," she said.

We both laughed nervously at that. My dad had been a bachelor for so long that I couldn't really picture him any other way. And if he and Sue were to get married someday that would make Leah and I…

I gave another nervous chuckle at the thought. To cover it, I reached down, picked up a stone, and pitched it at the ocean. The rock whistled through the air and landed beyond the breaking surf, about where I had seen Jacob throw. But I wasn't using my full strength.

"Ha!" I muttered with satisfaction. I turned back to Leah. "I didn't see you at the pack meeting this morning."

"Had to drive my mom to Port Angeles to get some medication for Old Quil," she said. "And I'm not part of the pack, really, so I don't _have_ to be there." She said the last sentence with a bit of pride.

"Do you…like not being part of the pack?"

Leah smiled. "It's much better. Now at least my brain is my own space."

"You don't ever miss it?"

Leah pursed her lips. "Sometimes when we hunt together, it would be useful to be able to communicate easier. But otherwise, no."

I nodded my understanding. Edward was right, she wasn't quite so bitter anymore, much more like the girl I used to know. I was glad she had been able to find some kind of peace.

"Not that it's any of my business," Leah spoke. "But why would you want to do _that_ to yourself?" She indicated my body with a sweep of her arm. "You were smart, nice looking and you had not just Jake, but some of the other boys around here drooling after you. Why?"

Without asking, the image of Edward's face and how he made me feel came to my mind, and I could feel a slight tingle rise on the back of my neck. "For Edward," I answered. "It was always for Edward. Once I met him it was all over for anybody else."

"Then why'd you string Jacob along?" Leah's question was blunt, but that was one thing I remembered about her. She wasn't one to pull any punches.

"I…I didn't mean for it to happen that way," I said lamely. "He held me up when I was down. When Edward came back I should have broken it off, but I didn't. It was selfish of me. Now, I'm trying to keep my distance. That's why I'm talking to you, and not bothering him."

Leah's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I twisted my fingers in my lap and forced myself to get the words out. "I know I don't have the right to ask but…how is Jake? I know he's been hanging out with you a bit, and I just wonder if he's, you know, feeling any better these days"

"Boy, you _do_ have some nerve," Leah said. "You know it's not really your business anymore." She pointed an accusing finger at me and her eyes flashed briefly. "You turned him down. That just about killed him for a while. I'm not in his head anymore, but back when I was, you were the only thing he would think about when he had a waking moment."

Leah broke off and turned back toward the ocean, silently fuming. Her intensity made me think that she might be feeling more than just friendship or loyalty to the pack leader. Without looking at me, she continued. "He started to get better when you went off to Alaska. But he's been angrier since you came back, so I'd say he's not completely okay."

I latched on to the one part of her tirade that gave me some hope for Jacob. "But he did get a little better for a while?"

She looked at me from the corner of her eye. "Yeah, when you were out of town. He actually started thinking about doing something useful, like getting his mechanic's certification."

"He'd be good at that," I said, and Leah agreed. Part of me was relieved that he might begin to feel better after a few months away from me. At least he wasn't as mental as I was when Edward left me. A very small part of me was dismayed at the idea, but I was just going to have to get used to it. "Well, if we get out of this mess alive, I'll just have to see that he gets enough space from me."

"That'll be a good start," Leah said, then fixed me with a steely gaze. "But if you start playing him again…" she said ominously.

"Don't worry," I tried to reassure her. "I want him to be happy. If space is the way for him to get there, I'm all over space."

Vampire senses twitched — the crunching of footsteps on gravel. I looked over my shoulder and Jacob came into view, walking down the path towards the beach. In a flash of panic I considered running for it but it was too late. He saw me sitting with Leah and his eyes widened briefly before his face locked back down.

"Leah, your mom's looking for you," he called out with no preamble.

"Yeah, Bella was telling me that."

Jacob didn't answer her but kept his eyes focused on me the entire time.

Leah got up to leave. "Okay, I better go. See you later, Bella." As she left she gave me a rather intense look, as if to remind me. I didn't need to be reminded, since meeting Jacob wasn't what I had planned.

"Yeah, later," I responded, a bit late.

Jacob came to a stop at the end of the tree and regarded me over the long, awkward silence. His eyes seemed to alternate between anger and pain, and one cheek muscle twitched as he tried to gather himself. Finally he settled into the expressionless mask of not-my-Jacob. I gave an inward sigh; it was to be expected.

"Hi." I finally spoke, unable to stand the silence any longer.

"Hi," was his dull response. "So…you been pumping Leah for information?"

"I just wanted to see if you were doing okay."

Jake snorted. "You barely talk to me, and then when I see you you're sneaking around to Leah. Why don't you just come ask me yourself?"

His tone started to get my back up, but I didn't want to argue with him. "I didn't want to bother you," I said. "And most of the time I've seen you, you've been a wolf. I figured you were avoiding me when you didn't assign me to your patrol. Don't you think it makes more sense to protect the alpha wolf?"

Jake finally cast his gaze down and mumbled something too low for vampire hearing.

"What?" I asked.

A little louder, he said, "I _was_ avoiding you."

"Oh." I glanced out at the grey, pounding waves. It wasn't blowing as bad as when I had jumped off the cliff but it would be unpleasant for a human. I turned back to Jacob, who had finally raised his head. "Do you want me to go?"

He shrugged one shoulder, barely an annoyed twitch, but didn't give any indication that he cared one way or the other. After a long silence, I finally asked, "So...how've you been?"

He shrugged again. "You know how it is. Guarding the Rez from evil vampires, trying to act like I know what I'm doing. Same old, same old."

"Yeah, same old." I gave him a thin smile. "I think you're doing fine, though. I watched you with the younger guys. You're a better leader than you think."

"Hmp," he grunted. "You seem to be taking to this vamp stuff pretty well."

"Sometimes," I said. His reticence seemed to be rubbing off on me. I wished we could break out of this endless uncomfortable loop but didn't know how. He always used to be so playful before. But maybe it was for the better. At least it was easier to maintain emotional distance when he was like this.

"Hey, watch this." I bent, picked up a fist-sized rock and stood. I took a couple steps and hurled it toward the ocean. There was a brief whistle and then the rock shrank out of sight. I had to adjust my vision quickly to track where it landed – far out to sea.

"We can't all be freakishly strong," he dead-panned with a sarcastic smile.

"I don't even exercise," I replied with a smirk.

"Did you have to practice killing people?"

I stared at him in shock, unable to believe what he had just said. His face was still closed down. I knew he was bound to still have issues with me, but this was too much. I felt the rage bubbling close to the surface and took a breath to keep it in check. My eyes narrowed as I hissed at him. "You know what happened. I wasn't myself that day."

"Well, I told you this was wrong," he kept going. "You turned into this twisted, predator thing that couldn't tell her friends from a piece of meat."

"If I couldn't tell my friends from a piece of meat, your dad would be dead right now from that little test of yours!" I had my fists doubled up without even thinking of it. "You're such a jerk! I accepted you for who you are when you changed. Why can't you do the same for me?"

"No, you didn't! You thought I was a murderer, but I wasn't! Well, you know what? You. Are!" He had his chin pointed out belligerently at me, and I _so_ wanted to deck him.

I'd had enough. "I can't believe you're being such a bitch!" I snapped.

His mouth dropped open. "I can't be a bitch, I'm a guy."

"Well, you're _acting_ like one!" I shouted at him. "And I was worrying about how you felt! I see you're too much of an ass to feel anything, so I won't worry about it anymore!"

I stood and began to stalk past him, and his eyes rolled up in exasperation. "Wait, Bella…" He reached for my elbow and tried to spin me around like he used to when I was human. But I wasn't having it. Turning into him, a slight twist of the forearm was enough to break his grip and I punched him in the solar plexus. Jake gasped and hunched forward, and I unloaded a solid double-palm strike on his chest.

Normally as light on his feet as a cat, he flew backward, high over the log, landing with a thump, his legs sticking up in the air. For a moment the sight of his feet sticking up was so satisfyingly comical, I felt most of my anger evaporate in the ocean breeze. But he didn't get up immediately and remained still.

"Jake?" I called. No answer. "Jake?" I called louder. As I neared the log, he finally groaned, and I saw he had hit his head on some rocks. "Oh crap." I scrambled over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. "Don't move, Jacob. Can you hear me?"

His eyes opened and he blinked a couple times. He searched and found my face and he groaned again. "Geez, talk about over-reacting."

"You hit your head, are you okay?" The panic was still in my voice.

Jacob pulled his legs off the log and tried to roll onto his side, but my hands on his shoulders stopped him. "Do you mind?" he asked, and I let go. As he rolled, I could see a little blood on the back of his hair. He got to a kneeling position and massaged the back of his head. "It's a good thing I'm a werewolf," he grumbled at me.

"Sorry, Jake," I muttered. "I guess we're even for the broken hand. You _were_ being a jerk, though."

"It's a gift," he said, and he climbed back over the log to sit facing the surf. He patted the log next to him. "Sorry, I guess I was feeling a little pissy." I clambered over the log and sat against it, a couple feet between us. He looked at my face, and his expression seemed to have thawed somewhat.

"You don't know how different you are now, do you?" he asked.

"Hey, you don't smell so good, either."

Jake snorted. "That's not the only thing. You look like them now: kinda alien and shiny. You've got those demon eyes and you're hard as a rock. It's like your voice and your manners got transferred into another body. You're lucky there's still enough of your face for me to recognize or I might have killed you that first time."

He paused, thinking back. "I've been watching you through my brothers' eyes. It's weird, seeing you this way. You're not so clumsy now, and you've got some skills." He waved a hand indicating my changed body.

I frowned at the thought. "Well, I still feel like me. I was surprised at how much I still felt like me."

"Except when you smell blood."

"Yeah, there is that." I grimaced at that small truth. "But at least I'm not a bloodthirsty maniac. I was worried I might be. This ointment lets me be almost normal."

"Hate to tell you, Bells, but you never were normal."

He called me 'Bells' and was teasing me again. That made me feel a little better, that he didn't totally hate me. "Look who's talking!" I retorted.

Jacob looked into my eyes for a moment before turning away. I noticed a slight shudder as he did so. "How long do you get to keep the eyes?" he wondered.

"Maybe a year." I wondered how I looked to his werewolf senses. "When my old blood gets used up my eyes will turn golden."

He fell silent, most likely imagining how I'd look. "So what's the best part about it?" he asked.

I picked up a handful of sand, and squeezed it for a while. When I felt it warm up, I opened my hand — it wasn't sand anymore. Like sedimentary rock formed by eons of compression, it was hard and held the impressions of my fingers. "It's nice to be strong and not so fragile for once," I said with a smile. "I can throw a motorcycle around just like you, now."

"But with my skills, I'm still older than you. Let's see _you_ rebuild a car," he said with a superior air.

"I'm working on that. I'm going to go to school to be a nurse. If I can save lives, that should count for more than mechanical skills. Then I'll be older than you."

"A nurse, huh?" He peered at me briefly. "Think you can do it?"

"It might take a while, but I can do it." I might have to go through many batches of Kate's ointment, but I'd manage it.

Jacob reached out and took the oddly shaped rock from me, one raised eyebrow his only reaction. "And what's the worst part?" he asked, softly.

My face fell. I didn't like to think about them too often, having determined to simply accept this life for what it was. The images swam into my head before I could stop it — my parents standing with Jacob, and two dark-haired children I would never have. "You know what they are," I answered just as quietly.

Jake silently turned the rock over and over in his hands. "So, was it worth it?"

With his guard down like this, it was easier to be honest with him. "Mostly yes, but there is some bad that came with it. It was getting better before the Volturi came to town, but they were bound to come sooner or later. Whatever, this is my life now."

Jacob looked up from the rock, gazing at my face for a long moment. I stared out to sea so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable from his staring. Then he reached out and pointed a finger at my throat. "I saw that necklace when you were leaning over me. Is it from…him?"

I nodded and caressed the smooth stone between two fingers. "I should have put it away to be safe, but it's such a part of me now. I forget I'm wearing it."

"Do you still have the bracelet I gave you?"

"Yes. It's safe with the brooch my mother gave me."

"But…you don't wear it anymore," he said quietly. There was no mistaking the disappointment.

I shook my head, wishing he hadn't brought this up. It was much easier to be mad at each other, than to be this intense. "You know why," I whispered.

Jacob mulled that over, the corners of his mouth turned down. Maybe it was my imagination but his face seemed to be a little older, almost like Sam's. Gone was the carefree Jacob that lit up my darkest hours. I gave a mental sigh of regret. He deserved better than this, but I couldn't give it to him.

I looked away, leaned back and stretched my legs in front of me. I felt a little strange to be sitting next to him in military fatigues so I scrubbed at my face again with my sleeve. "So you're buddies with Leah now?"

"She's not so bad." Jake shrugged. "It was just bad when she had to listen to Sam, and share her thoughts with us. No privacy, even when you're feeling lousy and just want to be left alone."

I nodded in understanding. "She said you were going to get your mechanic's certificate."

His eyes narrowed at this invasion of his privacy but at least he didn't get angry. "Already certifiable, so why not?"

"You know what I mean…" I rolled my eyes.

"I s'pose. Already good with my hands, might as well put it to use." He picked up a rock and tossed it into the surf. It didn't land as far as mine had and I stuck my tongue at him. He answered with a rude noise. "I have good control of myself, so I should be able to go back to school. Maybe I can start the first auto shop on the Rez."

"If we all survive the Volturi, I'm sure things will go back to normal once we leave town." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Maybe you'll stop phasing then?"

Jake shrugged, more reconciled to his fate. In the beginning he would have given anything to be normal again. "You guys planning to leave for good?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Eventually we'll have to leave," I said. "Carlisle's saying he's thirty-four but he looks twenty-five. Somebody's bound to start wondering."

"And there's Charlie."

I nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't really want to think about that and wasn't sure what to tell Jacob. "Who knew when we were kids we'd end up like this?"

"Yeah. I was pissed I didn't get to go fishing and had to hang out with girls." Jacob gave me a long look, then quietly slipped the rock I had pressed into a pocket in his shorts. He reached down, picked up an ocean-worn stone and tossed it into the waves. "Ya know, if you're worried about how I feel, just stop it already. Right now you look different enough to me that it's already not the same as before. I bet I don't look so good to you, either. If I live long enough, I'll get over you."

I had to admit he was right about that. When I was human, he affected me in ways that I didn't even notice until it was too late. Where I once saw an honest, attractive face, my vampire senses perceived a slightly wild, almost brutish appearance. It was as if we had both gone to war, and returned disfigured. I sighed quietly and suppressed the little part of me that felt sad over the loss of that attraction. Edward was right; some sentiment still remained. But it would never be enough to overshadow my feelings for my mate.

Something my dad said after coming home from fishing came to mind. "Charlie sometimes told me, after coming home with no fish, that there was always another fish out there."

Jacob gazed at me with wistful eyes then looked away, but not before I saw the sadness twist his lips. "Yeah, but the one that got away was bigger. It was way bigger," he whispered.

Jacob leaned back against the log and closed his eyes. I looked down at the sand and let him sit there and compose himself. Part of me wanted to reach out, to comfort my friend, but the rest of me knew not to do that right now. When I raised my head, I noticed that all of his muscles were tensed like cables and stood out under his russet skin. Then his mouth opened and a sudden horrific scream burst from his throat. He doubled over convulsing and fell sideways onto the sand.

Completely confused, I stared at him with my mouth open. I hadn't hit him _that_ hard, so why was he screaming? And why so long after the fact? I put my hand on his bare shoulder to try and comfort him, and the screaming stopped. He blinked and looked at me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at once and a sizzling bolt of fear hit me as I realized what was happening.

I whipped my head around, searching, and there they were, coming out of the water. Jane's head, slick as a seal, rose just above the waves, a smile on her face. Alec, Felix and Demetri were charging forward through the surf. It was overcast but the sun wasn't down yet. It was too early! They shouldn't be here, but there they were.

Jacob took one look and started shaking. I felt the fur sprouting under my fingers as he phased into wolf form, and his exploding bulk shoved me aside a little. I didn't dare release him for fear of Jane or Alec getting him.

"Jake! Call the pack!" I yelled. "Let's get out of here!"

"Take care of her," Jane ordered.

Felix and Demetri splashed to shore and leaped out of the shallow water. I felt Jake's muscles bunch under his fur.

"Jake, don't!" I cried, too late.

Jacob broke away from me with a snarl and leaped to meet them, only to spasm in mid-spring as Jane's power seized him again. He tumbled to earth in a spray of sand and gravel. I rushed forward to shield him when I heard a crunch of gravel and a huge blow to the chest threw me backward. I fell against the driftwood log with a crash that echoed off the cliffs. The tree broke in half, crushed in the middle. I lay stunned for an instant, then tried to roll to my feet. A foot thumped down on my chest, pinning me to the remainder of the log.

"I wouldn't move if I were you." Felix grinned down at me. "Look." He pointed at Jacob, who writhed on the ground, growling and whining, burning in Jane's grip. In the distance, the sound of the suffering wolves rose into the air. Demetri stood close by in a half-crouch, his hands poised like claws, ready to strike. Occasionally Jake snapped blindly right or left but was helpless under Jane's power.

I reached my hand toward Jacob to try and extend my shield toward him, but then Demetri hit Jake in the muzzle with his fist, snapping his head back. A dull impact rang out. "NO! Stop it! Don't hurt him!" I screamed.

"That's up to you," came Jane's dull voice. "If you so much as twitch again, Demetri will kill him. You're coming with us," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. Afraid to move, I kept my gaze fixed on Jacob, who didn't even know he'd been hit. Felix bent down and grabbed both my wrists and held them together. For the first time, I noticed Jane was carrying some kind of sack. She held it out to Alec, who reached in and pulled out a pile of chains that glinted with a dull grey sheen in the fading light. Working quickly, he bound my wrists together with so much chain I could only see the tips of my fingers. He secured the ends with a lock.

"Titanium alloy," Jane gloated. "Much stronger than steel."

"Please! Please stop!" I sobbed at her.

"Demetri and Alec will keep him company until I tell them to let him go. If you don't cooperate, he's dead."

I had no choice. They were holding all the cards at the moment. "I'll do what you want, just stop hurting him!" I pleaded.

Alec stepped to Jane's side, and after a moment, Jacob stopped writhing. But his eyes were wide open and his ears twitched this way and that, searching for any sensation. He still lay on his side, legs moving like he was walking, unaware that he wasn't even standing. Alec had him now, but at least he wasn't in pain.

Felix reached down, unclipped the radio from my belt and crushed it effortlessly. Then he dragged me to my feet, and he and Jane started toward the water, pulling me by my chained wrists. "I'll signal you," Jane said to Alec, and we waded into the pounding surf. The chilly water filled my boots and soaked my fatigues up to my waist but I didn't even shiver. I grabbed a last breath before we went under, and the murky water closed over my head.

We bobbed to the surface beyond the breakers and Jane and Felix began swimming strongly, pulling me through the water. We struck out toward deeper water, but then we turned to parallel the coast. I didn't bother to try swimming, not thinking to help them in any way. But the motion reminded me of Edward drawing me through the warm tropical waters in the cove at Isle Esme, and I gave an involuntary sob. If I never saw him again... I shied away from the thought as my face twisted with anguish. I ducked my face underwater so they wouldn't see my expression.

Under the surface, I gazed at Jane's slight form, and a smoldering anger began to grow, displacing some of the despair. Caius must have given new orders and I wished I had Edward's gift that I might read them in Jane's head. I contemplated making a break for it, but wasn't sure if they would truly let Jake go. They hadn't killed me outright, so they must have something in mind. I would have to bide my time and see what they were planning.

When we almost reached a rocky island just offshore, Jane stopped Felix and they paused, treading water. Felix turned around and let out a piercing whistle.

"Why are you doing this?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Shut up," Jane said, dispassionately.

"He's going to deliver a message." Felix seemed to smile a lot, even when engaged in acts of violence, or in this case, kidnapping. I breathed a little easier knowing that they really were going to let Jacob go, but not knowing their plans for me still filled my belly with ice.

Jane and Felix began swimming again, and headed in toward the shore, to a rocky outcropping. When we reached shallower water my feet began to bump on the rocks below. Felix set his feet on the bottom first, but Jane was smaller and continued to swim for a ways. Felix waded through the small breakers, dragging me by the chains. I tried to get my feet under me but Felix pulled roughly, making me stumble and splash back into the water.

"Wait," Jane commanded. There was the sound of tearing cloth. I looked and she was coming toward me with the long, dark strip. I twisted my head away from her and a sudden crack on the side of my head filled my vision with sparks and my head wobbled for an instant.

"Don't move," growled Felix, as Jane tied the cloth over my eyes. Bound and blind, a feeling of helplessness fell over me. I bit the inside of my cheek and the pain helped to keep me from sobbing out loud.

"Up you go," said Felix, and I felt an arm snake around my waist to pick me up. I settled with my head hanging down, and guessed that Felix had thrown me over his shoulder. Then the air started to move and there was the sensation of flying. I lay still and extended my senses, trying to get the feel for where we were. The sound of the pounding surf receded, so we must be moving away from the coast, and deeper into the hills.

I felt rain hitting me and my already wet clothes. The temperature would be around the low-forties, so at least I didn't have to worry about my clothes freezing on me. Trying to keep quiet, I tested the chains around my wrists. Alec had done a good job and I couldn't move enough to wriggle free from them. And whether it was the titanium or the sheer quantity of chain, newborn strength wasn't enough to pull them apart. I had to stop when I felt them cutting into my wrists.

After a run of indeterminate distance, the passage of air slowed and we gradually came to a stop. Felix suddenly bent and I sprawled with a thump onto what felt like forest floor.

"Well, my children," came an oily smooth voice that sent a chill through my bones. "What have we here?"

"I brought you a gift, Master," Jane said, her little girl voice very pleased. The blindfold was pulled from my head and I blinked for a moment. Night had fallen so I wasn't suddenly blinded by light.

I twisted around on the ground to face the voice and peered about the clearing. Aro stood smiling down at me, his hands clasped in front of him. White-haired Caius stood frowning at his right, and Marcus — dark and somber — was slightly behind and to Aro's left. All around us and back among the trees were a host of figures in dark cloaks. The rest of the Volturi Guard had come to Forks after all.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_A/N: I know, I know... Some folks who hate Jacob are probably disgusted with Bella right now. But if there's anything that Bella was, it was a loyal friend. Even if she wasn't romantically involved with Jacob, she'd still consider him a friend, despite all the crapola he pulled._

_I was thinking of putting in an EPOV chapter next, showing Edward's experiences when he found out Bella was captured. However, it messed up the flow of this chapter, as well as revealing too much of the plot, too early (gotta save *some* surprises for you!). So I'm going to donate the chapter as an outtake to **Fandom for Oklahoma**. This is a great cause, supporting the tornado ravaged regions of Oklahoma City. You can find more information here: "**h_t_t_p : / / Oklahoma . fandomcause . info**" (delete the spaces and underscores). Your donations will help support The Red Cross, the ASPCA, and The Salvation Army.  
><em>


	27. Chapter 26: Temptation

_**A/N**: When I started this, I never imagined it would go beyond ten chapters, let alone twenty. I'm so thankful for all of you who have stayed with me this far!_

_My undying gratitude to_ Katmom _for ironing out my grammatical wrinkles, and to _sherryola_ and _Noble Korhedron_, for making sure nothing's too weird. I couldn't do this without you guys!  
><em>

_Big news! I will be donating an EPOV outtake from Cygnus to **Fandom for Oklahoma**. This is a great cause, supporting the tornado ravaged regions of Oklahoma City. You can find more information here: "**h_t_t_p : / / Oklahoma . fandomcause . info**" (delete the spaces and underscores). Your donations will help support The Red Cross, the ASPCA, and The Salvation Army._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer, the great and powerful, owns Twilight and all the characters; I'm just playing dress-up. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Chapter 26 – Temptation<span>

I sat staring in disbelief as my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I didn't bother trying to get to my feet because the strength had completely drained out of them. Most of the vampires were strangers to me, but a few looked familiar. And there were so many! It seemed like the woods were full of figures in dark clothing. The two older, female vampires I had seen before. Their skin looked as papery thin as that of Aro, Caius and Marcus and they seemed old enough to be their wives. They wore black cloaks, as the three patriarchs did, while everybody else wore more normal clothing under grey cloaks. Around them stood two male and one female vampire, all in grey. The ones in grey stood watching me carefully, so I took them to be bodyguards.

I remembered the tall and statuesque Heidi, her mahogany hair falling in soft waves down to mid-back. Her eyes were the normal dark-red, and she was clothed in grey like the rest of the Guard. She must only dress provocatively when she went hunting. A waifish female I had seen the last time hovered close to Aro and Caius. She had thick, black hair that hung in tight curls around her face. She kept a close eye on me as she stayed close to Aro's side.

Aro looked at me closely, his burgundy-red eyes narrowing. The smile never wavered from his lips. He placed his hands behind his back, but during the movement I caught a quick motion made with the fingers of his right hand. It seemed to be a signal to somebody on my left. I let my eyes drift in that direction, but everyone on that side already had their attention on us so I couldn't tell whom he had signaled.

"Why, it's young Edward's mate, Bella!" Aro's feathery voice breathed. "This is a surprise. But why have you brought her, Jane? Let us have the story please." Aro held out his hand. Jane glided closer and took his hand. Aro closed his eyes, then after a bit released her hand and opened his eyes. Jane stepped back to stand near Felix again.

A slight frown touched Aro's marble brow. "Jane, I must say I am rather disappointed. We have come to deliver justice. This is not part of that mission."

A distressed look came over Jane, the first time I had ever seen that expression on her face. It made her look even more like a petulant child. "But Master, if we are to bring justice, she can stand in our way."

"How so, my dear?"

"She was able to shield others from me." Jane frowned. "She protected the wolves and took them to safety when I struck at them."

Aro's brows drew together, perhaps sifting through his newly acquired thoughts. When his brow smoothed he looked at me with renewed interest. "Yes, I saw that. But you must not be so put out with her, my child. She does not do it out of a desire to vex you; it's simply her nature." It seemed like the thinnest of rebukes to me, but Jane began to pout, her eyes downcast and the corners of her mouth pulled down.

A small movement to the side attracted my attention. Demetri and Alec had quietly rejoined the group, and others moved to give them room. I took that as a good sign that they had let Jacob go, but wondered what message they would have given him to deliver.

Aro smiled wider as he turned his attention back to me. "Welcome, Bella. Please forgive Jane for being so abrupt. She is still so young, and rather impulsive. Felix, please release her, she is our guest."

Jane opened her mouth, like she would have liked to object, but said nothing. Alec threw something that Felix caught. Felix bent and opened the lock securing the chains, and began to unwind them. Despite having my hands free, I heard a number of footsteps as several vampires edged closer to me.

I rubbed my wrists where the chains had chafed and dredged up a little outrage to push back the fear that weighed me down. I sat up a little straighter and asked, "Why was I brought here?"

"Again, I apologize for Jane's manners," Aro said in a conciliatory tone. "Carlisle mentioned that you and Edward had recently been married. Let me tender our belated congratulations."

I inclined my head and said thank you. He continued to look at me closely.

"I've had a great curiosity to see how your gift would develop after you were transformed, and I admit I am impressed," he went on without my input. "Your gift has grown from protecting only you, to shielding others as well; a very unique talent. In this regard, Jane has done me a great favor."

I nodded, but didn't answer. I wanted to see if he would get to the point. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jane raise her head at the words 'unique talent' and she fixed me with a glare of molten hate.

"Can you shield more than one?" Aro asked in his soft, curious voice.

"Yes," I said without thinking, then mentally cursed. I thought about how much I could truthfully tell him, and how much would give too much away. But in the current situation, I didn't see how I would be able to get close enough to my family to shield them again.

Aro tilted his head slightly, observing me like I was an insect. "How many?"

"Four." It was true enough, as of the last time we had determined the extent of my gift. However, my gift had grown since then, and I wasn't quite sure how many I could shield now.

Aro looked even more impressed. "By touching them?"

I nodded, not trusting this answer to my voice, and hopefully not giving anything further away.

Aro clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Splendid! Do you remember my invitation to you, Edward and Alice to join our family?"

"I do, but this wasn't much of an invitation." Not wanting to antagonize him, I kept my voice as even as I could. "I didn't have a choice."

Aro took on a pained expression. "I am sorry we started off on the wrong foot," he said with a glance at Jane. Then his expression smoothed. "Tell me, my dear, do you enjoy living with Carlisle's family?"

"Yes."

"Do you ever find Carlisle's restrictions on diet to be…excessive?" Aro seemed to glide forward a step.

"Not really. I don't like the idea of killing humans."

"But even in your brief immortality you must have scented human blood. Surely you can't tell me that the diet of animal blood ever satisfies the craving you feel."

As Aro uttered the words, I realized with alarm that I was getting thirsty – the dry burning was starting to rise in my throat again. Was it already four days since we last hunted? Only four days since we were first visited by Jane? I swallowed and clenched my stomach, trying to ignore the sudden pain in my throat. "It's not so bad," I managed to say.

Aro's eyes narrowed slightly, and the corner of his mouth twitched. He must be able to see my discomfort. "If you join us, you would never go thirsty. Unlike Carlisle, we would not deny you. We would even help you on that issue."

I stared at him as I thought of the implications. My body obviously yearned for it, and the thought of a human blood meal set the venom flowing in my mouth as my throat burned. Yet, at the same time, the horrifying image of Mike and Jessica lying dead at my feet swam before my mind's eye. I didn't remember much of the act of killing Mike and Jessica, so while I still had the newborn instincts running through me, I knew I could do it again if I gave in to them. But afterward, when I had my wits about me and could see the fear in the eyes of my prey as I came for them... The shudder that went through my shoulders gave me my answer. Carlisle's way made this life livable for me. And the Volturi wouldn't care who they brought to me either – my parents, my friends, any of the people of Forks – it didn't matter. Humans were just so much cattle to them.

I blinked and tried to calm my breathing, which had increased with my thirst. What would they do if I refused them outright? Would they kill me on the spot? There must be something that Aro wanted, or he wouldn't be wasting his time talking to me. I found it hard to believe that my talent was really that valuable to him. What use would it be to protect four vampires from the mental gifts of other vampires, when there were far more Volturi than I could cover? No, he wanted Edward and Alice. I needed to see if I could draw out what he intended to do. "What would it mean if I join you?"

Aro's ever-present smile widened slightly. "We are easily the most powerful coven on earth, so you will always have protection. You will want for nothing, and you can pursue whatever your interests are. Do you enjoy world travel? You see that we travel the world at our whim. Eleazar must have told you he is a painter, yes? He practiced his art to his heart's content and some of his works are still on display in Volterra. He enjoyed his time with us very much."

Yeah, as long as he didn't know he was a prisoner, he was happy. It was a good thing Aro couldn't read my mind even if he was touching me. He took another minute glance to his right. I looked over quickly and caught a shake of the head by a short, female vampire, with softly curling brunette hair and darker brows. I thought I detected an infinitesimal furrowing of Aro's brow before he controlled himself. Then I realized what was going on.

She was the gifted vampire, Chelsea, that Eleazar had talked about, and she had been working on me while Aro conducted this interview. Now I noticed that she alone of all the Guard wore a black cloak, the same color as the three patriarchs. She must really be important to them. Fortunately, I felt nothing different. I had no desire to join the Volturi or serve Aro, and now Aro knew that, too. "But Eleazar did things for you," I said, stalling. "What would you have me do?"

"Something similar to what you were doing with your werewolf friends," Aro replied, as smoothly as if nothing had passed between him and Chelsea. "We have a sacred duty, to maintain the secrecy that allows our kind to live in peace. Sometimes the performance of that duty can be hazardous, so it would be prudent to protect the noble Guard members who safeguard our way of life, don't you think?"

"I was going to become a nurse, to help people like Carlisle does," I said.

Aro made a dismissive noise. "A trite human occupation. Your gift would be wasted there. If you join us, your gift would be appreciated and put to good use. It also could develop further with practice and grow more powerful. Alec was not as powerful when he was first turned as he is now."

Straightening, Aro opened his arms, his cloak spreading like bat wings. "Can you see what would happen to our world if the humans became aware of us? Now we live as we please, free of persecution. What do you imagine would be the reaction if the humans learned that the legends were true? Would they welcome our existence?"

He paused for a moment, waiting. I thought about it and shook my head. The amount of fear and loathing that the legends generated would be nothing compared to what the reality would unleash.

"So you see the good that we do. In this way you can help protect Carlisle and Esme."

Again, I shook my head. "I couldn't leave Edward."

"Oh, I understand," Aro said quickly, no doubt remembering what Marcus had shown him of our relationship. "You need not leave him. We would welcome both of you to our family."

I pretended to think about it some more. Finally, hoping not to antagonize him, I said in a subdued voice, "Thank you, but I like living with Edward's family."

Caius, who had silently glowered at Aro and me during our discussion, suddenly broke in. "Brother, what is the point to all this?"

Aro indicated me with one hand. "Did I not say she had potential, when they visited us? Surely you can see the possibilities! Our Three, impervious to the gifts of other immortals! Think of it!"

I spared a glance in Jane's direction. That angelic face hid a persona that reveled in the pain of others. There was no way I would willingly protect her from anything.

Caius looked down at me, his nose wrinkling into a sneer. "Aro, might I have a word with you?"

Aro glanced at Caius then back at me. "Yes, of course. Excuse me, Bella." Aro and Caius withdrew a distance away, almost into the trees, and the bodyguards moved with them. Marcus drifted away from the pair and toward the two older females. His expression had not altered once throughout this entire conversation; it remained vacant and utterly bored.

Caius was rather agitated, and gesticulated sharply every so often as he spoke with Aro. Aro held his hands palms out toward Caius and seemed to be trying to calm him down. I spared a look around, and saw that in addition to Felix, Demetri and two other vampires I didn't know were watching me intently. Turning back to the discussion of the two ancients, I strained my ears to hear them, but they were very careful. Once in a while a word or two drifted to my ears: "irrelevant," "justice" and "criminals" were the most notable. Finally, Caius clearly said, "Remember our mission!" After a few more exchanges that I couldn't make out, the discussion ended.

The Volturi rulers and their guard glided back toward me. I took a breath and braced myself for whatever they might bring. Caius, who had yet to address me directly, spoke first.

"Where is your family?" he asked sharply. His visage seemed to be even sourer than before.

"I don't know. Maybe on the reservation, maybe they're gone by now." Since I really didn't know where they were, I could answer truthfully. The scouts should have been sent out by now, and might find us at any moment. But then I remembered the message Jacob was to deliver. Edward and the family would know that I had been taken by Jane and Alec. Desperate to find me, they might send more than just a few stealthy scouts now. Knowing Edward, he might send the entire force into the woods. And they would blunder into the full might of the Volturi, unaware that the entire Guard was in Washington.

"Are you aware that you are criminals?"

"What did we do?" I hoped maybe acting dumb would get me more information on their plans.

"You've exposed our secrets." Caius scowled down at me. "You know the rules, yet you chose to reveal yourselves to the werewolf clan. And for what? Peace with werewolves!" Caius spat the last phrase with visible venom.

"If that wasn't enough, you've interfered with our agents. Our agents were performing a sacred duty assigned to them, to purify the world of werewolves. This is for your benefit, and what does your Carlisle do? He leads you in defense of the very scourge we have been trying to eradicate.

"_That_ is why they are criminals and you with them!" Caius leaned towards me. "You do know what happens to criminals, don't you?"

Yes, I did. The last surviving newborn had surrendered to Carlisle, before the Volturi arrived at the battlefield last June. She was no threat, but was still torn apart and burned in front of us by Felix and Jane. An involuntary shudder shook my shoulders and Caius nodded with satisfaction at my fear-widened eyes.

"That's what lies in store for you and your family," he intoned with a note of triumph.

"Caius, please," said Aro. "You know that you get carried away with your justice. Bella, please forgive my brother. The law is very important, as you well know. But he is right about your family. Now, I'm willing to speak with him on your behalf. You can avoid your family's fate if you join us. Wouldn't that be better than dying?"

It was the same accusation Jane had mouthed, only now it came from the leaders. More and more it looked like Edward was right. The idea that this was all a set-up stoked the outrage in me. "How is our treaty with the wolves exposing the secret? That was part of the treaty. If we don't hunt on their land or kill humans, they don't expose our secret. And they've kept the secret for eighty years."

"That is irrelevant. Are they immortals?" Caius' favorite word seemed to be 'irrelevant'. As he stood glaring down at me, I was able to make out the old blood vessels along his nose, under his thinning skin.

"No."

"Then the secret has been exposed. Furthermore, you cannot deny that you have been helping defend the wolves from our scouting party. You are traitors to your own kind. The law must have consequences or no one will respect the law."

Aro grasped Caius' arm as if to pull him away. "Yes, yes brother, I know you love your law, but let me have a moment please." He stepped in front of Caius when he didn't move.

"Bella, please consider," Aro said. "Immortal is perhaps not the most accurate description for us. We _can_ be destroyed and cease to exist. You have a unique and powerful gift. It would be such a waste for that gift to be eliminated from the world. You are new to this life and I think we can pardon you for inexperience."

"What about my family? What about Edward?"

"He is also a criminal!" Caius interrupted.

"Caius, please!" Aro said over his shoulder. "With his gift, he can tell that we are sincere in our purpose. It should be easy for him to see the error of his ways and repent."

"And Alice, too?"

"Considering Alice's gift, I would have thought she would have seen the evil outcome of this course of action. But she has been mistaken before, as she was when she saw you jump off the cliff. I think she can be pardoned for being led astray."

"How about Carlisle? Aren't you supposed to be his friend?"

"While I respect and admire Carlisle, the law cannot be partial to friends or relatives," Aro pretended to shake his head sadly. "If he has led you down this destructive path, then he has to be shown a better way."

"I can't believe you'd claim that Carlisle is a criminal," I exclaimed. "You know as well as I do that he's the most upstanding and honorable man alive."

"You cannot deny that your family has sided with the wolves against us," Caius broke in. "We are only defending ourselves."

"But they didn't attack you," I continued to argue. "Jane attacked them, and then us. If anybody can claim self-defense, _we_ can. We're only protecting ourselves from Jane."

"You must submit to the law." Caius seemed to be in a hurry to spit out the words that condemned me. "You have allowed outsiders to know of our existence, and that is forbidden. For that, their lives and yours are forfeit. I only agreed to allow Aro to talk to you out of courtesy. I don't need to; I have justification to kill you right now!"

"Bella, you can avoid this fate," Aro pleaded with me. "Think of the good you would be doing. Surely that would be better than dying!"

"What about the rest of my family?" I asked.

"_Someone_ must pay the price for your transgressions!" Caius growled. It was true, then. If they left anyone alive, it would only be Edward and Alice, to join the Volturi as Alice had foreseen. It was unthinkable. My family had been one of the best things about my new life. It wasn't right for them to be destroyed for trumped-up reasons.

I didn't hold much hope for it, but maybe Caius would be willing to exchange something for my family. I swallowed and forced myself to say the words. "What if you…kill me instead? Kill me and let them go."

Caius laughed harshly. "We can kill you anyway! Feh! This is pointless!" He pointed his finger at my face. "Bind her again and guard her. She can think about her fate while we make preparations!"

For a moment I thought to run, but several vampires rushed in and grabbed me by the arms. Someone wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled my head back until I could feel it creak. Without options, I stopped struggling. Felix and one I didn't know held my wrists together while Jane wrapped the chain around them again. When she was finished the others dragged me backwards and dropped me against the trunk of a tree. They didn't bother to chain me to it, probably because I had enough strength to uproot it. Instead they posted two guards around me – Felix and the one I didn't know. He had a face like a rat's and with the grey cloak on, it looked even more pronounced. I immediately dubbed him Ratface.

Aro and Caius drifted away from us and rejoined Marcus and the two women. Aro gave a single glance back at me before he turned away. Then he beckoned and Demetri joined them. There was a brief conference, after which Demetri turned and melted away into the woods. I could only guess where he could be going.

I sat against the tree and took stock of the situation. The cloud cover above the forest had broken, and the air had turned chill. My clothes were still damp from the swim, and numerous strands of hair had escaped the ponytail and clung to the sides of my face. The cold winter air surrounding me was filled with the odor of damp forest, and wet, Volturi clothing. With the stress from the interrogation bleeding off, the wellspring of despair began to bubble upward again.

I knew that they would use me to get to Edward. From our discussions of Chelsea's gift, as long as Edward loved me she couldn't turn him. That meant if they did capture him alive, I was doomed. And if Alice were captured, Jasper would fare as well as I did. I was so stupid. If only I hadn't run off to meet with Leah without letting Edward know where I was going.

I admit I was briefly tempted by the offer. If Edward and I joined the Volturi, we could live out our lives together. But they didn't intend to let my family live, and it was unthinkable to have all those lives sacrificed. No, that definitely wouldn't be right. And Aro would want Edward to be a slave. Aro wouldn't call him that but if he wanted Edward's power so much, I couldn't see him letting go of Edward for a minute. If we both lived in Volterra, what kind of existence would that be? Chelsea couldn't turn me, and as long as I was alive, they couldn't turn him. But they could threaten us. One of us would constantly be in jeopardy in order to pressure the other.

To spend forever with Edward, I had given up everything, and now it didn't look like we would get even a year together. When I was human, I hadn't felt worthy of him. Even after he had avowed and proven his love for me, it still seemed somewhat incredible to believe. And after I had been changed, I had wasted so much of our time. Only recently had we gotten back to that complete and total oneness that constituted my true heaven on earth. The image I loved best came to my mind's eye: Edward smiling down at me, one side of his mouth turned up, and the corners of his liquid eyes crinkled with mirth. I ran the sound of his laugh through my head, his velvet voice singing my lullaby to me as we lay in our meadow. I pulled my knees up toward my chest and curled into a ball as the regrets threatened to drown me.

It was such a waste. All that time spent ignoring his feelings for me. All the time spent training for a fight that never happened because we were simply outmaneuvered. If only he and the family could get away. If they could run and hide and keep hiding, that would be some comfort. Demetri might be able to track them, but Alice could see them coming and stay at least one step ahead.

No, they wouldn't run now. They knew the Volturi had me. If anything, Edward would be tearing the woods apart looking for me. And if I were gone, what would he do? He had promised he would try to keep on going, but he wasn't always rational when it came to me. There had to be some way to warn them. Edward had said he could hear someone he knew several miles away. Of all the times it would be useful for him to hear my thoughts, now would be the time. It was a matter of life or death. If only I could turn off my shield…

Inspiration struck like pure electricity, and I had to force myself not to react and draw attention from my guards. I _could_ do something. I wasn't dead, and even though held captive, I wasn't helpless. Kate was right. We do what we can.

I sat up a little straighter and let my legs relax a little as I tried to look around casually. I counted what looked like twenty-four vampires, including the royal family. That made twenty-five with Demetri. If they had all been normal vampires, the odds would have been even with the wolves and my family. But with Jane, Alec, and now Chelsea, it was a different story. I wondered how many of the others would be talented as well. Felix was the closest guard to me, and while he had taken part in my abduction, he hadn't been exactly antagonistic towards me. I thought I could at least try with him.

"Felix?" I asked quietly. He looked down at me and raised an eyebrow. "Is Aro serious about me joining?"

Felix shrugged his huge shoulders. "Could be. He does that from time to time."

"Does he only want talented vampires?"

Again the shrug. "Not really. I'm not talented, and neither is Santiago here." Felix pointed at the guard I'd called Ratface, who stood at my right. He was not quite as huge as Felix, yet still carried an air of menace about him.

"If you don't mind my asking, who else is talented?"

In that odd relationship that sometimes springs up between prisoner and jailer, he seemed almost expansive in his willingness to shepherd a new charge. "Renata protects Aro." Felix pointed at the female near the patriarch. "Nobody can touch who she shields. Afton…" He pointed at the male near the two older vampire women. "Can also shield, but not like you can. And you know Alec and Jane."

I nodded. "Do you think I'd fit in?" I wasn't serious, but I had to make it seem like I was interested.

Felix grinned again. "I did say it looks good on you."

I gave him a half-smile then looked away. It was encouraging that they didn't have any more offensive talent like Alec or Jane. But it was still enough to give any coven on earth serious problems.

I closed my eyes and slowly took a breath. I extended my senses as far as I could. The ambient sounds painted a picture of a deep valley in the hills, not too far from the coast. I couldn't be sure how far we had traveled from La Push, but I had to try. I exhaled and pulled my dampening field in, compressing it into a sphere in the center of my body, and leaving the rest of me exposed. I began shouting as loud as my thoughts would let me.

_Edward! Edward! It's Bella! I'm all right, but you have to listen to me! There are more than four Volturi here. Aro, Caius and Marcus are here too. There are twenty-five total. All the guard! You and Jasper were right. Take the family and run! There's no way you can beat them all! Don't worry about me, I'll find a way to get free. I'll find you. I love you more than anything_.

I repeated it several times, in various ways. I pictured the mental image of the surrounding terrain for him. For good measure, I tried pushing the thoughts as hard as I could using the mental intention that Eleazar had taught me. I didn't know if it would work with thoughts, but it couldn't hurt. And if this was all I could do at the moment, I would pour my soul into it.

My captors didn't bother me, probably satisfied that I wasn't trying to escape. I kept at my refrain, picking it up at roughly ten minute intervals. All the time, I prayed that Edward would hear me. _Please, Edward, you have to listen to me. You have to live. Take the family and get out of here. Go find Emmett and Rosalie. Keep yourselves safe…_

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I must have been at my silent efforts for about an hour when footsteps announced some new arrivals. Opening my eyes, I let my shield snap back to normal.

"Hold her." It was Jane's voice coming from the side, and dread rose in me like a looming grizzly bear. What did she want now? Felix and Santiago responded to her command by grabbing my arms. As I turned my head to follow the voice, she walked into my view.

"You're still newborn, aren't you?" she asked in voice that, for her, sounded gleeful. I knew something was coming from the way she smiled at me. I wasn't about to give her anything, so kept quiet and presented her with an empty stare. "So you must be getting thirsty. But you like animals, don't you? Isn't that what Carlisle makes you eat?" Her expression of mock pity was absolutely infuriating. Just like Eleazar said, she was still a juvenile. I don't know how old she really was but some things hadn't changed. I figured the only way to deal with her was to not give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

"Well, don't you worry, we've brought you a little something. Heidi?" Jane beckoned to my left. I turned my head to see.

Heidi stepped forward carrying something over her shoulder. She bent and dumped it next to Jane, and I gasped. It was a man. He was dressed for sleeping, not for being out on this wet winter night, and I could see his lips were starting to turn pale. But he didn't wake — simply flopped on the ground where he'd been dropped — so Heidi must have sedated him somehow. He was middle-aged, perhaps thirty or thirty-five years old with a full beard and matted, dark brown hair. He hadn't showered in quite a while, probably one of the people who lived off the grid in the wilderness areas of Washington.

All this I noted in an instant and forgot in the next. Jane picked up his hand, casually slit his wrist with a fingernail, and held it out toward me. The scent of human blood struck me before I could hold my breath. My nostrils flared and I sucked the scent in. A collective hiss surrounded me as the scent reached the others in the clearing. I surged to my feet without knowing I did it, but the guards held me back, struggling and hissing.

I was vaguely aware of Jane still speaking in one corner of my mind. "You see? You think you're better than us for not killing humans, but look at you! Your body knows better than you do, because you want to kill him, don't you?" She waved the bloody hand at me, back and forth, a juicy steak in front of a hungry lion.

My thoughts seemed to shatter and run in a dozen fragmented directions, as I felt the vestiges of my humanity being pushed aside. My body kept struggling and tried to break free to fall on the human. I wished I had thought to apply more of Kate's ointment, because it had worn off long ago. I was appalled at the callousness of the Volturi for abducting an innocent victim for the sheer joy of tormenting me. Worse yet was the knowledge that he was doomed, because there was no way that they would dress his wound and just put him back where they found him, sedated or not.

Another fragment of me realized that while many hands were holding me back, nobody had thought to hold my legs. There were several knees nearby that I could break with well-placed kicks. I didn't need my hands for that. But if I weakened, if I gave in to the temptation and fought my way free and killed the human, what would Edward say? Carlisle would forgive me, but Edward would be guilt-ridden. Again. If he had not changed me, I would not be a triple-murderer. He would have allowed me to come to this. I closed my eyes to that possible escape route so I wouldn't be tempted. In this the imprisoning hands were my friends.

My reason began to slip away, and the monster clamored to be released. This must have been how Jasper had felt at my horrible eighteenth birthday party – desperate to kill, mortified that he had lost control just before Edward had pushed me out of the way into the pile of glass plates…

My eyes snapped open and I stopped struggling against the restraining hands. They were holding my upper arms and shoulders, but not my chained wrists. I swung my forearms up and, with a crunch of glass, smashed the chains against the jar of ointment stored in the left breast pocket of my fatigues. As I thought, my chest was as solid as Edward's once was to me and easily crushed the jar with no ill effects. Then I hunched my head down into my chest and, with the crook of my elbow, awkwardly pushed the pocket toward my nose. I breathed in deeply and the pungent odor of the ointment filled my nostrils like sweet oxygen, driving off the scent of human blood from my senses.

As I panted heavily, the urge to kill faded from my mind. I was still thirsty, but at least the mindless instinct was gone. I focused on the cleansing odor like a lifeline to my sanity. I couldn't weaken, I couldn't.

I heard a high-pitched screech and held my breath. Jane put a hand on my forehead and pushed my head up, forcing me to meet her eyes. She scrubbed the human's hand on my face, smearing my cheeks with blood, but I clamped down on my breath like a bulldog, lips tight, refusing to breathe. I could have just opened my mouth and bit, but then she would have won. And that wasn't going to happen.

Jane glanced down at my neck and threw the human aside. Before I realized what she was doing she grabbed the silver chain from around my neck and snapped it off, holding it up as I tried to lurch after her.

"What's this?" she crowed maliciously.

"Give it back!" I yelled at her.

"Why? Is it important?" Jane looked down at the stone heart and drawled, "_Ma Chanteuse_? This must be from Edward, is it?"

I clenched my mouth shut again, glaring, not wanting to confirm it, not wanting to let her know just how much it meant to me.

Jane's eyes glittered as she gripped the stone in her granite hand. "Not important, then?" And to my horror, she squeezed. A dull pop sounded from within her hand, like a muffled explosion. Then she opened her fingers and let the fragments fall to the ground.

The scream came from my soul and the rage that I hadn't felt in a long time roared up to consume me. I surged forward, dragging my captors a step before they could arrest my movement, keeping me from reaching Jane's grinning face. But that wasn't stopping me. Dropping onto my knees, I dragged at my guards and the sudden shift made them stagger, before they could pull me up again. As they pulled me up, I stepped forward and hauled my right shoulder and upper arm around. It was awkward with my wrists chained together and not a clean throw, but Santiago tumbled around me and landed on Jane's legs, knocking her down.

I raised my arms and was about to try to fall on Jane, ready to use the chains as a club on her face. But more hands grabbed me and hauled me back. A blaze of light filled my vision as somebody struck the back of my head with a resounding crack.

"HOLD!"

The shout brought all movement to a stop. Except for me that is. I continued to struggle, my head aching and my heart on fire. Jane was evil and the fire couldn't be quenched until I had torn off her head and pounded it into the earth. Then another part of my mind sensed a number of vampires entering the vicinity. They seemed to stand there, waiting while I struggled with my captors. Slowly, the futility of my situation sunk in. Panting with effort, I pushed back the rage, swallowing the fire enough to see who it was. Finally I recognized the Volturi ancients and their guards.

"Stop!" called Aro. "What transpires here?" Aro looked about the clearing, taking in the struggling knot of vampires, Jane and the other guard sprawled on the ground, Heidi standing off to the side, and the human lying on the ground. He extended his hand. "Jane?" he said, in a question that was all command.

Jane extricated herself from under Santiago, who rose and returned to his post guarding me. I felt a hint of satisfaction as Jane hesitated, then step after dragging step, she approached Aro and complied. Aro's expression grew angry, which manifested as a slight furrowing of the brow and firming of the mouth.

Aro released Jane's hand. "I am most disappointed, Jane. I should have told you to leave her alone."

"But, Master – "

"Enough, Jane!" I imagine this was the loudest Aro's voice ever got, but he still sounded like a Sunday school teacher. "I was hoping to convince Bella to join us. If she were so inclined before you began tormenting her, I seriously doubt she will now."

"Not unless you let me kill Jane," I snarled through clenched teeth.

"But Master, we don't need – " Jane began.

"Silence! _We_ decide what the Volturi need! Do I make myself clear?"

Jane ducked her head. "Yes, Master," she said sullenly.

Aro seemed to take several moments to compose himself, and when he spoke his voice was even again. "I don't understand, dear one, you've always been a joy to me. But now your anger against Bella has made you rash, and placed me in a difficult position. From now on, you will do nothing in regard to Bella unless we expressly order it. Is that understood?" Aro held Jane's gaze, until she inclined her head.

"Yes, Master."

"Let this be the end of it then," Aro said. I briefly wondered if this was as angry as Aro got. And if he ever got angrier, what sort of consequence might he levy that would deter Jane? If their loyalty was bound that tightly, was the thought of being cast out the ultimate penalty? Aro wouldn't do it, of course, but he could threaten.

Aro turned his attention to me again, the smile back on his face. "I am so sorry about Jane's behavior, Bella. But tell me, did you like the smell of human blood?"

The hate I felt for Jane still swam in my mouth. My throat still burned with the thirst that she had stoked into open flame. I thought Aro was going to ask if I had reconsidered his offer and I was ready to tell him where he could stick it. His question caught me completely unprepared, and I stared at him as the shame crept up the back of my neck, distracting me from the other feelings coursing through my body. I self-consciously wiped my cheeks on my sleeves, hoping I got all the blood off.

"You _did_ like it," he said with satisfaction. "Even without reading your thoughts, I can tell. What do you think Carlisle would say if he knew how you truly wanted to kill that human?"

I knew Carlisle would be understanding. But I wasn't worried about him. It was Edward who would somehow find a way to blame himself for my lack of control. Even without trying, Aro had found my sensitive spot. I hesitated for a moment, not sure how to answer him. In this case the truth would be the easiest.

"Carlisle would understand. He understood before…" I stopped because I didn't think Aro needed to know everything. Unfortunately, he was too quick.

"So you have killed humans," he said with certain delight. "But you should not be ashamed of it. It's only who you are. Believe me, you would never need to be ashamed of killing humans if you live with us."

The shame I had put away over killing Mike and Jessica came back partially. I might never outgrow the desire to kill humans, but once I came to my senses I would still have to live with the guilt. "But I don't want to kill humans," I said. "That's not who I want to be."

"Well, let that pass," Aro asked. "You could continue your diet if you chose to live with us. Carlisle did. For years he lived among us and never killed a human."

I didn't know what to say to that. If I wasn't useful to the Volturi in some way, they would kill me. They might already be planning to do that. But if they thought they could get something from me, maybe that would buy me a little more time. I needed to do whatever I could to get back to Edward's side.

I had to live for Edward, but the idea of betraying him to the Volturi and allowing him to be enslaved by them filled me with revulsion. I couldn't do that to him even if it meant my own survival. I sat mute with my mouth slightly open, slowly shaking my head back and forth.

"Enough talk, Aro," Caius interrupted harshly. "We approach the appointed hour, and I think it is clear that she does not wish to join us." Then he sneered down at me. "But she can still be useful. Bring her with us."

The two guards on my arms pulled me to my feet. "Heidi, be a dear and dispose of that, won't you?" Aro said pointing at the man, who had stirred slightly throughout this whole commotion but never came around. Blood still dripped slowly from his wrist. I felt a prick of guilt that I couldn't do anything for him. If I tried anything, I would disappear under a pile of grey. But at least he wouldn't wake up to see what was coming. Aro turned to address the Volturi Guard.

"Hear me, my children! Another crisis has risen. A coven has violated the law, and we are called to put things right. This coven has the temerity to claim our fiercest enemies as their allies. That is right, the werewolves Jane has been hunting.

"Ordinarily, we see one or two of these creatures at a time. It may be this night that you will need to face, not one, but many of these horrors. Will you quail in the face of these evil creatures?"

There was a shouted chorus of "no", "nay" and "no, master." Aro's face widened in a proud smile. "Ah, you always delight me, my dear ones. Where we go tonight, you will need every iota of your courage. We come against an enemy who can read our every thought as if it were his own. We come against an enemy who can predict our movements almost as soon as we think of them. It will not be easy, but it is necessary. The peace of the immortals is threatened. Are you with me?" A low rumble of "aye" and "yes, master" rolled through the clearing.

"Onward!" shouted Caius. "Follow Demetri!"

Demetri moved first and the rest of the Volturi began to move after him, a sudden migration of dark cloaks. Felix and Santiago pulled me forward, and we began to follow after the Guard. It was a little awkward running with my wrists tied together and once in a while I stumbled against one guard or the other, who would shove me back upright.

We crossed many low hills and valleys, jumped over numerous ravines and streams before we topped the final rise and I could see the Quillayute River flowing through the valley below us. We had come a long way from the Volturi encampment, and I felt it must be farther than Edward said he could normally hear thoughts. My spirits flagged at the thought that they might not have heard me. But before I could stop to try again, the swarm of vampires flowed downhill toward the river, and I was pulled along. Finally we stopped when we reached the banks of the Quillayute.

At a single command from Caius, most of the Guard spread out along the riverbank. Some climbed to the top of a couple rocky outcroppings that overlooked the river. Only the bodyguards I had seen with the wives stayed in the rear with them. Renata and a couple others stayed with Aro, Caius and Marcus. Jane and Alec took a position in the vanguard, and Felix dragged me along and pushed me down onto the rocky beach, where I fell several paces in back of them.

As I sat up, I knew I should be frightened out of my wits but I seemed to be running on adrenaline as I drew closer to whatever my fate would be. The rain had stopped again, and we could see across the river to the woods and the banks on the other side. There was no sign of anybody on the opposing bank, and I hoped that meant that my message had gotten through.

I began to look around me, thinking about what I might be able to do to make my own escape. Santiago had moved off to take a position upstream, but Felix still remained relatively close. The wives didn't look very menacing, but their guards were behind me, cutting off that avenue as well. The only comparative sanctuary lay across the river, on the reservation. I doubted Carlisle would desert the wolf pack, but even if my family had fled, the wolves wouldn't leave their tribe behind. If I could reach the other side, maybe we could at least take some of the Volturi with us before they finished us off. I could possibly leap into the water, but with my wrists bound I wasn't going to swim very far.

"Maybe they've changed their minds," Aro said thoughtfully.

"It is possible," Caius replied. "But if so, we have misjudged the value of the girl."

My stomach turned over at those words. I looked up at Felix and saw that he was watching me. He gave a shrug as if to say 'sorry, that's the way things are.' But my fear was tempered by the hope that maybe they had gotten my message, and wouldn't come to be killed by the Volturi.

Then Jane's dull voice broke in. "There they are, Master."

My head snapped up and I looked across the river. Several shadows detached themselves from the darkened woods and moved toward the river bank. There was one large, hulking shape, and several leaner, and smaller shapes. When they came out from under the trees I could make out their faces as they stopped at the water's edge. Carlisle was at the center, Edward and Jasper stood to Carlisle's left and right. Alice held Jasper's hand and I saw with shock that Emmett stood to Edward's left. Eleazar stood at the end next to Emmett. But Kate, Rosalie, Esme, Tanya and Carmen were nowhere to be seen. And I could only count a few wolf-shaped shadows. Where had everybody gone?

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* * *

><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_A/N: Is Jane evil, or what? *grin*_


	28. Chapter 27: End Game

_**A/N**: When I started this, I never imagined it would go beyond ten chapters, let alone twenty. I'm so thankful for all of you who have stayed with me this far!_

_My everlasting gratitude to_ Katmom _and to _sherryola_, for their invaluable advice and suggestions! This story is SOOOOO much better for their efforts. Thank you, ladies!  
><em>

_So the EPOV outtake from Cygnus that I donated to **Fandom for Oklahoma **takes place in the space before this chapter. If you were able to help support this great cause, I thank you very much. You can find more information here: "**h_t_t_p : / / Oklahoma . fandomcause . info**" (delete the spaces and underscores)._

__**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer, the great and powerful, owns Twilight and all the characters; I'm just playing dress-up. No copyright infringement is intended.__

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><p><span>Chapter 27 – Endgame<span>

I adjusted my vision and instantly locked onto Edward. His face was drawn and radiated despair. Our eyes met with an almost audible snap and a little of the worry seeped out of him as he saw me. My hair felt matted and several locks had escaped my ponytail and hung across my face. Inside I was still seething over Jane destroying Edward's necklace, but I was uninjured. Edward gave me a quick inspection and when he saw the chains on my wrists his lips curled back from his teeth.

Only four wolves stood on the river bank. I could see the huge black bulk of Sam, the dark-silver coat of Paul, but the other two I didn't know well enough to recognize in their wolf forms. Where was the rest of the pack? The whole point of the alliance with them was for strength in numbers. Where was Jacob? Had Alec and Demetri killed him after all, instead of letting him go to carry their message?

I closed my eyes and forced myself to calm down. They had to have let him go to give the warning message to Carlisle. That was the only way to pressure them, to keep them from trying anything. That made sense and I held on to that thought to keep from freaking out. At the same time, ice splinters of dread began to fill my stomach. They had come walking into danger, and my efforts to warn them were for nothing.

Aro, Caius and Marcus moved toward the river and the bodyguards shadowed them. I looked back to see that the older vampire women had settled onto several large rocks to watch. None of them seemed overly concerned over the prospect of watching a battle unfold.

"Carlisle! Eleazar!" Aro called across the river. "How good to see you both! It has been such a very long time! Where is the rest of your coven?"

Carlisle replied and I could easily hear his voice carry over the water. "I sent them away. We've come as you requested Aro. You claim to come to discuss our misdeeds. Yet you've abducted my daughter-in-law."

"A misunderstanding," Aro began smoothly. "Jane was aware that I was curious about Bella's gift and was only too eager to please me."

"Misunderstanding? Why is she in chains?" Edward interjected, white fury sparking from him. He proceeded to quote, "'Bella will be our guest for the foreseeable future. Do not attempt to find her or there will be consequences.' What is there to misunderstand? You're holding Bella hostage!" His fists were clenched, the cords of his neck muscles stood taut, and flecks of venom flew from his lips as he spoke.

"Let Bella go and we'll talk, Aro," Carlisle said.

I expected Aro to deflect Edward's accusation but Caius spoke first. "I think we'll talk this way. You've allied yourselves with werewolves. We're only prudent to establish insurance for your good behavior!"

"We only allied with them because Jane attacked them first," Carlisle answered. "We met Jane and her group off tribal lands. If they had gone straight back to Volterra, none of the wolf pack would have encountered them. You had no quarrel with them and are the aggressors in this case."

"They're werewolves, you fool!" Caius shouted. "Whether here, or in the mother country, they must be eradicated!"

"Is that a new law, Caius?" Eleazar spoke calmly. "I wasn't aware that we were bound to maintain secrecy, as well as aid your personal vendetta against werewolves."

Caius sputtered for a second and Aro stepped in. "You, of all people, should know the transgressions committed here, Eleazar. The secret has been revealed to this tribe of werewolves for the last eighty years. We are here to right that wrong. When I agreed to release you from service, I never thought to see you in the company of law-breakers."

"I found a more peaceful existence." Eleazar shrugged. "And I'm here to prevent an injustice."

"They have not exposed our secret," Carlisle insisted. "That was one of the terms of the treaty we made with them."

"Treaty!" Caius spat. "The law is plain and simple. For the secret to be maintained, it must be kept amongst immortals! Do you not understand what a secret is?

"We allowed Edward to leave Volterra with his human. Why? He swore he would grant her immortality and he has. These –" Caius pointed at the wolves. "You cannot give them immortality, and you do not intend to kill them!" Caius quickly reached to the side for Aro's hand, and Aro gave a slight nod. I saw Edward's frown darken in response.

"In fact," Caius continued expansively with a wicked smile, "I offer you a chance to redeem yourselves. Join us now and help us perform the duty you should have accomplished before. Kill the wolves and all will be forgiven!"

Carlisle didn't even consider Caius' draconian offer for a second. "I don't believe you, Caius, and I disagree. Your accusations are based on a technicality of your own choosing. We are not the ones who exposed the secret to the werewolves. Their legends pre-date our arrival on this peninsula, and speak of marauding vampires killing their people back then. _Those_ immortals exposed the secret in the past, not us.

"Furthermore, the secret is quite safe, as they don't even tell members of their own tribe that there are werewolves, let alone vampires. And we've proven that we don't need to be enemies. We couldn't stand on the same river bank if they were."

"But you consume _animals_!" Caius said as if speaking about leprosy. "Only if you deny your nature can you maintain this peace. The moment you return to your true self, they will fall on you again!"

"How is that relevant to whether or not the secret is safe?" Edward asked, his voice harsh and contemptuous. "You're grasping at threadbare excuses, Caius. Or are your prejudices pushing aside your judgment?"

"There are no excuses where traitors are involved!" Caius seemed on the verge of apoplexy. If he were like Charlie, the veins in his temples would be about ready to burst. "You stand there, with our enemies! No more need be said!"

"You have no authority to judge us," Eleazar quietly objected. "The moment you began to abuse your power, you relinquished your right to judge. If anybody is guilty, it's you. Guilty of corruption."

"This isn't the first time Volterra has acted against us without provocation," Edward growled. "Last June, you sent Jane and her cohorts to quell a newborn uprising in Seattle. But instead of stopping them, she sent them on their way, hoping we would be destroyed in the process."

"Interesting." Aro looked amused. "How did you learn of this?"

"The last surviving member of the newborn army told me."

"And where is this witness?" Caius' sneer grew more pronounced.

"Felix...killed her," Edward admitted darkly.

"Then you have no proof." Caius smirked.

"Be that as it may, allowing you to commit genocide, even of those you consider enemies, would be wrong," Carlisle countered. "Most of the tribe is completely unaware of our world, but you don't intend to spare them. How do you plan to keep a mass killing like that a secret? You'll expose us yourselves."

Caius threw his head back and laughed contemptuously. "You're still so naïve, Carlisle! The sadistic grin widened on his face. "The key is not to leave any witnesses or evidence. Fire can be quite effective. And you're a doctor; you know we don't leave fingerprints."

"And you wonder why I denied myself the pleasure of your company." Carlisle shook his head sadly. "Whether or not you believe God exists for creatures like us, I'm still a man of peace. In killing these people, you would be committing a crime against God and humanity." Carlisle folded his arms across his chest.

"If God didn't intend for vampires or werewolves to exist, He would not have allowed it," Carlisle continued. "You claim to have a sacred duty to annihilate these beings? Even if you condemn us, I have a far more sacred duty to defend them!"

Aro spoke as quietly as if he were seated in a parlor. "Is that your final word, Carlisle?"

"It is."

"Do you not care for your daughter-in-law?" Caius gloated.

"I care for her very much," Carlisle retorted. "But if I know Bella, she would prefer for us to stand up for our ideals, and defend the wolves you've slated for execution."

I nodded, trying to catch Carlisle's eye. He noticed my movement, and a faint, grim smile touched one corner of his mouth.

"Very well. We will deliberate." Aro straightened and held his arms out wide. "But while we discuss, think among yourselves. No matter the verdict today, we are not without mercy. If any of you were to join us today, your transgressions will be forgiven." A snort of laughter that sounded like Emmett came from the other side of the river. The Volturi didn't seem to notice.

"You also, Eleazar," Aro added. "If you wish to resume your previous duties with us, there would be no repercussions."

Eleazar stood silently, a tight smile on his face. He shook his head slowly.

Aro sighed and turned away. As the ancients withdrew, I didn't think they would actually deliberate anything. This was all show and they were just going through the motions. Caius' mind was made up before he got here. Aro wanted what he wanted. Marcus still didn't seem to care one way or the other.

All the attention was on the royal trio, so I took my chance. Breathing out, I pulled my dampening field in. I whispered as quietly in my mind as I could so as not to startle Edward.

_Edward?_ He flinched as if Kate had shocked him, and looked at me. So much for subtlety. _Did you hear me earlier when I called to you? Blink once for yes, twice for no._

I watched closely as Edward slowly blinked once. Frustration rose in my throat. _Why didn't you take the family and run?_

Edward quickly blinked no.

I sighed. _What are we going to do? Do we have a plan?_

Yes.

I felt a bubble of hope and had to control my excitement. _Can I help?_

His eyes narrowed slightly, but he still blinked 'yes.'

_How?_

After a moment's hesitation, Edward surreptitiously lowered his head. I was usually pretty good at charades but had to think about this one.

_Look down?_

No. He straightened up, then bobbed his head down again and hunched his shoulders. I glanced around quickly, worried if anybody else had noticed his movements.

_Duck?_

Yes.

I stared into his eyes. What in the world were they planning? He gazed at me with a more intense expression and a slight lift to his eyebrows, questioning me. I realized he was waiting for an answer. _All right,_ I thought. _But be careful. You have to live. I love you._ Even under all this stress, he gave a hint of a smile and blinked yes.

Aro, Caius and Marcus stepped forward, having concluded their 'deliberation.' But I noticed they didn't move as close to the riverbank as before. I could feel the agitation building in me as we neared the moment that they had been scheming toward all along. Up and down the riverbank, the Guard members pushed back their hoods. Some removed their cloaks completely and set them aside.

"The charge is treason!" Caius shouted. "Consorting with the natural enemies of immortals! There has been no evidence presented to refute these charges. I vote they are guilty!" My palms itched with the urge to smack the satisfied smirk off his face.

"Marcus? What say you?" prompted Aro.

Marcus stirred only slightly. "I abstain," he said finally.

"I am afraid I agree with Caius," Aro stated, his face a study in regret I was sure he didn't feel. "You have not disproved the accusations, in fact, you've embraced them. I have no choice but to vote that you are guilty." He quickly raised one hand. "But before we pronounce sentence, who among you have considered our offer?" No one moved on the other side of the river.

Aro continued. "Because of the unusual circumstances, I'm willing to make an offer we've never made before. If Alice and Edward were to come live with us, we would be willing to consider clemency for the rest of the family." Caius turned blazing eyes on Aro, but I heard Aro shush him under his breath. Caius held his tongue but did not look happy. "Also, Bella will not be harmed. I think that is the best I can offer."

"What about the wolves?" asked Carlisle.

Aro looked at Caius before responding. "I can't guarantee that. But I can offer a temporary reprieve while we consider a longer term solution. I can offer no more than that. The alternative…"

"There is only one punishment for breaking the law," Caius intoned.

At these words, Felix moved right behind me, a movement not lost on Edward. I was right. Neither of us would be safe if we chose to live in Volterra. Edward glared at Felix, then sighed and looked down at Alice. I don't know what passed between the two of them, but Alice turned to Carlisle and embraced him. Edward shook Carlisle's hand, then Emmett's. Then he and Alice turned toward the river. I couldn't believe it when they walked into the water. They shouldn't let the threat to me force them to cave in.

"I'm not worth it! Stay on the other side!" I shouted.

"Silence!" Caius commanded.

Felix placed a heavy hand on the back of my neck, and Edward's glower darkened even further. I was doubly surprised when Jasper and Eleazar stepped forward and joined Alice and Edward in crossing the river. Aro and Caius murmured in discussion as they watched this new development. All four started wading across the river, and I couldn't help thinking how lonely and forlorn Carlisle and Emmett looked standing there with the wolves. Aro glanced over at Chelsea, who stood with rapt focus on them.

With a flash of insight, I suddenly realized that they really were up to something and this was part of it. The only family members in sight were bonded life mates. Chelsea wouldn't be able to affect them. But they were walking directly into Alec and Jane's hands. I had to do something.

I was sitting directly behind the twins, and I might be able to extend my field out to engage them. If I could just neutralize them, our family would have a fighting chance. I quickly exhaled and centered myself. Raising my hands slightly, I pushed my field out. One, two, four feet, it reached out. But when I touched five feet, it slowed and stopped. Alec was just out of my reach, and my field petered out seemingly inches away from them.

I couldn't believe it. So close and yet they might as well be on the other side of the river. I had to succeed, but I needed to get closer somehow. Glancing around me, I saw all eyes were focused on the four figures crossing the river.

Slowly, I pushed myself up on my hands, then began getting my feet under me. With another shove, Felix pushed me back down again. "Stay down," he muttered. I sprawled to the rocky beach again, but used his push to fall forward. Again, I sat up, exhaled and extended. One, two, four feet. This time I felt the faint edge of my field make contact with Alec and then Jane. It wasn't strong, only the tenuous nebula where the field ended, but I had contact. I held it there with all the intention I could muster, and hoped it would be enough. I remembered how, during our experiment with the whole family, I was only able to partially cover Alice. We hadn't checked if I blocked her sight, so I wasn't sure how much of Jane's gift I would stop.

Edward, Alice, Jasper and Eleazar were passed the river's midway point. The men were chest deep in the water, and Alice was swimming. Closer and closer they drew to us. I kept my focus on Alec and Jane with all my strength.

Alec began to lean forward slightly, then he hunched his head, as if increasing his effort. Suddenly he looked back at the patriarchs. "Master, they're not stopping!" he cried in panic.

"Master! I can't touch them, either!" Jane's cry was equally as hysterical as her brother's.

Exclamations of surprise rose from the ranks of the Volturi. It was working! I hid my jubilation with effort; apparently Alec and Jane had never failed before. I knew better than to risk a glance backward, and prayed that none would notice my outstretched hands. I would have lowered them but feared I would lose what little contact I had. Unfortunately my fears of discovery were correct.

"It's the girl!" shouted Caius. "Somehow, it's the girl! Kill her!"

At that moment, everybody in the river ducked under water. The sound of several boulders crashing together rang out, followed closely by the crack of small explosions rumbling across the river valley. To my surprise, Jane and Alec fell backward as if pole-axed. More Guards fell, and more explosions echoed into the night. It sounded like cannon fire, but there were no flashes or puffs of smoke. Yet every time a dark figure fell, it was followed by a burst of sound.

"Attack!" Caius roared. "Kill them all!"

I saw Demetri lean over and pick up something that had rolled to his feet. He tapped Santiago on the shoulder and waved at two other guardsmen. They all leaped far out into the river and began to swim, heading upriver slightly.

A heavy arm snaked around my head and when I realized what was happening, I tucked my chin as Eleazar had taught me.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Felix's deep voice muttered in my ear, and I felt a hard wrench on my neck. Only my tensed muscles saved me from the initial shock, but the iron hand continued to pull with untold power. The chains kept me from getting a purchase on Felix's arm, and I could feel my chin beginning to turn. It was only a matter of time before Felix would tear off my head. Desperate, I swung my chained wrists backward like an axe and smashed him once, twice, three times in the face.

Suddenly, I felt weightless and the air whistled by, then a crash knocked the wind out of me and I lay momentarily stunned. Felix had thrown me against one of the rock faces that overlooked the beach. I opened my eyes with my back against the cliff to see Felix bearing down on me.

I scrambled to my feet and Felix waded in swinging. I managed to use my bound wrists to deflect a left-right-left combination, and ducked below a kick to the head. Unfortunately, I realized now how much Eleazar's style relied on maintaining contact through the hands and forearms. In addition to hampering my movement, the chains kept me from fully sensing the energy coming from Felix's blows, and I was forced to rely more on reflexes and hand-eye coordination — something we hadn't practiced as much. Unwilling to trust myself at close range, I tried to back away and was stopped by the rock.

Felix attacked again and I blocked as well as I could. Several times I dodged and he struck rock, spraying us with dust and fragments of stone. I didn't catch all of one blow and it clipped my temple. Stars filled my vision, and I had to fight to stay on my feet. I lashed out blindly with a heel kick and managed to connect enough to send him flying back.

Felix wasn't grinning anymore and jumped back in. I struck him across the face with both hands, but he grabbed the front of my shirt and began raining monstrous blows on me with his other fist. I kept my arms up, deflecting the massive pounding, the chains acting like armor plate, but the power of his punches kept coming through. I was able to keep him from landing a solid blow, but I ached about my head, neck and shoulders where he grazed me. Each strike rang out like a hammer on an anvil.

A sudden metallic crack resounded and I felt the chains around my wrists begin to loosen. Felix raised his fist again, and I responded — but it was a feint. Grabbing my shoulder instead, he pulled me forward and buried his knee in my belly. I doubled over, gasping like a fish, unable to move. Through the pain I felt Felix's hands settle around my neck and prayed Edward wouldn't see. My only regret was that I didn't have time to tell him goodbye. Then a sudden roar filled my ears and a wall of russet fur crashed into Felix from the side. I was knocked to the ground and felt Felix's hands slip away.

As my head cleared, I became aware of an environment of absolute mayhem. Vampires and werewolves were fighting and struggling up and down the rocky river bank. Here and there gouts of flame lanced into the night from some kind of flame-throwing device held by a Volturi guardsman. Jane and Alec were still down, but Jane was beginning to stir, holding her hands to her face.

Jacob and Felix dueled in a dance of death; Jacob lunging, ripping and tearing with his fangs, not stopping for an instant. Jacob had torn off one forearm at the initial impact before Felix had pushed him off. Felix tried to land a solid blow or catch hold of Jacob but wasn't as fast as the raging werewolf.

I took advantage of the moment's respite to unwind the rest of the chains from my wrists. Even titanium alloy couldn't take the amount of punishment Felix could deliver. I wondered if I should help Jacob or take care of Alec and Jane. Then I saw Jane raise herself on an elbow, one hand covering her right eye. Suddenly, every werewolf on the beach collapsed, writhing, onto the sand.

Felix raised his remaining fist high, his feet planted wide like a lumberjack.

"NO!" I screamed.

The gigantic fist swung down like a pendulum of doom and landed with a sickening crunch on Jacob's back. He gave a horrifying yelp and collapsed onto the rocky ground, not moving at all, eyes closed with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

Only part of me dimly registered that fact. Grief and fury exploded in my chest and my head felt like it burst out to three times its normal size. The air was filled with screams of rage that rang in my ears as I leaped and landed on the monster's back.

Striking, tearing, gouging, clawing, I ripped at it in any way I could to destroy it. It had to die. Its clothing was torn, some hair was ripped from its head, but it still stood. Then it reached up, grabbed my arm and threw me against the rock.

The impact seemed to jar my awareness loose from my body as I leaned against the rock, dazed. I felt like I was looking down from above as Felix advanced on my helpless body. I urged it to move and the all-consuming fireball of anger expanded and reached out to pull me back into it. But I couldn't let the rage win, either. Part of me realized that only by staying in control had I survived the first encounter with Felix. If I lost control again, he would finish me. Yet I needed to move my body and soon; Felix was closing in.

Calling on all that I had learned in the past months, I expanded my senses to their fullest extent, embracing all that I could see, hear, feel, smell, and taste, including the rage. Part of me noted the roaring sensation as I rose up over it all. I saw various knots of conflict taking place in the water and on the beach – vampires trying to finish the werewolves, vampires fighting with vampires. The bank on the other side of the river was empty. On the Volturi's left flank, a number of wolves and dark-cloaked vampires stood about motionless, not attacking even though they were right in front of each other. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a slim, grey wolf pouncing on Jane as she tried to stagger to her feet. Her focus broken, all across the battlefield werewolves shook off the agony and resumed the attack with relish.

Jane cried out and fell. The grey wolf tossed an arm aside with a contemptuous flick of her head, and closed in again. Time seemed to stand still for a moment, then a shriek rang out — the top of Jane's head had been torn away, but she continued to scream, her remaining hand outstretched and searching blindly. Jane's screams of agony continued long and loud until they were finally cut off with a gurgle and a racking, tearing sound.

I didn't have time to celebrate Jane's demise; Felix was still coming. I gave into the rage and my body began to move. But as the incandescent flames of anger licked at my consciousness, I raised myself out of it and rode the crest of fury, surfing the waves of a supernova. Now, not just my head, but my entire body seemed to explode with power and I barely held on to the edge of control. I expanded my field and it burst out to ten-feet across with no effort. When Felix came within striking distance, I could still recognize him this time.

He came in low for a tackle, trying to crush me against the rock. I intercepted his shoulders and pushed down, dropped his energy into the ground and absorbed the rest. His power was no match for newborn rage and he looked up in surprise. Looked up long enough for my knee to smash his head back hard, sending his body flying with it. But I wasn't done with him. I caught his wrist before he flew out of my reach and jerked him down to meet a forearm in the throat. His eyes bulged and his mouth gaped open. Recovering quickly, he knocked my arm aside and struck back with a tremendous combination of blows and kicks from several angles, compensating for the loss of his arm with more kicks. But now that I could use my hands, they were so heavy, I would have to be blind and deaf not to feel them coming.

I slipped his fist aside, stepped inside a kick and drove my foot into the inside of his knee. The grisly crunch of a breaking vampire limb was drowned out by Felix's scream of agony. My hand found the back of his neck, and I slammed the heel of my palm under his chin, focusing all the hate I could feel into that one point. The scream cut off with a gurgle. I sent a surge of anger down my arms and felt the screech of tearing stone.

Felix's body fell to the ground but continued to reach out with grasping fingers, so I kicked it away and hurled his head across the beach. I thought I heard someone scream "kill her she's only a girl!" But that didn't sound right. I didn't feel like a girl at all. I felt like one of the avenging Furies as I stepped over to where Jacob lay helpless. Fortunately, Jacob had fallen near the cliff face so we had solid rock to our backs.

I sensed, rather than saw, the approach of many bodies and erupted into a whirling, striking, kicking, grasping tornado. I had no time for anything fancy; I could only deal with whatever came close and move on to the next. Keep them at bay, keep them from landing anything solid, keep them away from Jacob, keep myself alive for Edward. Pushing, shoving, using the energy of their charge to throw them into other opponents or let them fly past. Several came simultaneously and one managed to grab hold of my leg. Harsh blows landed before I could fend them off and deal with the one clinging to me. I smashed left blindly, kicked the one coming from the right away from me, then reached down and resorted to brute force. I pulled the clinging one off and heaved it into the crowd with enough impact to send several bodies flying out of the circle of foes surrounding me.

I lost track of time in that endless sea of violence, lost count of the enemies, only knowing that I couldn't stop. Edward was counting on me to stay alive. Jacob was counting on me to keep him alive. My field only gave me enough warning to react, not plan. Fend them away but not finish. Somewhere I thought I heard someone calling my name. One dropped down on me from above. I fumbled at it and kept it from getting a neck hold. Cloth ripped as I sent it flying into the crowd.

It seemed like forever before the tide of grey began to thin. I heard my name called again. Fewer and fewer came at me as they were pulled away or sent flying, but I didn't have time to do anything but deal with my immediate threats. Then, as suddenly as they had descended, they were gone.

Five more figures approached me but stopped. I turned to deal with them, if necessary. The fires of rage filled me, but I still had control over them. I heard a voice in my head, reaching out to me, soft and velvet smooth, calm and reassuring. My angel had come back. What was it doing here in the middle of a war? It shouldn't be here. Then, not of my doing, the scorching anger dulled, and subsided. I kept my guard up but felt my head and body return to normal as the howling fury eased. In the absence of the madness, I felt almost weak and deflated.

Then I blinked and saw the most glorious sight: Edward was alive. His hair was wet and messy. He had a number of welts on his face, his clothes were wet and torn, and he was limping slightly, but he was alive. Jasper, Alice, Kate and Eleazar were at his side, also wet and showing signs of battle. That surprised me because I hadn't seen Kate on the other side before the fighting started. Alice was also unharmed, and all of them looked at me in concern. A number of werewolves were down and the remainder still fought with dark cloaked vampires. Edward stepped forward quickly but there was no time for a reunion. Leah ran up in wolf form and sniffed at Jacob, who lay on his side, still not moving. She looked up at us and whined.

"Only one way to end this," Jasper growled, and pointed up the beach.

The Volturi patriarchs had retreated with their bodyguards to stand with the wives and their guards. Their faces held various expressions of shock and fear. Except for Marcus, who stood regarding us as if we were about to sit down for tea. My eyes narrowed in a frown and my lips curled back into a snarl. Here were the architects of our troubles and of untold pain and suffering.

"Keep an eye on Jake, Leah," I said, as we turned. "Let's go!" I hissed through clenched teeth. We swept up the beach and I extended my field, but it was back to its normal size. Edward and Jasper ran at either side of me, and I sensed Alice, Kate and Eleazar close behind as I swept up toward the Volturi royal guard.

"Guard!" Caius screamed. "To me!" Suddenly the entire field of battle shifted up the beach as vampires and werewolves alike began to converge on our location. We were going to be hip deep in combatants in a hurry.

The bodyguard Felix had called Renata stepped in front of the others with her hands extended as if to ward me off, a look of concentration on her face. As I charged right up to her the look changed from concentration to surprise. When she frowned and stood her ground, the rest of the guards moved up.

In the first flurry of strikes she threw at me I could tell she wasn't skilled at all. Perhaps she had relied on her talent for too long, but I almost felt sorry for her as I grasped a wrist, stepped back, jerked her off balance and guided her flight with another hand at her armpit. She landed at the feet of Sam, who was advancing at the head of a squad of werewolves. I spun back to face the Guard and heard the snapping and snarling behind me.

The one called Afton was attacking Jasper and Eleazar, who for some reason were starting to fall back. He landed a kick that Jasper should have seen in his sleep, and turned on Eleazar, who closed his eyes and extended his hands. They engaged and suddenly it was even, as Eleazar let his hands and intention listen for him. Afton was a frenzied blur of hands and feet, but he could make no progress. Now I understood. He somehow had the ability to make himself invisible. But even an invisible hand had weight and motion. I could see him, and Alice could see him too, with her unique sight. She dodged in and after one quick movement, caught hold of him from behind. Eleazar closed in and another squeal of tearing metal rang out.

Several wolves cannoned into the two dark cloaks and the patriarchs cowered back in fear. Kate felled the last guard, who went down twitching before she finished him. The rest of us turned on the royal party.

Caius raised his arm, a small, silver metal object in his hand.

"Look out!" I yelled, and we all dove to the sides. I could feel the heat from the blast of flame that licked out of that deceptively small container. A yelp rang out as the torch connected with a werewolf downslope from us. Then the inferno began to move as Caius adjusted his aim. We needed to do something to stop him.

A sudden crash resounded, followed by a shout of pain, and the flame shut off. Something rebounded and rolled to a stop against my hand. It was Afton's head. Someone had hurled it at Caius, knocking the flamethrower from his hand.

"Come on!" Jasper roared.

We surged up as one. I tackled Marcus to the ground. He fought me a little but it seemed that he didn't really care enough to defend himself, and I was able to work my way to a rear choke-hold. When I looked up, Jasper had Caius in a brutal arm lock and Eleazar had Aro by the throat. Edward and Alice each had one of the wives, who looked too frightened to resist.

"STOP!" Carlisle's voice thundered from the water's edge. Where had he come from? He must have crossed after Edward and the others, but I was a little too busy at the time to notice. He held his left wrist with his right hand, so he had not come through unscathed either. "Your leaders are our prisoners!" he shouted up and down the beach. "Surrender now! Step back and put your hands on your head!"

Most of the remaining Guards moved to comply, stepping back with their hands in the air. But for others the wolves still pressed the attack, and the Volturi engaged with them continued to fight out of self-defense. "Jacob? Call off the pack, please?" Carlisle's polite request sounded very out of place amidst the violence.

Down the beach, Jacob had regained consciousness while we had attacked the Volturi vanguard. He still lay on his side but picked his head off the ground and growled, low in his throat. The wolves stopped lunging and snapping, but stayed close, growling with teeth bared, hackles bristling. Slowly, all the remaining guards stepped back and raised their hands to their heads. I counted ten in all, not counting our prisoners. And with a growing sense of relief, I realized that Alec and Chelsea were not among those standing. I scanned the beach until I spotted the dark cloak on Jane's juvenile body; it moved aimlessly where it lay on the ground. I felt an odd mix of disappointment and satisfaction in my mouth like hot metal. She would never torment anybody again, but I wanted to be the one to put her down.

Carlisle came closer and stopped in front of Aro and Eleazar. "I'm disappointed, Aro," Carlisle said, his face grim with sadness. "I had great respect for you and your mission, but you let your ambitions come before your quest."

"It's you who are guilty!" Caius snarled from Jasper's imprisoning arms. "The werewolves are our natural enemies, so for you to join them and attack us is treason!"

Carlisle scoffed. "This is getting old, Caius. I don't believe in natural enemies, and we're proof that we can live peacefully alongside both wolves and humans."

"But at the cost of your identity," said Aro. "You give up who we are. That alone tells you that it's unnatural. For the rest of us, it's kill or be killed by werewolves. We only seek to make the world safe for our kind."

"I appreciate that," Carlisle admitted. "But to survive at the cost of another sentient being is wrong. Why do you think I chose this way in the first place? If I won't survive by consuming a thinking being, how could I ensure my survival by condoning the extermination of an entire race of beings? There's always a way that doesn't involve violence. You simply have to find it."

"We had found it," grated Caius. "Europe is relatively safe for vampires now. If you know what's good for you, you'll let us continue our work."

"Think about how this world was before us," Aro said earnestly. "A thousand years ago, in the place that is now Romania, the immortals ruled over the humans. Humans knew about us and we were feared and hated. The Romanians had to fight off many mobs that tried to overthrow them. We changed all that. Now we are the stuff of myth and legend. Any human who truly believes in us is ridiculed or considered mad. As long as we are invisible, we can live in peace.

"The current generation of immortals have all been indoctrinated in the law to remain circumspect, and have been commanded to teach their creations, as well. So for now, the secret is safe. That is what our mission means! To end that mission is to plunge our world into darkness again!

"Do you truly want to return to a time when humans hate us and try to hunt us down? You were a vampire hunter once, Carlisle. You know how that is. But in the days of axe and sword, humans were a mere inconvenience. Now the destructive capabilities of man have grown exponentially. If we return to the days of vampire hunters, do you think humans would be as helpless as before? We created this world you live in. You have the luxury to choose how you live because of the work we have done."

"Does obligation require us to die at your behest or to be enslaved?" Eleazar asked, gazing down at Aro. "Does obligation remove from us the right to true justice?"

"You are obliged to obey the law that we established and maintained," Caius growled.

Edward spoke up, his voice icy. "If that was all that you did, then well and good. But this was all an excuse to capture or kill Alice and myself. I've seen how much Aro wants us in his mind. What business do you have forcing us to join your coven?"

"I thought the cloak of Volterra suited you, Edward," Aro insisted. "It was the same invitation I extended to you the first time you came to see us, nothing more."

"If this was an invitation you didn't need to capture Bella to force our behavior."

"A mistake of Jane's that I apologize for," Aro said, smoothly. "Either way, I thought you might want to be re-united with her."

"Sure. That's why you had Felix try to kill her." Edward's scowl deepened even further. "Give it up, Aro! You have no legitimate claim here, nor have we broken any laws. You, on the other hand, are guilty of corruption and abuse of power. The minute you took Bella hostage, the second Jane let the newborn army go to kill us, you lost your claim to moral purity."

Carlisle's voice was calm again, in the face of their agitation. "You protected our way of life at one time, and that was a worthy cause. But you began using your position to acquire more power. You perverted the mission to further your ambition. The price of our way of life should not be to fall victim to corruption. We have a right to be protected from false accusations and assassination. Our lives, all lives, are sacred and not subject to the whims of any authority without just cause.

"Let me ask you something: what will you do if we spare your lives and the lives of your remaining Guard?"

"Why continue our mission, of course!" Aro answered promptly.

"Would you come against us again?"

"If you obey the law, we have no reason to come against you." Aro tried another tack. "Think of what would happen if we are not the law. You would leave a void for the Romanians to step in again. Think of the upheaval that would cause!"

"That's what it's about, isn't it? How far will you go for power, Aro?" Edward asked suddenly, boring into Aro with his eyes. "Is there no limit to what you would do?" Aro looked startled for a second, then quickly controlled his expression, but not before Edward nodded. "You'll never tell Marcus, will you?"

A spark of animation suddenly showed in Marcus, and he raised his head. "What will he never tell me?" he asked in a reedy voice.

"No! You can't!" Aro cried and struggled against Eleazar.

Edward clenched his jaw. "Marcus, do you want to know?"

"Know about what?" Marcus asked.

"No! No!" shouted Aro. Eleazar smoothly twisted Aro's arm behind his back and the patriarch cried out and stopped struggling.

"You were planning to leave Volterra with your wife, Didyme, weren't you Marcus?" Edward asked.

Marcus nodded and his voice gained a little strength. "We had grown tired of the fighting, the conquests. I only wanted to spend my life with her. Then she was killed in that senseless battle..." Marcus turned his face away and I could see it, twisted with his internal agony, still fresh after all these millennia.

"Do you remember the last time you saw her?"

"Yes, it was one of the first encounters with the Romanians. I had no interest in a prolonged campaign, so we were going to leave shortly after."

"But you got separated, didn't you? It was very chaotic that night."

"Aro came and found me. He brought me to see…" Marcus choked to a stop.

"Her body, already engulfed in flames." Relentless as Death pronouncing sentence, Edward spoke the words. "Aro killed her, Marcus. I saw an image of him holding the bracelet you gave her. Then when you would have destroyed yourself, he had Chelsea keep you loyal."

"He lies, Marcus! They'll say anything to destroy us, you must see that!" Aro strained against Eleazar in his desperation. "You've always been a brother to me. Why would I kill my own sister and jeopardize that?"

"You know it's true, Marcus," Edward intoned. "If someone else had done it, the bracelet would have been burned with Didyme's body. It was of beaten gold, studded with rough cut rubies. He pulled it off before burning the body so he could prove the body was hers."

Marcus scrutinized Aro's face, then he turned his head back toward me. "Let me see him! I have to know!" That surprised me, but I pulled my field back in as he bid. Then Marcus glared at Aro, who tried to turn away. Eleazar tightened his grip, forcing Aro to face Marcus.

Impassive no longer, Marcus began to struggle in my arms. An insane light came to his face and his papery skin seeming to glow with fury. "YOU! You bastard! How could you kill your own sister?!"

"It's his word against mine, Marcus," Aro pleaded. "How can you doubt me?"

"We were alone, Aro. And I was too distraught to think clearly." Marcus snarled, low and deadly and he stopped fighting me as he confronted Aro. "How could he know this detail unless he pulled it from your mind? And did you forget my gift?"

"What?" Aro was startled by the sudden shift.

"I don't only see the relationships of others; I see my own as well. You have no loyalty for me. You only want my talent. I'm no more than a horse or a dog to you. You swore to me that you would find her killer, but you lied. You may as well be dead to me, because I am to you." Marcus looked at Eleazar, then Carlisle. "Give him to me, Carlisle! In the name of my poor Didyme, give him to me!"

We looked at Edward, who questioned Carlisle with raised eyebrow. "Let Aro and Marcus go," Carlisle said quietly. I looked at him in surprise, then relaxed my hold, staying wary for any tricks.

It was unnecessary.

With a savage roar, Marcus leaped at Aro. It was a short, brutal fight. There was no finesse, no technique. Powered by rage and thousands of years of grief, Marcus knocked Aro to the ground, sat on his chest and pounded on him with fists and elbows until I thought I would see fragments flying off. Aro tried to respond but Marcus did not let up. It was shocking for what looked to be two old men brawling in the dirt.

Finally Marcus bent down and grabbed Aro's head. The screech of tearing metal rang out as Marcus wrenched himself backwards. Marcus stared at the head in his arms for a moment, then dropped it and tumbled to the side, falling off Aro's body and kicking it away.

"Burn him," Marcus cried in a broken voice. Then he lay there with his head buried in his arms, and began to sob.

I stood still, momentarily stunned by the ferocity of what I had just seen. A high-keening scream drew my attention to my left, where Alice and Edward were holding the wives. One of the wives was screaming in some language I had never heard and straining to escape Alice's clutches. She suddenly broke free, but it seemed to me that Alice just let go. I tensed for her attack, but she swooped on Marcus where he lay on the ground. She struck at him and clawed his face over and over until, ignoring the beating, he grasped her by the arm and a fistful of clothes, stood and hurled her toward the waiting wolves. The high screaming was cut off by a chorus of snarling and growling. Marcus collapsed to the ground again, and covered his face with his hands.

"What about you, Caius?" asked Carlisle. "Will you find a way to come at us again?"

Caius did not hesitate before he answered, "No! Of course not!" But Carlisle glanced at Edward who gave a slight shake of his head.

"Marcus, what say you?" Carlisle asked.

Marcus took his hands away from his face and looked up, his face still dark with his agony. "Kill us!" he spoke through clenched teeth. "We've become an abomination! A corruption of the original ideal!" He rose to his feet and addressed the Guard. "Hear me, Guardsmen of Volterra! The mission has been perverted to evil purposes! We do not deserve to live. The Volturi must perish here!"

"What are you saying?" Caius cried, his rheumy eyes wide. "Who will enforce the law if we are gone?"

"I don't care! Better to have nothing, than the evil that we've become," Marcus said, glaring at Caius. Eleazar had moved to stand close to Marcus, but it wasn't necessary.

"What will you do?" Caius' situation finally seemed to dawn on him, and he lost some of his bluster. "What happened to the compassion you always talked about?"

"You've caused much needless death and suffering, not just to my family, but to all the covens you destroyed and the werewolves you killed," Carlisle said slowly. "If anybody can judge you, they can." He indicated the wolves with a wave of his hand and stepped back. "Here is your compassion. I release you and your guard."

Jasper gave Carlisle a rebellious look, and was about to object vehemently, but Carlisle thrust his hand out abruptly. "Let him up," he said in a voice that brooked no disagreement. Caius' eyes brightened for a second as Jasper let go and he began to straighten his clothing.

Carlisle's eyes glittered briefly in his normally serene face. "Caius, you lost your claim to my compassion when you caused the deaths of my daughter and my son. You are vampires who kill humans, and you're on Quileute land. Jacob?"

The great russet wolf tried to rise, to push himself up with his forepaws, but couldn't. He lifted his giant head and one deathly snarl issued between his fangs. The beach was suddenly covered by a multicolored tsunami of fur and fangs that surged forward to wash over the Volturi Guard. The air resounded with snarls, metallic screeches and cries of pain as a couple of the Guard tried to fight and some tried to run. Caius grabbed the hand of the remaining female and dashed off in the direction of the forest, followed by no less than four wolves, Jasper and Eleazar. But amazingly, the rest of the Guard stayed loyal to the death. True to Marcus' last command, they did not raise a hand as the wolves cut them down. Before long, the river valley was quiet once again.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_**A/N**: Took a while, but we're finally here. As always, love to hear your thoughts._


	29. Chapter 28: Responsibilities

_**A/N**: My apologies to all for the long delay in updating. I'll save explanations for the end notes. Many thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story through all the delays. I appreciate every single follow, favorite, review and read! Thanks so much for your support!  
><em>

_A million thank you's to _Katmom_, who fixes my boneheaded-ness with immense reserves of patience, and to _Sherryola_, who helps me stay in the canon universe. Big hugs to you both!_

_**Note**: Possible tissue warning in this chapter..._

___**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer, the great and powerful, owns Twilight and all the characters; she's kind enough to allow us to visit her playground. No copyright infringement is intended.___

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><p><span>Chapter 28 – Responsibilities<span>

Finally, we stood unopposed on the rocky beach, eerily quiet now that the roar of battle had died away. The wolves that remained on the beach were injured, and unable to participate in the chase after Caius and the remaining Volturi. The ambulatory ones sniffed around, making sure there were no more intact Guardsmen. I stood with my mouth open, trying to process Carlisle's last statement, but at the same time not wanting to. Death of _what_ son and _what_ daughter?

Before I could get very far with that, Edward rushed over and enfolded me in a desperate embrace that I enthusiastically returned. The solid feel of my arms around him and his hands crushing me to his chest assured me that our nightmare was over. Like sunlight had burst through the clouds, the stress and fear that weighed me down through my ordeal with the Volturi faded. I was an absolute mess – my hair must have looked like a wet haystack and I had blood smears on my face. I ached all over my body, my right sleeve had been torn off in the fight, and I had a greasy stain spreading across my left breast pocket from where I smashed the jar of ointment. But all that didn't matter. Throughout that long night I thought I'd never be able to see or hold him again.

I turned my face up and he kissed me for an endless moment, the scene of carnage around us melting away in the sheer joy and relief of feeling his lips on mine. Finally, he slid his face to the side and breathlessly whispered my name. He drew back and looked down at me. I winced as he gently ran a thumb over some of the bruises on my face. He murmured softly in apology, and I saw that his eyes held a deep sadness.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice still rough. He must have been going through the torments of purgatory from the moment he heard I'd been captured.

"I'm fine, now," I answered. "Sorry I ran off without telling you where I was going."

"You should be." For moment, his face darkened like gathering thunderclouds, and I braced myself. Then he sighed, relaxed and gave my shoulders a little shake. "I'm just glad you're all right, and you were able to hold them off until we got there."

Releasing the breath I'd been holding, I gave his chest a gentle, but exasperated, push. I still owed him an explanation, but was relieved he was leaving it for another time. I had gotten lucky with Felix, and if not for Jacob's timely interference, I might be dead. Then I steeled myself to ask the unpleasant question, even though I didn't want to hear the answer. "Who was Carlisle talking about?"

His lips pressed tightly for a moment, then he pulled me close again. "It's Emmett, Rosalie, and Tanya," he whispered sadly. It was a good thing he was holding me, because my knees sagged and I would have fallen. My brain froze in shock as the impossibility of it warred with what I had just heard. It just couldn't be. I thought for sure that any moment Emmett would come bounding across the river, bellyaching about the fight he had missed. I was just getting to know Tanya, and growing closer to Rosalie. It just couldn't happen this way.

Edward raised his head and spoke to Carlisle. "We need to finish here and get back across."

At that moment, Jasper emerged from the trees, jubilation lighting his face. Eleazar was close behind him. "We got Caius!" Jasper cried, holding a head by its long, blonde hair. He threw it, and a severed arm, toward the pile of vampire remains that the wolves had begun assembling. Eleazar added several more parts to the pile.

"Where are the wolves that went with you?" Carlisle asked Jasper.

"They followed the rest of the pack who were chasing down the remainder of the Guard," he said, a rare smile beaming out of his face.

Carlisle nodded and returned his attention to Edward's suggestion. "Alice? Can you go make sure Esme is all right? I need to tend to the injured. I'll be along as soon as I can."

"Is Carmen well?" asked Eleazar.

"She has a severed leg, and stayed behind with Esme, but she's alive."

Eleazar grimaced briefly at Carlisle's news, then gave a curt nod.

Jasper, normally so reserved, pulled Alice into a fierce embrace. Like a dam had burst, the tension in us released. I let my breath go in a low whistle. As improbable as it had seemed days ago, we had survived the Volturi onslaught. Well, most of us had. While we were relieved, there was no room for celebration – not with the losses we had suffered – but neither did we have time for grief. We had casualties to care for, and a battleground to clean up. We couldn't leave stray body parts for hunters or fishermen to find. Kate and Alice came to me for a brief hug, but that was all.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to Kate.

She patted my shoulder with her lips clenched as if holding it all in. "That's war, _sestrichka_."

"It's not fair, Alice," I blubbered into her hair as she hugged my waist. "When did Emmett and Rosalie come back? I thought they had gone and were safe."

"They never left, Bella," Alice said, quietly. "They never left."

I asked Carlisle about his missing hand, and was surprised that he didn't seem to be overly concerned.

"It's inconvenient," he admitted, with a rueful smile. "But remember what I said about being able to recover from injuries that would kill humans?"

"How will you practice medicine?" I wondered.

Carlisle shrugged. "I'm right-handed; I'll manage somehow. I may be able to find it where I left Esme and the others."

Jasper and Eleazar had been more fortunate, with only contusions and a number of bite wounds. Alice and Kate were relatively untouched, only their wardrobe was the worse for wear. Edward limped slightly, having been kicked in the right knee when he had been set upon by several Guardsmen.

Carlisle proceeded to triage the wounded while the rest of us worked to dispose of the Volturi remains. Disembodied hands still grasped, and feet still moved mindlessly. I couldn't imagine that Felix, or any of the others, would be able to put themselves back together but we didn't want to take the chance. While Alice and Jasper crossed the river to be with Esme, we and the able-bodied werewolves scoured the rocky beach and the woods for every scrap of vampire body parts we could find.

I had mixed feelings while I worked. Part of me wanted to jump up and down in jubilation. The Volturi menace had been destroyed, and we were finally and truly safe. Part of me wanted to scream in anguish over Emmett and Rosalie, to hold on to Edward and not let go. I ought to rush across the river to comfort Esme in our mutual loss. And yet another part didn't want to face reality, welcoming the distraction of activity. I was also worried about Jacob. He still hadn't gotten up, so it didn't look good.

When we had a ghastly mound of remains collected – all the more gruesome because most of it still moved – Eleazar lifted the silver canister of Caius' and touched off the pyre. Flames quickly spread, as if the remains were infused with gasoline. We checked to make sure every single piece had caught, then stepped back as a thick column of purplish smoke rose to blot out the night sky.

The werewolves had borne the brunt of the casualties, having been incapacitated by Jane long enough for a number to be injured or slain. It would have been far worse if Leah, the grey wolf I had glimpsed, hadn't killed her. Apparently, because she was not part of the pack, she had not been affected by the suffering of the pack mind. She had also disposed of Alec, who had been blindly immobilizing friend and foe alike in a broad swath. We didn't know who had gotten to Chelsea, but the fang marks on the stump of her neck gave mute testimony to the cause of her demise.

Six wolves were dead, Paul and Embry among them. All of the dead had reverted to human form, and I tried to ignore their grisly wounds. Fortunately, anything not immediately fatal began healing. A few of the survivors nursed broken bones, and some had nasty cuts, gouges or burns that were already in the process of healing. Thanks to that miraculous healing nature, all of the survivors were now ambulatory enough to limp home, although I suspected Carlisle might need to reset some bones later.

After some time, the roaring fire began to dwindle, as its fuel supply was reduced to ash. Sam returned with the rest of the pack that had pursued the Volturi. I was glad to see that there were no more casualties among them.

"Did you get them all?" Jasper asked.

Sam grimaced briefly. "All but two. We chased them to land's end, then they jumped into the sea."

"Were they anybody important?"

"No, just a couple of the guards."

"Good riddance," Eleazar commented.

Of all our injured, Jacob was the worst and was paralyzed from the waist down, with absolutely no feeling in his legs or feet. Carlisle had gotten him to phase back to human form, and knelt by his side with Leah close by, still as a wolf. It was just like when he had been injured by the newborn, but that time it had only been broken bones, not his spinal cord. Jake lay on his back, and someone had taken the clothes he strapped to himself and covered him up.

"I need something to stabilize his back," Carlisle instructed us. "Otherwise his spine may heal badly. I would hate to have to re-break that."

"I know just the thing," Eleazar said, and disappeared into the woods.

"Are you all right, Jake?" I couldn't help asking.

"Except for not being able to move, I feel fine," he quipped, but his voice was strained, his brow furrowed. "I can't feel my legs, but I can feel where he hit me. Sorry I couldn't stop them from grabbing you. Are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me, Jake, I'm fine." I could feel the lump starting in my throat, but at least he was alive. "You more than made up for it. Sorry you got hurt again."

"Yeah. I'm starting to think you're hazardous for my health."

I couldn't laugh, and settled for a sigh. "I'm so sorry about Paul and Embry."

Jacob didn't speak for a moment, looking up at the night sky. "Yeah, me too," he whispered.

I caught Leah's eye. "He saved my life," I told her. "Sorry he got hurt." She gave a little snort and what seemed like a canine shrug.

Edward translated. "She said, 'He knew what he was doing. Not your fault the witch girl could nail the whole pack.' "

Just then Eleazar returned carrying a long, broad piece of birch bark. "The natives would fashion canoes from the bark of this tree. It should be strong enough," he said.

"Good thinking," Carlisle said. "We'll need to strap him to the board."

"Here..." Edward pulled off his fatigue shirt, and began tearing it into long strips.

"Hey, I'm the one who doesn't wear shirts," Jake groused.

"It's the least I can do," Edward said, and they used the strips to tie Jacob securely to the makeshift backboard. "You saved Bella, again. We were still fighting our way up the beach when you got there. Thank you."

Jacob snorted, his sarcasm leaking through the pain as they jostled him. "Well, if you'd take care of her, I wouldn't have to." Edward grimaced a little at the jibe, but he said nothing.

"We'll take him," Sam said. He, Jared, Seth and Quil had shifted back so they could use their hands. They lifted Jacob without effort.

"I need to get everybody with broken bones to the hospital for x-rays," Carlisle informed them. "I'll meet you at Billy's and we'll figure out how to proceed. My family will help bring your brothers back across the river."

Sam nodded his thanks and they started upriver, toward a shallower crossing. Leah followed closely after them. We moved to where the dead tribe members lay. I chose one that I didn't know and slung him over my shoulder. Other than that hesitation, I didn't feel queasy at all about carrying a dead body. Without another glance, we turned our backs on the funeral pyre and headed upstream to the ford.

"Why didn't Emmett and Rosalie leave?" I asked Edward with a slight wince.

"Rosalie felt guilty, and couldn't make a decision to leave, so they just stayed at the house." Edward's eyes were somber as he answered me. His pale, bare skin contrasted sharply with the dusky-skinned body he carried. "When they heard that you had been taken, they came to help."

I felt my face contract at the thought. Alice had always been my favorite, but the thought of what _might have been_ with Rose made it harder to bear. Having grown up without siblings, I found myself jealously wanting to hold on to each and every one of them.

We crossed quickly, took our burdens to Old Quil's place and hid them in the barn. Then Edward dashed back to the river, with us close behind. A short distance upstream from the main battlefield, on another rocky beach near a small knoll hidden by a stand of trees, we found Carmen, Alice and Jasper huddled around Esme. The sound of Esme's sobbing reached me before I saw her sitting on a log. Carlisle was beside her in a flash, and she pulled an arm around him, sobbing into his shoulder. Edward knelt nearby and placed a hand on her knee.

Carmen reached out with her arms and Eleazar practically threw himself into them. He sat down and lifted her into his lap. The stump of her right leg peeked out from under her flowing skirt. Not far from us, a number of figures lay on the rocks and gravel by the river's edge. They were missing body parts, but unlike the dismembered Volturi, they did not move.

My eyes were drawn to the largest body, obviously Emmett. When I had relieved Felix of his head, his body had still moved around, so it seemed wrong that Emmett wouldn't do the same. It was hard to imagine that someone so strong, with a personality so vital, could simply cease to be. But there his head lay, separated from his torso and resting forlornly on the sand next to his hulking shoulders. It had been set on fire, and his hair and eyebrows were burned, from what I could see. His eyes were closed, and if not for the damage, it looked like he might be sleeping. The broken stump of his neck was blackened, unlike the freshly dismembered limbs of the Volturi. The college sweatshirt Emmett had been wearing was partially burned away, and I thought it odd that his chest should seem unharmed though the fire must have touched his skin. I shuddered and turned my head away before I could see Rosalie and Tanya.

"Oh no," I whispered. Even though I'd been told what had happened, confronting the reality was still a shock. My knees gave way and I fell to the ground next to Edward. He extended his other arm and pulled me against him.

"My boy. My darling girl." Esme's broken words cut into me like razors. Emmett had always been my favorite brother, even before I was changed. Both Rosalie and Tanya were so vibrant and alive, it wasn't right that they should be dead.

After what seemed a very long time, Esme's racking sobs calmed enough that Carlisle spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I didn't realize Emmett was coming here when he ran from the beach."

"They found us even though we were hidden away from the meeting place," Esme said with a weak voice. "Demetri attacked me first and took my arm."

That's when I noticed that Esme's left arm was missing, her fatigues had a ragged hole at the shoulder. I started when I saw it lying on the ground. Her other sleeve showed signs of scorch marks.

"Rosalie fought him off me, but he was too much for her. Tanya and Carmen were busy with the other two. Emmett came, but not in time. When he saw Rose, he went mad. He destroyed Demetri and turned on the others. We tried to help, but the other two overwhelmed him. He managed to damage them before that, then you came and finally we killed them all. But too late, too late!"

"I'm sorry, Mother," Jasper said, his voice very low. "I should have left some wolves back here to guard you."

Esme shook her head, sadly. "There were so many Volturi. You needed all the help you could get."

I buried my head in Edward's shoulder and the sobs convulsed me. For a second I hated my vampire body. It wasn't right that I stay dry-eyed in the face of such tragedy. Edward patted my back comfortingly. I looked up at him, and his face was very bleak, his jaw clenched with the effort of suppressing his emotions.

I reached up and smoothed his hair back. "You don't have to be brave for me," I hiccuped. "I know how much they meant to you. It's okay…"

His golden eyes met mine for only a moment, then squeezed shut as his mouth twisted into a grimace of pain. Both of his arms went around me and drew me closer, his head on my shoulder, mine on his. We both sat there in mutual grief, unable to speak.

After a while, a certain numbness began to set in. Edward turned a little but kept his arm around me. There was nothing that we could do, but to be there for each other. I looked over at Kate, who knelt next to one of the still figures. Her face was still solemn, but her eyes were haunted. "I'm so sorry about Tanya," I murmured.

"I'll miss her," Kate said. "She was always cheerful and a good companion. She made the long days pass more quickly."

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. I remembered Tanya's comments at our wedding, of having eons of time to get to know each other. Another bout of sobbing convulsed me; we would never have that time. I could only be glad for what little time I had with her in Denali. Her irreverence and lust for life had helped me find my way back to Edward.

Practical as always, Kate sighed. "Nothing to be done for it now." She rose up slightly, reached out and picked up something from the tall grass. "Carlisle, perhaps this is yours?" It was Carlisle's left hand, identifiable by the wedding ring it wore.

"Thank you, Kate." Carlisle took his hand, opened one of the large cargo pockets on his fatigue pants and dropped it in. "I'll reattach it when I have a moment." He rubbed Esme's back. "Are you all right, dear?"

Esme looked up at him sadly, her eyes wide and luminous, though dry. "I won't be all right for a while. But is there nothing we can do?"

Carlisle stood and helped Esme to her feet. He drew closer to the remains of our brother, sister, and cousin and gazed at them for a while, slowly shaking his head. "If only they hadn't had those infernal flame throwers," he said, grimly. "We might have been able to stop them before they could touch off the bodies. If you hadn't thought to throw their parts into the river, we wouldn't have anything but ash, now."

Eleazar stood, carrying Carmen in his arms, while she cradled the severed part of her leg. Edward supported me by the elbow. I didn't truly need the physical assistance, but it was comforting. I looked down at the remains, wondering if we should bury them, or if burning was the only vampire way. I bent and retrieved Esme's arm, still wearing the sleeve of her fatigues.

When I handed it to Esme, Carlisle looked at the arm, then at his own wrist, frowning. "It's never happened this way before, but what have we to lose?" he muttered while surveying the charred body parts. He fell silent, his gaze taking in the carnage of our fallen family, then again, his own and Esme's injuries. After a period of seeming indecision, Carlisle lifted his head and looked at Edward, whose face took on an expression of desperate hope.

"I want to take care of my family, but I also need to take care of our allies." Carlisle spoke urgently to Edward. "Do you see what I mean to do?"

"Yes!" Edward answered. "It's worth a try!" He turned to me. "Bella, get your truck and bring it as close as you can. We'll have to move quickly!"

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Carlisle left for Billy's house, taking Jasper with him as an assistant, since he only had the use of one hand. As quickly as we could, we tossed the remains of the Volturi guard into a pile on the beach to burn. We didn't have time to monitor it and didn't want the fire to spread to the woods. The surrounding vegetation was pretty wet, but the last pile of remains had burned quite fiercely. Edward borrowed Caius' flamethrower from Eleazar and, with a look of grim satisfaction, turned Demetri and the others into an inferno.

The rest of us loaded – it still sounded weird thinking about it – the pieces of Emmett and Rosalie into the back of my truck. There wasn't enough room in the bed of the truck for everybody, so we loaded Tanya into the back seat of Edward's car. The expressions on their faces were all very peaceful, as if only sleeping. Their heads just weren't attached to their bodies, and their clothing had been scorched. The most altered was Emmett, whose hair had been burned off in patches.

Alice drove Edward's car with Esme in the passenger seat. Eleazar, Kate and I climbed into the cab of my truck, and Edward drove the truck back to the house at reckless speeds, even for him. I asked him what the hurry was. If they were already dead, what difference did it make?

"Humans can have some body parts re-attached by microsurgery, but only if the parts are preserved, kept cool so they don't decay." Edward didn't take his eyes off the road while he explained, barely braking as he roared back home. "Normally, reattaching limbs for our kind is no problem, even one's head. But they're not moving, which _is_ a problem. It's most likely because they were set on fire. Carlisle is hoping they're just in a state of shock, and we might be able to revive them with a deep treatment of venom."

"We might be able to save them?" I hoped beyond hope.

Edward hesitated. "I don't know. I've seen bodies re-assembled before, but not after being set ablaze."

It was only about ten miles from La Push to the house, but it seemed to pass like a week. When we finally reached the fern-lined driveway it stretched for miles. The house couldn't appear soon enough.

Edward finally reached the house and we exploded out of the doors and bolted for the back of the cars. Each of us grabbed part of Emmett, Rosalie or Tanya and carried them into the house.

"Take them to the bathrooms and put them in the tubs!" Edward's commanding voice crackled with urgency. "We need venom! Lots of it!"

I deposited my burden in the master bathroom, and Edward pressed a large mug into my hands. "Think of the taste of blood, or get the samples we used to desensitize you. We need to collect as much venom as we can."

That part proved to be easy. I was thirsty even before Jane started waving the human in front of me. One whiff of a blood sample started the venom flowing in my mouth. It wasn't long before the cup was full of the clear, yellowish liquid. I carried my share back to Carlisle and Esme's master bathroom.

Alice, a dynamo of energy even in non-emergency situations, wasn't there and I missed her presence. Esme was closest to me. Her arm had been reattached at the shoulder, and she wore a pale pink house dress and a soft sweater of grey cotton. A sling supported her arm inside the sweater, the empty sleeve hanging down. I touched her shoulder gently. "Where's Alice?"

Esme was calm now, but her eyes still held their sadness. "Carlisle called, and asked if someone might bring his car and a change of clothing down to La Push. They needed it as part of the cover story for the Quileutes."

I wondered what kind of story they were concocting, but let it go for now.

Edward and Eleazar were working on Emmett in the master bathroom. I noticed that Edward was now wearing a sweater and jeans; he must have changed while I was collecting my venom. Drawing closer, I peeked over their shoulders to observe their work.

Using a brush dipped in venom, Edward began cleaning the charred stump that was Emmett's neck. Fascinated, I used my enhanced eyesight, and zoomed in on the cross-section exposed by his decapitation. The magnified surfaces looked like jagged basalt, with crystalline facets. A volcanic moonscape. While Edward worked, the facets began to sparkle again, seeming to absorb the liquid as it was applied.

When the severed ends were clean and thoroughly coated with venom, they carefully placed the ends together; the pieces fit together like a broken vase, with the cracks barely discernible. Using duct tape wrapped around his neck, they secured Emmett's head in place. The last thing Edward did was to insert some tubing into Emmett's slack mouth and down his throat. Then he force-fed the venom to his brother, using a large syringe. I watched Emmett's face, half expecting his eyes to pop open, but nothing changed.

"Is it going to work?" I asked. I didn't realize it but my hands were clasped together, under my chin, as if in prayer.

"I don't know," Edward repeated his earlier words. "Emmett isn't moving, and I can't hear any thoughts from him, but maybe Esme put the fire out soon enough that there's still life in him. All we can do is try."

"It _must_ work," Esme said fervently.

"What if—" I hesitated, not wanting to be negative, but wanting to know. "What if they don't get better?" I finished in a hushed voice.

"If they don't get better, they'll stay like that," Edward replied.

"If that happens, it may be kinder to finish what the Volturi started," Eleazar said, before Esme shushed him.

Edward and Kate worked quickly to repeat the operation on Rosalie and Tanya. Rosalie's right forearm had also been broken off just below the elbow, so they attached that as well. They then covered our siblings with blankets, but left them in the tubs, since further treatment would be necessary. Finally, Eleazar carried Carmen in, and they quickly reattached her leg.

When they finished, Edward exhaled loudly. "That's all we can do for them now, except hope. Let's see if Carlisle still needs help. And we need to break down the tents at La Push and put everything back the way we found it."

"Um, I know this isn't a good time," I spoke up in a timid voice. "But do you think I could go hunt?" I told them briefly about what Jane had done to torment me, and their eyes narrowed at the story. I felt guilty for thinking about myself, but I just didn't want to have an accident while we were on Quileute land.

"She died too easily," growled Eleazar.

"I agree," Edward said, still frowning. "Yes, by all means, let's go."

Edward and I crossed the river and ventured into the hills behind the house. It was still night, though getting toward the early morning hours. Fortune smiled upon us, and we were able to find a small herd of sleeping deer in short order. I fed enough to blunt the edge of my thirst to the point that it was bearable.

When I was finished, Edward inquired if I was all right. I could tell from his attitude that he was still holding something in, making sure I was cared for, first. When I put his mind at ease, he reached for me and pulled me close, his breath shuddering out of him. "I thought I'd never see you again," he said, softly.

I felt the same way, and murmured my agreement, trying to reassure him with each kiss.

"I was livid when Jacob told us what happened," Edward confessed. "I could barely keep myself from charging into the woods to find you. Then to see you across the river in the hands of our enemies? Next to leaving you in the forest, it was the hardest thing I had ever done, to stand meekly on the other side and trust in Jasper and Eleazar's plan. Did they hurt you?"

"They weren't exactly nice," I said as dismissively as I could, and looked up. "You know about Jane. And Aro tried to convince me to join them." I quickly relayed the interview between Aro and me. "But I was more afraid that they would use me to get to you. And they would have, wouldn't they?"

Edward nodded. "Chelsea couldn't turn me while you lived."

"Well, at least we don't have to worry about them anymore," I said with a certain amount of relief, a sentiment to which Edward agreed.

The nagging of my conscience picked up, and I plucked at the front of his shirt, screwing up my courage. I had to come clean with him. "Um, I'm really sorry I snuck off."

Edward's face was very controlled, except for the minute narrowing of his eyes. If I was human I would have missed it. "Yes, well, I suppose you didn't anticipate that you'd put yourself in a position to be captured."

I pulled my hands away from him and twisted my fingers together. "No, that's not it. I…I lied to Jasper, and to you, so I could get away to talk to Leah."

And just like that, Edward looked away, freezing into a statue as he sometimes did. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and sad. "I know. I was a little disappointed that you felt you needed to do that."

"I'm sorry." I felt so guilty I could barely hear myself.

A slight nod was all he gave me. "You're my wife, but I have no wish to control you. You're free to see who you like and you don't need to ask my permission. I do, however, wish that you had felt open enough to confide in me."

I rubbed the side of my arm, still fidgeting. "I didn't put much thought into it, I just…did it. I guess part of me felt you still might object to me worrying about Jacob."

Edward searched my eyes for such a long moment and I was almost afraid that he might push me away. But when he moved, it was only to take my hand gently in his, and lead me to a nearby log where he sat, drawing me down next to him.

A soft sigh whispered between his lips. "I suppose I should have expected it, especially after we had that discussion about the human feelings you had at the time of transformation," he admitted. "If you loved Jacob the way you thought you did..." He fell silent again, and stared at his hands, emotions playing across his face in the shift of his jaw, the movement of his eyebrows. With a minute shrug, he lifted his head. "I just want you to know, I'm here for you. As much or as little of me as you want, I'll never go away."

"All of you. I still want all of you." I spoke without hesitation.

"Can you be sure? Love is one of the few things powerful enough to change us. I know this for a fact, and I don't know of any immortal who's turned away from one they love."

The note of despair struck me to the core and I had to take care of that immediately. "I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry I keep disappointing you. I don't know much about immortals and their mates, but I think I can tell you how I feel. And I don't feel that way about him anymore."

"You're not simply saying this to spare my feelings?"

I took hold of his hands and gently rubbed the backs of them. "Maybe it'll take some time to show you, but I'll prove it to you. He saved my life, over and over, and I'm always going to be grateful for that. But somewhere, somehow, what I felt for him did change. Think about it — if I still felt something for him, I'd go looking for _him_, wouldn't I? Well, I didn't. If something happens between him and Leah, that's great. I want him to be happy, and that's all. That's why I went to talk to _her_, to see if he was happy. It was just an accident that he showed up."

As I spoke, the chill slowly left his face, and when I finished, he took my face between his hands. His amber eyes seemed to reach out with their intensity and I began to feel an answering warmth in my chest. "This is what you feel, in your heart of hearts?"

My voice briefly deserted me, so I nodded, and reached up to caress the back of his hand.

Edward closed his eyes briefly. "Thank goodness. Jacob's thoughts in regard to you and me were, for the most part, muddled up and angry. He still has regrets, but that's nothing new. I just wasn't sure how you felt about him, and that's what bothered me the most."

"Well, don't let it bother you anymore," I insisted. "There's nothing to be jealous about. He'll always be a friend, but he doesn't make me feel the way you do. I'm happy when you're happy, and after two days of thinking I'd never see that smile again—" I gulped quickly as the emotions welled up in my throat. "You're everything to me. If I'm your singer, then you'd be my song. Because what's a singer without one?"

Edward's lips curved into a smile that slowly grew wider as I spoke, until finally he threw his head back and exhaled in relief. He shook his head ruefully, and smiled his lopsided grin, while my heart turned flip-flops at the joyous sight. I squealed as he suddenly caught me in his arms and pulled me onto his lap, covering my cheeks and lips with kisses. He whispered in a voice rough with emotion. "You have no idea how good it feels to have that finally behind us."

I giggled as his breath tickled my ear. "Actually, I think I do."

And it was true. After all that time of having divided feelings as a human, it was a relief to be sure of where my sentiments lay. Hopefully, this lay to rest the last issue we had between us. Edward had done everything he said he would do. We were married and we had a lovely honeymoon, all things considered. He had changed me himself and — with the one exception — kept me from killing anybody else. He had waited patiently while I figured out my issues, and regained some of my control. Jacob was the last fly in the ointment. He would always be my friend, if he still chose to be. But Edward was my mate, and I couldn't think of a better gift to give him, than the solid assurance that he wouldn't have to share me anymore. And from the look on his face, he agreed.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

It was now early morning, several hours after we had left Carlisle. In our haste to care for our siblings, we had left the tents and equipment at La Push, and we needed to collect them. I was still dressed in the fatigues Jasper had provided, and they had seen better days. Returning to our room, I headed for the shower, throwing the ragged clothes into the trash.

It felt incredibly rejuvenating to wash off the accumulated grime from being thrown on the ground and dragged through the ocean. Hot, running water had always soothed me as a human, and now that I was more sensitive to the sensations, I could feel the tensions melting away as I rested my head against the tile.

After changing into jeans and a flannel shirt, with a white t-shirt underneath, I slipped a new jar of ointment into my pocket – just in case. It was fortunate I had one with me when I needed it. I briefly wondered what had become of the man Heidi had abducted, but knew that it was too late to help him. Glancing in the mirror, I examined the bruises on my face from Felix's beating, and was pleased to see that they were starting to recede. Reaching to my neck out of habit, I realized it was bare. I growled for a moment, eliciting a startled look from Edward.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I should have put your necklace away for safekeeping," I explained. "Jane pulled it off my neck and destroyed it to spite me."

His eyes grew pained as he thought about my experiences. "It must have been terrible for you."

"I know you won't want to hear this, but I _really_ wanted to kill Jane." As I said that, I could still feel the hot sensation lurking in the back of my throat as I thought about the evil little vampire.

To my surprise he didn't bat an eye at my bloodthirsty confession. "No, love, I'm with you on that one. She was one who deserved what she got."

Edward and I got back into the truck and returned to La Push. As usual, Alice anticipated us, and by the time we arrived at Old Quil's place, she had already finished breaking down the campsite. The tents and bags were ready to be loaded into the bed of my truck. Alice sat primly on the top of the pile, a knowing smirk on her face.

Once we had all the tents and gear packed away, we moved Quil's boat back into the barn where we had found it. The bodies of the dead tribe members had been moved, and I wondered what explanation could be given for the cause of their death. Edward called Carlisle to see where he was, and I was unsurprised that he was still at the hospital after admitting Jacob for X-rays. Sam, Billy and a couple other tribesmen were also there. However, he cautioned us from coming to visit Jacob, as Charlie was there. Carlisle said he would let us know when it was safe. As much as I wanted to see how Jake was doing, we couldn't risk being seen by Charlie and blowing our own cover story. Instead, we drove back home to put away our equipment.

When we got back to the house, Jasper met us at the door. Eleazar was helping Carmen settle her injured leg onto the chaise. Esme rested on the sofa, turning the pages of a magazine with her good hand.

Esme raised her head as we entered the living room. "Is everything sorted out?" she asked.

"More or less," Edward answered. "Any change with Emmett or the girls?"

Esme didn't speak, only sighed and gave a small shake of her head.

Edward nodded. "It's time for another treatment, anyway."

"How does your arm feel?" I wondered. I'd suffered broken bones as a human, and could only guess what having an arm torn off would feel like.

Esme shrugged her good shoulder. "The pain is manageable now. I'm also feeling more tingling, like pins and needles, so something must be happening."

"Carmen? Are you getting any feeling in your leg?" Edward asked.

Carmen looked critically at her leg, and nudged it with her other foot. "Some. It's inconvenient that it doesn't work, but at least I'm not in too much discomfort."

"Are the two of you thirsty? Can I go hunt for you?" Alice asked, but was assured by Carmen and Esme that they were fine.

The question I'd been wondering all morning rose to the surface. "Jasper, can you tell me what happened at the river? What were those explosions? I thought the Volturi were going to try and take the four of you prisoner, and then everything went crazy."

Eleazar gave a low chuckle. "Fortunately for us, Aro and Caius relied on Jane and Alec for too long. They got complacent and didn't take strategy into account."

"We had to be able to strike from a distance, to stay out of range of the twins." Edward smiled and inclined his head in Jasper's direction. "Jasper suggested using artillery."

"Artillery?" I wrinkled my brow in confusion.

Jasper grinned. "I'm still an old cavalry man, but that's what we would have done to soften up the enemy before a charge. In our case, we used simple five-pound lead weights. Cannon balls wouldn't kill a vampire, but at over three times the speed of sound, they have enough energy to do some serious damage. The explosions you heard were sonic booms, and at that speed they also strike before the sound arrives to give warning. From the look of it, we were lucky enough to get a shot on Jane and Alec, as well as several other Guardsmen."

Edward spoke again. "It was Eleazar's idea to put only bonded members in front, to neutralize Chelsea's gift. Kate was hiding in the river the entire time before we attacked."

"But where were all the wolves?" I wondered. "All I could see was Sam and a few others on the other side of the river."

"Flanking maneuver," Eleazar stated, gesturing with his hands. "Keep the enemy's attention, then hit them from somewhere else. Jacob took the wolves across the river further upstream, then waited to sweep down on the Volturi positions. I think it's been so long since Aro actually needed to fight, he didn't bother to think about it. Jane and Alec spoiled him."

"You helped too, love," Edward commented. "You distracted a number of them so they weren't putting up as organized of a defense. We were able to come ashore, and when the wolves hit, we had fairly decent odds. If Jane hadn't rallied, we might not have lost a single wolf."

"Yes, well done, Bella," Eleazar said. "You must be improving if you came through a battle without losing your self-control."

"Not really," I mumbled. "I lost it, but somehow I was able to stay on top of it enough to manage." The memory of enormous power drifted in my head, but I doubted I would be able to intentionally generate that again. "So why were the rest of the girls off to the side?"

"They were the artillery unit," Edward said. "Only a vampire could launch those projectiles silently but with enough force. We hid them in a wooded area so they could strike undetected. Or so we thought."

Eleazar grimaced. "My oversight. Old-time archers were accompanied by footmen to protect them, or were hidden behind fortifications. Only a tracker like Demetri could have found them in the heat of battle."

"Considering what they were capable of, I think it worked pretty well," Kate said to a muttering of agreement from the others. "We have casualties, but we also have survivors. Other covens were not so fortunate."

I had to agree with that. We had escaped what was normally a death sentence, so despite the sadness with regard to our fallen siblings, we had much to be thankful for. I took comfort in that as I accompanied Edward upstairs to check on Emmett and the girls.

As I walked into Emmett and Rosalie's bathroom, I felt a stab of disappointment when I saw that Rose was still in the same state we had left her. Her luxuriant blonde hair fell in a golden torrent across her pale, bare shoulders. Lovely lashes were still closed and mocked me with the appearance of sleep. On her, the silver tape holding her head on looked more like an elegant choker, rather than something from the hardware store. Did she look more pale than usual? It was possible. I sighed, and went to collect more venom for Edward to use.

After I finished and poured my contribution into the collection container, I heard Carlisle's voice downstairs. He greeted the family, checked their injuries, then came upstairs. He entered the bathroom as Edward was administering the venom to Tanya using a large syringe and a length of latex tubing inserted down her throat. Some of her strawberry-blond ringlets had been singed, and I considered trimming it for her.

"Any change in coloring?" Carlisle asked.

"Barely," Edward replied as he withdrew the tubing. "I can't hear any thoughts, not even their subconscious. If they're in shock or stasis, it's quite complete."

Carlisle lifted Tanya's hand, palpated her wrist, and squeezed her forearm gently, searching for something of which I had no idea. Lowering her arm, he sighed. "Carry on."

"Carlisle? Is Jacob okay?" Making sure not to offend Edward, I kept my tone as neutral as I could.

"Yes, he's stable now, which is why I felt I could leave the hospital. He still has no feeling or movement in his lower body, but at least his spine is healing properly. I did have to re-set it, and it was better he was sedated for that."

"What story did we have for all the casualties?"

Carlisle's face remained somber at mention of the slain tribesmen. "Billy came up with that. They had an old van and the story is a group of young men were in it, coming back from a tribal event in Seattle. Unfortunately, on the way home it went off the road, over a cliff and into the Pacific. Jacob, Jared, and Collin were thrown from the vehicle and were the only survivors. I happened to come across the accident, and called it in."

I performed a mental double-take. "You mean you loaded the bodies into the van and dumped them into the ocean? Isn't that kind of...I dunno, disrespectful? Won't the authorities wonder about the wounds when they pull the van out and examine the bodies?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No, we didn't put the bodies in the van. The Quileutes have them and are preparing to conduct their own ceremonies. Considering a number of injured were 'thrown' from the vehicle, it's not a stretch that any bodies might be carried away from the vehicle by the tide."

"Oh, that makes sense." Images of Jake wrapped up in splints and braces after the last battle came to my mind. "Can Jake have visitors?"

"Certainly. We'll just have to sneak you by the nursing staff. You're supposed to be in school, you know."

"Yes, I do." Carlisle's reminder jogged my memory that we had a paper in psychology due in a couple weeks, but after all we had been through, it seemed so mundane.

"By the way, when Charlie was at the hospital, he asked me to have you call him. He seemed rather stressed out to me, but it might have been due to the early hour he'd been called out of bed. He did say you weren't answering your phone."

"Oh, I turned it off when we started using the radios. It's in our room, I'll go call him." I excused myself to go deal with Charlie.

My cell phone was still in the backpack I'd taken to the reservation. When I switched it on, it immediately began to ping with notifications for messages and voicemails. "What in the world?" I muttered out loud. My voice mail was full of messages from my parents, all starting the day of the battle with the Volturi. They began a little bemused and thanked me for the kind thoughts. Then as the messages progressed, they got more and more frantic about my well-being. I wasn't at all prepared for what I heard.

"Bella? Hey, Bells honey, it's me. Can you call me back as soon as you can? You're starting to worry the old man. I don't know why you're sad but we can deal with it. Please call me or your mom, okay?" A deep sigh washed over the receiver before he hung up. That last call from Charlie came in yesterday night.

"Bella? Bella, why aren't you answering your phone? Are you still at school? I got your message and I love you, too, but you've never sounded like this before. And Edward's not answering either and nobody's home and I'm worried and please, please, _please_ call me—" The message terminated as my mom trailed off incoherently. That message was also from yesterday. And then it dawned on me.

"Oh no," I groaned, and collapsed onto the bed.

Edward was instantly at my side, his worried face close to mine. "What's wrong, love?"

I covered my face with my hands. "You know the e-mails I set to send automatically to Mom and Dad a couple days ago? They got sent. I thought I'd have plenty of time, and I was going to delete them when we got back from talking to Jane and Alec the first time. But I forgot about it when the wolves got attacked."

"What did you say?" Carlisle leaned against the doorway with his arms folded.

I exhaled loudly and slapped my hands down on my thighs. "I was telling them goodbye. In case we didn't make it. I was telling them I loved them…" My voice went faint as I imagined what they must be feeling right now.

"Call them and tell them you're okay," Carlisle said. "That's what he asked me to tell you."

I had to admit, I thought about it. Edward didn't speak as I looked down at my hands, thinking. Then I gazed through the windows, up at the cloud cover, where a slight thinning allowed some of the sunlight to filter through.

"You could do it, you know," Edward said, with quiet confidence. "The Volturi have been destroyed. Even though two escaped, without Aro or Chelsea it's unlikely that they'll rebuild. There's no one to enforce the law to keep the secret. No one to prevent you from telling your parents what's happened to you. You could have your parents in your life if you wish."

Before I could stop myself, I felt a surge of wild hope. It wasn't too late. The message, while out of character, hadn't been outright suicidal. I could call them and explain that I had just been feeling a little sentimental about the coming holidays. We could even have them over for Christmas. My self-control was pretty good with the ointment on.

But without the ointment, I _had_ lost control. Just the memory of how the man's blood had smelled without the ointment made my thirst rise again. If I ever lost control like that around my parents…the thought of my fingers sinking into the trunk of a tree like a knife into butter made me grimace. I looked down at my hands and rubbed my fingers together. They felt normal to me, but when compared to human tissue it was a different story. My rock hard skin reflected the bare daylight in minute rainbows.

I was pretty positive my mom was open minded enough to accept me no matter what I had become. Whether she could keep it a secret was another story. But Charlie? Maybe, maybe not. I think, after the initial shock wore off, Charlie would still love me enough to accept my change, as long as I didn't kill people. Or at least I hoped so. He'd probably want to know about all the Cullens, what their ages were, how they were maintaining their identities. But what would he do if he found out I had killed Mike and Jessica?

I sighed and twined my fingers together. "I hate to say it, but some of the things that Aro said at the end did make sense," I said.

"Which things?" Carlisle asked.

"Humans will never accept us, even as vegetarians," I said. "Maybe nobody is stopping us, but does that mean we should go the other way and tell everybody what we are?"

"We're not talking about a wholesale exposure of vampires, Bella," Edward said. "Just you. Just us. And just Charlie and Renee."

"But think about it for a minute." I reached out and took Edward's hand. "We'd be confirming for him that the boogeyman exists. That there are things that prey on humans. A potential source of murders that happen all over the planet. He's a cop, do you think he'd be able to keep quiet about that?"

Silence filled the room as they thought about that.

"And if he couldn't keep quiet, he'll either be labeled a nut job, or if other vampires decide to take over from the Volturi, he'll be a target." I turned to Carlisle, who walked over to the leather couch and sat down. "Carlisle, have you ever met a human who didn't hate or fear us once they knew what we were?"

"Only one. Yourself," he said with an ironic smile. "I'm certain my father would have had me destroyed if he had known."

"There are some who desire the power," Edward pointed out. "Remember the woman who wanted to join the Volturi?"

I remembered her, because of the horror I had felt at her wanting to be part of an organization that systematically killed hundreds of humans every year. But she would be the exception rather than the norm. "Humans can be pretty intolerant," I said slowly. "And considering they do have weapons that can destroy us now, don't you think it would be better if we still kept it quiet?"

As I looked into Edward's eyes, he gazed back with absolute understanding. A little sadness perhaps, because he didn't want to take my parents away from me but he squeezed my hand and nodded in acceptance. I gave him an answering squeeze and sighed.

"Well, the timing isn't great. We ought to lay low and make sure nobody's suspicious about what happened at La Push." I shook my head and shrugged. "Nothing to be done for it now."

I didn't say anything more as I lifted my phone and called the hospital. Edward watched quietly and caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. Carlisle leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head.

After a few rings the attending nurse answered and put me through to Jake's room. When the line picked up, I was surprised to hear Leah's voice.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, Leah. It's Bella. How's Jake doing?"

"From what Carlisle told us, it could be worse. Looks like they're going to have two wheelchairs in the house, now."

I closed my eyes against that image. The Jacob in my mind was so super-human — lifting a motorcycle out of my truck, jumping from my second-floor window — the idea that he would go through life disabled was very upsetting. "Is he awake?"

"Sure. You wanna talk to him?" Leah's voice was free from any anger or animosity, so I felt reassured that I wasn't intruding.

"Yes, please."

There was a quick shuffling and a whispered, "it's Bella," before Jake came on the line.

"Hey, Stinkie. What's up?"

"Look who's talking," I retorted. "When's the last time you had a shower?"

"Well, considering I need help to go to the bathroom, it's going to be a while."

"Oh." Even though he was using his wisecracking voice, I felt instantly guilty for my gibe. "Are you in any pain?"

"Not as much as before, so I'll take it."

"That's good. Jake, I—" I tried and discarded a few ways to broach the subject, then decided to simply jump in. "Um, Jake, I have a favor to ask."

"Is it gonna get me killed?"

"No! Geez, Jake what kinda—"

Jacob's laugh interrupted me. "Kidding! Kidding! Sure, you name it. I'm keeping track, though. Last I remember, we were even on the slave-for-life thing."

I snorted at that comment. "Well, this might tip the scales in your favor." I took a quick breath and spoke deliberately. "I was hoping you and Billy could take care of Charlie for me. But if you can't do it, do you think Sue might look in on him?"

Jacob didn't speak for longer than was customary, although I could hear him breathing. I wished I had thought to do this in person so I could see his expression, but it couldn't wait. When he finally spoke, the tone of disapproval was unmistakable. "So, you're going to disappear?"

"No, Jake. It's time for me to die."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_**A/N**: So what was the big holdup? Just had to change something for Carlisle. Would the compassionate Carlisle really leave behind critically wounded patients, and take care of his own family first? Not if he had another family member, who just happened to have two medical degrees. Yet that's what I had Carlisle doing, in my first draft. That one little change triggered a re-write of over half the chapter. I hope it was worth the wait, in order to remain true to Carlisle's character._

_Only one more chapter and an epilogue to go! As always, love to hear your thoughts!  
><em>


	30. Chapter 29: Fledgling

_**A/N**: Many thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story through all the delays. I appreciate every single follow, favorite, review and read! Thanks so much for your support!  
><em>

_I could not do this without _Katmom_. Well, maybe I could try but it'd be ugly. And where would I be without _Sherryola_, who brings her unique and thorough view of the canon universe. Big hugs to you both!_

___**Disclaimer**: To Stephenie Meyer, all rights to Twilight and the characters belong; borrow her clones, do we, in pursuit of entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.___

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><p><span>Chapter 29 – Fledgling<span>

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_ The first thing I want to say is that I love you both very much. At one time I thought nineteen was a long way off. But now that I'm here I feel like we had so little time together. If time flies when you're having fun, I must have had a ball growing up, because it feels like I just blinked and it was already time to move out of the house._

_ I'm so sorry we missed Thanksgiving this year. I didn't realize that college would be this much work, and the next thing I knew it was the holidays, and I still had some papers to write and exams to study for. I promise we'll make it up to you at Christmas._

_Mom, I'll always appreciate you letting me live my life, and being there to support me in everything I tried to do. Thank you for the ballet and piano lessons, the just you and me vacations and memories of toes in the sand. If there's anything I learned from you, it's that you have to follow your dreams, because without dreams the world can be a pretty boring place. Just do me a favor and don't try anymore hobbies that involve altitude._

_ Dad, the last couple years have been absolutely unforgettable, and not just because I met Edward when I came to Forks. I finally got a chance to get to know who you are, the best, most caring dad any girl has ever been lucky enough to have. I know I wasn't always the easiest to live with. Sorry you had to deal with my crazy teenage years. Mom will tell you I wasn't like that when I was in Phoenix. Sometimes I envied the girls in my class because they had a dad around and I didn't, but I see that it made me who I am now, so I have no regrets. I'm glad we got the chance to spend more time together and you'll be happy to know that I've come to love living in Forks. Thank you for trying to teach me how to fish and to ride a bike._

_ Meeting and marrying Edward is one of the high points in my life and I'm so thankful that you both were able to share that day with me. Dad, I know you didn't always approve of him, but thank you for giving him a chance and trusting my judgment. I don't have the words to tell you how happy he makes me. I just want you both to know that, no matter where I end up after Dartmouth, whether it's back in Forks or somewhere else, I'm truly happy._

_ You're probably wondering why I'm writing this long-winded, sentimental letter to both of you at once. Well, I remember hearing both of you say at one time or another that you wished you could have done things differently. Please don't feel that way, either of you. I think things turned out just fine, and I wanted to make sure you both know that I appreciate all you've done for me. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. I love you both so very, very much, and I can't wait to see you both at Christmas. Take care of yourselves._

_Lots of love,  
>Bella<em>

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

As I stood in the woods behind the Olympia Presbyterian Church, I thought about what I had said in my last letter to my parents. It wasn't a suicide letter, but the fact that I had never written anything like that to them before was bound to raise questions. And when Edward and I didn't answer the phone, well, it all just snowballed from there. I didn't think I could cover everything in it, but the most important thing was to tell them how much I loved them. That would be the last thought that they would have from me. Hopefully that would be enough to carry them through the years.

As usual, Forks provided the perfect weather for a funeral: heavy overcast and rain that alternated with mist but never truly let up. The soft notes of "Amazing Grace" wafted from the organ and filled the air around the church. When the music stopped, I heard Angela's father begin to speak, giving the eulogy. I sighed; it was sad but I had cried myself out months ago, when I had first decided to cut myself off from my parents' world. I wondered who had spoken at the service for Mike and Jessica. At least their parents had something to lay to rest.

Edward crept quietly to my side. Water made his hair cling together in spikes and dripped off his glorious face that was filled with his concern for me. I felt better that my defense mechanisms didn't immediately go crazy anymore. I'd heard his footsteps long ago, and the air brought his scent to where I leaned against a cypress tree. If I expanded my field to its full extent, I was certain no one could sneak up on me, but pushing it out for long periods of time was still tiring.

"I knew I'd find you here," he said, his voice velvet soft. "This isn't good for you, you know."

"I know, but I couldn't help myself. I had to see them."

Edward didn't speak for a time, while he rubbed my back gently. "Eventually, they'll be okay. It's not easy to lose a loved one." He put his arms around my waist, while I placed my hands over his strong arms, leaning back into him as we both listened to the service. Pastor Weber was talking about the tragedy of two souls being joined in matrimony, only to be taken up to heaven so shortly after.

"What are my mom and dad thinking?" I asked.

"One minute." He let go of me for a moment. He frowned in concentration as he focused on my parents, whose thoughts were not as distinct as most people's. "Renee is thinking you had so little time together. But she's glad you were happy in the life you chose."

I pressed my lips together and nodded. "And Charlie?"

"He's thinking it's not right for parents to outlive their children. But he's grateful he got to walk you down the aisle."

The rain dripped off the leaves and branches above us and splashed off our already waterlogged clothes. I wasn't dressed in camouflage to blend in with the forest, but I thought a dark shirt and pants were appropriate for the occasion. "Is this the first time Carlisle and Esme have done this?"

"To this level of complexity, yes. When Rosalie and Emmett were turned, people disappeared all the time and were harder to trace. It was a bit more complicated with Rose, because she came from a prominent family. Bad enough that she disappeared, but then there was the slight detail of her fiancé and all his friends being murdered shortly after her disappearance. With Alice and Jasper, all the people they knew had given them up for dead long ago."

In hindsight, dying as a human was easy. Faking it was not. Just after the fight, and the deluge of phone calls to Carlisle, he had called both Renee and Charlie, and told them not to worry. He explained that we had planned to fly back to surprise them since we had missed Thanksgiving. The only hitch was Edward was eager to use his newly earned pilot's license, and had rented a private, single-engine Cessna to fly us back from New Hampshire. He told them that we were likely en route so that's why they hadn't heard from us. Carlisle had apologized for spoiling the surprise but he didn't want them to continue worrying.

We had driven two cars east – Edward and I in his Volvo, Alice driving my truck. We had stashed the truck in the Rocky Mountains, in a wilderness area about four miles out of Darby, Montana, and had marked the spot in our GPS. Alice, Edward and I had taken turns driving across country to a small airport near Hanover, New Hampshire, where we had picked up the plane. Then Alice had driven back home to Forks in Edward's car. I had taken our bags and put them on board the plane while Edward had filed our flight plan. The timing was a little tricky, because our filed plan would show a departure date after my parents had begun trying to find me. But there was nothing we could do about it so we just forged ahead. The man at the airport was concerned by Edward's youth, and cautioned us about some bad weather coming down into Montana and Wyoming from Canada. With his customary self-confidence, Edward reassured him he had plenty of flight time under his belt.

Like everything else, Edward was a very skilled pilot. I had only been in large aircraft before, but his takeoff and attention to protocol were very smooth. I also found myself enjoying the greater sensation of speed that came with a small plane.

Following our flight plan, we stopped at a number of air fields to refuel during our journey west. We cruised at our assigned altitude, on course, sometimes conversing quietly, sometimes just enjoying the ride. It was quite pleasant, spending time alone with him, and completely at odds with the enormity of our task. Once or twice he gazed at me intently, the question apparent in his eyes. I smiled and nodded to reassure him. Like my decision to come live in Forks, my decision to love him no matter what he was, and my decision to let Jacob go, this decision was made, and I wasn't going back.

As we crossed central Montana, a weather front loomed and would have forced us to detour from our flight plan. But that suited our scheme just fine as we got closer to the location marked in the GPS. If we did this right, it should look like the plane went down in bad weather — a tragic, but understandable, accident.

We had steered straight into the thickening clouds. Turbulence began to knock the small plane around, but Edward kept control quite easily. When we were maybe twenty-five miles away from our destination, Edward nodded to me. I reached into the back and pulled out the two parachutes he had packed. I'd never jumped out of a plane before and thought that I would be terrified. But it seemed that the vampire equivalent of adrenaline blotted it out and I found myself eager for the experience, just like with mountain climbing before.

Reclining my seat, I strapped the chute on as Edward had shown me. In the space behind the seats was a duffel bag with some clothes. My backpack with textbooks and wallet sat on the floor in front of me. I double-checked to make sure my car keys were zipped in one of my jacket pockets. Edward put the plane on autopilot while he buckled his chute on. When he resumed control of the plane he gave me a meaningful look.

"Let's do it," I said, grinning as the excitement built in me.

Edward gave me a countdown, and we both reached for our doors. The pressure of the passing wind would have made it difficult for a human to push the doors open, but we had no problem.

"Try to stay close!" Edward yelled over the roar of the wind. He made sure the auto pilot was off, and we jumped.

I thought I would be disoriented as we tumbled out of the plane, but vampire senses kept track of everything. I knew which way was up, and where the plane was. Tiny ice crystals and moisture in the air pattered against my clothing as I fell. The sensation of falling didn't faze me as it once had while riding roller coasters. I counted to five to get clear of the plane, as Edward had instructed, then pulled the rip cord.

The rip cord released a pilot chute, which pulled out the main chute, and my canopy blossomed out above me. With a jerk, I came out of free-fall. I felt a brief moment of disappointment that the ride was over. We would have to do this again sometime, from a higher altitude. But then I remembered that sky-diving was usually done in clear skies, so that might not be possible for us. Oh well.

Edward's chute was also open and he dangled roughly forty yards away from me. He gave me a quick thumbs up and a smile. I reached up, and with a little experimental pulling on the harness, was able to steer. Edward headed for the landing site he had marked in the GPS. It was on the side of a mountain somewhere below us. I couldn't see it so I followed Edward's chute. I kept half an eye on the plane as it nosed down, rolled side-to-side a bit, and disappeared into the angry clouds. Before long I heard a crash that echoed off the sides of the mountains and the terrain below.

The rest of the operation was fairly anti-climactic. If we got separated, I had an avalanche transceiver in my jacket that would allow Edward to find me. But while snow still fell as we drifted lower, it wasn't falling hard enough to keep me from seeing Edward, so I was able to follow him. We landed safely in a snow covered meadow and took off our equipment. After gathering the chutes and bundling them up, we uprooted a tree and buried them under it. According to the GPS, we were only about fifteen miles away from my truck. The hardest part was running through some deep snow drifts, because we hadn't brought snow shoes. We had regular outerwear and a parka in case we encountered humans, but no other special equipment. Other than that, the trek through snowbound, unmarked forest was uneventful. In fact, if we weren't doing something urgent, I wouldn't have minded enjoying the rugged winter landscape. The snowy crags of the Rocky Mountain ranges soared up toward the heavy clouds and reminded me a lot of Denali.

In about an hour, we were inside the truck and on our way home. Using a prepaid cell phone, we let Carlisle know we were on the ground. Then I broke the phone into little pieces and discarded the bits as we went. By the time we crossed the state line into Washington, Carlisle had called emergency services to report that our plane had never landed at Sea-Tac airport. Days later, when the weather cleared, searchers from the Montana Civil Air Patrol spotted our plane from the air, broken and scattered near Trapper Peak in the Bitterroot National Forest.

As I listened to the memorial service, I thought back to the _really_ difficult part — waiting until the search was called off and we were declared dead. Technically, we didn't really need to wait; the deed had been done and we could disappear for real now. The only thing that might derail the operation would be if we were discovered in Forks, but our comatose siblings needed our care. It didn't feel right to leave just yet.

Charlie had decided to go to Montana, to help with the search if he could, and to be near the crash site. Deputy Mark was placed in charge of the police station in Charlie's absence. Before he left, he had come over to the house to talk and commiserate with Carlisle and Esme. Unfortunately, I had told Charlie of Edward's replacement for my old truck, and had sent him a picture. It wasn't as flashy as some of the family cars, but it was still unique, and sure to raise questions if seen. So one of the first things we had done on our return to Forks was to put my truck in storage.

While it was unlikely that Charlie would come upstairs to the bedrooms, we couldn't take the chance that he might see Emmett and the girls. There was no sign of venom seeping from their wounds, so Carlisle deemed it safe to move them. Just in case, we carried them up to the attic, and placed them on spare mattresses.

Edward and I locked ourselves upstairs in the attic, but I could easily hear the absolute anguish in Charlie's voice as he talked with the rest of the family, updating them on what he had heard of the search, any promising leads the searchers had come up with, and the next plan of attack. Markings on the fuselage confirmed the plane was ours. My wallet with ID had been found fairly quickly, and our baggage was found near the shattered cabin, but there was no sign of us. Only Charlie's iron determination to find us kept him going, and it took all the resolve I had to stay quiet and let him suffer. I clung tightly to Edward and he comforted me until Charlie left.

The family didn't need to feign sorrow to fool my grieving father. In the Cullen residence, a pall had fallen. Rosalie was a little self-centered, but she was still family and a beloved daughter. She had her own way of showing love, and it was missed. The absence of Emmett's giant personality left a huge vacuum. Our Denali relatives were rather subdued as they tended to our sisters. Over a week had passed since the battle, and none of our patients in the attic had shown any sign of improvement. Every so often, I would hear Esme stop what she was doing and cry for a little while. Kate was very quiet, even more than usual. Jasper was busy trying to keep spirits from falling too low, and I could tell that both he and Edward missed Emmett's presence.

I didn't realize it, but I was more affected than I thought. Once, after I finished a shower, Alice came to play with my hair as she sometimes liked to do. But I snapped at her, and she left in a huff. When I came to my senses I realized what was bothering me. Alice must be missing Rosalie, too. I found Alice in her room and apologized.

"I'm sorry, Alice, I'm just so worried," I said as I hugged her. Her short hair tickled my nose and I had to lift my head a little bit.

"Everybody's pretty down," she agreed. "Jasper's really getting a workout."

"Can you see if they're going to be okay?" I asked hopefully.

She shook her head in apology. "There's nothing in them to make a decision now, so I can't really see anything. All we can do is wait."

Alice was always so Zen about things, sometimes I wanted to scream. This time I just sighed. "I just wish we knew for sure…"

"I know, Bella." Alice patted me on the back. "I know. Look on the bright side. Carlisle is starting to get some real sensation in his hand, and so is Esme in her arm. Even if they can't move them, that's some kind of progress. So we can only hope the same is going on with Emmett, Rose and Tanya."

"I suppose," I admitted. That was something to be cheerful about, that Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be maimed for life.

"Now sit down. Let's see what we can do with this hair," she said as she steered me into her bathroom.

Carlisle kept an eye on his patients, and regularly administered doses of venom to them. At two weeks after the battle, I couldn't be sure, but I thought maybe their color was a little less pale. Carlisle decided that we should try feeding them. It was about the time they would have become thirsty anyway, and if their bodies were well-fed it might help the healing process. All of us went hunting with instructions to bring back freshly killed, but intact, prey. Edward and I thought to get a bear for Emmett, but we couldn't find any. We settled for a mountain lion and an elk and killed them by breaking their necks.

When we arrived at home with our kills, we found that the garage had been transformed into a macabre slaughterhouse: animals were suspended from the rafters and from Rosalie's engine hoist, their blood being collected into containers. The combined smell of all the different kinds of blood was almost too much for me, and I had to drop my kill and dash into the house to apply a healthy dose of ointment before I could help. When we had drained a number of carcasses, some of the blood we took immediately up to the attic. The rest we put in containers with some additives to keep the blood from clotting while in storage.

Carlisle pushed a feeding tube into Emmett's mouth and down his esophagus, then fed him from pouches hung on an IV stand. At first I wasn't sure anything different was happening. But after about ten pints of blood, Emmett's skin seemed to have achieved a faint flush. So maybe we were onto something. We continued the process with Rosalie and Tanya.

Edward and I tried to get back into some kind of routine while we waited for news that the search had been called off. Since we were dead, there wasn't any point in completing the homework for our classes. But the material was still new and interesting to me so I kept reading through the textbooks. Unfortunately, we had to get new copies of our books. I had left our original set on the plane to stage the accident, and because Edward and I had registered for the same classes we only bothered to buy one set. For once being thrifty proved to be short-sighted.

Just to keep in practice, and break up the monotony, we threw in some sparring sessions, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes with Jasper and Eleazar. Kate had contacted Irina to let her know what had happened, and that they were staying with us a little longer to help care for our downed siblings. We also packed some of our non-essential things, in preparation for our eventual move, and staged our room as if we'd moved off to college. The bed and the leather couch remained, but the bookshelves and closet were mostly empty as part of the charade.

I really wished there was something I could do to help our fallen. For lack of anything better to contribute, I took a book up to the attic and started reading out loud to them. I'd heard stories of people in comas being able to hear, even though there was no outward evidence that they were aware. The first time I began reading, I hoped the sound of my voice might spur some kind of movement or awareness — any kind of indication they weren't merely unresponsive stone. But their faces still showed no signs of life. I felt a little awkward, reading aloud to a collection of statues, but I kept at it.

After three weeks, Carlisle and Esme began sensing even more feeling in their re-attached limbs. Carlisle could move his fingers, so he removed the cast. On examination, his hand was back to normal. He checked Esme and Carmen's injuries and pronounced them healed. Only the closest examination with vampire vision could find the evidence of a break, and only if you knew where to look.

With all the events of the past few months, it was easy for me to forget the season, just as I had missed the passing of Thanksgiving. So I was dismayed when Alice began putting up a Christmas tree. I hadn't thought about getting something for Edward yet. I had thought that Christmas might have become just part of the human charade, but Carlisle had stayed true to his religious upbringing. While we didn't attend church, Carlisle still observed the birth of Jesus. The tree, decorations, and Nativity scene were more than simply props in the human façade.

And yet, it wasn't easy. This would be the first year they had observed Christmas without Emmett or Rosalie. Esme tried to be cheerful, but by her sighs and the heaviness of her step, the loss of her children weighed on her.

I wanted to commemorate the occasion for Edward as the last year I was human, and also hoped I could cheer him up. Then I thought, why not cheer the whole family up? I enlisted Alice's help, since it was impossible to surprise her anyway, and we went on a clandestine shopping trip.

On Christmas Eve, I hid myself in the laundry room with wrapping paper and ribbons. When I was finished, I put everything under the tree, except for Edward's. I wanted to present those myself.

After midnight on Christmas morning, I found Edward sitting on the couch in our room, reading a book. Handel was playing softly on the sound system. I was doubly thankful that he couldn't read my thoughts when I presented him with a number of small, brightly wrapped packages.

"Thank you, love," he said with a warm smile. "But you didn't have to get me anything. You're the greatest gift I could ever ask for."

I nestled up against his shoulder and returned his gentle kiss. "I feel the same way about you," I said. "But it's just a little something. Go on, open it."

I was very gratified by his look of appreciation when he opened two sets of books – the complete works of Hegel, and the _Tao Te Ching_ by Lao Tzu – and a CD of a local band that hadn't made the big time yet. Alice had helped me pick them out and assured me he would like them.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he repeated. "Unfortunately, I'm feeling a little remiss, having adhered to your original injunction against gifts. As far as you're concerned, have the rules changed on gift giving?" His eyes were quite wistful as he asked me that, and I fought back a giggle as I looked at him.

"You've given me eternal life," I said, making my eyes wide and my face as solemn as I could manage. "There's no way I'll ever be able to match that for as long as I live."

Edward looked rather crestfallen and began to sigh in resignation. He gave me more regard than he had any business doing. I put my arms around his neck and nuzzled his cheek. "All right, if it'll make you happy." I was suddenly smothered as he crushed me to his chest, laughing. "But don't go overboard, okay?" I managed to say before he silenced my objections with a kiss.

I was just starting to focus on the silky feel of his lips sliding gently on mine, when a low commotion and some laughter from downstairs came to our attention. Despite not needing the air, my chest was still moving quickly as Edward stopped and listened.

"They must be opening presents," I explained. "Alice and I got a few little things to cheer everybody up. Should we join them?"

"No, let them enjoy themselves," Edward said, with a warm, liquid smile. "They're opening their presents, I'm opening mine."

I wasn't about to argue with him and with a languid smile, pressed his face closer to me.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Down in La Push, things were as back to normal as could be after the death of six tribe members. The stunt with the van had gone off without a hitch. It was still a tragedy to the tribe, but nobody was suspicious of it being anything other than a horrible accident. Jacob, Quil and Seth's survival on being ejected from the van was viewed as a minor miracle, despite their injuries.

Edward and Alice both kept an ear and an eye open to see if any suspicions had been raised by the noises that took place the night of the battle. With the exception of us having to play dead, it would have been any other holiday season in Forks. I felt bad that the timing of our "death" would forever taint the holidays for my parents, but there was nothing we could do for that either.

One month after they found our plane, the local search and rescue crew called off the active search operations. The emphasis of the search had been changed from 'rescue' to 'recovery.' They would investigate reports of any new signs of us but for now the chances of us surviving both the crash, and a month in the frozen wilderness was considered too remote to be possible.

Renee had also traveled to Montana to be near the last place we had been on earth. I couldn't imagine what my parents must have been feeling at that point. Charlie stayed on for several weeks longer, aided by volunteers from the local emergency workers who wanted to aid a fellow law officer. Carlisle sent money to keep the search operations going. Renee started to get a little hysterical with not much to keep her mind off the anguish, so Phil took her home. But after a while, even the volunteer searchers had to get back to their own lives. At that point Carlisle sent enough money to hire local people familiar with the backwoods of the Bitterroots to help with the search. Even then, there was only so much they could do. Eventually, Charlie's responsibilities at home began to conflict with his desires as a father and he, too, gave up. Through the phone, I could hear his heart breaking when he called Carlisle to say that he was coming home. Carlisle offered to pick him up from the airport and Charlie was so distraught he accepted. It was nine weeks after the battle with the Volturi and eight weeks since we had been reported missing.

Since Charlie was coming over to the house, I got things put away so we could hide in the attic. But Edward surprised me with a suggestion.

"Why don't you go down to La Push and see Jacob?"

I was so shocked I stared at him as if he'd sprouted an extra head.

"Listening to Charlie suffer distresses you. I thought you might want a break." Edward shrugged, his amber eyes sincere and not troubled at all. "And besides, it might be the last time you see him for a while."

And then I understood — with Charlie giving up and coming home, we might be moving on sooner, rather than later. Wordlessly, I raised my hand to caress Edward's cheek. It never ceased to amaze me how understanding and thoughtful he could be.

He also had fewer anxieties about me visiting the reservation. After the battle, Jacob and Carlisle had re-negotiated the treaty to one of mutual support and co-existence; now we could come and go as we pleased. Out of habit, the wolves stayed on their land but at least we didn't have the territorial drama to deal with anymore. Because of this, Edward no longer worried about me coming to harm on werewolf land. While his concern for my well-being was gratifying, it was a relief to be free from his over-protective tendencies.

According to Carlisle, Jacob's broken back had healed correctly within a week. But not his spinal cord – he still couldn't walk and was using one of Billy's old wheelchairs. Despite his disability, he wasn't staying at home in front of the TV. He still got around, still worked on his car; his unusual upper body strength allowing him to maneuver himself.

I had seen this myself, the last time I had visited Jacob at La Push, a week before Charlie's decision to return to Forks. As I drew closer to Jacob's garage, I'd heard voices. From the sound of it, Leah was with him. I'd stopped for a moment, wondering if I shouldn't intrude, and Jake's voice came to me clearly in the evening air.

"So what are you going to do if the vamps leave town?" he asked. "You still thinking of school?"

Leah answered him. "Yeah, I wanted to get off the Rez. I was thinking about that until I got sucked into this wolf thing.

"So after Sam, you were gonna…"

"Yeah."

They both fell silent for a while, until Jacob's sigh sounded through the garage. "This wolf crap sure screwed things up."

"Yeah, but look on the bright side. If you were normal, you'd be way too wimpy to be a mechanic."

Jake laughed at that, then there was another silence. "You sure you don't mind hanging out here? I know I wasn't Mr. Congeniality to you…"

"Don't worry about it, Jake, neither was I." There was a clink of tools. "Besides, I'm starting to like working on cars. They don't talk back."

Jacob gave another snort of laughter. "Like that'd stop you?"

I was beginning to think I had come at a bad time, but before I could leave the sound of work stopped.

"Someone's there," Jacob whispered and I heard a sniff. Crap, the wind had shifted, blowing my scent toward the open garage door. "Bella, is that you?" Jacob called. Of course, he would recognize the smell of ointment mixed with my scent.

I gave a mental sigh. "Yeah, it's me." I heard tools being picked up again as I trudged the rest of the way to the garage. When I entered the door, Jacob was leaning against the side of his car. For once he wasn't shirtless, and his biceps strained the sleeves of the t-shirt he wore. As I watched, he bent forward on his hands and, like an orangutan, hitched himself sideways a couple inches and rested his hips on the fender of the car, leaning on his elbows. Leah was on the other side of the car, reaching into the engine compartment.

"Hey, Bella," he said, wiping his hands on a rag.

"Hi, Jake. Hi, Leah," I answered. The corner of Leah's mouth twitched in a hint of a smile as she nodded at me.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I asked him.

"What for?" He snorted. "Dr. Fang said my back is healed as well as it can be. I can't really hurt it any more than it is, so what's the point in sitting around?"

I had to agree he had a point. And as I watched him work I realized that he was coping and doing a pretty good job of it. Most other people who had just lost the ability to walk might be depressed or angry about it. Not Jacob.

"What brings you out here?" He squinted up at me.

I shrugged. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You seem to be getting around pretty well, all things considered."

"It's not so bad," Jake muttered. "Except when I really have to put my body weight into something. Then it's kind of a pain in the butt. Hunh," he grunted. "Leah, could you hand me that plug wrench? Yeah, that one. Thanks." He reached in and began tightening or loosening something in the bowels of the engine.

"I also wanted to let you know that we're eventually going to move." I made a face. "Since we're dead, Edward and I are going to leave first. The rest of the family might come afterwards."

"Where you guys going?"

"Not sure yet," I said. "We were originally going to wait until Charlie declares me legally dead. Just to make sure nothing goes wrong. But since we're starting over, we might just leave earlier."

"Will you come back?" Leah asked, her beautiful eyes curious.

"I…don't know. I've never done this before," I admitted.

"Are you okay with it?" Jake asked.

"Sure," I shrugged. "It's part of what we do."

Jake continued to work on something, and eventually removed what I recognized as a sparkplug. He tossed it into a pan holding various small parts. "You know the last time the Cullens moved away, they didn't come back for seventy years."

"Yeah, I know." The first time, they had met Jacob's great-grandfather. If we left now, we might not come back for a long time, too. Long enough that all the people I knew here would be dead. Trust Jacob to see right to the heart of the matter. Billy, Charlie and everybody I knew from high school. They'd either be dead or really, really old. But not Jacob.

"You'll still be alive, right? Taha Aki outlived three wives, didn't he?" I asked, recalling the legend.

"You're talking about a legend, you know. And the third one didn't really count, considering what she did," he retorted.

"You know what I mean."

"I do. But it may be that when the vampires move away, we won't need to phase anymore. Remember?"

I did remember. "And if you stop phasing you'll begin to age again."

Jacob nodded. So it was possible that the next time we returned to this region, he and the rest of the tribe could be very old. If they were alive at all.

I could feel my voice getting thick, but cleared my throat and shook it off. Leah was watching me, and I hesitated about what I was going to say, then realized this was for her ears, too. "Jake, if I'm not going to see you again, I wanted to say thank you. You're my best friend. You picked me up when I was down. You saved my life. I'll never forget that."

"I think we're even on that last one." He grunted again, and hitched himself across the fender of the car, then let himself fall into the wheelchair. "I really hope this was all worth it."

"Don't start, Jake," I muttered, and looked away. "It was worth it." I didn't want to argue about anything just now. I looked around the garage. It was pretty sparse, considering it belonged to a mechanic. I always was amazed at what he could do with so few tools. My eyes fell on my old motorcycle. "You're going to sell my bike, right? You should get something out of it."

Jake wiped his face with the back of his hand. "I dunno. Don't you want it?"

I shook my head. "I don't really have a use for it anymore. I can run faster than it can go now."

Jacob gazed at me for a long moment, seeming to let my words sink in. Then he pursed his lips and nodded. "We'll see." Then his eyes brightened and he looked over at Leah. "Maybe I'll give it to Leah. Hey Lee, you wanna learn to ride?"

Leah rolled her eyes at him. "And just how are you going to teach me?"

"If I can teach the klutz here how to ride, I can teach you. I don't _have_ to be able to walk."

"You don't have to prove anything, you know," Leah said with an acerbic shake of her head.

"Not proving anything," he said with a smile, something I hadn't seen from him in a while.

"No thanks," Leah said, her eyes holding Jacob with a steady gaze. "I don't need to learn. I can run faster than it can go, too."

I thought I could sense an undercurrent in the garage, and was beginning to feel my first instinct was right. I decided to make my escape. "Anyway, I should get going," I said. "Take care of him, Leah."

"Not my job," Leah had said with a smirk. "He's too hard-headed to listen to me anyway."

I'd caught Jacob's gaze and chuckled at Leah's remarks. "I know how that is." He'd rolled his eyes at me. "See you guys around." With a final wave, I'd turned and walked out of Jacob's garage.

I realized that Edward was still waiting for an answer to his incredibly selfless offer, watching me patiently with his calm amber eyes. As always, he would do whatever he felt I needed, no matter the cost to him. Well, it was high time I returned the favor.

"You know what?" I began slowly. "I've already said my goodbyes to them. It's not something I need to drag on. I'll just call him when we leave. In fact—" I sat up straighter as the idea came to me. "We haven't been to our meadow in a while. Why don't we go there?"

"Really?"

A smile slowly took shape on Edward's lips, and when the twinkle reached his eyes, he looked like I'd given him the best gift in the world. He unfolded his legs and stood, reaching down for my hand. "I thought you'd never ask."

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

After Charlie returned to Forks, he still dragged his feet over having us declared dead. Billy once tried to broach the subject of moving on, and that brought an almost violent reaction from Charlie. After that Billy didn't bother to bring it up again.

The rest of February dragged into March without Charlie showing any signs of moving on. I knew he needed time to work through his grief, and it seemed he was picking up his life again. He went back to work, but he didn't seem to be fishing much. Hoping to comfort him, and to perhaps give him a nudge, Esme played the mourning mother and invited Charlie over to the house for dinner. I took advantage of the opportunity to make dinner for Charlie one more time. I thought about making Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff, but that would be a dead giveaway. I settled for making lasagna instead, which could be done ahead of time, and Esme just had to take it out of the oven.

The only problem was — my taste buds had definitely changed. My sense of taste was heightened, and I could detect the individual essences of salt, pepper, oregano, basil and crushed pepper as well as a few that I'd not tasted before. But I couldn't season to taste because human food now tasted disgusting. No amount of seasoning could bring it to the point I liked. This was a peculiar development I hadn't considered when I thought about joining Edward. I just followed the recipe I remembered as closely as I could and hoped for the best.

Edward and I hid in the attic again when Charlie arrived for dinner. As Carlisle and Esme sat down with him in the dining room, I heard him sniff the air.

"Lord, Esme, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that was Bella's cooking," Charlie said.

"It should, Charlie. This is her recipe," Esme improvised. I should have known better. Charlie had paid more attention to my cooking than I thought he did.

There was a moment of quiet, then I heard the noise of a fork against a plate and the sound of chewing. Suddenly the fork fell and I could hear quiet sniffles followed by the loud blowing of Charlie's nose.

"I'm sorry," came Charlie's broken voice. "It tastes like hers, too. Oh god." The sound of more sniffing drifted upstairs, then a chair pushed back and somebody walked over and the sound of gentle patting started.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't mean to make you feel bad," Esme's quiet voice said.

"Not your fault." Charlie cleared his throat a few times. "Everything reminds me of her, these days." After a time, Charlie eventually settled down again. I heard him pick up his fork again and resume eating. "I wish I could be as calm as you are, Carlisle."

"I'm not calm," Carlisle said. "I wish they were in this room right here and now. But that didn't work out. I truly wish it had. Do you...do you think we could have done anything more?" Carlisle put a wealth of yearning into that question.

"Mmm, I don't think so," Charlie mused. "The terrain where the plane crashed was fairly rugged, but the search patterns were very thorough. Even after the county sheriff called off the search, we brought in the best-trained search and rescue people we could find. The best search personnel, equipment, and dog teams combed those hills for weeks. If there was any trace, they would have found it.

"So I have to believe that we did everything that was humanly possible to bring them home. And if you count the dogs, everything inhumanly possible as well. If I didn't believe that…I…I don't think I'd be able to function."

I could hear the pragmatic police officer taking over in Charlie's voice, and realized what Carlisle was trying to do.

Carlisle sighed heavily. "Do you think there's any chance…"

There came another long silence. "I wish I could say yes," Charlie finally said. "But it's been over twelve weeks." We heard the sound of liquid being poured into a glass. "The area where the plane went down, even though it was rugged, it was only five miles from the nearest road."

"You're right." Carlisle sighed. "I know Edward. I'm sure he would have done everything in his power to keep Bella safe."

Silence fell, and Edward and I exchanged a glance. Then a light thump on the table sounded.

"God, I wish things had turned out differently," Charlie growled.

"As do I, Charlie. As do I."

There was a long stretch of just eating. A little small talk about goings on in town broke the quiet here and there. I began thinking that we should build some kind of secret compartments into the table, for just such occasions when we had a human visitor. It would make hiding the food much easier.

Finally, Charlie set his fork down and took a sip of his drink. "Well, Esme, that was amazing. You did Bella's recipe proud. I'm really glad she passed it on to you."

"Thank you, you're very kind."

The clink of plates announced the dishes were being removed. Charlie cleared his throat. "Carlisle, you probably noticed that Bella and I weren't really touchy-feely people." A low chuckle came from Carlisle, and Charlie joined him. "She was here with you the last week before they left. Did she seem all right to you? Was she sad in any way?"

"I don't think so," Carlisle replied. "Perhaps a little nervous to be going off to college, and moving so far away from home for the first time. But she was going with Edward, so I don't believe she was sad."

"What I'm getting at was, in the last e-mail I got from her, she seemed…I don't know…unusually emotional. Like she knew something was going to happen."

Carlisle seemed to think for a while. "It could have been the approaching holidays. This was the first time she was so far away from you or Renee at Thanksgiving, so she was bound to miss you. What did she say in her message?"

"In case she never got the chance, she wanted to say that she loved us. And she was happy."

I could hear the smile in Carlisle's voice. "What more could a father ask for? For their good regard, and for them to be happy. Though it's still a sad occasion, I take comfort in that our children were together, and they were happy."

Charlie exhaled, long and low. "I suppose you're right," he said slowly. Another long silence stretched out while he thought things over. The tapping sound could only be his fingers on the side of his knee.

"Carlisle, I'm glad I came over today," Charlie said. "I've been putting something off, and I wanted to know what you felt about it."

"What is it?" Carlisle asked. "Is it for the children?"

"Mm-hm. I was thinking of a memorial service." Charlie broke off again, his voice rough. After a while he cleared his throat and sounded more like himself again. "Just an occasion to remember them. Lots of people have been really supportive through this whole thing. And it would give their friends a chance to say goodbye."

"That would be an excellent idea," said Carlisle.

"Do you have any relatives to invite?"

"Only our cousins from Alaska. You met them at the wedding."

"Yeah, I think I remember them." From the impressed tone of Charlie's voice, I had an idea why Tanya and Kate might have stuck in his memory.

"Some of them are coming down here for a visit, so the timing will work out."

"Okay. Well, there's only one funeral home in town, but then…we didn't find them so it doesn't make sense…" Charlie trailed off again.

"Charlie, why don't we have it at the church?" Esme suggested. She must have re-entered the room sometime during the conversation. "You seem a little uncomfortable with the idea of the funeral home."

"Thanks, Esme," Charlie answered. "I don't know why. It's been so long since I buried my parents. I shouldn't feel this way but I do."

"There's no rush," Esme said. "You don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Uhh, yeah." Charlie sounded a little embarrassed. "Billy and I talked about that some. He said I should let them rest. I guess I feel like, if I do this, that's it. I've given up for good. And as much as I know it makes sense, part of me just doesn't want to."

"We understand how you feel, Charlie," Carlisle said quietly. "Do you want to try again with another team of searchers?"

There was a long, silence as Charlie thought about that. I could hear him shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Finally he spoke. "No. As much as I'd like to, it's been almost three months. Even with all the outdoors experience your family has, the kids weren't equipped for winter survival." Charlie sighed, long and slow. "I think it's time."

"Are you sure?" asked Esme.

"I think so. Bells wouldn't have wanted me to hold on to her like this."

"We'll leave the decision to you," Carlisle said. "If we can help in any way, let us know."

"Thanks, Carlisle. I think all that needs to be done is schedule the church, ask a few people to speak, and post a notice in the paper. I'll need to talk to Renee, too." The tapping of Charlie's fingertips drifted upstairs again. "Guess that's how life works sometimes," he muttered, but it sounded like he was talking more to himself. "At least she was happy."

"What was that?" asked Carlisle, though I know he heard just fine. He played the faux human to perfection. I took some mental notes just in case I needed to interact with humans later.

"Oh, nothing," Charlie said. "Well, thanks for the excellent dinner, Esme. I need to be at the station early tomorrow, so I should get going."

"Are you sure?" Esme asked. "I could make some coffee."

"No, that's all right. Although, if Bella passed on anymore recipes to you, I wouldn't mind seeing how they turn out." I could almost see the twinkle returning to his eyes.

"I think that would be fine," Esme said. "I do have a few more I wanted to try."

"Great." There came the sound of chairs being pushed back. "Carlisle, Esme. Thanks for having me over tonight. You helped me a lot."

"We share your pain, Charlie," Carlisle said. "Anything we can do, just ask."

"Same here."

The footsteps sounded out toward the door, and then there was a round of goodnights.

The tires of the police cruiser scuffed on the gravel of the drive as Charlie pulled away. Up in the attic, I covered my face with my hands and felt a twist of guilt in my stomach as I thought about what my father was going through. But there was nothing to be done for it now. Edward reached over, pulled me next to him and gently rubbed my back. He'd been listening with both of his senses.

"Back when I still had to fight against the call of your blood, Alice told me that your death would really hit Charlie hard," Edward murmured. "Sometimes I hate it when she's right."

"I know what you mean." I swallowed against the lump in my throat, and nestled my head against his shoulder. "Well, at least he's starting to try to move on. Once we're declared legally dead, we can move on, too."

"Technically, we don't need to wait. We have all the papers we need to start over, right now. But we had to help with Emmett and the girls, and I thought you might want to stay and say your own goodbyes."

He was right about that. While I couldn't do it in person, I wanted to at least see it through. How well he knew me.

"Did you have your shield down earlier, love?" Edward stood with his head cocked to the side, his brows knitted in confusion.

His question came from nowhere. "No, I didn't think I needed to. Is anything wrong?" I wondered what he was hearing that I might have interfered with.

Edward pursed his lips. "I thought I heard something, but I thought it was from your father, who is a little indistinct to me. Just a moment." He let go of me, ignoring my murmur of protest, then closed his eyes in concentration, though I knew it was mental rather than auditory.

After a while, I couldn't wait anymore. "What do you hear?" I asked.

Edward held up his hands. "Ssshhh!"

I bit my lip while I watched him. Was Charlie coming back? Was it Jacob again?

Then Edward's eyes snapped open, and he turned in the direction of the supine forms of our siblings. "Ohmigod. That's Emmett!"

"What? I don't hear anything!"

An excited grin on his face, Edward turned back to me. "It's like a person's sleeping thoughts, but that's definitely Emmett. Esme! Carlisle! Come quick!" He jumped to his feet and ran to Emmett's bedside with me close behind.

Emmett's eyes were still closed, face reposed as in sleep. If he were human, at least the great barrel chest would rise and fall with breathing. Instead, he lay motionless, like one of the fallen, giant redwoods in the forest. A quick glance showed me that Tanya and Rosalie were still in the same state.

"Emmett? Can you hear me?" Edward called, kneeling next to Emmett's mattress. I didn't think he would answer. I had been up here reading to them with no outward change at all.

Edward's eyes lit up. "Yes! There it is again! Nothing coherent, but those are his thoughts."

Esme and Carlisle opened the attic door and came in.

Edward and I remained where we were. "Esme, we have good news!" Edward exclaimed, with a grin. "Emmett's not dead! Not his brain, anyway. I'm seeing images and hearing sounds in his mind." Edward's eyes widened. "There! I just caught an image of Demetri and Rosalie!"

Esme flashed to Emmett's bedside. "He's dreaming!" She grasped his huge hand and chafed it. "Emmett? Emmett! Wake up!" She shook his shoulder, but there was no response.

Edward frowned. "No, there's no change. But at least I'm still getting something from him. It wasn't a fluke."

Carlisle took Esme by the shoulders. "Let him rest, dear. At least we know he isn't brain dead, and we're on the right track with the treatments."

Esme turned and threw her arms around Carlisle's neck. "You're right, of course. And you're brilliant!"

Even though Emmett wasn't moving, at least he wasn't a vegetable. His signs of recovery boded well for Rosalie and Tanya, too. And yet we still couldn't display any outward signs of celebration. The memorial service was scheduled for the following week. Alice asked Charlie if there was anything he wanted her to do for the service, but he declined. He figured I would want things to be simple, and she agreed. She did post the announcement for the memorial service in the paper for him, as he was busy contacting people to speak at the service.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

The organ began playing again, which must have been the signal that the service was over. People started filing out of the church, and making their way to the parking lot in back of the building. At first I was surprised at who was there, because Edward and I didn't know them personally. I didn't think I had touched that many lives when I came to Forks. Then I realized that many people in Forks would want to pay their respects, since Charlie was the chief of police, and Carlisle was a prominent doctor in a small town. Toward the end, we started seeing people we knew. I was surprised to see that Angela Weber and Ben Cheney had come back from school for this, as well as a number of our other friends. Tyler Crowley and his mother stood clustered with Mr. and Mrs. Newton, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Stanley. They hugged my parents extra hard, and I clenched my teeth against the reminder of my guilt.

There wasn't going to be a procession to the cemetery after the service, because no bodies had been recovered from the wreckage of our plane. And it had been a hard thing for Charlie to take when they changed the emphasis of the search from "rescue" to "recovery." Even now, he had still not taken the next step and declared us legally dead. But at least he had taken one step further with the memorial service. It eased my ache to see that Billy and Sue were spending time helping him through this.

"You know, there's a bright side to all this," Edward's voice briefly drew my attention away from the mourners.

"What's that?" I glanced up at him.

Edward gave me his one-sided smile. "You'll be seventeen again."

I gave a half-hearted smile and thought about the new ID hiding in my wallet. Edward and I had retrieved the papers that had been stored for me in the vault. The name Isabella Masen brought bittersweet feelings to mind. It was the final stage: truly leaving my parents behind, and moving on with Edward in my new life. I would always have a soft spot for Cullen, as that's who Edward was when I first met him. Edward assured me that I could go back to Swan or Cullen after a few decades, but that wasn't important to me. I was getting more accustomed to the charade we played for human society.

We would be starting over again once we moved, most likely in high school. But once we were started we could continue on through college this time. Hopefully I would have enough control of myself to attend classes in person. Nursing school was still the goal at the moment, but I would need self-control to rival Carlisle's. That could be a long time, considering I was still more sensitive to blood than the rest of the family. But as long as I had life with Edward to look forward to, I could think of worse ways to pass the time.

The mourners were almost all gone now, climbing into their cars to return home. All that remained were the closest friends and relatives. We watched as Carlisle, Esme and the rest of the family said their goodbyes to Charlie, Renee and Phil. I heard Esme sniff and wondered how she would hide not having tears. Renee's voice broke as she said goodbye, and she held onto Esme for a very long time. Phil stood close by, rubbing Renee's back. Charlie reached up and scrubbed at his eyes, sniffed and cleared his throat a few times. Billy wheeled himself closer, reached up and clapped Charlie on the shoulder, while Sue patted him on the back. Leah stood behind Jake's wheelchair. I saw him briefly scan the trees behind the church before turning back to Charlie and Renee.

Edward's arms tightened, holding me comfortingly as he understood that I really wanted to run out there and console them myself. "They'll be all right later," he whispered. "Alice checked. They'll be all right. Your father dealt with a lot, when your mother left and his parents died shortly after. He's a survivor."

"I know." I reached up and found the back of his neck with my hand. I ran my fingers through his hair for the comforting feeling it gave me. "It's not easy to watch, though, knowing I'm the cause of it."

One by one, they got into their respective vehicles. As we watched them drive away, I let out a long breath and began to shift my weight to move out of Edward's arms and start the trip back home.

Edward pulled me back against him, gave me another squeeze and murmured in my ear. "Do you ever regret joining me, love?"

I turned around in the circle of his arms and lay my hands on his chest. "I'm a little sad, because it's a big step. But I'm learning not to dwell on regrets. Mom wouldn't like that," I said. "And it's done now. We've come a long way in two years."

"True. When I first met you, you were a light snack," Edward joked.

"And you were this mysterious bad boy that all the girls wanted to date." Oddly, now that the service was over, I felt a sense of lightness and relief. It made me respond to his teasing.

"It's a good thing for you I had no desire to kill any of them. We would've had to leave before I met you."

"At least you don't have to worry about killing me by accident anymore."

"Yes, now you're like me." Edward pursed his lips, pensive for a moment. "I've made the most of this life, but I didn't know if you'd consider it a happy existence. That's why I fought so hard on changing you. I was afraid you would be miserable, like Rosalie was at first."

"You should know better than that." I smiled up at him. "All of the happiest moments in my life happened after I met you. And now I'll have more time to enjoy them."

"Are there many happy moments?" Edward gazed down at me with eyes of dark-ochre bordering on brown. He would need to hunt soon. He also seemed rather unsure of himself. I raised a hand, stroked my fingers down his cheek and smiled.

"Absolutely." I closed my eyes and lay my forehead against his chest, exhaled and pulled my field in. When it rested tight in the center of me, I began thinking of my most treasured memories: our first visit to the meadow with the sun shining on his skin, when he told me he loved me for the first time. The night after we returned from Volterra, when I realized he truly loved me and always would. I remembered the look on his face the night he asked me to marry him. I recalled the absolute joy I felt on our wedding day after we both said 'I do.' The feeling of peace and contentment we had shared on Isle Esme, basking in the shade under the tropical sun.

I shifted from hazy human memories to crystal clear ones: the first time I saw his face with vampire eyes, and he had kissed me for real. The feeling of power and freedom I had discovered on our first hunt. I re-experienced the sense of fulfillment and sheer ecstasy I felt after I rediscovered my love for him in the mountains of Denali. And now, as I looked up at him, the feeling of warmth that welled up and spread as I took his face between my hands…the tingle that washed over me and left me giddy was breathtaking. I hoped he had felt that, too.

He had. Edward's eyes were glowing with answering joy as he pulled me close, rocking me back and forth as my arms curled around the back of his neck. "You see?" I asked. "You've given me lots to be happy about."

"Thank you, Bella," he said. It was so sweet; his voice was choking up. I smiled as a flood of warmth tickled at my ears. "I've always wondered about that. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just wasn't sure if I'd done as well by you, for bringing you into my world." And he claimed my lips in a kiss that was long and deep and heavy with the joy of his new understanding.

"It's my world too, now. And you've never been a monster to me," I said when I took a breath from kissing him. "No matter what life throws at us from now on, I want you to know that I'm happy. And I love you more than anything in the world."

Edward's laugh rippled out of him softly, a little breathless himself. He smiled his brilliant smile. "I see that now. Well, I suppose that will be good enough for forever."

"Just forever?" I said with mock disappointment. "Every moment of forever with you still won't be enough."

He laughed again, and another thrill ran through me as he brushed my hair back from my face and caressed my neck. "We'll just have to get started on that, shall we? It's a good thing we have long memories."

Smiling happily, I took his hand and we began the trek home. After the many months of struggle we were finally both at the place where we belonged. The future stretched out like a shining stairway to the stars once again, and we would walk that path for the rest of our days. Together at long last.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

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><p><em><strong>AN**: Aaaaand except for the epilogue, that's all folks! I'd like to thank each and every one of you for following along on this journey, as it's been a long trip. I've learned a lot about writing, and a lot about myself. Thank you all for making this a memorable experience. As always, love to hear your thoughts!_


	31. Epilogue - Taking Flight

_**A/N**: Oh my heavens, here we are at last. Thank you for choosing to spend your time with this story. I'll be quiet now, and let you finish. See you at the bottom!_

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all rights and characters of the Twilight franchise. But she lets us play with her toys and for that we're forever grateful. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Epilogue – Taking Flight<span>

Edward sat behind the wheel, effortlessly pushing the rental car to its limits. The vehicle topped a slight rise on the mostly deserted highway, and from that vantage the lights of Paris spread out before us, sparkling like a sea of fireflies. One of the most civilized cities in the world, it was a little odd to return to this setting after what we had been doing tonight – hunting and killing wild game with our bare hands and teeth. If they only knew, what would the cultured Parisians think?

The nighttime climate of the Seine watershed and surrounding countryside remained warm and clear as a waxing moon cast its gentle glow on the still slumbering city. Paris in July was occasionally quite hot but just as we didn't feel the cold of Alaska, neither did we feel the heat of summer in France. It was a good thing that many tourists from the east covered up against the sun, so we didn't stand out as I thought we might. We were just another pale couple in large hats, long sleeves, gloves, and sunglasses.

Ten days had passed since my last hunt, and it was quite a different environment from what I had grown accustomed to in Forks. Instead of right out the back door, the closest forest able to support large game was many hours' drive from where we lived. And while we scented a plethora of wildlife, there was a scarcity of large predators in the Tarn Canyon, _Gorges du Tarn_ in French, in the southern mountains of France. We found many deer tracks, but I was lucky enough to come across a wild boar, which still thrived in the French forests. It was fast and fearsome, in a single-minded sort of way, but lacked the size and armament to be as much challenge as a grizzly. My first taste of 'pork.' I found it to be better tasting than deer blood, but not as good as bear.

As we exited the expressway and drove through the boulevards to the Second Arrondissement, the streets were quiet, but not empty. This was Paris after all, a city that never truly slept. It made a good home for vampires because we were able to walk among the humans at night without suspicion. They were denizens of the dark just as we were. In a city this large I felt sure there would be others of our kind living here; but they wouldn't be vegetarians so we didn't try to seek them out.

In no time, we arrived back at the Hotel Saint-Michel. As I stepped out of the car and Edward handed the keys to the valet, I looked up and paused to admire the splendid architecture; the crenels, columns, gables, graceful windows and wrought iron balconies all came together in a vision of grandeur. It was fancier than any place I'd ever stayed on vacation.

We had a suite in the hotel, so open and airy it seemed there was more room here than my house in Phoenix. At first I was a little hesitant to stay in such an opulent place. The entire room was done in a traditional French neoclassical style and I felt a little out of place here. On our first night I had asked Edward why he had chosen this hotel. He put his arms around me and affected a lofty accent.

"Welcome to the Cinderella portion of our tour. Your presence has been humbly requested at the ball," he had said looking down his nose at me. Then he'd grinned and spoken normally. "Care to dance?"

I had laughed and shook my head, but didn't resist while he placed one hand at my waist, and held my hand out to the side. As he led me into a waltz, it was difficult to tell him 'no' while I was laughing. I had to admit, he was right about the dancing. I wasn't quite as hopeless as before, and it felt nice whirling around the room in his arms. But just so he didn't forget, I had made sure to step on his toes once or twice. The ten days since then had been quite the romantic, whirlwind tour.

The walls of the elevator were sheathed in mirrors, and I couldn't help examining my reflection as we rose to the ninth floor. I took off my sunglasses and checked my eyes. The only visible indicator of how much human blood was left in me, the irises had slowly shifted from the brilliant crimson of a newborn. After eleven months they were almost, but not quite, golden-yellow. A slight hint of orange remained. Maybe in a few months, I'd be able to skip the sunglasses completely.

My hair wasn't too bad and remained tucked behind my ears by two hair clips, falling across my shoulders and down my back. For once I hadn't been rolling around on the ground with my prey, so I didn't find any dirt or leaves in it. My normally pale lips and cheeks had a slight flush to them from the recent blood meal, but that would soon fade to their unblemished state.

Edward's fingers twined themselves with mine and his voice brought me out of my self-examination. "Do you like what you see?" he asked.

I gave him a quick smile. "Yeah, pretty much. I don't look so haggard standing next to you anymore."

He snorted. "You worry about that too much. You always did."

"Hey, I'm a girl. It's what we do."

Edward rolled his eyes at that.

By the time we returned to our suite, the morning sun was beginning to hint at dawn, painting the cityscape in purples and blues. I went to take a shower to clean off all traces of our hunt. I was getting better at hunting, but the boar had been new prey for me. When I pounced, it had managed to snag one pant leg before I killed it, so I now owned a torn pair of pants as a souvenir. It would drive Alice crazy but I planned to cut them off and use them as shorts.

After I finished toweling myself off, I pulled on one of the hotel's fluffy, terry robes. As I sat at the small bench before the dressing table brushing my hair, Edward came up behind me and lifted my necklace from the dressing table.

"Would you like to put this on?" he asked. I smiled at him in the mirror, stopped brushing and gathered my hair so he could slip the chain around my neck. It was a replacement for the necklace Jane had destroyed. When he had presented this to me in May, he said I was re-awakening the creative side of his brain. Another testament to Edward's craftsmanship, he had sculpted the charm out of a solid silver ingot. Not a heart of stone this time, but a lion of silver. On one side was superimposed a lamb in bas relief, sleeping next to the lion. On the lion's other side, a lioness lay nuzzling her cheek against the side of her mate's neck. After briefly caressing the polished metal with a fingertip, I turned the charm so it lay against the hollow of my throat with the lioness facing out. Edward took the brush from me and continued brushing where I left off. I half-closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation of his fingers running through my hair and the occasional touch of his hands against my neck.

While he was working on my hair, I decided the time was right to give him the surprise I had been saving for him. When he had eased all the knots out, he gave my hair one final stroke of the brush and leaned forward to kiss the nape of my neck. I suppressed a happy shiver and smiled. "Thanks, Edward."

I took the brush from him, stood, and put my hands on his waist to gently push him down onto the little bench in front of the dressing table. "Wait here. I have a little something for you."

His puzzled expression told me I was being just the right amount of mysterious. I went to the dresser and pulled the small velvet pouch from its hiding place in one of the drawers. Placing the little pouch in his waiting hands, I sat down next to him.

With an amused look, Edward pulled open the drawstrings and dropped it into his palm. His eyes widened a fraction at the sterling silver wrist band. The outside of the band was graven all around with a Celtic-style interlaced knot. He ran an exploratory fingertip around it, then turned it to look at the inside surface, which was polished smooth.

"_D__eux__cœurs__, __un âme seule,_" Edward muttered the inscription with a perfect accent, and fell silent, slowly nodding his head, his forehead held a hint of a furrow.

"Did I get it wrong?" My brows knitted together with my dismay. My French was pretty sketchy so I had checked with Alice. I had wanted "two hearts, one soul" engraved on the inside of the wrist band. If she told me the wrong translation I would be pretty ticked off at her.

"Mm? No, no, it's perfect." Edward roused himself from his thoughts. "In fact, it's exquisite. I was just thinking that this is the first adornment that you've ever given me, aside from the wedding ring you slipped on my finger."

My heart rose into my throat a little as I watched his reaction intently. "Do you like it? I was hoping to give you some kind of remembrance of me."

Edward glanced at my face and quickly placed the silver band on his left wrist. It looked pretty good against his pale skin. "You know I don't need this to remember you," he said as he put his arms around me. "But I agree. You are my soul."

I smiled my relief as I kissed him. But after only one or two long, slow kisses, I heard my phone ring in my purse. Edward made a disgruntled noise in his throat as I pulled back. But before I could move, he released me and moved swiftly to where my purse sat on the sofa table in the entryway. With the phone still ringing he returned, and held it out to me with a half-smile on his face. "It's Alice."

I rose from the bench to receive it, answered it and turned on the speaker phone. "Hi, Alice. How're things in Forks?"

"Pretty good, actually," her tinkling voice answered. "I didn't hear news of a massacre on a trans-Atlantic flight. I told you it would be fine."

I made a face. I was nervous about the fourteen-hour plane ride from Seattle to Paris, but it had passed uneventfully, thanks to Kate's ointment. We sat in business class, with the scent of humans wafting all around us. I could almost feel the essence of _human_, heavy on the air, even though I couldn't smell them through the ointment. As an eleven-month old newborn, I was better able to control my bloodlust now. I hadn't had another rage episode since the battle with the Volturi, but I still had that hypersensitivity to blood. We tested my control before deciding to travel – wandering through a mall in Seattle without temptation. I was able to use less of the ointment, but wasn't comfortable enough to go without it. The fear of having an accident never completely left my mind. If Emmett and Jasper could slip up, even though they were so much older than me, I wasn't about to take a chance.

"So what do you think of Paris?" Alice continued.

"It's amazing! So beautiful here! We climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower and the Notre Dame. We visited the palace at Versailles and took a moonlight boat ride on the Seine. We even went on a tour of the Catacombs."

"Meet anybody we know?"

I paused at that. "Do some of us live down there?" I asked in surprise. I hadn't thought about that aspect when we took the tour. I hadn't even gotten the creeps; being incredibly strong and nigh indestructible went a long way to bolstering one's confidence.

"The catacombs are vast and very old. It's not that unusual. The immortal that transformed Carlisle lived in the sewers of London, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. Well no, we didn't see anybody. If they saw us, I bet they'd be surprised to see us walking with the humans."

"Maybe they just didn't want to share." Alice giggled. "Did you come back with everybody in the tour?"

I rolled my eyes at that. I was getting used to the family's gallows humor. "I think so," I said. "We were with a pretty small group. Somebody would have noticed if one of their companions was missing."

"True, they'd look for someone alone," Alice remarked. "They may not have heard that the Volturi are gone, so they'd still keep things quiet."

Alice's comment brought me back to the new reality we lived in. It had been eight months since we had defeated the Volturi in battle. We never had to worry about them sitting in judgment of us or trying to kill us again. They also weren't around to enforce their edict to maintain secrecy, but the family and I were too accustomed to keeping things quiet. I didn't think I'd ever be able to tell humans what I was, for fear of their reaction.

"Anything about the two Guardsmen who escaped?" Edward asked, voicing the one last concern we had regarding the ancient vampire government.

"Nope. But Eleazar thinks that with Aro, Caius, and Marcus dead, and no more Chelsea, they'll go back to normal vampire habits pretty soon. Maybe even become nomads again."

"Good," said Edward. "I'd rather not have to keep looking over my shoulder while we're on their continent."

"How is everybody?" I wondered. "Are Emmett and the girls walking again?"

"They're on their feet now. Still not one-hundred percent, but you don't get your head torn off, get lit on fire, and go waltzing along like nothing happened. I told you to try not to worry, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but we didn't know for sure," I retorted. "If Emmett hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have known either."

That had actually been a fairly momentous event. After the memorial service, we had stayed out of sight, taking care of Emmett, Rosalie and Tanya. Edward had heard some random thoughts that he said were Emmett's, but weeks had passed without any other signs of improvement that the rest of us could see. Spirits in the house were flagging again, as we weren't sure if anything more than that would happen. Random thoughts were better than nothing, but if they stayed in an immobile, vegetative state, that would be almost as bad as death.

One day, as I sat reading aloud, I thought I'd heard a faint wheeze. I looked at our brother and sisters, and gave a little gasp – Emmett's lips were slightly parted, and as I watched, they slowly closed, and opened again.

"Edward! Carlisle! Emmett's moving!" I had called. I didn't want to leave, in case I was imagining things or would miss something else. I heard the sound of footsteps rushing up the stairs, and Emmett's eyes seemed to move slightly behind his lids as if dreaming. But that was all. Everybody quickly entered the attic.

"His lips are moving," I whispered.

Esme and Carlisle quickly knelt at Emmett's bedside. For some reason, Edward had a slight tightening about his mouth that I couldn't understand, and it worried me.

"Emmett, can you hear me?" Esme asked as she looked down hopefully at him.

And like the whisper of a moth's wing, came a little sound, "B…Bel…"

All eyes turned to me, and I drew closer to the bedside. "I'm here, Emmett. Can you hear us?"

"St…st…"

We waited on pins and needles as his lips painfully mouthed around the words.

"St..sto..p…" He pronounced the 'p' so very faintly.

"Stop? Stop what?" I asked.

Edward suddenly bent double then collapsed on the floor, sputtering with laughter.

Alice turned on him. "I swear, Edward, what's wrong with you?"

"He wants Bella to stop reading! It's killing him!" Edward said between snorts of hilarity.

The family stood in incredulous silence, broken only by Edward's laughter.

"Killing him? What are you reading?" Jasper reached down and picked up my book. "_Pride and Prejudice_? No wonder! He hates this stuff!"

The tension in the room dissolved into laughter. Eleazar reached down and hauled Edward to his feet, chuckling as he did it. Kate grinned broadly and moved across the room to check on the girls. Even Carlisle hung his head while laughing, and Esme held her hands over her mouth as her shoulders shook.

I was slightly offended at first, but it was hard to stay that way in light of Emmett's positive signs of life. My dander went away as I caught the good humor of the family. I threw back at them, "Hey, don't judge, the classics had enough power to bring him back from the dead! Imagine if I'd read _Macbeth_!"

"He would've risen from his grave to throttle you," Alice snickered.

After that it was much more encouraging. The family members took turns reading things that our patients would like more. Jasper read the sports pages to Emmett. Alice read some fashion magazines and issues of _Car and Driver_ to Rosalie. Kate read a book in her native language to Tanya. But from that point on, the mood was lifted. They were going to be all right. Slowly, the girls began to show signs of improvement as well. Carlisle couldn't tell me why Emmett had shown faster progress than the girls. Jasper and Edward teased me that only torture by Jane Austen could have made him claw his way back to life so much sooner.

But heal they did. Shortly after he spoke, Emmett opened his eyes. He could obviously hear and see now. His voice was still very rough, and he had difficulty speaking. But I suppose if your voice box had been damaged like his, things would sound different, too. He still didn't have full control over his body though, and we had to prop him up to a sitting position. But at least he was able to drink on his own without a feeding tube. Tanya and Rosalie also finally opened their eyes, and we were able to move them all to their own bedrooms. The break-lines had faded to the point that you had to know where they were, to see the infinitesimal scars. All in all, it looked like they were out of the woods.

Thoughts of our recovering siblings reminded me of the one last patient. When I had left Jacob in his garage, I hadn't gone back, hoping to finally give him that space that Leah and I talked about.

"How's Jacob doing?" I asked.

"He's lucky he's a werewolf," Alice remarked. "Carlisle said if he were normal he'd be paralyzed for life. Instead, it took a while, but his spinal cord regenerated. He has feeling and movement in his legs now. Eventually he'll be walking again."

I smiled at the news; Jacob would be whole again. "That's good to hear. Did he get the package I sent?"

The 'package' was a full set of tools, an engine hoist, a good quality jack and jack stands. Everything the backyard mechanic might need. I figured if he wasn't going to be able to lift an engine like he could before, this would help him out. And now that he would eventually recover completely, he ought to put it to good use.

"He was almost going to send it back!" Alice grumbled. "Damn fool was mumbling about not taking charity. But then I guess his friend talked some sense into him. He's going to hang out a shingle and give fixing cars for a living a try."

"Good, he can give John Dowling some competition." I gave a quiet sigh of relief; apparently Leah was beginning to have more influence with him, and I was happy that he was moving on. A wistful smile flickered across my face, but I let it pass. Things were going to be all right.

"Any news about my mom and dad?"

"Charlie's doing better. He finally started going fishing again. Of course, it took Billy bringing home a _huge_ salmon to remind him of what he'd been missing." Alice laughed.

I laughed with her. "Heaven forbid Billy should have all the fun."

"Baseball season is still going, so your mother and Phil are in Florida. But after the season ends, your mother convinced Phil to go to a dance camp with her."

"At least she's not jumping out of a plane this time." I smiled my relief at Edward. A lot of relief. That was one of the more painful things to watch while we were in hiding – the difficult mourning process of my parents. They might not ever be completely all right, and it had taken some time, but it looked like everybody was starting to move on with their lives.

"Alice, was there a reason you called?" Edward, I noticed, sometimes had an edge of frustration in his expression when talking to people on the phone; he wasn't close enough to hear their thoughts, and couldn't see their expressions to divine what they were feeling. "We're planning to go to the Louvre in a few hours."

"Yes, there was. Now that Tanya's moving again, the cousins are going to take her home," Alice began. "Carlisle and Esme were thinking of moving back to Ithaca, so Esme can finish the house there. They're wondering what your plans are. Will you be traveling for much longer?"

"What? Can't you tell?" I affected a shocked voice.

Alice snorted. "From Edward, yes. But your decisions affect his, so it's only prudent to get it from both of you."

"Yeah, I know, I'm just teasing." I chuckled briefly. "It depends on what Edward has planned. He's been very mysterious about our itinerary."

"Alice," Edward growled. "I'm not going to be happy if you spoil the surprise."

"I'm doing Bella a favor. She hates surprises, remember?"

I smiled up at Edward. "He knows what kind of surprises I like. He's been doing pretty well all trip long."

"That's all well and good, but Esme needs to know whether to enroll you in school with the rest of us. If the honeymoon's going to last for a while, that's fine. We just need to know so we can plan accordingly. And I think she misses you guys."

Edward lifted a hand to brush my hair back over my shoulder. "What would you like to do, love?"

"Do we have a lot of stops left on this trip?"

Edward cocked his head and gave me his half-smile. I had to catch my breath for a moment while I focused on his words. "I have the entire world to show you. A whole world of experiences waiting, and I promise not to drop any unpleasant surprises on you."

"That sounds like a very long trip."

"Is that bad?"

"Not as long as I'm with you." I leaned over and kissed him.

Alice cleared her throat. "Hey, guys? Can you save it for later? What do I tell Esme?"

Edward and I looked at each other, his topaz eyes to my orange ones. He shrugged one shoulder. "I leave it to you, sweetheart. I'm happy either way. We can save things for a third honeymoon, if we need to."

I pursed my lips and thought for a while. I was totally happy traveling with Edward, and he seemed to be enjoying himself as well. He had told me how monotonous life had gotten for him, but I had yet to experience anything like that. In fact, the first couple months of my new life had been a little too exciting. Downright stressful if you ask me.

What did I want of the future? Obviously, to be with Edward, but also to do some kind of good. That meant school. I felt better about myself – I'd made it across the Atlantic without wanting to kill anybody (although I did breathe a word of thanks to Kate all through the trip). One day – soon I hoped – I would be able to stand in a room full of people without the ointment and they wouldn't be the wiser. They might wonder about my pale skin, but that wasn't anything unusual.

I looked at Edward, and thought about how I saw myself in relation to him. Before, he was more like a god and I was a mere mortal he had come to earth to dally with. My time with him was limited and before long he would return to whatever heaven he had come from. I had to do everything that I could to steal whatever time I was allowed with him. Now, I no longer felt that yawning gulf stretching between our stations in life. Literally, as well as figuratively, I had fought my way through trials to belong by his side. Physically we were equals and I had reveled in that thought since the funeral. The nagging doubt that I didn't deserve to share the same space with him was thankfully gone.

Only in one place could I find any kind of dissatisfaction. Edward was still so much more knowledgeable than me, after decades of schooling. He'd never been unkind or condescending to me about it, but it was something left on my to-do list. And it would be nice to see if I could get into Dartmouth totally on my own.

Holding Edward's eyes with mine, I directed my voice to the phone. "Tell Esme we'll be coming home before school starts."

Edward nodded. "End of August," he said.

"All right," Alice replied. "By the way, have you stopped by _Printemps_ yet?"

"Um, not yet. What is it?"

Alice gave a sigh of exasperation. "Bella, what am I going to do about you? You're in the fashion Mecca of the world. Show a little respect."

I had to roll my eyes at that. One thing the transformation had completely bypassed was my sense of fashion. But that didn't stop Alice from trying. "I'll add it to the list. Should we bring something back for you?"

"Never mind. Edward would be no help and it's something you have to experience the right way. I'll just have to bring you there myself someday."

"All right, that's a promise."

"Good!" Alice said, slightly mollified. "Well then, we'll see you in a month or so."

"Bye, Alice!" We spoke in unison, but she had already hung up.

After I put my phone away, I turned and noticed Edward gazing at me, rather intently again, his head tilted slightly to one side.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

He set his lips in a hard line and glowered down at me. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

I slumped my shoulders, cast my eyes downward and whispered in my most helpless voice, "Please? Please?"

Edward gave a long suffering sigh, and opened his mouth to speak. Unfortunately I couldn't keep a straight face and burst out giggling.

"Oh you—" he grinned, and gave me a gentle push. I could have easily stopped his hands, but I let his push bounce me onto the bed.

Edward set his fists akimbo. "If you must know, we could easily spend a month here in Paris. But I thought we might take a month in England and a month in Germany before we go home. You did still want to see Heathcliff and Cathy's moors, don't you?"

"You know, you really don't have to show me the whole world in one trip," I said, still smiling.

Edward cocked his head and gave me his lopsided grin. "I guess I'm a little over eager to show you the wonders of the world. Between Phoenix and Forks, you've led a rather sheltered life."

"Well, slow down a bit, cowboy. We'll get to it. We've got all the time in the world. I love traveling with you, but we have other priorities that need attention, too. Do you mind going back to school?"

He shook his head quickly. "Not me. Everything's better when I do it with you." He fell silent, studying my face again as he settled down next to me.

"What are you wondering about now?" I asked, raising an amused eyebrow.

"Are you sure this is what you want, love?" Edward asked. "I know Esme likes having the family together but we don't have to go back so soon if you truly don't want to. Emmett and Rosalie lived apart for ten years before they settled back in with us. You don't have to do this out of a sense of duty."

I gave him a little smile and shake of my head. "I'm not doing it out of duty. Trust me." I relaxed and began to pull my field in. I'd gotten pretty good at this by now, and didn't need to fully close my eyes anymore. But before I could follow through, Edward leaned closer and stopped me with a finger on my lips. As if that would shush my mental voice. But I did stop, curious as to what he was thinking.

"I've decided…you don't have to do that for me anymore," he said with a warm, gentle smile. "You've been giving me your thoughts for the last eight months, and in the beginning, it was such a relief to finally hear your 'voice.' But after a while, I began thinking. I rely on my gift so much because most people don't tell you what they really mean. It was distrust of their words that made me lean on it; but your thoughts have been in your face for as long as I've known you. And after watching and listening to you these many months, if there's anyone that I know I can trust, it's you. You're my wife. Love, I don't need your thoughts to trust what you say."

I didn't know what to say for a long time. That fundamental silence is what drew him to me in the first place, and had been with us so long that it was a part of who we were. I'd thought that by sharing my thoughts with him, I was relieving him of that last impediment between us. But here he was, accepting that obstacle, no, he embraced it. Once again, I wondered what I had done in my life to deserve this man.

"What? No questions?" he teased in his honey-smooth voice.

I shook my head slowly, and I could feel my voice getting thick as I tried to frame what I felt in words. But there were no words to describe the onrush of warmth and tenderness I felt for him. Finally I gave up, reached for his hands, and pulled in my field. Edward gasped and his eyes widened for a moment as the wave of emotion I felt – as tall as the pine trees in Forks but as sweet as the fragrance of the wildflowers in our meadow – swept over and through him. He smiled down at me and sighed, twining his arms around my back and pulling me close. Then he reached up and lay one hand along my cheek, the other around the small of my back, his golden eyes very soft.

"Have I told you how very much I love you?" he asked.

"Once or twice," I said, the corners of my lips quivering slightly.

"I can't show you the way you just showed me, so I'll just have to settle for using words. Or showing you in my way," he said, as he bent down and claimed my lips.

"You don't mind if I share those thoughts and feelings with you, do you?" I whispered as he kissed my ear, nibbling on the earlobe softly.

"Anytime you like," he murmured as he kissed his way down my neck. He found my favorite spot at the base of my neck and shoulder, sending shivers down the backs of my legs.

"Wait," I said breathlessly. "Weren't we going to visit the Louvre?" But my arms weren't letting go, and if anything I pulled us even closer together.

"We are," he said after a string of soft, but long and serious kisses. "But the Louvre doesn't open for a few hours yet. And as you said before, we have all the time in the world."

"That sounds good to me." I smiled against his gently moving lips, then gave up and turned my attention to more important matters.

_- Fini -_

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><p><em>And that's all he wrote...<em>

_**A/N**: Once again, I thank _katmom_, for working her magic with my words, for taking me under her wing, for sometimes making me realize what-was-I-smoking-when-I-wrote-that (but she said it in a nice way), and introducing me to books outside of fandom. Thank you, thank you so much. I've also leaned heavily on _Sherryola_, who's read WAY more fic than I have - for her guidance and sense of canon Twilight. For a person trying to replace Breaking Dawn, her input has been invaluable. Ladies, please stand up and take a bow. applause! I feel so blessed to have been able to work with you!_

_However, they're not the only people I've been fortunate enough to meet or work with:_

KzintiKiller_, my big bro in fandom. Without him, I never would have posted this, and it would have languished forever on my hard drive. You rule, dude! Qapla!_

TwilightMomOfTwo_ was my first beta, and she introduced me to just how bad my grammar and logic was - and how much better it could be. Her snarky comments were always good for a laugh! Thank you, TMOT! I enjoyed working with you!  
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Noble Korhedron_ and _ContentedTwiCow_ also pre-read for me, and helped to improve the story a lot. _Withany_ and _Thats-So-Alex_ helped talk me out of flouncing the whole affair, when I found some serious flaws in characterization. They talked me off the ledge, and I put my big-boy underpants on and got down to some serious re-writing. Thank you, my friends, for your help and your support!_

_And out of the blue, _ysar_ was so gracious to create a banner for Cygnus Rising. It's lovely and I can't thank her enough for creating a face for Cygnus. Cheers! *raises glass*  
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_And of course, YOU, gentle reader. Without you, what is the point of writing? I'd like to thank each and every one of you for taking this journey with me. There are so many fic to choose from out there, I'm humbled that you chose to read mine. Thank you so very, very much. Until we meet again..._


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